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Chapter 1: What are the initial thoughts about finding nudes on a phone?
You man was seeing me like bloodshot eyes leave before work on Saturday. Because I'm not slept thinking about tonight. I'm not slept because I'm petrified for what's going to happen tonight. Oh my God.
girls welcome in yes sir fear and rem and i just got back from our pampering boys weekend yes so necessary mom it was so so nice your skin's glowing oh thank you bro from your facial do you have you had a facial facial yeah um can i say something sorry god no no yeah go say whatever you want i'm sorry let me test the too much No. You sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool.
I don't want to annoy you today. No, no, it's fine. What was I going to say? Yeah, so we had a massage, right? You booked us a lovely massage spot for all five of us on the weekend. And I was saying once we were done that... I think we started at like 10.30 and we're done at like one.
It's long. It's too long to be on the massage bed. It's long.
Chapter 2: How did the weekend pampering experience unfold?
My blood wasn't flowing anymore. I'll hold my hands up. I had no idea it was all that jazz. Obviously, it's not your fault. Don't get me. I'm not blaming you or anything.
It's just more so a case of... they shouldn't be offering that package.
They shouldn't be offering that package whatsoever. That package, it shouldn't be an option, bro.
So just for context, it was a body scrub. That was nice. A full body, which was nice. A full body massage, a scalp massage, and a facial. Yeah. And all of that was an hour and a half. And I think, so we had the scrub first, which was cool, which was nice. I've never had one before. And then the full body massage, I just knew it wouldn't really do much for me because my home girl was so dainty.
You needed a guy. I needed someone to get in there. And if I felt her forearm shaking, it was more resistance training for her. than relaxation for me. And I was just there, bro. And then when she was done with that, she had to do my scalp, pause, and then she had to do my facial. And I was like, I'm just lying here for so long.
Yeah, it was a long time.
I felt my back was stiff. Yeah, I felt so cranky. I was like, this shouldn't be an option. But fair play to them though. An hour and a half, it couldn't be me. If I was the therapist, it just could not be me.
Yeah, I was already... I was doing maths for Homegirl in case she wanted to go solo. I wasn't talking to her, but I was just doing it in my head. What do you mean? Because I was thinking, I know how much this treatment thing costs. Yeah. This is long. Yeah. And I was thinking, I wonder how much she's making out of how much. Because it was like... The whole thing was like 300 each. Okay.
And I'm thinking... I would be surprised if she's even getting half. I'd be very surprised.
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Chapter 3: What were the reactions to the massage and facial treatments?
And then it skipped over my head. And it was only once I was on the bed that I was like, fuck, I don't want to do the facial. And then, this is pathetic. I was working up to it for like an hour.
so after the scrub yeah obviously took a shower yeah yeah and then we had the massage so i was thinking all right i'm assuming pre no post massage pre-facial she's there's going to be another two minute break while she sets up for the facial so in that period i'm going to say if it's all right with you and i was even pre-planning the words i was going to use i didn't want to go in hot and be like i don't want the facial like a breakup yeah i'm
I was overthinking, overthinking, overthinking. And I was like, right, right, right, right, right, right. I need to do it. I need to do it. And then midway through my massage, she's like, all right, roll over. And then she started doing like my arms and all this kind of stuff. And then out of nowhere, she just went straight into the facial. Yeah, no comms. And I was like, fuck. Yeah, no comms.
It's too late. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your skin's going too, by the way. Oh, thanks. Yeah, yeah. Just to clarify. Yours too, Ram. Thank you. Actually, no, it actually is though. It actually is, to be fair. I'm not even just saying it.
Thanks.
But yeah, as soon as she started, I was like, fuck, I've missed it. And then I was just going through my head thinking Toe's pretty stuck by himself. And then this is dead. And then he was stuck by himself because he was the first one in there when I came out, which broke my heart. But it was a long time. I was getting cranky. So cranky, man.
Yeah, they shouldn't be offering that service whatsoever.
Or at least... because obviously with the Rolls Royce package, as they call it, you do the scalp, you get the scalp and the facial. They should offer one of them, not both of them.
Yes. I didn't need the scalp or the scrub. I didn't need both. Yeah, neither did I. You can also make that scrub like five minutes. If you're going to make it part of the package, it doesn't need to be some half an hour take. She could have just done that quick, quick, quick.
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Chapter 4: What are the financial implications of spa treatments discussed?
So I skipped the scalp and then I did a re-moisturizing kind of under eye treatment.
Fair.
Fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. I was snoozy afterwards. Same bro. Snoozy. The sauna was good though. Sauna was good.
It was really good.
It was the gayest thing though. From the outside of looking in. It was only gay because of how small the sauna was. Yeah. That's all. Five blacks squeezed up. I've never touched another human in a sauna. I was squeezed up in there with you, man. Yeah, it was very squeezed up. And then my shoulder kept slipping on Jay's shoulder.
And I was like, yuck! This is so yuck!
Oh!
I hated it.
Yeah, and we were just all sweating in there.
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Chapter 5: How did the conversation shift to personal relationships and trust?
And I was like, wow, we're really out here. That's another thing, yeah. If a helpless ting walked past and saw that and then saw your hands, should have been like, Jesus fucking Christ. What's been going on in there? Yeah. Because saunas, they're a gay hotspot, by the way. Didn't know. Yeah. Interesting. Type in gay sauna. I'm not joking. I've heard rumors, bro. Gay sauna in London? Yeah, bro.
