Lisa Bilyeu

Yeah, it's so true. I go to like, is it still moving me towards your goal? Yes or no. So actually there's two parts. Is it still moving you towards your goal? And is this still fulfilling? Because those things sometimes, right? It's like, well, no, we get a, you know, especially in entrepreneurial world these days, it's like, you know, be on your grind, hustle, hustle, work hard, move forward.

Yeah, it's so true. I go to like, is it still moving me towards your goal? Yes or no. So actually there's two parts. Is it still moving you towards your goal? And is this still fulfilling? Because those things sometimes, right? It's like, well, no, we get a, you know, especially in entrepreneurial world these days, it's like, you know, be on your grind, hustle, hustle, work hard, move forward.

Yeah, it's so true. I go to like, is it still moving me towards your goal? Yes or no. So actually there's two parts. Is it still moving you towards your goal? And is this still fulfilling? Because those things sometimes, right? It's like, well, no, we get a, you know, especially in entrepreneurial world these days, it's like, you know, be on your grind, hustle, hustle, work hard, move forward.

And so the question is, yes, work hard, but are you working smart? And are you working in the right direction? It's like, think of, you know, I love analogies. So just thinking about going in the car and it's like, you want to drive to New York, right? But you actually take the wrong freeway and you keep going and you're just like, But I'm on this freeway now.

And so the question is, yes, work hard, but are you working smart? And are you working in the right direction? It's like, think of, you know, I love analogies. So just thinking about going in the car and it's like, you want to drive to New York, right? But you actually take the wrong freeway and you keep going and you're just like, But I'm on this freeway now.

And so the question is, yes, work hard, but are you working smart? And are you working in the right direction? It's like, think of, you know, I love analogies. So just thinking about going in the car and it's like, you want to drive to New York, right? But you actually take the wrong freeway and you keep going and you're just like, But I'm on this freeway now.

It will eventually get me to New York. But do you want it to take 10 times longer? What if you now realize, actually, I don't want to go to New York anyway? We're like having these assessments of, am I still on the right path? Do I still want to go to New York? All these assessments, just because you're one year in, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. In fact, that's when you should.

It will eventually get me to New York. But do you want it to take 10 times longer? What if you now realize, actually, I don't want to go to New York anyway? We're like having these assessments of, am I still on the right path? Do I still want to go to New York? All these assessments, just because you're one year in, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. In fact, that's when you should.

It will eventually get me to New York. But do you want it to take 10 times longer? What if you now realize, actually, I don't want to go to New York anyway? We're like having these assessments of, am I still on the right path? Do I still want to go to New York? All these assessments, just because you're one year in, doesn't mean that you shouldn't. In fact, that's when you should.

I wish I did that. In eight years, I didn't do that even once. Me and my husband, we play this game called no bullshit. What would it take? And so the no bullshit, what would it take to X, Y, and Z? So let's say your goal is to build a company and you're like, okay, no bullshit. What would it take? It would take me. seven years to make a hundred thousand dollars.

I wish I did that. In eight years, I didn't do that even once. Me and my husband, we play this game called no bullshit. What would it take? And so the no bullshit, what would it take to X, Y, and Z? So let's say your goal is to build a company and you're like, okay, no bullshit. What would it take? It would take me. seven years to make a hundred thousand dollars.

I wish I did that. In eight years, I didn't do that even once. Me and my husband, we play this game called no bullshit. What would it take? And so the no bullshit, what would it take to X, Y, and Z? So let's say your goal is to build a company and you're like, okay, no bullshit. What would it take? It would take me. seven years to make a hundred thousand dollars.

And in that path, I will have to give up on spending Saturdays with my partner and I can no longer get my hair done. Like that's what no bullshit. What would it take me to get to your goal? Actually refine, where are you going? No bullshit. What is it going to take to get you there? And then are you willing to do it? Because that's the thing, right?

And in that path, I will have to give up on spending Saturdays with my partner and I can no longer get my hair done. Like that's what no bullshit. What would it take me to get to your goal? Actually refine, where are you going? No bullshit. What is it going to take to get you there? And then are you willing to do it? Because that's the thing, right?

And in that path, I will have to give up on spending Saturdays with my partner and I can no longer get my hair done. Like that's what no bullshit. What would it take me to get to your goal? Actually refine, where are you going? No bullshit. What is it going to take to get you there? And then are you willing to do it? Because that's the thing, right?

Like for you with your C-suite, if you're just like, I want to run this company, Great. Now you've got the goal. You know what you want to do. How do you get that? Okay. Well, I need to fill this position. I need to work my way up the ladder. Okay, great. What skill sets are you going to build to work your way up the ladder?

Like for you with your C-suite, if you're just like, I want to run this company, Great. Now you've got the goal. You know what you want to do. How do you get that? Okay. Well, I need to fill this position. I need to work my way up the ladder. Okay, great. What skill sets are you going to build to work your way up the ladder?

Like for you with your C-suite, if you're just like, I want to run this company, Great. Now you've got the goal. You know what you want to do. How do you get that? Okay. Well, I need to fill this position. I need to work my way up the ladder. Okay, great. What skill sets are you going to build to work your way up the ladder?

Now, when you're in the process each year, you need to assess, are you having fun? Is it a life you still want? You have to replay the no bullshit. What would it take? Because now your goal still may be, I want to be to the top, but you know what? I actually really want to have a partner. And I've given up dating for four years. And the truth is, this may not be the life I want anymore.

Now, when you're in the process each year, you need to assess, are you having fun? Is it a life you still want? You have to replay the no bullshit. What would it take? Because now your goal still may be, I want to be to the top, but you know what? I actually really want to have a partner. And I've given up dating for four years. And the truth is, this may not be the life I want anymore.

Now, when you're in the process each year, you need to assess, are you having fun? Is it a life you still want? You have to replay the no bullshit. What would it take? Because now your goal still may be, I want to be to the top, but you know what? I actually really want to have a partner. And I've given up dating for four years. And the truth is, this may not be the life I want anymore.

I want to date. I want to go out there. Okay, so now maybe you've assessed your goal of running the company may not align with your day-to-day. And now you better reassess, does your goal still match the life you want? And I think that to your point of how do you make sure you're not wasting your years is the reassessment of is your goal still your goal?

I want to date. I want to go out there. Okay, so now maybe you've assessed your goal of running the company may not align with your day-to-day. And now you better reassess, does your goal still match the life you want? And I think that to your point of how do you make sure you're not wasting your years is the reassessment of is your goal still your goal?

I want to date. I want to go out there. Okay, so now maybe you've assessed your goal of running the company may not align with your day-to-day. And now you better reassess, does your goal still match the life you want? And I think that to your point of how do you make sure you're not wasting your years is the reassessment of is your goal still your goal?

And are your acts on a day to day filling your heart? Because if it's not, do you actually want to get to your goal in the first place?

And are your acts on a day to day filling your heart? Because if it's not, do you actually want to get to your goal in the first place?

And are your acts on a day to day filling your heart? Because if it's not, do you actually want to get to your goal in the first place?

what you're gonna hear start learning and growing inevitably something will happen no one succeeds alone you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it i'm on this journey with me

what you're gonna hear start learning and growing inevitably something will happen no one succeeds alone you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it i'm on this journey with me

what you're gonna hear start learning and growing inevitably something will happen no one succeeds alone you don't stop and look around once in a while you could miss it i'm on this journey with me

It's very comfortable to stay where you are. But the handcuffs is the thing that keeps you there that allows you to never leave.

It's very comfortable to stay where you are. But the handcuffs is the thing that keeps you there that allows you to never leave.

So if Quest doesn't work, my house goes away. In all honesty, how the hell do you have the audacity to think that you're going to be better than me when I've put in 10,000 hours and you haven't even put in one? You chose to Netflix and chill. But that's okay because it's your decision. Just don't trick yourself into saying it's not my decision. I wish, I wish, I wish. I love working.

So if Quest doesn't work, my house goes away. In all honesty, how the hell do you have the audacity to think that you're going to be better than me when I've put in 10,000 hours and you haven't even put in one? You chose to Netflix and chill. But that's okay because it's your decision. Just don't trick yourself into saying it's not my decision. I wish, I wish, I wish. I love working.

I love building these businesses with my husband. Why would I change that? Do I need to birth my own children to have a legacy? And the answer is no. i'm not telling people so that i can negotiate whether i'm going to have children or not and i've accepted the backlash that would come with it when i go to bed at the end of the day i can be at peace with the decision i've made because

I love building these businesses with my husband. Why would I change that? Do I need to birth my own children to have a legacy? And the answer is no. i'm not telling people so that i can negotiate whether i'm going to have children or not and i've accepted the backlash that would come with it when i go to bed at the end of the day i can be at peace with the decision i've made because

Yeah. So I was brought up Greek Orthodox and a big part of my upbringing was being taught that as a Greek woman, that my goal in life was to get married and have kids and be an amazing mother. And even when you're a kid and you have all these crazy dreams, I wanted to come to America, I wanted to win an Academy Award.

Yeah. So I was brought up Greek Orthodox and a big part of my upbringing was being taught that as a Greek woman, that my goal in life was to get married and have kids and be an amazing mother. And even when you're a kid and you have all these crazy dreams, I wanted to come to America, I wanted to win an Academy Award.

Over time, every single day, it becomes the dripping effect that ends up changing who you are. Now, I liken it to, have you ever seen a water drop on a stone? over time, it just starts to change its shape, right? You have this rock and the water drips and over time it ends up molding. I think of that as your belief system. So you have a belief system.

Over time, every single day, it becomes the dripping effect that ends up changing who you are. Now, I liken it to, have you ever seen a water drop on a stone? over time, it just starts to change its shape, right? You have this rock and the water drips and over time it ends up molding. I think of that as your belief system. So you have a belief system.

Each day, that drip of water is draining on you. And then over time, you end up doing something or being something that you'd never dreamt of. That was exactly what happened to me. I grew up with orthodoxy. I end up in America, married to a man of my dreams, having these big audacious dreams.

Each day, that drip of water is draining on you. And then over time, you end up doing something or being something that you'd never dreamt of. That was exactly what happened to me. I grew up with orthodoxy. I end up in America, married to a man of my dreams, having these big audacious dreams.

But how on earth did I end up for eight years being a stay-at-home wife, taking care of my husband, which was the thing that I didn't want to do? It's not that it's bad. There's anything wrong with being a stay-at-home wife. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it wasn't what I wanted. And I asked myself, how the hell

But how on earth did I end up for eight years being a stay-at-home wife, taking care of my husband, which was the thing that I didn't want to do? It's not that it's bad. There's anything wrong with being a stay-at-home wife. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it wasn't what I wanted. And I asked myself, how the hell

if I had such big dreams and I went to college and I knew what I wanted in life how the hell do I end up doing something for eight years that I despise and when I look back it is absolutely the drip that ended up happening on the rock that became who I was so my dad tells me every single day that I'm going to be a great Greek wife my grandmother tells me if I'm running on the streets and I fall

if I had such big dreams and I went to college and I knew what I wanted in life how the hell do I end up doing something for eight years that I despise and when I look back it is absolutely the drip that ended up happening on the rock that became who I was so my dad tells me every single day that I'm going to be a great Greek wife my grandmother tells me if I'm running on the streets and I fall

She literally, the message she would tell me is she would pick me up off the floor, wipe off the blood and say, oh, it's okay, you're going to be fine by the time you get married. The messaging that that's doing, right, this Greek woman to this little susceptible Lisa that's telling me that don't worry, no matter what bad things happen in your life, the goal is to get married.

She literally, the message she would tell me is she would pick me up off the floor, wipe off the blood and say, oh, it's okay, you're going to be fine by the time you get married. The messaging that that's doing, right, this Greek woman to this little susceptible Lisa that's telling me that don't worry, no matter what bad things happen in your life, the goal is to get married.

Once you get married, life will be fine. So there's no surprise that I ended up living a life that didn't serve me, living a life that wasn't mine, but living a life that absolutely was the path that my parents created. Now, the question is, how the hell do you get out of that? Most people end up living their lives in that space.

Once you get married, life will be fine. So there's no surprise that I ended up living a life that didn't serve me, living a life that wasn't mine, but living a life that absolutely was the path that my parents created. Now, the question is, how the hell do you get out of that? Most people end up living their lives in that space.

Most people end up living their lives for the greater good of other people, especially once you've started. Once you're in it, you're like, well, I can't upset so-and-so. I can't say this. I can't change my mind. I can't let this person down. I can't, I can't, I can't. That's one part. The other part is you put off your own dreams because you're living in service of other people.

Most people end up living their lives for the greater good of other people, especially once you've started. Once you're in it, you're like, well, I can't upset so-and-so. I can't say this. I can't change my mind. I can't let this person down. I can't, I can't, I can't. That's one part. The other part is you put off your own dreams because you're living in service of other people.

So what you end up doing is you say, I will do that when? I will go for my dream once my husband is happy. I will go for that dream job once my kids are in college. I will fill in the blank, do that when something else happens. Now, what you're doing is you're using an excuse, but that excuse feels real. And that's where it gets complicated.

So what you end up doing is you say, I will do that when? I will go for my dream once my husband is happy. I will go for that dream job once my kids are in college. I will fill in the blank, do that when something else happens. Now, what you're doing is you're using an excuse, but that excuse feels real. And that's where it gets complicated.

Because in those moments where you're self-soothing yourself and you're telling yourself, don't worry, you're doing it for the greater good. That can be wonderful, right? You're doing it for your kids. That's a beautiful feeling. You're doing this for the family. That's a beautiful feeling. The problem is, is that the excuse ends up getting in the way of you actually living out your dream.

Because in those moments where you're self-soothing yourself and you're telling yourself, don't worry, you're doing it for the greater good. That can be wonderful, right? You're doing it for your kids. That's a beautiful feeling. You're doing this for the family. That's a beautiful feeling. The problem is, is that the excuse ends up getting in the way of you actually living out your dream.

And I ask anyone listening right now, if you want to get shaken awake, ask yourself this question. What if the when never happens? So if you say, I'm going to do this when my husband is happy, what if he's never happy? I'm going to do this when I've got enough money in the bank. What if you never have enough money in the bank? What if that when never happens?

And I ask anyone listening right now, if you want to get shaken awake, ask yourself this question. What if the when never happens? So if you say, I'm going to do this when my husband is happy, what if he's never happy? I'm going to do this when I've got enough money in the bank. What if you never have enough money in the bank? What if that when never happens?

Are you okay with living in the means of where you are now? Are you happy doing that job? Are you happy doing that activity? Are you happy or are you just putting off your dream? Because you think eventually one day that excuse will go away, which spoiler alert, it never will.

Are you okay with living in the means of where you are now? Are you happy doing that job? Are you happy doing that activity? Are you happy or are you just putting off your dream? Because you think eventually one day that excuse will go away, which spoiler alert, it never will.

Yeah, I mean, I think it came from the idea of being a people pleaser, making everybody else happy. That's number one. Number two, I think it came from using gratitude as a piece to get through. And then what I realized over time is that gratitude of being grateful that I've got a husband that loves me. I'm grateful that I've got a roof over my head.

Yeah, I mean, I think it came from the idea of being a people pleaser, making everybody else happy. That's number one. Number two, I think it came from using gratitude as a piece to get through. And then what I realized over time is that gratitude of being grateful that I've got a husband that loves me. I'm grateful that I've got a roof over my head.

All these things that I was grateful for, I had to recognize, turned into toxic gratitude. And what that meant was the thing that helped me in the first year or two, like, all right, you're a housewife, you're not quite happy, but you know, I'm really grateful that I have a husband that loves me, right? That feels good.

All these things that I was grateful for, I had to recognize, turned into toxic gratitude. And what that meant was the thing that helped me in the first year or two, like, all right, you're a housewife, you're not quite happy, but you know, I'm really grateful that I have a husband that loves me, right? That feels good.

That second year, the third year, the fourth year, when you get to like year six, where you're using that same gratitude piece, it starts to become toxic. So now imagine my dreams and my desires are getting louder inside my head. They start off like a whisper, like, are you happy? And then they start getting louder and louder and louder.

That second year, the third year, the fourth year, when you get to like year six, where you're using that same gratitude piece, it starts to become toxic. So now imagine my dreams and my desires are getting louder inside my head. They start off like a whisper, like, are you happy? And then they start getting louder and louder and louder.

As that voice starts getting louder and louder, I ask myself, okay, is this gratitude that is making me feel better? Actually, it's the thing now that's holding me down. So when that voice gets louder, like, Lisa, you're not happy. That gratitude turns into, well, how ungratefully you... after year seven, after year eight. You want another life?

