Chapter 1: What is the significance of the Star Wars Holiday Special?
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Chapter 2: How did the Star Wars Holiday Special come to be?
Yeah, the people who say that haven't seen even a second of it. Yeah. However, I watched it when I was a kid, then again this week, and you watched it twice this week. Yeah, I watched it last night and this morning. There's something about it. It's mesmerizing. It really is. It's one of those things.
You start watching it, and you want to turn it off, but you want to see just how absurd it can get almost. Yeah, and it starts absurd. It stays absurd in the middle. It gets increasingly more absurd. It gets a little less absurd, finishes super absurd. Yeah, it's just a train wreck in every single sense of the word, top to bottom. It's extraordinarily difficult to overstate how bad this is.
Yeah. And some people, you know, in researching this, you read about it, you read descriptions of these things, and it just can't possibly be gotten across until you see it. So, luckily, as we will see, you can go onto YouTube and watch it. And you may even enjoy this episode more if you pause, Go spend two hours watching this thing and then come back and laugh along with us.
Yeah, there's a great ā over the years there have been many segments of it on YouTube from badly dubbed VHS tapes. But there's one really pretty good version of it in full. Brought to you by WHIO, Dayton, Ohio, Channel 7. Woo, Ohio. Because that flashes up on the screen periodically. Man, it is high quality. Yeah, it looks good.
It has to basically be the copy that the actual affiliate broadcast. Yeah. It's like that quality compared to the other stuff floating around on YouTube. It's clearly recorded on a 1978 VCR. Yeah, which were really expensive. Very expensive. I did some calculating on West Egg. Okay. So the average VCR went for about $1,000. They were brand new. That's amazing. $1,000 in 1978 money.
So they're about $3,800 in 2014 money. Crazy. Luckily, there were some rich people out there recording this stuff, and the wealthy have saved us all again, yet again, as they always do. Yes. We need to shout out some articles that we use for this. There's a great article in Vanity Fair called The Han Solo Comedy Hour! by Frank DiGiacomo.
And then there's the Star Wars Holiday Special was the worst thing on television ever by someone we kind of know, Alex Pasternak. Yeah, from Motherboard. Yeah, which is not Wired. It's Vice.
Yeah.
We wrote a little bit for Motherboard back then, and we had a call with Alex. We're like old Motherboard vets. Yeah. Basically. Wasn't there one more? There was another one, and I don't know who wrote this one, Chuck. Yeah. The title's The Star Wars Holiday Special George Lucas Wants to Smash Every Copy of with a Sledgehammer. Which is a famous quote supposedly at a convention by Lucas.
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Chapter 3: What are the main plot points of the Star Wars Holiday Special?
We have a graphic that's really awesome that we set aside just for TV specials here at CBS. Why don't you let us... Let's get together and do a Star Wars special. That's right. Producers Gary Smith and Dwight Hemion were working over at CBS, and they said this is a great way to... Keep the spirit alive while you're making your other movie. Maybe move some more toys.
Yeah, which George Lucas got a cut of all the toys. Sure. So it was right before Thanksgiving, and he said there would be a lot of people watching TV pre-holiday season, or I guess in the holiday season. Well, the weekend before Thanksgiving, it's like everybody's shopping, sitting around with family, like waiting to actually do stuff. That's right.
It's the perfect time to broadcast something on TV. So Lucas says, all right, let's do this. I don't have a ton of time, but how about this? I'll get a story together, and then you can go hire a whiz-bang team of veteran writers and producers and directors. Whatever genre you think is appropriate. And those are the words that will haunt George Lucas to his grave.
Yeah, so Lucas said, here's my idea. I want it to be based on Wookiees, and I want it to take place on their home planet of Kizuk, or Wookiee Planet C. Is that how you say it, Kizuk? That's how it's pronounced in the holiday special, but it's also pronounced different ways other times.
Okay.
I would have pronounced it K-A-S-H-Y-Y-Y-K. Spell it. K-A-S-H-Y-Y-Y-K. Yeah. Which, I mean, I guess that sounds like Chewbacca's planet. Sure. Also called G5623, Wookiee Planet C, or Edeon, is a mid-rim planet. Right, so the whole reason apparently that George Lucas was interested in featuring the Wookiees was it is what we in show business call low-hanging fruit.
The reason why it was low-hanging fruit was because they had just established the different scenes that would make the cut for Empire Strikes Back. And how did you pronounce it again? Kazook. Kazook had not made the cut. Even prior to this, apparently for A New Hope, George Lucas had whipped up a 40-page what's known as the Wookiee Bible.
It's like a 40-page supplement that's all about Kazook and Wookiees and Chewbacca and his family and everything about Wookieedom, right? That's right. So he's like, I've got this thing already established. I love Wookiees. They didn't make the cut. I'm a little sad about that. Kazook is not going to show up in Empire Strikes Back. Let's build the entire special around Wookiees.
