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The Basement Yard

#546 - Protect Punch The Monkey At All Costs

16 Mar 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 24.286 Joe Santagato

Welcome back to the base- Welcome back to the basement yard. Mm-hmm. Oh, you get a little- Big red today. I don't really wear red that often, but I feel like it's a red day. It's a red day. It works for you. I think it works. You got a little red on. I got a little red on. You're always promoting on the show.

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24.466 - 26.79 Frank Alvarez

I haven't said anything. I haven't done anything.

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Chapter 2: What are the implications of wearing red?

26.81 - 34.4 Joe Santagato

You went like this. I was pointing at the red. He's a promoter. I was pointing at the red. Absolutely shameless. You know, like, that's strike one, I think, right?

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34.641 - 35.482 Unknown

Yeah. Could we agree on that?

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35.502 - 40.028 Joe Santagato

We'll see what happens if he strikes out this episode. Big red, like one of your favorite sticks of gum?

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41.172 - 42.153 Unknown

Yeah, I like it.

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43.214 - 52.884 Joe Santagato

I mean, you were a Hot Tamales whore, dude. I was a Hot Tamales whore. You would sit and spin for Hot Tamales. I would. I would throw a couple in there. You know what I mean? Why do people say sit and spin?

53.845 - 64.416 Unknown

You know what I did the other day? You sat and spun. Nope. But do you remember this? Nicole had no idea what I was talking about, but I was like, sit on it and rotate.

64.496 - 70.842 Frank Alvarez

Do you remember that? What? No. Sorry, brother. I know sit and spin. I don't want to do it to you, but sit and spin.

70.973 - 86.485 Joe Santagato

Oh, I've heard sit and spin. I also heard this was the Chinese middle finger. You remember that? I thought this was the Chinese middle finger. One of them. I think this is made up. But you don't remember someone giving you the finger and being like, sit on it and rotate. I mean, rotate's more sexual than spin. Well, that's the point. Because...

86.465 - 113.316 Joe Santagato

because there's like rolling to it you know what i mean i think i think rotating is slower than spinning spinning's like i mean demonic i guess in demonic i'm thinking of like the the what's her name the exorcist was she spinning her head spun her head spun technically it rotated though yeah and there's a difference between revolving revolving goes around rotating spins on an axis

Chapter 3: How do revolving doors affect our experience in public spaces?

243.082 - 245.668 Joe Santagato

Remember what happened last time? Oh, God. Yeah, that was tough.

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245.688 - 246.75 Frank Alvarez

I need to hear it to be able to check.

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246.79 - 265.34 Joe Santagato

No, no, no. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I don't think those things are well-ventilated either. There is a – depending on the size of this revolving door, you get in – And you're like hot boxing steam and fucking musk. Also, they should be bigger.

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265.741 - 271.154 Unknown

I'm in a little tiny triangle pizza in here and I'm stuck. You know what I mean? I don't like it.

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271.234 - 276.206 Joe Santagato

Yeah, I agree. And if the person in front of you, bro, have you ever been, I almost broke my nose in a revolving door once.

276.226 - 287.182 Unknown

Oh, because it stopped on you? Because a woman in front of me. I guess she, I don't know what she was doing, but she like ran into the door and it stopped the whole mechanism and I kept going.

287.342 - 295.413 Joe Santagato

Well, yeah, there's like certain ones, like the ones at the mall, not the mall, excuse me, the airport where like if you touch it, it'll just like seize up.

295.433 - 295.954 Unknown

It jams, yeah.

295.994 - 324.359 Joe Santagato

And stop everything. I don't like that. I think that the theory, like the belief or the logic or the... Concept, if you say one more or the, I'm gonna wrap the phone wire around your neck, of a revolving door is there. It's great. Execution has been missing something.

Chapter 4: What do we learn about the dynamics of first dates and food choices?

441.997 - 456.098 Joe Santagato

Yeah, I mean... You gotta go. Those places are cool because, like, some of those animatronics are pretty intense, dude. Like they're like hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. And people just put them on their front lawn to get, you know, eggs thrown at them and shit like that.

