Why listening well is harder -- and more powerful -- than you think, with Guy Itzchakov, PhD
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Talking is easy. Listening, not so much. When we think about conversation, we tend to focus on the speaker, his or her ideas, words, gestures, and emotions. But psychologists' research suggests that often it's the listener who sets the tone of such interactions. Quality listening can strengthen relationships and build bridges between people, while poor listening can do the opposite. So what is high quality versus low quality listening? Why is listening well so much harder than it sounds? How can good listening skills help us in our relationships, workplaces, and communities? And what are the limits of listening as a tool for understanding each other? Welcome to Speaking of Psychology, the flagship podcast of the American Psychological Association that examines the links between psychological science and everyday life.
I'm Kim Mills. My guest today is Dr. Guy Ichikov, a professor in the Department of Human Services at the University of Haifa, where he directs the Interpersonal Listening and Social Influence Lab. His research focuses on how high-quality listening affects listeners and speakers' emotions, attitudes, and behaviors, and how listening drives interactions and settings ranging from close relationships to workplaces. His work has appeared in leading journals and publications, including the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Emotion, and the Harvard Business Review. І also writes a blog for psychology today called The Listening Lens. Dr. Ichikov, thank you for joining me today.
Thank you for inviting me. I'm really happy to be here.
Let's start with a basic question. What is high quality listening and what distinguishes it from just everyday listening to another person talk?
But uh it is both a basic and complex question. Uh because there was a study back in nineteen eighty nine that tried to organize the definitions of what is good listening. And even back then they found more than fifty different definitions for what listening is. Um but in a natural What differentiate high-quality listening from ordinary listening or everyday listening is the listener's attempt to really understand. The speaker and the positive a positive intention toward the speaker. So this is what Carl Rogers referred to back in the um more than sixty years ago as a non-judgmental approach.
What distinguishes high‑quality listening from ordinary listening?
Meaning that I don't necessarily have to agree. with what I hear and we all we have d an inner need to evaluate what we hear. However, um listeners can convey that it is the f the speaker has the freedom and the autonomy to express what they say. And when these three dimensions, which manifest in many behaviors, are executed well, people feel heard, they feel listened to and there is a pl plethora, a fountain of positive outcomes for for them.
Who one of the main themes of your work is a good listening deeply affects not just the listener but the speaker as well. What happens to people psychologically when they feel truly listened to, when they feel heard?
So yeah, actually most of our work has focused on people being listened to. So yeah, as you mentioned, on the speakers. Um and the psychological process that we see that is happening, especially in live conversations, uh, which is the the core of the study uh the studies the studies in my lab, is that first speakers relax. Their state anxiety, state social anxiety, evaluation, apprehension reduce. They feel more socially comfortable because of the listening that they receive. Now, this relaxation, this social comfort, if you will, allows them to introspect, think more deeply about what they are saying. And of course, none of this could have been achieved without a good listener. Now, when um they experience such listening, so this emotional process that leads to this cognitive process of deeper introspection um and ability to look at myself from the side and often gain clarity.
gain even complexity to see that what I initially thought what my initial attitude was. Um there are other aspects, often by the way, contradictory to my initial attitude.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:03–2:49
2
What distinguishes high‑quality listening from ordinary listening?
2:49–14:53
3
How does feeling truly heard change a speaker’s emotions and attitudes?
14:53–27:59
4
Why does high‑quality listening reduce defensiveness during disagreements?
27:59–41:38
5
What are the limitations of active‑listening techniques compared to high‑quality listening?
41:38–42:26
Speakers
2 identifiedMore from Speaking of Psychology
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