As that voice starts getting louder and louder, I ask myself, okay, is this gratitude that is making me feel better? Actually, it's the thing now that's holding me down. So when that voice gets louder, like, Lisa, you're not happy. That gratitude turns into, well, how ungratefully you... after year seven, after year eight. You want another life?

You want to go out and work when other women don't even have to work and you don't have to? How ungrateful are you? And what I realized was that gratitude piece was now actually keeping me stuck. It was creating the guilt and the shame for me to even want to speak up. So that's a big piece. I had to address the gratitude.

You want to go out and work when other women don't even have to work and you don't have to? How ungrateful are you? And what I realized was that gratitude piece was now actually keeping me stuck. It was creating the guilt and the shame for me to even want to speak up. So that's a big piece. I had to address the gratitude.

The second big, big piece that I don't think we talk about enough is the validation we get from people pleasing. It's easy to blame other people. I people please because I was brought up to do it. But the truth is, I feel good about people pleasing. Let's just take the extreme, Mother Teresa. She helped so many people. Are you telling me now Mother Teresa didn't get validation from helping people?

The second big, big piece that I don't think we talk about enough is the validation we get from people pleasing. It's easy to blame other people. I people please because I was brought up to do it. But the truth is, I feel good about people pleasing. Let's just take the extreme, Mother Teresa. She helped so many people. Are you telling me now Mother Teresa didn't get validation from helping people?

Of course she did. If she didn't get validation, she wouldn't have done it. So I go, okay, I'm getting validation from being the good Greek wife. I'm getting actual validation from being the woman that's willing to do the hard thing for her husband. And I'm scared to let go. And so what I call this in my book is the velvet handcuffs. It's going back to your comfortability of what you said before.

Of course she did. If she didn't get validation, she wouldn't have done it. So I go, okay, I'm getting validation from being the good Greek wife. I'm getting actual validation from being the woman that's willing to do the hard thing for her husband. And I'm scared to let go. And so what I call this in my book is the velvet handcuffs. It's going back to your comfortability of what you said before.

It's very comfortable to stay where you are. That's the velvet. That's the velvet around your wrist. It's like it's comfortable. It's soft. It feels familiar. But the handcuffs is the thing that keeps you there that allows you to never leave. So when I think about the reason why I didn't change and why I spent eight years, eight years, look at a human. Go from a baby to eight years old.

It's very comfortable to stay where you are. That's the velvet. That's the velvet around your wrist. It's like it's comfortable. It's soft. It feels familiar. But the handcuffs is the thing that keeps you there that allows you to never leave. So when I think about the reason why I didn't change and why I spent eight years, eight years, look at a human. Go from a baby to eight years old.

That's a long time. How on earth did I not speak up for eight years? It's because I was so afraid and I was so insecure about getting my validation from somewhere that I was afraid to let go of the one thing that I knew people were priding me on. And that was being a good Greek wife. So what I had to acknowledge in that moment is that the people pleasing was on me. It wasn't on anybody else.

That's a long time. How on earth did I not speak up for eight years? It's because I was so afraid and I was so insecure about getting my validation from somewhere that I was afraid to let go of the one thing that I knew people were priding me on. And that was being a good Greek wife. So what I had to acknowledge in that moment is that the people pleasing was on me. It wasn't on anybody else.

And it was on me to find a different place of where I could get the validation from so I no longer sought it out from somewhere that actually made me unhappy. Once I then addressed that, I put an action plan in to take the leap and make a different change in my life.

And it was on me to find a different place of where I could get the validation from so I no longer sought it out from somewhere that actually made me unhappy. Once I then addressed that, I put an action plan in to take the leap and make a different change in my life.

I think I'm very goal oriented and I get out of my own way. And what I mean by that is if I feel insecure about something, if I'm an emotional about something, if that doesn't serve my goal, I just tell myself that I cannot use that to influence how I show up. So let's take a real world example. Quest has grown at 57,000%.

I think I'm very goal oriented and I get out of my own way. And what I mean by that is if I feel insecure about something, if I'm an emotional about something, if that doesn't serve my goal, I just tell myself that I cannot use that to influence how I show up. So let's take a real world example. Quest has grown at 57,000%.

So that takes you from, in three years, you go to the second fastest growing company in North America. In five years, we go from zero to a billion dollar company. So that's how fast we were growing. Now, remember, I've just said that I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years. So I was a boss of two dogs. That was it. That was my experience. Two little chihuahuas.

So that takes you from, in three years, you go to the second fastest growing company in North America. In five years, we go from zero to a billion dollar company. So that's how fast we were growing. Now, remember, I've just said that I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years. So I was a boss of two dogs. That was it. That was my experience. Two little chihuahuas.

So now we grow so rapidly, we start to build our manufacturing. And because I was the one that was shipping bars from my living room floor, I was just walking to the post office, mailing one box here and there. When you're grown at 57,000%, what that looks like is one day you're shipping from your living room floor, a couple of bars. And then within two years, I've got 10,000 square feet.

So now we grow so rapidly, we start to build our manufacturing. And because I was the one that was shipping bars from my living room floor, I was just walking to the post office, mailing one box here and there. When you're grown at 57,000%, what that looks like is one day you're shipping from your living room floor, a couple of bars. And then within two years, I've got 10,000 square feet.

I've got 40 employees working just in my department alone. And half of those employees have criminal records. an ex-convict. Now we started our business in Compton and my husband used to work in the inner cities and big brother. And one of the things that we always said is we don't care where you come from. You may be have made mistakes in your past.

I've got 40 employees working just in my department alone. And half of those employees have criminal records. an ex-convict. Now we started our business in Compton and my husband used to work in the inner cities and big brother. And one of the things that we always said is we don't care where you come from. You may be have made mistakes in your past.

What we actually care about is who do you want to be? And are you willing to show up today and fight to be that person? That's what I care about. If you've robbed a car in your teenage years because you had bad guidance, that in and of itself shouldn't be punishment for the rest of your life. So Tom and I really did open up the doors to say, who wants to come in? Now, look, it's a beautiful idea.

What we actually care about is who do you want to be? And are you willing to show up today and fight to be that person? That's what I care about. If you've robbed a car in your teenage years because you had bad guidance, that in and of itself shouldn't be punishment for the rest of your life. So Tom and I really did open up the doors to say, who wants to come in? Now, look, it's a beautiful idea.

But when it comes to reality, you have a five foot one British chick trying to command respect with some guys who are six foot five, ex-convicts with tats all around their neck and a teardrop on their cheek. Now, if no one knows what a teardrop on the cheek means, go just search it on Google. I would just leave it at that. It means that you have paid your dues in a very heinous way.

But when it comes to reality, you have a five foot one British chick trying to command respect with some guys who are six foot five, ex-convicts with tats all around their neck and a teardrop on their cheek. Now, if no one knows what a teardrop on the cheek means, go just search it on Google. I would just leave it at that. It means that you have paid your dues in a very heinous way.

Now, when I say that, you can imagine the imposter syndrome. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. So here I am trying to take the leap from being a housewife to an entrepreneur, but I didn't know what I was doing. Now, there was a couple of elements here that I'd like to break down of how I just kept going.

Now, when I say that, you can imagine the imposter syndrome. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. So here I am trying to take the leap from being a housewife to an entrepreneur, but I didn't know what I was doing. Now, there was a couple of elements here that I'd like to break down of how I just kept going.

Number one was back in the day, before we started Quest, fear was the thing that stopped me from taking action. I don't want my husband to judge me that I don't want to take care of his clothes or his food anymore, so I'm not going to speak out loud that I'm unhappy. That's fear preventing you from taking action. When we started Quest, we put our house up for collateral.

Number one was back in the day, before we started Quest, fear was the thing that stopped me from taking action. I don't want my husband to judge me that I don't want to take care of his clothes or his food anymore, so I'm not going to speak out loud that I'm unhappy. That's fear preventing you from taking action. When we started Quest, we put our house up for collateral.

So if Quest doesn't work, my house goes away. So that fear that once upon a time would hold me back from taking action actually propelled me forward to take action. So every moment that I found myself not knowing what I was doing, I said to myself, Lisa, you have a choice. You can do what you used to do, which was run and hide, or you can save your house. Which one do you want?

So if Quest doesn't work, my house goes away. So that fear that once upon a time would hold me back from taking action actually propelled me forward to take action. So every moment that I found myself not knowing what I was doing, I said to myself, Lisa, you have a choice. You can do what you used to do, which was run and hide, or you can save your house. Which one do you want?

And every time the fear of losing my house came into effect, I said, well, you better figure it out. So that became the motto I would use that you've got to better figure it out. Now, there's multiple ways to figure it out. The problem is if you just blindly listen to somebody, you're going to find yourself not succeeding.

And every time the fear of losing my house came into effect, I said, well, you better figure it out. So that became the motto I would use that you've got to better figure it out. Now, there's multiple ways to figure it out. The problem is if you just blindly listen to somebody, you're going to find yourself not succeeding.

Even if you're listening to this podcast right now, you'd be like, all right, Lisa said to do this. I did this and it didn't work. Well, I guess I'm no good. No, you have to find out the thing that actually works for you, which means you have to try a bunch of stuff. You may have to try 50 things to find that one thing that actually serves you and your goal. And I'm speaking from experience.

Even if you're listening to this podcast right now, you'd be like, all right, Lisa said to do this. I did this and it didn't work. Well, I guess I'm no good. No, you have to find out the thing that actually works for you, which means you have to try a bunch of stuff. You may have to try 50 things to find that one thing that actually serves you and your goal. And I'm speaking from experience.

So I started trying to figure out how do I get these ex-convicts, these really big dudes, how do I command respect with them? So I went in reading all the books. I read the Sheryl Sandberg book, Lean In. I read all the leadership books. And I went in trying to be like Sheryl Sandberg. And I was like, all right, well, Sheryl said to do this. So this is what I'm going to do.

So I started trying to figure out how do I get these ex-convicts, these really big dudes, how do I command respect with them? So I went in reading all the books. I read the Sheryl Sandberg book, Lean In. I read all the leadership books. And I went in trying to be like Sheryl Sandberg. And I was like, all right, well, Sheryl said to do this. So this is what I'm going to do.

Didn't work at all, Ilana. What a surprise, right? You're dealing with different people in a corporate world with people that come from, let's say college, is very different than working in manufacturing and talking to a human that doesn't care about your degree. They just care about your interaction with them. So I tried a bunch of things, nothing worked.

Didn't work at all, Ilana. What a surprise, right? You're dealing with different people in a corporate world with people that come from, let's say college, is very different than working in manufacturing and talking to a human that doesn't care about your degree. They just care about your interaction with them. So I tried a bunch of things, nothing worked.

So eventually I just said, okay, I know I still have to reach a goal. I have to command respect with the team. Otherwise I'm never going to succeed. We're not gonna be able to ship these bars out in time. So I said, what do I know? Forget about all the lessons that I'm reading. What's in my heart? And in my heart was they were guys who loved hip hop. I'm a freaking hip hop fan.

So eventually I just said, okay, I know I still have to reach a goal. I have to command respect with the team. Otherwise I'm never going to succeed. We're not gonna be able to ship these bars out in time. So I said, what do I know? Forget about all the lessons that I'm reading. What's in my heart? And in my heart was they were guys who loved hip hop. I'm a freaking hip hop fan.

I grew up in the 90s. I wasn't listening to pop music. I was listening to Tupac, Biggie. I wanted to be a rapper. If I really could in another life, Ilana, I would be a rapper. So in saying that, I was like, hang on, this is something that's really genuine. I freaking love Tupac so much that I know half of his music. I probably know 90% of the lyrics because I've learned them so much.

I grew up in the 90s. I wasn't listening to pop music. I was listening to Tupac, Biggie. I wanted to be a rapper. If I really could in another life, Ilana, I would be a rapper. So in saying that, I was like, hang on, this is something that's really genuine. I freaking love Tupac so much that I know half of his music. I probably know 90% of the lyrics because I've learned them so much.

So I was like, I love freaking rap music. These guys like rap music. On a busy day, instead of cracking the whip, if you will, and just yelling and being like, work harder, work more. I'm just going to connect with them. And so I went out to the store. I bought these big speakers. I put them in our shipping facility.

So I was like, I love freaking rap music. These guys like rap music. On a busy day, instead of cracking the whip, if you will, and just yelling and being like, work harder, work more. I'm just going to connect with them. And so I went out to the store. I bought these big speakers. I put them in our shipping facility.

And every time we had these big orders and we were on a clock because you've got these big trucks coming to pick up the orders, I would blast the music and I'd be like, all right, guys, who can rap faster than me? Now, what I would do is when I would use rap as the analogy, right, because we would have to wrap pallets with plastic and

And every time we had these big orders and we were on a clock because you've got these big trucks coming to pick up the orders, I would blast the music and I'd be like, all right, guys, who can rap faster than me? Now, what I would do is when I would use rap as the analogy, right, because we would have to wrap pallets with plastic and

Now, what they don't realize is by the time I hired them, what they didn't realize is that I used to do their job. So they saw me as this woman that's working in the office that doesn't have any idea about what they're doing. And what I realized was I needed to show them that I knew what it was like. I needed to show them that I knew how hard you had to work in this department.

Now, what they don't realize is by the time I hired them, what they didn't realize is that I used to do their job. So they saw me as this woman that's working in the office that doesn't have any idea about what they're doing. And what I realized was I needed to show them that I knew what it was like. I needed to show them that I knew how hard you had to work in this department.

And I had to make it fun. No one wants to just work hard. So I would do these competitions. And with Blast Tupac, I would have these rapping competitions where I would make people try to see who could beat me with rapping these big palettes. And I'm quite speedy. So like we would rap while rapping to Tupac. So you're doing the double entendre, right? You're rapping and you're rapping.

And I had to make it fun. No one wants to just work hard. So I would do these competitions. And with Blast Tupac, I would have these rapping competitions where I would make people try to see who could beat me with rapping these big palettes. And I'm quite speedy. So like we would rap while rapping to Tupac. So you're doing the double entendre, right? You're rapping and you're rapping.

And at the end, if someone beat me, I would give them free quest bars. Now, what that did, multiple things. That number one showed the team that nothing was ever beneath me. I was willing to do exactly what they were willing to do. It showed them that I wasn't stuffy, that I actually had something in common with them.

And at the end, if someone beat me, I would give them free quest bars. Now, what that did, multiple things. That number one showed the team that nothing was ever beneath me. I was willing to do exactly what they were willing to do. It showed them that I wasn't stuffy, that I actually had something in common with them.

And that was the fact that we appreciated rap music for the lyrics, the meaning behind it, et cetera. And it showed them that I was willing to be a teammate, that when things get hard, I was willing absolutely to roll up my sleeves and jump in with them. Now, over time, That absolutely commanded respect.

And that was the fact that we appreciated rap music for the lyrics, the meaning behind it, et cetera. And it showed them that I was willing to be a teammate, that when things get hard, I was willing absolutely to roll up my sleeves and jump in with them. Now, over time, That absolutely commanded respect.

That wasn't something I learned in a book and that wasn't something that anyone could teach me. It was just me stabbing in the dark, trying a bunch of things and then realizing the thing that worked for me and connected me to my team.

That wasn't something I learned in a book and that wasn't something that anyone could teach me. It was just me stabbing in the dark, trying a bunch of things and then realizing the thing that worked for me and connected me to my team.

Now, I know that was a really long story, but I take that and I echo that type of thing in everything I do, whether that's building my YouTube channel, whether that's building impact theory, that idea of as a leader, you need to show by example, you need to be a part of it, people need to have fun. And now I use laughter as a metric in my company to know how my team is emotionally.

Now, I know that was a really long story, but I take that and I echo that type of thing in everything I do, whether that's building my YouTube channel, whether that's building impact theory, that idea of as a leader, you need to show by example, you need to be a part of it, people need to have fun. And now I use laughter as a metric in my company to know how my team is emotionally.

So that's really a big lesson that I learned in that whole scenario.

So that's really a big lesson that I learned in that whole scenario.

And that EQ that you mentioned is really coming from the fact that I had terrible EQ is how I used to see it. I would take everything personally. Everything was emotional and everything was based on emotion. Well, I feel this, so it must be true.

And that EQ that you mentioned is really coming from the fact that I had terrible EQ is how I used to see it. I would take everything personally. Everything was emotional and everything was based on emotion. Well, I feel this, so it must be true.

And what I realized is every time I match my feelings and emotions to the goals I'm trying to get to, I realized that a lot of the time my emotions were actually getting in the way. because I would take things personally. And that's where I started to go, okay, this doesn't serve me.

