Strictly Anonymous Confessions
1437 - Chachi Is Queer, in an Open Relationship with a Man & Thinks Labels are Super Important
24 Apr 2026
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Okay, today I have on Chachi. Now this is a great conversation that I forgot I had. Every now and then I come across an episode that I forgot to air that I have because I didn't write it down in my schedule or for whatever reason. I'm like, oh my God, it's like struck gold because I could bring it up and put it out. This is a great conversation with a guy named Chachi.
He wanted to call in and talk about labels, which we do, but we also get his whole backstory, which is like super interesting. He talks about
how he's queer I mean he is a guy that's married to a guy we get into that whole thing but he does consider himself queer instead of gay and we get deep into that we talk a lot about labels like I said he also considers himself fluid as well as non-binary now listen him and his guy are in a long-term relationship but they are open okay and they recently started like solo playing and he talks all
all about that too, like how their open relationship is set up, how they both feel about each other playing with other people, how they've had, he calls them guest appearance people, and then how they started to do solo play. He talks about his partner being a part of the Bader community, which I'd never heard about. You'll hear about that.
as well as what a side is there's a lot of labels that he talks about that i had no idea about but he's super smart he's really interesting the whole conversation is interesting we also talk about the stigma with you know for guy and guy action and all that kind of stuff so anyway i'm gonna get right to it and be right back on with chachi uh hi chachi that's your fucking name right i need to ask you about that name chachi well welcome to the strictly anonymous podcast how are you today
Yeah, thanks for calling in. I thought we would do some sort of, or like we were having a conversation on my Patreon, right, about labels and stuff. And I was like, let's have this conversation online because I think that a lot of people hate labels. I sometimes stick up for labels because I think that they're kind of great for people at a certain time if you need them.
They can really make you feel like you belong to a certain place, but it's not necessarily like you have to be attached to them for the rest of your life. I don't know. I know that we started talking because of old school world that in my day and age, they used to say tranny, which is so such a terrible word to say now, but even some transgender people who are older will still use it.
And they're like, I don't fucking care. But it's like nowadays, that's not something that people would use. But 10, 15, 20 years ago, everybody used it. And that's really where we started the conversation, right?
Yeah, absolutely. I think labels evolve over time. As you said, a couple years or a few years back of RuPaul, I don't know if you caught any wind of this, but RuPaul got into a lot of trouble for using that word within the community.
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Chapter 2: What does Chachi mean by labeling himself as queer?
Like, no big deal. It was just a word that everyone used.
Correct. And I think language is important. And obviously people still use that word. It has become a time where the connotation towards it is very negative. So we try to refrain from that. And I think the lesson in particular is language does change. I mean, when I was a kid, if you used queer, for instance, that was just as derogatory as the other word that we were talking about today.
So I think now the community has reclaimed it and queer is something that's empowering because it encompasses all different spectrums of the community. So there's a lot to be learned from language. And I think Probably the most important thing, and you touched on something really important, is that there's certain community members that still use that word and are comfortable with that word.
And that maybe even particularly the community that is comfortable with that word is not comfortable with the word like queer, because it comes from a time where it was really painful to hear that word. Right.
Right, but the point is that there's so many different examples of that too, right? It's not just those two words. There's millions of words and people feel very different about all of them. But let's get a little back to you because you threw out the word queer and that just leads into who you are in your life because that's how you would label yourself, right?
Yeah, I would. I would label myself queer.
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Chapter 3: How is Chachi's open relationship structured?
Correct. Correct.
Right. And now, how old are you and what's your relationship status? If you're queer, that means you're with a man currently?
Correct. But not necessarily. That doesn't encompass just a gay spectrum. Queer is an umbrella term for the bi community, everyone that falls under the LGBTQIA umbrella. So there's not really, just because I say I'm queer doesn't mean that I'm gay, but I am gay. to get to that. I'm 51 and I have been with my partner for 15 years now and we actually got married this year.
Oh, congratulations. Thank you. I appreciate that.
Chapter 4: What challenges did Chachi face during solo play dates?
Now, are you guys in an open relationship or not? And I ask that only because I think gay men are more likely to be open than, right? Because it's just guys typically feel like sex is just sex and they understand that. Where sometimes it's harder for a woman to understand that because we're wired a little bit differently.
But you put two men together that feel that way because it's just more natural to feel that way as a man. And they're like, why not?
Chapter 5: How does the Bader community relate to Chachi and his partner?
understand the difference right it doesn't mean love it doesn't necessarily mean that right absolutely i mean there's animalistic instincts that happen with men that i think maybe some women have but i think for sure for the most part they've been on my show anyway Yes, they have. I've listened to them. We are open. It is a recent development.
We haven't had a ton of experience in the openness yet. We have had special guest stars come into our bedroom from time to time over the years, and that's not new. But The venturing out on our own kind of progressed for several reasons, obviously one that you just mentioned.
We're not really the type of people that are, I guess, programmed like I would say a heterosexual couple where it's like marriage is this unity of just complete monogamy and like it's just us and we have only the vision blinders for each other. We're realistic, we are men and we're attracted to other men and that is going to change.
