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New Rory & MAL

Episode 394 | Celebrity Simulation

05 Aug 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 15.369 Unknown

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Hey, it's Nora Jones, and my podcast, Playing Along, is back with more of my favorite musicians. Check out my newest episode with Josh Groban. You related to the Phantom at that point.

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15.429 - 17.131 Rory

Yeah, I was definitely the Phantom in that.

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17.191 - 33.413 Unknown

That's so funny. Share each day with me Each night, each morning Listen to Nora Jones is Playing Along on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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34.76 - 47.996 Danny Trejo

On the CINO Show podcast, each episode invites you into a raw, unfiltered conversations about recovery, resilience, and redemption. On a recent episode, I sit down with actor, cultural icon, Danny Trejo, to talk about addiction, transformation, and the power of second chances.

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48.317 - 69.519 Danny Trejo

The entire season two is now available to binge, featuring powerful conversations with guests like Tiffany Addish, Johnny Knoxville, and more. I'm an alcoholic, and without this drug, I'm gonna die. Listen to the CINO Show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On paper, the three hosts of the Nick Dick and Paul show are geniuses.

70.02 - 76.967 Danny Trejo

We can explain how AI works, data centers, but there are certain things that we don't necessarily understand.

77.247 - 80.81 Unknown

Better version of play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Yes.

80.99 - 93.943 Rory

Which, by the way, wasn't Taylor Swift who said that for the first time. I actually, I thought it was. I got that wrong. But hey, no one's perfect. We're pretty close, though. Listen to the Nick Dick and Paul show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

95.864 - 116.312 Unknown

It's Financial Literacy Month and the podcast Eating While Broke is bringing real conversations about money, growth, and building your future. This month, hear from top streamer Zoe Spencer and venture capitalist Lakeisha Landrum-Pierre as they share their journeys from starting out to leveling up. There's an economic component to communities thriving.

Chapter 2: What happened at SummerSlam and how did it impact the hosts?

410.509 - 431.494 Damaris

You're supposed to tell the waiter that came over to you and Fonte. Yep. And be like, yo, listen, that couple over there, whatever they're eating, whatever they're drinking, bill it to me. Nah, I'm cool. See, you ain't sharp and still sharp and still, man. I got to get you right, man. You got to talk to Loyon because I don't have fuck you money to start paying for everyone's dinner.

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431.675 - 448.608 Damaris

No, I'm just saying. It ain't that. It's just, you know, it's my ex. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. I asked Carly to put the drinks on Apple's bill. As you should. Apple Music got this one right. That's cool, though. That's cool to see you actually doing good and, you know, she's happy on a date. Yeah. And I thought it was cool. Small talk.

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449.109 - 469.926 Damaris

I may or may not have texted her the next day and said, hey, good running into you. See, now he could do that, but not pick up the bill. He could do that, but not pick up the bill. I think that's crazier to do than picking up the bill. It was good to see her. Of course it was. You said that at Radiant. I'm sure you said that when you saw her. The guy, no, I didn't say that. She was on a date.

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469.986 - 474.01 Damaris

I was like, yo, you look fine. No, no, no, no. Say, hey, good seeing you. How you doing? You good?

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474.211 - 474.551 Rory

Oh, yeah.

474.611 - 487.324 Damaris

I mean, I did when we parted ways. And when we left, my car was parked the way they were going. But that awkwardness of waiting for the elevator, sitting in the elevator, walking out of the hotel, I was like, I'm just going to go around 7th Street.

487.404 - 488.285 Rory

Yeah, you got to go the other way.

488.325 - 506.438 Damaris

I don't even need to. I don't even need to go that way. You can't walk the same way. You cannot walk the same. Cause now it looks weird. And now he's about to turn around and ask you what's up. Like following us. Like, yeah, definitely twice my size too. But I mean, I'm, I think I would have been fine. But he definitely had reach. Like on a dark Brooklyn street. I don't know. He may get me.

506.458 - 509 Damaris

A lot of people got reached. They ain't touching nothing. But what's good, though?

Chapter 3: How does the discussion about DJ Quik and Dr. Dre unfold?

586.599 - 609.245 Damaris

Yeah, like you used to be like into the culture and you left the culture for some years. Now you're trying to get back in because Jade is so beautiful and athletic. But that was not the event to be sober at. From the time I walked in, I saw 37 Hulk Hogan's. Yeah. I saw 26 Macho Man's. They were quoting him too. I saw 17 Randy Orton's. And I'm just mauled.

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609.265 - 628.109 Damaris

I'm just like, oh, I was supposed to come here as a wrestler. Then you got the guys who like you could tell wrestled in real life, but didn't make it to WWE. But they're just like waiting for like a Royal Rumble to happen at the merch table. Yeah. They take steroids for no athletic purposes. It's just like, all right, I'm just here to support. Jade, hope that she wins.

