Pardon My Take
NFL Week 12, Fastest 2 Minutes, The Commanders Lose A Stunner To The Cowboys, Eagles Roll And Who's Back Of The Week
Mon, 25 Nov 2024
NFL Week 12. We start with fastest 2 minutes. We then recap every game from Sunday (00:00:00-00:10:07) Cowboys 34, Commanders 26(00:10:07-00:34:57) Titans 32, Texans 27 (00:34:57-00:44:09) Vikings 30, Bears 27 (00:44:09-00:54:49) Chiefs 30, Panthers 27 (00:54:49-01:02:40) Dolphins 34, Patriots 15 (01:02:40-01:17:32) Lions 24, Colts 6 (01:17:32-01:23:28) Bucs 30, Giants 7 (01:23:28-01:32:09) Packers 38, 49ers 10(01:32:09-01:40:39) Broncos 29, Raiders 19 (01:40:39-01:51:41) Seahawks 16, Cardinals 6 (01:51:41-02:00:49) Eagles 37, Rams 20 (02:00:49-02:14:30) We finish with who's back of the week. (02:14:30:01-02:29:01)You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/pardon-my-take
Chapter 1: What happened in the Cowboys vs. Commanders game?
To play free for a shot at the $1 million top prize only on DraftKings, the crown is yours. Today is Monday, November 25th, Week 12.
some spread let me be the first to wish you and your family a very happy thanksgiving we start in the windy city where jordan addison ray was red hot tick-tocking around the field past the bears defense minnesota kept finding the end zone when jalen nailer hardly even know her tige little guy humor there scored in the second quarter.
Long Island Ice TJ Hawkinson exposed a lot of really bad decisions by the Bears coaching staff, but just when you thought it was over, Caleb Williams, Roshon Moreno-Johnson for a touchdown, and the Bears took it to overtime where John, don't call me Tony, Romo sealed the win for the Vikings. Vikings 30, Bears 27. Whoop, whoop.
Over to New York where Tommy Danny DeVito got beaten by the Mayman. Ah! Fighter of the G-Men. Ah! Throwing blocks on downfield runs. Master of Italian hand gestures for everyone. My man. Mike Evans' bacon was getting six degrees of separation from defensive backs as White and Tucker both scored. The first time a White Tucker has prominently featured since Silence of the Lambs.
The Giants love the lotion on its skin or else it cuts the hose again. Bucks, Dirty, the Giants, 7.
We head down to Houston where the Texans got in the holiday mood, starting the scoring with a touchdown to Cade Stover, top stuffing into the end zone. The Titans were rolling until Jimmy Ward-Manuel flipped the game and it looked like the Bryce was right for the Texans, but not so fast as Irish Chig... Oh, Conquo.
Oh, Conquo.
Dancing in the end zone, conquering the Six Flags and Seven Nation Army of Texas. C.J. Orlovsky sealed the deal as he was unable to color between the lines, stepping out for a safety dance. Titans 32, Texans 27.
We go to the nation's capital where D.B. Cooper Rush has hijacked the Cowboys' season, escaping with hundreds of thousands of dollars. Kevontae Turpentine took the polish off the Commander's season after he did a whap! and ran 99 yards for a touchdown.
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Chapter 2: How did the Titans defeat the Texans?
Russell Wilson runs like something's up his booty. Cleveland wins. I forgot the score because it was Thursday night, but Jameis deserved a song.
Snow football. Snow football. Snow football. Something romantic. There's something that makes you feel good about the world when there's snow and football on TV and you watch it in Turkey.
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Okay, week 12 in the books. Crazy weekend. We thought it was going to be Sunday. We were like, oh man, these games kind of suck. A lot of big point spreads. But we had chaos.
That was the most chaotic witching hour of the year.
Yeah, well, most chaotic like 10 minutes. It was basically that ending 10 minutes of both of our games was just made no sense. So we should start with the Cowboys 34, Commanders 26.
I'm glad that we're starting with this because I feel like I got to get some things off my chest and it's more productive if I speak on them now than if I hold them in. So there's two facets to this game I want to discuss. One is the play on the field. I'll get to you in a second, Hank. The Commanders aren't a very good football team right now. The offense looks disjointed. It looks like chaos.
They look nervous, panicky on offense. This might be the Kingsbury cliff. That happens, seems to happen every season. I don't know. The first three quarters and like 90% of the fourth, the offense couldn't really do anything. Looked off schedule. A lot of drops again. Six drops again today from our wide receivers. I think what's happening is we're just not a very good football team.
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Chapter 3: What were the key moments in the Vikings vs. Bears match?
Yeah, the Cowboys were dead going into this game. The Cowboys had $100 million in cap space on IR going into this game.
Yeah, and then they also left some people at home. They said, like, don't bother making this flight. Just hang out. Watch on your couch. So I thought that this should be a game that we should win and win decisively. Our offense looked bad. Our defense didn't look great. We managed to make some weird shit happen in this game. Brennan Aubrey missed a couple kicks. Edwin Block blocked a punt.
And, yeah, it was the Cowboys. They had a blocked field goal attempt, a blocked punt, a missed field goal attempt, and two fourth-quarter kickoff returns for touchdowns. Yeah. The special teams was crazy in this game.
Yeah, there was two missed extra points in addition to that.
It was a bad, boring football game for most of the game, too.
And then there was 31 points scored in the last three minutes and two seconds.
Yeah, so watching the first half, I said, was like watching a drunk man try to build a car. And then the final five minutes was like watching that man drive that car. It was insane. Insane ending to the game. The last five minutes, I felt like I was out, back in, out, back in, out again. There were kickoff returns for touchdowns. Credit to Turpin for hitting the spin move from hell against us.
