Chapter 1: What humorous stories about playground escapades are shared?
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Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Finn.
Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe?
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Chapter 2: How do the hosts introduce the concept of 'Playground Shaggers'?
Josh Widdicombe. All that.
There we go. That's very cute. Hi, Rob, Josh, and Michael. Love the pod. Been listening since before we had kids. This is my little boy, Finn, saying your name's age 2.5. Two and a half. He's now nearly three and has been joined by his not-so-little baby brother, Ted, in March this year, weighing, wowzers, 10 pounds 5 ounces. That's a whopper, isn't it? That's a whopper.
I'm originally from Cockermouth. Come on. Go on. But now live in Kendall. And we were at Rob's infamous Kendall gig.
I feel harsh on the Kendall gig because I do slag it off a little bit. We enjoyed it despite the knobhead heckler. Thanks, Hannah. Was there a knobhead heckler? I can't remember. I don't know. It was Sunday night in a leisure centre and then someone was having a go.
That Kendall leisure centre is hilarious because you can see the basketball hoops while you're performing.
Yeah. And like... I just think when I'm performing, I see basketball hoops. I just don't know if I'm in the right place. I know.
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Chapter 3: What scandalous affair led to a teacher's dramatic exit?
It's wild. You know what I mean? It's wild.
Rob. Yeah. We don't do enough correspondence. We always discuss this.
Yeah. Also, I'm wearing a France shirt because I'm excited about the World Cup. Beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So are you going? No. I'm working and it's Lou's birthday, so we're busy with that kind of stuff. But no World Cup matches for me, but I've got the sticker book. How are you going to approach the World Cup as a dad?
Yeah. Right? Because let's keep it on brand. So from what I'm aware, and I haven't looked into it deeply, correct me if I'm wrong, the kickoffs are from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m., something like that?
Yeah, so it's a bit difficult because back in the day, this would be perfect for me as a jobbing comedian because you basically finish work. I'd go on Earth if I weren't touring. But 9 p.m. is my bedtime now. Yeah, well, 10 o'clock's mine. So there's games on at like silly o'clock. That one's 3 a.m. and 8 o'clock. So there's games late.
But I think I'm going to do it on a game-by-game basis because, sure, you know, like Netherlands, Japan, 9 o'clock. I'm all over that, Josh. I don't know about you. I'm like bang up for that. But in certain games, you know, you shouldn't have favourites. Take me through the first. First five games. Well, I'll be honest with you. Am I staying up till 3am to watch Canada play guitar? No.
If I wanted to watch that level of football, then I'd just go to goals in Elmer's End.
Do you know what? I'd stay up to 3am to watch Johnny Marr play guitar, but certainly not Canada play guitar.
So first game is Mexico, South Africa in Mexico at eight o'clock on Thursday, 11th of June.
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Chapter 4: How did a delivery driver become involved in a workplace romance?
Exactly. What are the other ones? What's the one that goes at the seesaw? Oh, so you're thinking of that kind of playground. Let's get your arse sore on the seesaw. Yeah. Surely the playground is the school playground, isn't it? Here we go. This is a Playground Shaggers special. If you're new to this, it's basically... And you've probably left. Just be honest.
You're not still here. It's been an awful opening.
Yeah. Oh, talking about an awful opening. Michael, I'm sure Michael had tied it up. Anyway, this is basically stories from school playgrounds where parents and teachers and stuff have got too close. Hey, lads. I went to school slash college with a boy. Let's call him Dean. During high school, his dad had an affair with Dean's mum's mum. Sorry, sorry. Say that again.
So sorry. It's always so difficult, this, isn't it? Your shagging Rose's mum. Yeah, I know, but can we get on with the show? Oh, there we go. There we go. That's lovely stuff. There we go. So the dad is shagging his mum.
Yes, so Dean's nan became his step-mum. No way. At parents' evening, all three of them would turn up. Well, they got together. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Not just I could pump and dump, this was a lay and stay. Oh, my word. At parents' evening, all three of them would turn up like the extremely dysfunctional family they were. Why does the mother-in-law need to come to that?
