Regular Features

418: The Alienest Fiverr Timezone

01 Nov 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Hey, it's me, the Regular Features Podcast. Let me open up way wide for you. Excuse me. Wow, what have we got here?! Gav has rented a Morgan Freeman v...

417: Haunted Space Treasure

23 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We're back to basics, stripped down, nude and unplugged. Log takes us to a haunted manor. Steve searches the cosmos for treasures untold, and Gav spen...

416: Pubwatch Wizard Squash

15 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Let us whet your ears with our special ear-whetting words. Are they whet yet? Then let's begin, baby. In this episode, Steve is chased around his pla...

415: Akon City Trump Rap

08 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Joe investigates Akon's ambitious city building side gig, Steve waxes poetic about Trump's havin' hon...

414: Rainy Stink Eggs

03 Oct 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Steve ranks a box of eggs. Joe got a big damn stink following him around. Gav has become infatuated with the rain. You can't say fairer than that, can...

413: Honey I Nut The Cheerios

26 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Grab the heaviest spoon in the kitchen and tuck into this week's big bowlful of ice cold Regular Features, fortified with so much vitamin BEE it will ...

412: Wet Eggs and Big Boys

18 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode? Joe's got saturated eggs from Morrisons. Steve confers the insatiable libido of Mister Game & Watch. And friend of the podcast Zim ha...

411: The Xbox Replacement Room

11 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Log lines up his successor, Steve is confounded by the sheer number and variety of new Xboxes, and Gav presses the big red abort butt...

410: Dark Milk Teeth

04 Sep 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Open your hearts and close your eyes, fill your boots and empty your pockets, it's another episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Joe's...

409: How To Clean Your Unicorn

28 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Hey Google spiders, wrap your little legs around this bad boy. Steve lays out the steps required to properly disinfect a desk. HOW HIEGHT IS A TOM CRU...

408: Mac DeMarcosoft Flight Simulator

21 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Every time I upload these episodes it asks me to select a genre, and so I scroll down to the "comedy" tag and select it with all the unearned confiden...

407: The Brown Email Buffalo

15 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Look, can we just get past the fact that Log recorded the first two-thirds of this podcast underwater? It's really distracting from the fact that Stev...

406: Eating Out Kermit

06 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Hope you're hungry, because we've cooked up a three course feature meal just for you. For your starter, Joe is not best pleased with the new voice of ...

405: The Beefeater Teeth Awards

01 Aug 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Look what the cat just dragged in: another episode of the Regular Features podcast. As if butter wouldn't melt. As if the cat that drags us around wou...

404: Morricone's Boner Music

18 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome back to the Regular Features lab where we build clones of the boys for each consecutive week of podcasting. Please WATCH YOUR STEP we spilled ...

403: Werner Herzog's Coin Drafts

10 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

[apologies for one CRACKLY mic, your headphones are FINE] Hey, it's another piping hot rod of Regular Features. You could set your watch to these rec...

402: Political Bee Teeth

03 Jul 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Politics. It's bloody everywhere. Keir Starmer. Wow. In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Gav's gone politics mad about a biscuit baby, St...

401: The Bad Fairy Liquid Baby Is Teleporting the Grease into my Stomach

28 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

So I guess we're doing another hundred of these things? Alright then. Easy. Doesn't even bother us. Gav digs up feature dregs from the bottom of the i...

400: The Lockdown Live Extravanganza

19 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

We did what no other podcast has the balls to do - a livestream live show! We're sad we couldn't celebrate in a pub with you guys but hopefully this ...

399: Cleaning Out The Pipes

04 Jun 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Guess what? It's us again. I know right? We're interminable. Can't keep us off this thing. In this episode, Gav fights back against unimaginatively ...

398: Juicy Susan's Big Bruisin' Hoochie Mama Singalong

28 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Live show! 8pm BST, June 13th on our YouTube channel. We weren't here for you last week, so have a luxurious king size episode on us. Lay down on it ...

397: Snooker Loopy

14 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Pot the reds then screw back for a brand new episode of the hippest podcast on the baize. It's Regular Features, you filthy little pocket botherers, a...

396: Stephen Hendry's Birthday Turnips

08 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Don't you just hate it when you get a duff Kinder Egg and the capsule is just full of matted old hair? Sure, you could try to prop the wiry tuft up ne...

395: Horns 'n' Hooves

01 May 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Here's a nice little edible arrangement for you. BITE into Log's feature about competitive horniness. SUCKLE on Joe's story of an elk in a department ...

394: The Baby Is Always Bigger On The Other Side

24 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

You know how you can revive a sleepy bee with a tiny teaspoon of sugar water? That works on us too. In fact, why don't you come round when this is a...

