Regular Features

219: Angry Baby Assassinations

01 Dec 2016

Contributed by Lukas

We recorded this one much later than we usually do. Do you think it's better or worse? It doesn't matter either way because it's happened now, so....

218: Welcome to the Parliamentarium, Lady

24 Nov 2016

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Log and Steve are joined by Sarah Morgan, who is a woman, a fact that did not escape us as we neglect...

217: Transatlantic Trumping Times

18 Nov 2016

Contributed by Lukas

We got a man in Japan and a man on the streets of the US of A to try and make some sense of this crazy world.

216: The US Election Special

10 Nov 2016

Contributed by Lukas

This podcast was recorded the night BEFORE the US election, so you can listen to it and go back to a time before the world turned to darkness and ash.

215: The One Shot Egg Stroke... In Space!

04 Nov 2016

Contributed by Lukas

You've just downloaded an audio recording of a man gifting masturbatory eggs to his friends in a busy pub in London, you absolute deviant. I'm calling...

214: Breathy Pissing Pals

27 Oct 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Joe started out trying to make the podcast better, then just invented a better podcast. Steve and Log feel events from their lives have been stolen b...

213: Debobble Onion Bladder Chatter

20 Oct 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Steve heroically soils himself on public transport in a graceful act of raw and empowering incontinence. Matt's been crawling around in the mud with t...

212: Sexy Times at The Canal Cafe Theatre

13 Oct 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Hey! It's a lovely live show from four men who really should know better.

211: Awards Snubbery in Waitrose

06 Oct 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Can you believe we haven't been nominated for a Games Media Award this year? Us, the BEST VIDEO GAMES PODCAST IN THE WORLD.

210: The Twins Altercation

29 Sep 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Gav continues along his downward spiral, a sad mess of quiche and violence that can never be stopped. Please come to a live show and help him. regula...

209: The Best Of Joe Skrebels

22 Sep 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Yeah, you read that correctly. What a fuckin pisstake.

208: Hermione's Healthy Dongoloid

15 Sep 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Team Features is in rude health this week, by which we mean we went into a hospital and trumped on all the coma patients. Steve invents a solution for...

207: Live & Barely Legal/Audible

08 Sep 2016

Contributed by Lukas

This was recorded live at the Canal Cafe Theatre where unfortunately technical issues meant the recording got ruined so the only one we've got is this...

206: WhatsApp Bike Smash Ltd

01 Sep 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Some like it hot, but I don't know who those people are and I don't much care for them. In this episode Steve dodges leprosy but crashes into a woman ...

205: Harambe's Toilet Wasp Attack

25 Aug 2016

Contributed by Lukas

We recorded this podcast in a boiling hot room and I think it shows.

204: Banknote Busting Mouth Ulcers

18 Aug 2016

Contributed by Lukas

What if the Gaviscon man met the Bonjela man inside of a mouth? What if Log had a list of lies he's made up about how the new banknotes work? Stop won...

203: David Brent Tried to Get in My Google Car

11 Aug 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Someone needs to stop him!

202: Angela Lansbury's Milk Olympics

04 Aug 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Joe and Steve start a feature war! Well, it's more like feature ping pong but we won't tell anyone if you don't!

201: #Pokemon #StrangerThings #StuffThatIsPopular

28 Jul 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Always with our fingers on the pulsing muscle of popular culture, this week we imploded into a zeitgeist heavy podcast which suspiciously features eve...

The Episode 200 Live Party

21 Jul 2016

Contributed by Lukas

We celebrated Episode 200 with lots of booze and personal space invading. Also, we did a live show and this is THAT. It got pretty weird and wild so...

199: Wanking Off a Big Mario Ghost House Space Dick

14 Jul 2016

Contributed by Lukas

It is one whole episode before a one with lots of zeroes in, so hoik up your britches and wade on in to taste the tang, captain. This episode of the R...

198: Chilcot's Creepy Eggs

07 Jul 2016

Contributed by Lukas

You know 'Netflix & Chill', ye? What about if someone said 'Netflix and CHILCOT'. Can that be an entire podcast? Well, we'll just have to see.

197: Cleaning Out Our Sad Pipes

30 Jun 2016

Contributed by Lukas

This week has been rubbish. It was hard to do this but we thought we'd clear out all our sadness ready for the live show. Come and be sad with us.

196: In EUR(your)-effer-END-um, more like

23 Jun 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Log and Matt solve everything wrong with the world of politics in the Regular Features EU Referendum special. We also probably alienate about 50% of t...

195: Big Ol' Jammy Giraffes

16 Jun 2016

Contributed by Lukas

We keep giving a platform to regular guest Joe Skrebels and he keeps showing us up by being brilliant. What an arsehole.

