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Chapter 1: How did boarding school shape Millie Mackintosh's early experiences?
The other thing we have in common is boarding school girls. I went to four boarding schools. Shut the up, did you actually? What's the story of how Made in Chelsea came to exist and how you ended up on it?
I was in my room trying to get ready for a date and I walked out in my underwear and then they were like, who are you?
Chapter 2: What led Millie to join Made in Chelsea?
You need to be on the show. I got the bus to filming and then they made me get in a Bentley. Now, I have heard you say that you think anxiety is a made-up construct.
Well, hold on. When did you start thinking about the fact that you wanted to remove alcohol from your life in this serious way?
You have the night, you know, things get out of control. At the time, like, you just think you're having fun. Even you might know you've taken it a bit far. You wake up the next day and you are just like, . Yeah. I was pictured.
Hi, dolls. Welcome to Olivia's house. Today's guest is TV personality, fashion and beauty entrepreneur, author, model, and mum to two gorgeous girls.
Chapter 3: How does anxiety manifest in Millie's life?
It's Millie McIntosh. Thank you for having me, finally. I know, finally. I feel like we've been having this conversation for a minute. We've been Instagram friends. We've been DMing back and forth, especially the last couple of weeks.
Chapter 4: When did Millie decide to stop drinking alcohol?
We've both been in the trenches. Yeah, I think everything you've been posting, I've just been like, I feel you. I know, and my publicist would wish I'd post less. But also, when you see something, you're like, okay, that meme or that quote really, we relate to that. I'm going to post it. I know, it's kind of hard not to, even though I'm like...
oh I probably shouldn't post it anyway how are you like how are you today how's how's do you know what I'm actually really good today so I'm just gonna go with that go good yeah and every day is different I think every day is so different um up and down it's a journey it's definitely you know life is lifing but I'm really focused on all the positive things in my life yes there's lots of exciting stuff going on and yeah most days I actually feel good on that note
We have a little tradition here in the clubhouse where I ask my guests what they want to leave at the door. It can be something, a trend, a person, a thing. It's whatever you just want to stay outside today. What is it?
Anyone out there who just enjoys bringing people down?
That's a good one.
Just kind of people out there that are going to take the time out their day to go on your Instagram account and leave a horrible comment. Like, what's the point? Like, did you need to do that?
Is that something you've found that you've experienced more in the last few weeks rather than going on? Or is it something you've always been aware of since you've been on telly?
I think it's just something I've always been aware of. And I actually don't let it bring me down. I just kind of find it sad that people feel that they need to do that. If you don't like me, fine. If you don't like my content, fine. But do you need to actually make the effort to comment on it?
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Chapter 5: What challenges does Millie face with ADHD?
It's just, I think like Instagram, social media has created the most like perverted exchange between humans. Because like we always say, those interactions, nine times out of ten, thank goodness, they would never take place face to face. People, I've never had anyone approach me and go, oh, I really hated you on Love Island. But they will message you that.
But if they saw you out, they probably would be like, oh, can we get a selfie? Yeah, they would. They'd definitely ask you for a selfie. Yeah. And then it's interesting that I think when you're going through a bit of a rough time or...
you maybe have made a mistake or like i'm going for a breakup like i might post something and someone might dm me and go oh this is why your you know your relationship didn't work out and like what would actually go through your mind to think yeah this i'm going to write this and hit send someone but the only way i can rationalize it is you hurt people hurt people and i kind of hate that bullshit because it gives people like a free pass but it is true because no one happy or balanced behaves like that no
Do you ever interact with those kind of comments or DMs?
I try so hard not to because I think it just feeds it. Yeah. And then they're like, great, I got the attention I wanted from that comment. So if anything, I just don't think there's really a place for it and I don't want that to be part of my platform. So sometimes I do like block or delete. I just don't want it there.
I actually, I think I'm quite weird. I leave rude comments because I just think it's interaction. Yeah. I'm like, I also think sometimes people need their moment. And I'm like, yeah, I'm actually fine. The only, I'm like, you know, you can have a little spot on my picture. Yeah.
But the only time I ever, and it doesn't happen too much, but if it's about, if someone comments on my, and this is what pisses me off, if someone comments on my page about,
I don't know, about a rude thing about my friend or someone in my family or someone that basically hasn't asked to be like, you know, on this stage that I've chosen for myself, then it's gone and they probably will get a message from me because I feel very protective over like my friends, my family who haven't asked to be a part of this, you know.
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Chapter 6: How did reality TV fame impact Millie's mental health?
Do you reply to comments? Well, I mean, my agent is here. I don't so much anymore. I definitely in post Love Island world when, you know, we went into Love Island, I came out of a million followers. Like, you know, there's no amount of overnight PR training that can teach you how to manage that crowd control that.