393: Rainbow Boy Workout

16 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

It's more important than ever to keep your mind and body in tip top shape, so this week we bring you the full spectrum of mental and physical stimulat...

392: Blue Tick Bingo 5G Zoom Scam

09 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Log runs us through his Zoom meeting bingo card, Steve is torn to shreds by the irradiating power of 5G masts, and Gav concludes the saga of his encou...

391: Verified Tiger King

03 Apr 2020

Contributed by Lukas

No need to pack your tiger for this one, because this episode's got loads of them just lying around for free. Tigers in the rafters. Tigers in the flo...

390: Animal Crossing Tips & Tricks

27 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Hello again, it's us, dem boys with dem fancy teeth who keep comin round to fill up your brain with our special noises. In this episode, Log has tips ...

389: Moustache Rationing

19 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Due to a bad smell going around we're all locked indoors, so this week we bring you the first ever episode of Regular Features recorded using telephon...

388: Dane As It Ever Was

13 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Log answers a decade old question about human Great Dane hybrid babies, Steve slips further into high-energy pandemic anxiety and Mat...

387: The Lambshank Reduction

06 Mar 2020

Contributed by Lukas

You've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here after what you did last week, buster. But since you're here we might as well snuggle into your...

386: Hendry's Sewer Folktales

27 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

"Doctor! Doctor! They're finally waking up!" "Who is, nurse Hurdy-Gurda?" "The readers!" "Jesus Christ, I can't believe it! After all these years?"...

385: Tales From Every Altitude

21 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Another insurmountable crisis has left our boys unable to meet - but THAT won't stop us! Let Steve take you on a super soaraway adventure in the highe...

384: Sonic Storm

13 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Steve has gone to see the Sonic movie, and Log has noticed that it was a bit blowy recently. What more do you want? Oh, you want a song and dance do y...

383: The Sauce Whisperer

08 Feb 2020

Contributed by Lukas

I've got a tummy full of lentils and I'm ready to burn down a house. But before that, here's another episode of Regular Features. In this one, Log tr...

382: A Mars a Day Keeps the Beer Virus Away

30 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

This week Steve, Joe, Matt and Gav go on an adventure to space to meet a long lost Uncle and then crash back down to earth to deal with a naughty viru...

381: #smellthewell

23 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN TO BECOME ONE WITH THE INEFFABLE COSMIC CLOUD THAT IS SOME FEATURES. SNIFF THE DIRTY SPACE DUST THAT CAME OUT OF THE PUSSY PALS...

380: Deathpool's Prank Oscars

16 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

"Get that Grizzly out of my sandwich stash, Mr Hargreaves - or I'll jam my Capri-Sun straw in his bunghole." This is just one of the things you'd have...

379: Big Boy Uri's Burrito Frito

10 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Sound the horns, see the signs, taste the mud, smell a hedge, touch a friend, because this burr-rand new episode of the Regular Features podcast is a ...

378: 10 Years of Little Women and China Boys

03 Jan 2020

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to the new Millennium. Here is a podcast that is exactly the same as it always was and always will be. We're not changing and if you ask us to...

377: Festive Wanderings

26 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We're in between Christmas and New Year's, in that curious period of time that lately has come to be known as St. Goochmas Week. Gav is walking Coco a...

376: Karnspiracy Theories

20 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Hope you've got some paper towels ready, because it's time for another Regular Features, the wettest and heaviest podcast in town. This week, Joe and ...

375: 2019 Election Special

12 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Have YOU voted in the 2019 election? If you have then here's a special podcast as a present just to say thanks.

374: Ebeneezer Great

05 Dec 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It's shocking. It's frightening. But you can't look away. You cannot take your eyes off it. It is episode 374 of the Regular Features podcast. Joe h...

373: Rush Hour Sun Taint

29 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It's time to get down and dirty with your three favourite boys. Favourite 1 & 2: Joe and Steve are in the studio with lovely/funny features. Favouri...

372: King of Brussels Sprouts

22 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Look, it's just Steve and Log this week, so you can expect about twenty minutes of low-energy discussion on the topic of sandwiches cut with some top-...

371: The Two Biggest Popes

14 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

It's a guilt bonanza as Joe, Log and Steve collectively decide to write almost entirely about religion for reasons that will probably become terrifyin...

370: Shaggerbombing at the Wedding

07 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week we've got features galore - you've got yer Log, you've got yer Steve and even a Gav. What more do you want from us?!

369: Spooky Times at the El Rimmel

01 Nov 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week we bring THREE spooky stories from Steve, Joe and Gav. Don't have nightmares. And if you do, it's not our fault. It's Matt's.

