The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly’s Dominant D, Shaky Mahomes, Shakier Darnold, Shakiest Goff, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
17 Nov 2025
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
The Bill Simmons Podcast is brought to you by The Ringer Podcast Network. I have new rewatchables coming for you on Monday night. We did Weird Science. It is a John Hughes movie from 1985, 40 years ago. 1985, not the best year ever, but maybe the weirdest year ever. And Weird Science, one of the many weird things that came out in 1985. Me and Kyle Brandt did this one.
This is a movie that has aged spectacularly and terribly. It's hard to believe it happened, but it's also a delight that it happened. And we broke down basically all of it and every single thing you'd ever wanna know about it. So Weird Science is coming on Monday night. Coming up on this podcast, Cousin Sal and I are gonna talk about a pretty fascinating week 11.
The playoff picture's starting to get into shape. Some teams are starting to separate themselves. Some teams are starting to sprout holes. The Patriots are somehow looking good. I'm going to try not to talk about that too much since the game is on Thursday, but we're going to hit all of the football stuff and do a little special parent corner at the end. So it's all coming up.
We'll take a break, Pearl Jam, and then Cousin Sal. This episode of the Bill Simmons podcast is presented by State Farm. Having insurance isn't the same as having State Farm. It's like needing the protection of an offensive guard on the football field, but getting an elementary school crossing guard.
Sure, they're both guards, but you can only trust one to keep your quarterback safe when the game is on the line. So don't settle for just any insurance. When you can have State Farm, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. All right, we are live on YouTube here. It's the Bill Simmons Podcast. Sunday night, Cousin Sal is here. Mike, why can't we get a good Sunday night game?
Adam, what do we have to do? Do we have to kill a chicken and spit the blood all over us? we have to do, Mike? We finally get a closed game and the refs blow it.
We can't end like that. Start it over.
I wanted to see Jared Goff get redeemed and throw five more incompletions, Mike. Even if he only had four downs.
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Chapter 2: What insights are shared about the playoff picture?
The worst. QBs on good teams where you know right away they might not have it. Is Goff number one? Oh, wow. I'll offer you Goff, Darnold, Daniel Jones, and Lamar Jackson.
Are they all in the NFC North?
Yeah. Two of them are.
Yeah. Boy, it's tough because I'm looking at stats and everything, like Goff in cold weather or Goff outdoors. And Goff, he has a number, like 39 degrees, and it was 44 degrees. So I couldn't even blame it on that. But yeah, he really does look like, I mean, he was two for 18. Forget about that call at the last stupid pass interference call, whatever. It's two for 18 down the stretch.
It's miserable to watch. And the Eagles are miserable to watch too, but they're the Eagles and they play great defense and that's why they're there. But yeah, he is Jekyll and Hyde, boy.
When you say two for 18, just to clarify for the people listening tomorrow who missed the game, Sal means two completions out of 18 attempts.
Two for 18.
Literally the John Starks number. Yeah, sometimes you just know. And it was weird because we just watched it happen with Darnold and the in the game right before against the Rams where just something tilts these guys that can look like superheroes one day. And then the next day Jones is the obvious one. And then Lamar is kind of the wild card.
Like our friend Hench was making January Lamar jokes on our text thread during that Cleveland game where sometimes it just doesn't look right. But, uh,
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts analyze Jared Goff's performance?
You can even feel it in the Thursday night game. Like, Fields had time to throw. There was that receiver, that Mitchell that they got from the Colts. There were multiple times during that game where it felt like he could make a play and either he dropped the ball or he was in the wrong spot. But there were guys open that whole game. Mm-hmm. Philly, not the same.
And especially when we get into cold weather, it's a team built toward January and they're, they're, they kind of know who they are. Like they're going to be super boring. They're, they're going to make you wonder why they don't throw to the receivers more. Sirianna is going to do something fucking wacko in the last four minutes. Like what he did today. What was that? They're up 10, just punt.
golf's done nothing he can't move the ball against you why are you giving them any semblance of life and a field goal and any chance to do anything all you do is punt you win the game but he just can't resist like just getting weird he won the super bowl so you can't criticize him too much he's got to be the king of fourth and one right we could impose our will on you whenever whenever we want but yeah that's that's uh that's that maybe bites him in the ass eventually but at some point it will
Yeah. And it's weird because I feel like the lions are also built like tough, like the Eagles, except for at the quarterback position. I really do. I feel like the entire team, everybody else is. And, you know, also Gibbs, like every drive was the same. Like Gibbs starts off with an explosive play, either a run or like a screen pass. And then it's just pure shit from golf. Like the next few.
Yeah.
Well, I loaded up on Philly to end the day because I had a couple of things that didn't go well today. But the offensive line is having some injuries on that. And then Laporta got scratched over the weekend. Right. And, you know, I don't think that's entirely the reason they scored nine points, but they didn't feel like the same team.
And you can feel the blocking is just different than it was last year. Goff had no time to do anything. Not that he was going to do anything. I think that was a way worse loss for Detroit than it was a good win for Philly. Because Philly should win that game. Even though the line was minus three. For Detroit, it's getting a little gamey now for them.
Because I really think we're going to have two playoff teams... But we have three spots for the two playoff teams out of the NFC North. We're not getting three playoff teams in the NFC North. I think we're getting two. And it's Chicago, who's seven and three. Green Bay is six, three, and one. And Detroit's six and four.
And there's some interesting caveats, including Chicago plays Green Bay twice. Chicago, rest of the schedule, home Pittsburgh, at Philly. They have a home-and-home with Green Bay. Their home for Cleveland is the only easy one. They're at San Francisco, and then they finish against Detroit.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of the Eagles' defense?
