Chapter 1: What humorous anecdotes does Nick share about life in the sewer?
Teksting av Nicolai Winther Teksting av Nicolai Winther Nick the Rat live from the sewer! Yeah, it's fucking 41 degrees outside, and it's pretty shitty outside, so I'm hiding out in the sewer, having a good old time. Thought I'd go live tonight. That last song that you heard, that intro music, that shit was, it was pump, it was pretty good shit. It was called...
It was either called Derby Day or Strong Suit. By either Derby Day or Strong Suit, I don't really know. I was looking into it, but then I stopped. So that's all you get from that information from them. Yeah. It's crazy out there in the world. There's somebody stole a Bigfoot sign in Florida.
It led to a lot of titles in the news saying like, Oh, the cops in Florida are looking for Bigfoot. And all the people are like, Oh, wow, they found Bigfoot. Let me click that link. It was a sign. Somebody stole a cardboard cutout of Bigfoot from somebody's front yard in Florida.
Now it's making the news. Fucking big news, people. Huge news. And other big news. Subway is saying goodbye to its $5 foot long. $5. $5 foot long. That shit is no longer available. If you have never gotten your $5 footlong fixin', then you have sadly lost the opportunity to do so. Which is probably better for your anus than not. But, uh, let's see. Now it's $6. The $5 footlong mouse.
Six dollar for a whole foot long. I guess maybe their stocks are going up or down. I don't know. Maybe it's time to buy? Does that mean to buy Subway? Can you? I don't know how they can make a song out of that. Six dollar. Six dollar foot long.
It doesn't have the same ring, if you ask me. You ever walk past a subway, and, like, you could smell the bread that they use? It's slightly alluring to me. I just want to go inside of every subway they have and smell all of their bread.
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Chapter 2: How did Subway change its iconic $5 footlong deal?
Oh, man. Let me do a line of bread. Go in there and ask them if that is something I could do. Probably isn't. They'd probably throw me out, and there's probably like five cops in there. There's always cops in Subway. You go in your local Subway. Wait a second.
Now that it's six dollars, maybe there won't be any more cops in the subway. I could get my sandwich faster. Give me my fix. Give me my fix. Um... Yeah, so... I'm gonna be promoting some, I guess... Some, like, free music stuff.
Because that's all I can do. I can't really play you the top of the charts, because that would cost money, and I'm hurt, especially since Subway went up. But I guess I'll start debuting artists that I just find. This is... I'm not promising you anything from it.
Um, but I found this dude, Lord Kenny. I don't know, he's a up-and-coming rap star, perhaps. A song called Promises. Promises, everybody, from Lord Kenny. Let's see. Let's see what he can deliver. Does he have that fire, that burn? Outro Music Outro Music Outro Music Outro Music
Yeah, you promised it was real. Chin and kickin' at the crib. Yeah, you promised it was real. 3D homies, they ain't shit. And I'm feeling like a martyr, I'm smarter than all you know it are. The experts are so harsh, can suck on my cold boss. Because I be so raw, like water, smell it backwards like Chris Outro Music Outro Music Outro Music
Yeah, you promised you was real Chillin', kickin' out the crib Yeah, you promised you was real Greedy homies, they ain't shit But they promise that they real Greedy homies, they ain't shit
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Chapter 3: What controversy surrounds McDonald's new mozzarella sticks?
I'm just teaching all y'all bastards. We the same one of a kind. We gon' be alright. Let's get it. Well, everybody, let's hear that shit full of promises from Lord Kenny. It's... I think he's the next big thing, personally. I don't... I don't know. Last week we had Raynor from StarCraft on. He was a hoot. Raynor here. Hey, guys. I just wanted to let you know that the Zerg are under control.
Yeah, well, last time we had Rainer here, he was, I think, fighting the Zika virus. He found the queen mosquito that's been spreading it. Yeah, I found her. She's big and stinky. I don't really like going near her. I poked her with a stick a few times, but... Yeah, Rainer, I don't know why you're poking her with a stick. That's probably just going to piss her off, and she's going to stab more people, and there's going to be more babies with small heads.
