Regular Features

318: Spooky Tales From The Big Tit Room

08 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

On this week's podcast, Steve & Gav go to TWO different video games studios (not in the same night, we're not CRAZEEEEE) and Log is here to predict th...

317: One Last Spooky

02 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

All hallows we'en may have already passed, but that means it's technically behind us now, which is the spookiest place something can be. So permit us ...

316: Blind Fieri's Food Riddle

25 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

*CLANK CLANK CLANK* That's the sound of the ol' Feature machine cranking into life. *GONK GONK GONK* Look! It's producing features at a rate of knots!...

315: Halloween in Hungary

18 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

In this prematurely spooktastic episode of the Regular Features podcast, Steve does a double haunting ghostwise, and Joe and Gav realise they have fin...

314: Matt's Modjo Moon

11 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Look, we're just going to cop to it. We can't control Matt, but we also won't pretend that we haven't enabled him in the past. We're sorry for what ha...

313: Barry Manilow's Safari Brews

05 Oct 2018

Contributed by Lukas

On this week's podcast, Steve brings us a a report from the frontline of a Barry Manilow gig and we're happy to tell you that the ol' Mandy lover's st...

312: Probe My Hamster Baby

27 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

In THIS one... Matt probes his way around the galaxy. Log shares his tips on how to utterly thrill a baby. And Steve draws back the curtain on the sec...

311: Eat My Personal Squash

20 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Wrap your earholes around this one, if you like. If you don't, just leave it on the table and I'm sure somebody else will want it. In this episode Joe...

310: The Amazing Spiders-Men

13 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

In a podcast first, Steve's got a Spider-Man feature, and Log's got a Spider-Man feature, but thank Matt for his insulating layer of non-Spider-Man re...

309: Reserve 301 Cockneys For One Dollar

06 Sep 2018

Contributed by Lukas

It can only be episode 309 of Regular Features, and you know what that means: more tip-top audio content from the boys what love ya. Joe has been pr...

308: Spider-man's Thwarted Barbecue feat. Tom from Myspace

30 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Daddy needs new shoes and the only way he's going to get them is if you listen to this lil podcast o' mine. Gav tried to trick people with meat? Whoa...

307: Death, Ghosts And Parakeets

23 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Log tries to take the pressure off of Madonna for her Aretha tribute, by doing one even less appropriate. Matt fuses spookies and politics to erotic e...

306: Boris Teabag's Shoes-Off Singalong

16 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Joe and Gav dig through old documentation, Steve gets blind drunk and goes to watch a musical, and Log brings the ship into port with journalists on t...

305: The Darkest Poop Shoots

10 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

HENCHMAN 1: It is boring here guarding the Bad Base. HENCHMAN 2: I listen to podcasts to pass the time. HENCHMAN 1: Oh, like what? HENCHMAN 2: Like...

304: Sexy Crossing Stories

02 Aug 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This week Log & Joe blow Gav's mind with a revelation about pedestrian crossings. I know that sounds shit but it genuinely isn't. Please support us ...

303: Arsehole Meltdown - Extreme Heat Edition

26 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This week's podcast hears Log, Gav, and Matt slowly melt into the carpet in an especially nostalgia-ridden ramble of an episode. Gavin has a bicycle d...

302: Accidental Spooky Special

19 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

In a coincidence we are describing as "nice", this show's full of ghosts, psychics and troublingly sexy robots. Oh boy, Gav, Log and Steve have got sp...

301: The Far Away Plane Bae

12 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Hoik up your mother's britches and sidle on up to the latest episode of the good old audio business we call the Regular Features podcast, in which the...

300: Queer Ebaums For The Avocadoball

05 Jul 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This is the last ever episode of Regular Features*. Steve and Joe go to town in a soundproof booth, while Log is stuck in Nottingham, a prisoner of ...

299: Beautiful Robin's Biowine Nickname

28 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Normally, we'd use this description to call you all a bunch of shites or something, but Gav met a man called Robin who's put us all on best behaviour....

