Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Okay, live from the Mobile Export Beer Garden Studios, this is the Agenda Podcast for Tuesday the 21st of April? Sure.
The Agenda Podcast, the home of sporting nonsense and claptrap. Brought to you by Export Ultra.
Right, this is our special Agenda podcast live from Macau in China. What are we doing in Macau in China, Joe?
It's a great question. I still don't know. I actually woke up this morning with, I reckon... top ten hangover of all time.
Oh really? You had a top tenner? Yeah. Top tenner. Well we're here for the sevens in Hong Kong. Made our way over to Macau which is like ten times the size of Vegas. It is an absolute den of Just gambling, smoking.
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Chapter 2: Why are the hosts in Macau for the Hong Kong Sevens?
So much smoking. So much smoking. Anyway, we're here for the sevens. Came over here with our friends from DB. We arrived quite late on the Friday night. And then we hit the sevens on the Saturday, day two of the sevens. Went to the new stadium, the Kai Tak Stadium. How amazing is that? So good.
Like, it makes you realize how shit it is in New Zealand.
Yeah, it's a 50,000-seat stadium with a retractable roof. Yeah, it's built on the old airport, Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong. It also has a 10,000-seater outdoor stadium outside and also a 15,000-seat indoor arena. Who would have thought a sports precinct... Would be a big thing. But an amazing stadium because you can actually, all the bars face in.
So if you have ever been to Wellington Stadium, the Caketon, you're basically in the concourse facing out while you're ordering your beers and drinks. It's the complete opposite at Kaiti. Everything faces in so you can order a beer while watching the rugby. You can lean on the, you don't even sit in your seats. No.
We've spent probably three games just watching...
from the concourse yeah yeah and i think everyone else did as well however there is one small elephant in the hong kong sevens and that is it's free seating you basically can sit here wherever you want however we had secured tickets with reserved seats right on halfway in the second tier probably the best seats you could get if you wanted to watch rugby yeah and we had 28 in our party um
And we went to get in our seats and there was a bunch of expat Brits. And there's no one's more scorned than an expat Brit who gets told what to do by a Chinese official. And when we tried to move them out of their seats, there was a bit of a fricasse. Yeah, fricasse is a good description, but it took them an hour to remove.
20 people from these seats and then we came down and sat in them and got booed by the entire stand at kaitak stadium which to be fair was it was a surprise i didn't know what happened i was so i immediately went on the back foot and started abusing uh everyone everywhere everyone everyone back i may have done the fingers to them um but not a great not a great start to the to the um to the sevens for us being booed by a couple of thousand people as we sat in our seats i still think though that it was
It was a response to Grim Lane and his curse coming to the Sevens and they saw you and just booed you.
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Chapter 3: What are the highlights of the new Kai Tak Stadium?
A real absolute crowd pleaser.
Because here they have, similar to the zoo in Dunedin, but it's down the south stand. The famous south stand, yeah. Famous south stand. And it's just a vertical, people just standing up getting absolutely hammered. And that was pumping for the Wenger boys, there was those octopuses, octopi.
Their costumes were next level as well. It is a great time, it is the spiritual home of the sevens Hong Kong and you can see why.
Cameramen were really doing their best to Bring on a lawsuit, I think.
Yeah, there was some absolute sex pests behind, especially the big screen colour camera. But that was good. And what really caught up on us was the jugs of gin and tonic and pins because I... Well, you went missing. Yeah, I... You disappeared. Yeah, my phone went flat and then I came too.
And I've said to my friend who was there, Zippy, I said to Zippy, who's lived in Hong Kong before, lives in Singapore, and I said... Apparently, this is what I said, I can't remember saying it. I said, take me to the most deprived, the most seediest, the sickest area in Hong Kong, to the sickest bar you possibly can. And he met the brief. He met the brief.
Was it Joe Bananas?
Joe Bananas was the place. And what was in Joe Bananas? Joe Bananas, 20% people drinking beers, 80% sex workers. And when I'm saying sex workers, I'm talking something for everybody, Joe. Something for everybody. There was ladyboys, there was... I like that's the first one you go to.
All shapes and sizes.
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Chapter 4: What challenges did the hosts face with their reserved seating?
A microphone was shoved in my face while I lay down horizontal and was probably the worst rendition of Mr. Brightside ever seen at a karaoke bar. I was on 33 while the record was on 45. Coming out of my cage and I'm doing just fine.
And then fell asleep. Yep, then probably fell asleep in the bar. I've seen a series of two photos. One is you drinking a beer and then time stamped nine minutes later, you fast asleep in the karaoke bar. You also said goodnight Dracula to Stu as you farewelled him from the lift, which he said was unusual because there was no context to you calling him Dracula and you may have saluted him as well.
I also had a horrific conversation with one of the big wigs at DB where I just kept saying, the shape of it, it's the shape. I think I was trying to talk about rugby league.
