Chapter 1: What experiences does Rory share about being a first-time parent?
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Yeah, I was definitely the Phantom in that.
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Chapter 2: How does the team react to Rory's parenting challenges?
Yeah, that's like, I know there's really not much because it's funny to say because my friend was in town last week and he similarly just got their kid on the healthy sleeping schedule. And it's like, you have to make the schedule for the kid. Just do it. They're going to cry. They're going to cry. That's how they communicate. They're going to cry. They're going to yell.
They're going to do all of those things. And as parents, it's your, you know, when you're a great parent, your baby cries, you pick them up, give them what they want. You stop them from crying. But when it comes to sleeping, because my homeboy, his son is a little over a year now, and he was dealing with the same thing. Like, yo, we can't even sleep in the bed because he has to sleep in the bed.
He won't go to sleep. But then they started just introducing him to the crib, let him cry, eventually falls asleep, and they'll get the hang of it. But, you know, first time parents understand. Yeah. Glad you guys are telling me things from your friends' experiences. Well, yeah. You know what it's like when a kid is fucking screaming their head off and you haven't slept in two days? No, I get it.
Take the boob and go to sleep. Yeah, no, I get it.
That's bad. That's rewarding bad behavior, though.
It's not bad behavior.
Well, it's her... It's just... No, Amara's doing what she knows. I'm not saying she's being bad by any means, but it's just not... You're not... The end result, like, that's not going to stop. It's the way... The way I look at it, how when in your house, when Baisley would scratch the door. Yeah, but Baze could do whatever the fuck she wanted. But this, you're doing the same thing with Amara.
You'd be like, all right, Baze, here's a treat. But like, she's not doing, you don't reward, she's tearing up your apartment. You know what I mean? Like, you have to set the precedence and be like, where this isn't allowed, we're going to change his behavior.
Yeah, the dog scratches, they put him in a crate. Yeah.
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Chapter 3: What insights are shared about sleep coaching for children?
She has to learn to self-soothe. It's going to be hell for you guys. It is going to be hell. In no way... You got to set boundaries. You got to set restrictions, even for your babies, even for your kids. You have to set boundaries and let them know, like, this is not, you know, you're going to cry. What's y'all cash app? No, I'm just saying I'm laughing because I never heard of it.
I thought a sleep coach was somebody like for for adults. Like, no, I thought the sleep coach was going to be there to coach her to fucking sleep. You told me this last week. I was like, oh, that's cool. Somebody in the house. Rory thought some random white ladies would come in the house. Yeah. For tomorrow with a fucking chalkboard. Like, what's it? What's the eraser board? Yeah. All right.
This is what we're going to do. Amara, you're going to set the screen.
So what was the plan? That's really what I thought. So what was the plan? So say you're in the room with Amara and she's in the crib, whatever. And she starts, obviously she would begin to cry at some point. Were you supposed to zoom in this woman? Or like, how was that supposed to?
That's what she told me this morning that she, that I could just, I could call her if I need to. Oh yeah. I put you on speaker. Yeah. Oh, you didn't know she worked remote. Yeah. Since COVID, you know. Yeah, everything's remote. I can't come over to your house. Like, I can't come. No, it's COVID. I can't. Yo, I feel like a complete sucker. No, that's what you are.
Okay.
I know the feeling. Are you a sucker or did you just not research well enough what a sleep coach was? We were on Zoom for a month with this woman. I've read all the literature. Everything that she fucking gave. We talked nonstop. You did the work. You did the work. Counting sheep. To start today. Yeah. That sucks. Now I realize it's going to be me and Amara. Yeah.
The two of us staring at each other for a week. Like the Spider-Man. Like she's not going to go to sleep at all. And I'm just going to be there on Zoom. Like, I don't know what to do. She just won't. She won't go to sleep. Say something to her. Yeah. No, that's not how it happens. She gives you the work and you have to do the work. That's all. You're just going to have to let her cry, man.
I know you don't want to hear your baby crying, man, but you're just going to have to put it out and, you know, just listen to her cry. I have spent many nights up with Amara till dawn, but this is about to be different because at the end, she has to sleep in this crib that she's never slept in. Yeah. Not under my tit or Kia's tit. Right. Just there. Yeah. No body warmth. No, nothing.
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts discuss planning funerals humorously?
Why? You could sit there and just shut up. Shut up and why?
Listen. Roy tried to bait me, by the way, with this text message.