194: Endlessly Embracing Trip Advisor Bongo

09 Jun 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Steve eats butterflies and bees LIVE ON STAGE, Log hugs a man forever, Matt has written some weird shit about staplers, and Gav invents the prank phon...

193: Wild Yoga Garlic Dogs

02 Jun 2016

Contributed by Lukas

The indomitable Matt and his wretched friends strike again. Log tells us about what if dogs were in charge of a cafe. Steve knows all of the names of ...

192: Billionaires On The Buses

26 May 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Open your Thermos and pour yourself a cup of hot Jesus soup - you're one slimy nudge away from listening to Episode 192 of Regular Features! Gav recor...

191: The Log Special Because We Couldn't Do One Because His Nan Had Died

19 May 2016

Contributed by Lukas

This week Log was at a funeral, and Matt was worried that he might shit himself so we basically couldn't do a podcast episode. But it's OK, let's just...

190: Why Won't Audible Sponsor us?

12 May 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Do you like books? If you like books so much, why don't you fuckin marry one? Haha. Did you hear what I said, lads? I said they should marry a book? N...

189: Four Melting Men (Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre)

05 May 2016

Contributed by Lukas

This week's episode was best described by Gav as "essentially a man melting on stage and still managing to be brilliant." Team Features roll onto stag...

188: Junkettiquette

28 Apr 2016

Contributed by Lukas

IT'S NOT A JOKE. IT'S TWO WORDS THAT SOUND SIMILAR. Matt brings his first ever Game of Thrones script *in this context*, Log teaches us all the manner...

187: More Vicars, Mr T?

22 Apr 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Matt brings the Anglican, Steve brings a partial Mowgli, and Log brings a feature so singular bad that he has to obscure it and add a second feature i...

186: Whale Wrestling Entertainment

14 Apr 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Matt updates Gav on a bit of missed business, Gav explains that he knows about wrestling by asking the other boys some questions, and Steve sings a nu...

185: Stone-Cold Garcia's Awful Wedding - Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre

07 Apr 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Log invents The Joe-Down, Steve invents Wrestling, Joe invents Murder, and Matt invents Weddings. Everyone has a nice time, and then goes downstairs f...

184: Mo' Money, Mo' Chinny Bastards

31 Mar 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Look, we're full-grown adults with big boy jobs - you CANNOT expect us to know the difference between LITTLE Mo and BIG Mo. We've got a lot on. Shut u...

183: The Morbid VR Holiday

24 Mar 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Matt has been to virtual worlds, Steve has been to the actual world, and Log deals with emotional complexity in the only way he's apparently able.

182: The Matt Lees Special

17 Mar 2016

Contributed by Lukas

His hair has launched a thousand ships and his hands have wanked a thousand dicks. Without him, we would be lost in a sea of immaturity and the podcas...

181: Guy Ritchie's Colonic Irrigation Bust-Up - Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre

10 Mar 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Log has been roughed up something rotten, Steve has some puns about Morrissey, Gav went to a theme park where they shove rubber piping up your bum-hol...

180: Red Hot Kinky Queens

04 Mar 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Steve imagines a world in which we are firemens, Matt imagines a world in which the queen fabricates Russian-guage rail from her anus, and Log fails t...

179: Pret a Hitler Sister

25 Feb 2016

Contributed by Lukas

It's Log. It's Steve. It's Log and Steve. The two of them. Together! Just having fun and talking out loud. There's a bit about Pret, and there's a bit...

178: The Infinite Sadness of Two Tragic Men

18 Feb 2016

Contributed by Lukas

What's that thing where people go on stage and read out bits from their old diaries and cry while getting laughed at? This is like that but more pathe...

177: The Award-Winning Pancake Thief

11 Feb 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Matt has a quiz about pancake facts, Gav is a victim of profiling on a plane, and Log wins an award for having the UK's best pub sign.

176: Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre - 1st Feb 2016

04 Feb 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Matt has a breakfast-based tribute to Wogan, Steve has a new job, Gav has a hot chilli, and Log has discovered a link to the afterlife. That's Regular...

175: The Truth is in Here

28 Jan 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Where is the truth? Who wants the truth? Come and get a bottle of warm truth!

174: The Disaster of the Feature-Free Incident

21 Jan 2016

Contributed by Lukas

This week's episode contains scenes of incompetence which may be alarming or distressing to young children. Please take care when ingesting this episo...

173: Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre - 11th Jan 2016

14 Jan 2016

Contributed by Lukas

We're back in our monthly live slot in North London, and this time Matt's got an actual FEATURE. It's still a bit weird though, so keep your shoes on ...

172: The Star Wars Special

07 Jan 2016

Contributed by Lukas

What's your favourite Star Wars? *pretends to listen* There's no time for that! Listen to this Star Wars special podcast instead!

171: What We Did in 2015

31 Dec 2015

Contributed by Lukas

We asked you lot for your favourite features of 2015 and we stuck all the ones you picked into one lovely episode! Right, we're feeling like poop so ...

