Rude Tales of Magic
Episodes
Text Education
14 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Reeling from the events of the previous two episodes (meeting an alien, mysterious powers, homeroom icebreakers, etc.), the gang finishes their first ...
[Patreon Preivew] Tommyguns and Fuggedaboutits! GM'ed by Branson!
07 Apr 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Here's a preview of our first Patreon Game of the Month, Tommyguns and Fuggedaboutits, GM'ed by Branson and starring Ali, Joe, and Tim! Wanna hear the...
Life is a Hallway
31 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
The School Bell Rings. Homeroom. Paths Diverge. Halls are monitored.Follow us on bluesky for goodness sake, it's fun! And it's probably the ...
[New Campaign Premiere] An Odd Event
17 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Ah, Sophomore year. For many American High Schoolers, it truly is one of the most Second High School Years. It certainly is for Mikey McChristmas (Bra...
BLUE KINDNESS HIGH: COMING TUESDAY MARCH 17
12 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Summer's over, losers! Get in!Coming this Tuesday, March 17th, is the premiere of our next thrilling Rude Tale: BLUE KINDNESS HIGH.Action! Adventure! ...
BLUE KINDNESS HIGH SESSION ZERO w/Tim, Ali, Branson, and Joe!
03 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Blue Kindness High is almost here! Ali, Branson, and Joe sit down with our Game Master Tim Platt to reveal their characters, their secrets, and—buck...
UNLOCKED! Rude Talks of Chatting for Nethermurk 36 & Campaign Wrap-Up
27 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Out from behind the walls of Patreon, it's Rude Talks of Chatting for Nethermurk 36, the whole campaign, and what's next...NETHERMURK HAS ENDED WITH I...
BONUS Game: Sense & Feelings!
19 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Wanna watch this episode? Check it out on the Rude Tales Youtube!REGENCY ENGLAND: When the three youngest Godzilla sisters attend a Garden Party given...
Sundowning
17 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Will all the light be eaten? Will our heroes survive? Will anything slime-related happen? All this and more, in the thrilling finale of RUDE TALES OF ...
A Visit to Baltimore!
03 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
The gang takes a helicopter ride!Follow us on bluesky for goodness sake, it's fun! And it's probably the best way to contact us, all things ...
Night Trial Live!
20 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
The party reaches the surface. Follow us on bluesky for goodness sake, it's fun! And it's probably the best way to contact us, all things co...
HUMANS
06 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Note: This Program Does Not Endorse the Lifestyle of the NPCs of this EpisodeMERCH ALERT! For the Holidays, we've re-released a bunch of classic ...
Yuletide Kombat Family V: DARK SLEIGH
23 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Every year, as the days grow short and a chill flies upon the wind (unless you're in the Southern Hemisphere!! Sorry y'all), the most dangerous Holida...
Hot Hot Hot!
09 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
The denizens of the Nethermurk race to the surface. Ulysses and Studio make important discoveries. The Mosquitos awaken. We visit a museum!See Privacy...
Coming Right Web!
25 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Endrizzi learns something very important about himself, and we visit the surface.Follow us on bluesky for goodness sake, it's fun! And it's ...
Bell Ringers
11 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode, Christopher Hastings plays a talking skeleton!The BIG Oh These, Those Stars of Space! 100th Episode spectacular is out! Head over to ...
Regnum Caelorum
28 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Our Heroes enter the "Kingdom of Heaven", and find some of what they're looking for, and a stadium-sized amount of what they didn't.The BIG Oh These, ...
Oh These, Those Stars of Space! Episode 100: "Mirror, Mirror on the Star..." Preview!
23 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Did you know- we make another podcast?? And we've made 100 episodes of it?? It's true! For your beautiful rude ears, here's a preview of the 100th Oh ...
HamsterX Dot Com
14 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you think something is wrong about the title of this episode, maybe think about what that says about you!!!The BIG Oh These, Those Stars of Space! ...
Christmas Comes But Once a Summer! (Nice Tales of Friendship Fall Spectacular!)