The step-mom, and this isn't to have a go at step-parents, but I think if you have got together with your daughter's partner... Yeah. It's bare minimum polite to just let, just not turn up at parents.
Keep your nose at the curriculum and shove it up your daughter's ex-husband's arsehole. Is that what you're saying? Not in so many words. That's what you're saying. Josh, if that's what you're saying, that's what you're saying, yeah? If that's what I'm saying, that's what I'm saying. Mr. Saturday night, I can't do any of that. No, I've got to be the edgy one.
Yeah, the tabloids, you can quote me on that. Beckett's rude. Tell you what, there's going to be loads of crude retort stuff, aren't they, now that you're going to... Oh, my word, Rob.
We're going to be misquoted every week of our lives forever.
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Chapter 5: What unexpected twist occurs with a teacher's roses?
If that converts into streams, fucking kerching, quote me as much as you fucking want. I'd sniff anyone's arsehole for a few more dollar.
I think if you have an affair with someone and then get together with them, you know, what the heart wants, the heart wants, right? But I think you've got to go, okay, what's the least awkward way of approaching this? Do you know what I mean?
I just think there's other women out there that aren't my mother-in-law. Yeah, exactly. That's what you've said to her every time. I say, Teresa, back off, babe. You're a wonderful woman, but I just don't shit where you fucking eat. sleep and drink. Oh my word. Imagine this. This is hot off the press. Imagine this. Sounds like your new podcast. Welcome to Imagine This by Josh Whitaker.
A badger, but it's human size and it's riding a bicycle. Imagine this.
Thank you. That's the end of Imagine This for this week. See you next week. That's quite a good idea for a TikTok channel. Because in my head, the badger's really hunched and got tiny little arms. But quite aerodynamic because he snaps up one of them helmets.
So you could say imagine this, and then four people would discuss how they're imagining it. Yeah. And then you draw it. Yeah, that he's got a basket, and he's kind of like a kind of Frenchman delivering bread. That's how I'm imagining it.
No, my one's like proper, he's trying to go as fast as he can. He's doing the Tour de France. Yeah, yeah, he's really, and he's got a really tight green, yellow jacket on. Yeah.
Like he's leading. How do you imagine it, Michael?
For the record, Michael, it's a false, it's a human-sized badger riding a bicycle. Is that it, Josh?
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Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to a listener's shocking story?
Right. And we'll just quickly imagine them for you in the middle. But Michael, what happens when you talk for the video, by the way? Because obviously I haven't watched it back because I'm not fucking insane.
It's just us, isn't it, listening? I was actually going to film a series of cutaways of me sat there, but with like differing masks and helmets on. So you never get to see my face. But one time I've got a Daft Punk helmet. Yeah, another time with my Darth Vader.
yeah yeah that's nice but at the moment is it just us talking and listening while you talk back if it's in the studio then it's as wide shot so it looks less weird and if it's like this i'll cut between whoever looks less weird out of you two listening So Josh. Yeah.
I tell you what is a question. Imagine this. If we were pouring the money into the socials in a kind of, we, we, those pictures would have been drawn on the screen as we were saying them. Do you know what I mean? They'd be like coming up and we'd be like, go onto our Spotify now because that that's coming up and I can see it now.
And it'd be coming out of our mind in a kind of thought bubble, but we're not doing that. Right. Hi, Rob and Josh. Literally last night, imagine this, my wife and I witnessed two playground shaggers being exposed at a school quiz night. No. Oh, my God. Also, this is signed anon. Let's be honest, that... Well, they're going to know. They're going to know.
During the interval, one of the school mums on the table next to us went to the loo. Oh, no. Her husband clearly thought she'd be gone for a few minutes and started texting one of the other mums who was also at the quiz. This feels needless from him. I guess the loos are all occupied or maybe she wanted to catch him out. No, that's not going to, surely it's occupied.
As the wife came straight back, stood behind him and read the text messages over his shoulder.
