Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits. You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do. If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone. In today’s episode, we’re asking the question: Are you letting sx happen to you… or are you a active participant during it? We’re also talking about this from a male perspective: What does it feel like to be the only one initiating or guiding? Do men want their partners more engaged—and what does that even look like? Whether you’ve never taken the lead before, or you’re just looking to feel more empowered and participatory, this episode is your permission slip—and your how-to guide. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: Why so many women default to passivity in the bedroom What men actually think about women taking the lead Questions to ask your partner to open up this convo What “taking control” can look like—without the pressure Simple ways to be more confident and engaged in the moment 🔗 Links & Resources 🔥 The Art of Initiation — our most-loved guide for learning how to confidently initiate intimacy → http://vmtherapy.com/initiation ✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
No persons identified in this episode.
This episode hasn't been transcribed yet
Help us prioritize this episode for transcription by upvoting it.
Popular episodes get transcribed faster
Other recent transcribed episodes
Transcribed and ready to explore now
Reflecting on 2025 & Looking Ahead to 2026: Did Seamus Hit His Goals?
26 Nov 2025
Between Two Beers Podcast
Müllproblem Energiewende – Wenig Recycling, verlorene Rohstoffe
26 Nov 2025
Das Wissen | SWR
Bitcoin Crash | Sorare, anatomie d'une chute | Trump/Mamdani génie ou piège politique ?
26 Nov 2025
Silicon Carne, un peu de picante dans un monde de Tech !
S&P vicino al record, la nuova Fed | Morning Finance
26 Nov 2025
Black Box - La scatola nera della finanza
What’s the deal with eels? – Lucy Porter, David Righton and Caroline Durif
26 Nov 2025
The Infinite Monkey Cage
Thanksgiving Day NFL Preview, Stavros Halkias Talking Ravens, A-Rod And His New Documentary, Week 13 Sunday Picks And Preview
26 Nov 2025
Pardon My Take