298: Pancake Toon Blast

14 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Who wears jort jorts? We wear jort jorts, though our jort jorts have almost no bearing at all on the content of this episode of Regular Features, in w...

297: Robo-Helmer's Piss Drinkin' Panto

07 Jun 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to the live show sandwich. The bread is audience applause, the ham is Joe talking about a man he met in a hut, the cheese is Gav making miners...

296: Two Dirty Little Skinjobs

31 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Have you seen the original Blade Runner? No? Oh, you're scuttered, pal, sorry. Come watch us live at the Canal Cafe Theatre on June 4th! It's well ch...

295: Petty Twitter Kids' Show

24 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Come for the great features, stay for the top ladbants between Gav, Log and Steve, leave after it gets a bit awkward right at the end. But COME BACK ...

294: Rest Your Scabby Eyes

17 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Whomp? There it is. You did say you'd lost a Whomp, didn't you? Yeah, someone handed it in. Anyway if you want to know what's in this week's episode, ...

293: Bank Holiday Hickies

11 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

It's the bank holiday and Matt, Joe n Gav are three chilled out boys with something (features) on their mind. Come see us live: https://canalcafethe...

292: Sonic's Cardboard Labia

03 May 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Hang your chads down your dads if it ain't another episode of Regular Features!!

291: Steve Buscemi's Niagara Side-Story

27 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Steve, Matt and Log talk the Journalism Horse, Amelie's Fish-Babe, and much more besides. Mostly the latter.

290: Neil Morrissey's Summer Clothes

19 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

On this week's show, can YOU tell the difference between Neil Morrissey and just plain old dickhead Morrissey? What kind of God of War are YOU? And do...

289: Cranberry Flavoured Space Golf LIVE

13 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This week's show was recorded LIVE at the Canal Cafe Theatre. Every month we get drunk and do some nonsense on stage and then meet up with YOU lovely ...

288: Turn Left For Galactic Judas

06 Apr 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Matt reads from The Bible, Steve takes us to the land of Peaky Blinders, Joe recalls a famous noughties song, all while Log oversees from SPACE.

287: San Francisco Supper Club

29 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

THESE GUYS MADE IT... a podcast that is! Hahaha, anyway, please come and watch us live on April 9th: https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507

286: Queer Eye for the Prank Guy

22 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Hey babe. It's us. The podcast. In this episode, Steve questions whether the Queer Eye Fab 5 will ever escape their purgatory hellscape, Joe peruses ...

285: Oakie Doke's Brain Test

15 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Hello, I am Kevin McCallister from the movie Home Alone. I grew up and am currently an unemployed surveyor. In my spare time I like to listen to podca...

284: Roseanne's Broken Pipes Win an Oscar

08 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Matt describes a whole day without water, Joe takes us STRAIGHT to the heart of Hellywood, Log reminds us that Roseanne exists. Nobody dies.

283: The Beasts From the Easts

01 Mar 2018

Contributed by Lukas

The boys are trapped! The snow has absolutely done them in but we've got emergency tape broadcasts from all of them(except Joe, who is dead) Support...

282: Scootin and Kazootin

22 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Steve scoots. Joe roots (for ferns). And Matt kazoots. You gotta love 'em! We have a new live show! ...

281: Sadentine's Day Special

15 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Maaaaaan, we have some heartbroken readers. Here's a collection of some of the saddest real-life love stories you guys sent us this week. We hope you ...

280: Spooked by an Ancient Whale, LIVE

08 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Live at the Canal Cafe Theatre, Log is a whale scientist, Steve is spooking you into terrible trouble, Joe is ALSO spooking you but in a different way...

279: Downsized Funeral Beasts

01 Feb 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Gav mocks funeral hashtags! Steve makes us all little! Joe busts the truth wide open! Matt replied to all of these ideas with courtesy and humour! GET...

278: UKIP Porn Shit

25 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to the podcast that has the same description text every week! This time, Matt gives everyone the chance to be UKIP leader, Log The Incredible ...