368: Who Put Poo In Spoon

24 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Joe returns to his beloved Instabae, the Spoonbending Wizard of Israel. Log panic-writes a sea-faring ballad with NO TIME LEFT, and Matt takes the sub...

367: Shitting Roomba and the Techno Douche

17 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Well well well, if it ain't a Reader, come crawlin' back to my Regular Features Saloon, cap in hand, hopin' for another dose of that features medicine...

366: Anus Brunch Revisited

11 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week Joe goes DEEPER into a certain festival photo and Steve enjoys a bit of brunch. Gav is also in attendance and is a very important part of th...

365: Kate Bush Wasp Squash

03 Oct 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, Steve invites us into his favourite bush, Joe continues the interactive Orphean squash journey of Clive Nationality, and all of Log's...

364: Hungry Hungry Taxi Gravy

27 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Woah there Nelly Furtado, would you just look at the length of this absolute unit of an episode. Either we had way too much fun recording it, or whoev...

363: Incoming Transmissions

21 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

The Regular Features boys have been scattered to the four quadrants, and now it's up to Joe to beam a series of hot emissions from our orbital podcast...

362: Champagne Egg

12 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode of Regular Features, Joe finds a new pet for the podcast inside of a egg, Log takes us on a tour of Nottingham's sights, and Steve bri...

361: Touch My Bird

05 Sep 2019

Contributed by Lukas

What do the Cheeky Girls have in common with a small, stuffed blackbird? Both of them inspire us to greater things. Would you like to know more? Liste...

360: I Babadooked A Dick And I Liked It

29 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

VIDEO HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGuBwQgWGWM&feature=youtu.be The boys have never ever been QUITE as sweaty - Steve does a bird thing, Log ...

359: Tossed Salad and Scrambled Algorithms

24 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

We hope the Saturday release of this podcast has not ruined your usual reading regime. In this episode, Matt explores exactly one (1) instance of the ...

358: Sweatshirts, Wet Shoes, and Driving Gloves

15 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

If you think this episode sounds a bit "garment-heavy", you'll be glad to hear that I snipped out two minutes of utterly jokeless sock chat. Something...

357: Stranger Shagger Boys

08 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week Joe turns Gav n Log's history into a video game and we get a visit from one of our favourite guests. Ticket for our LIVE podcast on sale n...

356: Joe vs. Steve's Mucky Meerkat House

01 Aug 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week Joe takes a tour of Steve's filthy house and discovers a little bit about himself along the way.

355: New Lees Who Dis

25 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

There was an accident at the lab and now there are two Leeses on the pod. Where does one end and the other begin? Which is the evil one that I need to...

354: Whiskey Fuelled Reader Suggestions

18 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week let Steve, Gav and a beautiful man named Log guide you through the world of reader suggest Regular Features.

353: Good Boys Go Spicy

11 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

[Re-uploaded to fix compression issues, thank you for your patience in this trying time] In this bumper bonus edition, Steve produces the go-to to-d...

352: Helmer's Fleshy Dogs

04 Jul 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week Matt, Steve and Joe explore the gamut of comedic subjects including reusable sperm buckets, hot dogs and Roger Helmer.

351: Dermot O'Gravy

27 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

There's just no getting away from it, we've done another episode of a podcast and we're not going to apologise. I'm sorry but that's just how it is. W...

350: Auf Bee-dersehen Tom

21 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Good day madam. In this episode of the Regular Features podcast, Gavin uncovers the sordid undercurrent of homophobia and bigotry in the Auf Wiederseh...

349: Flippy Floppy Wappy Fappy

13 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Log falls into a pit of Boris-made despair, Matt recieves an important text message, Steve recalls terrible experiences with early downloadable digita...

348: Big Boys Take Flight

06 Jun 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week it's all blimps and big boys, and little in between. If it's not a blimp, it's a bloody big boy. And if it's not a big boy knocking at your ...

347: Goodnight James Brown

31 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode, we got James Brown, we got Brown James, we got Nicholas Lyndhurst, we hurt Lynne Ninkledurst, and we finally solve what was it that w...

346: Fridge Raiding Sky Penis

23 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

She packed my bags last night, pre-flight. Zero hour, nine AM. And I think I'll be high-igh-igh, as a kite by then. That's a little poem I just made...

345: Anne Robinson's Socialist Post Office

16 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Matt went to Denmark and discovered a practical application of socialism. Meanwhile, Log went to a new and angry post office. Steve attended.

344: Rondy Crime Safe

09 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Oh it's you. Hey! This week Joe is doing the opposite of safe cracking. Steve is doing the opposite of giving his bike to a policeman. And Log is doin...

