Chapter 1: What advice do Candace and Madison give for dating in your mid-30s?
Can you give any advice on where you could meet someone to date in your mid 30s? Not reality TV. Life is like a roller coaster, but it's better when we go through it together. Welcome to the Candice Cameron Bure podcast. This podcast is not about me. I have made it for you. We share conversations about life's challenges, our celebrations, and everything in between.
And this season, we're talking about living an honest life. My co-host, Madison Pruitt Trout, is with me for 12 honest and vulnerable conversations. If you are watching on YouTube, click to subscribe, then make sure you tap the bell to get notified. Come join us. Hi, welcome back. Good to be back. It's always so fun. I felt like I was so...
interested in our conversation last weekend because I just really had no idea about The Bachelor and just getting to hear how that all went down for you, how you even got to be on the show was, it just makes me know who you are that much more and where your heart is at and knowing that you are such a strong woman of faith and your life's goal is to
share that truth and honesty and in love is just so encouraging. So I'm just excited about all of these conversations we're going to have. Today, we're going to talk about about lies, the lies from the enemy. But before we get into that conversation, I'm going to start off with a listener question. We're going to change it up. I always finish with one. But we're going to start with them.
We forgot about it last time. I know, we did. I really liked this question, and I think it's very fitting for you. This is, oh, we don't have a name. She says, can you give any advice on where you could meet someone to date in your mid-30s?
Not reality TV. I'm just kidding. You know, teach their own if that's where the Lord is leading you. You know, first I just want to say when I read in 1 Corinthians 7, I see that the single life is not a life that is less than. You are not on the sidelines. You are not less whole and waiting to find your person to make you complete.
And it talks about in scripture that you actually have this beautiful opportunity to have undivided devotion to Jesus. And so taking this season to get fully healthy and heal and holy and and just taking this time to run your race, like don't sit on the sidelines.
I think a lie I believed when I was single is, you know, that I have to wait for my person before I can fully run my race and do what I feel like God's called me to do. but this isn't inactive, it's active. You're in the game, you're playing in the game and God's got, you know, something beautiful he wants to do in this season. I think practically just keep putting yourself out there.
You know, my husband and I met each other through mutual friends. Like we got set up on a blind date. So you just never know, like keep surrounding yourself with amazing godly people and have them be a part of this journey with you. Hey, I would love to get married one day.
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Chapter 2: How can we identify the lies that keep us feeling stuck?
So if you know of anybody If you know of any opportunities, like, you know, put me out there. My friends apply me for the bachelor. That wasn't how I met my husband, but those are some good friends, you know? No, I'm just kidding. But that, however, you can put yourself in an environment to set yourself up for success.
I think so often we're like waiting for, you know, friends or the person we want to marry one day, like Amazon packages. We're like, we wanted to just drop on our door and just find us in the most crazy way. But it's like, you got to put yourself in those environments to find what you're looking for.
I agree. I mean, listen, I've been out of the dating scene for 30 years and didn't do much 30 years ago either. That's beautiful. However, I do have kids that have been in the dating scene and it's changed so much since I was young. And I think my advice from what I've seen and experienced is that what
What I believe is lost today is human connection because of our phones, because of social media, because of dating apps. And I'm not saying that those aren't good tools. I know lots of people that have met on dating apps or even you on a dating show. Like, I mean, other people. But it's really, like you said, a person's not going to drop on your front door like an Amazon package.
And so you do have to put yourself out there and not hide behind things your phone or the screen and or be afraid to have a real conversation with someone to talk to them on the phone and not just text them. And for the person who wrote this question, I'm not saying that's you. I don't know. There aren't many details, but I just find that
that people, and I've seen it in men, I hate to say it, but I have found that there are more guys that I feel like they're scared to talk to women. And then the women are just kind of waiting there going, hello, you wanna come, whatever, ask me to dance or ask for my number to go grab coffee or whatever. And people are just scared. So my advice would be the same as yours into looking,
Be willing to put yourself out there. Talk to people in person. And even if maybe your conversation starts over a text, switch it quickly to a phone call or in person so you can get to know someone that way. And yeah, and be in the places... to find the type of people that you want to date. So if you're looking for a godly man. At the bar. Yeah. You might find him there.
Maybe not.
But might not be the best place. So that's the other important key. Find other social groups that have people people that are like-minded.
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Chapter 3: What personal story illustrates the impact of hidden beliefs?
Yeah. I would also add this because I don't know about you and your husband, but long distance dating, don't be opposed to it. Yeah. No, we did long distance. Okay.
My husband and I did also, and also finding even with my kids, they've done long distance dating and don't, just don't be scared of it because if it really is meant to be, one of you can move eventually and all of that is okay, but don't be afraid of that effort. I actually think it kind of makes it more exciting. Right. Right.
It's the phone calls. It's like you're not distracted within person. It's just like, hey, I'm really getting to know you.