170: The Best Krampus Present Ever

24 Dec 2015

Contributed by Lukas

It's a Crimbus miracle! Sound the Crangle-cannon!

169: Christopher Bratt's Nazi Bum-Eggs

17 Dec 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt and Steve and Log are joined by Special Guest Chris Bratt! Matt doesn't like television, Steve has a cautionary tale to share, and Chris shares w...

168: Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre - 7th December 2015

10 Dec 2015

Contributed by Lukas

All four of the boys arrange themselves on stage for a festive show of truly normal proportions! Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0c...

167: Who's That Stuck Down the Well?

03 Dec 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Well, well, well....look who came craaaaaawling back. You've got some nerve, missy.

166: Sexy Sleep Predator

26 Nov 2015

Contributed by Lukas

When does a feature become a feature?! We're not telling you just in case you run off and start your own podcast with your smelly cousins. Madness.

165: The Steve Special

19 Nov 2015

Contributed by Lukas

If you like Steve, you're going to LOVE this week's episode. If you don't like Steve, well...um...sod off.

164: Life's a Quiche!

12 Nov 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Quiche, get it? Just like that saying "life's a bitch!" but with quiche. What do you mean that doesn't work? I saw a towel that said "life's a beach!"...

163: Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre – 2nd November 2015

05 Nov 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt has written a text adventure based on the life of George Osborne, Gav is apparently trying to be nice, Log is imagining what it might be like to ...

162: Debbie's Cable Shower Kings - LIVE

29 Oct 2015

Contributed by Lukas

We're LIVE from upstairs in Log's pub - and boy oh boy is it raucous! No honestly, the main recording failed so we had to salvage this from the camer...

161: Bee Cum a Dick Turd

22 Oct 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Honking Mary, it's another episode of the Regular Features podcast. Marvel at Matt, slide into a Steve-scented stupor, lose yourself in Log. It's feat...

160: Pre-Awards Naughtiness

15 Oct 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Steve becomes the Rototwat's latest victim, Matt's been on the Daily Mail site and Gav brings up the past.

159: Wrongular Features with Sean Bell

08 Oct 2015

Contributed by Lukas

This week Sean Bell comes back like a bad ghost to tell stories about when Matt Lees was almost a child. The RF Team put these stories under heavy scr...

158: Sexy Simmons Salutations

01 Oct 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Even though our work is whimsical, we have a very serious job. We cry more than we laugh.

157: Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre - 11th of September 2015

24 Sep 2015

Contributed by Lukas

You can watch a video of this if you want, you big numpty. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xHEp9zxcKI

156: The Rise of the Rototwats

17 Sep 2015

Contributed by Lukas

We get some reader interaction from a familiar voice and Matt is afraid of a new, annoying London trend.

155: Veggie Blasted Stranger Shit

10 Sep 2015

Contributed by Lukas

New jobs, new jingles, new-tribullet. What more could you ask for from a podcast? Nothing, that's what.

154: Peterborough Fun Spectacular

03 Sep 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Log and Steve go to a pub and have a lot to drink. Then they go to Peterborough Beer Festival, where they have more drinks and go on a ride. Then they...

153: Captain Janeway's Spaceship Racist

27 Aug 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever been to space? Don't lie, cause I'll know. Yeah, I didn't think so. Listening to this will be the closest you'll every come I reckon.

152: Emergency Animal Convention

20 Aug 2015

Contributed by Lukas

The person writing this description was too pissed to remember the podcast being recorded but I bet it's really good.

151: The Regular Features Video Games Podcast

13 Aug 2015

Contributed by Lukas

It's the latest episode of your favourite video games podcast all about video games!

150: Love Tips From Your Old Man

30 Jul 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Episode 150?! Wow. Has anyone ever done this many podcasts? Probably not.

149: Stolen Spanish Party Games

23 Jul 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Come one, come all and listen to us casually gobbing off as if our words deserve to be heard!

148: Climbing Noel Gallagher

16 Jul 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Coming to you live from the bottom of a bucket, it's the Regular Features team. Regular Features roll call go! Hey I'm Matt I'm the joker of the crew....

147: The Dog Terminator From Russia Who Loved Me

09 Jul 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt is worried he's being followed by the KGB, Steve hasn't seen the latest Terminator film, and Log faces real-life tragedy head-on, pushing his nos...

146: Facially Redacted Canal Adventures

02 Jul 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt takes us on a big wet adventure, Gav finds a woman who hasn't seen The Ring, and Steve appears to be melting from the heat but don't worry he'll ...

145: Big Bird's Volcano of Sadness

25 Jun 2015

Contributed by Lukas

How many emotions can you name? 3?! Well, they're all in this episode. Every single one of them. There's laughter, sadness and...what's the other one...

