Regular Features

617: A Big Ol' Mind Flush

10 Apr 2026

Contributed by Lukas

This week Log discovers audio books, Steve's had a camera up his arse and Gav could do with a camera in his brain. DISCLAIMER: the hosts of Regular ...

616: Scream If You Want Bill Oddie's Tubby Toast

18 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

What's that in your mouth? Drop it! Give it here. Oh, it's an episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Log gives Bill Oddie his flowers,...

615: Robot Uncle Merkel Carer

03 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

This episode of Regular Features is funded in part by the British Associate of Uncles (BAU), because if it's not your mother's brother, well what the ...

614: Quiet Little Trash Boy

09 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Hello this is the news. In the past hour United Nations has announced that we have flopped through a temporal squirmhole into the rotten Time Dimensio...

613: Lumps, and the Men Who Have Them

16 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

To listen to this podcast, you must solve a riddle: What goes on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening? Stumped? T...

612: The Ramblemas 2026

07 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

2026! The future! What will it bring? Cool-ass sunglasses probably?? According to the thumbnail of this podcast - yes! But also, here's another edit...

611: Krangle's Secret Foot Thing

24 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Yuletide, I'll tide, we'll all tide, for yuletide. That's the Regular Features promise to you, on this, the most Jesus day of the Formula 1 race calen...

610: Bees Behaving Badly

17 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This one was recorded in person so we got 1. very excited and 2. very naughty. No presents for us this year hahahahahdds

609: The Four Elements - Bees, Horses, Eggs, Crabs

28 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I'm sick! I'm so sick! I'm being sick! *BLUUURGH* I just vomited out Joe's will! *BAAAAARF* Oh, out comes some Google reviews Steve saw! *GLOOORP* And...

608: The Buerk Ultimatum

16 Nov 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, something's got under Steve's skin, something's got out of Log's bottom, and something's threatening to explode in Joe's mouth. It's ...

607: Scan My Secret Big Boy

26 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Do you think Pliny the Elder and Pliny the Younger ever had a magic act where Pliny the Elder would climb into a big wooden box with whatever the Lati...

606: Slinging Fish on the Beach

09 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

I really have to encourage you to listen to this, because Log makes a whimsical guess during the second feature and it's honestly astonishing stuff. E...

605 - Money, Speed And Scandal

30 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

When she saw me running backwards and forwards and getting confused, shouting "oh no I can't organise my thoughts because I'm running backwards and fo...

604: Normal Irishmen in the Microwave

18 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Oh my goodness, you STINK. Get in the bath immediately. I cannot BELIEVE how often I have to scrub the stink off of you in this bath. Urgh, first I ne...

603: The Bus That Couldn't Remember His Name

12 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Take a little pinch of Regular, and a heaped teaspoon of Features. Pre-heat the oven. Sorry I was supposed to tell you to do that first. Unpinch the R...

602: Rocky DCII SUBTITLE Freezin' My Dolemites Off

18 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Oh, it's a bad day to be a dolemite! But possibly a good day if you're a children's book or someone called "Rocky Balboa".

601: Proud Beethoven Chairs

09 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome back to Britain's LEAST acclaimed podcast. It's Regular Features, gab nab it, and it's the only podcast on the web as far we know. In this ep...

600: A Normal Hot NIght

30 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We can't believe we're the first ever podcast to reach Episode 600. Feels a bit weird tbh. But thank YOU, dear readers, for supporting us all these ...

599: Scandalous Bird House

19 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Whaaah it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm sure. Who me? Whah ah am the most readily scandalised debutante in all of Mississippi. A single ...

598: Luton Candy Pig

26 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Open wide, it's time for podcasts. In this episode, Joe recounts the story of a man who drove his car into where a multi-storey car park wasn't, Stev...

597: The Uncles and Birds Special

03 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Whether you're looking for the hottest new magpie or the latest dad's brother, the Regular Features podcast is your one stop shop for all things birds...

596: Ryan Coogler Bebop Bugler

26 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Hello and welcome to the only podcast that is "Regular Features". In this episode, Joe samples forbidden chlorinated delicacies of the new world, Rya...

595: Galactic Pantry Mystic Murder

12 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome back to the Regular Features podcast, the only podcast that enters your dreams every night to chase you around a big hedge maze. And when you ...

594: Big Smoky Porcupines Hit Tinkletown

30 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's another quiet day in the Regular Features stock market today, and OH MY GOD THE FEATURES INDEX IS CRASHING. Put in a big buy order for Log talkin...

