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Chapter 1: What does Charlene Kaye believe about becoming a K-pop star?
I'm Jessi Graham, and I'll be your host for Munich Moments, a special six-part series recounting the most consequential speeches and inside stories of the Munich Security Conference. It's a real-life diplomacy drama with the highest stakes imaginable. What I worry about is the threat from within.
Vance's speech basically said, you know, to paraphrase as Donald Trump would, you're a bunch of losers.
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You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. I have been counting down the days until I could share this talk with you because it is from comedian and rock star Charlene Kay, who took to the TED stage in a brilliantly shiny silver jumpsuit to break down a truly global phenomenon for us.
It's part musical, part dance performance, part comedy, part how to guide for becoming a K-pop superstar.
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Chapter 2: What are the essential traits for K-pop girl group members?
All I can say is enjoy.
Hello, everyone! My name is Charlene Kay. I actually started my career out as a pop musician, and after 20 years of grinding in the industry, the way I know that I've finally made it is that I am now a stand-up comedian. And today, here at TED, I'd like to talk about something that I have been obsessed with for years, which is K-pop. Do we have any K-pop fans in here? Oh, nice!
If not, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with being a straight dude. And if you love K-pop and you're a straight dude, are you sure about that? So you might think that it is extremely difficult to be a K-pop star.
Chapter 3: How do K-pop songs typically start and what styles are used?
You have to move to Korea, you have to do this whole training program, and I'm here to tell you today that that's not true. It's actually really easy to be a K-pop star. Anybody can do it. And I'm going to show every single one of you how in the next seven minutes. Are we ready? All right, great. So in K-pop, you have the girl groups and the boy groups. You want to be in a girl group? So easy.
All you have to do is be super cute, but not too young looking.
Chapter 4: What unique themes are often included in K-pop lyrics?
Really sexy, but not too slutty. Really badass, but not too masculine. You know, all the things men have to think about. So when you start the song, you're not going to sing. You're not going to sing. You're going to talk. Lots of vocal fry. You're going to talk. Then the main rapper comes in, and she has something the first girl doesn't have, which is... bangs.
Now I'm gonna rap like a sexy baby I'm a savage, you all wanna hate me Now I'm gonna twerk like Cardi B Cause the Bronx is a neighborhood in Korea And then, you might know Korea's a very Christian nation So you can't really sing about sex So instead, you're gonna sing about fruit
Chapter 5: What is the significance of the dubstep dance break in K-pop songs?
Cherries are red and berries are blue.
It's not about sex, we just really like fruit. And then after fruit, logically, you're going to sing about guns. I'm serious. But you have to stay cute. Never mind that guns are illegal to civilians in South Korea. You're really cute, but you're also in N.W.A. All right, now let's talk about the boy groups.
First thing you're gonna do is join the other members of your group who are 23 ripped twinks, and you're gonna rap some sexy nursery rhymes. Now, how do you do that?
Chapter 6: How do K-pop boy groups differ in their musical approach?
You just gotta whisper everything like it is the filthiest thing you've ever said to anyone. It's so easy, just like this. Twinkle little star. Three little piggies go to market. Old McDonald had a farm. Yeah, girl, I'm a little teapot. Now it's time for the course. There are too many of you if you were to each have your own line. So what are we going to yell about? Guns!
Chapter 7: What final elements are crucial for completing a K-pop song?
Then old Jude's young at the city top. Turn it up, turn it up, it's showtime. A line about a gun. We've never seen a gun. Then we whisk off a random food lot.
But it's like sexy. Spending that cheese, I'm hot like a fever.
And now it's a completely different genre. There are still 20 dudes who haven't sung yet.
We're going to sing more foods like ice cream, hot sauce, chicken noodle soup, donut, cherry bomb, butter fondue. It's not about sex. We just really like food. Let's talk about something that happens with both the girl and the boy groups. And this is something that I call the OBR, or the obligatory reggaeton section. And in this section, it is mandatory.
You talk about how you're either really cold or really hot, and there's no in-between. Here we go. I'm either really cold or really, really hot Super, super cold, except when I'm hot I'm freezing like an igloo, I'm burning up a sweat Trying not to sing in a Jamaican accent, cold Winter, winter falls Goodbye winter, winter again Hot, so hot, hot, hot enough These are all real songs by the way
Winter bear, winter winter flower Very hot, I'm so hot, hot sauce Snow flower, winter without you Hot hand, hot issue, hot sever Sweet winter, the winter's tale, it's cold Like it hot, fire, flame and fire All these cold songs and all these hot sounds There's no such thing as warm in K-pop We've reached the most critical moment in any K-pop song, which is the dubstep dance break for no reason.
Now, how do we do this? You're going to do the following moves. Number one, you're going to glitch like you're connecting to dial-up internet in 1999. Then you're going to make pizza in the Matrix. You heard me. Then you're going to be a horny mime in a glass box. And then finally, you're going to give the angriest massage and end in a pose called the Passion of the Christ.
You guys got all that, right? It's so easy. We're gonna do it together. Here we go. We've reached the finale of the song. This part usually has really uplifting lyrics like shining like a shooting star or climbing to the top of a mountain. It goes just like this. I am gonna shine like a shooting star I am gonna climb to the mountain top Just to be with you
Then every element of the song randomly comes back, and the person with the highest voice in the group does way too much. Then you end in a move called the Magic Mike. Everyone turn their phone flashlights on!
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