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Chapter 1: What are Jonny and Richard's thoughts on the new Ferrari Luce?
I'm Johnny Smith. I'm Richard Porter. And this is Smith & Sniff, a podcast in which two friends talk about cars and many other things. Remember the iron curtain?
I do.
Yes, I think it's still folded up in the loft, actually. We don't get much use out of it.
It comes down now and again and we have a sing-song.
It's always, oh shit, Leonid Brezhnev's coming round for a cup of tea. Get the old iron curtain out, make him feel at home. No, I do remember the iron curtain.
And do you remember when certain products were stamped with made in West Germany or made in East Germany? Yes.
Yeah. Well, I always get a great delight from a retro made in West Germany sticker. Yeah. On an old Volkswagen or something. Yes. But like an 80s Volkswagen, because it's almost like you see it and you go, oh, wow. The people who put on that sticker knew what was coming. They would have blown their minds. Yes. Soon there'd been more Trabants on the road and then...
Germany would have just, they could drop the West bit. It would just be Germany again.
Saves time. Now, without wanting to immediately break into winds of change off of the Scorpions, the reason why I brought this up, there is a point to this, a car point. It's the fact that there's been a couple of cars launched recently. And we'll talk about those in a second, i.e. Ferrari and also an AMG.
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Chapter 2: What issues are identified with the latest VW Transporter?
But the other car that has made me think about the Iron Curtain is, you know, the current Volkswagen Transporter? The transit-based one? Yeah, is it T7? It's T7, isn't it? I suppose it is, yeah. T7. Have you stared at it for a little while?
Not stared, but I've started seeing them around and I always go, oh, could they have done anything more? Because it's so obviously a transit.
Well, OK, so, guys, look, here's what I think. It looks like East Germany tried to copy West Germany and go, we can make a really good Volkswagen Transporter and no one will know that it's an East German version that's a bit cheap and copy-y and perhaps the build quality's not there. And they go, they're... West Germany's got the T6. We've got the T7. There it is. It's just as good.
And everyone goes, doesn't look right.
But it's not, is it?
Doesn't look right, I'm afraid. And I really dislike the face of it. It just looks like a shit fight mask to me. Like, I don't know, a terrible war mask. But the AMG, what's the name of that? The new AMG that was released?
I think officially it is the AMG GT 4-door. It's the new 4-door. Which has already existed, but this is like, it's probably some combination of AMG GT 4-door EV.
Yes.
Something like that.
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Chapter 3: How do Jonny and Richard feel about the AMG GT 4-door design?
Yeah, it does. But then the back is... Amateur hour, the back end of it, with those round lights and things and that black panel, but everything's at the wrong scale. I just think it's absolutely piss poor, and it boggles my mind that they went, yep, that's it, guys, that's the one.
Do you know what the back of it reminds me of? It reminds me of when people with a small head buy really huge sunglasses and it doesn't quite work on their head, and you just look at it and go... Yes, yes.
But they're too big for your face, so they don't really have any... So that light mask, that black rear light mask, that's like oversized shades, which maybe on some people's faces it works, but on your face, AMG GT, I'm sorry it doesn't work on your face. Sorry.
Mm-hmm.
So I think you're right about the... I've looked at it a lot, and I think we are now at peak Mercedes-confused design house. Mercedes does not know what to do. It's tried some stuff, and it's clearly good at aero, but it just doesn't know. It's lost.
I'm hoping we'll see a change now, because after many years, Gordon Wagner, the head of design at Mercedes, is stepping down. Yeah. And he was the boss. The blame must lie with him for... I think years. I was thinking about it because I've been doing a bit of motorway work in the last few days, and I saw a new C-Class that was in some traffic in the next lane to us.
And I just went, oh, it's a terribly soft-looking car, almost like the 90s are back. You know how everything went very soft but kind of flabby?
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Chapter 4: What nostalgic memories do they share about 'Made in West Germany' stickers?
And I think Mercs have been flabby for a few years. There's just not enough tension in the metalwork. And the new C-Class is sort of melty and flabby. And then I saw a new E-Class. And that's not quite right either. No. It's just too soft. It's like the clay model melted. Yeah, you're right. Well, the S-Class, I think, has still got a little bit more kind of... Of the necessary gravitas.