He said he backed away slowly.
He just walked away and I was just talking into the abyss of just the shape. It's all about the shape, the shape.
Anyway, so that was, unbelievably, that was day one of our Hong Kong trip.
And poor Kate from DB who's... looking after us on all these trips. She was panicked because your phone was dead. No contact from you. Nothing until just before we had to leave for day two. She was freaking out. I was like, nah, he'll be fine. He does this. He knows how to get home. We went to Vegas. He didn't service until three o'clock in the afternoon.
Well, as Fraser from DB said, he did say, look, I may have described you as a cockroach. You can survive anything. So he goes, I was never worried about you. I said, thanks, Fraser. I'll take that as a compliment. But then, yeah, hit day two on the back foot. you have to say, to say the least. Deep in your crease, battling out on the new ball, swinging around.
I was pretty much standing on my stumps for about the first four or five hours of that day. Then we bumped into a couple of great New Zealanders, Hamish and James, the pilots from New Zealand. an Air New Zealand pilot and a jet-style pilot. Oh, yes, that's right. Had a catch-up with them. But then, obviously, the story of the day, the Black Ferns took out the Hong Kong Sevens.
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Chapter 5: How did the hosts react to the drinking culture at the Hong Kong Sevens?
just send it to Minaya because I know he'd love it. And some guy just came running out, chasing after me, freaking out about me filming and then opened my phone, made me delete the video and the images that I'd taken.
Did he know you have to delete it from your deleted as well?
No, so I've still got those.
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, then we parked up at a roulette table. Pretty sure I was going to get my passport stolen off me when a guy just took my passport to go get me a VIP card.
I still don't know why you agreed to that.
I don't know either. I got my passport back, but I don't know how. But it's so, I don't know, it's such a bizarre place. It is 10 times the size of Vegas. It is absolutely cranking. It's a Monday afternoon.
It's absolutely heaving. We went to the food court, which was a hell of an experience. And you had a great point. It's Monday midday. Why are these children... Yeah, there's children everywhere. Why are these kids here? And why are they not at school? Also, why are they in a casino? And also, what are you people doing?
What are your jobs? I mean, there's heaps of old salties here just spending their retirement fund. But there's also heaps of young people as well. It's like, what's going on?
I suppose they've got... Is it a school holiday or like summer holidays or something here?
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Chapter 6: What unexpected entertainment occurred during the event?
Well, it's Jackie Chung is his name. Is it? Yeah.
So his name's Jackie. He's a great New Zealander.
One of the greatest laughs in the history of the world.
Yeah.
Should we drop in his audio? We'll put it in here.
We'll put it in here. This is Jackie... This is from the airport to the hotel? No, this is from our hotel to Kai Tak Stadium. Oh, that's right. For day one of the sevens. And him giving us a breakdown of how many tall buildings there are in Hong Kong compared to the rest of the world. And in the middle of it, admittedly, I throw in a horrific 9-11 joke, if you could call it that.
So apart from that, it's fairly informative.
It's about 20 minutes to get there. It's not too far. Didn't you know that the ICC next to you, the ICC building, you see ICC? Right there. International Commerce Center is the highest building in Hong Kong. Yeah, next to you. 484 meters in height. 118 stories. 118 stories. Yes, the highest building in Hong Kong. Just like you said, we all live in high-rises, skyscrapers.
And then because Hong Kong has no earthquakes, Yeah, no earthquakes. You sure? No tsunami, sure. Yes. According to the observatory, so Hong Kong would only detect four to five magnitude of earthquakes in the coming four and a half centuries. So literally no earthquakes.
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Chapter 7: What experiences did the hosts have at Joe Bananas bar?
Oh, my God. One till seven.
I'm so looking forward to that.
Robbie's, Litchfield. Robbie's, the new Robbie's at Litchfield, just down the road from the stadium. One till seven. Come on down. There's drink specials. There's a burger and a beer for $20. Great export ultra deals all afternoon.
We'll be there. Finn will be there. Yeah. Bunch of great New Zealanders. Minaya even, perhaps?
Yeah, Minaya might even be there, might even drag him along. And then we've got commentary that night as well, with the Crusaders kicking off that super weekend at the all-new Takaha Stadium. I can't wait, actually. It's going to be good. There'll be no Kai Tak Stadium.
No, it won't be. But it'll be close. It'll be close, because... That Kai Tak Stadium, the way that it just, with the windows to let the sun in.
Oh, at one end, yeah, that was great.
And when the roof was open yesterday, it was so fucking hot.
Oh my God, the sun was, we were just melting. Anyway, so that'll be us from mainland China. Holy shit, that stack of cash. That guy just walked past, I reckon, with about $100,000 just in a big roll in his hand. Look at his white pants as well. He looks like, what's that on the hangover? Mr. Chang, that's his name.
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