I need to give my own quarterback. I need to call him Dak Prescott to be cut or something. Prescott got something just to inspire him. But you're right. You're right. No, since the Drake baby.
Call him Mr. August or something.
Yeah. Yeah. But Jay, I mean, it was 16 for 32, 150, two interceptions. Could have been seven interceptions. Could have been anything you wanted out of that. And it's just... Yeah, you're right. Where is Brosmer? This Bears... Defense isn't great. Flacco lit him up in the fourth quarter. Maybe it's just a fourth quarter thing, but he did what he wanted against them, right? Yeah.
Absolutely have to win that game.
I wrote it down before that last drive. McCarthy had 74 yards passing. He had two picks, and he was 3.0 yards per attempt. And then in that last drive, basically doubled his stats for the entire game because he threw for like 75 yards and threw for a touchdown. But it was so bad. And I think big picture, it's just cost them the season.
They have to run the slate now, and I don't think they're going to run the slate with them. The receivers looked really frustrated. And I think their team's pretty good. Their quarterback has just killed them game after game going back to Wentz. And, uh, you know, they, the, the Monday night game when he beat them, they was, it was the bears right on that first Monday night game.
Yeah. Yeah.
And he got hot basically for three point 20 minutes. Um, other than that, not a lot going on with it.
I mean, they run the ball too. Like Aaron Jones is back. They do do nice things. It's not like they have to rely on the past. Right. But then you got blue chip receivers, obviously Jefferson and Addison. Those guys shouldn't be getting like six receptions total, whatever it is. I was looking at like an adjusted, maybe it's just over. Maybe it's like under five and a half wins.
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Chapter 5: What injuries are affecting key NFL quarterbacks?
He's kind of moved back toward two years ago, Baker, a tiny bit.
We should have a list of quarterbacks we think are injured. I was just going to say. Yeah. Could Mahomes be injured? Could Mayfield be injured? Could Goffs? I think something's wrong with his head.
I would believe if you gave me all the QBs and said one of these guys is hiding an injury, Mayfield would be my pick.
Baker's number one yeah it's like oh he has like a torn labrum or like some sort of really bad injury we don't know about because it also seems like he doesn't want to run with the same right zest right so like he has like a hairline fracture of his left collarbone or something like that but he doesn't also we maybe like we we
Chapter 6: How do injuries impact quarterback performance in the NFL?
We give a guy like Baker credit who just throws fourth quarter touchdown passes like it's nobody's business. And we expect him to do that every week. And so maybe the guy who's been traded six times, it's not going to happen every week.
Right. Yeah, it was even, it was 21-20 at halftime, Buffalo. Yeah. It was 26-21 halfway through third quarter, Tampa. Um, it was 26, 24. They had the ball with five minutes left in the third. And then that was, that's when he threw that pick. And then, uh, Yeah, they were up 32-31 with 13 minutes left.
They fumbled the punt, right? They signed Hardman and he fumbled the punt. I mean, you're right. It was all Josh Allen. It's what Mahomes couldn't do. And he was connecting on long passes too. That stuff we hadn't even seen him do. I don't know where Ernie Shavers came from.
Did we just call him Ernie?
Ernie Shavers.
That's my single... My Instagram algorithm just feeds me a lot of boxing. And please, keep it coming. My favorite knockout that wasn't a knockout was Shavers knocking down Holmes and Holmes just getting up. I don't think anyone's ever got up from a more ferocious punch ever in the history of the heavyweight division.
He goes, he he's dead for a second and then he just gets up and you're just like, how did he get up from that? And Shavers can't believe it. And then Shavers is just throwing these crazy bombs, trying to take them out.
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Chapter 7: What are the implications of Tampa's performance against Buffalo?
Holmes somehow gets out of it and wins the fight. But,
And to me, Ernie Shaver's greatest moment was being the guest referee between Time and Wildfire Rich and Bulldog Buzz Sawyer. Oh my God. Gordon Sully announcing it like it's a life-changing event.
So Tampa rushes for 202 yards. They ran the ball down Buffalo's throat. They ran for 5.2 a carry. And they lost. And they lost by double figures. And they lost my Tampa plus 10 and a half tees. But I think Tampa is the lead favorite to host the Shakey's game on Saturday.
Oh, interesting.
Because it's either them or whoever wins the AFC North, I think is hosting the Shakey's game.
Well, it's typically an AFC South winner, but that team's good this year, right?
That's going to be the Colts. And that might be, I mean, the Colts might be a one seed. They might not even have a Shakey's game.
Right.
And it's not going to be the Pats. They'll put the Pats on Saturday night because they always do.
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Chapter 8: What is the significance of Cleto Escobedo III's memorial?
He was brought into the blue tent and interrogated by authorities for what he did to my fantasy team leading up to that moment.
Meanwhile, the Jags, we got to shout them out in our continuing quest to not just talk about one team. It's a pretty nice win. They had a terrible loss last week, right? Kind of loss you have that Davis Mills game where you're seizing my crater and instead it went the other way. And so now they have... What are they set? They're seven and four now.
But they still have Arizona and Tennessee and the Jets left. And Tennessee again. They're making the playoffs now.
This is why we like them. I know.
So what are they to make the playoffs?
I was looking. Where are they?
They are minus 180 to make the playoffs now.
It's not a bad bet. I think they're getting it to 11 wins. Such a weird time. Such a weird team.
Well, if they get to 11 wins, then that's at least one of the bars. If the Chargers somehow get to 11 wins, which I don't think they will, then that means the Chiefs basically have to get to 11 wins.
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