Chapter 1: What are the differences between relaters and bottom-liners?
For the most part, people tend to be either, and I'm going to put it into two groups, either relators or bottom liners. Those are what I call it. And if you look at all the people in your life, and this is way, way, way generalizing, but It really is going to teach a point. People who are relators, probably you and I, because we speak, these are people where we're very caring.
The relationship is first. We want this person to like us.
We want them to respect us. We want them to go along with us. If we don't get consensus, we take it personally. We think we didn't say it right or they don't like us and we come on stronger. So relators, that's one group. And I'm going to talk about what they do right and what they do wrong. But then there's another group of people that are more bottom liners.
These people want information more than they want to get into the relationship.
Chapter 2: How do relaters communicate in relationships?
So the relators are trying to get on board with the relationship, and then the information comes in second. The bottom liners are people that are really trying to get the information, make a solid, logical, rational decision, and then the relationship comes in second. So can you kind of picture that? So in a typical marriage, you tend to have often a relator and a bottom liner.
You know, one person that, you know, we don't talk anymore. We never share anything and you don't listen to me. And when they want something, they start way back in 1998. They tell everything, you know, everything that leads up to it. Meanwhile, they're in a relationship with a bottom liner who has like a six second attention span that they don't hear something that
that triggers them, connects with them, their mind is gone. And they're looking for information. So in a marriage, you can see how that happens. The relator is trying to get their spouse or significant other on board by telling stories, by the tone of their voice, by hugging someone, by telling them what happened 20 years ago.
And meanwhile, the bottom liner is trying to get consensus with none of that. When the bottom liner wants something, they approach it wrong too.
Chapter 3: What challenges do bottom-liners face in relationships?
Instead of, you know, setting the stage a little bit and creating a place where people can talk, which the relator wants, they just walk in and say, you know, we really need to get the yard cleaned up and it really should be done. I mean, they do it in a way that's so to the point that the relator kind of gets their feelings hurt and, well, you didn't have to say it like that.
So even within a long-term relationship, we had trouble. Then you move into parenting. You know, if you have a relator relationship, parent who wants to tell the story and love the kid.
Chapter 4: How does the relater vs bottom-liner dynamic affect parenting?
And where did you go? Or what did you do? And all your friends are so nice. Is that what you're going to wear? And they have a bottom line kid, which you're likely to have if you have two or more. The kid has tuned you out. And then we move into work in the same thing.
If I'm a salesperson and I have a great product and I'm a relator and you're a bottom liner, it's not going to happen because I'm like, how are you? I want to do some small talk.
Chapter 5: What strategies can salespeople use when dealing with different personality types?
I want to meet you at a Starbucks where we have a cup of coffee. I want to get to know you. Meanwhile, you're getting more and more annoyed with me. By the second, the longer you're annoyed with me, the less likely you are to ever close a deal.