92: Peeing in the River
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What is the introductory topic of the Broski Report?
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What unusual breakfast concoction does Brittany make?
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski. Can you see the lock screen on my cellular device? If you could zoom in, if you could do a crash zoom. It's MBJ. It's Dr. MBJ, Michael B. Jordan. Good morning, broski nation! Why do singers do this shit? Ah! Ah! You got to lead the audience where you're headed. You got to mold them like some neato. I've been interested and curious about investing in a Neato gumdrop. Y'all know those stem toys? A Neato gumdrop. And it's got to be the textured ones. Because I went over to Drew's house. We had a little cousin sleepover recently. And she had one of those Neato gumdrops.
What are the traits Brittany discovers from her genealogy?
And I was going to work on that thing. I was really giving it a handy. I was giving that thing a free HJ. Okay? And I was having a blast. Something that's on my heart today to speak to you guys about is this concoction sitting in front of me. I made gobbledygook for breakfast. I don't really know. Like, if you could see the sort of chunky quality to this, and I made it last night, so I don't even really remember what I put in it because I was in a fog. I was cleaning the kitchen, doing all this shit. I'm leaving for a trip today, and so I was cleaning out the fridge, and I was like... Making dinner and I was like, I should make a smoothie for the morning. I just started adding shit. It doesn't taste bad, but holy shit, it's gray. Gobbledygook. Okay, I made a potion. Sometimes, sometimes you have to put on your big girl panties, throw your hair up in a bun.
What is that fucking quote? Put on some gangsta wrap and handle it. Who the fuck made that tweet, first of all? And second of all, when it makes it to Etsy and it's on mugs and it's like a print you can print out and hang on your wall, that's when it's like, okay. Okay, guys, maybe let's sort of reassess what we're doing here. Throw your hair up in a bun and handle it. A messy bun. I throw my hair up in a messy bun and run downstairs to have my breakfast of orange juice when my mother tells me she sold me to One Direction. What a crazy... Here's the thing about modern cinema and literature today. I have yet to see... The innovation, the creativity, the originality that was packaged in to 135 chapter Wattpad One Direction fan fiction.
The ingenuity, is that the word I'm thinking of? The in, in, inventive, the inventive nature and quality to some of those stories, make fun of them as you may. It's great storytelling. What do you mean your mother sold you to One Direction? And why was I reading this like, bless her heart. This is going to be horrible, but it's not. Sold her to One Direction. Okay, sure. And for those that don't know, that was a famous fan fiction that went around in like 20, what was that, 2012, 2013? On Wattpad of like, This quintessential Wattpad girl. I've talked about this so many times. It's like she's rail thin, ghostly pale, like the most long, gorgeous, healthy hair you could ever imagine. And she's effortlessly gorgeous and beautiful.
She just wears her dirty fucking sneakers and her like skid mark stained underwear. And she throws her hair up in a messy bun and she like she gets to it. She handles it. Say it with me. She threw her hair up in a messy bun and she handled it.
You have as many hours in the day as Beyonce.
What funny stories does Brittany share about her river trip?
I just realized I look puffy as fuck in the camera because I just woke up. If you can't tell. I just slammed this shit. And let me tell you something, okay? Red Bull, I love you. And I'm really not supposed to be drinking Red Bull right now post-surgery, but I have a problem. I'm not loving this flavor. This flavor tastes like perfume. Wild berries. Wild berries.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the introductory topic of the Broski Report?
0:00β0:22
2
What unusual breakfast concoction does Brittany make?
0:22β1:40
3
What are the traits Brittany discovers from her genealogy?
1:40β5:06
4
What funny stories does Brittany share about her river trip?
5:06β11:39
5
What drinks are popular during Brittany's tubing adventure?
11:39β58:32