277: Guardians Of The Eartha

18 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Hey now, what's that sound - everybody look what's going down... It's this episode of Regular Features, "down"-loading onto your favourite devices! N...

276: Boxer Beast's Fantasy Pub Quiz

11 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Joe's off to meet some beasts, Gav's had his boxers robbed and Steve's on a sweet little pub quiz vibe. Waheeeey. Support us on Patreon: https://ww...

275: McClue's Golf Resolutions feat. Eartha Kitt

04 Jan 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Oh look at that pie on the windowsill! Why not take a bite? Mother will never know. Surprise, baby, you just ate FEATURES. Now you've got an acute cas...

274: A Hometown Duet of Shit and Death

28 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Steve sings a Christmas classic, Gav gives a windy tour of his hometown, Matt celebrates the legacy of Gaz Coombes, Log is having a bloody awful week,...

273: Sweet Doreen's Badash Song

21 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

We bought a load of dead celebrities off eBay and ate them. Think that sounds sad? Well, it is. Please give us money so we can buy more celebrity as...

272: Driving Home for 69s with Santana

14 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

A Christmas Live Show! (Video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hTZIstky2s ) Steve revisits The House of Kramble, Log takes a journalistic deep-d...

271: Now! That's What I Call Dog Prison

08 Dec 2017

Contributed by Lukas

2 boys, 5 features, no borders, one love, 99 luftballons. CHRISTMAS LIVE SHOW! 11th DECEMBER! BUY! https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507

270: Galapadapaslapaqueen

30 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Hey grumblecakes, why you lookin' so down? Perhaps you'd like to drape this hot towel of a podcast over your face and allow our comedy steam to open y...

269: Robbie Williams' Mushroom, Reviewed

23 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Travel back to 2002 for a song lyric examination, then back to 2017 for some bang up-to-date film reviews, and then to the FUTURE OF MUSHROOMS. Whew,...

268: Log's Big Job Interview

16 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Steve cruelly turned down a job as Gav and Joe's Associate Hot Ass Provider - but we've headhunted a new candidate with the hottest ass in Nottingham....

267: The Gingerbread Mambo Queen of eBay LIVE

10 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

We're sorry it's late, it's just that we're absolute idiots. SPOOKS! CUBAN DANCE RHYTHMS! SHOE FETISHISM! SWAN MURDER! REGULAR FEATURES? REGULAR FEATU...

266: The Modern Spooky

02 Nov 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Whoa nelly! That's a big pumpkin. What is it, full of SOULS? That's just the kind of exciting garbage you can expect on this, a thrilling 2nd Novembe...

265: The One Where Joe Gives Us A Sex Drug

26 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

A prodigal Joe gives everyone a strange Japanese potion, which sends the podcast freewheeling into a debilitating, but entirely legal, erotic reverie....

264: Return of the Hog

20 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Steve holds fort as Gav rides around Italy on a mean old hog and Log dispenses Nottingham-wisdom, an oxymoron if ever there was one, am I right *opens...

263: The Chilean Miners Assault Quantick Meridian

12 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Is this the end of Quantick Meridian?! Where are the Chilean miners now?! Does Gav finally get the twatting he deserves?! Find out the answers to thes...

262: Elon's Record-Breaking Uber Hog LIVE

05 Oct 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Gav, Joe, Log and Steve perform exactly 11 features. Sound impossible? Shut up, you don't know ANYTHING. Can you even imagine what it must be like to...

261: Mogg & Log's Sexy Stories

28 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Have you ever noticed how much 'Mogg' sounds like 'Log'? And how both of them *kinda* sounds like cob? Good, innit? Come see our live show on Monday...

260: David Attenborough's Shite With Destiny

21 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This is what happens when Joe n Gav sit too close to each other for 13 hours every day. Luckily, Matt was on hand with an actual feature about some sp...

259: Kenrod Basillica's Underground Bangs

14 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Joe takes us on a journey of TFL joy, Technology Journalist Steven Hogarty explains the hot new features on the iPhone X, and Kenrod Basillica intervi...

258: Blobbybaking, Blobbypornography, Blobbybirthdays LIVE!

