Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)

So he wanted someone who could talk to these issues. So I'm just lucky that I was the recipient of his search. You know, it could have been anybody.

Very familiar. I've been following U.S. politics since the West Wing came out, was watching it religiously, and then started, you know, always reading about U.S. presidential history. I'm a U.S. president nerd. And The Daily Show, we were watching it as soon as we were able to illegally download it in Australia. We would torrent, like, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and watch it.

So I'm a huge fan. I was watching all the time.

Yes.

Yes, there's a photo of me standing there not knowing what to do. I was in the studio right next to him. But obviously off his camera. But there was a camera on me because I was doing a segment with him, as you said. And then we finished the segment. And then usually he says, okay, everybody, Roy Chang, everybody. And then everyone applauds and I leave the studio. But he didn't do that this time.

He explained why he was leaving the show on air. And no sign of it. There was no sign. I didn't know he was doing that.

I don't know. He's a very smart guy and I trust his judgment on everything. And I'm sure he had his reasons, you know, and I can't speak to them, but I'm sure he had his reasons to do it because it seems like a pretty extreme thing to do.

I just feel the Chinese coming over.

Maybe he didn't want anyone to talk him out of it. I don't know.

Yeah, but... Oh, yeah, maybe he didn't want anyone to leak it. That's also a possibility, you know?

I was like, is this a bit? And then in my head, I was also like, well... Well, not live. You know what I mean? Like he could say that and then we could just edit it if he changes his mind. So I was like, this sounds serious. I don't know what's going on. I'm a person who I think I do a decent job at minding my own business. So I wasn't like, well, what's going on?

I wasn't trying to like insert myself into this situation. You know what I mean? I was like, oh man, what's going on? You know, it sounds like he is going through some stuff. And so I hope he's okay. You know, that was my primary thought.

You know, honestly, I wasn't thinking that because I was here because of Trevor. If I lose the job because of Trevor, I was okay with that. You know what I mean? I wasn't supposed to have this job anyway. So I've always adopted this very nihilistic view about the job and doing it. Not nihilistic. Like I care about the job a lot. I love it. It's the best job in comedy.

But I adopted this very like live in the present, I guess, Buddhist, you know, don't worry about the future kind of mentality with the job. And the second thing is also I believe that America will always have a daily satirical news show. You know, I think of all the countries in the world, if America can't do a daily satirical news show, like which country can? We have the most freedom of speech.

Stand-up comedy, are you out of your mind? That's not even a real job. Like, what do you think is gonna happen? You're just gonna run around America and tell jokes to strangers who don't give a about your mental health?

We have the most resources for show business. We have infrastructure for comedic talent where people can write and get better as performers and writers and can aspire to be hired on shows like this. And we have the craziest political news. Like, if all those factors combine, if America cannot have a daily news satirical show, no one can.

Even if you do somehow manage to overcome the odds and make it to even a semi-professional level as a stand-up comedian, do you think there's any chance in hell you'd be funnier than me?

Which we have all the time, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can talk about it, but to be honest, I don't know the reasoning. Maybe it's just hard to find someone to do it. It's a tough job. I mean, I guess what I can say is... I think the way it is right now, it makes sense because Jon wants to be on.

The legendary Jon Stewart is on once a week. And the way he described it was... We as a satirical news organization, we should be trying to cover the climate instead of just chasing the weather, right? That's how we get an elevated show is if we can describe the climate, the political climate of America versus just chasing these individual news stories. And so...

What the current arrangement does is that it allows Jon Stewart to come in and talk about the climate once a week and give us the big ideas in America. And it allows the rest of us correspondents to do a bit more weather chasing, which...

As much as we're trying to avoid that, unfortunately, it's necessary weather chasing sometimes because ultimately our job is to make fun of the news and the news happens every single day. Not that we have to avoid discussing the climate, but we can also, it freezes up to kind of chase the weather a bit and nobody gets burnt out.

So as long as the quality doesn't drop, I mean, you know, this might be the way to do it.

Yes, yes. But that's the beauty of the show is that we're actually making fun of these stereotypes. Yeah. Sorry, of these tropes.

Daddy's a borderline arena act in some markets. Have you seen my IMDB page? I'm in everything. I will crush your career. Oh, Gary. Your mother and I did spend a fortune to make an A-grade blastocyst for them to become a B-grade comedian. I will never watch anything you do. Go to law school! Oh!

Maybe I should set up also that we are working in a restaurant in Chinatown, but we are also characters in a TV show who don't realize that we're in a TV show. So we are... on the surface, working at this restaurant, but we are working at a restaurant in the context of being on a law and order type show. So that's the meta aspect of it.

Yes, yes.

Okay.

Somebody threw away an entire Peking duck with the sauce and everything. You're a , man. I'm the . You are the one who's hoping it was a dead person.

I'm very complimentary of you, yeah.

Yeah, that's a good question. Creativity Asians was my first movie, so I had nothing to compare it with. But I will say on set, you could feel this really cool camaraderie and chemistry. We all had this shorthand. We were all Asian actors in our 30s and we were all in this movie for the first time.