Yeah, exactly. And then when you do make a trip to go spend time together, you get the butterflies on the airplane or if it's a long drive in the car or whatever. And the excitement's there. So. Okay, good. We hope this helps. I love that. So last week, we just talked really briefly about living an honest life, but feeling stuck in some way. And so I want to just...
dive into that before we get into lies that the enemy tells us can you tell us times a time in your life when you've felt stuck yeah it reminds me of when my husband and I first moved into our home so we got married in Dallas Texas and then immediately went on our honeymoon came back moved straight to Waco Texas into our first home neither of us had ever owned a home before
And, you know, they don't teach it in school these days and they should because we did not know what in the world we were doing. It was one problem after another, all the house stuff. And it felt like we just couldn't catch a break. There was like mold issues, water, things overflowing, problems with our water filtration systems, bugs everywhere, mice.
I mean, it just seemed like there was one problem after another. But there was one problem that outweighed them all because it was leading us to feel sick. Like we had these sick symptoms every time we were home and we couldn't figure out what it was. We had all of these specialists over to check all the different things and everyone would always leave saying, oh, everything looks fine.
We don't know what's going on. And so when we would describe to people what we were feeling, they're like, welcome to marriage. Welcome to marriage. And I'm like, guys, no, there's something going on. What were you feeling? So we were having like nauseous feel. We were nauseous. We had headaches. We had like brain fog. Every time we were home, we couldn't think clearly.
There were just like all of these different symptoms. But when we would leave the house, we would feel fine. So we knew it was something in our home. Like we could figure that out, but we just could not figure out what it was that was leading to all of the problems.
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Chapter 4: What are the three original lies from Genesis that affect us today?
And so after having lots of different people over, we, I remember my husband finally was like, call the plumber. And I'm like, What's a clogged toilet going to fix here? What's my boy going to do here at our house with a, you know, I just like didn't understand, but we called a plumber and I guess they also do these like gas detector things. So he had like a gas detector.
He pulls out this beeper thing and he's going through our house and, you know, it starts off sounding normal. Well, he gets into our living room and it starts going crazy. My husband's at work. I'm on the phone, have him on speaker the whole time. And I'm like, hey, what's going on? What does that mean? He's like, well, you have a gas leak in your house.
And I remember freaking out like, well, what, why and where did it come from and how is this happening and can you fix it? And he was like, well, good thing, you know, you didn't light a candle. I'm like, I light a candle every single day. He's like, well, it could have literally blown up your whole entire house. Wow. But there was something going on with our fireplace.
I guess there was like a thing we didn't turn and we didn't know we needed to turn it. And so all of this gas was just like pouring into our house. And I asked him like, how did we miss this? How did we not catch this? And he said that it was methane gas. So it was odorless and you couldn't see it. And I remember when he when he left, he fixed it. He turned it off. He left.
And I started looking up on Google. Never look up on Google. I know it's the worst. It's the worst, but it's the worst. It's like you're going to die. And it's telling you all of these different symptoms that you're going to have just long term memory loss. You're never going to be the same. And I'm like, well, great. And so, you know, now we we can laugh about it.
But I remember walking away from that experience and really what led to kind of the start of me writing this book was the Holy Spirit spoke something to me through that experience. And that was, we were living with something that was slowly killing us and we weren't doing anything about it. And finally we did something about it and thank God we're okay now.
But I think about that in terms of our Christian life and our day-to-day life, like how many of us are living with things that are just slowly killing us, keeping us from the life that Jesus died to give us. How many times do we overlook those little sins? Do we walk around with constant shame? Do we believe those lies that keep us stuck and small?
And for me, that was something I really sat with the Lord with of in my living with things and just putting things under the rug, like they don't matter, but they're robbing me from the life that you want me to live, that you gave me.
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Chapter 5: How can honesty lead to spiritual freedom?
And so that has kind of been my journey and what I really want those who, you know, read the book to discover those sick symptoms. Like, what are the things that are keeping you sick? But then let's get to the root of it and let's live fully free the way we were meant to be.
So that's kind of my little gas leak moment story, which is a very metaphorical way of like, I've had many moments though of feeling bound and feeling stuck. What's that been like for you?
Have you had any moments in your life where maybe you were feeling all of these symptoms, but you couldn't figure out what the root was, or maybe you knew what the root was, but you didn't know how to put an end to it and get unstuck?
Yeah, I think I've had both of those. I think that sometimes, earlier in my life, there is that nagging feeling and you just know that something's just not right, but you can't quite put your finger on it. You know that you want your life to change, but you don't know where to start. You don't even know what to look for and what, what move, what move to start making.
And then when you do have a family, if you have a husband, have a kids, it's like, um, again, I just know that something isn't right in my life and I want to move it over on a different track, but how do I start and how do I get my family on that track? I think I've been laughed at so many times by my family of like, oh, it's another one of mom's crazy ideas.
And not even that it's crazy, but it's like, why are you trying to fix something that isn't broken? Like this isn't broken. And yet you just know, like, but it isn't where it could be. It isn't what it should be. It's not, we're not living life to the fullest. And by that, I'm not saying, I'm not talking about massages and trips to Disneyland. I'm saying there's, God has more for us.