593: Eighty Litre Grief Hole

23 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Mmm, we have just baked a delicious episode. Now to leave it cooling on the windowsill with all delicious smell lines coming out of it. We hope there ...

592: BAFTA The Future

14 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This week we preview the 2025 Video Games BAFTA Awards one whole week after they've been announced. How did we manage such a time-bending feat? We're ...

591: Bingo Bango, It's the Double Twoboy Tango

31 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Four podcasters, two pairings, one episode. Joe and Gav face off against Matt and Log in a barely conceived concept episode. Do not adjust your set, b...

590: Spider Gobblin' Flamingos

18 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Log is up for a BAFTA, which looks like you're SHOUTING it because it's an ACRONYM. For the sake of making each of our features sound...

589: Snins of Our Features

03 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Hi, I'm Joe Skrebels. I just want you to know that I downloaded the public domain image used as art for this episode of the podcast before I realised ...

588: Rock vs Electric

24 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to Regular Features, the only podcast that's been clinically proven to be both big AND clever. In this week's episode, teenage Steve gets a ...

587: Mavis Beacon Teaches Bonka Bonka

17 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Are you a victim of shiny ham? Did you think it was like shiny beef (which is fine), ate it, and your hands fell off? Then are we the legal team for y...

586: Goosegate Horsefly

11 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Hello, my name is Betty Boop, the owner of the Regular Features podcast. I am 95 years old but still as sprightly as a bag of Tennessee pickles. Teehe...

585: Three Better Men

02 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This week Bobby Williams' monkey movie has a grip on the Regular Features boys however one of the lads refuses to be caught up in the zeitgeist and ha...

584: Whooping Hoof Heraldry

26 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

New year, new you? No! Old year, OLD YOU. Open up those earholes and let us slither on in again, like you always do. Change is for the weak. Continuin...

583: The Rambuary Spectacular

15 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This year instead of our annual Ramblemas Special, we bring you the inaugural Regular Features Rambuary Spectacular.

582: It's a Box of Oats

29 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Come and get your oats, mother. I have prepared the oats for thee. They are in the garage, mother. I have set the oats on the floor, behind the Citroe...

581: It's Oat So Quiet

10 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I'm uploading this from America, which means that you should now be seeing Coca-Cola streaming from the USB port of your phone. That's free Coca-Cola,...

580: Well, Well, Well.

03 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week Joe has a bone to pick with Gav and it's nothing to do with the fact that Gav saw King Charles the other day and didn't spit at him. Matt al...

579: Tostada Toilet Playground Cats

21 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Hello, this is an episode Regular Features. Please remain seated until your group number is called. In this episode, Log's friend Wolf Blitzer dispens...

578: Fresh Prince of Hilaire

29 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Log gets a cease and knock-it-off from the estate of a former member of house of the England parliament of the member of the right ho...

577: Wicker Enya Nessun Dorma

16 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Horpen up your gorp and slorp it orp, friend, it's a new episode of Regular Features, the podcast that just won't stop. If we stop doing it, we die! ...

576: Carrott and Stick

09 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Autoglass repair? Okay cool, yeah I'm into this. I'm buying what you're selling. I'm picking up what you're putting down. A repaired windshield, well ...

575: Come Come Cotswold Cradle Curse

29 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It's another episode of Regular Features, the podcast named "top result" by Spotify when you search for Regular Features in the podcasts section. In ...

574: Legal Sky Eggs

16 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Uptown girl? Yeah, last I heard she's been living in that uptown world. At least that's what everyone's been saying. Apparently she comes home at all ...

573: Bring Cigs

04 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Readers! No! Get away from that. You can't have that, it's poison. It's poison to readers. You wouldn't like it. In this episode, Steve got a mpox ja...

572: Paiging Sleepy Waymo

22 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We do our best, and so do you. Good. Good you!!! In this episode, Steve talks frankly too much about his trip to America. And Log embarks on a missio...

571: Olympic Tate Gas

11 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We can't keep meeting like this!! In this episode, Joe wonders what would happen if you did a wet space in orbit. Log ponders on Andrew Tate's beauti...

570: Thank Goodness You're Richard Simmons

05 Aug 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Knock knock, open wide, see what's on the other side. Knock knock, any more, come with me through the magic door... of Regular Features! In this epis...

569: Big and Sticky

29 Jul 2024

Contributed by Lukas

And where do you think you've been these past four weeks? Think you can come slinking back into our lives like nothing's happened? That things would b...

568: Cruisin' for a Susan

30 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

I scream. You scream. We all scream. And for what? What was the point of all that screaming? This ice cream? This lowly creeeaam? Pfft. I don't see wh...