And I also, I think we both, I should say, come from the background where we don't feel like one person can be everything for us. You know what I mean? It's just not. We have like a great relationship and we have a foundation and we're family and we own
a house together it's not like we're going anywhere it's just the drive of sexual attraction is different than uh what you would label a normal i guess relationship i don't even like using that word normal but you know it's the first thing that comes to mind so quote unquote thank you so yeah we have not really gone uh wild with the openness it was it i think we both have like had like
We have differences in sexual drives, which led to this, and then also sexual interests. So I think that's normal if you're in a healthy relationship to communicate that with your partner and go from there and see if there's something that you can't or don't want to explore necessarily in your relationship. you can find elsewhere and it doesn't alienate what you already have.
Our foundation is really strong and we are our first priorities at the end of the day.
Right. Well, you said it's interesting that you consider like open, meaning open as far as you guys going and seeing people outside separately, whereas it sounds like you've been open in my view of what open means for way longer because you're like, we have had guest stars in our relationship.
Yeah.
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Chapter 6: How does language impact the LGBTQ community?
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So the moments that we have had our own experiences when someone is out, like basically when we're not in the same city. So like if I'm traveling for work or he's traveling for work or visiting family and so on and so forth. So it's been, it hasn't been something where we're like at home in our city and being like, Oh, Hey, go dude, I'm going to hook up with so-and-so. Right.
Because that has, that's why we've had more special guests. into our, in our equation versus one-on-one experiences. But there was one instance last year that I, my partner was away and I was home and I ended up talking to someone on Grindr and we had a like really good connection and it wasn't necessarily
go with the intent of having sex but like there was obviously a lot of flirting and banter and all that stuff and i was home alone and so i invited him over to can't come hang and we ended up talking for like two hours and then we hooked up and i when he left i called my partner right away and told him and he was upset because i didn't clear it with him prior to
And I wasn't transparent because what I had said is like, it's not a sex thing. We're just going to hang out. And again, we had moved into a newer city. So we were still trying to connect and find community, right? So I was like, this wasn't just a sex thing, right? And so when I told him, I thought I was doing the right thing. Right. And he was furious because that's not how I presented it.
So that was me not being completely transparent with him. So it ended up being causing a conflict, but it was a great one because we were able to talk and work it out and be like, this isn't what we want to do this way anymore. or how we want to handle it, right?
So, yeah, that was a really, it was a tough one because, again, I thought I was doing the right thing, but I got my hands slapped because I didn't handle it the right way. And maybe there was, like, some conscious, like, underlying tones to it where I knew I was going to have sex with this person, but I didn't want to, like, completely admit to it right away.
And so that underlying play, like, and not being completely up front with my partner was... obviously something that was discouraging for him.
Right, right, right. Now, has he had any experiences himself?
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Chapter 7: Why does Chachi identify as non-binary and fluid?
I think you guys are taking it kind of slow, but I think that that's great. You know, why not?
I think also what we're talking about really does correlate with language too. I think my partner and I, I've never, like, he considers himself more of a side, which is a new term, right? Just like...
queer in in this in a sense where the way that it's used it's not a new term it's just the way that it's used as new so like the side community if you will within the queer community is something that like people gravitate or a lot more people are gravitating to whereas nobody would ever call like a Even me talking to my generation or older of gay men, they're like, what the fuck is a side?
What the hell is that? You know what I mean? What is it? Well, it's people that don't fuck, penetration-wise, but it's everything but. So it's oral, it's beta, community. It's all the sides, right? So that terminology, term, side, is kind of like what we were talking about. It's the evolution of language. we started this conversation.
I would never have called myself queer in the 90s or even in the 2000s. It's like, this is something that I... Exactly. I was just a gay man, period. So it's weird to sometimes think of how things get reclaimed or changed.
But it is a little confusing. Let me ask you this. Sorry to cut you off. So why wouldn't you say gay now? Is there a difference in your sexuality that you say queer or like...
Yeah, so I would say gay. I'm not opposed to that still, that term. But I consider myself queer because I'm also open to more. So like, if you're a female transitioning into a male, I'm attracted to trans men. I'm attracted to men in general. So if there's a hot trans man that is in front of me, I'm going to be sexually attracted to them. So the terminology changes. For me, in my head.
It encompasses more. Queer encompasses more. You're a little bit more than gay, which I get. And that's what I was thinking it meant. And so I was wondering, what is that other thing that you're open to? What is that other person, right? So it's like a trans man. And maybe for somebody else, it means something different, right? But that's what queer is.
Maybe it's not just about, oh, you only like a cis male, right? Correct. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. What I was going to ask you before that I was thinking of, like, does it actually turn you on knowing if your partner is with someone? Is there any of that going on for either one of you?
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Chapter 8: What are the differences in how Chachi and his partner view their sexual experiences?
I know people do it, but like, to me, it's just like, that's so wild because there's no way that you're always going to be on the same level with the same desires and, and, and, and thought process and turn ons. It has to, it changes.
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They sometimes fuck a girl. They even bring a girl in every now and then because they've just realized that it just, it's about the sex. And if at that moment, some, that woman is sexual, they, and they're for some reason turned on, they'll go there. They have. That was a great episode. Yeah. That was so interesting. They're, I mean, they're, did you know about them before?
Did you learn about them from them? Yeah. my partner and I have been fans since when they were on X2 before they even like got huge.
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