Stargatezing

Hot Neelix [ATL S1E9]

08 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

FRTS finds a not-at-all-silent-but-deadly gas that can power the gate enough to bring the crew home. But if there is anything wrong, surely our buddy...

Good Tea. Nice Horse. [SG1 S8E9]

01 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We discuss the logistics of keeping horses 26 stories underground. How many horses can you fit down there? Do they get to go to the surface to graze...

C4, please!! [ATL S1E8]

24 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

There's negotiations and trade and surprises and betrayal, but most importantly there's Chief Miles Edward O'Brian! Nice!

Won't Somebody Think of the Shareholders?! [SG1 S8E8]

17 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A billionaire builds an Asgard! Thor is actually available for once! Mary is cool with being a Borg if it improves her marathon time!

Team F-R-T-S [ATL S1E7]

10 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We spend more time talking about dip, Steves, and montages than is probably reasonable. There's some Stargate stuff in there too.

Sexy Candle Tai Chi [SG1 S8E7]

03 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

What catches more attention than a gold forehead tattoo? Being a giant man dressed like you just stepped out of the 70s and taking down a bunch of thu...

Chekhov's Wraith Skeleton [ATL S1E6]

27 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We're gonna go out on a limb here, but we're pretty anti-suicide and anti-child-labor. Thankfully the SG Atlantis team is too.

Joan the Drone [SG1 S8E6]

20 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Hopeless Teal'c is a sad thing to see, but of course the rest of the team has his back. And Kathy is willing to scare the crap out of people for altr...

Scintillating Shirt Conversations [ATL S1E5]

13 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The Earth People and the Athosians don't trust each another. Who could have guessed that? We could. We guessed that.

Full-Spectrum Frequency Hopping [SG1 S8E5]

06 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A devastating war has broken out on a planet. But who cares about all that death and destruction? All that really matters is how it all affects Dani...

Powered By Dead Bodies [ATL S1E4]

28 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

A bunch of stuff happens but none of that is important. All that matters is that we finally learn what happened to the back of Kawalsky's head.

Ba'alogram [SG1 S8E4]

21 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Jack struggles with his new job. Dr. Lee struggles with a giant plant. Some random delegates struggle with negotiations. Ba'al struggles with getti...

The People's Podcast [ATL S1E3]

14 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This episode seems very familiar. Don't they have any A"new"bis ideas?

No Hagfish, Only Slime [SG1 S8E3]

07 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Oh no! A smoke monster! No, not that one from lost. No, not that one from an upcoming episode of Stargate Atlantis. A different one. Secretly mad...

Wraith Truther [ATL S1E2]

31 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We've made some new friends, so does it really matter that we've released a terrible scourge on the galaxy?

A Podcast of Limited Consequenc [ATL S1E1}

24 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Meet John Sheppard. He likes Antarctica and ferris wheels! He's got a magic gene and magic security clearance. He's the Jack of Pegasus! OMG OMG It's ...

Who's Your Daddy? [SG1 S8E2]

17 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Thor defrosts Jack! Fifth builds a girlfriend! The Goa'uld plot is totally sidelined! All versions of Pete suck!

Road Trip! [SG1 S8E1]

10 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Fifth is displeased with Sam. Yu is displeased with snacks. Weir and Daniel are displeased with everything. But Sam and Teal'c are very pleased wit...

Rinkering [SG1 S7E22]

03 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Teal'c and Bratac get betrayed by yet another "rebel jaffa" who is not actually a rebel jaffa. Jack does pretty much all the things you'd expect him ...

Oops [SG1 S7E21]

27 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Life Advice from Mary and Kathy: Watch "Pigs in Space." Don't eat a whole box of donuts. Don't shave sideways. Clean your phone often. Watch this ...

Patriarchy! The Episode [SG1 S7E20]

20 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The boring episode of boringness that we bored our way through.

Comfort Candle [SG1 S7E19]

13 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

"Silence of the Lambs" meets "The X-Files." But stupid. And boring.

A Holiday Story a.k.a. Oops, Kathy's a Hagfish

06 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When we miss a week of recording because Kathy is sick, we get by with a little help from our friend, ChatGPT. Enjoy this holiday/SGC-themed diversio...

Chekhov's Camcorder [SG1 S7E17&18]

30 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pwalter explains his job. Teal'c has no comment. Jack hates Kinsey and loves Mary Steenburgen. Bregman hangs in hallways. We're off to a fun start but...

WWJD? [SG1 S7E16]

22 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The Jaffa don't trust the Tok'ra or Tau'ri. The Tok'ra don't trust the Tau'ri or Jaffa. The Tau'ri don't trust the Jaffa or the Tok'ra. Nobody trusts ...