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456.118 - 478.457 Unknown

Some people there's, there's a house in Astoria that like, sometimes when I go to my mom's and I'll drive home, it's on like 21st street and like right by the Astoria projects. There's someone that has like, not even like a big front lawn, but it's like an older house. So it has a yard and they have a, I'm not kidding. It's gotta be 20 feet tall.

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479.669 - 502.825 Joe Santagato

skeleton yeah it's massive and there's another thing i don't remember what it was but i'm like where do they put that in the off season i have no i mean i'm sure it comes apart and folds and stuff like that because they're they're just it looks like bones i don't think it's like blown up it looks like no well yeah yeah i know which one you're talking about they're huge there was one i remember i would see all the time that they put a donovan mcnab jersey on it

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502.805 - 521.573 Joe Santagato

I was like, okay. That's so random. Yeah. But they're fucking huge. And now they do it where it's like, bro, I remember there was one guy that I had seen once taking the kids trick-or-treating that had, like, a 30-foot tall, like, evil pumpkin skeleton thing. And I'm like, yo, that's got to be hundreds of dollars. And it wasn't a big house. It was, like, a little ranch.

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521.593 - 532.909 Joe Santagato

Like, that's a lot of fucking shit to have to store. Or, like, a Jack Skellington. Jack Skeleton. Yeah. Come on. It's Jack Skeleton? No. Jack Skelton? Nope. No, don't, don't.

533.049 - 534.012 Frank Alvarez

I think you had it the first time.

534.292 - 544.236 Joe Santagato

Jack Ske... Oh, Jack Skellington. There it is. John Skelton. I'm thinking of the quarterback. You remember him? John Skelton? Wasn't it his name? John Skelton? He played for the...

544.216 - 567.76 Joe Santagato

cardinals or something i don't remember who that was i don't know um but yeah dude go into a spirit halloween just play around a little bit i mean there's none around me there's there's one that opens up like in october in like williamsburg so i've i haven't been in there though but just give it just give it a gander go in there it's kind of a cool i think they got where it's like we don't we close down stores but then we like we're back when it's time

567.74 - 585.968 Joe Santagato

Yeah. Yeah. And they, bro, they get them shits up quick. Like there'll be like spirit Halloween coming in a week and then it's the most insane place up. Yeah. It's crazy. Do they have big bowls of like loose candy? Cause I enjoy that about party city. It's like, here's it's 25 cents and it's just like a giant bowl of like wrap.

Chapter 5: What items are typically found in a garage fridge?

2724.725 - 2746.997 Joe Santagato

That's my hot dog fridge out there. damn i kind of love that i'm hoping this is a it's a garage fridge but you wouldn't have creamer in that classic that's a great point you wouldn't have a half thing of skim milk you're going out to the garage to drink some milk can you imagine this does have classic like we're having a barbecue do you have a garage uh fridge yeah it's got a new one actually

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2747.163 - 2767.416 Joe Santagato

What's in there? Like, meats and shit? It looks like this. No, I'll be honest with you. Right now, it's mostly beer. Okay. Because, like, we had people over and, like, whatever alcohol doesn't get drank, we just put it back in there. Right. And then the freezer is most, if not all, meat and frozen vegetables. Nice. And if we get, like, a Costco order of, like...

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2767.717 - 2773.716 Joe Santagato

almond milk or something, we'll put one in the regular fridge and then the rest will go back in there. Is it a regular fridge or a dead body fridge?

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Chapter 6: What games did kids play involving garage fridges?

2774.278 - 2793.115 Joe Santagato

Regular fridge. I don't like the chest freezer or chest fridge or anything like that because... As someone that had them, I think you have a chest freezer, like the bottom part of your freezer, right? My actual fridge? Yeah. You put stuff in there and then put stuff on top of it and forget about the stuff on the bottom and it's gone forever. Yeah, yeah.

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2793.195 - 2795.179 Joe Santagato

You'll never, ever, ever experience it ever again.