30 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Oh gosh! Is it true? Christmas in Summer?? What is this- Australia? Not at all, though Australia is a wonderful country where they call Burger King Hu...
All Rats, All Rats, All Rats...
16 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Deep in the belly of the beast, Uly, Paris, and Lemon, concoct an elaborate ruse to deceive the elves in their midst. Meanwhile, Linus finds much more...
Going No Contact
02 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Our heroes head deep into God's Descent, where they'll find: Unexpected AlliesUnexpected EnemiesA Ton of ElvesUhh yeah, let me be the first to say: UH...
Get Slimed!!!
19 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
You'll never guess what we multiply by the population of Tokyo in this one. ALSO: The party finally faces off with the Light Eater.Follow us on b...
Short Times at Pixie High
05 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We turn back the page, and with the combined power of storytelling and Hollywood de-aging CGI, we tell a formative tale from Lemon's youth? Will it so...
The Bounty Becomes the Hunted (With Special Guests the Fool's Gold Crew!)
22 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Just as our heroes reunite with Lemon, they find themselves targeted by three deadly Bounty Hunters (Dingo, Felix Irnich, and Avery Howett) with a cer...
Emergency Room Family Reunion
08 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Our party finally arrives at the strange and twisted hospital of Cruncho. Surely madness won't await them inside? Ok, ok, IF madness awaits inside, su...
Conclave (2025)
24 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
A death. Smoke. A return. An Election. Follow us on twitter for goodness sake, it's fun! And it's probably the best way to contact us, all t...
Silence is Golden
10 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Shh!Follow us on twitter for goodness sake, it's fun! And it's probably the best way to contact us, all things considered.Special Thanks as ...
A Chocolate, if You Can Keep It
27 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Nothing wrong with being an impressionable young lad, I say! Unless, of course, you run into some... bad influences.Follow us on twitter for...
"Oh, Brother!"
13 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
WARNING: This Episode Contains Spoilers for the 2013 Novel The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt.Follow us on twitter for goodness sake, it's fun! A...
Boat Funeral!
29 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Our heroes say goodbye to some fallen friends, but in the twisted world of Nethermurk? They've never even heard of a bereavement policy, friend. That'...
Rodents & Chivalry
22 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Hey! Before you do anything, catch almost thirty minutes of bonus footage (plus other full-length games, behind-the-scenes chats, original art, and mo...
Listen to This Podcast to See if You're an Introvert!
15 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Studio Ghibli and the creature known only as Ranger lead their flock of spider children on a relentless pursuit of Agrigenta and Fingerdale. Hi, new l...
Lunch is Always Fun With Friends (New Campaign Kickoff! 500th Episode!)
01 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
500th Episode Spectacular, and the start of a new campaign??!? Well that's pretty nice, if you ask me!!When Park Rangers Quincy Ampersand (Joe Lepore)...
The Only Good Elf
18 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Lemon finds herself alone, facing impossible odds against- you guessed- the Fungalganger. Meanwhile, Linus, Uly, and Paris search for answers on a shi...
You've Got Mail 2: You've Still Got Mail
04 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Now that Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) has finally found love in-of all places-the heart of Book Megastore tycoon Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), she thinks she has ...
Introducing Sagas of Sundry: Goblin Mode
24 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
BEEP BEEP! Special Guest Pod on the Feed!Three minions are left alive after the dungeon where they work is ransacked by "heroes." Led by gamemaster Am...
Weird Guys on Boats
18 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Finally our heroes do the unthinkable: meet a bunch of weird guys on boats! Watch out, folks! First two podcast rows will get wet!And meanwhile: A sho...
A Big Bad Baptism
04 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
With Studio Ghibli (Joe Lepore) and the creature known only as "Ranger" (Tim Platt) in hot pursuit of Agrigenta, it's only a matter of time before the...
No Lemon, No Party
21 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
With Lemon captured by the villainous Agrigenta Salumeria and her devious parasite Fingerdale, Linus, Uly, and Paris have no choice but to discuss the...
Blood Drive
07 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Uh Oh! Our heroes are trapped in the clutches of Sanguina Bob, Paris is still covered in Neon Black, Uly seems to be getting stranger-sorry, more huma...