And what I realized is every time I match my feelings and emotions to the goals I'm trying to get to, I realized that a lot of the time my emotions were actually getting in the way. because I would take things personally. And that's where I started to go, okay, this doesn't serve me.

And what I understand about emotions is the fact that if I don't eat for, let's say, 10 hours, I know I'm gonna get moody. I'm gonna get agitated. If we all know as humans, we all act like that, Why do we not think that emotions are going to be driven by multiple sources? So when I get overwhelmed or let's say I make a decision from an emotional standpoint, well, what if I'm tired?

And what I understand about emotions is the fact that if I don't eat for, let's say, 10 hours, I know I'm gonna get moody. I'm gonna get agitated. If we all know as humans, we all act like that, Why do we not think that emotions are going to be driven by multiple sources? So when I get overwhelmed or let's say I make a decision from an emotional standpoint, well, what if I'm tired?

What if I have eaten sugar that day? What if I just had an argument with my husband? Do I think that that decision is going to be done with clarity? No. All the things that I've just gone through are going to fog my decision making. And I just call myself on that.

What if I have eaten sugar that day? What if I just had an argument with my husband? Do I think that that decision is going to be done with clarity? No. All the things that I've just gone through are going to fog my decision making. And I just call myself on that.

Instead of trying to hide it, instead of trying to be embarrassed by it, I just say, right now, I'm really irritable, so I can't make any decisions. I need to go and eat. I need to sleep. I need my nine hours. What are the things that are going to allow me to have what I call emotional sobriety? And emotional sobriety is when you are not allowing your emotions to make a decision.

Instead of trying to hide it, instead of trying to be embarrassed by it, I just say, right now, I'm really irritable, so I can't make any decisions. I need to go and eat. I need to sleep. I need my nine hours. What are the things that are going to allow me to have what I call emotional sobriety? And emotional sobriety is when you are not allowing your emotions to make a decision.

Now, it's not that I don't think emotions are important. I actually think emotions are very important because they're going to be signals to tell you something that you may be ignoring. If you're irritable, okay, well, what are you ignoring? Don't ignore the feeling. Actually address, why am I feeling like that? The problem is, I think, then people, they don't do that work.

Now, it's not that I don't think emotions are important. I actually think emotions are very important because they're going to be signals to tell you something that you may be ignoring. If you're irritable, okay, well, what are you ignoring? Don't ignore the feeling. Actually address, why am I feeling like that? The problem is, I think, then people, they don't do that work.

And so they take their feelings as facts. And I'm very aware that my feelings are not facts. So now when I approach a situation, I address why I'm feeling a certain way, but I then try to see the scenario for what it is instead of how I feel. And if people still aren't with me, here's the perfect analogy. Have you drunk an alcohol before, Ilana? Of course. Okay.

And so they take their feelings as facts. And I'm very aware that my feelings are not facts. So now when I approach a situation, I address why I'm feeling a certain way, but I then try to see the scenario for what it is instead of how I feel. And if people still aren't with me, here's the perfect analogy. Have you drunk an alcohol before, Ilana? Of course. Okay.

So what do you like if you had one shot of vodka?

So what do you like if you had one shot of vodka?

Okay, there you go. So what I was going to say is the shot number one, I get giggly. Shot number two, I'm very loud. Shot number three, I'm dancing on the table and kissing the security on the way out of the club. I just know that with every shot of vodka, I am going to have a response that in a way that doesn't actually align with who I really am.

Okay, there you go. So what I was going to say is the shot number one, I get giggly. Shot number two, I'm very loud. Shot number three, I'm dancing on the table and kissing the security on the way out of the club. I just know that with every shot of vodka, I am going to have a response that in a way that doesn't actually align with who I really am.

If we can all agree there, then why can we not just say the same as for emotions? If you have a shot of frustration, if you have a shot of anger, if you have a shot of upset or a shot of disrespect, if you have too many shots of that, what's going to happen? You're going to respond in a way that isn't accurate to who you really are. If we can just agree I just then say, when have I had my shots?

If we can all agree there, then why can we not just say the same as for emotions? If you have a shot of frustration, if you have a shot of anger, if you have a shot of upset or a shot of disrespect, if you have too many shots of that, what's going to happen? You're going to respond in a way that isn't accurate to who you really are. If we can just agree I just then say, when have I had my shots?

And if I've already had my one shot of anger, then you can't make business decisions. If I've had two shots, I better freaking walk away. I don't beat myself up over feeling it and I don't pretend it doesn't exist. In knowing all of that, now I know in moments where I'm bringing emotion to the table and I can't have this discussion. In fact, this just happened like a week ago with my husband.

And if I've already had my one shot of anger, then you can't make business decisions. If I've had two shots, I better freaking walk away. I don't beat myself up over feeling it and I don't pretend it doesn't exist. In knowing all of that, now I know in moments where I'm bringing emotion to the table and I can't have this discussion. In fact, this just happened like a week ago with my husband.

He said something that triggered me. I realized I was triggered. And I said, look, I know you didn't mean to trigger me right now. I'm having an emotional response. I don't think it's healthy if we keep talking. Let me walk away and I'll come back once I'm emotionally sober. And I actually said those words. It's not like I pretended to say those words. I actually said those words.

He said something that triggered me. I realized I was triggered. And I said, look, I know you didn't mean to trigger me right now. I'm having an emotional response. I don't think it's healthy if we keep talking. Let me walk away and I'll come back once I'm emotionally sober. And I actually said those words. It's not like I pretended to say those words. I actually said those words.

And what my husband did, he was like, all right, thank you for being honest. Thank you for just not storming off, being moody, pretending like a lot of us do. Like, no, I'm not upset. What do you mean? Right? It's like, everyone can tell that you're upset. So

And what my husband did, he was like, all right, thank you for being honest. Thank you for just not storming off, being moody, pretending like a lot of us do. Like, no, I'm not upset. What do you mean? Right? It's like, everyone can tell that you're upset. So

That is how I handle emotions in moments where I don't feel good enough, emotional moments where I don't feel like I can really bring my all. I just admit it. I know what to do about it. And then I'm always acting in accordance. And the last piece that I want to make sure everyone hears, I do all of this without shame and guilt.

That is how I handle emotions in moments where I don't feel good enough, emotional moments where I don't feel like I can really bring my all. I just admit it. I know what to do about it. And then I'm always acting in accordance. And the last piece that I want to make sure everyone hears, I do all of this without shame and guilt.

Yeah. So here's the thing about this. There's going to be two things. There's going to be one thing where people are going to throw hate and it's really not going to bother you. Probably the reason why it won't bother you is because you don't feel it. It's not true to you. So if someone says, oh my God, Lisa, I hate that you're five foot one. It's all right. I hate that I'm 5'1".

Yeah. So here's the thing about this. There's going to be two things. There's going to be one thing where people are going to throw hate and it's really not going to bother you. Probably the reason why it won't bother you is because you don't feel it. It's not true to you. So if someone says, oh my God, Lisa, I hate that you're five foot one. It's all right. I hate that I'm 5'1".

I can't do anything about that. I just brush it off. But if someone says, you're so ugly, that hurts and stings in a very different way. Why? Because I've never beaten myself up or felt badly about being short. I very much beaten myself up and felt badly about myself, about my looks. So

I can't do anything about that. I just brush it off. But if someone says, you're so ugly, that hurts and stings in a very different way. Why? Because I've never beaten myself up or felt badly about being short. I very much beaten myself up and felt badly about myself, about my looks. So

When someone comes at you, when it's something that doesn't trigger you, you're going to let it roll off your back. You're not going to think about it. The ones that really do hurt are the ones that actually hit home. And now you have to ask yourself, what are you going to do about it? So there's a couple of things that I did.

When someone comes at you, when it's something that doesn't trigger you, you're going to let it roll off your back. You're not going to think about it. The ones that really do hurt are the ones that actually hit home. And now you have to ask yourself, what are you going to do about it? So there's a couple of things that I did.

So to get started, because that's always the hard thing, how do I actually get started? So Imagine I get bullied for my looks. I get teased. I get called big nose, all of the things. I used to have a unibrow. I never had a boyfriend. If you were the Disney character, right, and you're going to write the most ugly young girl, that was how I felt. So you take that.

So to get started, because that's always the hard thing, how do I actually get started? So Imagine I get bullied for my looks. I get teased. I get called big nose, all of the things. I used to have a unibrow. I never had a boyfriend. If you were the Disney character, right, and you're going to write the most ugly young girl, that was how I felt. So you take that.

Thank you. That's very kind. But look, everyone has a belief system, right? And when you're told over and over and over and over the same thing and it becomes a wound, you really do believe it. So here I am as an adult, not feeling good, not feeling like I'm pretty or anything like that. And so I really wanted to start a podcast because I really wanted to help women.

Thank you. That's very kind. But look, everyone has a belief system, right? And when you're told over and over and over and over the same thing and it becomes a wound, you really do believe it. So here I am as an adult, not feeling good, not feeling like I'm pretty or anything like that. And so I really wanted to start a podcast because I really wanted to help women.

So I go to start the podcast and I say to my husband, I'm just going to do it on Zoom. I'm going to do it with my friends and I'm just going to do it on Zoom and it's just going to be audio only. Now, my husband, being the person that says we promised we would be with each other, is he called me on my own BS, basically. And he said, hang on a minute. We have a set. We have six cameras.

So I go to start the podcast and I say to my husband, I'm just going to do it on Zoom. I'm going to do it with my friends and I'm just going to do it on Zoom and it's just going to be audio only. Now, my husband, being the person that says we promised we would be with each other, is he called me on my own BS, basically. And he said, hang on a minute. We have a set. We have six cameras.

And we have an entire team that can film this for you. Why on earth would you not get in front of the camera? Now, in that moment, I realized the truth was it was a conflict between my mission and my ego. And I had to be honest about it because my mission is to help women. Do I think that if I could go video and audio, that I'm going to reach more women than just audio? The answer is yes.

And we have an entire team that can film this for you. Why on earth would you not get in front of the camera? Now, in that moment, I realized the truth was it was a conflict between my mission and my ego. And I had to be honest about it because my mission is to help women. Do I think that if I could go video and audio, that I'm going to reach more women than just audio? The answer is yes.

Okay, if I know that is true, why do I not want to get on camera? It's my ego. I don't want to be bullied. I don't want to be made fun of. I don't know if I can cope. I don't know if I can handle it, right? All the things that are going through my head. As soon as I just put them out, the reality of what is more important, Lisa, your mission or your ego, then there was nowhere to hide.

Okay, if I know that is true, why do I not want to get on camera? It's my ego. I don't want to be bullied. I don't want to be made fun of. I don't know if I can cope. I don't know if I can handle it, right? All the things that are going through my head. As soon as I just put them out, the reality of what is more important, Lisa, your mission or your ego, then there was nowhere to hide.

Now, I like to do that. I like to not hide anywhere because that's where the reality always comes through. So once I realized that I had to make a decision, I let go of any judgment. That's the second piece. is that if I chose ego, no one's got a right to say that's right or wrong. I have to do what is right for me.

Now, I like to do that. I like to not hide anywhere because that's where the reality always comes through. So once I realized that I had to make a decision, I let go of any judgment. That's the second piece. is that if I chose ego, no one's got a right to say that's right or wrong. I have to do what is right for me.

I have to do what makes me feel good when I go to bed at night because no one's around except for me and my thoughts. So if I can't be proud of myself, it doesn't matter what other people think. So just remember, guys, when you're asking yourself these questions, what's more important, it doesn't matter what other people think.

I have to do what makes me feel good when I go to bed at night because no one's around except for me and my thoughts. So if I can't be proud of myself, it doesn't matter what other people think. So just remember, guys, when you're asking yourself these questions, what's more important, it doesn't matter what other people think.

What actually matters is what you think because it's not like it's wrong. for me to choose my ego. It's not wrong. Wrong according to who? So once I was allowed to remove the judgment of it as well, and I was like, oh, which one is actually the thing that you're going to be proud of when you go to bed at night? And I knew. It had to be getting in front of the camera.

What actually matters is what you think because it's not like it's wrong. for me to choose my ego. It's not wrong. Wrong according to who? So once I was allowed to remove the judgment of it as well, and I was like, oh, which one is actually the thing that you're going to be proud of when you go to bed at night? And I knew. It had to be getting in front of the camera.

It had to be my mission was more important. And so now that just gave me the decision making. The decision was, I now have to get in front of the camera. That doesn't eliminate the fear. It doesn't eliminate the ego taking a dent. Like it doesn't eliminate any of that. But it allowed me to just make the decision. And now I wasn't second guessing myself.

It had to be my mission was more important. And so now that just gave me the decision making. The decision was, I now have to get in front of the camera. That doesn't eliminate the fear. It doesn't eliminate the ego taking a dent. Like it doesn't eliminate any of that. But it allowed me to just make the decision. And now I wasn't second guessing myself.

And then that piece then allowed me to start moving forward and get in front of the camera. And that was how I ended up taking the leap is I had zero confidence. I didn't know what I was doing. It wasn't like I thought it was going to work. It wasn't like I had confidence in myself to be a big YouTube channel or anything like that.

And then that piece then allowed me to start moving forward and get in front of the camera. And that was how I ended up taking the leap is I had zero confidence. I didn't know what I was doing. It wasn't like I thought it was going to work. It wasn't like I had confidence in myself to be a big YouTube channel or anything like that.

It was just I had to stare nakedly at the decisions I was making, take the freaking blinders off and be confident, at least in the decision I was making. Not confident that one's going to succeed or one's a better option. Just confident in the decision I was making for myself and blocking out all the noise and blocking out what other people thought. So now you can imagine I'm on camera.

It was just I had to stare nakedly at the decisions I was making, take the freaking blinders off and be confident, at least in the decision I was making. Not confident that one's going to succeed or one's a better option. Just confident in the decision I was making for myself and blocking out all the noise and blocking out what other people thought. So now you can imagine I'm on camera.

I see these hate comments in my YouTube channel. Because I've so tied myself to why I get on camera in the first place, you can imagine now when someone throws hate at me, I say, does this matter more than you helping women? Does this bad comment matter more than your mission? And every single time I ask myself the question, I'm like, no, this freaking comment doesn't matter.

I see these hate comments in my YouTube channel. Because I've so tied myself to why I get on camera in the first place, you can imagine now when someone throws hate at me, I say, does this matter more than you helping women? Does this bad comment matter more than your mission? And every single time I ask myself the question, I'm like, no, this freaking comment doesn't matter.

So that's the first step. Now, the second step is what do you do to respond? Do you ignore it or do you respond to it? I happen to have a massive empathy in my body. I don't know where it comes from, but every time I see hate, I'm like, wow, what's happened to that person where they're so cruel towards me and they don't know me?

So that's the first step. Now, the second step is what do you do to respond? Do you ignore it or do you respond to it? I happen to have a massive empathy in my body. I don't know where it comes from, but every time I see hate, I'm like, wow, what's happened to that person where they're so cruel towards me and they don't know me?

So then it comes the empathy piece where I'm like, wow, how much hate have they had to get in their life to think that it's okay to come on my YouTube page or my Instagram page and be that cruel? Wow, they must have gone through some hard crap for them to say this. So that's the second piece is the empathy. Then the last piece is sometimes I ignore them because I'm like, it won't serve me or them.

So then it comes the empathy piece where I'm like, wow, how much hate have they had to get in their life to think that it's okay to come on my YouTube page or my Instagram page and be that cruel? Wow, they must have gone through some hard crap for them to say this. So that's the second piece is the empathy. Then the last piece is sometimes I ignore them because I'm like, it won't serve me or them.

Sometimes I will respond. And I used to respond with... This is actually very spiteful, right? Like I would highlight the cruelty that was behind the comment. And then I realized, you know, all that's doing is actually making them feel worse. I'm not actually helping the scenario. So now my response, and I did this two days ago, in fact,

Sometimes I will respond. And I used to respond with... This is actually very spiteful, right? Like I would highlight the cruelty that was behind the comment. And then I realized, you know, all that's doing is actually making them feel worse. I'm not actually helping the scenario. So now my response, and I did this two days ago, in fact,

My response is, it probably took you two minutes to write this hateful comment. Can you imagine all the good you could do in the world if you took that two minutes and told someone in your life that you loved them? Could you imagine what a world we would live in if we did that? And within two minutes, they deleted their comment.

My response is, it probably took you two minutes to write this hateful comment. Can you imagine all the good you could do in the world if you took that two minutes and told someone in your life that you loved them? Could you imagine what a world we would live in if we did that? And within two minutes, they deleted their comment.