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628.911 - 648.013 Damaris

I'm not here as a fan of wrestling. I'm here as a fan of Jade. I will say, I didn't need to look at my ticket of where our seats were because spotting you sitting by yourself was the easiest thing in MetLife history. Oh, for sure. For sure. Where we're sitting, I was like, I see where we're sitting. It's Maul in dark sunglasses, just like this by himself.

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648.073 - 648.353 Rory

Oh my God.

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648.494 - 664.39 Damaris

With a row of five empty seats. Oh man. It was just, yo, it was a lot, bro. That's why I had to sit. I sat, when I walked in, they walked me to my seat, showed me the seat. And then I was like, yeah, now I'm going to go get some, something to eat, some water. Like, I'm not going to sit out here. Like, so I went to the back and was sitting in the lounge, was watching some of the matches.

665.011 - 684.257 Damaris

And then I walked out when they said that Jade's was the next match. So then I walked out to the seat and sat down, but it was just like, It was a great experience, though. Thank you for having us. Thank you for bringing us to SummerSlam. It was dope. Yeah. But you cannot go to SummerSlam sober. I mean, I would agree. You cannot do it. I've only been there once and I was not sober. You cannot.

684.357 - 704.948 Damaris

It is the worst decision. It's a hundred times worse than going to the club sober. Like, being sober in a club is... Probably equal. They're probably equal. No, no, no, no, no. That was being in that stadium and, like, just being in the middle of just fanatics. Like, that's what they are. They're fanatics. They love wrestling on a whole different... I love wrestling, too.

705.429 - 725.234 Damaris

Haven't followed it as much as I used to as a kid, but... Yeah, that was different. I snuck pre-rolls in, but because we were under the WWE and they gave us tickets, I didn't want us to get thrown out of. I would have passed you the weed. Oh, man. When we were sitting at security, it was right there. It was just too close for comfort. But it was a dope event.

725.354 - 749.55 Damaris

I totally understand the power that WWE is, watching that whole production. And just, you know, the things that it takes to put on that type of show is incredible. So it was dope to see that, though. It was dope to see Jelly. Shout out to Jelly Roll. Listen, man. Jelly Roll, they gearing him up to be the next Undertaker. That's why my voice is raspy. I was screaming for Jelly Roll.

Chapter 4: What are the details of the Nicki Minaj and Dez Bryant situation?

976.705 - 991.189 Damaris

Oh, he didn't. Okay. You don't know? He might have some fur showing. Oh. Yeah. Okay. I saw you tweeted that you want to be a wrestler now. Yeah. I was watching it. You will get your back broke. You know how fucking hard that mat is? Somebody slam you on that fucking mat?

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991.209 - 1004.09 Unknown

Well, everybody has to train for something. Obviously, I would have to spend years and years training. In no way, shape, or form did I want anybody to think I was just going to walk in a ring and be a wrestler. But when I was watching like the whole like production of it and everything in the acting, I'm like, this is cool.

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1004.13 - 1018.052 Unknown

Like, I feel like a lot of being a wrestler outside of being an amazing athlete is being entertaining and being a personality. And I was like, I feel like this is something that I would be good at. I feel like I'm a little bit too old to start, but I'm like, yeah, I feel like this is something I would be good at or I would have been good at.

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1018.184 - 1035.071 Damaris

I mean, Jade is a little older than you and she just started like a few years ago. So you might not, you need to start like today though. I was going to say like this afternoon. Yeah, this afternoon you need to go to like to a gym and be like, y'all want to be the next WWE champion. There's got to be like a local circuit somewhere. Long Island, there has to be something.

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1035.211 - 1056.583 Damaris

Oh yeah, somebody's backyard. For sure, in Long Island. Oh yeah. Yeah, Baby D, you can get on the card next weekend if you want. Nah, I'm cool. Watch Baby D get slammed through a picnic table. Yeah, Baby D. You're going to run into like a female Kimbo Slice. No, we get Baby D right on that card next week and walk right in the back yard like, yo, we got Baby D with us.

1056.703 - 1059.086 Damaris

But they use real picnic tables, not breakaway tables. Yeah, nah.

1059.147 - 1059.868 Rory

You have to break the table.

1059.888 - 1075.83 Damaris

Yeah, this is real. These are real. This is the real deal in Long Island. Definitely. We got there a little late. We missed Cardi B. She was doing her, she premiered a song, right? I think I saw the clip on Twitter. I just think we were late. I didn't see that. Yeah, she came out and did a new record. I think that's like cool promo. I think I was dealing with it.