[UNLOCKED] Wealthy Poorson's Nethermurk Almanack: Water
30 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
As a special end of year treat for you, our finest listeners, we're unlocking a taste of some of the dee-lectable bonus content you can find on our PA...
Yuletide Kombat 2024: PROM EDITION
24 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Every year, the Rude Tales crew plays Yuletide Kombat Family, an amazing adventure where holiday characters fight each other to save Christmas (I thin...
[PATREON PREVIEW] Goblin With a Fat Ass, GM'ed By Carly!
18 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
"Silent night, holy night"? Fat chance! This holiday season, we're treating you to a fully produced bonus game from the Rude Crew: Tom Bloom's "Goblin...
Portrait of a Problem
10 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The gang enters the mosquito temple. Will they survive it's many dangers? Well with Paris blinded and covered in unending darkness...could go either w...
You've Got Nail
26 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
As our heroes prepare to enter the Mosquito Temple in search of God's Blood, we turn to a darker corner of these creepy caves. Agrigenta (Carly Monard...
A Light Snack
12 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Alt Title: Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Getting their Light EatenSome Personal News: All of our classic live shows are up for sale in ou...
Blood Tales of Depravity III: A Graveyard Smash
29 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
...And so it was foretold, when the clock struck October and that first chill was felt on the wind, when children would gambol about in foolish costum...
A Nice Dead City On A Lake
15 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Just when they think they've escaped the forest of carnivorous plants, the gang finds themselves in a tiny echo-pocket of air surrounded by a freezing...
Bush Did It
01 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Our Heroes travel upwards. But in some cruel twist of fate, only greater dangers await them?? Dang! I thought they were already through the vexing obs...
Tim Platt's TEETH LIKE BEAK: SNEAK BEAK
25 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This clip contains a sneak peak of Tim Platt's debut comedy album TEETH LIKE BEAK out Monday, 9/30. If you're interested, please pre-save on Spotify o...
Catechism and Containment (with Special Guest James Adomian)
17 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Mamma Mia! We turn from our heroes' journey to train our narrative eye to another side of the thrilling world of Nethermurk. Following the Dark Elves'...
The Secret of the Hot Dogs
03 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Have you ever wondered: what is inside a Hot Dog?WE MAKE ANOTHER PODCAST: Oh These Those Stars of Space! In all sincerity, it's ...
Welcome to Batplebees
20 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The party, now fully assembled, ventures in to the Bat town of Wingslip for some much-needed sustenance at Batplebee's. But what awaits them there? Da...
[New Campaign Premiere] All God's Creatures
06 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
WELCOME TO NETHERMURKSo many strange things lie below, cut off from the surface, at home in the deepest, darkest caves. Who would dare tell their stor...
Bears! The Blessing of the Obelisk Part 4
23 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Our heroes finally learn where the honey has been hiding all these many years. But will such knowledge come without a price? And will that price not b...
Bears! The Blessing of the Obelisk Part 3
09 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When Moriarty Newman makes an offer, is it one you can't refuse? Is it one you'd turn on your allies for? Is it one one that will bring you closer to....
Bears! The Blessing of the Obelisk Part 2
25 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In which the party details their sordid pasts, encounters some avian wildlife, enters a mysterious structure, and meets- no! It can't be! ::gasps::Wan...
Bears! The Blessing of the Obelisk Part 1
11 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Just when you thought it safe to sweeten your tea- all the honey in the world was gone. For centuries. Miss you, you sweet golden amber you. And that'...
When The Times Get Weird...
28 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Will friends become enemies? Will colleagues become friends? Will the hunters become the hunted? Will the sword call...to you???WE MAKE ANOTHER PODCAS...
Gloop's Soup (with special guest Zach Cherry)
14 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
You'd think a waterfront town like Piss Harbor would never run dry. And usually? You'd be right. Then this episode came along and turned everything on...
Spring Special: Lent Enders LIVE at the Bell House in Brooklyn
30 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
And on the 30th day (of April) they... released a live show episode??That's right! As a special treat on this bonus week, we've got our Live Show LENT...