It's basically the one demand. Me, George Lucas has. Yeah. That's it. I'll be totally hands-off from this point on. Which he kind of was. He totally was. And it was actually this experience that apparently taught him to be the very hands-on person that he is famous for being. It came out of this Christmas special. Absolutely. He was burned and had an iron grip after that on everything. So...
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Chapter 4: Who are the notable guest stars featured in the special?
Yeah. What would that have to do with Star Wars? Yeah. Well, actually, in this Star Wars holiday special, for those of you who hadn't seen it, there are musical numbers.
They decided from the outset that there should be musical numbers, and the reason that they decided that there should be musical numbers is because the people who sold George Lucas, and at the time it was the Star Wars Corporation was what it was called? Yeah. on the idea of doing this TV special was that everyone would love a variety show. Yeah, it was the 70s. Great idea.
Let's do a variety show. The problem was this. Apparently George Lucas didn't watch enough TV. Yeah. And he also overly trusted people who talked to him. Sure. Because by 1978, yes, variety shows had dominated television for over 10 years. But it had come to an end. It was getting stale. Yeah, we're talking Carol Burnett show, one of my favorites. Had just been canceled after 11 seasons.
That's a big red flag. Sonny and Cher had just had its last season. I mean, what else? Like, Hee Haw was still going on. Probably. They didn't know when to quit. I think Hee Haw's still on. Solid Gold had yet to come on and take up the mantle. That wasn't a variety show. It was a little bit. There was talking in between the songs. Yeah, remember the Mandrell sisters show?
Yeah.
I never watched that one. What was with that country chic thing that happened? Yeah, it was a big deal in the 70s. It's kind of happening again, I think. Oh, because of that dude. The guy who won all the CMA awards. I don't know. He came along and he's like, actually country. His dad's like a coal miner for real from Kentucky. I think I know who you mean. Chris something. Yeah, he is good.
He's come along and been like, what are you guys doing? Well, there's a revival in good country music again. That's great. Like in the tradition of Merle Haggard and Johnny Cash. And I guess it's probably where the country chic came from because there was actually good country going on. Yeah, Johnny Cash had a variety show. Did he really? Oh, yeah.
I knew they did, like, a Sunday singing thing, like, out in Virginia. Yeah, he had his own variety show. It was actually pretty good. There were some, like, really great performances. Do you know how many nerds are like, get back to Star Wars? I know. I'm so sorry.
All right, so the variety show is dying, sort of, and so they figure what a great time to take the biggest movie property on the planet. And wedge it into the variety show milieu. I don't know if wedge is the right word. I think maybe nestle it in there. Yeah. And then start hitting it with the blunt edge of an axe until it mashes into that crevice. You know? That's right.
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Chapter 5: What is Life Day and how is it celebrated in the special?
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Chapter 6: What are the reactions to the Star Wars Holiday Special over the years?
I think it's hilarious that they had to do this, especially now. Well, early on, Valanche and others knew that they may be in trouble because they decided not to subtitle any of the Wookiee dialogue. Right. And they literally started, after a brief opening scene, setting it up. Here's the basic plot is...
Han Solo is trying to get Chewbacca back to Kazook in time for Life Day so he can celebrate with his family. That's the basis of the entire two hours. That's the basis of the entire two hours. They encounter a space battle, and they're delayed, and the next two hours are kind of what's going on while the delay is happening. Back on Kazook. Back on Kazook.
Because you hear like, oh, okay, well, Han Solo and Chewbacca evading the Imperial Guard and all that stuff for two hours. I would watch that. Sure. I would too. Yeah. That's not what they show. Killing time at the Wookiee household. That is what they show. Yeah. That's what they do. It's people hanging out, waiting for Chewbacca, worrying about him. Yeah.
And then killing time while they wait for him to come back. Yeah. Literally. So hold on. So you say there's a setup, right? Yeah, that's the initial setup. And then, Chuck, that's followed by this. Yeah, it's followed by literally 10 minutes, 10 solid minutes of incomprehensible Wookiee speak. So let's join it for a second, shall we? Yeah. Let's all enjoy it.
Grrr!
Grrr!
And again, you said 10 minutes. And you're not exaggerating. You're not being hyperbolic. You can time it. It's 10 minutes of Wookiees talking to each other with no subtitles. Fortunately... I couldn't follow it at first. Like, I didn't even know who it was. I thought it might have been Chewbacca's mom and dad. Oh, yeah, that's possible. And little brother. Sure.
And I don't find out until later when Mark Hamill shows up via Skype call. Yeah. And says he really explains everything that had just happened. Like, you're Chewbacca's father. Right. Itchy. You're Chewbacca's son. Lumpy. Lumpy. Yeah. And you are Chewbacca's wife. Oh, Mala. Yeah, thank you. So before everybody starts, like, freaking out, we know that that's actually their nicknames.
Their real names are, his father is Atichikook. Atichikook. It's really hard to pronounce. Mulatto Buck is his wife, and his son is Lumpo Warumpa. But... As named by Lucas. But, yeah. But Lucas also named him Lumpy, Itchy, and Mala. Yeah.
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Chapter 7: How did George Lucas feel about the Holiday Special?