Now, I hope that they deleted it because I actually got through to them because that's my goal. I'm not looking to make anyone feel badly. But the truth is that if I can greet that type of negativity with grace, what world could we live in? And that's really now where you're finding me, where how can I greet hate with love? And every time I see the hate, I show love. What would that look like?

Now, I hope that they deleted it because I actually got through to them because that's my goal. I'm not looking to make anyone feel badly. But the truth is that if I can greet that type of negativity with grace, what world could we live in? And that's really now where you're finding me, where how can I greet hate with love? And every time I see the hate, I show love. What would that look like?

And it's an experiment. I don't know. You may find me in a year being like, that experiment failed. Everyone just met me with more hate. But again, I'm going to keep repeating, I want to reach my goal. And so every time I'm just willing to try different strategies, I'm willing to try different techniques in order to get there.

And it's an experiment. I don't know. You may find me in a year being like, that experiment failed. Everyone just met me with more hate. But again, I'm going to keep repeating, I want to reach my goal. And so every time I'm just willing to try different strategies, I'm willing to try different techniques in order to get there.

So in a year, if I realize why that didn't do anything, I may try a different technique with the haters. And that will be my next step. But I won't give up because I'm so dedicated to the goal.

So in a year, if I realize why that didn't do anything, I may try a different technique with the haters. And that will be my next step. But I won't give up because I'm so dedicated to the goal.

Yeah, exactly. And the thing that used to hold me back from reaching my confidence is my emotions. So there's no surprise there. One of the big things that is important is making sure that I'm so aligned with my mission and that I'm always reminded me of what my mission is, that I never allow my emotions to take lead.

Yeah, exactly. And the thing that used to hold me back from reaching my confidence is my emotions. So there's no surprise there. One of the big things that is important is making sure that I'm so aligned with my mission and that I'm always reminded me of what my mission is, that I never allow my emotions to take lead.

Because often we may do things that make us feel good in the moment, but end up derailing us from our actual mission and goal. So instead of saying, my mission is to help people, that's so non-tangible. What does that actually mean? How do you show up every day knowing if you're working towards your mission or not? So I have these two parts of me.

Because often we may do things that make us feel good in the moment, but end up derailing us from our actual mission and goal. So instead of saying, my mission is to help people, that's so non-tangible. What does that actually mean? How do you show up every day knowing if you're working towards your mission or not? So I have these two parts of me.

I have the emotional side of my brain and I have the very mathematical science side. So every time I try to get out the emotion, I need to put a mathematical equation in to know that I'm working towards it. Now, what do I mean by that? A mission to me becomes a mathematical somewhat of a sentence, a framework. It needs to have the what, the why, and the who.

I have the emotional side of my brain and I have the very mathematical science side. So every time I try to get out the emotion, I need to put a mathematical equation in to know that I'm working towards it. Now, what do I mean by that? A mission to me becomes a mathematical somewhat of a sentence, a framework. It needs to have the what, the why, and the who.

This allows me to know exactly where my North Star is. Because sometimes you can get derailed. So know your North Star. Write a mission statement, again, that creates the who, the what, and then the why. So my mission statement is to create content that impacts women, to help them with their mindsets. They never have to rebuild or unwire the negative mindset I've had to. Who? Women.

This allows me to know exactly where my North Star is. Because sometimes you can get derailed. So know your North Star. Write a mission statement, again, that creates the who, the what, and then the why. So my mission statement is to create content that impacts women, to help them with their mindsets. They never have to rebuild or unwire the negative mindset I've had to. Who? Women.

So if you were to ask me at any point, Lisa, will you come and speak in front of a thousand men? I go, does that fit my mission statement? No, because there isn't a woman in the audience. So while I really want to help men, and I think it's super freaking important, my specific mission of why I show up every day is to help the woman. Okay. The what? Create content. Why?

So if you were to ask me at any point, Lisa, will you come and speak in front of a thousand men? I go, does that fit my mission statement? No, because there isn't a woman in the audience. So while I really want to help men, and I think it's super freaking important, my specific mission of why I show up every day is to help the woman. Okay. The what? Create content. Why?

Because I went to film school. I love creating content. So if you want to know how I'm going to be able to show up every day and fight for my mission, it's doing the thing that I love. Now you can imagine, Lisa, can you come on a fishing trip with me and talk to my daughter, my daughter's cousin or my daughter's friend's cousin?

Because I went to film school. I love creating content. So if you want to know how I'm going to be able to show up every day and fight for my mission, it's doing the thing that I love. Now you can imagine, Lisa, can you come on a fishing trip with me and talk to my daughter, my daughter's cousin or my daughter's friend's cousin?

And I'll be like, all right, well, let me go back to my mission statement. Creating content, this isn't content creation. And I would just break down, okay, it's a woman, but it's not content creation. So actually that isn't where my energy should go. And so I'm able to say no with respect and politeness, but I know that's not my North Star. And then why?

And I'll be like, all right, well, let me go back to my mission statement. Creating content, this isn't content creation. And I would just break down, okay, it's a woman, but it's not content creation. So actually that isn't where my energy should go. And so I'm able to say no with respect and politeness, but I know that's not my North Star. And then why?

To help women unwire the negative mindset that I've had to do. So now when you ask, when Leap Academy reaches out and says, Lisa, will you come on? Of course, I'm going to say yes, because I look at my mission statement and it fits perfectly. But if you were to ask me to create content that helps women paint their nails...

To help women unwire the negative mindset that I've had to do. So now when you ask, when Leap Academy reaches out and says, Lisa, will you come on? Of course, I'm going to say yes, because I look at my mission statement and it fits perfectly. But if you were to ask me to create content that helps women paint their nails...

Again, it fits two, but it doesn't fit that third one, which is actually to help women unwire the negative mindset. So you can see where there's all these different opportunities potentially that could derail me because I love nails. Oh my God, yes, I want to teach women nails. It would derail me from my mission. Oh my God, yes, I really want to help men. It would derail me from my mission.

Again, it fits two, but it doesn't fit that third one, which is actually to help women unwire the negative mindset. So you can see where there's all these different opportunities potentially that could derail me because I love nails. Oh my God, yes, I want to teach women nails. It would derail me from my mission. Oh my God, yes, I really want to help men. It would derail me from my mission.

Yes, I want to help women so much that I'm willing to do a one-on-one for five hours. No, it would derail me from my mission. So that's why the mission statement is so damn important is because every time my emotions get in the way, I just go back to my mission. Does this align? Yes or no. Okay, so hopefully people understand the mission.

Yes, I want to help women so much that I'm willing to do a one-on-one for five hours. No, it would derail me from my mission. So that's why the mission statement is so damn important is because every time my emotions get in the way, I just go back to my mission. Does this align? Yes or no. Okay, so hopefully people understand the mission.

Now, the last piece that I'd love to say, though, Ilana, is make sure you check in every single year. I would advise every quarter that your mission actually still aligns with the life you want. Because often I think what we do is we'll go to college, right? We tell our friends. We may actually make a massive change. We may sell our house, move state. and say, this is what I want to do.

Now, the last piece that I'd love to say, though, Ilana, is make sure you check in every single year. I would advise every quarter that your mission actually still aligns with the life you want. Because often I think what we do is we'll go to college, right? We tell our friends. We may actually make a massive change. We may sell our house, move state. and say, this is what I want to do.

And then three years later, I'm freaking miserable. And now I no longer want to do it. But I'm too embarrassed or I'm too ashamed to tell people that now actually I want a different life. So what we end up doing is we somewhat kind of half dip into our mission. We don't actually take it seriously. We're not really committed anymore because we don't actually enjoy it.

And then three years later, I'm freaking miserable. And now I no longer want to do it. But I'm too embarrassed or I'm too ashamed to tell people that now actually I want a different life. So what we end up doing is we somewhat kind of half dip into our mission. We don't actually take it seriously. We're not really committed anymore because we don't actually enjoy it.

And then we wonder why we've never gotten to our goal or to our mission. It's that reason. So every quarter, I ask myself, do I still want to help women? Do I still care to pour my heart and energy into actually helping women? That's something that we should be able to ask ourselves without feeling guilty about. I ask myself, do I still want to be in a partnership with my husband?

And then we wonder why we've never gotten to our goal or to our mission. It's that reason. So every quarter, I ask myself, do I still want to help women? Do I still care to pour my heart and energy into actually helping women? That's something that we should be able to ask ourselves without feeling guilty about. I ask myself, do I still want to be in a partnership with my husband?

Do I still want to run a business with him? Now, remember, I've been in business with my husband since 2010, since we started Quest. But I still make sure that I ask myself that because I never want to get trapped again. And I think that so many of us get trapped in making that leap because we don't want to upset people. We've already told people that we've poured our heart and soul into it.

Do I still want to run a business with him? Now, remember, I've been in business with my husband since 2010, since we started Quest. But I still make sure that I ask myself that because I never want to get trapped again. And I think that so many of us get trapped in making that leap because we don't want to upset people. We've already told people that we've poured our heart and soul into it.

And so we don't want to make that change. And we put off taking that leap for years and years and years.

And so we don't want to make that change. And we put off taking that leap for years and years and years.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it was definitely one of the big pivots in my life and completely changed how I thought. So my husband was interviewing her when we were still at Quest and I was executive producer of the show. Flash forward, Quest was growing so quickly.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it was definitely one of the big pivots in my life and completely changed how I thought. So my husband was interviewing her when we were still at Quest and I was executive producer of the show. Flash forward, Quest was growing so quickly.

I moved from the shipping department to the media department because I wanted to use my film degree for actually something that, because I love content, going back to that. So I build a studio, I build a set. My husband's a host. The show's called Inside Quest and he has this motivational speaker. Now she's literally, I mean, there's a room full of maybe a hundred people and

I moved from the shipping department to the media department because I wanted to use my film degree for actually something that, because I love content, going back to that. So I build a studio, I build a set. My husband's a host. The show's called Inside Quest and he has this motivational speaker. Now she's literally, I mean, there's a room full of maybe a hundred people and

Every person's in tears, like crying that she's just moved us all to our core. So I'm sitting at the back of the room and I'm like, wow, this woman's amazing. I'm like, I could never be as good. Like, wow, she's just amazing, right? So literally in real time, as I'm thinking, I could never do that. She's so amazing. She goes and says, don't make me extraordinary to let yourself out off the hook.

Every person's in tears, like crying that she's just moved us all to our core. So I'm sitting at the back of the room and I'm like, wow, this woman's amazing. I'm like, I could never be as good. Like, wow, she's just amazing, right? So literally in real time, as I'm thinking, I could never do that. She's so amazing. She goes and says, don't make me extraordinary to let yourself out off the hook.

And I was like, oh, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm saying she's so good that there's no way I could do that. That's literally, you're letting yourself off the hook because you project that someone's got some magical spell on them that you don't. And what it does is it gives you the excuse to not even get started. It gives you the excuse to not even try.

And I was like, oh, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm saying she's so good that there's no way I could do that. That's literally, you're letting yourself off the hook because you project that someone's got some magical spell on them that you don't. And what it does is it gives you the excuse to not even get started. It gives you the excuse to not even try.

Now, I think what's so important is to never compare your beginning with someone else's middle or end. And that's what we do. One of my favorite movies of all time. Did you ever see Karate Kid? Of course. Love it. The whole wax on, wax off is literally the analogy of practice, practice, practice. So that when you eventually get in the ring and someone goes to crane kick you, you're prepared.

Now, I think what's so important is to never compare your beginning with someone else's middle or end. And that's what we do. One of my favorite movies of all time. Did you ever see Karate Kid? Of course. Love it. The whole wax on, wax off is literally the analogy of practice, practice, practice. So that when you eventually get in the ring and someone goes to crane kick you, you're prepared.

So what is your version of practice? When you are about to get started on something, you don't think about the fact that that person has put in all the practice. So if I was to look at you and be like, oh my God, she's such a great podcast host. I could never be as good as that. No, of course you can't if you don't get started. If you go, I've put in a thousand hours. I've put in 10,000 hours.

So what is your version of practice? When you are about to get started on something, you don't think about the fact that that person has put in all the practice. So if I was to look at you and be like, oh my God, she's such a great podcast host. I could never be as good as that. No, of course you can't if you don't get started. If you go, I've put in a thousand hours. I've put in 10,000 hours.

In all honesty, how do you have the audacity to think that you're going to be better than me when I've put in 10,000 hours and you haven't even put in one? Put in the reps, homie. It's a blessing. And when you're in that position, you can con yourself because of your ego.

In all honesty, how do you have the audacity to think that you're going to be better than me when I've put in 10,000 hours and you haven't even put in one? Put in the reps, homie. It's a blessing. And when you're in that position, you can con yourself because of your ego.

But when you're in the advanced position, you can look back and be like, of course, you're not going to be as good because you haven't done the work. So if we can just start there, if we can say, I haven't done the work, what does the work look like? How many hours do I need to put in? And then the last thing is never comparing yourself to the other person.

But when you're in the advanced position, you can look back and be like, of course, you're not going to be as good because you haven't done the work. So if we can just start there, if we can say, I haven't done the work, what does the work look like? How many hours do I need to put in? And then the last thing is never comparing yourself to the other person.

Because Ilana, it may have taken you by your fourth interview, you may have been like, oh my God, this woman has it down. She's so great at questions. It may take me a hundred interviews. Now imagine if I paint my future on what you've done. Now after episode 10, if I'm not as good as you, I'm beating myself up. versus saying, what is the thing that is going to allow me to get to my mission?

Because Ilana, it may have taken you by your fourth interview, you may have been like, oh my God, this woman has it down. She's so great at questions. It may take me a hundred interviews. Now imagine if I paint my future on what you've done. Now after episode 10, if I'm not as good as you, I'm beating myself up. versus saying, what is the thing that is going to allow me to get to my mission?

And if that means I have to put in 100 hours and that 10 times more than Alana, then cool, I've got to put in 100 hours. You maybe have a skill set that I don't. So maybe I'm starting behind the eight ball. Let's say you played the flute or the clarinet. when you were a kid and I didn't, and now I wanna learn how to play the piano.

And if that means I have to put in 100 hours and that 10 times more than Alana, then cool, I've got to put in 100 hours. You maybe have a skill set that I don't. So maybe I'm starting behind the eight ball. Let's say you played the flute or the clarinet. when you were a kid and I didn't, and now I wanna learn how to play the piano.

All right, well, you're ahead of me because you know how to read sheet music. So I go, even if she's never played the piano, she knows sheet music and I still have to learn the sheet music. So there's so much complexity to how someone got where they are. And I get the natural inclination to make them extraordinary because sometimes you don't actually want to do what it takes to get there.

All right, well, you're ahead of me because you know how to read sheet music. So I go, even if she's never played the piano, she knows sheet music and I still have to learn the sheet music. So there's so much complexity to how someone got where they are. And I get the natural inclination to make them extraordinary because sometimes you don't actually want to do what it takes to get there.

And that's where I talk about in the book, playing the game, no BS, what would it take? No BS, what would it take for me to have a podcast as big as Ilana's? Like actually play the game. Maybe, in fact, Ilana, how long do you spend on the podcast, Leap Academy? Roughly how many hours a week?

And that's where I talk about in the book, playing the game, no BS, what would it take? No BS, what would it take for me to have a podcast as big as Ilana's? Like actually play the game. Maybe, in fact, Ilana, how long do you spend on the podcast, Leap Academy? Roughly how many hours a week?

Okay, perfect. So let's say you do 50, 20. So you're probably doing around 70, 80 hours a week, which is absolutely insane. To your point, you don't have time to go to the beach. Okay. So now let's say someone's sitting here and they're listening to this podcast and they're like, I want to have a podcast like Ilana's. I want to be able to monetize it. I want to be as big.

Okay, perfect. So let's say you do 50, 20. So you're probably doing around 70, 80 hours a week, which is absolutely insane. To your point, you don't have time to go to the beach. Okay. So now let's say someone's sitting here and they're listening to this podcast and they're like, I want to have a podcast like Ilana's. I want to be able to monetize it. I want to be as big.

I want to be the number one or number two in education. Amazing. Now play the game. No BS. What would it actually take for me to be as big as Ilana? Because you can't just expect that to happen. So that's where I go into get detailed. No BS. What would it take? You can't go to the beach. You can't go on that vacation. You can't say yes to those dates.

I want to be the number one or number two in education. Amazing. Now play the game. No BS. What would it actually take for me to be as big as Ilana? Because you can't just expect that to happen. So that's where I go into get detailed. No BS. What would it take? You can't go to the beach. You can't go on that vacation. You can't say yes to those dates.

