Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
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What are the three reasons we settle in love?
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm so grateful you're here. Whether it's your first time or you've been on this journey with me for a while, this space is for you to listen, learn, and grow. If you're here, it means you're dedicated to making this year the best year of your life so far. Now, today's episode is a little different and I'm so excited to share it with you. Instead of me leading the conversation, I'm the one answering the questions. This is a powerful discussion between me and Lisa Bilyeu, where she's interviewing me on some of the most important lessons I've learned about relationships. I love this conversation I had with her and I felt I really wanted you to hear it. Lisa is an absolute force.
She asked me really deep questions that made me really reflect. And whether you've just been through a breakup, whether someone's taken advantage of you, whether you feel like someone's just led you on, this episode is for you. Thank you so much for listening. Let's dive in. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
So many women end up settling. Now, not because we want to, but because we're scared. We're scared of being alone. We're scared of starting over. We're scared that maybe this is as good as we can get. But that fear is actually then just keeping us stuck. So how on earth do we start making choices based on our worth so we never settle for less than we deserve?
There's three reasons that we settle. The first is we settle because... The fear of being alone is greater than the pain of being with the wrong person. We settle because the suffering we understand feels safer than the happiness we haven't experienced yet. We settle because A part of us believes that familiarity is truth. And what I mean by that is when you've experienced mediocrity for long enough, you start to believe it's destiny. You start to believe that's the life that's been paved forward for you. But the deepest reason we settle, and it's something that you alluded to, is that we think there's someone better out there, but we don't believe they exist for us. And that's the most interesting part.
We think there's someone better out there, but we don't believe they exist for us. And it's because we have such a limited, restricted view of ourselves. I don't think it's that we have low self-esteem or poor self-esteem, that's a part of it. But the bigger part is we don't actually realize what's possible for us, what's possible by us. And that comes because we've been told to play small. We've been told to shrink. We've had people in our life, relationships, past exes that have made us believe that if you play within the confines of these walls, that's all you're meant to be. And so I think when I think about your question, the thing that comes to mind the most to me is I want people to start by looking at their life as if they didn't have any of those scripts.
If you didn't have that script, if you haven't heard those lines, where would you start? And in order to do this, Lisa, what's interesting is you actually have to disappear from your life. Now, what I mean by that is you don't have to run away, you don't have to quit your job, you don't have to not hang out with your friends, but you almost need to sometimes stop talking. I think the reason sometimes we feel we have too many opinions in our life is because we ask the wrong people the right questions. We ask the right questions like, do you think this person's right for me? Do you think I should be in this relationship? Do you think this is the best I can do? But we ask them to the wrong people.
And it's really interesting, we ask other people questions, but we never ask ourselves those questions. And we outsource and crowdsource these major decisions in our life. And so what I mean by disappearing is we have to take a step back. We have to shut our mouth. We have to close off a little bit and go, am I asking the right question to the right person or am I asking the right question to the wrong person?
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What are the three reasons we settle in love?
0:01–4:37
2
How can we break the cycle of chasing the wrong partner?
4:37–5:44
3
What is the technique men use to flirt with women?
5:44–1:10:24
4
How do we differentiate between comfort and complacency in relationships?
1:10:24
5
What are the daily habits to build self-worth?
34:13–1:28:49