Right. And so it really was a terrible choice. In fact, they even hired a couple of writers from Shields and Yarnell. Which I hadn't heard of, had you? Oh, yeah. I watched it. It was these creepy, this mime couple who had their own variety show. And they figured these two will be great because they are used to working without words. Right. And so there is a certain logic to the variety show.
There's logic all over the place.
It's not just that variety shows were popular at the time. Somebody was like, well, Wookiees, you don't understand what they're saying, so this is all going to be very physical. Right. So, these people who did, what is it, Shields and Yarnell? Yeah. That's a perfect choice. That makes complete sense.
You can see this whole process of leading up to the point where it was produced and shot and everything. Yeah. A series of like, oh, we have this problem. Well, here's a fix. Yeah. But that leads to another problem. Well, we'll fix it with this.
And no one's stepping back and being like, all we've done is create a series of problems that are going to come together and make one extraordinarily large problem that will become legendary. No one did that. And so the whole thing was made. That's right. And it eventually airs on ā November 17th, 1978, a Friday at 8 p.m. Eastern Time. That's right.
And according to Nielsen ratings, it attracted 13 million viewers, lost the second hour. Just in the U.S. It aired in six or seven countries total. Yeah, but no one cares about that. I guess not because none of those are on the Internet, you know. It finished second to The Love Boat in the second, or I'm sorry, from eight to nine.
And in the next hour, actually finished behind part two of a miniseries about Pearl Harbor starring Angie Dickinson. So it didn't even win their respective hours. No, 13 million, that's not bad. The thing is, apparently, if you look at the Nielsen ratings graph... For the first hour? Yeah, we know about that graph. It's okay. Yeah, we do.
And then after a very important part, which we'll talk about soon, it just drops off at the end of the first hour. And that actually probably made the executives at CBS cringe for a number of reasons. Number one is this special was originally supposed to just be an hour, but so many advertisers wanted to sign on that they extended it to two hours. Oh, you can tell.
shines through you can totally tell that this thing was never supposed I think an hour might have been stretching it to tell you the truth oh yeah it's 30 minutes of content 40 if you're generous an hour man and then two hours it becomes one of the worst things that was ever put on television all right well let's take a break and then we'll talk a little bit more about the actual even don't want to call it content
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Chapter 8: What lessons can we learn from the Star Wars Holiday Special?
There was Harvey Korman from The Carol Burnett Show. Okay. One of my all-time favorites. Him or Carol Burnett Show? Both. He's great. Yeah. He actually, if you watch what he's doing, you're like, this guy's a comedy genius for sure. Well, apparently he too was like the only one on set that was bringing levity. He was joking around and kind of kept spirits up. Good for him. That's what I say.
And he had three different parts. R.I.P. Yeah, he played... Well, I don't even know the names, actually. We could look them up. But he played a... He played a Julia Child-like cook. There's an actual cooking segment. A long one. A very long cooking segment where Chewbacca's wife makes Bantha stew. To kill some time. To kill some time. Both on her planet and in our living room.
Yeah, so Harvey Korman is in drag as a four-armed Julia Child-like TV chef. Right. I think it's Gormanda is her name. Gormanda? That makes total sense. He also plays, there's this one weird bit where Chewbacca's son tries to figure out a way to trick the stormtroopers. The Empire had come and kind of, because of the blockade, raided the house and other properties.
So he tries to trick them by, I think, rigging a comm link to speak in a different voice. So he has to watch the instruction manual. He watches an instruction video. Which was Harvey Keitel as a robot. Oh, it would have been wonderful if it was Harvey Keitel. Oh, what did it say? Harvey Keitel. Harvey Korman. Oh, man. Harvey Keitel murders someone in the middle of the instruction video.
That would have been great. Harvey Korman. And then the final role he had was as a... a bar patron in the cantina that drinks. He has a hole in the top of his head like a volcano where he pours his drinks in. That's how he drinks. And he loves Bea Arthur. Did we mention Bea Arthur was in it? Bea Arthur is not only in it, Chuck. She sings a song. She does.
She is the, unbeknownst to everyone, she manages or maybe owns the cantina. She's the owner. Yeah. What's the Moz what? Moz Def Cantina? No. Moz Def is a rapper. Oh, yeah. I think you mean Mos Eisley? Yes, yes. That cantina. She's the owner. Bea Arthur is the owner.
Bea Arthur of the Golden Girls, but in this case, Bea Arthur of Maud because as one of the people who wrote one of the articles we based this on points out, she's just basically playing Maud as the owner of the cantina. Okay. Yeah, and her song comes because they basically say there's a lockdown, so you've got to call last call at your bar. So she calls last call by singing a song to everyone.
Right, and again, we can't possibly have the script lead anywhere else but Chewbacca's house while his family waits for it. So all this takes place as part of a public service announcement, basically, broadcast by the Empire about how immoral life on Tatooine is. So let's go see what's going on in the Mos Eisley Cantina as it's being shut down for curfew. Yeah. All right.
This is incomprehensible, but it goes on. So there in it, there's also Art Carney. Yes.
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