IEEWOO [SG1 S7 E15]

15 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sam and Daniel are both bad at relationships but for totally different reasons. Teal'c shows off his bench-pressing prowess. Also Jack is there.

Secret Goa'uld [SG1 S7E14]

08 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Everything's fine. We just don't talk about some things. It's fine.

Never Trust a Creepy Space Kid [Sg1 S7E13]

01 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We finally learn the secret that everyone has been dying to know: the full lyrics to 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." Then it's just an episode of "S...

God+ [SG1 S7E12]

25 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Burke makes it rain (Zombie Chalo).vvDaniel plays with his shoe. Anubis likes to connect face to liquid filled hood. Things have gotten weird.

Chekhov's Throwaway Line [SG1 S7E11]

18 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Yes, another "Chekhov's" title. There's an Indiana Jones movie inside this Stargate episode. Mary shares some of the many ways the heart will kill y...

Foreplay Fighting a.k.a. Christopher Judgey [SG1 S7E10]

11 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We suddenly learn that, this whole time all the Jaffa, including Teal'c, have been doing it wrong because a real Jaffa would never kill another Jaffa ...

Perfect Mistakes [SG1 S7 E9]

04 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Sam writes code on a whiteboard. Felger paints minifigs. Chloe ties a tie, kind of. Mary wants coffee. Kathy obsesses over bears. Pretty low stakes ep...

Eat Grievan [SG1 S7E8]

27 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Description idea: It's a very culinary-themed episode! Teal'c and Eamon search for green jello. Sam destroys suns for breakfast. We discuss the fl...

Chakav's Lighter [SG1 S7E7]

20 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Ever seen 'Fern Gully'? Or 'Avatar'? Yeah. It's that.

The Daniel Variety Hour [SG1 S7E6]

13 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's an episode all about Daniel, with special guests: the friends in Daniel's head.

Everybody Loves Pig Milk [SG1 S7E5]

06 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This episode brings up a lot of big questions about life, death, memory, AI, and, most importantly, where does SG-1 keep their hazmat gear?

Death is Really Just Running Away [SG1 S7E4]

30 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Life lessons from SG1: Weakness is unacceptable. You may as well be dead. Don't share needles. Unless you've already shared a half-dead hagfish. ...

John Jacob Jingleheimer O'Neill [SG1 S7E3]

23 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Jack's clothes fit even worse than before when he's turned into a teenager again. Daniel gives false hope to a bunch of alien abductees. Kathy teach...

Why Not TWO Bad Arms? [SG1 S7E2]

16 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Jack shoots a fan. Sam states the obvious. Daniel doesn't remember for NO GOOD REASON. Teal'c makes friends with Ba'aal. Jonas LEAVES. WAAAAHHH. 1.25 ...

Much Star War [SG1 S7E1]

09 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We talk about bears and gardening and Star Wars. Also, Daniel is back. Yay?

Schrödinger's Daniel [SG1 S6E22]

02 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Daniel, what is the point of you? We're not sure we'll ever know, but at least we get a tour of a bunch of different old sci-fi movies with this epis...

A Lung in His Brain?! [SG1 S6E21]

26 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Jonas Quinn can predict what's for lunch! It's applesauce! No, wait, that's just Mr. Mot. They're actually having Mexican.

Hyperdriving With a Lot of Asses [SG1 S6E20]

19 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The SGC is shockingly bad at planning ahead in case things go wrong. For the record, assuming a standoffish alien will come save you is not a good co...

No Gross Pouch, Nice Tummy [SG1 S6E19]

12 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Teal'c's in the hospital! He's a fireman! He has no tattoo! But then he does! He's a Jaffa! And he's in the SGC! And on a battlefield! Don't worry, T....

They All Chose Poorly [SG1 S6E18]

05 Jul 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The SGC's lax security and SG1's tendency to blindly trust everyone they meet gets them in trouble. This description could also be applied to just ab...

The Greatest Hits Of Goa'uld Aircraft [SG1 S6E17]

28 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This is a boring and uneventful podcast description to match a boring and uneventful episode of Stargate SG1.

The Opposite of a Good Good Girl [SG1 S6E16]

21 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Why is everyone so wet? Can an eye on the back of your head and a three-fingered hand really be considered anatomical improvements? How great would...

Murder Me Hard [SG1 S6E15]

14 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

All salad and no utopia make Maybourne something something...

It's a Fake!!! [SG1 S6E14]

07 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When Jack is accused of fake murder, SG 3/4 must clear his name. Teal'c wins at life with stylish outfits, surprise cold cocking, and and the best int...

Dogs and Cats Living Together [SG1 S6E13]

31 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

We all know that you have to suspend disbelief with sci-fi shows, but we draw the line at being asked to believe that an entire city could be put unde...