Yeah. Kavante Turpin, who like, you know, he dropped the ball and it looked like he was going to get just killed for, you know, at the 10 yard line, hits one spin move and then just finds a seam and is gone.
I feel like dropping kickoffs and punts is actually a good thing more often than not. Yeah. It's like every time you see a guy flub it initially, something good happens to them. And I blame Sam Schwartstein for reinventing the kickoff policy of the NFL. I stand with President Trump when saying that the new kickoff looks disgusting. Bring back the old one.
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Chapter 4: How did the Chiefs manage to win against the Panthers?
And then Austin Siebert goes out there and pulls one left. And then I yelled at Hank.
excuse me i yelled at hank the first time after the touchdown after after the turpin spin move because i could tell no no no no no no no no you don't get to you don't get to reframe this no i mean i know i'll state the facts no no no no i want to hear the facts i want to hear what he has to say live i was in the room so i'll tell you if they weren't facts
Okay, go ahead, Hank. There was no animosity. Then PFT in his state of jubilation after the touchdown, it wasn't enough for everyone to high five him and pat him on the back. Like, oh, great.
I got left hanging.
He turned around and goes, fuck you, Hank. You're mad right now. You're mad. Again, these are out of nowhere.
I'm not letting you reframe.
We have the clip. I know. No, no, no, no, no. That happened.
Yes, that happened. But this is where Hank gets you with the details, and he tries to screw you all up. So he doesn't get to reframe this. I'm over here trying to take accountability.
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Chapter 5: What went wrong for the Dolphins against the Patriots?
I was smiling.
I'm taking accountability for my bad team's bad performance. We're not a good football team. Our roster's not that great. I was excited. We were overperforming the expectations early in the season. Now I will tell you.
We're talking about one game.
We're talking about this game. The Commanders are just not a very good football team. Okay, so I want to get that out there. I'm telling you, we're not good. Fraud alert, yes, I will accept those charges, whatever the case may be. What Hank did, I could tell throughout the fourth quarter based on Hank's reactions to things that he, for some reason, was rooting against the commanders.
And I noted that. I made notes of that. And then when Turpin had that touchdown, I could tell he was excited about that. That's why when Terry McLaurin scored that touchdown. I looked at Hank and he had an oh shit smile on his face. Like I have to pretend to be happy, but I'm not actually happy. That's when I told Hank to politely suck my dick.
I love football. And that was one of the greatest football plays I've ever seen. See, this is a lie. This is a lie. Was it not? Which one? The kick return. Yeah, that was pretty sick. Like I reacted and I was like, that was sick because it was sick. It was sick. For only that reason. It was, yeah.
I wasn't, again, I wasn't like, fuck yeah, Cowboys. I was just like, that was sick.
Nor was I like, oh, fuck.
I made little tiny mental notes.
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Chapter 6: How did the Lions dominate the Colts?
You're allowed to say that.
But you did say it.
But then you made a sneaky bet and then denied.
It wasn't a sneaky bet. When did you make the bet? It's on DraftKings. When did you make it, though? You can follow all of my picks on the DraftKings betting group. I'm not hiding them. When did you make the bet? Two weeks ago. I'll look up the exact date.
So it was when PFT still thought they were going to make the playoffs.
Which they still very much could make the playoffs. And also, at the same time, Hank was saying that he might put a bet on the Cavaliers to win the Super Bowl.
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Chapter 7: What was the outcome of the Bucs vs. Giants game?
I also... I also have the commanders to win the Super Bowl. So what is it? I bet that on November 5th, when I thought they could do it.
Okay. All right, so Hank.
I thought they could do it. Then I watched them almost lose to the Bears, and then I realized they're just not that good. And so on November 14th, I bet them not to make the playoffs. At the same exact time, I bet the Patriots to make the playoffs.
The sneaky bet aspect doesn't come from you making the bet. It comes from you acting like I'm crazy and I'm attacking you for no reason. It was. For accurately understanding where your heart was in this game. But I wasn't rooting. I wasn't outwardly rooting for it. You were trying not to, but you were. I picked up on it.
We have the clips. I mean, we can review. We can do all 22. There was... Because I really didn't care one way or the other.
You weren't outwardly rooting? You were inwardly, like, mincey rooting for it? Like, I was just sitting there. It was more just like you turned around and was like, you're mad, you're mad, you're mad.
I was like, what? What?
You were upset. I picked up on that. I was smiling. See, your little whispers and everything. So, Hank, since you care deeply about the listeners. I do. I also do care very deeply about the listeners. And I hope that they enjoy whatever rollercoaster we're on. I thought about a hater bet to contradict Hank's hater bet. But a bigger hater bet simply doesn't exist. Okay. Than what Hank has done.
It's impossible. I'd have to make my own bet.
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Chapter 8: How did the Packers handle the 49ers?
Celtics don't make the playoffs. It would crush me.
I'm not going to do that. Okay. But I do care about the listeners. So I decided to release the Drake May Lighthouse shirt. Now, we can't sell the shirt because it's graphic. But what I would like to do is I would like to drop the graphic for the Drake May Lighthouse shirt. And then if any listeners make their own shirts, I will choose five of them and give them $100 cash.
That shirt shouldn't be released. It's not released. Oh, we can't sell it. No, I know. The graphic shouldn't be released. It's quite unsettling. It is unsettling.
Yeah, I mean, you're a sick mind for making it. You're holding it in my head forever. I don't really care when you release it. It's an indictment on you for releasing it, so that's fine.
Okay.
And coming up with it. I think it was a group effort when Hank said we sleep in May. I can't remember...
I had nothing to do. I promise you that.
I'm uncomfortable with the graphic.
I mean, like I said, you're going to hold it over my head forever, so it's like, just release it.
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