07 Sep 2017

Contributed by Lukas

- Steve: Read parental pornography - Joe: Lied about Bake Off - Matt: Plagiarised Sliders - Log: Attacked an allergic man with Nutella The charges we...

257: Dank Handclap's Big Boi Adventures

31 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

On this week's episode, Gav reveals some American football naughtiness while Steve n Log get all hot n bothered by the continuing adventures of Quanti...

256: Four Naughty Boys, a Birthday Girl & The Kill Room

24 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Log n Steve bring the funnies while Joe n Gav kidnap their colleague Alanah who celebrated her birthday with the boys in an abattoir. You can follow ...

255: Godzilla.i.am

17 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Log embarks on a multi-part science-fiction feature-epic, the future of which lies in your hands. Steve imagines a world in which Godzilla's big ol' d...

254: Nick Clegg's Semi-Automatic Arsehole

10 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

LIVE SHOW: Joe does a Doctor Who thing because he has ulterior motives, Steve reads Wikipedia, Matt is furious about a man who had a gun, Log brings N...

253: The Tribunal of J. V. Skrebels

03 Aug 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Joe deleted the real podcast this week, so Gav went full Judge John Deed on his lilywhite ass. Meanwhile, Log bought a dog with his mum. Watch us liv...

252: Dr. Caveman's Overture

27 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Matt goes to France, gets sexy with cavemen, and eats pubes, I think. Gav enthralls canaries and writes totally original music. Log represents billion...

251: Makes Meow Difference To Me!

20 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

We've gone cat crazy in this, the episode of Regular Features that features precisely one feature about cats. This week, Steve reviews several cats fr...

250: The Quarter Millennium Live Show

13 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

250 episodes and we still haven't found a feature worth repeating. There's only one thing for it...to carry on our brave search for ANOTHER 250 EPISOD...

249.5: Steve's Big Job Interview

06 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Steve thought he was heading to Gav and Joe's office for a simple Regular Features goodtime recording party sesh. Little did he know that he would soo...

249: Kenyan Arsehole Assessment

01 Jul 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Gav is in Kenya. No one knows why. Honestly it probably doesn't even matter.

248: Big Boys' Nude Legs No Go

22 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Log, Steve and Joe got together, took their shorts off and shouted into a microphone for just ages. Enjoy.

247: This One's Just Log and Steve

15 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Sorry, this one's just Log and Steve talking for absolutely ages about these four things exclusively: - Idle animations - Roger Helmer - Whales - Sal...

246: Escaping Houdini's Van

08 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Joe, Steve & Gav try their best to escape from a van that once belonged to Houdini. If you fancy trying The Escape Mobile for yourself, you can foll...

245: Good Boys With Bad Haircuts

03 Jun 2017

Contributed by Lukas

What happens when good boys get bad haircuts? Find out in this thrilling 245th episode of the podcast professors are calling "immensely fruity".

244: Collapsing Cum and Tory Scum

25 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Matt has been on HONEYMOON, Joe wants to rekindle things with an old friend, and Log has a quiz so you can work out what type of Conservative voter yo...

243: The Gavin Murphy Special

18 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

You've heard him, you've smelled him, he's probably touched you. It's the best of Gavin John Bachgen-Gors Murphy, Regular Features' most reliably viol...

242: Oh La La Mon Booby Gauche

11 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Steve gives you hot praying tips. Log bids farewell to Marine Le Pen. Joe tells the harrowing story of a man he met who bellowed an e...

241: Escaping Victoria Wood's Heimlich Festival LIVE

04 May 2017

Contributed by Lukas

This week's episode ends with a feature that's good enough to show your Mum...especially if she looks like Victoria Wood. Support us on Patreon: htt...

240: The Regular Features Book Club

27 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Joe solves a viral mystery. Log laments fart injustice. Both read other people's books instead of really putting the work in. Gav attends.

239: Learn To Speak Welsh Rabbit

20 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Matt watched Watership Down and now he loves rabbits. Gav teaches unwilling students to speak French or Welsh or something. Steve continues to fascina...

