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New Rory & MAL

Episode 491 | Pretty Brown Eye

08 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 3.597 Damaris

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.

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4.579 - 23.17 Robert Smigel

Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy. Not quite. On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an a cappella band with their between-songs banter.

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23.15 - 28.108 Unknown

Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter.

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28.269 - 34.712 Robert Smigel

Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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70.096 - 88.305 Mal

We are back. End of the week. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. Clap it up, baby. Clap it up. It's another one. We get another one. Get another week. Get another week. Ryan has dubbed it. Make it wink Thursdays. That was definitely not. Make it wink Thursdays, ladies. Make it wink. Send them a video. Send them the invisible ink and make it wink.

88.325 - 88.425 Unknown

Yeah.

89.114 - 95.272 Mal

Left or right eye? Huh? The brown one. Okay. You know which eye it is. Come on now. Make it win Thursday.

95.292 - 96.676 Unknown

Only if she has brown eyes. That's it.

96.696 - 101.169 Mal

Come on. Pretty brown eyes. 5'5 with brown eyes. What you thought Met Condition was singing about when they said pretty brown eyes?

Chapter 2: How do followers impact celebrity status after the Instagram bot purge?

306.01 - 322.396 Rory

Exactly. But... Hey, if it works, it works. I did see, are they adding the dislike button to Instagram as well? Was that true? I saw that in the same report, but again, it could have been a bot that said that. I don't think the dislike button. Or comments, not specifically for photos, but if someone writes you a comment, you can dislike the comment.

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324.179 - 328.346 Mal

Oh yeah, I'm going to utilize that one. Y'all be in there calling me a homo.

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329.566 - 330.931 Damaris

You're just going to put your thumbs down?

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330.951 - 338.901 Mal

Yeah, thumbs down. I don't glaze. You're going to say, hey, I don't like this. Yeah, I'm not a glazer. I don't like you calling me that, sir. I'm not a glazer. So I dislike that. I dislike that.

339.472 - 340.233 Rory

Uh, yeah.

Chapter 3: What are the implications of buying followers on social media?

340.253 - 361.105 Rory

Instagram is testing a private dislike or downvote button for comments on reels and feed posts to improve comment quality and reduce hostility. Just cause you're adding a, I don't think someone that is calling you the F word is going to be discouraged because there's a dislike button. I don't think it'd be like, well, no, no more of this. I'm not going to use that. I see the light now.

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361.125 - 365.393 Rory

This was, uh, He disliked that. I saw the light now.

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365.533 - 366.815 Mal

Yeah, I can't use that word again.

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367.016 - 381.259 Rory

This is a revelation to my life. I shouldn't be mean in comments anymore because there's a thumbs down button. Yeah. But this feature is currently available to a small group of users. Does not display a public dislike count and aims to influence future comment ranking.

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381.9 - 387.069 Mal

Yo, Cristiano Ronaldo lost 7 million followers? Damn. The bots was on him heavy.

387.249 - 387.349 Unknown

Yeah.

388.409 - 390.452 Mal

But that doesn't necessarily mean he bought them, right?

390.632 - 390.813 Unknown

No.

391.153 - 404.152 Mal

That just couldn't happen. As famous and as popular as Ronaldo, you just have so many different accounts following you daily. Yeah. I'm positive Ronaldo didn't buy any Instagram followers.

Chapter 4: How do soundtracks influence the emotional impact of songs?

1252.13 - 1270.957 Mal

I don't know the damn one. Damn, life has changed, hasn't it? Remember the good old days? Damn. I used to get nudes on a random Tuesday. Wow. Conquer the day, King. But keep that in mind. And it'd be a nude. Keep that in mind. When they need help with their rent and all of that, keep that in mind. You think that's what I'd be doing? Let them be homeless. Let them be homeless.

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1270.977 - 1272.742 Damaris

But you're going to definitely help somebody with some rent before.

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1273.223 - 1277.033 Rory

No, of course I have. Like nudes. I'm like, oh, send me a nude. I'll pay your rent.

