Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Right. If you're learning English and you've ever been stuck in a conversation you didn't know how to get out of in English, this one's for you. Picture this.
Chapter 2: What social rules do Brits follow to exit conversations?
You're in the work canteen. You finished your lunch about 10 minutes ago. The person across from you is mid-story about their weekend, their kid's football match, their mother-in-law's three-hour visit. You've laughed at all the right bits, but now you need to go. You've got emails. You've got a meeting at half one.
You've got, frankly, a million things you'd prefer to be doing than sitting here letting her chew your ear off. And here's the moment where everything could quietly fall apart for you if you're a non-native speaker. Because in Britain, we have a load of unwritten rules. You don't say, OK, that's enough chatting. Back to work.
You don't finish your meal and announce, right, I've finished my lunch, so I'm going. And you definitely don't sign off with goodbye. I will see you tomorrow. Now, none of these are wrong. Exactly. In plenty of cultures, they're perfectly polite. Some would even appreciate the efficiency. Others might respect the directness. But in Britain, they land with a tiny but impactful thud.
the other person if they're british will smile and nod and say no worries and quietly downgrade you in their mind forever and the worst part you'll never know about it Welcome to the British English Podcast.
I'm Charlie, your host, and today I'm going to give you a three-step formula for leaving any conversation in British English without ever coming across as slightly socially awkward, robotic, memorised, or worst of all, rude. And if you stick around till the end, I'll include a bonus tip about the one situation where you can break the formula entirely. Right, let's get into it.
So the thing about Brits is that we are incredibly indirect, which you might well know by now, but this particular social rule might even catch Japanese people out. And I say that because I understand that the Japanese culture is also indirect, but different in many little ways. So when we leave a conversation, we don't just leave. We have to do this weird little dance.
We have to make the other person think feel like we'd love to stay. But life is cruelly pulling us away from one another. It's a tiny piece of social theatre, almost. We're saying, I enjoyed this immensely. I wish I could carry on. But sadly, something more important than my free will is forcing me to go.
And if you skip that dance, you sound cold, you sound abrupt, you sound, dare I say it, a bit bloody rude. And in British cultural standards, sounding rude by accident is one of the worst things you could ever do. Now, you might have a slightly similar necessity in your culture. I'm not imagining that if you're Spanish, you're allowed to just passionately stand up mid conversation and run away.
Nor a German can just press their finger up against your lips because they might have a meeting to go to. But these specific phrases we use are worth your attention because getting them right is the difference between sounding like a textbook and sounding like an actual person. So yes, here's the formula I've made up for you that I think works brilliantly. Step one, the softener.
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Chapter 3: What is the three-step formula for leaving a conversation politely?
And that's another lovely part. It means to get on with work. It's quite casual, though, and it's quite energetic at the same time. And also, it doesn't sound self-important. Like, you know, compare I'd better crack on to I must return to my work. One of them sounds like a real human. The other sounds like a robot that prioritizes their work above the other person in that conversation.
Like, oh, my work. It's all about me. Crack on doesn't have that same focus on me. It's more like I better do the job I have been told to do. And now to touch on my favorite phrase of this step two part of my three-step formula, which was, I'll let you get on. I'll let you get on.
This is so good because instead of saying, I need to leave, you flip the entire situation and pretend you are doing them a favor by letting them get back to their busy day. And that actually reminds me of an alternative here. You could say, I'll let you enjoy your thing. You know, your lunch, your dinner, your cigarette. Oh, I'll let you enjoy your lunch. I'll let you enjoy your drink.
I'll let you enjoy your cigarette. And that that flip of generosity is so sneaky because really the message is. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to leave and not listen to your endless drivel. But you say, oh, my presence is just so distracting that I think you'd enjoy the thing you are doing a lot more if I removed myself from the situation.
So, yeah, please forgive my existence and let us both remove it immediately from the vicinity. I love it so much because they're not busy. You're the one trying to leg it, but you've made it sound like you're being generous. It's so quintessentially British. But yes, let's move on to the final part of our three-step formula. But before we do, a quick recap of steps one and two.
So the scene, you're at lunch, your colleague is making you wish you hadn't sat near them and you're desperate to leave. They finally pause for a breath and And this is your moment to hit them with all three steps. So you've already done step one and two, which is right. Step one. I'd better crack on. Step two. Now we need to do step three. OK, and this is the warm bit at the end.
It leaves the door open for next time. And I'll be honest, I've struggled with this one myself on this very podcast because at the end of every interview I do, I can't help but say thanks so much for coming on the show. I'd love to get you back on here again sometime soon. And often I mean it. I'm very sincere about that. But sometimes I really, really don't.
And yet there's this knee jerk reaction where the words just come spilling out of my mouth before I can stop them. Now, obviously, don't copy me by saying I'd love to get you back on the show sometime soon when you're in a kitchen or, you know, at a canteen. It wouldn't make sense. So your sign off options are catch you later. Catch up properly soon. See you in a bit.
Speak soon or have a good one. Have a good one. Yeah. And there's a golden rule that ties all of those together. Being vague is better than being specific. It's actually better for both of you because getting specific is a little bit confrontational. It puts the other person on the spot. It forces them into a yes or no. If I said, ah, this was great.
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Chapter 4: What are effective softeners to use when ending a chat?
So no excuses needed. No, I'd better crack on. You weren't there long enough to need to leave. The trick is matching the energy of the chat. So a long chat is a full formula, three step formula, a quick passing. Just bookend it with a softener and a sign off. Right. Before you go, remember to grab that free cheat sheet. It's got every phrase from today in one place.
All your softeners, exits and sign offs laid out so you can mix and match them into your own. So scan the QR code on screen or click the link that's in the description. Download it, stick it on your phone and you'll have it ready next time someone traps you at the lunch table. Right, I'd better crack on. Catch you later. See what I did there? But yes, that's the end of this episode.
My name's Charlie, host of the British English Podcast. Hopefully see you again next week. Bye-bye.