Well, you know, I really, I'm into big heads. My head's pretty big. I don't know if you've seen the little talking head at the bottom of the screen when I'm there, but it's quite large. Yes, Rainer, your head is large. Um, maybe... I don't know what that has to do with... Um... So anyway, Zika virus has been around since 47.
I don't know why it's a big deal now. I think it has to do with the Olympics. Somebody in the world was mad about the Olympics going to Brazil. And they were like, well, we're going to talk about the Zika virus doing this shit. So you're trying to tell me this is a worldwide conspiracy? I don't know if it's worldwide. It could just be a conspiracy between a couple of people. It's probably not true. I don't know, but...
Yeah, you know the Zika virus thing continues on. They're pushing it through, much like the Ebola one. I didn't see one picture of people bleeding out their eyes and shit when the Ebola crisis happened. It might have occurred, but I didn't see it. I guess that's a good thing. I wouldn't want that around my backyard.
Well, that's why I protected you from this Zeke queen over here. You could send your money to me. I could use more money to fight it. I know of a place that we could hold the Olympics. It doesn't have to be in Brazil or anywhere. We could host it in my backyard, and you could give me like a bajillion dollars, and I'll have some naked people jumping over sticks in no time.
Alright, Rainer. That sounds... That sounds amazing. But I don't think that's gonna fly. So, let's go back to Lord Kenny. Lord Kenny is the musical talent of the day. He's gonna be big one day. He's big now. I've seen him. He almost stepped on me. That's the rough part about being a rat. You're really small. But anyway, Lord Kenny is called the rabbit hole. Let's hear what he's got.
Might be really good. Might not be. Might not. You might like it. Might not like it. I don't know. Well, you know. Fuck it. Try it out.
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Chapter 4: What insights does Nick provide about the Zika virus and its impact?
Outro Music Outro Music Outro Music Outro Music
I think it's all a joke, man, I think it's all a game Everybody wants the money, but nobody wants to pay Everybody wants the honeys, but nobody wants to stay Everybody wants the range, but nobody wants the pain Everybody wants to reign, but nobody fought the rain on my skin Everybody wants to win, but nobody wants to sin Everybody want to reign, where we go from here? I don't know
Where we going? When you got nowhere to go? I'm taking it slow on the road, trying to get my head straight. All the people know, if you don't, let me demonstrate. Demographics full of hate, can you relate to what I say? White and black, what's that? Name that separate race, man, I hate that. Gotta get back on track and back to whacking. Whacking seeds, I seem to be the best of my generation. Bringing energy to the children in every nation. Entity of provocation, purified the bitches. Hating in class with ass, but no class. Just a single mom, no dad. In a couple years, so sad. Grab a couple beers, cheers to the life that I've been through.
Outro Music That was the rabbit hole by Lord Kenny. I wonder what he lords over. Lordy, lordy. In other fast food news, I'm in the sewer lot, so I'm here now. That's why you hear that crazy dripping in the background. I gotta call the plumber.
Yeah, so McDonald's is in the news too over a food discrepancy. There's a lawsuit. They started selling mozzarella sticks at McDonald's, and somebody's suing them in California. Good old California. He's suing them. He's saying it's not real mozzarella. Think about that one for a second.
He said there's just, like, additives and preservatives, and it's not real cheese. And McDonald's is like, fuck you, dude, it's mozzarella! And they're coming to bat for it. They're swinging hard. They're swinging real hard, actually. They're like, dude, shut up, man. This shit's 100% real cheese.
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Chapter 5: How does Nick connect aliens and Uber in a humorous way?
I hope so, because I just ate some of those mozzarella sticks when I was fighting the Zika queen. Um, and I do feel a little bit queasy, and if I ate something that wasn't mozzarella, I'm gonna be on this shit for at least like four or five days. This Zika's gonna get out of control. America's fucked if this is true. This is horrible.
