421 | How to feel confident no matter what room you're in
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What is conditional confidence and why does it limit my workplace confidence?
Imagine what it would be like if your confidence at work was limitless. It would mean that you could be in a meeting with senior leaders and participate in the conversation without second guessing yourself. It would mean that you could lead a big intimidating meeting with assertiveness and polish. And it would mean that you would walk out of intimidating rooms feeling like you nailed it instead of feeling frustrated. This level of confidence is possible for you when you have the right confidence-building approach. Today I'm going to teach you the one subtle Pitfall that prevents people from building that deeper sense of confidence. And I'm going to explain exactly how to build that bigger, unshakable confidence that you've been craving so that you can take up space no matter what room you're in.
If you're new, by the way, hello, I'm Jessica. I'm a New York Times featured podcast host, a prior McKinsey consultant. and a current leadership and executive coach for professional women, I am here to help you build deep, unshakeable confidence so that you can find your voice as a leader. And I want to start by teaching you about a subtle obstacle that gets in the way of having that deeper, more unshakable confidence that you desire. The thing that gets in the way is something that I call conditional confidence. And many people don't even realize that they're building conditional confidence, but it's important to be aware of it because it can really Really limit how confident you are able to feel at work.
Conditional confidence is when you feel confident, but only when certain conditions are met. So I'm gonna teach you the three biggest patterns that are all signs of conditional confidence. So as I'm teaching them, you can reflect on whether these sound familiar, and if they do. it means that you've been building conditional confidence. So the first pattern is that you tend to feel confident when you have knowledge or expertise, but you don't feel confident when you're lacking knowledge and expertise. So people with conditional confidence will participate and speak up in meetings if they have subject matter expertise or if they're familiar with the topic or if they feel prepared. But as soon as they find themselves in a room where they're not familiar with the topic or maybe the conversation pivots to an area that they don't feel like an expert in.
Their confidence starts to fade and they become more quiet and withdrawn, and they decide to defer to the other people in the room and keep quiet. The second pattern that is an indicator that you've been building conditional confidence is that you feel confident when you have status. So status means that your title in the room is higher than other people. Other people's title. So if you're in a room with your direct reports or people in the organization who are less experienced than you, you feel confident, you speak up, maybe you take more of a leadership role in the room.
How can I recognize the three patterns that signal I’m relying on conditional confidence?
But then on the flip side, if you're in a room where you don't have status, maybe there are a lot of senior leaders in the room, maybe your boss is in the room. In those situations, you don't feel confident and you struggle to have a voice in those conversations and you're not as outspoken when it comes to sharing your ideas. The third pattern that is a clue that you've been building conditional confidence is if you feel confident when you're emotionally ready. but you don't feel confident when you're emotionally not ready. So what I mean by emotionally ready is situations where you feel like you can handle the room, situations where you've had time to prepare and you can kind of predict how the situation is going to unfold.
In those situations, you go in with a feeling of readiness, and that readiness helps you feel confident. But as soon as you don't have that readiness, your confidence goes away. So maybe the room is unpredictable. Maybe you feel outside your comfort zone or outside your element. Maybe you get asked a hard question. And all of a sudden, you have that feeling of like, I'm not ready.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is conditional confidence and why does it limit my workplace confidence?
0:00–3:21
2
How can I recognize the three patterns that signal I’m relying on conditional confidence?
3:21–5:24
3
Why does conditional confidence become a ceiling as I move into senior leadership?
5:24–7:38
4
What is unconditional confidence and how does it differ from conditional confidence?
7:38–10:36
5
How do the three pillars—leadership identity, emotional resilience, and self‑relationship—build unconditional confidence?
10:36–13:18
6
What practical steps can I take to develop a strong leadership identity?
13:18–16:01
7
How can I train emotional resilience to stay confident during stressful moments?
16:01–19:49
8
Why is a rock‑solid relationship with myself essential for unstoppable confidence?
19:49–23:01
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from The Art of Speaking Up
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428 | How to show up confident – even when the room feels challenging (feat. Danya Tesarski, Maya Phillips & Liz Everett)
427 | 4 meeting habits that grow your reputation as a capable, strategic leader
426 | Why it’s hard to share your expertise in the room
425 | Will AI take your job? The 2 communication skills that make you AI-proof
424 | Stop overworking: 4 ways to decline extra work without hurting your reputation