If you've got kids, maybe you can't go to every parent-teacher meeting. That is the realities of showing up like Ilana. That's the reality of having something like Leap Academy. So when someone's sitting at home right now saying, I want a podcast, how do I get it? I'm not even going to get started because I'm not as good as Ilana. That's the one excuse.

If you've got kids, maybe you can't go to every parent-teacher meeting. That is the realities of showing up like Ilana. That's the reality of having something like Leap Academy. So when someone's sitting at home right now saying, I want a podcast, how do I get it? I'm not even going to get started because I'm not as good as Ilana. That's the one excuse.

The second excuse is that I don't have the time or I can't. Well, if you put in 70 to 80 hours and you played no BS, what would it take? And you have to say no to those beach vacations and you have to say no to those outings and you have to say no and no and no and no. Now you can see how you end up getting as good as Alana, but you have to put in the reps.

The second excuse is that I don't have the time or I can't. Well, if you put in 70 to 80 hours and you played no BS, what would it take? And you have to say no to those beach vacations and you have to say no to those outings and you have to say no and no and no and no. Now you can see how you end up getting as good as Alana, but you have to put in the reps.

And if you're not willing to do the reps, of course you're not going to be as good as them. But don't trick yourself in thinking it's because you don't have the capability.

And if you're not willing to do the reps, of course you're not going to be as good as them. But don't trick yourself in thinking it's because you don't have the capability.

Or not work hard and just accept that they're never going to be as potentially as big as you, which again is okay. But don't be yourself out and then in 10 years say, I can't believe I'm not as big as Leap Academy. Well, no. You're not as big as Leap Academy because you chose those moments where Ilana's off working. You chose to Netflix and chill. But that's okay because it's your decision.

Or not work hard and just accept that they're never going to be as potentially as big as you, which again is okay. But don't be yourself out and then in 10 years say, I can't believe I'm not as big as Leap Academy. Well, no. You're not as big as Leap Academy because you chose those moments where Ilana's off working. You chose to Netflix and chill. But that's okay because it's your decision.

Just don't trick yourself into saying it's not my decision. I wish, I wish, I wish.

Just don't trick yourself into saying it's not my decision. I wish, I wish, I wish.

Being Greek Orthodox, it wasn't even in my brain or thought process to realize I had a choice whether I wanted kids or not. Now, that may seem crazy now, but I was born in 79, so that I'm 45 years old. So it was at a point where I was like, of course, I'm going to have kids. It didn't even dawn on me that I could ask myself, did I want children?

Being Greek Orthodox, it wasn't even in my brain or thought process to realize I had a choice whether I wanted kids or not. Now, that may seem crazy now, but I was born in 79, so that I'm 45 years old. So it was at a point where I was like, of course, I'm going to have kids. It didn't even dawn on me that I could ask myself, did I want children?

Now, as Quest started to grow and as I started to just help out, that was like what I was, I'm just going to help out. I'm the good Greek wife, remember? I'm just helping my husband out, not realizing we would grow so quickly. So I'm like, I'm helping out. And then every day I was like, wow, I really love this. Yesterday, I had no idea how to do X, Y, and Z. Today, I figured it out.

Now, as Quest started to grow and as I started to just help out, that was like what I was, I'm just going to help out. I'm the good Greek wife, remember? I'm just helping my husband out, not realizing we would grow so quickly. So I'm like, I'm helping out. And then every day I was like, wow, I really love this. Yesterday, I had no idea how to do X, Y, and Z. Today, I figured it out.

Wow, I didn't realize I could do that. And yet I managed to figure it out. I had such low self-esteem that every day I was doing something and figuring something out, I started to build pride. And that pride made me realize that I could maybe be unstoppable. And I actually said that, huh, maybe you could just keep going. keep going.

Wow, I didn't realize I could do that. And yet I managed to figure it out. I had such low self-esteem that every day I was doing something and figuring something out, I started to build pride. And that pride made me realize that I could maybe be unstoppable. And I actually said that, huh, maybe you could just keep going. keep going.

Maybe you can keep figuring things out and you're not as dumb as you thought you were. So that's an insight into me. When I was a kid, I used to think that I was dumb because I was the artist in the family and I wasn't getting A's, I was getting C's. So the narrative I taught myself growing up was that I was the dumb one in the family.

Maybe you can keep figuring things out and you're not as dumb as you thought you were. So that's an insight into me. When I was a kid, I used to think that I was dumb because I was the artist in the family and I wasn't getting A's, I was getting C's. So the narrative I taught myself growing up was that I was the dumb one in the family.

So by the time Quest started to grow and I started to realize, wow, hang on a minute. I've had this idea that I was really stupid, but I've kind of figured this stuff out. Maybe I'm not as stupid as I thought I was. I was finding the validation.

So by the time Quest started to grow and I started to realize, wow, hang on a minute. I've had this idea that I was really stupid, but I've kind of figured this stuff out. Maybe I'm not as stupid as I thought I was. I was finding the validation.

And that validation piece that I said that I was getting from being the stay-at-home wife, I realized I could now build my validation and being the person that didn't know something one day and could figure it out the next. Now, that idea was so enticing to me. Because imagine now, I fail. Oh, well, if I fail, what did I learn? Oh, great. I'm more powerful for it. Brilliant.

And that validation piece that I said that I was getting from being the stay-at-home wife, I realized I could now build my validation and being the person that didn't know something one day and could figure it out the next. Now, that idea was so enticing to me. Because imagine now, I fail. Oh, well, if I fail, what did I learn? Oh, great. I'm more powerful for it. Brilliant.

Now I validated myself through the failure. which is insane in and of itself. So I was like, this is fascinating. I wanted to keep going. And that was where I just paused and I said, but Lisa, you're about to have kids. And I was like, well, hang on a minute. Do I actually want kids? And that's where the idea came from. So the way that I processed it is I just are very honest.

Now I validated myself through the failure. which is insane in and of itself. So I was like, this is fascinating. I wanted to keep going. And that was where I just paused and I said, but Lisa, you're about to have kids. And I was like, well, hang on a minute. Do I actually want kids? And that's where the idea came from. So the way that I processed it is I just are very honest.

What does life actually look like in every possibility? So I just started writing out what are the possibilities? Number one, I quit my job and And I'm a stay-at-home wife. That's a possibility. Number two is that I keep working and I still have babies. That's a possibility because I know women that have done it. Number three is that I decide not to have kids and I just keep working. All right.

What does life actually look like in every possibility? So I just started writing out what are the possibilities? Number one, I quit my job and And I'm a stay-at-home wife. That's a possibility. Number two is that I keep working and I still have babies. That's a possibility because I know women that have done it. Number three is that I decide not to have kids and I just keep working. All right.

Those feel like three very possible buckets. Now what I do is I take an average Wednesday because Alana, we can all trick ourselves into thinking something's going to be amazing, right? We can trick ourselves into be like, oh my God, I really want to have a million subscribers on YouTube like Lisa. Well, let me tell you what a million subscribers come with. Demands. You have to keep serving.

Those feel like three very possible buckets. Now what I do is I take an average Wednesday because Alana, we can all trick ourselves into thinking something's going to be amazing, right? We can trick ourselves into be like, oh my God, I really want to have a million subscribers on YouTube like Lisa. Well, let me tell you what a million subscribers come with. Demands. You have to keep serving.

So the idea and the reality are very different because you can... paint a beautiful picture. But let's face it, every time you paint a beautiful picture, it never looks like that. So instead of me saying, I could very much get carried away with the excitement of having children. That is true. The idea of feeling like I've got a baby grown inside of me, I could...

So the idea and the reality are very different because you can... paint a beautiful picture. But let's face it, every time you paint a beautiful picture, it never looks like that. So instead of me saying, I could very much get carried away with the excitement of having children. That is true. The idea of feeling like I've got a baby grown inside of me, I could...

get emotional just thinking about it. The idea of having a little Tom with his ears and he's running around and he's like Tom Jr. the fourth is what we're going to call him because Tom was the third. I love that idea. So I could for sure convince myself why having kids is amazing. But what happens on an average Wednesday? That's what I really want to focus on.

get emotional just thinking about it. The idea of having a little Tom with his ears and he's running around and he's like Tom Jr. the fourth is what we're going to call him because Tom was the third. I love that idea. So I could for sure convince myself why having kids is amazing. But what happens on an average Wednesday? That's what I really want to focus on.

Not on the convincing of how magical it will be. What does your average everyday life actually look like? So now let's paint what an average Wednesday looks like in each of these buckets that I just painted for you. So an average Wednesday of me having both, right? Having kids and running a business. All right, I'm waking up. Let's say the kid is six. I'm waking up at 3 a.m.

Not on the convincing of how magical it will be. What does your average everyday life actually look like? So now let's paint what an average Wednesday looks like in each of these buckets that I just painted for you. So an average Wednesday of me having both, right? Having kids and running a business. All right, I'm waking up. Let's say the kid is six. I'm waking up at 3 a.m.

I'm helping them with their fever. I'm running them to the doctor at 7 a.m. because I've got to get to work by 9 a.m. I'm at work at 9 a.m., but my kid is crying because they want their mommy and I've left them with a nanny. Okay, then I feel really guilty. And so I'm trying to struggle to get home, but I have this big presentation. That's what a freaking average Wednesday looks like. Oh, yeah.

I'm helping them with their fever. I'm running them to the doctor at 7 a.m. because I've got to get to work by 9 a.m. I'm at work at 9 a.m., but my kid is crying because they want their mommy and I've left them with a nanny. Okay, then I feel really guilty. And so I'm trying to struggle to get home, but I have this big presentation. That's what a freaking average Wednesday looks like. Oh, yeah.

It's true. Oh, there you go. So I just ask myself with no judgment, is that the life I want? Not anyone else. Does Lisa Bilyeu enjoy that idea of that life? And the answer is no. That feels like freaking chaos to me. I don't function well in chaos. So it actually doesn't sound like a life that I want, an average Wednesday that isn't appealing to me.

It's true. Oh, there you go. So I just ask myself with no judgment, is that the life I want? Not anyone else. Does Lisa Bilyeu enjoy that idea of that life? And the answer is no. That feels like freaking chaos to me. I don't function well in chaos. So it actually doesn't sound like a life that I want, an average Wednesday that isn't appealing to me.

You know, when everyone like dreads the week, I don't want to be the person that's just dreading living. I want to enjoy my average Wednesday like I do a Saturday. So I said, that isn't the life I want. Great, now at least I know. So then I went down to the next bucket. What does it look like if I gave up work and dedicated my life to my children? And that's a very possible option.

You know, when everyone like dreads the week, I don't want to be the person that's just dreading living. I want to enjoy my average Wednesday like I do a Saturday. So I said, that isn't the life I want. Great, now at least I know. So then I went down to the next bucket. What does it look like if I gave up work and dedicated my life to my children? And that's a very possible option.

And so I laid out what an average Wednesday looks like. Okay, well, my husband has been very honest and told me he's very ambitious. He's told me he's not coming home at 6 or 7 p.m. at night. So the reality is I'm somewhat of a single mom Monday to Friday. Now, I'm the type of person that appreciates my husband just telling me. I don't want to find out after I've had the child.

And so I laid out what an average Wednesday looks like. Okay, well, my husband has been very honest and told me he's very ambitious. He's told me he's not coming home at 6 or 7 p.m. at night. So the reality is I'm somewhat of a single mom Monday to Friday. Now, I'm the type of person that appreciates my husband just telling me. I don't want to find out after I've had the child.

So he's like, peace out, you're on your own. No, thank you. So he's told me this. And so again, not pretending what it would be like to have a child, the actual realities of what it's like to have a child with my husband. And that would be, I'm a single mother from Monday to Friday. Number one. Number two, I'm no longer involved in his daily life, which is building the business. Do I want that?

So he's like, peace out, you're on your own. No, thank you. So he's told me this. And so again, not pretending what it would be like to have a child, the actual realities of what it's like to have a child with my husband. And that would be, I'm a single mother from Monday to Friday. Number one. Number two, I'm no longer involved in his daily life, which is building the business. Do I want that?

Am I going to be resentful towards the child? For now, I'm not with my husband doing the thing that actually makes me feel good about myself. I will ask myself all of these questions and then I will go to the final bucket. And that is what if I don't have children? What would it be like on an average Wednesday right now? I would be doing the same.

Am I going to be resentful towards the child? For now, I'm not with my husband doing the thing that actually makes me feel good about myself. I will ask myself all of these questions and then I will go to the final bucket. And that is what if I don't have children? What would it be like on an average Wednesday right now? I would be doing the same.

But what will it look like on an average Wednesday when I'm 80 years old? Maybe my husband's passed away and now I don't have children and I don't have a husband. Will I be okay? And I'm just honest. Once I'm able to be that honest with myself, I'm not pulling the wool over my eyes and I know exactly what I'm getting into.

But what will it look like on an average Wednesday when I'm 80 years old? Maybe my husband's passed away and now I don't have children and I don't have a husband. Will I be okay? And I'm just honest. Once I'm able to be that honest with myself, I'm not pulling the wool over my eyes and I know exactly what I'm getting into.

And so any decision that I end up making, I know that in 2, 3, 5, 10 years, I won't have regrets because I've looked at the situation with the utter reality of what it actually is. And now I would say I made the best decision with the knowledge that I have. So that was how I ended up saying, I love my life. I love working. I love building these businesses with my husband. Why would I change that?

And so any decision that I end up making, I know that in 2, 3, 5, 10 years, I won't have regrets because I've looked at the situation with the utter reality of what it actually is. And now I would say I made the best decision with the knowledge that I have. So that was how I ended up saying, I love my life. I love working. I love building these businesses with my husband. Why would I change that?

Now, the final piece is listening to other people. A lot of the times, and when we make a decision and what we feel, we're like, we want to block everyone out. Don't persuade me. I don't want to hear you. Now, why are we so worried that they're going to persuade us? But if they persuade us, aren't they actually then showing us something else that we haven't seen?

Now, the final piece is listening to other people. A lot of the times, and when we make a decision and what we feel, we're like, we want to block everyone out. Don't persuade me. I don't want to hear you. Now, why are we so worried that they're going to persuade us? But if they persuade us, aren't they actually then showing us something else that we haven't seen?

So I think if my decision cannot withstand people's disagreements, people's rebuttals, then maybe I wasn't strong in my conviction in the first place. So what I then did is I allowed to listen to people to say why they think I'm crazy, to make the decision that I don't want children. So number one was my dad. Oh, who are you going to leave your money to? That was his thing.

So I think if my decision cannot withstand people's disagreements, people's rebuttals, then maybe I wasn't strong in my conviction in the first place. So what I then did is I allowed to listen to people to say why they think I'm crazy, to make the decision that I don't want children. So number one was my dad. Oh, who are you going to leave your money to? That was his thing.

It's like, dad, I don't live in the ancient times. A, I think if I've actually spent every last penny on like my dying bed and I'm taking my last breath and then I'm writing the last check, that's a life well lived. Then he would say, who's going to take care of you when you're older? And I thought, okay, that's actually a very valid thing.

It's like, dad, I don't live in the ancient times. A, I think if I've actually spent every last penny on like my dying bed and I'm taking my last breath and then I'm writing the last check, that's a life well lived. Then he would say, who's going to take care of you when you're older? And I thought, okay, that's actually a very valid thing.

I cannot ignore that parents do turn to their children to have that support system when they're elderly. What am I going to do? I better build a great friendship circle. I better have people around me that I've poured my heart and soul into. And just because I haven't given birth myself doesn't mean that they're not going to be around. And then the last piece is your legacy.

I cannot ignore that parents do turn to their children to have that support system when they're elderly. What am I going to do? I better build a great friendship circle. I better have people around me that I've poured my heart and soul into. And just because I haven't given birth myself doesn't mean that they're not going to be around. And then the last piece is your legacy.

People always say, yeah, but what about your legacy? I had to then just ask, what the hell does that mean? People throw around phrases and you kind of repeat the phrases, but you don't actually ask yourself what that actually means, right? So I'm like, what does it actually mean to have a legacy? And I perceive the word legacy as being something that you are remembered even after death. Great.

People always say, yeah, but what about your legacy? I had to then just ask, what the hell does that mean? People throw around phrases and you kind of repeat the phrases, but you don't actually ask yourself what that actually means, right? So I'm like, what does it actually mean to have a legacy? And I perceive the word legacy as being something that you are remembered even after death. Great.

If that's true, Do I need to birth my own children to have a legacy? And the answer is no. So that, I know it was a lot and I know that was a really long explanation, but that's how I make decisions. And that was exactly how I ended up deciding I don't want children and I just want to keep helping other women in the world.