567: Yummy Mummy Pope Juice

14 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Wets here! Get your wets. Fresh wets. Only the finest wets. Just came in this morning. Low low prices. Affordable wets for the family. You sir, want w...

566: Time Cop Captain Stag

02 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Excuse us, we got hoovered into a big tornado but we're back now. In this episode, Joe does a feature all about Steve's stag do. Log does a feature a...

565: Gun Up the Bum, No Harm Done

11 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This week Matt, Steve and Gav drank precisely 4 pints of lager and got into a room to record a podcast together. What is this, 2013??

564: Wide, Wide Nathan Jones

03 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

If you don't know what we're talking about in your episode, that's actually on you, because you haven't done the research. Joe's discussing his very p...

563: Dua Lipa Cherry Pie

23 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

JUMP! For my love. JUMP IN! And feel my touch. Please, wife, you have to jump now before it's too late. The cruise ship is sinking and this is the las...

562: How Three Became Two

16 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

"Stop, Children, what's that sound?" Let me stop you right there, Buffalo Springfield, because I think I know the answer to this one. "That sound" is...

561: Vegetariana Lasagne

07 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Well, I ate the whole thing. Shrug emoji! In this episode, Joe brings us to the aid of an ailin' 'n' flailin' maestra flautist, Gav discovers a hidde...

560: Shrivelle Dudders

01 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Did you know that the famous advertising slogan "got milk?" was almost something very different? Originally the tagline for milk was going to be "gimm...

559: Jedward's Waxy Funeral

25 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We're back! Sorry we've been away for a while, it's because we are actually dead now. Yeah we died. Sorry! In this episode, Matt sees a waxy head in ...

558: The Blackpool Magic Convention Tax Write-off Special

09 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Joe and Gav are now fully fledged magicians and they took their latest trick to the Blackpool Magic Convention to see if they could fool some fellow c...

557: Helen Degenerates

22 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We can't keep meeting like this. In this episode, Joe finally brings Great British advertising to the hallowed American Superbowl. Log slips into a H...

556: Condor Wallpaper Vapes

03 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Here at Regular Features, we like to barge our way through old hotel doors and stumble into the room to find nothing but an open window and a flutteri...

555: Swings and Roundabouts in Shrewsbury

26 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

They say you can't get better than a Kwik Fit fitter, but I once saw a Kwik Fit fitter walk through a plate glass window in Letchworth Garden City. If...

554: Nothing Compares 2 Worms

18 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Excuse me? Excuse me. Please may I be excused. You must excuse me now. Oh no I've excused myself into my shorts. That's your fault, that is, actually,...

553: Guess a Guy

10 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Can YOU guess a guy? Find out in this week's episode! While you come up with your answers, here's what else: Log reflects on turning 50. Steve has a...

552: A Ramblemas Special Yes Please

03 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We love you readers. Happy new year.

551: Secret Airborne Delights, Just £45!

23 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If your Christmas tradition isn't playing this podcast at full volume, directly into your nan's increasingly ecstatic face, then we don't even want yo...

550: A Groom With A View To A Kill A Mockingbird

19 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is a public service announcement. Thousands of horses die needlessly giddy every year. That's why you should always tell your horse to "giddy dow...

549: Ronnie's Floridian Locker Disaster

02 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Oh, don't go into that cupboard. Don't you dare open *that* cupboard. You won't like what we keep in *that* one. Oh no, no, no. That's where we keep t...

548: The Wretched Tale of the Cuckoo Bee

23 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you have the hiccups, here is a tried and tested method for ridding yourself of the condition, cited by over one hundred old wives. 1. Stand on a ...

547: John Smyth's World of Hammers

19 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When all you've got is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Stuck in traffic? Nail. Deadline to meet? It's a nail. Hungry? Better believe that's...

546: Snitches Get Witches

10 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Gather round, gather round. No stop, that's too much gathering. Disperse... A little more... A little more. Well now you're far too dispersed, aren't ...

545: The Haunted Hobbit Yard Sale

05 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Steve tells the terrifying tale of a coupla big city teenage dirtbags who finally get what's coming to them. Log learns the exact s...

544: Live at The Canal Cafe Theatre (again)

26 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week we return to The Canal Cafe Theatre for a live show! Because it's live, we might sound a bit shitter than usual or refer to something we ca...

543: Take Off Your Jorts And Shacket

19 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Log rediscovers his love of music by ordering vinyl records from a spooky owl, and Joe is smitten with thyssenkrupp's floating aeropl...

