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Pitch Side

BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show BEST BITS

29 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 19.675 Tom Garratt

Thank you to Double and also thank you to myself. I was going to say thank you to them. No. No. Thanks to myself because I'm the best. I'm the winner. You got it, buddy. You're a frigging loser, G. I was close, though. I almost had you in the first half. You only got close because I gave you the chance with the two extra points. Yeah, but also I was like seven ahead at one point.

0

19.695 - 20.476 Unknown

I don't know what happened.

0

20.536 - 38.877 Tom Garratt

Do you know what did happen? The Admiral just never came back after a while. Who? The Admiral. Who? I buried him. But thank you to the Admiral for sponsoring us all season long. You guys are the real Gs. You stick by us through thick and thin. And also thank you to the guys who didn't skip the Aboriginal season. But the ones who did... Skip this one, so there's no point.

0

39.078 - 43.743 Tom Garratt

The ones who did, I'm going to find you and you're not going to like him.

0

43.763 - 47.605 Unknown

They're not watching this. No, no, no.

48.209 - 69.671 Tom Garratt

God, I'm so glad this is over. Yeah, make sure you do download Double Over the Summer, though. There's the World Cup. There's darts. There's horse racing. There's loads. You can still use Double. You can still get in the banter route. You can use the rocket. You can use all the free bets. Make sure you do it. And then we are going to celebrate good times. Come on. All right. I am the champion.

70.092 - 107.905 Tom Garratt

Give me my trophy. And, boys, don't worry. We have a great episode of our best bits this season. Yeah, but as I say, boys, it is the North London derby. It is a spicy one. Arsenal versus Spurs. Both really need a win. And believe it or not, the prediction show, thanks to you boys, back home, and gals, we're big enough to actually have a live interview with Arteta right now. He's in studio.

107.925 - 109.287 Tom Garratt

So, Arteta, how do you see this game going?

109.848 - 141.487 Unknown

So, what you have to remember, let's fucking go. We come home to the Tottenham and we f**k them right up the a**hole! Comprende? Comprende? And Arteta, thanks for that. What do you say about the sexual allegations regarding Wynn the dog? So what you need to remember is whether you have the fox or the rabbit. Dry. Penetrate the fox. Okay. Or the rabbit. Okay. Brilliant.

Chapter 2: What are the predictions for the North London derby?

162.477 - 167.521 Reev

Toot, toot. Play away. Take it on the fucking pussy bees, man. The buzzy bees.

0

167.842 - 169.406 Tom Garratt

Very well pointed there, Brian.

0

169.888 - 174.541 Reev

Well, moving on to Newcastle. Newcastle.

0

176.847 - 180.377 Tom Garratt

Newcastle, more like poo castle.

0

184.576 - 200.392 Reev

No stars today, Lawrence. Newcastle have dropped 16 points from winning positions this season. Having won one of their first eight away games, losing seven. Brentford have now won three of the last four on road. And they can't beat you after the game.

200.433 - 209.021 Tom Garratt

Now, what I'd like to say, Brian, is the problem with Newcastle is they need to score more goals.

209.262 - 212.665 Unknown

The fuck do you know, you cunt?

212.685 - 231.06 Tom Garratt

That's what she said. What a silly prick. Am I right, guys? I'm glad the kickoff's back. I'm not glad you're back. No, I think we are the pinnacle. We are the godfathers, and this is great. I've seen lots of laughter out there in the world, but we're back, mate.

231.1 - 238.007 Lewis Bowden

They're not laughing at you, though, are they? Oh, no. Because there's no stars today. It's just... You're going to do it. No stars today. You're going to do it.

Chapter 3: How does Arteta envision the game against Tottenham?

241.17 - 245.734 Unknown

You're going to do it. Yes. Doing great. I'm going to do it. Doing great. Yep. You're going to tell him.

0

246.997 - 261.318 Tom Garratt

I'm going to go with a fucking... Brian, you're looking very strong these days and very intimidating. And I hope if I come across you and you have seen these skits... Shut your fucking mouth, pet. And if you've seen these skits in real life, I hope you don't break us in two.

0

261.358 - 263.581 Reev

Shut your fucking mouth, you fucking rat fucker.

0

265.124 - 274.337 Tom Garratt

I'm going to get fucking mortal with the lads. Me and Scotty T in the fucking town. Now, I actually really love Eddie Howe.

0

275.752 - 278.475 Unknown

I'm going to say it's going to... Fuck!

278.635 - 280.337 Reev

Fucking hell, man! Get on with it, man!

280.357 - 283 Unknown

2-1 Newcastle.

285.763 - 290.028 Tom Garratt

That was fucking annoying. I was going to go with that. And I'd like to go and result that.

295.274 - 315.696 Reev

Fucking... I'm going... I'm going... I'm going... Fucking hell, man, I don't... I don't fucking... I didn't even know, man! I'm going to go... 3-2 to that tone. Going to do it. Doing great.

Chapter 4: What are the challenges Newcastle faces this season?

513.134 - 514.075 Theo Baker

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

0

515.056 - 543.642 Tom Garratt

Oh God. That's made me, I hate stuff. We need to rub that off the board. I hate that. Yeah, I'd probably not do that ever again. Oh, well played though. You did well. That was very good. I mean, realistically, mate, this is probably the biggest game of the weekend. Have you heard, though? What? It's good news. What is it? For the Blues. Why? And there's no more time to lose. No. Stop.

0

543.723 - 549.469 Tom Garratt

Because we're hot. What? On the trail. Fuck off. And there's no way we're going to fail.

0

550.25 - 562.783 Theo Baker

So get your cool on. Get moving. Because there's no fucking way we're losing. So come on, go out. Get down to Gunnison Park. Woo!

0

562.803 - 562.883

Woo!

568.398 - 582.582 Theo Baker

So Everton versus Fulham.

584.585 - 619.244 Tom Garratt

I'm going to go with- And now watch me play. You can't do that every week. Every, not every week. Not every week. Surely you're confident with this, even though you played midweek. Of course I'm confident. And Wolves are the most informed team in the league. Some people in the league, right, everyone has a star man. Right. You know. He's a star man. Man United have Bruno Fernandes. Yeah. A rat.

619.344 - 643.461 Tom Garratt

Yes. Don't call him that. He's a nice lad. Is he? Nah. Chelsea, they have Palmer. You don't need to do the impression, mate. Lewis, you don't need to do the impression. I'm called Palmer. Lewis, you don't need to try and get rid of a chin. I'm called Palmer. Lewis, I promise you. Newcastle, do you know who we have? I'm going to go with Jacob Murphy.

647.609 - 661.894 Unknown

I sentence you to conceded goals.

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