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The Agenda

"The New All Blacks Coach Is..."

27 Jan 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 1.193 Unknown

Oh, boys.

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1.614 - 10.609 G Lane

Isn't this a treat? G-Lane! Oh, yes, I'm back. Sorry, we've been away. I've just been required to just maybe take a back seat for a wee while.

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Chapter 2: What criteria is New Zealand Rugby looking for in the new All Blacks coach?

10.849 - 21.347 G Lane

Yeah, do you want to kind of discuss that, Matt Heath? No, I can't really. I think probably legally we should leave that. Legally, I'm glad to be back. Yeah, it was close. You were allowed to say glad to be back?

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Chapter 3: How did the Black Caps perform in the T20Is against India?

23.302 - 37.8 G Lane

I think legally you're not supposed to be pleased. Oh, okay. Because haven't we argued that for business purposes, there'd be undue harshness on the company for you to no longer be involved. Yes.

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Chapter 4: What are the highlights from Matt Heath's NFL & F1 Corner?

38.541 - 44.107 G Lane

So then the wording, I think, specifically has to be, you are back. Okay.

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44.127 - 45.85 Finn Caddie

Without any emotional conjecture.

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46.25 - 55.261 G Lane

G-Lane, you're back. I'm back. I'm back. I'm back for the entire year. Oh. Contract until the 31st of December, 2026.

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55.661 - 56.462 Matt Heath

Okay.

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56.742 - 63.97 G Lane

Okay. I'm legally obliged to stay here until the 31st of December, 2026. Okay.

64.271 - 65.552 Matt Heath

Okay. Are we good with that?

Chapter 5: What feedback did listeners provide in 'Yours Please' segment?

65.772 - 69.076 G Lane

Yeah. But it's happened since when I was away, though.

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69.317 - 69.717 Matt Heath

Oh, yeah.

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69.737 - 83.151 G Lane

Let's start with that. The Black Clash looked bloody good fun. Yeah, that was a... Anyone get their titties out? Yeah, I don't remember. Oh, I certainly did. There was more than just titties out in that zone. Did you see the water slide? Oh, yes. I saw the impromptu water slide. Yeah, no, that almost got us all kicked out, actually.

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83.171 - 94.001 G Lane

Well, it started off with me being marched within the first two overs. I didn't have the right accreditation, and people were not very happy with the way we were conducting crowds. So Jojo and I had started off our evening with a bit of admin, getting me back into the ground. Heavy admin.

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Chapter 6: How does G-Lane feel about returning to the podcast?

94.021 - 103.49 G Lane

Heavy admin getting me back into the ground. But after that, it was all right. The first half, as always, relatively quiet. Yep. People get a bit angsty. And as experienced vets, we understand that.

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103.51 - 103.971 Matt Heath

Yes, yeah, yeah.

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103.991 - 116.969 G Lane

You've just got to give it time. Entertain me. Yeah. is usually the cry. But I think the commentary side of things was great, wasn't it, Matty Heath? I've heard nothing but good feedback. Yeah, I think two things on the commentary. I think Manoa, Jason Hoyt and Matt Heath were excellent on the commentary. Yeah.

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117.55 - 124.52 G Lane

But I think it's also good to not have the commentary going into the party zone because then you just, you know, it's... You end up just talking to the Liz.

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124.901 - 126.603 Matt Heath

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, no.

126.663 - 133.292 G Lane

And also the Lizards don't focus on the game. They're just sitting there like boomers listening to the... The radio, you know?

Chapter 7: What are the implications of the Black Clash for cricket in New Zealand?

133.312 - 136.675 G Lane

We got a, please, could you guys dial it up at halftime, G-Lane?

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137.116 - 137.656 Unknown

Dial it up?

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137.836 - 143.341 G Lane

And so then the water slides came out, and then they said, can you dial it? Within eight balls, we got told to dial it down.