So I used to do a lot of like, you know, like Michelle Obama says, like, they go low, we go high. Yeah, I love that quote. I go in the mud. Yeah.
i'm like i drag you to fucking hell like are you i'm going you want to load low i'll show you low so i used to do a lot of like you know like someone messaged me or you like this and i'd get on them and go have you seen yourself you you know fucking this that and the other so i used to do a lot of that i don't so much anymore scarlet so you can breathe um because obviously as well when you have the platform and the you
You know, you just, this has to be, you know, you're expected to kind of just take, aren't you? So when you like respond on their level, you can get yourself in trouble. And also you shouldn't do that. I'm a little bit more mature now. Yeah, but it's like the dopamine hit, right? Yes. And like, you know, as a fellow ADHD girl, you get like, we love cheap dopamine.
Like whether that's an interaction. Any dopamine. Betty Dove mean shopping, falling in love, like an impulse decision, alcohol. We'll get on to all of that. But let's go back because the other thing we have in common is boarding school girls. But you went to an all-girls boarding school. I went to four boarding schools. Wait, shut the fuck up. Did you actually? I went to four, yeah.
Because you were having a bad time at school. Yeah, it's like a combination of having a bad time, one closed down, one only went up to age 12. So I, you know... And then I wanted to go to, the three of them were all girls and then the last one was mixed.
And which, like, what was your kind of, if you had to overarch your experience of school, how would you?
It's not good. No. No, I struggled to fit in. I struggled with bullying. You know, being at boarding school when I was 10, it was pretty hard, you know, being away from your family. Yeah, it's brutal. Yeah. I think I learned quite early on kind of not to, you know, my feelings weren't valid or, you know, I couldn't really express how I felt.
And because I didn't really feel like I fit in with like a particular group of friends. And I felt like a bit of an outsider. I kind of became a bit of a chameleon. Like I didn't really know who I was. I was like, okay, I'll kind of be whoever this group of people needs me to be so that I can be accepted. Because that felt like the kind of safest thing to do. Yeah.
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Chapter 7: What was the turning point for Millie's sobriety journey?
Like that is, that's tough. And is that how, did you find that difficult? That element of like, I'm stuck there with these people that I don't like?
Like massively. I was looking through some old photo albums at my mum's house recently from the age when I was about 12. And I just looked so pissed off. And that's just how I remember being. I was so angry at my parents for making me go to boarding school. So angry with the school. I just kind of was like, I'm out to...
cause trouble because I just wanted to rebel against the whole thing and yeah it's hard it's for like weeks at a time it wasn't weekly boarding no oh so you were I did weekly you say and the only time I didn't go home was when I was this I was saying this on another day it's really sounds so draconian our detention was that you couldn't go home on the weekend they said keep you in
So the only time I wasn't home on the weekend is if I was, they called it gated, which also I feel like was just so counterproductive because what, you know, you keep all the naughty kids in school over the weekend. What are they going to get up to? Skeleton crew of teachers. That's going to fucking work. That's when I started smoking because I was like, what else are we going to do?
We're here all weekend. Yeah. So, yeah. So that, I mean, that's tough. And you went at 10. Went at 10. And have you had conversations with your mum as an adult about, has she said to you, I wish I hadn't sent you or...
I feel like they definitely thought they were doing the best thing for me. And like, you know, it wasn't all bad. That first school was in Dorset and we rode ponies every morning. Yeah. You know, and there was some kind of magic to it. It was a bit like St. Trinian's. Yeah. But then there was also the kind of, you know, really bad homesickness. This is like before mobile phones.
So it was like you got one phone call a week. And there was a lot of like, you know, homesickness for like a long time. And then... I think maybe after about a year, I kind of found it okay.
And that, I think, it can do two things. I think it can create resilience. And I think for me, in the end, it created resilience. But I think sometimes it can cause more damage than it does. And is that how you would feel?
I spend a lot of time in therapy talking about some of the scars I have from that time in my life. But I do think it also kind of forces you to be quite independent sometimes. Yes. Which is a good and bad thing as well.
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Chapter 8: How does Millie manage her ADHD and anxiety today?
So all those racing thoughts, all those computer tabs that are constantly open just shut down. And still to this day, that is the effect alcohol gives me. And that's why people who are neurodivergent have the highest addiction rates of anyone. And did you feel that as well, that kind of that quiet and like that all the chatter in your mind just kind of went away?
I don't think I had the awareness at the time to be like, oh, my brain's like gone quieter. I just was like, I like this feeling. I want to keep this feeling. I want to chase this feeling. And so whenever I could, I would get drunk.
I guess I know the answer to this, but would you ever send your girls to boarding school? No.
No, I wouldn't under my roof. If they really wanted to go, age 16 and it was weekly. Different. Different. But that would probably be the only scenario I could imagine. I'd want them to go. What would you? No, I don't think so.
Unless they were a real little... I'm joking.
Everyone's like, wait till they're teenagers. But I'm like, no, but they need their mum.
Yeah, I don't think that's the kind of, I can't, how do I say this about making it sound bad on my mum?
I know, that's the problem.
I know, it's hard, isn't it? Because I know, same as you, my parents said what they thought was the absolute most, you know, and it was, and in so many ways, it was a wonderful experience. My sister and brother thrived at boarding.
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