I saw what happened to Alex Jones. What? Love and respect. Prayers for everyone involved. My friend was getting married. We're in the group chat. He's from Brooklyn. He's from Midwood. Why are we driving two hours into Connecticut for you to get fucking married? We were saying this in the group chat that he was in. On his wedding day. While he was taking wedding photos.
Bro, this is a bad choice. Getting out of the city on a Sunday is bad as is. Why the fuck am I driving this far into Connecticut? Right. So, you know, I don't even look at the GPS outside of arrival time. I didn't know the town. So I get off the highway. And I'm driving around. trying to get my shit together because it's like five minutes out. And I go by Sandy Hook Fire Department.
Then I go by Sandy Hook Elementary Memorial. And I said, I can't be in this Sandy Hook. Stop the car, open my phone because the GPS in the car was zoomed in. I was like, oh, I'm where all the kids got killed. I'm like in this entire area. Next door was the wedding. I could see the elementary school. Oh my God.
They must have got a good deal.
Is somebody from there? Is his wife from there? Is he from there? No. I'd imagine the property... That's why we were in the group chat. Granted, beautiful fucking wedding. The venue was great outside of the eerie school shooting. Nice venue. But...
Why? Yeah, Newton, Connecticut's beautiful. I think to Damaris' point, they probably got a really good deal because like that whole area is now cursed. Like no one wants to do anything over there. So I would imagine like property, lake homes, whatever's over there is probably relatively cheap.
I laughed to myself passing those signs like thinking I just am sick and have dark humor and then pulled up and was like, oh, I'm here. I'm actually in the place. Yeah. Then I pulled to the side. I parked my car in the shade because, you know, I'm white. Mm-hmm. Because I'm old and I sweat, I didn't put my suit on while I was driving. I changed in the parking lot.
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Chapter 5: What humorous funeral plans do the hosts discuss?
We podding for your funeral, Baby D. Same setup.
Chapter 6: What are the implications of having a past relationship?
So yeah, sit Baby D casket. Don't bring this whole shit to the church. Yeah, sit the casket right here. As a matter of fact, Baby D can be right here. Put Baby D right here. We'll put her casket in the same area. We'll put a mic next to it. Yeah. I'm not sitting next to her casket. Why not? I mean, you're going to have to sit kind of in the casket if we arrange it the same way.
That's actually funny enough. Me and my sisters talked about that. They were like, damn, like if you died, like, you know, with a pod, like what would they do? Would they put like a picture frame like in your seat? See what Lauryn Hill's like? Put your obituary right there. And here lies Baby D. I was like, damn, them niggas going to be sad. Rory not going to want to pod. You got Rory twisted.
Rory's going to come in here like. This is what you have to realize in a morbid way. If any of us die, everyone's going to keep podding. That's a fact. Show never stops. No, if y'all die, we're not going to keep podding.
One monkey.
We don't have a job. It's in the contract with Loyon with us. Yeah. If one of us dies, it keeps going. And we'll be having a contract, too, is if something happens to me or Rory. his half of the company gets split in between y'all. That is not. That is not. That's a lie. I know that's a lie. I know that's a lie. Real talk. All right, well, kill one of us, see. That would be a good time.
Y'all split 25. Y'all two quarter waters right there.
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Chapter 7: How do the hosts view the concept of mourning?
But you have to continue to cash out his sister and mom. Like with some of that bread. That's it. But y'all get to bust that bag down. Look at y'all. Quiet. Nah, Damaris over there. She over there contemplating. No, we quiet. He's going to kill you. We quiet for a reason. Damaris is like, I'm about to kill one of these. Rory easy. I can get Rory easy. It's hard with Ma.
I fall asleep around Damaris.
Chapter 8: How do the hosts navigate discussions about intimacy and relationships?
It's real easy, man.
Yeah, Ma. Yeah, it's Rory. Yeah.
But you got a kid. So I don't know if I would want it to be you because you got a kid. Maul ain't got nobody to live for. Damn.
What?
I got a whole family that loves me and cares about me. God damn. I ain't got nobody to live for. Yeah, but they got other people to live for.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ. Like, you kind of on that island. Because I don't have a kid? Yes. Damn. Or a girl. Let me have a kid before Damaris get any ideas trying to kill me. We should rip up the contract? Yeah. We got to change that. Change that. Let's get on the call tonight. Change that shit. But I do want to go see Bad Boys for her. Great thing.
Yeah.
Ride or die, right? How do you want your funeral? I don't know. I never thought about my funeral. Never? Nah. You want to be dressed like this? I'm not putting no suit on you, bro.
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