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1277.013 - 1280.899 Mal

No, no, no, I'm just saying the one that you helped with her rent should have sent you some nudes for your birthday.

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1280.919 - 1296.104 Rory

Women I've dated, I've never helped with rent with just like a chick. Yeah, so women that you used to date for your birthday, they should have sent you some nudes. Even if they're in a relationship. Even if they're in a relationship. That just rolls over from the rent payments. It's like a security deposit that I didn't get back. I didn't get it back. All I did was mount the TV.

1296.484 - 1299.889 Rory

Like I can't get my security deposit back. I got some pictures.

1299.969 - 1303.413 Mal

It's crazy. Send the news, man. It's making week Thursday.

1303.593 - 1320.249 Rory

Everyone's getting older. I realize, and this isn't a, everyone hates men's birthdays. It's just in general. When people get older, I just like even friends, just a little happy birthday text. People used to like post on Instagram and talk about like the friendship we had. Like now it's just like, Oh, that's today.

1320.309 - 1325.995 Mal

Right? Still breathing. Still living. Yeah. Another year. So I need, but maybe do you make any wink this Thursday?

Chapter 5: What is the significance of the Mike Vrabel and Diana Russini affair?

2431.555 - 2434.399 Rory

You know, this is an endorsement for Applebee's.

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2434.96 - 2435.921 Damaris

Shout out to Applebee's, man.

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2435.941 - 2437.243 Rory

Shout out to Applebee's. Good place, man.

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2437.263 - 2437.844 Mal

I like Applebee's.

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2438.044 - 2443.011 Damaris

Shout out to Diana Rossini. No, shout out to Diana Rossini for real.

2444.375 - 2448.659 Mal

We back on this? Mike Vrabel, Diana? Dirty Diana?

Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to the scandal involving Mike Vrabel?

2448.759 - 2454.746 Rory

No, Dirty Diana is dirtier than we thought. Dirty Diana. And it's Dirty Mike and the boys, for sure.

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2454.966 - 2459.29 Mal

Well, we understand Mike being dirty, but Dirty Diana. Why, because of CTE?

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Chapter 7: What new music releases are previewed in this episode?

2459.31 - 2461.012 Mal

I mean, yeah. Come on. Well, no.

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2461.072 - 2463.374 Rory

Mike ain't thinking straight. More came out.

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Chapter 8: What are the listener's thoughts on reenactments during dinner?

2463.895 - 2488.513 Rory

I guess everyone's just been sitting on files and videos for forever, and they finally are just now... reaching the timeline. They had video and paperwork of them renting a boat while she was pregnant with the child. She ended up naming Mike. We thought it was kind of nasty, but this is like, this is different. This has entered a whole new level. This is like you holding her belly on a boat.

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2488.893 - 2503.674 Rory

And then the kid's name is Mike. Wait, he was holding her belly. I just assume. Oh, you can't get up. If you want a boat and she's showing, you're not going to touch her belly? How's Mikey doing? Yeah, probably. Come on.

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2506.798 - 2510.763 Rory

Oh, I understand that she has a brother named Michael. We talked about that the last time. Yeah, but I've never taken a boat ride.

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2510.783 - 2524.18 Mal

But Mike wasn't on that boat. I've never taken a boat ride with just me and my sister. Nah, never done that. Oh, naming a kid might be after the brother. No, it's definitely Mike Vrabel. That's a great alibi for her story.

2525.257 - 2528.128 Damaris

They wild, boy. They wild.

2528.57 - 2543.436 Rory

I haven't seen photos of the kids and I don't want to because that's nasty and that's private. So I hope we never see photos of the kids, even if they are out there. Do we think that that might be his kid, though? If you want to vote, she's showing, and the kid's name is Mike. Before, I thought it was just... That's way too many coincidences.

2543.496 - 2550.883 Rory

It was gray area layover of a fucking affair gone wrong, but nah.

2550.963 - 2559.711 Damaris

She's showing? I've been told y'all that girl is wrong. I told y'all that. Dirty Diana. She's wrong, bro. That baby name should have been Steve.

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