542: Curly Wurly Wolfy Blitzer

02 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Shopping list: - 2 beans - 2 kilos Freddos - A egg - One feature about a traffic stop in Candyland - One feature where Wolf Blitzer can identify Frie...

541: A Series of Very Very Tiny Features

21 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You've heard of good podcasts, now get ready for fast podcasts. That's right, in this very special and speedy episode of Regular Features, Joe, Log ...

540: A egg.

08 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You are in a egg. Oh it is such a big a egg. But you want to be free of a egg. You crack open the tippy-top of a egg. Oh! It is so bright! It is so fr...

539: Dogs Kissing (Very) Badly

05 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I'm hungry so this will be a short description. In this one, Joe fixes some (very) badly behaving dogs. Steve invite us for a sleepover with "the ki...

538: The Republican Primaries

28 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You can keep your Emily Maitlises and your Frost/Nixons, because Regular Features is finally pivoting to hot hot politics. In fact, we are the only po...

537: My Name Is Little Lord Fauntleroy

20 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is dedicated to the legendary broadcaster Michael "Champ" Parkinson, whom we love. Joe processes his grief with a feature about Lord Fa...

536: Squash My 6 Music Bear

11 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Hey, you know how a demure Helen O'Connell asks Dean Martin how he likes his eggs in the morning (in the hit song "How D'ya Like Your Eggs In The Morn...

535: Introducing - Bushel de Groot

03 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

bushel [ˈbʊʃ(ə)l] NOUN, BRITISH A measure of capacity equal to 8 gallons (equivalent to 36.4 litres), used for corn, fruit, liquids, etc. Definite...

534: Well If It Ain't Transparent Elon

26 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was letting Joe smell the well again, putting a picture of a transparent mouse in front of Steve, and giving ...

533: Pardon Clive's Pepsi

18 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode of Regular Features, Log's been playing the hip new rocket propelled grenade Final Fantasy 16. Steve's been caught dumping aspartame i...

532: The Crombinators

08 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

If you can't handle me at my hurdy, you don't deserve me at my gurdy. In this one, Steve heads underwater to discover treasures untold. Joe comes hea...

531: Suckin' On My Towels Like You Wanted Me

26 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Who wants to hear a podcast about a gym botherer and a towel muncher? And also with a dash of tooth lover??

530: Coop on the Roof

05 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Left with a Succession-shaped void where his guts and arse used to be, Joe takes the hit HBO series to the West End where it always belonged. And Lo...

529: Stag Don't

26 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This week's episode comes directly from Joe's Stag Do. A stag do is where boys go to do podcasts, and we highly recommend it, especially to you, MISSU...

528: Would You Like Beans With Those Sausages?

19 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Think of a breakfast meat. Now think of a member of the royal family. You were thinking of Black Pudding Camilla weren't you? No? Oh right, then you m...

527: Dog Piss Cowboys

13 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Come, come inside my fortune telling tent young man, or is it young woman? My wizened old crone eyes can't see too well these days. What... "crone"? N...

526: Crab Rangoon's Piss Wars

03 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

I am REALLY gassy right now. Log does Mandalorian via Pussy Pals. Steve does meat of the week. Matt been stench in p*******. God, I am so gassy.

525: The British Kebab Awards 2023 Special

19 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Here it is! Somehow Joe and Gav got invited back to the British Kebab Awards to report from the frontlines on all the going ons from the biggest night...

524: Roger Baba Helmer Dook

10 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Hoik up your britches and join us in the Regular Features tide pool, but mind you don't step on a hermit crab or one of those cool wet slugs. They wer...

523: Zumbido, The Gladiator of Time

04 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Right on the heels of Episode 522 - it's Episode 523! 522 has ducked into a back alley in an attempt to escape the inevitable, but 523 has locked on...

522: Pretty Flyting For A White Viking

25 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

No, it's not the Kebabbies episode just yet. That meaty boy is still percolating in our collective guts, and it will come blasting out at you when you...

521: Someone Left The Cake Out With Bourdain

02 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When you wish upon a star, does it come true? It hasn't for me, so far. I'm only asking to test the "makes no difference who you are" hypothesis. I me...

520: ABBA Kebabra

24 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Do you think they added the "and decorator" bit to "painter and decorator" because people kept accidentally booking watercolourists to come in and do ...

519: The Last of The Dorito Retweets

13 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma'am. Yes, thank you for participating in the annual whamming and bamming contest. Now who's next. Wham! Thank you sir, but I'm...

518: The Blue Tick Game Pitch

03 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Hello, this is your phone speaking. I just wanted to say that it's real nice and cosy inside your pocket. I bet you thought I'd say it stinks of coins...