238: And the BAFTA for Best Bircher Goes To...

13 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Listen, Gav forgot he was editing this episode until THE SECOND YOU'RE READING THIS. If we say anything bad about anyone, do us a favour and don't tel...

237: Live with Puppets and Popes

06 Apr 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Log takes us on a puppet-based snooker adventure, Joe has been watching terrible things, Steve wants us to visit a pyramid I think, and Matt walks int...

236: Choose Your Own Brexit

30 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Matt and Log and Steven unite on the eve of "Britain's Worst Decision Since Spam" for a flurry of Brexit-related tosh.

235: Broke Straight Beasts

23 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Hello love, eat up this delicious podcast pie we've made if you don't quite mind. INSIDE: Gavin escapes from New York. Matt inflicts a bad television ...

234: Silly Squid's Birthday Church

16 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

HOOT HOOT That is the sound of an owl AND one of those party blower birthday trumpets and if that's not the best summation of this episode then perha...

233: Lots of Death LIVE at The Canal Cafe Theatre

09 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Guys...we reckon this is EASY one of our Top 6 podcasts ever. Come see us LIVE on April 3rd: https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507 Buy ...

232: Joe or Gav? You Decide

02 Mar 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Are you a Joe or are you a Gav?! Come see us LIVE on March 6th: https://canalcafetheatre.com/event?EventId=33507 Buy yourself a Regular Features tsh...

231: Playing Basketball With a Racist Cock

23 Feb 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Hey Hey! Who wants to hear a podcast about Gav's weird penis, Joe's love of basketball and Log's new house? Come see us LIVE on March 6th: https://c...

230: Two Sad Men Kidnap Rocky

16 Feb 2017

Contributed by Lukas

In what has become an annual Valentine's tradition, Matt & Gav get in a room and talk about their sad lives. (Gav mentions this story at the end of ...

229: Chalky Old Men, Trumpy Babies

09 Feb 2017

Contributed by Lukas

I can't believe it but we managed to fit your four absolute favourite things into a single podcast this week: political chicanery, time travel, babyfu...

228: Protesting Instagram's Dirty Parlour Pranks

02 Feb 2017

Contributed by Lukas

We refuse to be sad by continuing to bring comedy to you in these troubling times with the help of the God of Pranks.

227: Big Boy Bee Bar Brexit

26 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

We've got a real nostalgic treat for you this week as Steve "Volcano Paedophile" Hogarty for his first episode after a long, long, long absence. Also ...

226: Vin Diesel's Poo Poo Sticks Startup

19 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Joe gets a foreign email, Matt's doing a startup, Gav's seen a film and Log an art curator now. Lovely.

225: A Journey Through Tims and Face

13 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Matt knows about Dinosaurs, Gav punches a man in his face, Joe is there so I suppose he deserves some sort of credit for that.

224: The Crown Pooch Strangle Dangle

06 Jan 2017

Contributed by Lukas

Log celebrates his birthday. Steve invites you aboard Flight 2017. And Joe recounts the time Lord Heseltine never even strangled a dog. Apologies for ...

223: Santa's Extra Stocking Fillers

29 Dec 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Santa's royally cocked up this year and forgot to deliver these three extra special feature presents straight to your audio stockings.

222: Leisure Cloud Clue-Suckers

22 Dec 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Matt and Log and Steve reminisce about the better days of Final Fantasy, get stuck in a leisure centre, and find clues in a go-go-dancer's dick, becau...

221 Live: Secret Santana's Xmas Surprise

15 Dec 2016

Contributed by Lukas

MERRY KRANGLEMAS AND GOOD WILLIES TO ALL MEN AND ALL WOMEN TOO SURE WHY NOT. The boys return to the Canal Cafe Theatre for another live Christmas spec...

220: Wanking Into an Egg - A Review

08 Dec 2016

Contributed by Lukas

Three men. Three eggs. Three sexual organs in desperate need of release. Two of your ears listening to all of what that entails. There's one bit wher...