Oh, my God. Jesus fucking Christ. So it feels like the wife is sort of aware that he may be messaging someone else, so ducked out, came straight back to check.
I think she's probably got a hunch and then she's come back. I think she's come back and she's seen an opportunity. I don't think she's thought, I'll lure him in with the toilet chat and then catch him. If I wanted to read someone's text messages, I wouldn't creep up behind them. I think... I presume, I know Rose's password. I could easily look at all of her text messages.
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Chapter 7: What lessons are learned from the tales of infidelity?
She started screaming at him and at the other mom who was on the other side of the room. Yeah. So the other side of the room looking panicked. The husband tried to grab his phone back. Needless. Your phone's gone. The horse has bolted. You can't get the genie back in the bottle.
But she wrestled it off him, ran up to the husband of the other woman and showed him the screen, yelling that they were having an affair and that she'd suspected for ages.
Oh, so the other husband's there as well. So it's not a single woman. She's married as well. Yeah.
Oh, it's disgusting, isn't it? The woman he'd been cheating with ran out of the room crying and the other mum chased her, followed by a load of her mum friends who were trying to calm her down.
Do you know what's the best about these situations? If you're really close to it, it's obviously very sad and horrible because there's two people that you know that are having a terrible time. But if you're a few, don't really know them that well, maybe your kid's in a different year, you're sat there with a pint going, this is the best school quiz night I've ever been to.
Yeah, of course.
Raising money for the PTA and this level of drama is absolutely first class.
Of course. Quick, they're crying. She's crying. Look, and the mates are chasing. Do you know what? I'll chuck another tenner in. the two husbands then started squaring up to each other. Oh. I think if, once again, if you're the guy having the affair, I don't think you can square up to the other guy.
You've got to go. No, my greatest fear is confronting someone that's fucking my wife and then them beating me up.
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Chapter 8: What final thoughts do the hosts share about relationships and parenting?
They shape the stories you carry long after you've left. Start your story in Scotland this spring and surround yourself with blooming scenery, fresh air, and farm animals making their grand debut. Josh, can I tell you something I love about Scotland? Please do. And it's going to shock you. Go on. We know how beautiful it is. We know the people are great. Oh, it's glorious. I'm into the food.
Are you? Talk to me. You don't think of it straight away, but when I was in Glasgow and Edinburgh, yeah, they do all the Scottish stuff, obviously. However, they also do... The curry. Like nowhere else I've been.
I'd say it's the foodiest country in the UK. It's so good in Scotland. I think about this a lot. I went to Loch Ness. How serene I felt on the edge of Loch Ness. I love the highlands, Rob. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, Rob. Pick a home base and explore from there. Deep dive into the local food scene. Explore striking landscapes and discover deep history around everything.
every corner it's easy to get to easy to navigate and full of warm people who'll make you feel right at home start planning your own scottish holiday today at expedia.co.uk slash visit scotland
There we go. Do you want to do the next one, Rob?
Yeah, that was great. I love these. Thank you for sending them in. Please keep me anonymous. I grew up in the 70s slash 80s, back when every estate had its own cast of characters. And as it turns out, the occasional scandal worthy of a soap opera. Ours involved the Avon lady and the football pools man. Well, that's taken me back. Did you have the football pools?
We didn't have a guy coming round, no. We had a village lottery syndicate, but we didn't have a... Sorry, I didn't know you was in a twee ITV drama.
The syndicate. Where ordinary folk have an extraordinary day. Yeah. What shall we do with the millions, Arthur? Well, the pot plants could do the refresh, couldn't they? where friendship and community means more than money. ITV, this summer. Yeah, and then one of them gets murdered. Yeah, for the money.
Yeah, my mum was an Avon lady, and then we had the football pools man, and there was a candy, do you remember the Candice man? Candy man? You say his name three times. No, was it the Candice magazine? You come around, the Candice magazine? Am I making this up? I don't know. Michael, who used to come around your house for stuff? We had the Paul's Man, Avon Lady, the Candice Man.
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