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SmartLess

"Laura Dern"

08 Dec 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What insights does Laura Dern share about her childhood in a Hollywood family?

6.157 - 31.691 Will Arnett

Hey, gang. Jason Bateman here doing a cold open for SmartLess. I'm all by myself. I don't have the other two guys. So this is the horrifying look into what this podcast would be without Sean Hayes and Will Arnett. Just me talking gaps. No fun. No humor. Nothing interesting. Welcome to SmartLess.

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48.901 - 66.241 Will Arnett

All right, so listener, we've got Will beaming in from Bozeman, Montana. We've got Sean P. Hayes there in downtown Hollywood. Oh, there it is. Scotty is applying chapstick onto Sean's lips because that's the role they like to play.

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Chapter 2: How did Laura Dern prepare for her role in 'Is This Thing On?'

66.762 - 68.965 Will Arnett

Wow. That just happened.

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69.545 - 74.851 Sean Hayes

Yeah. Well, Jason threatened that he'd do it, and I made him do it.

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74.871 - 83.821 Will Arnett

Does Scotty ever call from the restroom? I'm done, Sean. Wipey. Okay.

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85.664 - 88.168 Unknown

No, no, no. Not in a while.

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89.15 - 96.442 Will Arnett

Willie, don't you miss the days? Don't you miss the days of wiping the bums and changing the diaper and the whole like shushing them to bed?

96.462 - 98.365 Sean Hayes

And then what about doing that to your kids?

98.345 - 103.351 Jason Bateman

Oh, Sean, you son of a gun. I do miss it.

Chapter 3: What challenges did Laura face while filming 'Jurassic Park'?

103.992 - 114.145 Jason Bateman

We just sort of, especially now that my little guy is five. He just seems like such a big boy now. You're still kind of doing it a little bit. Yeah, but he just seems like such a big boy now.

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114.385 - 116.067 Sean Hayes

When is he six? When is his birthday?

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116.447 - 117.749 Jason Bateman

In May. Oh, yeah.

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118.049 - 119.051 Will Arnett

Yeah. How about that?

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119.452 - 119.772 Jason Bateman

Yeah.

119.852 - 124.761 Will Arnett

Now, Sean, you know, we can cut this in. This is getting too personal.

124.781 - 128.768 Jason Bateman

Oh, we can cut this in. We can cut this into the middle of another episode and drop it in.

Chapter 4: What memorable experiences did Laura Dern have working with David Lynch?

128.788 - 134.798 Will Arnett

Have you and Scotty ever had a serious conversation about maybe adopting?

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134.963 - 154.912 Sean Hayes

You know, it's funny you say that. Yes, but no, like I, it's unfortunate that now, right now at this age is the time I'm like, oh boy, I could really have a kid. I think it'd be really fun to be a dad. But unfortunately it's too, it feels like it's too late because of the energy that it requires and all that. Energy, yes.

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154.932 - 161.9 Will Arnett

And so I feel like my brain- That's what a staff is for, Sean. I can see you're so staffed up. Couldn't you, Will? Oh, yeah.

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161.92 - 170.871 Sean Hayes

Like three night nurses, four nannies. Yeah, but then I would feel bad about the kid because the kid wouldn't, like, I'd have to take it to Disneyland. I'd be too tired.

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171.492 - 180.343 Will Arnett

Yeah, but you'd be like the old millionaire distant unavailable dad in the wheelchair barking orders.

Chapter 5: How does Laura view the concept of 'nepo babies' in Hollywood?

182.753 - 192.916 Sean Hayes

Yeah, from the... No, but I mean, you know what I mean? Like my brain is there, but like I... My brain came too late. I think you'd be great no matter what.

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192.936 - 200.273 Jason Bateman

Me too. Me too. I know what would happen is it would happen and you would be absolutely obsessed, Sean, in the best way possible.

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200.253 - 202.155 Will Arnett

Yeah, and 50 is the new 30.

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202.536 - 206.741 Jason Bateman

Oh, no, what are you going to do? Your headphones are plugged in. You took your sweater off. I know.

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207.081 - 211.446 Sean Hayes

I can't unplug the fucking. I took my sweater off over my headphones.

211.466 - 215.812 Will Arnett

This is the guy who tries to take his sweater off in the car when he's driving. You know what, JB?

Chapter 6: What does Laura Dern reveal about her acting process and emotional vulnerability?

215.992 - 217.213 Will Arnett

I think it's better he didn't have a kid.

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217.474 - 218.915 Jason Bateman

You know what I mean? I just saw that.

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220.757 - 225.383 Will Arnett

I need a parent. Can you imagine him trying to collapse a stroller? Oh, my God.

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226.291 - 235.107 Jason Bateman

By the way... Trying to get it in the trunk. It would collapse me. Nothing tests your intellect more than trying to figure out how to collapse one of those strollers.

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235.267 - 243.262 Will Arnett

Or by putting in a car seat and trying to strap in the seat belt thing behind it and the anchors.

243.522 - 251.516 Jason Bateman

I'm still in the booster phase. I'm out of the full car seat, but I am still in the booster phase. And it is... I still do have... Sweaty moments. Yep.

Chapter 7: What is Laura's perspective on the evolution of her career?

251.536 - 257.946 Jason Bateman

I'm trying to find the thing, the hook underneath, and I'm like, just one second, one second, and then I'm, oh, God.

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258.507 - 267.3 Sean Hayes

But a lot of parents are really bad marketers at it because the second the baby goes crazy and is having a tantrum and it's in its arms, they look over their shoulder and they mouth to you. They go...

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268.293 - 268.975 Unknown

I know.

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268.995 - 274.229 Sean Hayes

Do you know what I mean? And you're just like, well, now I don't want to because I just so witnessed that.

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274.249 - 280.065 Jason Bateman

Yeah, but those are just the moments, you know? What was the line, Sean, that you used to always use? You'd say, like, I'd have kids.

280.086 - 284.277 Sean Hayes

I'd rather regret not having them than have them and regret it later.

284.257 - 290.584 Jason Bateman

Yeah, it's a great line. It should be on a greeting card. I mean, it's just, it's abstract, but it's great. Warming. Yeah.

Chapter 8: What are Laura Dern's thoughts on the importance of emotional connections in storytelling?

291.946 - 292.367 Jason Bateman

I don't know.

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292.427 - 294.129 Will Arnett

Boy, listen, you got Ricky, you know?

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294.309 - 294.729 Jason Bateman

Yeah, by the way.

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294.749 - 297.192 Will Arnett

And Ricky doesn't talk back. He just barks every once in a while.

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297.593 - 304.341 Jason Bateman

Barely, but... I saw JB last... Sean, I haven't seen you in forever. I know. I haven't seen you in forever. Yeah, I saw Sweet Willie last night.

304.601 - 308.005 Will Arnett

Oh, where? At this event. Some fancy dancey thing.

308.405 - 309.506 Sean Hayes

Oh, the governor's thing.

310.047 - 310.587 Jason Bateman

That's it.

310.607 - 312.029 Will Arnett

I didn't know that was last night.

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