Well, thank you for your input there, Rainer. Why do I keep letting you back on the show? We don't need to hear about your bowel movements. But thanks for protecting us from fighting the Zika virus and all that shit, you know. Amen to you, brother. Yeah, well, you know, I'm gonna be a veteran soon. I'm about to retire. I've been in the game for a long time, my friend. This bike is hurting my ass.
Yeah, you got that cool-ass bike. Spider mines and whatnots. Let's see here. It's currently 42 degrees. It's 6.24 p.m.
February 7, 2016 in New York City! Well, under New York City. Does time go slower the further to the core of the planet you get? Cause I'm feeling a little bit slow. I don't know if it has to do with this beer or... I don't know, this shit's slow. Oh, today's the Super Bowl! Go football! Corporatism and shit. You know, the NFL, they don't pay taxes. It's...
Do we got a presidential McCandigate going after the Football Association of California? Like, cause like, why don't they pay taxes?
They give little kids concussions and stuff, man. Little kids throw their heads at each other. It's like a head-damaging situation. It's like, oh, you don't gotta pay taxes. You're getting to get the school kids to learn stuff with getting their heads bashed in. Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, that's going on tonight. And if you're in New York, I heard this is pretty fucking cool. If you look at the Empire State Building, they're gonna somehow put the lights on that shit to represent the score of the game. So I gotta check that out. I don't know if they're gonna do it in binary or something, or it's gonna be like little light meters. I don't think they can do numbers. It's not really digital. I'll say that much.
Oh! Alright, pardon me. That was pretty gross to do. I should have stopped. I should have stopped myself from burping in your ear like that. Anyway, let's go back to Lord Kenny.
We got a couple more Lord Kennys to push into your ear. We already played... We played The Rabbit Hole from Lord Kenny. And we played Promises from Lord Kenny. And, oh dear Lord. He's got a song called My Name is Remix. This might... Well, I'll let you decide. Lord Kenny, my name is Remix. Go for it, dude.
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Chapter 6: What strange ghost stories from Japan does Nick discuss?
Outro Music Yeah. Yeah. so what's my name my name is the shameless the brainless kenny baby and i'm waiting to break in i'm shaking i'm baking ricky bobby baby homies naked i forgave them but i'm not faking i'm just quaking like the aces why you hating i'm amazing like kanye west said i'm a maven and if i die before i wake i pray to god my soul to My name is The Shameless Outro Music
I'm a maven My name is The shameless The brainless Kenny baby And I'm waiting To break in I'm shaking I'm baking Ricky Bobby baby Call me snaking I forgave him But I'm not faking I'm just quaking Like the Haitians Why you hating? I'm amazing Like Kanye West said Bitch I'm a maven Yeah
Mad Cat, Lord Kenny. Uh. Uh. Yup. Ohio till I die. Ohio till I die. Alright, that was Lord Kenny with my name is Reed. So, I guess that was pretty cool, but I thought it was going to be good going, Lord Kenny. Mmm... So...
Back in the news this week is good ol' North Korea, right? It's not South Korea. South Korea is the good Korea. North Korea is the bad Korea. Naughty North Korea. They're shooting missiles. They're gonna face more sanctions. Cause there was a rocket launch apparently. They're shooting rockets everybody.
America on the other hand is selling guns and selling missiles and selling lies to everybody. Coca-Cola and other sugary candy water to people and treating adults like children. But fuck North Korea, they shot a rocket.
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Chapter 7: How does Nick explain the relationship between ghosts and aliens?
It probably went like 50 feet, popped, I don't know. I heard they were, I heard they're evil. I don't really know why. I heard the dude fed his uncle to a dog once or something, but...
I didn't see footage of this. If I saw pictures, I might be inclined to believe this a little bit more, so they'd not believe this, but I heard it was true from CNN and the other news corporations of the United States of America.
You know what really is upsetting me about America, man? When people call it like the motherland or the fatherland, and I like the president and all that. My number one goal is to protect the people of America. No, your number one goal is to protect the Constitution.