The Enterprise [SG1 S6E12]

24 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

The Asgard have a bad idea to stop the replicators. When it doesn't work, they have another bad idea for how to fix it. SG1 knows it's a bad idea bu...

She's a Clacky B*tch [SG1 S6E11]

17 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

You will learn more about spam than you probably ever wanted to know and Kathy offers up free virtual hugs! There's also clacky keyboards, Sam doing ...

D*cks on Walls [SG1 S6E10]

10 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Pangolins try to sell SG-1 on the miracle of green coffee bean extract, but it turns out it's just Tok'ra goo from a Hagfish sack. Elsewhere, Jonas a...

Cockrak [SG1 S6E9]

03 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Dogs make for some challenging podcasting. Kathy and Mary come up with some ways that gate technology can save the planet, while also tackling questi...

Scientist Action Heroes [SG1 S6E8]

26 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

When SG-1 is kidnapped by Lord Zoolander, it's up to two bickering nerds to save the day.

Intars for Jonas! [SG1 S6E7]

19 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Everybody on whatever Jonas's planet is called dangles boatloads of naquadria in the SGC's face in exchange for a little (or a lot) of defensive (or o...

I’d rather drink Pilsner than look at people’s feet [SG1 S6E6]

12 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It was a really interesting and high stakes episode! Or a really boring slog of an episode. It depends on which host you ask. But the one thing Mar...

Anyway [SG1 S6E5]

05 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Baby hagfish run amok while Jonas Quinn eats his way through small-town America. Don't worry, friends, the NID are all over it.

Two Doctors, One Fraiser [SG1 S6E4]

29 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Mary's sick. SG1 is sick. The scientists in Antartica are sick. The rando they dug out of the ice is sick. Everyone's sick. Everything is the wor...

Inertianal Dampeningers [SG1 S6E3]

22 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Teal'c doles out the life advice that one should hold their breath for an excessively long time. Pwalter wears his glasses on his head. Teal'c also ha...

Buttspert [SG1 S6E2]

15 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Rodney ruins everything. Jonas Quinn can't lose. Jack is good at cake but bad at elevators. Anubis continues to be a rather feckless villain. And w...

Wacquadah [SG1 S6E1]

08 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Kathy wins the lottery but then claims to lose it so she doesn’t have to share. Sam wears a blue uniform jacket. Jonas is stuck cleaning out all D...

Gummy Bear Wine Out The Nose [SG1 S4E22]

01 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Just convenient plot devices all the way down.

Radioactive Hagfish [SG1 S5E21]

22 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Daniel still can't stop touching stuff. And for a bunch of macguffin reasons, it ends worse for him than usual this time.

Guess What Happens to Grogan [SG1 S5E20]

15 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to Latona! A wretched hive with one normal way in and one back way. Where we hide our most precious technology in an obvious pile of wood and ...

Action Hammond [SG1 S5E19]

08 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Some people just never learn. LIKE THE ENTIRE SGC for example. Also we ask the important questions in life, such as, "Does Hammond wear tear-away pa...

10-Mile Walks For Breakfast [SG1 S5E18]

01 Feb 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Never trust the orderly from "While You Were Sleeping" if he sends you on a suicide mission.

Space Butts [SG1 S5E17]

25 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It’s just "Armageddon" but with more Canadians.

Slime, Poop, and Politics [SG1 S5E16]

18 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Daniel continues to be bad at his job, the Tok'ra don't really understand geometry. Yet again, a person admits to loving Sam and then immediately die...

Yes. THAT poison. [SG1 S5E15]

11 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Daniel's going on a covert op! What could go wrong? Remember Zipacna? Neither did we, but he's back. The Tokra are all wearing pants for once, but...

Super Poopers [SG1 S5E14]

04 Jan 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Teal'c gets stuck in the transporter...er, um, stargate. Jack and Maybourne have an adventure. Sam gets saddled with a useless misogynist. Q gets arre...

Why is this a thing? [SG1 S5E13]

28 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Somebody call Senator Kinsey! The SGC hatch budget is out of control!

Stargatexing [SG1 S5E12]

21 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The real deal O'Neill is stuck babysitting Marty again. Teal'c brushes up on his culinary skills. Sam continues to be bad ass, and in heels no less....

Never Trust Kelsey Grammer [SG1 S5E11]

14 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Never take suppositories by IV and don’t eat pizza from random doctors who are holding you captive. Also don’t drink orange juice with your ham a...

Horizontal Toilet Gates [SG1 S5E10]

07 Dec 2022

Contributed by Lukas

a.k.a. The Curse of Sam Carter a.k.a. Everything’s More Fun With Tribbles a.k.a. The Toilet Goes Both Ways a.k.a. Universe’s Most Effective Smug-F...