If that's true, Do I need to birth my own children to have a legacy? And the answer is no. So that, I know it was a lot and I know that was a really long explanation, but that's how I make decisions. And that was exactly how I ended up deciding I don't want children and I just want to keep helping other women in the world.

I think the truth is that I felt like I was alone. When I was making the decision to not have children, especially, and I don't know where your listeners are from, but when you're brought up in a very heavily cultural background, like being Greek Orthodox, that's a heavy thing. And so for me, making that decision to not have kids was unheard of.

I think the truth is that I felt like I was alone. When I was making the decision to not have children, especially, and I don't know where your listeners are from, but when you're brought up in a very heavily cultural background, like being Greek Orthodox, that's a heavy thing. And so for me, making that decision to not have kids was unheard of.

In fact, marrying someone out of my religion was unheard of. Did you see the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding? No. I did not.

In fact, marrying someone out of my religion was unheard of. Did you see the movie, My Big Fat Greek Wedding? No. I did not.

It's exactly the same. So I found that the pressure, marrying someone in my culture was already pressure as it was. Marrying my husband and him asking my dad for his blessing to marry me. And my dad said no. And And I still married him was one really freaking hard because I was daddy's girl.

It's exactly the same. So I found that the pressure, marrying someone in my culture was already pressure as it was. Marrying my husband and him asking my dad for his blessing to marry me. And my dad said no. And And I still married him was one really freaking hard because I was daddy's girl.

So how do you make a decision against the person in your life that is probably one of the most important humans, which was my dad, and then go against his wishes and How did I navigate that? So that was one of the big things where I was like, okay, unfortunately, going back to asking yourself the hard question, what does my life look like when I'm 50? What does my life look like when I'm 60?

So how do you make a decision against the person in your life that is probably one of the most important humans, which was my dad, and then go against his wishes and How did I navigate that? So that was one of the big things where I was like, okay, unfortunately, going back to asking yourself the hard question, what does my life look like when I'm 50? What does my life look like when I'm 60?

And if nature takes its course, while it's heartbreaking to think, my dad is going to die before me. If my dad dies before me, that means he's not going to maybe be around when I turn 50. Okay. If I turn 50 and my dad's not around and I've not married the man of my dreams, who do I have to blame? I can't blame my dad.

And if nature takes its course, while it's heartbreaking to think, my dad is going to die before me. If my dad dies before me, that means he's not going to maybe be around when I turn 50. Okay. If I turn 50 and my dad's not around and I've not married the man of my dreams, who do I have to blame? I can't blame my dad.

So do I want to get to 50, not have my dad around and have made the decision on my love life that was to please him and not me? No. So that was how I was able to make the decision. Again, I listened to my dad's opinions because I think there's some validity in what he was saying because he was like, it won't work. Dad, why won't it work?

So do I want to get to 50, not have my dad around and have made the decision on my love life that was to please him and not me? No. So that was how I was able to make the decision. Again, I listened to my dad's opinions because I think there's some validity in what he was saying because he was like, it won't work. Dad, why won't it work?

Because two cultures that don't understand each other can never work. Okay. My dad actually had a point. He actually waved a flag that while other people may either try to push out because they don't want to hear negativity or ignore, I was like, what if this is true? And so what I did is, if it was true, then me and Tom have to sit down before we get married and talk through our culture.

Because two cultures that don't understand each other can never work. Okay. My dad actually had a point. He actually waved a flag that while other people may either try to push out because they don't want to hear negativity or ignore, I was like, what if this is true? And so what I did is, if it was true, then me and Tom have to sit down before we get married and talk through our culture.

And that means what is important to me. If we have kids, I want them to learn Greek. If we have children, I want them to get christened Greek Orthodox. And here were all the things that were important to me. And so Tom then said the same thing. And so we were able to align on the cultural differences that I don't think we would have if my dad hadn't said it won't work.

And that means what is important to me. If we have kids, I want them to learn Greek. If we have children, I want them to get christened Greek Orthodox. And here were all the things that were important to me. And so Tom then said the same thing. And so we were able to align on the cultural differences that I don't think we would have if my dad hadn't said it won't work.

So I take the negativity as actually a lesson and a warning sign of what I can do differently. So going back to your question, knowing that I've already upset my dad once by marrying a guy that he didn't want me to marry was hard. Now I moved to America, which is another thing is like, against your culture. You don't move that far away from your family.

So I take the negativity as actually a lesson and a warning sign of what I can do differently. So going back to your question, knowing that I've already upset my dad once by marrying a guy that he didn't want me to marry was hard. Now I moved to America, which is another thing is like, against your culture. You don't move that far away from your family.

In fact, my dad bought the house opposite him when I was nine years old. And he said, when you get married, you live in this house. That's, I mean, you're laughing probably because you know exactly the same thing, right?

In fact, my dad bought the house opposite him when I was nine years old. And he said, when you get married, you live in this house. That's, I mean, you're laughing probably because you know exactly the same thing, right?

Exactly the same. So when I think about the pressures that we get from other people, when I think about the decisions we make because we don't want to make the hard decisions, we don't want to defend ourselves and we don't want to upset people, we end up doing things that don't align with the life that we want.

Exactly the same. So when I think about the pressures that we get from other people, when I think about the decisions we make because we don't want to make the hard decisions, we don't want to defend ourselves and we don't want to upset people, we end up doing things that don't align with the life that we want.

And because I had done that for eight years and I made a promise to myself that I would never go back there again, I think when it got to the point where I was making a decision with children, I just said to myself, Lisa, it's your life. And if you can listen to other people and be gracious in your decisions, but make sure that it's not negotiable.

And because I had done that for eight years and I made a promise to myself that I would never go back there again, I think when it got to the point where I was making a decision with children, I just said to myself, Lisa, it's your life. And if you can listen to other people and be gracious in your decisions, but make sure that it's not negotiable.

I'm not telling people so that I can negotiate whether I'm going to have children or not. I'm telling people to inform them. And if they have advice and an opinion, I'm going to listen. But this isn't a negotiation. And so I went in there knowing this wasn't a negotiation.

I'm not telling people so that I can negotiate whether I'm going to have children or not. I'm telling people to inform them. And if they have advice and an opinion, I'm going to listen. But this isn't a negotiation. And so I went in there knowing this wasn't a negotiation.

It was my life to live, that God forbid something happens to these people around me, my dad or anything else, the people who are telling me, well, you should have kids. I know that when I go to bed at the end of the day, I can be at peace with the decision I've made because I've done it because I've wanted to, not because other people have influenced me.

It was my life to live, that God forbid something happens to these people around me, my dad or anything else, the people who are telling me, well, you should have kids. I know that when I go to bed at the end of the day, I can be at peace with the decision I've made because I've done it because I've wanted to, not because other people have influenced me.

And I've accepted the backlash that would come with it. And the backlash originally that came with it, especially being a Greek woman, was you're selfish. I even had a comment that I screenshot and saved. I wish I had it with me. The comment, you want to talk about bad comments? Someone said, Lisa, your husband is pretending that it's okay you don't have children.

And I've accepted the backlash that would come with it. And the backlash originally that came with it, especially being a Greek woman, was you're selfish. I even had a comment that I screenshot and saved. I wish I had it with me. The comment, you want to talk about bad comments? Someone said, Lisa, your husband is pretending that it's okay you don't have children.

When you turn 50 and you're old and wrinkly, he's going to leave you for a younger woman and have children. So now in that moment, you can convince yourself that that person is right. You can convince yourself that they have the right to shame you. No one has the right. And I won't allow it. And that is in my control. I won't allow it to shame me.

When you turn 50 and you're old and wrinkly, he's going to leave you for a younger woman and have children. So now in that moment, you can convince yourself that that person is right. You can convince yourself that they have the right to shame you. No one has the right. And I won't allow it. And that is in my control. I won't allow it to shame me.

And so in that moment, I just took the comment and I said to my husband, I just want to make sure this isn't true. And he just looked at me and he's like, of course it's not true. I was like, all right, great. Thanks, babe. Love you. Bye. But like going back to like always checking in on people, maybe my husband has made the decision, right? Or has changed his mind.

And so in that moment, I just took the comment and I said to my husband, I just want to make sure this isn't true. And he just looked at me and he's like, of course it's not true. I was like, all right, great. Thanks, babe. Love you. Bye. But like going back to like always checking in on people, maybe my husband has made the decision, right? Or has changed his mind.

When we decided not to have children, he was very okay with it. But if he wants children now, we've created a space to have that honesty where he can come to me and say, look, I know you're 45. I know you probably can't bear children anymore, but I want kids. Would you consider adopting? Would you consider fostering?

When we decided not to have children, he was very okay with it. But if he wants children now, we've created a space to have that honesty where he can come to me and say, look, I know you're 45. I know you probably can't bear children anymore, but I want kids. Would you consider adopting? Would you consider fostering?

There's always space for us to say to each other the hard thing and ask each other the hard questions, but it's always in service of trying to get to the answer that feels right for you. So at the end of the day, hopefully the description, the breakdown of how I handle children, people can use for children or anything in their lives. But don't you dare let other people make a decision for you.

There's always space for us to say to each other the hard thing and ask each other the hard questions, but it's always in service of trying to get to the answer that feels right for you. So at the end of the day, hopefully the description, the breakdown of how I handle children, people can use for children or anything in their lives. But don't you dare let other people make a decision for you.

I'm not religious, so I don't necessarily believe in an afterlife. Now, look, I know other people do, and there's zero problem with that. But I just go, okay, I believe my life on earth is finite. So if my life is finite, what the hell am I doing with the 24 hours I have right now? Am I living it in service of someone else, or am I living it in service of myself?

I'm not religious, so I don't necessarily believe in an afterlife. Now, look, I know other people do, and there's zero problem with that. But I just go, okay, I believe my life on earth is finite. So if my life is finite, what the hell am I doing with the 24 hours I have right now? Am I living it in service of someone else, or am I living it in service of myself?

What's interesting is, is that the somewhat truth but cop-out answer is I wouldn't share anything because I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't experienced it. Now, I need that to be true. And the reason why I need it to be true is I tell myself that the next time something goes wrong, I'm just like, oh, this happened for a reason. You're going to learn from it.

What's interesting is, is that the somewhat truth but cop-out answer is I wouldn't share anything because I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't experienced it. Now, I need that to be true. And the reason why I need it to be true is I tell myself that the next time something goes wrong, I'm just like, oh, this happened for a reason. You're going to learn from it.

So every time something bad happens, I need it to be true that I'm going to get better for it. So if I go back and I try to soothe the Lisa, then I'm kind of eliminating the belief system that I have today. So I want to make sure that I'm never given a fake answer, which is why I give all of that caveat.

So every time something bad happens, I need it to be true that I'm going to get better for it. So if I go back and I try to soothe the Lisa, then I'm kind of eliminating the belief system that I have today. So I want to make sure that I'm never given a fake answer, which is why I give all of that caveat.

If I could still learn the lessons that I've learned and assume that that doesn't go away, I would go back to the old Lisa and I would say, you've got your own back. You've got your own back. Because I spent so many years looking for people to have my back. I was looking to be saved metaphorically and actually.

If I could still learn the lessons that I've learned and assume that that doesn't go away, I would go back to the old Lisa and I would say, you've got your own back. You've got your own back. Because I spent so many years looking for people to have my back. I was looking to be saved metaphorically and actually.

And every time I was looking to my dad, I was looking to my mom, I was looking to friends, I was looking to co-workers, I was looking to my husband. And you had said it earlier, I've had massive gut issues. And one of the biggest realizations was I got married very young. Me and my husband are very much intertwined and I love him and we trust each other, but I would turn to him for everything.

And every time I was looking to my dad, I was looking to my mom, I was looking to friends, I was looking to co-workers, I was looking to my husband. And you had said it earlier, I've had massive gut issues. And one of the biggest realizations was I got married very young. Me and my husband are very much intertwined and I love him and we trust each other, but I would turn to him for everything.

And so what ended up happening was I didn't build my own backbone. And so it got to a day where my gut was so bad, I couldn't even stand up. I was having excruciating pains. I was 20 pounds lighter than I was now. And I was in the middle of a photo shoot and I'm getting these pains where I could barely breathe. So of course, being a woman, you don't want to make a fuss. This is what I told myself.

And so what ended up happening was I didn't build my own backbone. And so it got to a day where my gut was so bad, I couldn't even stand up. I was having excruciating pains. I was 20 pounds lighter than I was now. And I was in the middle of a photo shoot and I'm getting these pains where I could barely breathe. So of course, being a woman, you don't want to make a fuss. This is what I told myself.

So I just politely excused myself. I run upstairs. And the pain is so bad, I actually fall to the floor. Now, in that moment, I have my husband to lean on. So I've got my phone next to me. We have a rule that we're allowed to call each other and we're allowed to ignore each other. I can ignore the first call. I can ignore the second call.

So I just politely excused myself. I run upstairs. And the pain is so bad, I actually fall to the floor. Now, in that moment, I have my husband to lean on. So I've got my phone next to me. We have a rule that we're allowed to call each other and we're allowed to ignore each other. I can ignore the first call. I can ignore the second call.

But if one of us calls the other person for the third time, it means I don't care what you're doing. You could be interviewing the president of the United States. If I call you three times in a row, you drop everything and you answer. That's our code. Great. So imagine I'm on the floor. I'm taking a breath. I'm trying to call him. Hey, I need your help. He doesn't answer.

But if one of us calls the other person for the third time, it means I don't care what you're doing. You could be interviewing the president of the United States. If I call you three times in a row, you drop everything and you answer. That's our code. Great. So imagine I'm on the floor. I'm taking a breath. I'm trying to call him. Hey, I need your help. He doesn't answer.

I call again the second time. He doesn't answer. But the third time I'm like, oh, he's going to answer. We've got the deal. He doesn't answer. So here I am thinking that my safety net, my savior is going to be here to help me. And he's not. Now, in that moment, I'd already built a billion dollar company at that point. But in that moment, I kept turning to other people.

I call again the second time. He doesn't answer. But the third time I'm like, oh, he's going to answer. We've got the deal. He doesn't answer. So here I am thinking that my safety net, my savior is going to be here to help me. And he's not. Now, in that moment, I'd already built a billion dollar company at that point. But in that moment, I kept turning to other people.

And in that moment, I said, oh, no one's coming to save you, Lisa. The person you thought was coming to save you, he's not here. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to stay on this cold bathroom floor? Or are you going to freaking get back up and know that you get to save your own life? And in that moment, I was like, well, I guess I've got to get up.

And in that moment, I said, oh, no one's coming to save you, Lisa. The person you thought was coming to save you, he's not here. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to stay on this cold bathroom floor? Or are you going to freaking get back up and know that you get to save your own life? And in that moment, I was like, well, I guess I've got to get up.

And I physically got up and I physically went back downstairs. I emotionally sobered up. I got myself back together. I took some deep breaths. I had a glass of water. I went back downstairs and I finished the photo shoot. Now, that story happened in 2000, I want to say 2016, 2017. I remember that story like it was yesterday. Why? Because I remind myself, no one's coming to save you.

And I physically got up and I physically went back downstairs. I emotionally sobered up. I got myself back together. I took some deep breaths. I had a glass of water. I went back downstairs and I finished the photo shoot. Now, that story happened in 2000, I want to say 2016, 2017. I remember that story like it was yesterday. Why? Because I remind myself, no one's coming to save you.

You are the hero of your own life. Get the F up. And that's the story that every time I fall metaphorically, every time I fail, I tell myself over and over. And that's the lesson I wish every single person could know because no one's coming to save you. And that's the best news ever. Why? Because now you can stop waiting. Now you can actually do something about it.

You are the hero of your own life. Get the F up. And that's the story that every time I fall metaphorically, every time I fail, I tell myself over and over. And that's the lesson I wish every single person could know because no one's coming to save you. And that's the best news ever. Why? Because now you can stop waiting. Now you can actually do something about it.

You can get back up and you can take action. And that is so empowering.

You can get back up and you can take action. And that is so empowering.

And here's the reality. I'm not always happy. You know, there are moments where I'm like, I'm stressed, I'm frustrated, I'm overwhelmed, I'm burnt out. I mean, even on this interview, there were two moments where I forgot what I was saying and I'm going through perimenopause right now. And so part of that is I actually have brain fog and you're seeing me in real time handle having brain fog.

