Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
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What recent event triggered the discussion of martial law in South Korea?
Okay, South Korea, stop giving Trump ideas. Right? He didn't know you could do that. Right? Unfortunately for South Korea, this looks like the beginning of a long and slow descent into dictatorship, a dark period which may last years or even decades.
Breaking news from overseas. South Korea's parliament just voted to nullify the declaration of martial law that was made by the country's president just a few hours earlier.
Oh, that's great. Good old Asian efficiency. The president went nuts, declared martial law, the assembly overruled him, martial law over, and they did it all in a lunch break. All right. Everybody, get back to doing K-pop. Chop, chop. Dance. But I'm glad this didn't get out of hand because I don't even know what martial law in South Korea looks like. I mean, do they wheel this doll out and whoever moves gets shot? I mean... But let's turn to a country just beginning its fascism period in another edition of Trump 2.0, coming for the White House. I'm going to come. Donald Trump has spent the last few weeks filling out his cabinet. And now that Matt Gaetz has dropped out to try to find the high school from Euphoria, there is a new nominee for Shadiest Nominee, Pete Hegseth, Trump's pick for Secretary of Defense and guy with resting divorce face. And all right, let's hear it, leftist snowflakes. What's wrong with this one?
CBS News has confirmed that Pete Hexeth was forced to step down from a veteran's nonprofit after being accused of alcohol abuse, sexual misconduct, and mismanaging the group's money.
OK, that's a lot for one person. Alcohol, sex, and financial misconduct? I mean, it's called delegating, bud. Try it sometime. How could someone do so many bad things at the same time? Like, not only are you drinking and harassing women, you've also got to find time to suck at QuickBooks? I mean... Let's go through his charges, because I'm sure the libs are just overreacting. Like, with the alcohol. I mean, what? He probably had, what, too much Chardonnay at the office Christmas party, like, one time? How bad could it be?
The report says Hegseth was repeatedly intoxicated to the point of needing to be carried out of the organization's events. so inebriated by 1 AM that a staffer who had driven him to his hotel in a van full of other drunken staffers asked for assistance to get Hegseth to his room. Hegseth passed out in the back of a party bus, then urinated in front of a hotel where CBA's team was staying. At one point, Hegseth had to be restrained while drunk from joining the dancers on the stage of a Louisiana strip club.
Wow. Do you know how hard it is to be the saddest thing at a strip club? I mean, a half-naked pregnant woman dancing to pay her medical bills was looking at him like, damn, this guy needs to get some help. Also, how do you not know that you can't just get on stage at a strip club, okay? They don't even let regulars do that. I'm guessing. I don't know. That's what Wikipedia says. Look, you guys are laughing, but does no one see the tragedy in this? A warrior forced to fight when really he just wants to get on that stage and dance. But yeah, he seems to have nailed the alcoholism. Let's hear about the sexual misconduct.
Hegsath and other members of the management team sexually pursued the organization's female staffers, whom they divided into two groups, the party girls and the not-party girls.
Okay, uh, let me just, uh, check this, uh, real quick. Um, all right, yeah, that's not allowed. I don't know what's worse, uh, that he supposedly divided his female staff into party girls and not-party girls, or that he couldn't think of a word for not-party. Uh... He's really a bit of a caveman, isn't he? When the sun in sky, day. When sun go away, not day. Time for party girl.
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