Chapter 1: What secrets does the host reveal in this episode?
Oh, hey, it's the lady with no intro because this is not a typical episode. I guess a lady with no intro is an intro. Listen, listen. This is all secrets. These are all new wall-to-wall secrets. Dad, what are you doing? Here's what I'm doing. I'm taking a little breather, okay? I was just in New York for the Webby's. We won two, everyone.
We won Best People's Voice for Science and we won Best Science Podcast. That makes our fourth Webby. And I feel like I should be posting about this online more to brag about it. But it feels arduous to do that. And I know I should. I don't. I know people have asked, like, what's your least favorite thing about the podcast? And it's usually posting about it, but I'll try it. All right.
So here's the deal.
Chapter 2: How did winning the Webby Awards impact the host's perspective?
I've been working on this episode that's coming out next week. It's about wine. It's a two-parter. And I didn't get it done in time, which is why it's a Wednesday and this is going up. And I thought, you know what? Let's take a breather. Let's just chitchat. I know that the parts of the show that probably are the most real to me are at the very end. So I thought I'm...
I'm going to take the bra off of my heart and I'm just going to relax and we're going to do a wall-to-wall secrets episode. Thank you everyone who supports the show via patreon.com slash ologies. You can join for as little as a dollar a month. And also we have Smologies. Those are shorter kid-friendly episodes. They are G-rated.
This one will not be a Smologies and it will not be G-rated probably. Also, thank you to everyone who leaves reviews for the show. I didn't look one up yet. Do you want me to though? All right, I'm gonna look one up in real time. One thing that I'm not doing is editing this. I'm gonna try so hard not to edit this whole episode.
The whole point is I'm gonna record it and it's gonna go up immediately. Okay, I haven't pre-read this. Masterson031, it says, it's like the most interesting friend brought her most interesting friend.
Yeah.
This was just me. Sorry, Masterson. Yeah, they say that the podcast makes science approachable the same way, so that so many of us are interested, but don't think we know. I read that whole sentence wrong. They said, it's so great, highly recommend. You got the gist. Yeah, so it's usually like I bring someone and then I bring you along for the party. But right now I'm in a dark room.
There's no lights on. I have a candle lit. And this is going up within probably an hour of me doing it. Okay, I prepared a lot of secrets. Let's get to them. All right, we're back. Oh, wait, we're not back yet because I forgot the part where I say thank you to sponsors of the show who make it possible for us to donate to a cause of this time my choosing. And thanks for doing that.
OK, now there's a break. You might hear an ad or two. OK, we're back. And so now I'm going to tell you some secrets. I have written a bunch down. I've put them on little slips of paper and I'm going to pull them from a gigantic mug that is full of secrets. OK. And then the music goes.
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Chapter 3: What personal anecdotes does the host share about awkward social situations?
Okay, now we're back. Do you like how unedited this is? A lot of you don't realize how much we edit the show. Everyone's like, why don't you do video podcasts? It's like, because we edit out a thousand ums and so many of my likes and you knows, so many stammers from everyone in the show. And so the work that goes... on to get a show up in air is, I promise you, more than you could ever fathom.
Jake, Mercedes, Susan, Noelle, working behind the scenes. And so this one is zero of that. So I don't know. I'm nervous about this because I'm so used to editing and also I get self-conscious sometimes about putting too much of myself in here, not because I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I don't really care about that, but just I don't know how much y'all want to hear.
So if you're listening to this, you're here for a reason. All right, first secret. I love that I'm like, I'm in a dark room with only candlelight and now I can't read these slips of paper because it's too dark. Oh my God, the first one I pulled out is that there might be a lot of likes and ums in this. And I feel like I already said that.
So if there's a lot of likes and ums, then you're getting the real me. Sorry about it. Okay, the next one. Okay, this secret is something that is embarrassing to me and I don't think I've... I can't go back to this one cafe in my neighborhood because it's a new cafe that just opened up. And I thought I'd saunter in there and do some work on my laptop.
Because in America, we don't have a lot of third spaces. And in Los Angeles in particular, I like the library, but I also like to have a beverage. So I went to this cafe. It was brand new. I was the only person in there in the morning. And I was like... It's going to be a one on one situation with the person who's running it.
And so I ordered something at their recommendation and it was not a good drink. It was so sweet. I forgot to also say that like dairy gives me bubble gut. And so I and then I was sitting there working. I was trying to fake drinking it because I knew they were like, how is it? And I just I should have asked for it. like a nut milk or something. And it was also like so cloyingly.
And they also didn't have Wi-Fi. But the most embarrassing part was that the guy who worked there had a motorcycle out front and I was making conversation.
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Chapter 4: What are the host's thoughts on the importance of birthdays?
I was like, was that your motorcycle? And he's like, yeah, it is. I like going riding and stuff like that. And he's like, do you ride? And I was like, I don't. And I said that my husband used to, but he thought I said that he did. And so he's like, do you ever ride with him? And I don't know why I felt so awkward that I just was like, no.
