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New Rory & MAL

Episode 278 | Steam Room Trauma W/Chris Distefano

18 Jun 2024

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What topics are introduced in the beginning of the episode?

0.031 - 26.241 Unknown

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Hey, it's Nora Jones, and my podcast, Playing Along, is back with more of my favorite musicians. Check out my newest episode with Josh Groban. You related to the Phantom at that point. Yeah, I was definitely the Phantom in that. That's so funny. Share each day with me Each night, each morning

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26.761 - 50.774 Unknown

Listen to Nora Jones is Playing Along on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On paper, the three hosts of the Nick Dick and Paul show are geniuses. We can explain how AI works, data centers, but there are certain things that we don't necessarily understand. Better version of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Yes.

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50.954 - 55.378 Rory

Which, by the way, wasn't Taylor Swift who said that for the first time. I actually, I thought it was. I got that wrong.

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55.398 - 63.906 Unknown

But hey, no one's perfect. We're pretty close, though. Listen to the Nick Dick and Paul show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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65.827 - 82.89 Chris Distefano

It's Financial Literacy Month and the podcast Eating While Broke is bringing real conversations about money, growth, and building your future. This month, hear from top streamer Zoe Spencer and venture capitalist Lakeisha Landrum-Pierre as they share their journeys from starting out to leveling up.

82.87 - 90.349 Julian

There's an economic component to communities thriving. If there's not enough money and entrepreneurship happening in communities, they fail.

90.73 - 97.909 Chris Distefano

Listen to Eating While Broke from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

98.092 - 121.811 Maul

Maul, we are back on tour. Tickets are available right now. Rory vs. Maul, the campaign. It's an election year and we are outside. What's our first city? We're in Philadelphia, July 25th. Then we're in Detroit, August 22nd, followed by Chicago, August 25th. Then London, September 11th and September 18th. We're also in London. Then we're in Toronto on October 17th. Atlanta, November 22nd.

122.592 - 143.404 Maul

And then we are back home for the holidays. New York, December 13th and 14th. We're doubling up in London and New York for a specific reason. The second dates, which would be London, September 18th. New York, December 14th. First time ever. My Karma is Beautiful presents Rory Mall and Friends. Looking forward to this one. Some live performances. We're still going to pod. Yeah.

Chapter 2: How do Chris and Rory reflect on Father's Day celebrations?

263.635 - 286.68 Maul

How did that go? Who doesn't know who Chris is? You know what it is? A lot of people can't say my last name at all. New Yorkers can say your last name. They could say it. They could say it. Destalopoulos, I'll get. I'm like, you're an idiot. Yeah. I don't even, if I see somebody really struggling now, I just, I just cut them off. I'm like, listen, guy, you don't care. I don't really care.

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287.14 - 300.215 Maul

Let me just plug the dates. Why don't you ask me one stupid question that you Googled off my Wikipedia. Can comedy go too far? Yeah. All that. Ask me where I got started. Ask me whatever bullshit. Let me plug my dates and I'll get out of here. I don't want to do this. Yeah.

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300.235 - 302.178 Julian

Your manager didn't send like a list of credits.

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302.198 - 312.472 Maul

So he just got a, you know, he's a funny guy and he works hard. Yeah, that's it, bro. Let's stop with the fake. Just do it. So I want to go home. None of us want to be here. Let's shut it down. That's how I live my life now. Yeah.

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312.792 - 321.705 Julian

Morning Radio doesn't ask podcasters to come on because I guess we're their competition. Are we not? I'm mad. Like when we were on the road, we never got to do that circuit of Morning Radio.

321.685 - 340.044 Maul

You could do it. You don't, you don't want to do it. Why do you want to wake up at 6am? And no, I feel like it's fun. It's fine to do it, but it is, it's a lot of like, uh, yeah, corporate stuff. It's the same basic questions. You know, I just go in there, whatever they ask me, I don't, I just talk about what I want to talk about. I'm just like, I'm not going to answer your question.

340.364 - 343.747 Maul

I'm here to talk about Christ and how it's changed my life.

344.188 - 349.593 Julian

You're basically the Christian Mike Tyson at the end of a fight. Any question I'm asked, I'm just going to talk about a lot.

