This Is How You Finally Leave the Toxic Relationship | Najwa Zebian PT 2 (Fan Fav)
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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welcome back my homie to part two of this amazing conversation with my homie Nezra Zobain the absolute queen of healing and embracing change and if you thought part one was so freaking powerful well we're gonna go even deeper and even more mind-blowing into understanding why choosing to leave a toxic guy can actually be so challenging and how you can stop waiting for someone else to save you and actually finally choose yourself instead. And today we're going even deeper to talk about why you must actually resolve your childhood traumas to get out of the survival mode. We then, are you ready, talk about why you should actually take things personally and how it's different from blaming yourself.
We actually debate this and I actually found it so interesting. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And finally, we then go into why you should never, ever, ever, ever negotiate your change. Let me repeat that. You should never negotiate your change with people who want you to stay where you are. All right. I think you're the point. And now let's dive in. I'm your host, Lisa Bilyeu, and you're listening to Women of Impact. Let's go.
How do you recognize self-abandonment signs in a toxic relationship?
As we're trying to mold ourselves to be something, right, that's obviously a very big sign for ourselves of like, hey, maybe this isn't the right person because you're changing yourself to fit them. That's, I think, huge. I think as we do that, we change. you've said it already, we abandon ourselves and we start to lose who we are, which then prevents us from speaking up when something doesn't feel good, from having the strength and the confidence that we've built. And as you go deeper down that relationship, it becomes harder and harder to speak up, to wave the flag, to then pivot, because then you've molded yourself so much into being who they want, you no longer, you said it earlier, and I use the phrase like, how do you like your eggs?
You no longer even know how you like your eggs because you just turn to the other person. Yes. And a big sign of that from my own experience, I realized it was when things were very problematic in my... This was before I met Tom in my earlier relationship. I realized that I wasn't telling the people that I care about what was actually happening. I wasn't telling my mom. Yeah, you start hiding things. You start hiding things. And that is another sign of that you're self-abandoning and that you're not actually... absorbing, I think is the truth. I wasn't absorbing the extent to the verbal abuse that I was getting. I was just hiding and shying away from it. And it wasn't until in my adulthood that I started talking about it in public that my mum came to me.
And my mum was like, You never talked to my mom, knew him. Right. So I would bring him home to meet my mom. You know, I was 16 at the time. And my mom was like, you never told me. I thought you guys were great together. And I said, mom, it's not your fault. I chose to not speak up. And the reason was, is that I knew that if I spoke up, I had to address it.
Yes, exactly. You know that if you say it now, you have to do something about it. just like with that cycle we just went over, you know that if you choose the other option, which is to not accept this bad treatment and to not go down the road of the judgment and the shame and making excuses and whatever, the other option is that you say this is over. And so when it's over, everything kind of comes out in the open and it's this big messy thing that you don't want to deal with. When we are secretive, we don't tell the people that we love about a toxic relationship that we're in. Again, you need to be compassionate with yourself. Don't judge yourself for staying quiet or for covering up for that person.
You're doing it to protect yourself because there is a fear somewhere that if this relationship doesn't exist, that something's wrong with you.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–1:27
2
How do you recognize self-abandonment signs in a toxic relationship?
1:27–13:26
3
Why does secret-keeping prevent you from leaving an abusive partner?
13:26–35:01
4
How are childhood traumas linked to repeating toxic romantic patterns?
35:01–48:13
5
Should you negotiate your personal change with family who resist it?
48:13–1:01:41