I share that quirk with that annoyance, that what they should be saying, tap a deal, anger, with Adam Curry. He brought that shit up way before I brought it up, because he's been on the air for at least a longer time than me. But also, there is issues out there with the way that the news and the politicians and all that comes to you, you know, like,
Hillary Clinton is evil. Bernie Sanders is gonna lose his voice before he gets the opportunity to turn America around on his heels and stuff. Donald Trump is crazy. Well, he's a businessman. He might be able to do business, but I don't know about everything else. I still think that vermin guy should become president.
What was his name? Like, vermin boot on his head? Now that guy, he knows how to talk to the American people. He knows how to get what is done to be done. But that's, that's not gonna happen. I'm still on the air, people. I was just wondering if you'd stick around if I went silent for a little bit. Today's episode is brought to you by Weihannsteffner. Weihannsteffner. It's a...
Hefe Weissbier. It's a Bavarian style premium Bavaricum beer. The world's oldest brewery, it claims on the bottle. I don't know how true this is. Fuck, how could it be the world's oldest brewery?
Well, if it is, fuck, it's good on them. They're probably fucking rich. You guys really should pay me for the sponsorship instead of me just getting drunk off your beer on the radio. The internet lobs. But yeah, it's brought to you by them. So, I guess I got some Marlowe Premium Hikers Trail Mix!
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Chapter 8: What closing thoughts does Nick share about his experiences and music?
It's... There's my sponsor too, I guess. Brought to you by them. It's... I don't know, it's okay. Peanuts are just a decent peanut, and the raisins... It's an okay trail mix. I can make my own trail mix, but... But... Yeah, I'm not gonna be growing peanuts and raisins and stuff anytime soon. It's also brought to you by...
Classic, raw, natural, unrefined rolling papers. It's authentic. Good for your lungs. Okay, so those were not really... They weren't really sponsors. I only got no sponsorship. CNN's the sponsor, though, of this week's episode. It's a cable news network.
They're a joke. Come on. All these news outlets are complete jokes. Waste of time. They're brainwashing you. They're taking your brains and they're making them into little raisins. And then they put them into a heck of a trail mix. And that's just what you are. You're doomed to be slaves by the American government and their media. Yeah.
I need to maybe drink a little bit more. Perhaps. We also got more Lord Kenny. Got a few more songs by them. Might be able to use them to round out the hour. Maybe we can find Bigfoot or something, too, before the show's over. Bigfoot is very elusive these days, because it's...
Got a bus pass, I think. He just, maybe, so he's on the bus. I'm always in the subway, so I barely see that guy. But, you know, I heard Bigfoot, he could get lost in the city by Lord Kenny! the vibes.
It's a city, city full of pity, pity. The more they drink, the more they get so silly, silly. I'm running around just living like a chicken with their head cut off. Us and my thoughts and feelings. I'm gone, but I'll be back in the morning to collect my soul and the more important every dream that I support. Once I can't afford a four Lamborghini with the suicide doors instead of suicidal thoughts knocking at my
Outro Music We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Outro Music You're gonna smoke dope and have a good time. This is gonna be a changing day in your life. So how are you doing overall? What's your question? What do you want from me today? Really. Get over it. You're gonna smoke dope and have a good time. I'm a drunk pimp. And just don't think, just start talking.
Quit taking yourselves so damn seriously. Is that the truth or a lie? You're gonna smoke dope and have a good time. Do you agree that you've smoked pot? Are you taking medication? You are a paranoid controller. Six. Nine. Four. Two. There's no zero. I can't do 420 on that one. You're gonna smoke dope and...
And have a good time. All right there, Dr. Phil. Thank you for the recommendation of the dope smoking. Yeah, he definitely told you to smoke dope. Zika mosquito. small-headed children or something with like 20 legs. This is scary stuff, man. This is stuff that your mom did not teach you about when you were growing up learning how to ride the motorcycle and shooting space bugs.
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