And then he started talking to me about my husband's motorcycle. And then I just pretended like he had one still. And I just didn't, I don't know what happened. This is the worst first secret because it's not coherent at all.
But I'm just saying I went in, I felt really awkward because I had a one-on-one situation with a barista where I didn't really like the drink or the vibe or the smell and there was no Wi-Fi. And I accidentally led him on to think that my husband had a motorcycle. And so I walk really fast past it every time. But he was really nice and I wish the cafe the best.
I'll order different next time I go in.
next secret that I pulled out is sometimes I miss unscripted stuff which again feels like there's a poltergeist guiding my hand on which of these secrets that I'm pulling out because as soon as I'm like this is a stupid secret it's not even a good one I pull out that I miss not writing all of my points down ahead of time and here I am you and me in a dark room floundering through my secrets.
Okay, here we go. I've had two sex dreams about Andy Richter. The first one was at least 10 or 15 years ago. And it wasn't a sex dream, but it was at least like a heavy petting, heavy makeout dream. And it happened on Conan's couch, which is really just like a very small love seat from what it, even on TV, it looks small. And
And in my dream, I had this like heavy makeout session with Andy Richter and I knew he was like never going to call me again. And then I realized later that I left my bra in the couch and I watched Conan and whoever was on the couch, I thought, I wonder if my nude bra is still on the couch. So that was this did not again, if you have been gardening or multitasking, this didn't happen.
It was a sex dream. But then literally last night I had this dream where I was on a date with Andy Richter again and he was really tall and we were like making out. And I was like, I have to tell him I'm married and I don't really know. I don't have feelings for Andy Richter in that way. I think he's fine. I think he's great. But I've never... I don't have any sexual impulses.
But for some reason, twice now. And I don't feel like I have random make-out dreams a lot. Andy. DM me. Don't. I actually... If I ever saw you, I don't know what I would do. I would sweat so much. I'd go hide behind a plant or something. Nobody saw him, if anyone knows Andy Richter. Um...
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Chapter 5: How does the host feel about the editing process of the podcast?
If I walk into like a Subway or a 7-Eleven that has a, you know, a bar of condiments for your hot dog, I smell a banana pepper and I'm like, I gotta go. I don't know what it is. I like pickled things. I like peppers. I do know what it is. I do know what it is. I was on a Latin trip bus when I was in high school to go.
I took Latin for four years in high school, and once a year they had a Latin convention, and it would be at some high school in California. You'd all get on a bus. You'd pile on a bus. Imagine the demographic of people who were in a four-year Latin program. It's a lot of unshaved chin stubble from 15-year-olds.
It's a lot of people who are still learning about etiquette and hygiene and eye contact. And I was sitting next to this guy named Adam. I don't think he had learned about deodorant yet, and his pit smelled like pepperoncinis. Like the same sort of acrid... vinegary spice. And since then, I can't smell a pepperoncini. And if the one's on a sandwich, I'd rather just give it to a pigeon.
They deserve it. Okay, next one. Oh, this is a secret that's a tip too. Keep a towel in your car. I don't know if you've heard me say this at all before. A dish towel in the car, you're going to need it more than you think that you will. You spill coffee on your pants. You spill an entire iced tea on your pants. Somebody sneezes. Somebody barfs.
Mustard shoots out of a packet when you're going down the highway with some drive-through options. You're, like, having... I definitely am, like, take whatever leftover napkins you have, shove those in a glove compartment. But also, a dish towel... I cannot tell you how often I use them. And I switch them out. But let's say that you find a baby possum in the road or something.
You got a dish towel. It's so handy. And while we're at it, if you take a tube sock, whatever one doesn't match or your favorite, you put that tube sock in the little door thing.
cubby that's next to you every time you have a piece of trash again it could be a shiny gum wrapper it could be a plastic top you put that in the sock and then next time you wash your car you just turn that sock inside out all those little pieces even if it's just maybe it's an not an apple core because I don't know how often you change it but you not like don't put a banana peel in there but if you've got a little something something you got a receipt you want to put in there that tube sock will make sure it
And it's discreet. And I like that. So tube sock and a dish towel. Now you know. What's our next one? Okay, this is something that I love. And it's, I don't know if anyone can relate. But if you have something you love, and it's been discontinued, There is a grief that's hard to explain because you think, number one, am I alone in being someone who loved this?
The rest of my community, global or local, didn't love this as much as I did. So it's canceled. It's gone. It's not available. And also, what's my life going to look like going forward? I think that's a big aspect of grief. And if something like a lip balm that you really love gets discontinued, You feel alone because how come nobody else liked it?
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Chapter 6: What tips does the host give for improving personal organization?
I definitely am going to die before this lip balm runs out. And if anyone else is like, I love that stuff, get in touch with whoever runs my estate sale. Speaking of death and getting run over and stuff, I was just in New York and I loved it. I love New York. I always liked New York, but I was there alone. I went to the Webby's and they're like, sorry, we cannot afford you a plus one.