Logic and Treason OR: Moving the Goalposts
16 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
A battle of logic. A widower's woe. An apartment move, interrupted. Truly, these are Weird Times in Piss Harbor.WE MAKE ANOTHER PODCAST: Oh...
The Virgin Suisux (with special guest Abdul Aziz)
02 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When a bounty is called on Christ Sux (special guest Abdul Aziz) our heroes take the case. But maybe they should be less focus on the bounty, and more...
Do You Believe In MURDER? (With special guests Jess O'Brien and Cohen Edenfield)
19 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Our crew of fearless Bounty Hunters take on their toughest assignment- stage magicians (special guests Jess O'Brien and Cohen Edenfield)!! What is tru...
Binge Night
05 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Now, Piss Harbor isn't known as an especially lawful town. No sir. But that's even moreso the case on Binge Night—the one night of the year when all...
Jacked Into the Mainframe: Digital Style.0 (with special guest Zac Oyama)
20 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Allies scattered. Partnerships tested. Mayors...Anti-ed? All this and more on another incredible episode of Rude Tales of Magic!Huge thanks to our spe...
Rebel Without a Support System (with special guest Jordan Morris)
06 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The streets of Piss Harbor are full of folks you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. Hell, I wouldn't want to meet anyone in a dark alley. Let's go...
The Polite Child's Guide to Life (With special guest Jamie Loftus)
23 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The Rude Tales gang is excited to have Jamie Loftus join them for a wild adventure in Piss Harbor. I just hope everyone has good manners! But could so...
A Real Live Adult (with special guest Waleed Mansour)
09 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
As the crew gets hired to bring in their toughest bounty yet (special guest WALEED MANSOUR), shocking discoveries are made, a widow craves vengeance, ...
Yuletide Kombat Family 3: GREEK GOD EDITION
26 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…yeah, an open fire tended to by HESTIA! That’s right, the third ever episode of Yuletide Kombat Family is Greek...
The Man in the Arena (with special guest Jon Gabrus)
12 Dec 2023
Contributed by Lukas
When Piss Harbor Boxer Thickie Thunder (special guest Jon Gabrus) fails to take a fall in a big match, it's up to our heroes (or our bad guys? We're s...
[New Campaign Premiere] Who's Your Daddy?
28 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
WEIRD TIMES IN PISS HARBOR CHAPTER 1.Piss Harbor. A town where crime and danger always flow. The kind of place where Cordelia's most badass bounty hun...
TRAILER: Weird Times in Piss Harbor- Premiering NEXT WEEK!
21 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
11.28.23A new chapter begins...See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-...
And Just Like That...
14 Nov 2023
Contributed by Lukas
After an epic quest through Cordelia to Hell itself, our heroes find themselves face to face with the man behind all of their hardships: Lexicon Matte...
HALLOWEEN SPECIAL: Blood Tales of Depravity 2: Mummy Issues
31 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Listen, if you SCARE! Light up the cauldron and sell your soul to the lowest bidder, for Ru-no, I'm sorry-BLOOD TALES OF DEPRAVITY returns for another...
Nice ?!?
17 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Absolutely famished from the previous 68 episodes, the gang stops in at a local diner!BEEP BEEP: Our first livestream show in YEARS is Thursday, Octob...
Hell Rules (with special guest Caldwell Tanner)
03 Oct 2023
Contributed by Lukas
As our now TOTALLY KILLED PARTY take stock of their new, Hellish surroundings (spoiler: it's Hell), perhaps they would do well to enlist a guide of so...
Boy Do We Ever Have Such Sights!
19 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The gang arrives back on campus for the new semester and-what?? Polaris University is gone? It's now a "Forbidden Zone"?? Boy I have got to start pay...
It Looks Like You're Trying To Save Your School
05 Sep 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Our heroes try to soldier on following the events of last episode, but as they approach the Forbidden Zone, the dangers only increase. Would they like...
SUMMER SPECIAL: Summer Draft '23
22 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
While we're sure you're desperate to hear the next chapter of our gripping tale, the back half of August is a time to slow down, relax, and enjoy thos...