1075.85 - 1098.646 Damaris

I think I was in the lounge when she was on stage, though. For some reason, her and Drewski had better seats than us. I don't know why, but I felt a little slighted. I don't know about you. I sent Colin a nice DM over the weekend. I don't know if he's seen it yet, but he'll get it. I really appreciate WWE giving us those tickets. The seats were great. Free food.

Chapter 5: What insights are shared about celebrity parenting rumors?

3536.235 - 3558.011 Damaris

It's not the same. Go crazy over it. Dogs know. Dogs know when you pull into Starbucks. They know. They just know where they're at. So if I went to the clinic, Basley would lose her mind. Knowing it's like, oh, this is just like Starbucks. No, she'd lose her mind. She'd want to leave the clinic. Yeah. I don't think that Jason Lee and Tiffany has had a baby.

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Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to the idea of a pregnancy pact?

3558.031 - 3576.428 Damaris

No, actually, I know they didn't. Tell me about your pregnancy pack. I'm still cool with a girl. We had a pregnancy pack, but she has a boyfriend now. I had a pregnancy pact. I ain't going to lie. I had probably about nine pregnancy pacts. Oh, he was one of them. I owe like nine babies. I ain't going to lie. I definitely owe nine kids. What happens when they come back for their death? No, no, no.

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3576.468 - 3586.646 Damaris

Some of them have had kids already. But it's probably like four that are probably quietly still waiting but don't want to tell me. Yeah, but it's not going to happen.

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Chapter 7: What comedic advice is given for shopping for a man?

3586.666 - 3599.185 Damaris

Y'all could go ahead and have a baby. I mean... I mean, it's too late for me now because I feel like having a child... I was about to say the real way. Having a child the real way.

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3600.633 - 3627.062 Damaris

the way god intended i feel like then you can't god didn't intend for people to have babies like this like after having a child i would feel very awkward like just nutting in a cup to give to a friend because we said that we agreed to this wait is that how you was gonna do it you wasn't gonna like have sex with her no we were it was a friend pregnancy pack yeah but you gotta have sex with your friend oh i didn't think of it that way you didn't think of it i'll shoot i'll shoot her a text

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3630.4 - 3646.215 Damaris

And you know what's crazy? I know somebody texted you when you actually had a baby and was like, you lied. No, I know what you mean. Somebody, one of your pregnancy packs definitely texted me like, you lied. My loose ends of life were well tied up by the time Amara was born, thank God.

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3646.836 - 3662.285 Damaris

Because I'm sure there's plenty of people that when they announce their pregnancy to the world, don't have everything tied up. And they're at the hospital getting crazy text messages. But all jokes aside, what if this is real though? Like, what if Jason Lee and Tiffany Haddish did really have a baby together?

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3663.206 - 3663.466 Unknown

I hope.

3664.388 - 3665.83 Damaris

You don't hope that they had a baby together?

3666.09 - 3667.192 Unknown

No, I wasn't going to say that.

Chapter 8: How do the hosts discuss the implications of throwing dildos at WNBA games?

3667.212 - 3675.464 Unknown

I said I was going to hope. I hope that, you know, everything works out. I guess they're doing it as friends. I hope everything works out. I know that can be a messy situation if it goes wrong.

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3677.648 - 3679.891 Damaris

Let me tell you something. If Jason Lee and Tiffany Haddish really had a baby.

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3679.911 - 3680.652 Unknown

I'm being positive.

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3681.013 - 3699.212 Damaris

Bro, the simulation is fucking glitching. Like, it's people doing shit that just ain't supposed to be done at this point. Okay. I mean this respectfully. How old is Tiffany? Tiffany's getting up there with age where you have to get to. She's not old for the earth, but, you know, for childbirth.

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3699.232 - 3700.193 Unknown

Jesus Christ. Yeah.

3700.334 - 3724.067 Damaris

Sometimes. 45. Yeah. You know, and Jason Lee is gay, but I'm sure still wants kids like this. That would make total sense to me. How many kids? I hate when you make sense, man. Common is in... Anytime I see Common, he's like breakdancing or freestyling in New Orleans. Like, yeah, maybe Tiffany had an ultimatum. Like, I need a baby or we're done.

3724.748 - 3740.636 Damaris

And then she went to Jason Lee to cry on his shoulder because that's a friend. And he was like, well, yo, like, I don't like vagina, so I can't like... Have a kid. So how about you just take my sperm? I don't see Jason Lee doing that. I definitely see Jason Lee.

3740.656 - 3742.098 Unknown

I do. I see Jason Lee doing it for sure.

3743.821 - 3745.744 Damaris

Really? And the kid's name is probably Beyonce.

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