144: A Good Deep Feature Rummage

18 Jun 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt gives us unfettered rummaging access to the nooks and pant-crannies of his squalid office cave, Steve gives us a full-fat grilling on subjects of...

143: The Crystal Death Buffet

12 Jun 2015

Contributed by Lukas

In this new episode of the podcast that is the podcast what is called Regular Features, Steve's got sex tips, Matt's got buffet bothers and Log's sing...

142: The Lazy Live Cumpilation

04 Jun 2015

Contributed by Lukas

We were all on holiday this week so we've picked our favourite live features to remind you how great we are not just behind closed doors but also some...

141: Three Guys Chatting

28 May 2015

Contributed by Lukas

The Regular Features team are getting ready to go on holiday this week! Except for Log, who's writing this description now, knowing that his friends a...

140: The Monosode

22 May 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Another new way to innovate, you say? Yes, OK! This episode was made without any of us talking to each other at ALL. Like we HATE each other now. That...

139: Urinals Against Humanity

14 May 2015

Contributed by Lukas

There's a bit in this episode where we fold ourselves through a couple of the higher dimensions of irony, sarcasm and self-awareness to form an obscen...

138: Richard Burton's Urban Shit Farm

07 May 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Gav finds some tips on being awesome from Richard Burton and Log does about 3 features. Steve's throat is sore so send him your get well wishes by doi...

137: The Regular Features Poetry Hour

30 Apr 2015

Contributed by Lukas

We did poems because we can do anything if we just put our minds to it.

136: City of Grapefruit Arsehole Love

23 Apr 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt's been on holiday like a big lar-dee-dar, Steve is adamant that he isn't there, Gavin seems keen to offend everyone, and Log is talking about his...

The Roger Helmer Regular Features Saga

17 Apr 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Come with me and you'll be in a word of Roger Helmer newsletters! That sort of fits with that song, doesn't it?

135: Do Androids Dream of Electric Dicks?

09 Apr 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Enjoy some post-live-show funk as Gav tries to work out if Matt & Steve are a bunch of replicunts.

134: Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre

02 Apr 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Another live show! If you missed it in person, or simply want to remind yourself of what an INCREDIBLE NIGHT you had, you can watch the whole thing in...

133: Piss-soaked Eggs of the 1970s

26 Mar 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt has problems with his bladder, Steve invited the team to embrace his eggs with both hands, and Log gets everyone up to speed on everything that h...

132: The 4,400 Bad Horse Reviews

19 Mar 2015

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode of Regular Features, Log reacts professionally to a bad review of his pub on TripAdvisor by reading the review out in a silly voice, S...

131: Killer Tom From The Ghost Dimension

12 Mar 2015

Contributed by Lukas

It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture. Please, it's my last picture. It's the only remaining picture I have of my dead wife. Please, man wh...

130: Spiders, Scripts & Fancy Tangents

05 Mar 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Gav's got the cure for arachnophobia, Log finds a sitcom he wrote when he was 16 and Steve brings in another guest who manages to outshine us all.

129: The Big Gay Experiment

26 Feb 2015

Contributed by Lukas

With Log and Steve left to their own devices, what will happen in this - the first 100% gay episode of Regular Features? Will there be gay goings on? ...

128: Sonic and the Infinite Wall of Arseholes

19 Feb 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt fills up the entire bloody podcast with a hunk of Sonic the Hedgehog filth. We're entirely sorry and completely understand if you want your money...

127: Awkward Eyes With The Skrebel MC

12 Feb 2015

Contributed by Lukas

After one failed feature, Steve talks about a traumatic injury to his gigantic eyeballs. Gav recalls a traumatic injury to a social situation, caused ...

126: The Big Book of Liver and Chianti

03 Feb 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Don't stop til you get enough, sang Michael Jackson. Enough is enough, sang Barbra Streisand. The world is not enough, sang Shirley Manson out of the ...

125: Sex With 20,000 Onions

29 Jan 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt solves Log's catering problems, and Log populates every Patron's sexual kiss fantasia

124: Date-a-Hipster Death Street

22 Jan 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Gav wants to date a hipster and Steve's gone Corrie mad. This one's for you, Deirdre.

123: Purple Prozzie Scum Bus

15 Jan 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Matt thinks he's special because a prostitute likes him, Gav's a dick to a stranger (for a change) and Steve writes some better Black Mirror plots tha...

122: Trigger Trap a Corrie Napper

08 Jan 2015

Contributed by Lukas

Why yes that IS the best title we've had in ages. In this episode of the podcast, Log asks: "are you napping too much?", Matt wonders: "have I trigger...

121: New Year's Day Emergency Clip Show

01 Jan 2015

Contributed by Lukas

A series of unfortunate events (starting with us putting Gav on editing duties for New Year's Day) has resulted in us losing this week's episode to so...