But, you know, that is the thing. It's always like, I think the last E-Class and the last C-Class were not bad. They were sort of quite handsome cars and they looked like shrunken S-Classes, but they did it well. And now they've just gone really light.
They just look like they've taken the old models, but like they made an exquisite model of the old ones out of soap and then ran it under a hot tap for a couple of minutes and then went, that'll do. Yeah. It's just not good enough.
No, I don't think I could put it better. With trying to be as much a motoring journalist as possible, I think what they're trying to do is they need to be aerodynamically efficient, and they're doing that. But it's come at the cost of the car doesn't feel confident. It doesn't look confident on the road. The wheel and tyre and arch and... Something, the combination doesn't look strong.
It's like they have brought out a whole swathe of designs and they're not really believing in themselves. You know when other people get dressed by specialists? Oh, where people go for a makeover, yes. So they've gone for a makeover. I've taken you for a makeover, and you're wearing a combination of very designery clothes, but also some high street-y stuff. But you haven't assembled it.
But you're being told to just go with it. You trust this person who's dressed you. It could be Gok Wan. Okay. And Gok's going, yeah, go on, just do it. And you've walked out, and a few people have immediately clocked. Richard shouldn't be dressed like that. That's not him. That's not how he should roll. It's not my taste.
So I can't, I just don't feel comfortable.
No.
I don't feel myself.
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Chapter 5: What corrections do they discuss regarding the Vauxhall Chevette?
You know that thing where the front wheels on a lot of Mercedes for the last, I'm going to say 20 years, have been slightly too inboard. Look at a second generation ML or a third generation SLK. The front wheels, they need spacers, and the factory decided no. And I don't know how it happened like that, because obviously big car companies have lots of internal...
sort of parameters for things like snow chain clearance.
Yeah, there's things that most customers never have to consider.
Yeah. Well, there's loads of stuff in Bob Lutz's book, his bean counters versus the car guys, or the other way around, about this kind of stuff. And GM's internal standards were so strict, they were actually ridiculous. And a lot of them were sort of like, they set them up in the 1930s or 50s and never changed them. And one of his jobs was to go in and go...
Don't think you need to, you know, just make sure that it's perfectly capable of driving on an unpaved road through Nebraska, because Nebraska now has paved all of its roads that cars use. They just hadn't bothered to change their standards. And it meant that they couldn't put low profile tyres on cars because the same way that, you know, so BMW could, because that wouldn't meet standards.
their unpaved road standards or something. So then the cars just didn't look quite as cool and sporty when they should have done. But I don't know what's going on with Mercedes. I just think it's just, I don't know, bad leadership.
But the other thing is the AMG GT four-door wasn't a high-selling car anyway. So why don't you- No, you never see them. Stop making lots. Do less things better. Just please do. And this is a cry out for so many car manufacturers at the moment. Do less, better, please. Because I don't want to sound too jaded, but I'm quite jaded. About the car market.
So on the front of it, there's something mustachioed going on there, but you know large whales have those almost like piano grill mouths which sift the krill. We've talked about krill sifting. Yes, yeah, yeah.
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Chapter 6: Who is the 'No Name Full Suspension Mountain Bike Guy'?
It's got a krill sifting mouth, so large sediment won't go through. Small sediment will go through. That's what the AMG GT4 mouth is. It's krill mouth. Yeah. But car krill mouth, not driver.
Yeah, and not done well. It's just... And not done well. I don't know. I'm going to have another look at it, but it just boggled my mind that I thought it was just awful.
But... It's as if the Eastern Bloc went, for sure, we're going to bring out a sports car for the Western market. And everyone looked at it and went, hmm... There's some elements there that would work, but you've stretched them or compressed them or made them out of Cadbury's cream egg and then left it under a hot light. Something.
It is. We just go, oh, it's come out of Czechoslovakia. It's a company you've never really heard of before because their main business is making cannons or something.
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
They've had a go at a sports car. Yeah. Oh, bless them. They're trying well. But unfortunately, because this is the Cold War... their only access to pictures of Western sports cars was through a Telex machine. And they were coming through a bit smeary and fuzzy and in black and white. And so they've done their best, but they don't really know what a proper sports car looks like. So they've tried.