349.954 - 351.736 Maul

Say what I want. And then that's it.

Chapter 3: What are the challenges discussed regarding the WNBA?

351.856 - 369.074 Maul

Cause you know, at the end of the day, you go through this career, you realize nobody really cares. Nobody cares. Nobody's really listening. No, nobody's really important. No, it's a beautiful thing to kind of just, I'm 39 years old now. And it's kind of nice to be, uh, it's kind of nice to have given up, but also I'm working hard, but I've also given up.

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369.094 - 387.754 Maul

So now it's like, dude, that's an interesting space to be in reality. I'm right here, bro. I'm I've given up gracefully, but I'm still in the game. I'm still I got my whole family, but I don't care at all about anything at all anymore. Bomb them. Don't bomb them. Who would kill whoever you want? I don't give a shit. Let's just get through the day. I put my kids down.

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388.134 - 402.895 Maul

I'm in the same boat as you got to get them down to sleep. Got to eat dinner. And then I want to fall asleep watching Better Call Saul. I'm catching up. That's what I'm doing here. You know, people get all bent out of shape with every issue. I don't care what's going on in Australia. My brain hasn't been, we're too connected here.

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403.295 - 423.369 Maul

Why do I, social media has made me have to think about in a split second what's happening in Europe. I don't care. I'm an ocean away. I care about what's happening on this block in this room right now. You were just in Europe though. Yeah, I was just in Europe. You just did a London Belfast. You had a few dates over there. Good time over there. Show, shout out to people. They don't care either.

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424.23 - 445.856 Maul

They're living a different life in the UK. They do not get bent out of shape like we get bent. All the mistakes we make here as a society, they made that 200 years ago. They're like, we still got problems, but we're not... not everything is about being like so rich and famous and the most money. It's not like that over there. They're just like, Hey, like put in a good day's work. I respect it.

445.876 - 464.974 Maul

They destroyed the entire world. And now they just keep to themselves on that little Island. You got to give it up for European white people. I mean, they are, I mean, dude, think about how small England was. They took over India, Julian, your people. I mean, fucking subjugated. Like you can't imagine, dude, a little group of people took over. You have a continent.

464.954 - 480.718 Maul

And guys that look like us, little island in the middle of nowhere, just came in and said, we'll take it. And you did nothing because the European white is, is, is the European historic white was a bad, bad-ass motherfucker. Yeah. I'm watching Peaky Blondes now.

480.698 - 507.246 Maul

good yeah yeah second time watching the new white this new white what this is not i'm not this is no good i don't like this new white we're weak we're scared old school colonial white big deal our ancestors deal white conquered and we do absolutely not us though i can't even conquer but our ancestors look at you and i we're women oh for sure you're a woman 100 we would be i'd be women i we'd have jizz leaking out of our butts not even ancestors

507.226 - 511.313 Maul

The guy that's still alive in my gene pool. Let me tell you something. An old school war.

Chapter 4: How does the conversation shift towards parenting and generational differences?

729.465 - 748.831 Maul

We don't say a word. He understands. He looks like a guy from Peaky Blinders. He looks like one of the old school guys at the bar. You had to see him when we was in London. Oh man, he was happy to be home. This guy, you look like an English hooligan. Like you're just in the stands yelling, Fuck you!

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749.011 - 775.39 Maul

this is my eyelid yeah dude your liver is bad i can tell from here your liver is bad dude which is good though but you know what you're living free bro you're living good like he's feeling what you're good though he doesn't care about like you know health and wellness that's like a regular guy like i'm over here like oh i have to do yoga i'm meditating what is this guy this guy cheeseburgers yeah drinking beers this guy doesn't care if he drops dead at 50 probably will look at it doesn't matter

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776.382 - 798.769 Maul

I respect it. He has to stay in shape every four years for the insurrection. That's it. In between there, just do what the fuck you want. Julian's like in shape. He's fucking gay. This guy's like an actual guy. I respect him. That's a man right there. That's a man. And that's kind of, he has the old school conqueror head. You know what I mean? Like, look at his head. It looks like a boulder.