Oh. Sweat mock Soho. Yeah, bro. Pleasure drone. Pleasure drone. The locker room. Drone is crazy. Pleasure drone. Yeah, Gay London Guide 2026, gay saunas and bathhouses. Bro, I'm telling you, man. Wow. I'm not making this stuff up. Interesting. Yeah, one of my old clients used to go to sauna every Saturday. A gay one? Yeah.
Fair play to him.
Yeah, he loved it. I'm not surprised. He loved it. Yeah, the gays get their freak on, man. Bro. Gays get their frequency. They just live that. They'll intertwine sex into anything. Toilet, yeah, sex. Sauna, sex. Park, yeah. Park, yeah. Club, bar, anything, yeah.
Sex.
Why has he got to be wearing shorts? Bro, this is his promo vid. Obviously, it's appealing to the market.
Yeah, so I hear you.
I'm not mad at you.
I'm not mad at you, yeah. But yeah, bro, they're getting after it. Target audience. Oh, my goodness. Straight to the bar afterwards in a towel. This guy's slicked up. Beer and batty. Would you... If you're an up-and-coming actor... Right.
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Chapter 6: What humorous anecdotes are shared about past relationships?
Not like sex, but like whatever comes across my desk.
Would you do all this?
Yeah, bro. I'd be chilling in there with them, man. They're not touching each other. Yeah, also true. And also, I know my manager, I've told you a hundred times, I get sold on the feeling, bro. If my manager's good at their job, they will twang me and be like, this shows your range. This shows your range, bro. This is what the agencies and the casting directors need to see.
So you just doing this as a quick back... Would you do that?
The Zoom is crazy. The focus. Would you do all this? Yeah, all of it. So, okay. Let's say, let's say struggling actor 10 years ago. You've done this now and you're at the peak of this career. And then this has resurfaced. Bearing in mind, people think you're gay already.
Yeah, I'll be livid obviously, but... I'll just explain. I needed to check. This advert is long.
Yeah, it's the longest advert I've ever seen. This advert is long, bro.
There's no loop.
What's this? This is the longest advert ever. There's no loop. Okay. Okay. It's the longest advert ever.
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Chapter 7: What are the insights on societal perceptions of masculinity?
Is there a specific room for Cheeks? Or are they just banging in the sauna? I reckon changing rooms. Where it's just suspected to be, well, it should be more private. Private, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough, bro. That was the longest promo vid ever. Wow. Yeah, that really spa bar. Wow, that really was the longest ad of all time.
They've even got- Oh, credits. Bro, they got credits, bro.
Wow. I've never seen such a thing. Wow. That's nuts. The pleasure drone. We never close. Open 24-7. I just saw that. We never close. That's too much for me. That's cleanliness. Immediately my mind goes to cleanliness. What do you mean you never close? Yeah, there's not everywhere. Yeah, drain the pool. Everywhere there's not. Yeah, okay, it's too much now. Stop that. Fair play to him though.
There's a market for everything. Long story short, yes, I would do that. If it resurfaced now, obviously I'd be livid, but I'd be like, guys, I needed the money. Did I lips anyone? No. It's clear. It's clear. Yeah. All the models were straight.
Mm-hmm.
Not that it matters, but we were, and it was just a one day shoot. They paid me two grand. I needed it. I had rent to pay. Sue me. I'll do it again. But yeah, same for you. Oh, rags, bro. Rags, rags, rags, rags, rags.
Especially knowing that I'm, knowing I'm an ex, I can't get my words out. Knowing I'm an aspiring actor, I should already know that I can't pick my roles. Well, I can, but I can't. You know what I mean? I have to fit the role that they're trying to give me.
Yeah. Pretend, bro. I have to just pretend, bro. You're a professional pretender. There we go. I just have to lock in. So, yeah. But yeah, I would have, it's long. I would have, I would have done it.
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Chapter 8: How does the episode conclude with reflections on personal growth?
Like I said, me and Rembrandt trying to do Cavendish Nights, bro. I was down for anything. That was pre-butlers? Pre-butlers, yeah. We were trying to be male escorts. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know how we couldn't afford the sign-on fee? Yeah. That's what stopped us. That was our barrier. I don't remember how much it was. It was a lot. Was it? In context. I think, no, you know what?
I think it was actually like 50 quid.
Yeah.
But that to me was a lot. Yeah, of course. I didn't even have that for food shopping. Yeah, there we go. So yeah, I couldn't afford the 50 quid sign-on fee to be a male escort. Yeah, lol. I couldn't. Do you know how broke you have to be that you can't afford to sell your body? Yeah. Yeah. And it's nothing to do with how you look.
Do you know what I mean?
It's nothing to do with how you look whatsoever. I couldn't afford to sell my body. Wow. What's this? Cavendish Nights is the UK's largest and longest running male escort agency, boasting over 20 years of experience in providing non-sexual male escort services. They offer diverse selection of over 3,000 well-mannered and 3,000 is a lot. That's a lot, man. Oh my God.
Well-mannered and interesting male escort suitable for various occasions, such as dinner dates, weddings, and business functions. Oh, I would have scooped up them fucking weddings, bro.
Yeah. Bro. Yeah.
The agency emphasizes the companionship aspect, ensuring that their escorts are not only good looking, but also engaging conversation. That's what you'd like. I would like, I would, I would like, I would like, I would like, uh,
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