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143.361 - 144.222 Matt Heath

Yeah, it's classic ACC.

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144.262 - 150.007 G Lane

So we had water slides, we had kind of pink flamingos, people crowd surfing across the line.

150.027 - 152.41 Matt Heath

It got ugly. It looked so good. It was so much fun.

152.43 - 171.232 G Lane

The party zone with all the blue expert-bought shirts just looked so, so good. It looked slightly like you're about to take over a nation, like you were... You know, like when some sort of fascist part of a party starts wearing uniforms to government and then there's more and more of them. You're like, why are all these people dressed the same? Are they about to storm?

171.252 - 189.798 G Lane

But then again, almost the best behaved because the party zone has a good time in the party zone. So they don't need to get their dicks out and run across the field. One streaker from the party zone, G-Lane. Full nude? Was there any full nude streakers throughout the night, Joe? Did I hallucinate it was one wearing a flesh G-string? Yeah, no, we all saw that one.

189.998 - 209.807 G Lane

Yeah, there was a female streaker, Ghislaine. No, she wasn't nude. There was two fully nude dudes. Neil Broome made a tackle on one of them. Nice. Oh, he wasn't one of them? But there was none from the party zone. Yes, they're classic. Yeah. Because they get their kicks from the party zone. That's right. I mean, the water slide situation was interesting.

Chapter 8: What humorous anecdotes were shared about drinking experiences?

530.484 - 550.527 G Lane

It is going back to old school, though. Jamie Joseph, because he's old school. I mean, Joey Wheeler tells great stories of Jamie Joseph coaching the Highlanders of, you know, getting them nude and making them swim up the leaf and stuff like that. It's good stuff. Yeah, it's old school shit. Proper stuff. It's fucking grassroots rugby. Swing up the leaf nude.

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550.748 - 562.081 G Lane

There's so much student urine in there. There's shopping trolleys. Broken glass. Various pranks, different dyes in there. He took a very kind of middle-of-the-road Highlanders team to the championships.

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562.341 - 563.522 Matt Heath

Yeah.

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563.683 - 583.386 G Lane

For the lack of a better phrase, how does the arty group in the All Blacks do you think feel about swimming up the Leith nude? I think they'll be up for it as long as Jamie Joseph drops a knee post-game. Oh, yep. Yep. That's good. Now, when you say old school, the funny thing about the whole Razor Robinson era was that he was so old school.

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583.366 - 596.666 G Lane

Everyone was like, he's going to be so interesting, such a character. And then he did quite boring selections and then played incredibly boring rugby. But why did we think that? Because when he was at the Crusaders, that's exactly what he did as well. The only interesting thing he did was breakdance when they won.

596.786 - 618.768 G Lane

And we're like, he breakdances and he gets drunk and whips around the Black Clash on a Segway. So I can't wait for his incredible, you know, Razzy-type innovations. Yeah, no, he was very conservative. At the Crusaders, he played conservative footy, but very good conservative footy with a very good squad. Refusing to acknowledge that the high ball was a thing. Yeah, the box kick.

618.889 - 632.343 G Lane

What I will say about the performance from Razor at the Black Clash show when he was hooning around on that Segway boundary side is he was very good at, you know, identifying the milf and getting the photos with a milf. Oh, yeah. He was good at that. He could work the crowd. He could definitely work the right members of the crowd. I mean, he's obviously gone to ground.

632.503 - 652.711 G Lane

No, he hasn't said boo, has he? He'll make... bank somewhere though, won't he? Oh yeah, hell yeah. I mean, you may not be quite good enough to be the All Blacks coach, but you're well good enough to some wounding top forwarding team in France. Oh, or Japan, Jesus. When I was over there and I went to St. Goliath versus Kobe Steelers, because I did a couple of potties with you guys from Japan.

652.731 - 657.578 G Lane

That's right. All the coaches were New Zealand. Dave Rennie's over there, Foster's over there, Hanson's over there.

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