Enter the Mother, Part 3
08 Aug 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Good News and bad news. To learn more about our brand new Patreon tiers, or to check out the sweet existing tiers, head to-where else?- Patreon! WE...
Enter the Mother, Part 2
25 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Deep beneath the Soaking Va-sorry, Soaking MOTHER, our heroes find themselves face to face with some familiar faces, but has anyone been spared by th...
Enter The Mother, Part 1
11 Jul 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Do you remember the first time you took a long trip away from home, and then came back, and found some small detail had changed? Maybe the 7-Eleven re...
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Cottage
27 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
We know the Rude crew loves a cottage, but how will they react when confronted with our *jolliest* NPC yet? Why, it's probably going to go great! I be...
[Patreon Preview] MÖRK BORG
21 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
"One day all will blacken and burn. Just as the Two-Headed Basilisks have predicted. The world is dying, time is short." Today we're playing MÖRK B...
Come Glide With Me
13 Jun 2023
Contributed by Lukas
There there, friend. Please, rest on this comfortable, padded stool. It can be so hard to download a podcast, but somehow you've done it. Well done! W...
A Classic Case of Manassas, Virginia
30 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
A thrilling tale told in a convenient "downloadable" audio format to fit your your active lifestyle! FEATURING: -An exceedingly pleasant demon summon...
It's Fly Time, Baby!
16 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
As our heroes depart the Woods Beyond the Woods, they find themselves one step closer to Hell. But those dark storm clouds on the horizon, are they ...
BONUS: For the Queen 2023
02 May 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Respect her! Honor her! EXALT HER!Our jesters five- Branson, Carly, Chris, Joe, and Tim, gather to tell a tale of Queenly love and Queenly mystery. Wh...
Rude Tales of Magic: Trailer
11 Apr 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Rude Tales of Magic is coming to Headgum! Listen every other Tuesday as Branson Reese and his jester's retinue, Christopher Hastings, Carly Monardo, T...
Revelations 2: 2Rev2lations: Final Revelation
27 Feb 2023
Contributed by Lukas
Flipcup's in this one! He's kind of "our" Grogu.Sam Grant helped to edit this ep, what a dang champ!WE MAKE ANOTHER PODCAST: Oh These Those Stars...
TEASER: Tim's Made of Bugs & Ali Fisher's NEW Sleepventure
19 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
BUY TIX TO TIM HERE LISTEN TO ALI's SLEEPVENTURE HERE Tim Platt (Colbert, Sesame Street, Rude Tales of Magic) is a comedian who writes songs about bug...
Revelations
19 Jan 2023
Contributed by Lukas
The, admittedly questionable, hippie idyll of The Woods Beyond the Woods has been shattered, and everything that can go wrong, does. After tonight, no...
Yuletide Kombat Family: CHEF EDITION
22 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
Yuletide Kombat Family is a game where holiday themed characters fight to save Christmas. This time, however, the Rude Tales crew puts a whole new spi...
Wolves
20 Dec 2022
Contributed by Lukas
At long last the gang has finally gotten days of rest in a hippie sasquatch commune with no "catches" or "hidden problems" or anyone trying to "kill" ...
ALERT: Have Yourself a Merchy Little Flipcup
21 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
We have LOTS of new stuff in store and the new designs are WILD(ly good). Order by December 4th to receive the new stuff before the holidays! rudetale...
Relics
08 Nov 2022
Contributed by Lukas
*HURRY UP AND GET TICKETS TO SEE TIM'S NEW LIVE SHOW!!! THIS FRIDAY!!* https://nycomedyfestival.com/lineup/made-of-bugs-with-tim-platt/ A man walks do...
Into the Woods
13 Oct 2022
Contributed by Lukas
There's simply no rest for the wicked. Reeling after the Battle of Brian Doyle Falls, the gang can barely catch a break as their brief respite is cut ...
Departures
21 Sep 2022
Contributed by Lukas
To escape the guardian of Brian Doyle Falls, some of the gang must make the ultimate sacrifice. Specifically Debonesby and Stirfry, who both die in th...