My Disability Makes My Sex Life Even Hotter
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin, this is Modern Love, and my guest today is Kyla Harris.
I hadn't been talking to Kyla for very long before the two of us were discussing her urethra. Now, talking about your urethra with someone you've just met might be uncomfortable for some people. I would say probably most people. But Kyla has lots of experience talking about how her body feels, how it works, what it needs. Kyla is disabled. That's how she describes herself. And her disability means that she needs someone there to help her use the bathroom, make food, take a shower. Everything she wants or needs to do is a group project. And that becomes especially interesting when it comes to her sex life. Kyla is super open about that, too. And I will say we get pretty explicit in this conversation. She made a TV show called We Might Regret This that's full of funny, intimate scenes.
And it's inspired by what it's been like for her to live and love and get it on as a disabled person. Our conversation made me blush, which is not easy to make me do. It made me snort laugh, which actually, unfortunately, is kind of easy to make me do. And it made me totally rethink what intimacy can mean. Kyla Harris, welcome to Modern Love. Thanks, Hannah. I feel very welcomed. Okay, Kyla, you had an accident that changed your life when you were 15 years old. But even before all of that happened, I want a picture of 15-year-old you. What was happening in your world? Were you dating? Did you have crushes? What was going on?
Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I think 15-year-old... me was this kind of nubile character that was starting to really understand the power of sexuality. And I was already incredibly developed. So I had the tits and ass to rival J-Lo. Nubile and tits and ass. I'm loving the range here. Yeah. Those are my references. I love it. Okay, yes, J-Lo. So, yeah, I mean, it was, you know, when I was growing up, it was an era of the kind of heroin chic. And I felt like I really wasn't represented out there. And I had this incredibly curvy body. I had, you know, large breasts, a large bum. And I was so relieved when I saw J-Lo come kind of twerking into the scene. Because it felt like I was finally seeing myself again.
Were you curious about sex at this point in your life?
So, yeah, I definitely had had sexual experiences. The first time that I was fingered was on a ski bus when we were going on a ski trip. Isn't there so many layers of clothing involved in skiing? I mean, this is cool.
This is next level, right? I just went in next level. Really? I really don't ski, but in my imagination, a ski suit is like a onesie. Like, getting the fingers in there would be very difficult.
Yeah, yeah, no, it was, and I don't know, there was like the thrill of being on a bus, because we were on a bus, like with the other students, and I tried to give my first hand job, which was, I would say, not successful. I wouldn't ask him, I don't know. You were on a bus. Don't be sorry to yourself if you're on a bus. Thank you, thank you. Yeah, and probably in a onesie. So, so I, I, and I loved like the thrill of that. Like I loved the thrill of knowing that I was this sexual being and knowing that I could, yeah, just, just knowing that I could use my body in this way. Yeah.
I'm going to transition. It's no easy way to transition, but I will say you were on a school trip when you had this accident that I referenced at the top of our conversation. Can you tell me whatever you'd like about what happened?
Yeah, so I was on a school trip and I... I broke my neck and I knew something had happened right away. And when I was, after I'd broken my neck, I was lying there and I remember so distinctly feeling this unbelievable sense of calm and peace. And feeling the light through my eyes, the sunlight through my eyes. I kept my eyes closed. And it was almost euphoric. And then I said, can everyone just back away? I'll get up. Just give me a couple minutes. I'm going to get up. But I didn't. And I was, because we were in a really rural area for the school trip, I was strapped to a picnic table and put in a boat and rowed ashore and put in an ambulance and went to the closest hospital.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:01–6:46
2
How did Kyla’s life change after the school trip accident at 15?
6:46–32:17
3
What was Kyla’s emotional reaction when doctors told her she’d never walk again?
32:17–45:10
4
How did rehabilitation ward life shape Kyla’s early sexual exploration?
45:10–57:33