And sometimes it's scary to take that step when you're in a family. So I've definitely felt seasons of that in my life where I'm not able to pinpoint it. And then I have certainly felt seasons. And I'll say it has been in marriage. And I've talked a lot about this. But Val and I, next year, will be 30 years married. And it's definitely been a roller coaster. Lots of highs.
And there's been some really low lows. And I know that... during some of those low times, I wouldn't even say it's low. You're just kind of like sitting in the shallow of the valley where you're like, this isn't the best, but that's just life. We'll just kind of go through it. And again, you just feel stuck.
And yet for us, there wasn't, we didn't have either the confidence or just the straight up, like courage to be honest enough with each other to say the really hard things because I know they're gonna hurt your feelings and I know you're gonna hurt my feelings by hearing it, by saying it. And so those have been stuck moments in my life.
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Chapter 6: What practical steps can we take to replace lies with truth?
And that enemy wants to steal our intimacy with Jesus. That enemy wants to see us live a distracted, disappointed, discouraged, beat down life, stuck life.
And I think there's a lot of cultural lies that we face in the world we're living in today and temptations and pressures, as well as a lot of internal personal lies that we often feel and face, whether that's the way we were raised or something that's happened to us or something that we've done or just what we feel and how we're wired.
And so I know for me personally, just to get vulnerable and real, a lie that I've often believed is that I'm not good enough and I have to strive and perform and prove myself to be good enough. I mean, even just this last week, I confessed to my husband and I just said, man, I feel like a failure right now. I feel like a failure in my career.
Some of the goals that I've set, I haven't reached them. I didn't meet it. And just looking at the outcome of those things, like I feel like a failure.
And yet there's so many people that would look at you from the outside and go like, are you kidding me? If your life is a failure, what is that a reflection of mine?
But it's so crazy how the enemy, it might look different for all of us, but it leaves the same feelings on the inside. That lie may mask itself totally different to someone else or may come in a different package, but it still leaves the same feelings on the inside, you know? I mean, those are the same things I've had my family members or my husband or my friends confess to me too, you know?
And what's crazy is when I then feel like a failure in kind of my workspace life, then it carries into even my home life. And then I'm like, well, I don't have enough energy or time to be there for my spouse and my daughter the way that I want to be. And so now I feel like I'm failing as a mom. I feel like I'm failing as a wife.
And so that's one of the internal personal lies that the enemy comes at me with, especially in this last season for me. I think cultural, one of the biggest lies that we all face that I've faced many times throughout my life is that we can get good outside of God. And you see that all the way back in the Garden of Eden.
You see that in one of the original lies and temptations that the enemy comes at Eve with. And it's still the same play that he runs today, that we can find good outside of God, that we can be our own God. We can make our own life happen the way we want it to. And that's masked itself different for me in different seasons of life.
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Chapter 7: How can we stay spiritually grounded while pursuing fitness goals?
And so the enemy, I talk about in my book, the enemy is cunning, but he's not creative. He runs the same play again and again and again. And I've just seen that to be true in my own life. Is there anything for you that speaks to of like, yes, I've seen that same play run again and again throughout my life, masking itself in different ways.
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And I would say that it's very similar to yours, especially for high achieving performance driven people. I mean, the exact same way. So my fear, the lie is always, I'm fearful, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough to be here. There are much smarter people than me that are around, so I'm not gonna do a good enough job. And just the fear of failure is always running in my mind.
And the Satan can be so discouraging that way. And yet I know that I have to take that thought captive and literally throw it out and go, nope, you don't get space in my brain to tell me And I say that with humility too, because I know I'm not the smartest person in the room.
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Chapter 8: What is the importance of community in overcoming personal struggles?
I'm not trying to convince myself that I am. It's not that. It's just to say that God is more powerful than that. And if God has opened this door and has me here, then he can use me no matter how intelligent or how many degrees I do or don't have.
Does that make sense? No.
And what you're saying is so crazy. I talk about that in my book because it's so true that the enemy comes after us. Oftentimes the lies have a little bit of truth in them. It's like, you're not good enough. I'm like, actually, you're right.
I'm not.
Apart from Christ, I'm not good enough. I don't have what it takes. And only by God's spirit and power do I have anything good to give or do anything. And I think that's where I have to remind myself often is the enemy wants to twist things and, you know, twist God's truth to make it a bad thing.
But it's like, there's actually so much freedom in being like, I actually don't have what it takes apart. I am a failure. I'm a hot mess apart from Christ. But with Christ, Philippians 4, I can do all things through Christ. Like there's nothing I can't do with the spirit of God on the inside of me.
If that's the same spirit that rose Jesus Christ from the dead and that's what's living on the inside of me, that's who's inside of me, you know, and it's that mind shift. I think that that is really important for us. Yeah, it is. And I love you.
You played basketball. Right. In high school. Oh, yeah. College.
A lot of people think I played in college. I didn't play in college. I think that The Bachelor did a little bit. It made it seem like I played in college. I didn't play in college. My dad was a college basketball coach and at Auburn. And so been around basketball my whole life and love it. But I didn't play in college, just just high school. OK, got it.
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