And here's the reality. I'm not always happy. You know, there are moments where I'm like, I'm stressed, I'm frustrated, I'm overwhelmed, I'm burnt out. I mean, even on this interview, there were two moments where I forgot what I was saying and I'm going through perimenopause right now. And so part of that is I actually have brain fog and you're seeing me in real time handle having brain fog.

And the reality is just like everything else, I have to be honest about it. I have to give myself the grace and then I have to figure out ways around it. So thank you for having me and thank you for saying that. But I want people to know that even in being happy, it takes action. It takes work. I put my hair in a certain way. I wear my Wonder Woman jewelry. I love women.

And the reality is just like everything else, I have to be honest about it. I have to give myself the grace and then I have to figure out ways around it. So thank you for having me and thank you for saying that. But I want people to know that even in being happy, it takes action. It takes work. I put my hair in a certain way. I wear my Wonder Woman jewelry. I love women.

So coming on and seeing you and talking to you is so energizing. All of this is absolutely deliberate. to make sure that I show up in the way that I want to show up. None of it's by accident. It's not like I have a happy bone that I'm always, you know, like most of the time I'm actually stressed, but I just make fun of myself and I try to be lighthearted about it.

So coming on and seeing you and talking to you is so energizing. All of this is absolutely deliberate. to make sure that I show up in the way that I want to show up. None of it's by accident. It's not like I have a happy bone that I'm always, you know, like most of the time I'm actually stressed, but I just make fun of myself and I try to be lighthearted about it.

Oh, thank you for having me on. It was such a joy to speak to you.

Oh, thank you for having me on. It was such a joy to speak to you.

This is an iHeart Podcast.

This is an iHeart Podcast.

So many women end up settling. Now, not because we want to, but because we're scared. We're scared of being alone. We're scared of starting over. We're scared that maybe this is as good as we can get. But that fear is actually then just keeping us stuck. So how on earth do we start making choices based on our worth so we never settle for less than we deserve?

So many women end up settling. Now, not because we want to, but because we're scared. We're scared of being alone. We're scared of starting over. We're scared that maybe this is as good as we can get. But that fear is actually then just keeping us stuck. So how on earth do we start making choices based on our worth so we never settle for less than we deserve?

Okay, so break that down even more because it's so hit me when you said we ask people's opinions and then we take that on. So like, let's just take families because I'm Greek Orthodox and obviously you're Indian. So our family culture is very dominant, if you will, in dictating what we should do and how we should show up.

Okay, so break that down even more because it's so hit me when you said we ask people's opinions and then we take that on. So like, let's just take families because I'm Greek Orthodox and obviously you're Indian. So our family culture is very dominant, if you will, in dictating what we should do and how we should show up.

So are you saying, for instance, if we ask our parents, hey, what do you think of my partner? They're going to come from their perspective based on what they think that you need in your life.

So are you saying, for instance, if we ask our parents, hey, what do you think of my partner? They're going to come from their perspective based on what they think that you need in your life.

Oh God, that's so true. Okay, so if you assess, this is their belief, this is their opinion, how do you then, to your words, disappear inwards so that you can start to listen to your own intuition? And then what if that intuition is saying, I don't want you to be alone? Because that's the second thing.

Oh God, that's so true. Okay, so if you assess, this is their belief, this is their opinion, how do you then, to your words, disappear inwards so that you can start to listen to your own intuition? And then what if that intuition is saying, I don't want you to be alone? Because that's the second thing.

It's like there's one thing listening to external, there's another thing listening to your own insecurities.

It's like there's one thing listening to external, there's another thing listening to your own insecurities.

Well, because if you're passive, you're not putting yourself out there, you don't feel rejected.

Well, because if you're passive, you're not putting yourself out there, you don't feel rejected.

That was so good. OK, so let's say you've done the work that you've just laid out and you really start to go inwards. But there's also the person that ends up choosing the wrong person time and time again and becomes this toxic cycle. And I'm really curious on why on earth sometimes we go for the person that isn't right for us and ignore the person that actually is right for us.

That was so good. OK, so let's say you've done the work that you've just laid out and you really start to go inwards. But there's also the person that ends up choosing the wrong person time and time again and becomes this toxic cycle. And I'm really curious on why on earth sometimes we go for the person that isn't right for us and ignore the person that actually is right for us.

God, everything you're saying really hit me in the sense of I had been there once upon a time with my ex-boyfriend. He was very toxic. He was very verbally abusive. And I literally, when I left him, when I finally found the courage, Jay, I was like, I'm going to find a guy that likes me, that's nice, that's kind, that's considerate. I found a guy that was nice, kind and considerate before Tom.

God, everything you're saying really hit me in the sense of I had been there once upon a time with my ex-boyfriend. He was very toxic. He was very verbally abusive. And I literally, when I left him, when I finally found the courage, Jay, I was like, I'm going to find a guy that likes me, that's nice, that's kind, that's considerate. I found a guy that was nice, kind and considerate before Tom.

And I was like, well, this is boring.

And I was like, well, this is boring.

YouTube it right now.

YouTube it right now.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Or now it's related to how much the man earns.

Or now it's related to how much the man earns.

The other day I said something to Tom about menopause and I was like, I just need this because I'm perimenopause, babe. And he turns around to me and he's like, I will absolutely support you. But he's like, look, you have a group of girlfriends that are going through the same thing.

The other day I said something to Tom about menopause and I was like, I just need this because I'm perimenopause, babe. And he turns around to me and he's like, I will absolutely support you. But he's like, look, you have a group of girlfriends that are going through the same thing.

He's like, so no matter how much I try to see you, he's like, I just I cannot see it through your eyes because I'm not a woman. I don't know what it's like to be going through this at your age. So he's like, I'm doing the research, I'm reading the books, but... If there is something that I just cannot grasp, by all means, turn to your friends for it.

He's like, so no matter how much I try to see you, he's like, I just I cannot see it through your eyes because I'm not a woman. I don't know what it's like to be going through this at your age. So he's like, I'm doing the research, I'm reading the books, but... If there is something that I just cannot grasp, by all means, turn to your friends for it.

Now, the thing also, though, is that a lot of women do is almost the opposite. So this is what my partner wants. This is what they love. So let me sacrifice. In the small things, it isn't a big deal. So it's like, all right, fine. I'll go watch soccer with him, even if I don't like soccer. That's one thing.

Now, the thing also, though, is that a lot of women do is almost the opposite. So this is what my partner wants. This is what they love. So let me sacrifice. In the small things, it isn't a big deal. So it's like, all right, fine. I'll go watch soccer with him, even if I don't like soccer. That's one thing.

But the big ones that actually end up wrecking a lot of women is they've sacrificed their entire lives. They've sacrificed the career for the family, whether it's kids or the husband. And as we get older, we start to realize, hang on a minute, what about me? And that maybe compromise that we felt good with now actually we realize was a sacrifice that will never get back.

But the big ones that actually end up wrecking a lot of women is they've sacrificed their entire lives. They've sacrificed the career for the family, whether it's kids or the husband. And as we get older, we start to realize, hang on a minute, what about me? And that maybe compromise that we felt good with now actually we realize was a sacrifice that will never get back.

How do you differentiate compromise and sacrifice? And where's that fine line between one's actually really healthy and one's like the thing that will break your relationship?

How do you differentiate compromise and sacrifice? And where's that fine line between one's actually really healthy and one's like the thing that will break your relationship?

And they're responsive, I never asked you to. You can kind of understand why they would say that as a protective mechanism, because it feels right now, oh my God, is it all my fault that your life hasn't been what you hoped it would be? Well, that's a big burden for a partner to take on. So to protect yourself, you make it was, that was your decision, which actually is true.

And they're responsive, I never asked you to. You can kind of understand why they would say that as a protective mechanism, because it feels right now, oh my God, is it all my fault that your life hasn't been what you hoped it would be? Well, that's a big burden for a partner to take on. So to protect yourself, you make it was, that was your decision, which actually is true.

Yes, because you've encouraged them. You've applauded them every time they've made you, and look, I'm speaking for myself with me and Tom, right? It was like every time I would cook dinner and clean his clothes, he was always like, you're the best Greek wife ever. And then eventually after eight years, I'm like, I don't want to cook and clean for you anymore.

Yes, because you've encouraged them. You've applauded them every time they've made you, and look, I'm speaking for myself with me and Tom, right? It was like every time I would cook dinner and clean his clothes, he was always like, you're the best Greek wife ever. And then eventually after eight years, I'm like, I don't want to cook and clean for you anymore.

But he actually never asked me to in the first place.

But he actually never asked me to in the first place.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah, I made sure that I didn't blame Tom and I needed to make sure it was true before I said it. But the truth was he didn't force me. The truth is I never said I was unhappy. Like all of these things I had to be very honest about of where my actions actually contributed to where I was. I actually interviewed recently a guy called Jefferson Fisher and he- Oh yeah, I like Jefferson.

Yeah, I made sure that I didn't blame Tom and I needed to make sure it was true before I said it. But the truth was he didn't force me. The truth is I never said I was unhappy. Like all of these things I had to be very honest about of where my actions actually contributed to where I was. I actually interviewed recently a guy called Jefferson Fisher and he- Oh yeah, I like Jefferson.

Okay, so he even said, when you're having a tough conversation, instead of saying, I want to talk to you, right, that makes it very personal, you say the room. So you're saying, I want this room to be a safe space where I can be transparent and honest. Are you comfortable with that? And so you're saying it's the room instead of them. You're then getting their buy-in to say yes.

Okay, so he even said, when you're having a tough conversation, instead of saying, I want to talk to you, right, that makes it very personal, you say the room. So you're saying, I want this room to be a safe space where I can be transparent and honest. Are you comfortable with that? And so you're saying it's the room instead of them. You're then getting their buy-in to say yes.

And you're then saying, I don't need you to fix it. I need this to be a place where you can listen. And so you're telling them what to expect. So learning the language to communicate with your partners so you don't trigger them so that you both can have an emotionally sober conversation, I think ends up being the most fruitful thing that we can do.

And you're then saying, I don't need you to fix it. I need this to be a place where you can listen. And so you're telling them what to expect. So learning the language to communicate with your partners so you don't trigger them so that you both can have an emotionally sober conversation, I think ends up being the most fruitful thing that we can do.

That's so good. That's so simple and so good. And one other thing that you just mentioned that was almost subtlety, it takes out the absolutes of like, you never do this for me. Because I think that when you're trying to make an effort and then someone says you don't ever, it's kind of like, well, why am I even bothering? And so if you say we, there was no absolutes in the we.

That's so good. That's so simple and so good. And one other thing that you just mentioned that was almost subtlety, it takes out the absolutes of like, you never do this for me. Because I think that when you're trying to make an effort and then someone says you don't ever, it's kind of like, well, why am I even bothering? And so if you say we, there was no absolutes in the we.

Yeah. So you mentioned earlier about how sometimes we can misunderstand or miscommunicate and we think one thing is one thing, but actually it's the other. So the compromise versus the sacrifice in your words.

Yeah. So you mentioned earlier about how sometimes we can misunderstand or miscommunicate and we think one thing is one thing, but actually it's the other. So the compromise versus the sacrifice in your words.

Yeah. Amazing. I actually have a few more because I was like, OK, what are the things that get us trapped in a relationship? Going back to like the settling thing and why we either choose the wrong person or we end up staying in a relationship that isn't right. And there were a few things that I think that we get confused.

Yeah. Amazing. I actually have a few more because I was like, OK, what are the things that get us trapped in a relationship? Going back to like the settling thing and why we either choose the wrong person or we end up staying in a relationship that isn't right. And there were a few things that I think that we get confused.

So I've written a few down that I'd love to talk about. So actually, let's start with love and lust. So how would you look at the difference between love and lust and how if someone's listening right now, can they decipher which one they're in?

So I've written a few down that I'd love to talk about. So actually, let's start with love and lust. So how would you look at the difference between love and lust and how if someone's listening right now, can they decipher which one they're in?

That's so good. What's interesting, I've been with someone for 25 years, we've never once had makeup sex. I'm just thinking about that.

That's so good. What's interesting, I've been with someone for 25 years, we've never once had makeup sex. I'm just thinking about that.

Yeah, that's almost like actually because once we've like kind of come to an agreement, I'm still so raw. And so I just need to be cuddled. I need sweetness. Like the last thing I want is like crazy sex.

Yeah, that's almost like actually because once we've like kind of come to an agreement, I'm still so raw. And so I just need to be cuddled. I need sweetness. Like the last thing I want is like crazy sex.

So that's fascinating.

So that's fascinating.

That's so true. But yet my ex, who was very toxic, we had a lot of make-up sex and break-up sex.

That's so true. But yet my ex, who was very toxic, we had a lot of make-up sex and break-up sex.

All right. So the difference between comfortable or complacent. Have you settled into a healthy rhythm or are you stuck in an unfulfilling routine?

All right. So the difference between comfortable or complacent. Have you settled into a healthy rhythm or are you stuck in an unfulfilling routine?

It's a very negative word.

It's a very negative word.

Yeah, but what's interesting, because in your head, though, you were like, well, hang on, I'm working, I'm doing this. And it's the doing.

Yeah, but what's interesting, because in your head, though, you were like, well, hang on, I'm working, I'm doing this. And it's the doing.

I'm such a data person as well that I love that you just broke it down out of like four and it's like a checklist.

I'm such a data person as well that I love that you just broke it down out of like four and it's like a checklist.

I told you to wash the dishes and I put the soap out.

I told you to wash the dishes and I put the soap out.

That's so good. I love it. I'm going to definitely take that one. I've got a few more for you. All right. Difference between intuition or insecurity. How to tell if your gut is warning you or if past trauma is clouding your judgement.

That's so good. I love it. I'm going to definitely take that one. I've got a few more for you. All right. Difference between intuition or insecurity. How to tell if your gut is warning you or if past trauma is clouding your judgement.

Okay, let me give a scenario for you then. And I want you to let me know how you navigate it. So let's assume you're on a date and you really like them. And you're like, oh my God, we have this connection. Maybe they're the one. And my gut is telling me this is the one, Jay.

Okay, let me give a scenario for you then. And I want you to let me know how you navigate it. So let's assume you're on a date and you really like them. And you're like, oh my God, we have this connection. Maybe they're the one. And my gut is telling me this is the one, Jay.

So how do you know in that moment that your gut is telling you that that person is the right person, or it's just the toxic pattern that you've had from childhood that says if someone acts like this, it means love?

So how do you know in that moment that your gut is telling you that that person is the right person, or it's just the toxic pattern that you've had from childhood that says if someone acts like this, it means love?

That's so true. And I don't know if you remember this, but there was something that you taught me that stuck with me to this day. So it was about maybe two years ago. I can't remember what trip we were on together. For everyone at home, we've been on many trips together. And someone had really hurt me. emotionally and had broken my trust.

That's so true. And I don't know if you remember this, but there was something that you taught me that stuck with me to this day. So it was about maybe two years ago. I can't remember what trip we were on together. For everyone at home, we've been on many trips together. And someone had really hurt me. emotionally and had broken my trust.

And I remember turning to you and I was like, Jay, I didn't see it coming. I was like, I trusted them and they backstabbed me. And I remember you looking at me and you're like, OK, so did you have them earn your trust? And my answer was no. And I remember you saying that this was years ago and still to this day, whenever I go to, oh my God, I trust them.

And I remember turning to you and I was like, Jay, I didn't see it coming. I was like, I trusted them and they backstabbed me. And I remember you looking at me and you're like, OK, so did you have them earn your trust? And my answer was no. And I remember you saying that this was years ago and still to this day, whenever I go to, oh my God, I trust them.

The very next thing is you and my head saying, hanging on, but have they earned it? And so I think then in those moments, in that first month of dating, we go off our emotions and the chemicals in our body. But we're made to believe it's love or trust or things like that.

The very next thing is you and my head saying, hanging on, but have they earned it? And so I think then in those moments, in that first month of dating, we go off our emotions and the chemicals in our body. But we're made to believe it's love or trust or things like that.

So where's that line between the values that someone has versus what they say? Because actually, let's go back to relationships and how you cannot fix something. In fact, I've got a Jay Shetty quote. We think we have to fix people, but we have to love them while they fix themselves. So how often do we try to? Why is that detrimental? And why do we keep doing it? Why do we keep trying to fix people?

So where's that line between the values that someone has versus what they say? Because actually, let's go back to relationships and how you cannot fix something. In fact, I've got a Jay Shetty quote. We think we have to fix people, but we have to love them while they fix themselves. So how often do we try to? Why is that detrimental? And why do we keep doing it? Why do we keep trying to fix people?

And he probably just feels worse about it.

And he probably just feels worse about it.

