The Habsburg Dynasty: The Most Inbred Family in History
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What is the Habsburg dynasty and why is it considered so powerful?
Welcome back to Write Answers, mostly a podcast on what you didn't learn in history class, but you really wanted to. I'm Claire Donald. I'm Tess Palomo. And welcome back to our September back to school month Ramys. Cozy scholastic vibes are here for you. Exactly. And I think that this one's gonna feel like very old school Ram because it is like true historical. We know you guys like that. Yes, and I actually had never heard of these people before. This is like a true Ram signification. suggested subject today we are talking about the Habsburg dynasty. Oh you never heard? No. Did you know? No. I didn't know and I don't know. And I'm still kind of like, what? Um, but it's gonna be really great because the Rammies see the Rammies teach us just like we teach you.
You guys are like open your hearts and let us guide you. I mean Tess, today we're talking about incest. Isn't that history? Ain't that the truth in a sad, sad way? Yeah, really. So do you know anything about the Hadsburgs? Have you heard about them? Never heard about them, don't know who they are, don't know anything. I did send you a picture of Charles the second last night and I'm s I I should have given you a warning. True warning, yeah. Or send it with invisible ink, but I did not.
So this is what happens when you have sex with
your like siblings. You look like that. Like when your family has sex with each other like multiple times. It's probably like that in combination with like fetal alcohol syndrome. Oh, I didn't even think about that. No, because I was like, that face is looking crazy. Like there's a lot going on there. There's a lot going on. If you don't know what we're talking about, go to our carousel at right answers mostly on Instagram. Follow along. Um tough. Time has not been kind to this family. No. No. No, no, no, no. So I guess like without further ado, let's just get into the Habsburgs. I still kind of am like what and like why? But actually not why because they were like the most powerful family in Europe for a long time.
Where where? Where? Well, I'll tell you, Tess. All right, the House of Habsburg was one of the most powerful dynasties in the history of Western civilization for centuries. They start as a relatively unremarkable noble family and eventually become one of Europe, Europe, Europe's Europe, not my Europe's Europe's most powerful dynasties controlling Austria, Spain, the Netherlands, parts of Italy, territories in the America, and repeatedly holding the title. of Holy Roman Emperor. Damn. But what they may be most notably known for was the Habsburg jaw. The chin. What veil tourses? No. Okay. It wasn't the torus, it was the incest. Yeah, yeah. It created like this huge Chin.
Damn.
So who the hell are these people and like why do we care? Let's get into it. Tess, we're gonna go back to the nine hundreds first.
Oh my god. Oh
Jesus.
I
know when I started researching this, I was like, How could you how could you do this to me? I am having a hard time getting into this, but then we did. Yeah, we always do. We push through. So the Habsburg family can probably trace its roots back to the wealthy nobleman. Guntrum the Rich, who was a Count? A count, Countess Luann? Countess Luann probably would have loved him. Um Guntum the Rich, he lived around the nine hundreds, and a few generations later, one of Guntum's Gupta Mm. Mm hmm.
I kept it in from last week's two. I had to. I had
to, you guys. It's like I can't. I think maybe we need to do it every single episode. I think we have to this month. Yeah, you guys just you 'cause it's like school. Exactly. The diaries It totally makes sense. So Guptum or Guntem, whatever the Just call him Gupta. Like I don't actually like care about this person at all. But I'm Gupta. This is like why we'd be such bad history teachers. Like I don't really care about this one. Get to the crazy incest of it all. Um yeah, so that guy Oh, okay. So also the name Habsburg. Back in the day they like didn't have surnames and like a lot of times you would get your surnames from like your occupation, like Smith, like a blacksmith. That's where that's from?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the Habsburg dynasty and why is it considered so powerful?
0:26–7:51
2
How did the Habsburgs use strategic marriages to build their empire?
7:51–15:59
3
Who were the key figures in the early Habsburg rise (Rudolf, Maximilian, Mary of Burgundy)?
15:59–25:16
4
What happened to Juana of Castile and how did her story illustrate the dynasty’s internal turmoil?
25:16–36:10
5
How did Charles V inherit the vast Habsburg empire and what territories did he control?
36:10–45:08
6
Why did the Spanish Habsburg line end with Charles II and what were the consequences?
45:08–54:19
7
How did the Austrian Habsburg branch continue and produce figures like Maria Theresa and Marie Antoinette?
54:19–1:03:49
8
What lasting legacy and lessons does the Habsburg story leave for modern history?
1:03:49–1:10:09