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2795.46 - 2801.233 Frank Alvarez

Yeah, ever. You ever play Kill the Garage Fridge when you were kids? Younger? What?

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2801.804 - 2829.972 Joe Santagato

kill the garage fridge like if your friend had a fridge in the garage filled with drinks you ever play kill the fridge oh like just drink it all no i've never heard of that but that does sound like a game we would have played i feel like i was like the only person who had a garage no josh had one oh josh had a garage josh had one i think who else it's not a lot of people had garages yeah we had an alleyway and an abandoned van that we would go drink in

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2830.087 - 2832.29 Unknown

Yeah, we used to live in Frank's van for an afternoon.

2832.41 - 2832.651 Joe Santagato

Yeah.

Chapter 7: How did past experiences shape drinking habits?

2833.432 - 2838.58 Joe Santagato

Oh, it was your van. It was our van that we left in the backyard. It was abandoned, and we would just go in there and drink.

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2838.78 - 2849.596 Frank Alvarez

What is that? If it's your van, what is abandoned? I was picturing something on the street. How can you abandon something that is yours? Because you don't use it. It feels like neglect more than abandon.

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2849.977 - 2854.744 Joe Santagato

What's the difference between neglect and abandon? I guess abandon is like you drop it and then leave it.

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2854.893 - 2868.024 Unknown

I don't think that you could abandon something in your own home. Yeah, you can. You can neglect it. Abandoning is like driving out to the country and leaving it and bouncing. You're probably right. I was picturing a van on the street.

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2868.145 - 2872.153 Frank Alvarez

Where did you guys drink when you were younger? One of our friends' house. Oh, wow.

Chapter 8: What are the rules for the new drinking game proposed?

2872.193 - 2874.898 Frank Alvarez

Yeah, we all had a friend's house. We would hit the park a lot.

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2875.519 - 2898.575 Joe Santagato

Park. But then once one of our friends, like, we realized we can just go and drink without any worry whatsoever at one of our friends' houses, we would. Yeah, I mean. There was also someone's house here that was kind of also a party house at times. Me too, for certain things. Your basement. Super Bowl. It's Super Bowl, and I'm saying, like, younger than that. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, your basement.

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2898.937 - 2921.276 Joe Santagato

Younger than the Super Bowl? What? Like, Super Bowl was more in, like, our college years. But, like... Damn, when was the last time you had a keg? Oh, my God. I don't know. I'd like to do a keg stand. Wait, we did a keg for your birthday, didn't we? Or someone's birthday? At your house. Am I making that up? Not my house. I think Danny had one because they had, like, people over for a party.

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2921.897 - 2924.42 Unknown

Bro, I swore you had a keg in your last house.

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2924.44 - 2946.119 Joe Santagato

You know why I remember? No, Danny and my sister had one because my dad, they set the keg up and everything, and my dad just showed up, and he goes, look at this. And he just poured salt all over the ice. And I was like, yeah? And he goes, makes it colder. There he goes. Which I think that's true. It is, but the fact that my dad was just like, watch this. Yeah. I was like, you're an idiot, Dad.

2947.06 - 2962.295 Frank Alvarez

We were freshmen going to a senior party, and we got there early. Classic. And the guy who was running it said, you know how to tap a keg? And I went, yeah. And he handed me the stuff, walked over to the keg, and I looked at everybody else and went, how do we do this?

2962.715 - 2980.437 Joe Santagato

Yeah. The worst getting drunk on a keg moment I've ever had was at Pete's graduation party. That's, I think, like, it was, like, keg stands, and then I got down, and then his brother handed me, like, Jack Daniels honey. Ew. And I was like, get this. And it was also, like, they had, like, kegs of, like, lion's head.

2980.938 - 2981.419 Unknown

Yeah, yeah.

2981.439 - 2995.037 Joe Santagato

Like, heavy. Because Pete and his brother, like, love, like, craft beer and stuff like that. Yeah. So they had, like, a craft beer. It was, like, a mini keg, like an eighth or something like that. Yeah. And it fucked, ruined my day.

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