But no, this is the Mercedes Corporation of Germany. And they have a... Long history of making cars. Actually, probably the longest. And so they should know what they're doing by now.
All of the history of making cars.
All of the history.
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Chapter 7: What insights do they provide about being left-handed?
For sure. Is that wise? I'm doing it anyway. so yeah and i was trying to think when i saw these sort of flabby dad bod c-class and e-class the other day i was suddenly thinking right what was the last properly good looking mercedes and i think the e-class coupe was not bad is that when it do you mean is that when it went quite soap bar that was the beginning of the soap bar
bit so far but no that the sort of the last one i think it's still around actually but it that i think is is is not bad and obviously the cls not the current one i think it's lost its way a little bit but the previous cls i found very pleasing and the of course the shooting break as well a delightful car i had one yeah it was great i saw one the other day really lovely car to drive and to look at
What about the AMG GT? I still think is a great looking car. Oh, yes. Man, I keep looking at those on classifieds. I keep looking at AMG GTs. The R is my favourite, but that is more money. Yes. But you can get an AMG GT around the same money as a BMW i8. Very different beasts. Very different beasts. But both those cars are hovering around £35,000. Yikes.
I mean... That's a lot of interesting motor for the money.
The only thing I didn't like about the AMG GT is I thought it felt very wide. So on a lot of British roads, you're a little bit tense that the car is too wide for the road if it's a narrow sort of country road. But the R, which we mentioned... I had one of the drives of my life in one of those cars. Did you?
I did too.
Across Luxembourg, Belgium, to the Belgian Grand Prix. And that road, it was really early. We got up absolutely crack of dawn to get to the circuit before we got busy. And it was a beautiful morning and the road was just deserted. And I had a fabulous drive in that car. My goodness, what a thing.
I know. Well, look, I'm willing to sell a shitload of pictures of my toes if someone will buy me an AMG GTR. But it has to be the R for the toes. I won't... Not the normal GT. I thought you were going to say you'd go a bit more spicy for the R. Normal GT toes, but... Well, look, I haven't specified what I'd do with the toes, but if the spec's right and it feels right, I'll do it. Do it...
Am I right in thinking that people who have a very sort of particular interest will pay for money of people like treading on jelly or blancmange or something?
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Chapter 8: What interesting find do they share from Car & Classic?
And Smith & Sniff listeners can use the codes SSG150 or SSG300 to get up to £300 off. This podcast is sponsored by Heatable on Toast.
It's just heatable. Sorry. Someone we know who is a very senior car journalisty person was one of the lucky few who went to a preview of the new all-electric Ferrari Lucy Goosey, which was announced. Yes.
last week and so he got to see it a few days early yeah and i said how is it and he said he didn't like it and i said it can't be worse than that new amg gt and he said it is oh and having now seen the ferrari i disagree with him I think the Ferrari is, I have thoughts about the Ferrari, but I don't think it is fundamentally as disgusting as the AMG, which is just a ball dropped.
Because you go, I know that is a Mercedes slash AMG. I could sort of tell that, but it's just a bad one.
Yes.
I think the Ferrari's issue for me is that it doesn't look anything like a Ferrari. Yeah. If we had seen that and it would be like, oh, this is, I don't know, Tesla's new design direction. Yeah. Or this is a new company from China that's coming in. you'd go, all right, that's kind of... It's not just totally predictable, is it?
I mean, it's got some fairly sort of mad things on it, not least the wipers and the way that then the screen just drops down through the bonnet, effectively, with a black panel. Yeah. You'd go... I don't hate it. It's got some interesting details.
Yeah, no, I don't hate it. I hate the AMG, I would say. I think when you said it was disgusting, I thought to myself, that's precisely what I was thinking. The Ferrari, see, what's amusing about the Ferrari is as soon as I saw the profile of it, because it's a four-door, isn't it? It's a slippery four-door. It reminded me of the new electric Dodge Charger.
which I think the new electric Dodge Chargers is a really interesting looking car. But there's one thing about the Dodge Charger, which I haven't seen it in the flesh. We don't get it in the UK. So I haven't actually seen it yet. And I think it suffers from the same thing, the loose. I keep calling it loose. You know, when like girls on a stag do, they're shouting at one another across the bar.
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