A Divorce Attorney's Guide to Staying Together... and Not Going Broke

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Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin 59 min 2 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

James Sexton 0:00
Being around people who are in the wreckage of weaponized intimacy, like the breakdown of relationship has made me much more aware of how love isn't permanently gifted, it's loaned. The truth is with some very limited preventative maintenance, I think money and love are very similar in that way that like the best advice isn't that sexy. There are little habits you can do every single day that are going to improve your situation and that are going to pay dividends over time.
Nicole Lapin 0:27
James Sexton is America's divorce attorney. He is one of the most sought after experts on getting divorced and surprisingly staying together. We talked for so long and covered so much good ground that I'm actually splitting this conversation up into two episodes. So today you're going to hear his advice for people who are getting married. In a few weeks, you're going to hear his advice for people who are thinking about getting divorced. Divorce can be really expensive and he has incredible advice on how to separate equitably. But today we talk about what people should know before getting married.
James Sexton 0:55
It's the only contract that you don't actually sign. You sign a marriage license, but it doesn't have the terms and conditions in it.
Nicole Lapin 1:01
Some little known facts on what's actually enforceable in prenup.
James Sexton 1:04
One of the terms was for every 10 pounds that the bride gained from the date of marriage to the date of what was called an operative event, so separation or divorce, she would lose $10,000 a month in alimony.
Nicole Lapin 1:15
and which financial arguments he sees become the most toxic.
James Sexton 1:18
It's dangerous to not know where the money is and to have some general sense of things. But I have to deal with people's willful blindness all the time when it comes to custody, when it comes to finances. Those are very dangerous financial habits because what you don't know can hurt you.
Nicole Lapin 1:34
I'm Nicole Lapton, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some Money Rehab.
Money Rehab
Nicole Lapin 1:48
James Sexton, welcome to Money Rehab.
James Sexton 1:51
Thanks for having me. It's great to be here.
Nicole Lapin 1:52
Great to have you. We've been trying to do this for a while.
James Sexton 1:55
I know we've been like ships passing in the night, you know, so I'm really glad we finally made it happen. But I think we're both busy people, so that's a good sign.
Nicole Lapin 2:02
It's true. You know, I heard that you said you didn't get into divorce law for the money. Obviously, we're Money Rehab. So I want to know why then did you get into it? For what?
James Sexton 2:13
You know, I was a psychology major as an undergraduate. My minor was in substance abuse counseling. So I wanted to go into a helping profession. I didn't have any aspiration of going into law. I wasn't really interested. I mean, you know, nobody ever says like, man, I went into social work and being a therapist for the money. So it really wasn't a money thing. My mom... My mom was like as far left leaning as a human being could be. My dad was a Reagan conservative Naval Academy graduate. My mom was like almost a Marxist. So I never think I had a choice but to be a lawyer because I had to see both sides of every issue because they disagreed on everything politically. But we're married for 50 plus years till my mom passed.
James Sexton 2:52
So they made it work. But I remember my mom used to always say that money is only something you need in case you don't die tomorrow. Hmm. And my father didn't share that view of it. He was a Reagan conservative and he was very into like, you know, minimizing taxation and being successful in capitalism. And my mom was very progressive and left. So I saw kind of both sides of things. But I was really motivated to do something. I didn't want to be the kind of person who spent five days a week looking forward to two. I knew that. And I knew I didn't want to spend 50 weeks a year looking forward to two. You know, I just felt like there's something wrong with that. So I... Corporate grind paradigm. Yeah, I mean, just anything that you're doing just for the money.
James Sexton 3:34
Like, I didn't want the majority of my time to be spent doing something just for the money.

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