343: Wacko Jacko's Werewolf Chase

02 May 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Let Gav and Steve take you on a journey involving werewolves, blankets, Michael Jackson and a woman who may or may not be crying.

342: Features 4 Justice

26 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Stop or we'll shoot! Shoot a hot load of podcast bullets into your willing face, that is, because this week's episode is all about justice. Justice fo...

341: Julian 'Big Legs' Assange

18 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Only two boys turned up this week, but thankfully those two boys were LOG and MATT, who are very capable indeed thank you very much. There's legs goin...

340: Daddy's Affirmation Quiz

11 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Plasticene! What's that about? Doesn't taste of anything, but once you've eaten the white strip you have to eat all the other colours because it stand...

339: Beardless in Old Jaffa

04 Apr 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Joe's been spying on Uri Geller, Log's investigated the new financial year but WHO CARES because there's a missing beard to discuss!!

338: Grapesalicious Gandolfini

28 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this episode you will meet no fewer than three James Gandolfinis, no fewer than one Grapesalicious Bordain, and one more than none Matt Lees with a...

337: To Sleep, Perchance to Ski

22 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Curl up in bed with this special sleepy episode of the Regular Features podcast, which is all about that good white stuff, ie. sheets and snow. Steve ...

336: Tales of the Smear

14 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week Gav's got tales of Welsh poop, Joe does some fantastic voice acting and Log brings us Regular Feature's first ever interview (we think). I...

335: I Begum Your Pardon??

07 Mar 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Joe wants to jump headlong with his long old head into the world of podcast-TV adaptation. Steve has something extremely erudite to say about the Sham...

334: Bumbrella Fitzgerald's Pikachu Dick

28 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Log's watched a TV show, Joe's examined a trailer, and Steve's seen a film, and they're ALL drinking whiskey out of a little glass submarine. That's r...

333: Fist World Problems

21 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Log introduces us to the strange and wonderful land of Fist World. Steve introduces us to the new political party of Westminster. And Joe introduces h...

332: The Slutty Chessmaster's Zombie News

14 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

This week Gav brings you the news as per usual and Steve remembers an old cheat code which caused an old man to get his nips out. Please support thi...

331: Celery Business

07 Feb 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Nothing in this world is certain except Dale Winton coming at you with some celery, demanding you feed it to him, and then slapping it out of your han...

330: Microfeatures - The Return

31 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Somehow, despite being down to fewer members than normal, we wrote twice as many the number of average features? Somebody get onto Einstein because th...

329: Duke of Slime Towels

25 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

In this one, Steve tells the true story of Prince Philip's big nasty car flip, Matt steals a towel and Joe has problems with slime towns. Yes, the aud...

328: Scorpion's Secrets & Farts

17 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Hi, I'm J0n0th0n, the Regular Features webmaster. This week, Steve, Joe and Log compared farts, became Mortal Kombat characters and were graced with t...

327: Hungry Like the Drone

10 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Everyone's banging on about that Bandersnatch so we've got TWO Choose Your Own Adventures this week that are much better cause they're not about games...

326: A Very Furry Ramble

03 Jan 2019

Contributed by Lukas

Who likes accompanying good boys on strolls? I hope the answer is you because that is exactly what this podcast is. Huge shoutout to Jack Forster fo...

325: Forgot a Crimble Tingle

28 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Hello girls, it's us, the Regular Features people, and we've got another episode of the podcast what we done for you out of our mouth holes. Log has g...

324: Some Lad Wrote a Scripto

20 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

Log found a Christmas script in his pub and wouldn't you know it we decided to perform the whole thing. It's insane that we're not making this up. Mu...

323: Brassica? I Hardly Knew Her!

13 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This week's podcast may or not be getting beamed into your drug addled brain from the future. It features Steve, Matt and Joe. What more do you want...

322: My Dead Granny's an Anime Sex Doll

06 Dec 2018

Contributed by Lukas

This week Steve is off to Grenada and shares some hopes and dreams for his trip. Joe has just come back from Japan and apparently it's still mad over...

321: Space Cat's Angry Pasta Adventure

29 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

In this week's podcast, Matt and Steve take you on a journey to space and back to Italy. How can just two men seamlessly transition from one to the ot...

320: Copyrighted Music for Gas Clouds

22 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

WHOA THERE GIRLY GIRL, where do you think you're going dressed like that? To the 19th Century salon to listen to discourse from the most active minds ...

319: Kojima's Space Song feat. Regular Features

15 Nov 2018

Contributed by Lukas

We've got a bit of a Frankenstein podcast this week as Joe n Gav send in bits of a podcast to add on to Steve and Log lovely chat. LEGAL NECESSITY: J...