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799.289 - 819.176 Maul

His head's too big. He can't fit into hats. This guy can fit into a regular size hat. Look at his head. That's an old school guy. He doesn't have small heads like us. Like he's not petite. This guy, he just, he just gets up. He eats whatever he wants. Lard. And then he's, that's it, bro. He just walks around like a, yeah, dude, it's great. I guarantee you.

819.196 - 838.671 Maul

She, she thinks you're the hottest guy, even though you're not, but she's most attracted to you. Even though like we're all better and cleaner, but like he looks at you and you're just here. You shouldn't be working in technology like that. You're an actual man. He told you somebody messed with you mentally and was like, this is what you do.

838.691 - 863.039 Maul

You need to go out there and start beating the shit out of people. The NYPD would come in here and be like, give me this fucking guy. Put a fucking stick in his head. He looks like he doesn't ask questions. Yeah, dude. You look like you should be recruited. 100%. He has that old school look. Lunchroom Marines worked on him. 100%, dude. Oh, the pull-up bar. That's it, bro. Raw strength.

863.079 - 870.991 Maul

I like him. Yeah. Yeah. My head years of feminism with my bloodline just shrunk. My head got a little baby head. We're not, we're not real guys.

871.011 - 873.615 Julian

I was so happy when the trend of the fitteds went over the ears.

Chapter 5: What happens when a friend refuses to help with housing?

3116.025 - 3133.208 Maul

I'm like, yo, brother, I need somewhere to stay and shit, right? And he's like, I'm going to think about it. And then he hung up on me. So I texted him. I'm like, yo, brother, please let me know before. He gave you an answer, sir. I have to start applying to spots, you know, start wasting money and shit. Hasn't responded, right? And, like, now, you know what I'm saying?

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3133.228 - 3138.837 Maul

Like, I kind of want to cut him off for real because, like, you know, we supposed to be brothers. You know what I'm saying?

0

Chapter 6: How do personal experiences shape views on friendships?

3138.857 - 3155.05 Maul

He calls me his brother, says he loves me and shit. And it's like, we be brothers, you know what I'm saying? You'd rather have me out on the street? Yeah. Let me know what y'all think. He said, we're supposed to be brothers. He said, you love me and shit. But what you're paying for Patreon is hilarious. He's not telling us the full story.

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3155.511 - 3160.838 Maul

How does a friend go from, you can stay here, and then once you're staying there, say, nah, you can't stay.

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3160.858 - 3161.719 Rory

Go figure it out yourself.

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3161.739 - 3172.177 Maul

Yeah, he's doing something. He did something disgusting. He's fucking up the apartment or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you wouldn't just cut your boy off. His actual brother is his boy. I think it's a brother in the black.

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3172.197 - 3172.639 Rory

Close friends.

3172.86 - 3187.183 Maul

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That, yeah, bro. I mean. He definitely got caught beating off or something in the house. Something, bro. And then why is the new spot telling him he has to leave? That's why. Yeah. He's in a new spot and they're telling him the same thing. Like, yo, you got like... Well, I think that was a temporary lease thing.

3187.223 - 3205.985 Maul

He was like, okay, I'll go here for like a month or two until I'm allowed to be back in your spot. Yeah, bro, my advice is stop doing whatever it is you're not telling us you're doing. Whatever that thing that you... You're leaving out a key piece of information so you know what that is. And if you just stop doing that, I mean, bro, how do you get turned away from two places? Yeah.

3206.426 - 3214.497 Julian

Well, anyone that tells a 15 second story in a minute 30 is full of shit. Like... He could have told that from day A. I'm on my ass. My friend won't let me stay.

Chapter 7: What insights are shared about dating and cultural differences?

3214.517 - 3215.619 Julian

He said I'm going to stay.

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3215.659 - 3233.709 Maul

Yeah, he did something. He did something to his boy. Yeah, you keep saying this, that, and the third. We need to know what the third is. What's the third? Because that's the reason. Yes, that's the reason why you're not getting the apartment, buddy. Figure out what the third is. Yeah, and then come up with your third of the rent. Yeah, seriously. Exactly.

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3233.729 - 3246.824 Maul

Come up with your third, because that's what it sounds like. It sounds like he's not paying that rent. Yes. You know what I mean? Well, maybe he's nasty. I don't know what he could be doing. But, I mean, I've seen shit hoarders. He's not nasty than that, but the hoarders, at least they're paying their bills. Right.

