2839: Reframing Rejection: Getting Rejected Doesn't Always Have to Hurt by Michael Davidson with Tiny Buddha on Emotional Resilience
episode
Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting
7 min
2 speakers
3 chapters
transcribed 2 months ago
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This is Optimal Relationships Daily. Reframing Rejection. Getting rejected doesn't always have to hurt. By Michael Davidson with tinybuddha.com Quote, Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. That's by the Dalai Lama. When I entered college, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to be an actuary, just like my sister. Judy had just graduated and she loved her job. My sister and I are very similar. Both of us are math nerds, for example. So I knew I would love it too. While my school didn't have an actuarial science major or any formal preparation for the career, I was able to get ahead, passing the qualifying exams at a rapid clip. And just as I was supposed to, I got a prestigious internship at a big consulting firm the summer after my junior year.
Life was good. I loved my internship, I was being paid handsomely, and I was doing well, as indicated by my performance review. When the summer was over, all I had to do was wait for the call, the job offer, and I'd be set for life. That was the plan, at least.
What personal story illustrates how rejection can lead to opportunity?
Of course, things never quite work out as planned. So, when the phone call eventually came, it wasn't with a job offer, but rather the only rejection out of our six-person internship class. While it was disappointing, I knew that with my great qualifications, I would get an offer from another big company. In fact, I had connections at some competing firms, which I was sure would lead to another comparable job. I did everything I had to do. I interviewed perfectly, and no one else who was interviewing for the same positions had passed as many exams as I had. Yet somehow, I wasn't good enough. By Christmas, I'd gotten rejected from every single company I'd applied to. I wasn't sure how to feel. Of course I felt pretty bad.
But then I kind of didn't. You see, I was never able to study abroad in college. My roommate spent five months living in Jerusalem, and I was jealous. Suddenly, I was presented with the opportunity to remedy my number one regret. And now, nearly a year later, I'm living in Netanya, Israel, teaching English and having a great time. Out of rejection came a wonderful opportunity for me. Perhaps I'm just lucky. I certainly am grateful for the way things turned out. That being said, there is a mindset behind turning rejection into good fortune, and that mindset can be developed. Does rejection always have to hurt? Who says rejection always has to be painful? You've probably been so concerned with avoiding rejection that it never occurred to you that it can sometimes be a good thing.
Maybe you approached a girl and she didn't give you her number. What if she would have been terrible for you and you saved yourself a lot of trouble by not talking to her again? Maybe you applied for a job and didn't get it. What if you would have hated that job or would have been selling your life away? As you can see, the idea of rejection is not as clear cut as you may have thought. Here's a novel idea. Stop looking at everything as success versus failure, or acceptance versus rejection. Instead, see every situation as an opportunity to see what happens and get some feedback about the world. You'll always get some feedback, so you can't possibly get rejected. What to do if you've been rejected? You won't always be able to reframe your rejections quickly and smoothly.
The fact is, you're going to experience hurt feelings or negative emotions in these types of situations. When this happens, you need a fast-acting toolkit of mindsets to adopt and actions to take in order to minimize these negative emotions and get back on your feet. So remember, number one, don't take it personally.
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