And I was like, I'm rocking this solo then. And I was walking around New York a lot. I was trying to get my steps in. I was just vibing. I had my iPods in and they default into noise cancellation mode and I almost got mowed down by a cab.
more than once and i'm like i need to turn these on like really loud mode it's so easy to vibe and it's so easy to look one way or not and i didn't die no one almost like ran over me but i definitely was like it was close so um you gotta watch it with your light my life a movie um let's see what we got for the next one you're being so patient thanks for hanging out with me
So this analogy episode about wine next week is going to be so good. And the fact that I can just sit here and ramble at you and you're here and hanging out with me makes me feel really nice. It's like, you know, when there's someone that you like and they ask you a question and you go, thank you so much. Actually, this is what this feels like. I'm not offering you a lot of facts.
Very little helpful advice. I'm not cutting anything I'm saying. I'm leaving the pauses in.
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Chapter 7: What are the host's views on sustainability and eating insects?
I'm messing up and I'm just posting it. And I'm not going to do that every week, trust me, because that's not what you're here for. But every once in a while, it is really nice just to chill with y'all. Okay. What's the next one? Oh, here's a hot tip. You know how sometimes you're, you've got a, well, okay, a couple things about birthdays. I love other people's birthdays.
I think that if you have a friend, I've said this before, if you have a friend and they died. And you would use that as an excuse to get out of something. Not even an excuse, but like a reason to get out of something. Like, I'm sorry, I cannot go to the movies. I just found out my friend died. I feel weird.
Or if you would go to their funeral, if they died, they were a chum, you got to go to their birthday party. If you would celebrate this person when they're dead, which arguably is for you, foreclosure, you got to try to celebrate them when they're alive.
So I'm a big fan of birthdays and I try to keep a birthday candle and a match in my wallet because you never know when it might be someone's birthday and you just find out or you've got to celebrate. I've been to birthday dinners. I went to a birthday dinner recently, a big birthday dinner for someone close to me and No one had a candle. Restaurant didn't have a candle.
There were like 25 people there. No one had a candle. She couldn't blow anything out. I didn't have mine with me because I was traveling. So have a candle on you. You never know. But also, if you are tasked with like making a cake or bringing a cake and you feel overwhelmed by it, because I get it. Cake, you need plates. You need all kinds of stuff.
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Chapter 8: How does the host reflect on the nature of creativity and self-expression?
Here's an idea. Make Rice Krispie treats instead. It's three ingredients. You need butter. You need marshmallows. You can go vegan if you want. And you need cereal. Cereal. You put that together. You put that in squares. People can handle it with their hands. Who doesn't like a Rice Krispie Treat? Sometimes people are like, cake, I'm okay. But they'll take a sliver of Rice Krispie Treat.
Make it easy on yourself. A couple of ingredients. No baking. You bring a Rice Krispie treat to the office for your co-worker's birthday. You've made them happy. You've made everyone happy. And you're not cleaning up any pants. And you're not having to stick a toothpick in anything to see if it's liquid in the center and burnt on the outside. So go easy on yourself. You know what?
We're going to take a break. We're going to take a break. We're going to donate to a charity of... My choosing. And thanks to sponsors of the show. And this week, it's going to the Hand of Salvation Initiative, which I think I've talked about on the show before. It's a group in Gaza.
Our two friends, friends of Mercedes Maitland, she introduced me to them, and they are collecting money for people in their camp who have been displaced. by the war and the genocide in Gaza. And they take the money, they distribute food to people in the camps around them. They are still living in tents. There are rodents, there are vermin, their home is destroyed.
There are children who are hungry. So they take the money and they Send us videos. They send us thank you notes. They feed the people around them. Recently, a windstorm knocked out their solar panel, which was five grand. And nobody had electricity to charge their phones to have communication with the outside world. So we replaced it for them. And they're wonderful people doing wonderful things.
Tasneem and Nadal. And so they are on Chuffed. We're going to put the link to their fundraiser. We just wiped it clean and we're re-raising money for them. So if you feel like sending them a few bucks, they're really wonderful people. We're in communication a lot and it's going, it's the most grassroots fundraising I think I've ever encountered. It's literally going to feed people around them.
So if you want more too on that conflict, you can listen to our genocide episode. which we re-aired with updates last November. Okay, that is a donation to Hand of Salvation Initiative. Thank you, Mercedes Maitland, lead editor of the show, for introducing me to them. And thank you for all of the amazing work they're doing out there.
Thanks to sponsors for making donations possible every week, which is my favorite part about doing the show. Okay. Okay, we're back. More secrets. Thank you for sticking with me so much. I'm glad you're still here. Sometimes I get really freaked out about doing the show. I've done it for what? Eight years, I think. We're almost, yeah, we're on our eighth year. No, we're on our ninth year.
We're going to turn nine this year. We've done 500 episodes, over 500. The allergies episode that we did, the allergies allergy episode that we did a few weeks back was our 500th. And we just like unceremoniously passed 500 episodes. We're always racing to the finish line to get these out. We do 65 episodes a year on this feed. And then for Smologies, we do 50 episodes a year, if you have...
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