Between Two Fries [SG1 S5E9]

30 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Omoc's funeral is very small and sad. Probably because he was terrible. Turns out a lot of other Tollan are kinda terrible too (but for different re...

WHA! {SG1 S5E8]

23 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jack doesn't play well with others. Marduklarin was forced to play with others when he had to find a new host. Mary doesn't have time to play with o...

The Grass is Cleaner [SG1 S5E7]

16 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

"The episode was boring. There was a lot of Unas speaking Unas language and Daniel haphazardly trying to translate and they were taken as slaves and t...

Wine and Gummi Bears [SG1 S5E6]

09 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We're starting to worry about the SGC. Hammond makes an especially bad decision and Dr. Frasier is really a pretty terrible doctor. On top of that, ...

Size Matters...in Astrophysics [SG1 S5E5]

02 Nov 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Sam plays with her food again. Jack gets mad again. Hammond wastes a MALP again. Teal'c waits outside again. The science is really bad again.

Don’t they know what the red phone is for? [SG1 S5E4]

26 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Today we talk all about anatomy and physiology exams, President John Tyler, industrial piercings, the red phone, phone operators, what acetylcholine d...

Take It Sleazy [SG1 S5E3]

19 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Don't be creepy, whether you're a human, a Q, or any other type of alien.

No Clips, All Head [SG1 S5E2]

12 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

The moral of the story is "Never trust a smiley Jaffa."

Cronus’s Thronusus [SG1 S5E1]

05 Oct 2022

Contributed by Lukas

SG ¾ (plus Jacob) tries to deal with an evil version of Teal’c, Apophis, a bunch of blasphemous jaffa, a replicator invasion, and a Magic 8 Ball wh...

How do you know where to stand? [SG1 S4E22]

28 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Life lessons from SG1: As soon as you get a new mother ship, people are gonna bug you to help them move. Also, spilling your whole plan to a villain...

SG1's Gotta SG1 {S4 E21]

24 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Daniel loses his head. Sam get’s blown up and then electrocuted. Jack gets in a fist fight with himself and Teal’c finally gets to avenge his fat...

It's Definitely a Probe [SG1 S4E20]

14 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Pwalter’s console explodes and he gets thrown across the room. Sam gets taken over by an unknown entity. Jack almost kills her. Frasier’s const...

Never Forget It's a Moon, People [SG1 S4E19]

07 Sep 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Mary and Kathy have a lot to say. Some of it is about the episode.

We Want Ice Cream and Puppies [SG1 S4E18]

31 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

You know what's a good show? "Soap." Also "Better Off Ted." Or maybe go watch "Lower Decks" or "Clue" or something.

A Big, Long Wick [SG1 S4E17]

24 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

If the instrument is broken, the music will be sour. If a sandstorm is a child, the wind will be wise beyond its years. If an archaeologist is given...

Grood [SG1 S4E16]

17 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

PWALTER FINALLY GETS A NAME!

Pooh Bearin' For All! [SG1 S4E15]

10 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jack wears some big pants. Maybourn uses the internet! Kinsey has a very good boy. Bauer, the new boss, will not let Sam Sam it out. Daniel and Teal'...

A Sh*tload of Stealth Ships [SG1 S4E14]

03 Aug 2022

Contributed by Lukas

We discuss power washing simulators, the history of dyes, and children's songs. Also SG1 does some stuff.

Not All Stevens [SG1 S4E13]

27 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Daniel bickers with some old friends while running around the world, stealing artifacts, Teal'c and Jack spend some quality time with each other and a...

The Dream [SG1 S4E12]

20 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jack does some math and doesn't like the answer. Teal'c teal'c'splains physics. Sam sams out a solution. Daniel unsuccessfully tries his hand at impro...

Teal'c's Best Life [SG1 S4E11]

13 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Jack is impatient as always but comes around in the end. Daniel and Sam have fun with playing dumb. Teal'c is just vibing. Life is good.

Dreams of Puppies and Candy [SG1 S4E10]

06 Jul 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Even without their memories, SG-1's gotta SG-1.

Maybe Sunglasses? [SG1 S4E9]

29 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Vampires have managed to figure out a way around the whole 'UV is deadly' thing, but SG1 and the Enkarans? Not so much. Too bad another society alread...

Algunas [SG1 S4E8]

22 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Here lies Robert Rothman. You weren't on that often. You'd study and sneeze, since all nerds have allergies. Had you crystal skull in your head, maybe...

Kobayashi [SG1 S4E7]

15 Jun 2022

Contributed by Lukas

Surprise! Kathy's back! Surprise! The Russians have a Stargate! Surprise! Deanna Markov needs SG-1's help! Surprise! Maybourne is frozen! Surprise! Th...