Chapter 1: How does Michelle Wolf balance parenting and her career?
How old is your baby?
I have a five-month-old and a three-year-old. Ah, and they're both? They're both in London, but the one is just downstairs.
Right.
Because I'm still breastfeeding, so he has to just come along.
So is there a chance we're going to get interrupted?
No, he should be okay.
He ate the whole way in the car.
I don't have a problem with that.
That wasn't me getting angry. Yeah. No, no, no. He had done it in mid-anecdote when a child needs his mother.
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Chapter 2: What challenges does Michelle face with her children's sleep routines?
Europe's nice, isn't it? Europe's nice, and I love comedy in the U.K.,
Yeah, so you come over, work, and then go back. Do you ever do comedy in Spain?
I do. There's a great little comedy club in Barcelona. It's called the Comedy Clubhouse. I should say I'm a very small percentage owner of a clubhouse. I think it's one or two percent. I'm really breaking it in. I mean, it's a great little spot. English language. English language, yep. In the middle of just a little 90-seat... small room. Oh, nice. It's perfect to work stuff out.
So I go up like once or twice a week there. Oh, wow. So, you know, work on the hour and then I come over here and... And you bring the kids over? Yeah. Yeah. I have a place here in London as well because it's just... Between hotels, like once you get like, you know, I have the kids and the people who help me with the kids and then also sometimes my mom because she helps with the kids.
Yeah.
And so then... So then you have like three or four hotel rooms. And by the time you're doing that for any period of time, you're like, I might as well just rent a place and not have to take a large suitcase.
So are you touring in America or is it more UK you're touring?
Right now it's more UK. Potentially we'll go back to America this year and tour. You don't want to do it? I don't really want to do it. If I'm being honest, I don't really want to do it. Also, I have, okay, maybe this is too much, but I have both of my nannies are... they have Spanish passports, and they speak Spanish.
And there's part of me that's worried if I go over to America, they'll be with my kids outside speaking Spanish, and ICE will surround them. It could happen. And then first of all, I don't want them to get taken away somewhere.
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Chapter 3: How does Michelle's husband contribute to parenting?
You know, because of all the Trump stuff. And they're like, but you're actually funny. And I'm like, you don't have to say it. You could just say you liked the joke.
So are your kids Spanish?
Well, they're born in Spain, but they have an American passport.
And what's their first language? English.
Well, the one she's kind of in between, she's learning both. That's cool, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, if she also learns Catalan, which is like the Barcelona language, then it'll be, it'll really, I think, I don't want her to learn it because I don't want her to speak a language that I can't understand at all. Because then I feel like she'll be like... You know, like a whole nail salon situation.
She'll be talking about me in front of me.
Yeah.
In a language I don't understand.
And you speak Spanish?
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Chapter 4: What unique parenting experiences does Michelle have living in Spain?
Yeah. But then, like, you know, for the most part, I kind of just, like, go in right away when I get home because... So you're all in the same bed, all three of you? We're all in the same bed, and... And what are the kids?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're fun, they're fun, they're fun.
They sleep with me there. We have a large bed and we use a very small part of it, which annoys me to no end. I'll be kind of breastfeeding on this side and then my toddler will be wrapped around me on the other side. She's an obsession with my belly button. She'll just play with my belly button. Oh, how's that? It's terrible. It's a nightmare. It feels, at first you're like, that's not bad.
And then after a while, you're like, that is, it's like, it makes my skin crawl.
Are you trying to stop her?
I sit in the calmest way possible. Sometimes I'll be like, get off! And then other times I'm really trying to teach her, be like, I don't like when you do that. It feels bad when you touch my belly button. I do not like it. You cannot, if you touch people and they say, I don't like that, you have to stop. And if someone touches you and you don't like that, you can tell them to stop too.
And she's just like, If my shirt lifts up at all, she's got like a beeline laser focus for my belly button.
I can't bet. The thought of it makes me want to heave. Anyone touch my belly? What do you like with your belly button? I was just touching my belly button then thinking it isn't pleasant. You're right in there though, aren't you? Why not? Even me doing it to me, I'm like... Are you into it then? No.
I don't like it. That's the first time in my life I've engaged with the thought of it.
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Chapter 5: How does Michelle manage her stand-up comedy schedule with family life?
It's the movement. It's the kind of... She's using it as a fidget toy. Oh, will that happen at night? Yeah.
Oh.
