Passion Struck with John R. Miles
The Moment You Choose Yourself Again w/ John R. Miles | EP 699
05 Dec 2025
Chapter 1: What is the moment you choose yourself again?
Coming up next on Passion Struck, there comes a moment when it hits you. Simple, brutal, and life-changing. No one is coming to save you. No one else gets to choose your energy, your boundaries, your healing, or your future. That truth can feel like a free fall until you realize it's also the first day of the rest of your life. Welcome to Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Myles.
This is the show where we explore the art of human flourishing and what it truly means to live like it matters. Each week, I sit down with changemakers, creators, scientists, and everyday heroes to decode the human experience and uncover the tools that help us lead with meaning, heal what hurts, and pursue the fullest expression of who we're capable of becoming.
Whether you're designing your future, developing as a leader or seeking deeper alignment in your life, this show is your invitation to grow with purpose and act with intention. Because the secret to a life of deep purpose, connection and impact is choosing to live like you matter. Hi friends, and welcome back to episode 699 of PassionStruck.
I'm your host, John Miles, and today we're talking about the turning point that changes everything, the moment you choose yourself again. We're deep into our new series, The Season of Becoming. This week alone, Susan Grau showed us how to rebuild after loss, and Ann Libera reminded us that becoming is an improv act, messy, playful, and brave.
But here's what I need you to hear underneath all of it. None of the tools, yes, or insights matter until you make one decision inside your own chest. That decision that says, I'm done waiting. I'm done shrinking. I am worthy of my own investment. I choose me again. That single choice rewires how you show up in relationships, work, confidence, everything.
So if you've ever felt stuck, burned out, or like you've been living someone else's version of your life, this episode is your permission slip to come home. One quick favor before we dive in. If PassionStruck has ever lit something up in you, hit that share button and send this to one person who needs to hear it today.
And if you're ready for the workbooks, reflections, and community that go deeper, come join us on my sub stack at theignitedlife.net. Last thing, If you haven't left a review lately, a quick five-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify means the world and helps new listeners find us.
All right, let's talk about why we abandon ourselves in the first place and what it actually feels like when you finally stop. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Look, nobody wakes up one morning and says, you know what? Today, I'm going to throw myself under the bus.
It doesn't work like that. It's death by a thousand tiny cuts. You swallow one no. You let one boundary slide. You tell yourself, it's fine. I'll deal with it later, about 400 times. And then, on some random Tuesday, you look around and think, wait, whose life am I even living? It still looks like your house, your job, your people, but it doesn't feel like you're in there anymore.
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Chapter 2: Why do we abandon ourselves and shrink to fit others' expectations?
If you want to reflect on it with me, come share your thoughts over at theignitedlife.net, my Substack community where we go deeper into these conversations every week. And before we continue, I want to tell you something I'm incredibly proud of. I just announced my first children's book, You Matter, Luma.
It's a story about a little bunny who feels too small to matter until she discovers her light changes everything. It's a story about belonging, empathy, and self-worth, the same themes we explore in today's episode. And when you pre-order, you're helping bring this message of mattering to families everywhere. You can pre-order now at Barnes & Noble or visit umatterluma.com to learn more.
Now, a quick word from our sponsors. Thank you for supporting those who support the show. It truly helps us keep bringing you conversations that matter. I still remember the moment I realized something was off. I was drinking more water, trying to be healthier, but I kept feeling off. Low energy, brain fog, strange skin flare-ups. First, I blamed stress until I dug deeper.
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Take the guesswork out of pure, great-tasting water with this exclusive offer now at Aquatru.com. That's A-Q-U-A-T-R-U dot com using code PASSIONSTRUCK. You're listening to Passion Struck on the Passion Struck Network. Okay, here's what nobody tells you. Choosing yourself isn't a cute little affirmation. It's a full system reboot.
And once that decision lands, even one time, your entire life starts rearranging itself around it. Let's break down exactly how. When you stop abandoning yourself, the first thing that comes back online is your energy. Why? Because self-abandonment is one of the biggest energy leaks in the world. Every boundary you don't hold drains you. Every yes you don't mean drains you.
Every time you silence yourself drains you. When you choose yourself again, that leak stops. You feel it the same day, like someone finally plugged you back in. Your body literally goes, thank God, we're finally telling the truth. You see, confidence isn't something you chase. It's the byproduct of keeping promises to yourself. It's saying, I can count on me. And here's the beautiful part.
Your brain believes the actions you repeat. Do it once, spark. Do it twice. Fire. You keep doing it. That's a new identity. You don't become confident. You stop betraying yourself long enough for the confidence that was always there to come home. And that's when your intuition gets louder. You see, you've been ignoring that gut feeling so long it went quiet.
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Chapter 3: What are the four core patterns of self-abandonment?
Your soul stops whispering and starts yelling, hell no or hell yes. And for the first time, you don't argue. Next, your relationships either level up or fall off. And thank God, when you stop being a human doormat, some people lose their minds. The ones who loved easy access to you will throw a tantrum. Let them.
These are the mosquitoes in your life that I often talk about and wrote about in my book, Passion Struck. The bloodsuckers. the invisible suffocators, the pain in the asses. However, the right people, they breathe a sigh of relief because they finally get the real you. You stop attracting emotional vampires and start attracting humans who can handle the full wattage.
And then there are opportunities. Most people think opportunities show up when life gets better. Nope, opportunities show up when you get better aligned. Choosing yourself, again, recalibrates your decision-making. You start noticing openings you used to ignore. You pursue things you used to talk yourself out of. You walk away from things that were draining you. Doors don't open.
You finally stop standing in front of them. And when you choose yourself again, you stop living the Thanksgiving leftover life you drifted into and you start living the life you consciously are building. You stop reacting to everybody else's script and you start writing your own damn story. That's when becoming actually begins. So yes, choosing yourself again seems small at first.
It feels private. Sometimes it even feels scary. But the ripple effect is massive. One decision, one moment where you say, I'm done abandoning me. That's all it takes for everything, your energy, your confidence, your relationships, your future, to start reorganizing around the truth of who you are. So we're getting to that point of the episode where I'm starting to wrap this up.
And I'm not letting you leave without a very specific, very simple assignment that will change everything if you actually do it. Okay, stop. Stop waiting for the perfect moment, the big dramatic overhaul, the day you wake up magically fixed. That day is never coming. Choosing yourself again doesn't start with quitting your job, leaving your marriage, or moving to Bali.
It starts with one little hell no moment today. I'm giving you five moves that are so stupid simple, you have zero excuse. Do one, do all five.
just do something before the weekend ends number one one boundary not a fence around your whole life just one brick pick the thing that's been pissing you off for weeks the favor you always do the conversation you dread the person who dumps their drama on you all the time today you say hey that doesn't work for me anymore You don't need a PowerPoint. You don't need to be mean. Just say it.
Text it right now while you're listening. I'll wait. Done? Good. That tiny little sentence just put you back in the driver's seat. Number two, one glorious life-giving no. Look at your calendar, your phone, your to-do list. Find the thing that makes your soul deflate the second that you think about it. Say no to that. No, I can't make it. No, I'm not available. No, period. Say it today.
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Chapter 4: What does it mean to stop outsourcing your emotions?
You've been Passion Struck. Now go start the revolution.