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3247.044 - 3251.289 Maul

You got a bunch of shit in there, but the landlord doesn't give a fuck as long as you're paying your rent.

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3251.389 - 3251.509

Right.

3251.827 - 3259.021 Unknown

Chris, I've heard stories of like early comics moving into like a one bedroom and trying to make it a three bedroom. When you, did you ever have to do that?

3259.041 - 3277.272 Maul

I know you're from here, but did that ever happen? No. See, that's the blessing. This is a nipple comedian. Yeah, bro. Born into money on a roof. Well, born into New York. I would say like, that's the first break I ever got in this business. I was born in New York. I didn't have to like, pick up my bags and leave my hometown. I took the F train seven stops, bro.

3277.292 - 3285.221 Maul

I got off at Delancey and if it didn't work, I just went back home to my mom's house. It was food and everything. It's like, I did not take a big risk at all.

3285.522 - 3286.543 Rory

You just went outside.

Chapter 8: How do comedians navigate their living situations?

3347.533 - 3366.205 Maul

Yeah. It, it, it gets, it, it got, uh, it got pretty wild. Um, you know, listen, dude, when you open my comic, when you'll do anything to make it, I get it. But yeah, five guys in a one bedrooms, that's too much. Did it take one big check to get out of your mom's house? Um, what was it that finally got me? No, girlfriend.

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3366.526 - 3382.527 Maul

I got a girlfriend and she was like, you know, like, you can't fuck me here. She was like, yeah, you're 28 years old. And like, you, you know, you still, not only do you still live with your mom, you still are in the same bedroom you grew up in with what looks like the same sheets, the same, you know, I borders like Yankees, like borders all over my house.

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3382.507 - 3401.916 Maul

room so she was like i can't like kind of do this i'm like a 99 world series yeah she was like i'm done like you trying to quietly have sex with me on the floor so your mom doesn't hear you like i don't want to so i we've got a place we got a place and then we broke up like three months later but but at least i got out of the house and then yeah i got out when i was 27 28

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3401.896 - 3426.756 Maul

huh who got the lease cheap girl broke girl's kid it doesn't matter so then you ended up in the bathtub that's that's what i did no i actually wound up back at my mother's house and then i moved i actually then no then i did move in with comics uh annie letterman and nick turner we we lived together for a while and then and then and then i finally got on guy code mtv and i start to make some money and then i got my own place gotcha yeah worst purchase worst purchase with the guy code check

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3426.972 - 3449.053 Maul

Well, the guy code wasn't any real fucking money. It's like, you know, like you, that, that was like nothing. The worst thing I, worst purchase I ever did. Um, So the worst, the stupidest thing I ever did is I got into like a big fight with like my, you know, current lady. You know, we have family together, whatever. Got into a humongous fight, moved out, right?

3449.774 - 3468.101 Maul

Like this was like a fight that like, a fight that would like, you know, like I was being dramatic and she was being dramatic, but I like literally like moved out. I was like living with my family in this apartment we were renting, moved out and rented another apartment. And then the fight was over like a week later. Yeah. So then I was stuck with a 12 month lease that I could not get out of.

3468.121 - 3488.679 Maul

So I had two apartments, but I was like in a happy, loving relationship. But then I had just had this other apartment. So I found a comic to sublet it illegally for like three months, but then he moved to LA. So I had to pay eight months of like a luxury dope apartment. Yeah. For no reason at all. Like I completely wasted the money just because I thought, and, and this was also stupid.

3488.699 - 3503.757 Maul

This was the first year I ever made money where I wasn't, I did not understand that taxes are a real thing. So I thought you gave me a check for, you know, 20 grand, whatever. I got 20 grand. It's like, no, no, no, no. So then it got to the point where I didn't have enough money in my bank account to pay the taxes. Yeah.

3503.737 - 3524.755 Maul

So I had to get file extension after extension and I'm paying this apartment. So I was like getting recognized, like in the streets, selling tickets, not having like literally like negative money. Like I had negative income in like 2017. And so, and so now I've gotten like smart. Now I just like, I like live within my means. I like invest everything.

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