It's like, I don't know, you know how, well, I have a friend, her son used to have a session with elbows and to like fall asleep at night, he used to just rub her elbow. I've heard of that. Yeah, and it's like that except my belly button. It's like that except much more intrusive.
I would love it to be my elbow.
I would.
What you'd give for that?
Sometimes I put my, I'm like, hmm, this is nice. Have you ever felt that bit? Yeah, yeah.
i used to squeeze my dad's um you know like on the knuckles of the finger yeah sweet like squeeze out and it just stays there like that i used to do that to my dad's knuckle quite a lot see i find that quite fun no elasticity yeah it doesn't go back does it it feels weird after a while it does yeah yeah how late in life did you do that when did i do that i've never stopped yeah i'm still going go around going for a quick visit in the knuckle squeeze
But no, I think when I was little, you know, when you're little, your parents' hands are all so massive, aren't they? Yeah. Look at these big hands. But I've stopped doing that now.
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Chapter 6: What cultural differences in parenting does Michelle observe between the US and Spain?
Yes.
Are you getting much sleep?
Not really. At the moment, it was going well. With my three-year-old, when she was an infant, she nursed all the time. Even when I was sleeping, I was just a pacifier. So this baby is like, he's such a boy. He eats and then he rolls over and farts and falls asleep. He's an old man already. And that was lovely because I was like, great, he's asleep and I'm not attached to him.
And now that he's getting a bit, he's a bit older, I feel like he wants to eat more at night. So he wakes up a little bit more than he was He was before.
And how long did you breastfeed the youngest? Sorry, the oldest?
Two years and a couple months.
Yeah, so that's a long time. And then going into another, it's like a lot of your body being used by someone else.
I've been pregnant or breastfeeding.
Before we get to the belly button.
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Chapter 7: How does Michelle handle the pressure of public recognition as a parent?
So don't listen to this. Never listen to this episode. You don't want to yell at them because they don't understand that it's torture. It's a lot of your body. It's a lot of your body being... I woke myself up Because I was dreaming that I was like, there was birds on me. And I woke up going, stop. And I was hitting my body. And it was just because my daughter was trying to belly button me.
Oh, really? And I was like, oh, my God. I'm having like stress issues. Oh, God.
It must be so overwhelming having your body being used and touched all the time by... It's difficult because it's not like you go, well, there's lots of books about how you end breastfeeding, but there's not many books about how you end having your belly button touched.
Right. It's not a weaning situation. You can't be like, here, have some milk in a cup instead of my belly button.
The addiction is to the action rather than the... It's just a, yeah, oh. I don't think we have to throw addicts around. Oh, I think you've got a problem here. I think the Betty Ford clinic might be. I think she needs to go cold turkey on belly buttons completely.
You know, I've thought about wearing like a one-piece bedding suit.
Yeah, like a kind of 80s aerobics instructor.
Yeah, just something she can't. Like in the summer it was great because I was wearing a swimsuit a lot. So she couldn't get to my belly button as much.
Yeah. what a sentence we're like we're parenting most people like routines key and king for you you're constantly moving around and I say if your husband's flying around working a lot and you're with the nannies so do you just sort of roll with it and see what happens or do you have a routine with the kids or is it each day's a different day when you're touring
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Chapter 8: What insights does Michelle share about the complexities of modern parenting?
I mean, they're, you know, especially because, you know, here in London, we all stay together. So, yeah, I mean, I think I hope they like me.
And when you're doing tour shows, are they coming to the... So say you're in... Let's go through your tour dates.
Say you're in... Because, you know, now you can come in if you need to breastfeed or whatever. But if you're doing a gig and a show, really, you can't. Will, can you or do you interrupt the show for that?
I haven't. So I will. Once I start touring, the new one will be over six months. So he'll be able to have kind of like some water and food and stuff. So it won't be as intense.
super necessary to keep him as close by yeah um never had to interrupt a gig for it no um they have been in the green room before uh but so say june the 11th when you're in swindon yes the wyvern old faithful doing the best job in the world tell us about the show Best Job in the World is a show about how maybe motherhood is not the best job in the world.
Oh, there we go.
But also just about society. I think a little bit of the thesis statement I have is that society is not made for women. And we've kind of contoured ourselves to fit in. But also... I don't think society's made for men either. And you guys are having a hard time.
Do you know what? Genuinely, premises on stand-up shows very rarely interest me. I buy into that.
You've just done what other people do in our comments.
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