Okay, so what if you're with somebody, so you've got with Radhi, you know she values family, you see it's beautiful, you see how that shows up. What sometimes happens over time though is their value starts to change and they're now no longer that person that got the joy from let's say the family.

Okay, so what if you're with somebody, so you've got with Radhi, you know she values family, you see it's beautiful, you see how that shows up. What sometimes happens over time though is their value starts to change and they're now no longer that person that got the joy from let's say the family.

In those moments, I think we try to fix that person to come back to the person that we first met, that we first fell in love with and going back to the growth thing where it's like you can be on different paths. Sometimes I think someone in a relationship dynamic, one partner is like, hang on a minute, I fell in love with this person. This is the person I may be married.

In those moments, I think we try to fix that person to come back to the person that we first met, that we first fell in love with and going back to the growth thing where it's like you can be on different paths. Sometimes I think someone in a relationship dynamic, one partner is like, hang on a minute, I fell in love with this person. This is the person I may be married.

This is the person that I was with. And now over time, you've changed. How do you start to navigate that without the person feeling bad about that change? So Roddy met you. You just come out of monkhood. I'm not sure what you would call it, but it's monkhood. So you just come out of monkhood and you're coaching, you're teaching. She knows who you are. You're all spiritual.

This is the person that I was with. And now over time, you've changed. How do you start to navigate that without the person feeling bad about that change? So Roddy met you. You just come out of monkhood. I'm not sure what you would call it, but it's monkhood. So you just come out of monkhood and you're coaching, you're teaching. She knows who you are. You're all spiritual.

Let's say 10 years later, you're just an ass. You don't care about work. You don't really care about people. And now she's like, hang on a minute. You're not the person I fell in love with.

Let's say 10 years later, you're just an ass. You don't care about work. You don't really care about people. And now she's like, hang on a minute. You're not the person I fell in love with.

That's such a great breakdown. And I love how you think. Like, I really love how you think because every time I'm like, okay, he's going to answer it like this. You never do. Like the idea of like asking yourself those questions is so important. Like a thousand percent. Because it's on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, but...

That's such a great breakdown. And I love how you think. Like, I really love how you think because every time I'm like, okay, he's going to answer it like this. You never do. Like the idea of like asking yourself those questions is so important. Like a thousand percent. Because it's on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, but...

Look, I started Women of Impact Channel so that women never feel like they give their power away again. Where are the moments where we end up losing that control or losing our power and we never find it again? We spend the rest of our life feeling weak, unable to get back up metaphorically. And so I love the personal ownership. I love it because then no one can impact it except for me.

Look, I started Women of Impact Channel so that women never feel like they give their power away again. Where are the moments where we end up losing that control or losing our power and we never find it again? We spend the rest of our life feeling weak, unable to get back up metaphorically. And so I love the personal ownership. I love it because then no one can impact it except for me.

And so even the way you broke it down, I think for me, I would have given my power away to that person. How long are you going to take? When are you going to do it by? I thought you said you were going to do this, but you didn't just do that.

And so even the way you broke it down, I think for me, I would have given my power away to that person. How long are you going to take? When are you going to do it by? I thought you said you were going to do this, but you didn't just do that.

It's such a good technique. In thinking about change as well, the one thing that Tom and I do is if I'm trying to change something. So I used to say to him, like, you always or you never, right? I was very dramatic like that. And I realized it. I made a very conscious effort to stop. But when you've been doing it in a relationship for 15, 20 years, it's so natural. So I start changing my behavior.

It's such a good technique. In thinking about change as well, the one thing that Tom and I do is if I'm trying to change something. So I used to say to him, like, you always or you never, right? I was very dramatic like that. And I realized it. I made a very conscious effort to stop. But when you've been doing it in a relationship for 15, 20 years, it's so natural. So I start changing my behavior.

And it was like something like three or four months. I hadn't said it. I I caught myself every time. And then I go and accidentally drop it. And he's like, here you go. You go and do absolute. I'm like, you're right. I've been doing it. I haven't been doing it for four months and I just messed up. And he's like, what do you mean you haven't been doing it for four months?

And it was like something like three or four months. I hadn't said it. I I caught myself every time. And then I go and accidentally drop it. And he's like, here you go. You go and do absolute. I'm like, you're right. I've been doing it. I haven't been doing it for four months and I just messed up. And he's like, what do you mean you haven't been doing it for four months?

And so I realized, and we use this language with each other. It's like, I understand that your mental map of me hasn't quite updated yet. And so it's going to take time for his mental map of me to update. It's kind of a way of saying you may not have noticed, but I understand why. Yes. Because I think that's also on the other side, we blame them. I can't believe you ever noticed.

And so I realized, and we use this language with each other. It's like, I understand that your mental map of me hasn't quite updated yet. And so it's going to take time for his mental map of me to update. It's kind of a way of saying you may not have noticed, but I understand why. Yes. Because I think that's also on the other side, we blame them. I can't believe you ever noticed.

You said that you wanted me to do the dishes. I've been doing the bloody dishes for two weeks and you haven't even noticed. Now we get annoyed and we just give up.

You said that you wanted me to do the dishes. I've been doing the bloody dishes for two weeks and you haven't even noticed. Now we get annoyed and we just give up.

That's so good. Do you think a couple can recover from infidelity?

That's so good. Do you think a couple can recover from infidelity?

And where do you think people go wrong? Because there's two types of people. The person that leaves immediately, get that. And the person that stays in or just like keeps forgiving them.

And where do you think people go wrong? Because there's two types of people. The person that leaves immediately, get that. And the person that stays in or just like keeps forgiving them.

So you have to make sure that you're always showing me love, always showing me with affection so that I never have to deal with the emotion of the hurt that you've caused.

So you have to make sure that you're always showing me love, always showing me with affection so that I never have to deal with the emotion of the hurt that you've caused.

Most times I assume they're going to fake it or say, no, no, no, I'm never going to do it again. And maybe in that moment they really believe it. But the deep work that you're really kind of breaking down, I think really brings everything to the surface. So there's nowhere to hide and there's no miscommunication.

Most times I assume they're going to fake it or say, no, no, no, I'm never going to do it again. And maybe in that moment they really believe it. But the deep work that you're really kind of breaking down, I think really brings everything to the surface. So there's nowhere to hide and there's no miscommunication.

And I'm going to go back to I love that you're always saying like the personal ownership part of it, because. You couldn't control that they cheated on you, right? That's just freaking heartbreaking. But to be able to control how you navigate it afterwards, instead of waiting for them to show you, instead of waiting for them to say they're sorry so many times, I love that. It's so impactful.

And I'm going to go back to I love that you're always saying like the personal ownership part of it, because. You couldn't control that they cheated on you, right? That's just freaking heartbreaking. But to be able to control how you navigate it afterwards, instead of waiting for them to show you, instead of waiting for them to say they're sorry so many times, I love that. It's so impactful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So this whole talk is really about building your self-worth, putting the validation on yourself, not expecting it for others. What are like five daily habits that you actually suggest that somebody does in order to build their self-worth and make sure that they never settle in a relationship that isn't right for them?

So this whole talk is really about building your self-worth, putting the validation on yourself, not expecting it for others. What are like five daily habits that you actually suggest that somebody does in order to build their self-worth and make sure that they never settle in a relationship that isn't right for them?

That's so good, programming how you want to wake up. How do you make sure that as you're falling asleep, you're not falling asleep with a negative thought?

That's so good, programming how you want to wake up. How do you make sure that as you're falling asleep, you're not falling asleep with a negative thought?

Because there's actually one of the interviews that I saw you, I can't remember, it might have been with you and Radhi, where you said that when most of us are so busy all day that we don't give our brains a rest, we're go, go, go, and the only time we have a moment of rest is right before we go to bed, which is why all the negative thoughts come flooding to us right when we close our eyes. Yes.

Because there's actually one of the interviews that I saw you, I can't remember, it might have been with you and Radhi, where you said that when most of us are so busy all day that we don't give our brains a rest, we're go, go, go, and the only time we have a moment of rest is right before we go to bed, which is why all the negative thoughts come flooding to us right when we close our eyes. Yes.

So what do you do to make sure that the negative flooding doesn't come right before you go to bed?

So what do you do to make sure that the negative flooding doesn't come right before you go to bed?

That's so good. I'm actually going to start doing that.

That's so good. I'm actually going to start doing that.

Jay Shetty, dude, I could talk to you forever.

Jay Shetty, dude, I could talk to you forever.

Thank you so much. You're going on tour.

Thank you so much. You're going on tour.

Which is so exciting. Tell me about on tour. Where can people also buy tickets?

Which is so exciting. Tell me about on tour. Where can people also buy tickets?

You have inspired me, dude. You've inspired me.

You have inspired me, dude. You've inspired me.

It's so inspiring. And I love that you're trying new things. I love that people get to see you in person. And because you're in different cities as well, it allows other people that if they're in that city, they can go and watch you. That's so amazing.

It's so inspiring. And I love that you're trying new things. I love that people get to see you in person. And because you're in different cities as well, it allows other people that if they're in that city, they can go and watch you. That's so amazing.

Oh, my God. And if anyone wants to just follow you in general.

Oh, my God. And if anyone wants to just follow you in general.

There's only one Jay Shetty.

There's only one Jay Shetty.

People should be compassionate to themselves, but extend that compassion to your future self because truly extending your compassion to your future self is doing something that gives him or her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.

People should be compassionate to themselves, but extend that compassion to your future self because truly extending your compassion to your future self is doing something that gives him or her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.

This is an iHeart Podcast.

This is an iHeart Podcast.

Yeah, I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of what confidence actually is. Because they usually, and I was culprit of this when I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years, I thought I needed it to get started. And I thought I needed the confidence to live out my dreams, to actually go towards my goals, and I was waiting to have the confidence.

Yeah, I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of what confidence actually is. Because they usually, and I was culprit of this when I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years, I thought I needed it to get started. And I thought I needed the confidence to live out my dreams, to actually go towards my goals, and I was waiting to have the confidence.

And that I think is a complete misconception is what actually is holding so many of us back from trying anything. And what I realized was in my own journey, I actually just need to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure, not knowing what I was doing, practicing, practicing, practicing, you know, wax on wax off my favorite movie, Karate Kid.

And that I think is a complete misconception is what actually is holding so many of us back from trying anything. And what I realized was in my own journey, I actually just need to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure, not knowing what I was doing, practicing, practicing, practicing, you know, wax on wax off my favorite movie, Karate Kid.

and get so damn good that I build the competence to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the confidence is the byproduct of taking action. And a lot of us don't think of it like that. We think it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to get us to actually take that action at the beginning. And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I rethought of the word confidence.

and get so damn good that I build the competence to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the confidence is the byproduct of taking action. And a lot of us don't think of it like that. We think it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to get us to actually take that action at the beginning. And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I rethought of the word confidence.

And then also for me, confidence is like a muscle. Thank you. Thank you.

And then also for me, confidence is like a muscle. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Yeah, thank you.

I really think that for myself, I really struggled in believing in myself, in learning the skill sets that I needed to in order for me to show up and actually achieve my dream.

And when I look back at what were the things that were holding me back, it was A, just the messaging I got growing up as a young Greek girl that was told time and time again that my future was going to be, I'm going to get married, I'm going to have kids, the end.

And that literally was the story that I grew up believing.

And when I think about the life I could have had, how far forward I could have been if I didn't have a belief system that didn't serve me and what my life could look like, oh my God, I try not to like dwell on it.

But that's kind of the thing that's like, okay, that's the gift that I wish every woman had so that I didn't have to go through it.

And so that became my North Star.

And the confidence part was

It wasn't even learning the business itself.

I don't consider myself smart.

I was put in a special class for being mildly dyslexic.

So I really struggled the whole way.

But learning business, for me at least, was ABC.

You can read books, you can watch videos, you can ask questions.

The thing that I found the hardest was how do I get out of my own way, from my own belief system that I'm not good enough to get started in the first place.

And I think so many women struggle with that, and that's the catalyst.

So if you don't have the catalyst, you then don't actually end up going anywhere.

So in writing the book and really thinking about my story, I'm always thinking about where are women now?

Why do we get stuck?

And then how do we get out of that?

How do we build the confidence to speak up, to get out of it?

And I think that becomes the first step.

So we can teach business until the cows come home.

But if you don't believe that you're good enough to get started, you won't actually get started.

I was stuck for eight years.

I didn't think that I had the right, if you will, to speak up and say that I was unhappy because I felt grateful.

And that's almost the problem, if you will, with gratitude.

Gratitude can be beautiful.

It can really pull you out when something's becoming negative.

It can show you the light.

It can show you what

the positive side of things are, but it also can keep you exactly where you are.

And that's what happened to me is I stayed exactly where I was for eight years because I felt I had to be grateful for the fact that I had a husband that loved me, that I had a roof over my head.

And so when you use gratitude to hold you stuck, that's when it can become toxic.

And so for me, I had that toxic gratitude.

And it wasn't until I recognized that I wasn't living the life that I wanted.

I wasn't speaking up about it.

I wasn't talking about it.

So you have to recognize, number one, that you're not living the life you actually want.

That's just step one.

That's just acknowledging that you're not where your dream is.

And it's okay to say that.

And then secondly, what is actually holding you back from getting started?

And so for me, it was believing that I had the right to say I was unhappy.

Now, that was the first step.

Then just talking through with Tom, my husband, who I was taking care of for eight years, I had to make that change.

And so how do I tell the love of my life that I no longer want to take care of him, no longer want to cook for him, I no longer want to clean for him, but I need him to still know that I love him.

So the transition was step by step.

It was believing A, that I am worthy enough to say that I'm unhappy.

It's then coming up with ways to communicate with the people around you that you're going to change because not everyone's going to be happy.

Not everyone's going to like your change.

So you have to make sure that you're communicating with it.

You're not asking permission, but you're communicating with it.

And then it becomes, if you're building a business, what skill sets do you need to learn in order to grow the business?

Because who you are today is not the person that's going to run the billion dollar company in five years.

So you need to go, what skill sets do I need to adopt today that I need to do a stack in effect, if you will, that eventually allows me to be able to crush a business, build my career, et cetera, et cetera.

But it becomes these stepping stones.

And I think what people do is they want the confidence to get started.

And what you don't realize is the confidence is the byproduct of getting started.

And so if you recognize that, now what you do, one of my favorite movies is The Karate Kid, the wax on, wax off.

So what you do is you just practice.

You just keep waxing on and waxing off.

Once you do that, as you're building your skill sets, you then become competent and

And it's your competence that then leads to your confidence.

But if you're waiting for confidence to get started, you're in for a rude awakening that you will never actually get started.

Yes, such a great question, girl.

So in building Quest, over time, it was like, oh my God, imagine what happened if we have a lot of money, right?

So it's like the typical, like, oh my God, what are we going to do with it?

We're going to buy a house, et cetera.

But during those struggles, during those five years of falling and failing time and time again, as we're building the company,

we realized that we needed a mission.

We needed a bigger purpose than just money.

And now it becomes a common thing, right?

When we talk about mission and passion, but back then it wasn't.

And so at the time, it was just like, we need to tie ourselves to why we get up every day, because the second things get hard, you need that why to get you through it.

And so at the time,

Mother Teresa had said that not everybody's willing to fight for the masses, but everyone's going to fight for the one.

So what me and my husband realized is we need to identify and tie our self-esteem and our ego and our drive to something and someone that is going to help us get up every day.

Now, my mom grew up with her being borderline anorexic, and then she became morbidly obese.

So you can imagine, as Quest is building and things are getting hard, I'm going back to, I'm doing this for my mom.

I'm doing this for my mom because I want my mom to be healthy.

I want my mom to live forever in an ideal world, right?

So I'm waking up every day as we're building Quest with that in mind.

My husband comes from a morbidly obese family, so he's got his mom in his head as he's getting up every day.

Okay, flash forward now.

We use our moms as our why, as our mission, get up every day.

Flash forward, company gets announced as a billion dollar company.

We then sell a portion of it.

And it's a lovely, hefty portion.

So we're in our garage.

And we know that the money's about to come in.

Now, like anything, until the money hits the bank account, nothing's guaranteed.

So we're sitting there, me and my husband, we're refreshing, refreshing his phone, right?

On his bank account.

And it's like, refresh, refresh, refresh.

With one more refresh, my life changes forever.

Like ever.

I don't ever have to work again a day in my life.

In that moment, we celebrated.

I took a selfie photo.

We kissed each other on the lips.

And then we got ready and went back to work.

So we went back to Quest.

That same day, we didn't tell a soul.

The only people we told were my parents and his parents.

Now, why?

Because we were so tied to the mission.