This underdog movie, which when we were making, there was no indication it would have been as successful as it was. I think that's fair to say, as in it was still yet to be seen. was not a sure thing. Lots of risks were taken by the directors and producers, which we're all eternally grateful for that it paid off. But we were all in this thing in Malaysia and Singapore.

And so we were just hanging out. You know, we would go for karaoke we will go for Korean barbecue we didn't need to explain why we were going for Korean barbecue it wasn't ethnic eating it was just food and then when we get to Korean barbecue we don't have to explain what was being served we all got it so stuff like that you know there was like a shorthand and camaraderie which exists till today

Yeah, Chinese Malaysian.

So they came when I was one.

So then I only came here when I was three and then I left when I was seven. Yeah. So basically they came to America and they left me in Malaysia for like a year and a half or something. And then when I was around three years old, then they brought me over. So they were with my sister without me. So they were probably here for like two years, I guess.

You know, I think they tell me that when I saw them at the airport, I walked away because I was so pissed. But I don't remember holding it against them. First of all, they were putting themselves through college. So, you know, imagine having to support two kids and themselves and college. So they were working and going to college at the same time.

And then second of all, it was like, yeah, it was too young. You know, it's like a baby. Like we don't, like that is before the internet. Who knows what's happening in Manchester, New Hampshire. They just didn't want to risk it. So it was easier to just take my sister.

Oh, great question. So when they moved back, they didn't tell me we're moving back. They said we're just going for a vacation. So I was like, oh, okay. So we'll go and see Malaysia and we'll come back. And then we went back to Malaysia and we never went back to America. And I was like, what happened? Like, why did you guys lie to me?

And so I had a chip on my shoulder for like years of being in Singapore and Malaysia. And you know what? Maybe they changed. Nah, I was going to give them the benefit of the doubt. I was going to say maybe they went there and changed their mind. But I'm pretty sure they went there knowing they were going to go back. But no, in hindsight, I think they made the right decision for them.

Because when they went back to Malaysia, they had more social capital because they had US education and they were culturally more suited to Malaysia and Singapore. So when they went back, I think they made the right choice for them.

Oh, they became like corporate executives. My mom became like a financial controller. My dad became like a general manager of factories in China. And he would commute between China and Singapore and Malaysia. But my point is that I don't know if they would have been happy in America because in America, I was very happy. But I was like a four-year-old kid and they were working at a gas station.

so I don't begrudge them at all I wish they had told the truth that we were moving back for good but I think they made the right choice ultimately so yeah and I was lucky I got to I appreciate being from Malaysia and seeing Singapore and seeing Australia and then coming to America and having a bit more perspective on things you know I truly think it feels like a superpower sometimes

It's what my father said to me.

Thank you. Thanks for having me on. And I'd like to note the contrast between the yelling of that clip and how calm the rest of the interview will be.

I mean, I didn't start comedy here. I started doing stand-up comedy in Australia. So when I came here, I was already six years into comedy. If you're asking me what it's like to start again in America, it was like a dream because I always wanted to do comedy in New York City. It's the best city in the world to do comedy. You can do five, six, eight shows a night here.

The best comics are here, so you're competing against them. So if you have to follow them, you have to be good. But, I mean, I've told this story many times, but one of the best advice I got was from Mr. John Oliver, who, when I first joined The Daily Show, I met up with him because The Daily Show has a very strong alumni, truly the Harvard Business School of Comedy.

And I asked him for advice on how to be a correspondent in America. being a non-American correspondent on The Daily Show, which is something that he's uniquely placed to give me advice on. And he told me that it took him two years to relearn how to do comedy in America. And he was spot on. He was spot on.

And he was, you know, he was saying like, well, I mean, this is my interpretation of what he was saying, is that when you come to America as a foreign headliner comic, you can do comedy for... 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. You can kill for... You could maybe even kill for 30 minutes. But you're always doing comedy as like the outsider.

You know, meaning like you're coming in, you're making fun of America on a very surface level. And that works... for about nine months. But after nine months or like 11 months, I think the audience and you yourself subconsciously can feel the inauthenticity of that in the sense of like, you've been here long enough. You should know that this isn't that weird.

why are you still making fun of five flavors of Coca-Cola? You know, like you should know better now. You've been here long enough. And so the point was that it took two years to really kind of get a little bit more understanding of America where you could joke about it in a way that one, Americans haven't heard before and two, in a way that they agree with you in the authenticity.

He said no white person will ever buy a ticket to go watch him.

Yes. Like literally the day after I spoke to him and I told him I was on The Daily Show, he, you know, he Googled everything about it. And he was like, hey, you know, Jon Stewart is a big deal in America. I'm like, yeah, Dad, I know. That's what I was trying to tell you. And he was like, yeah, he makes a lot of money, man. This guy's making a lot. This guy's a multimillion dollar contract.

I'm like, yeah, yeah. Comedy is a big business in America. And then he, yeah, then he started following it more. But they've always been into American politics, you know, from afar.

Yeah, he would. Only in hindsight. Now, you know, he passed away in 2018. And I talk about this in the special. It's actually the last story I tell in the special. And only in hindsight do I realize like, oh, yeah, he was... he would hold court at family gatherings and he would joke about politics and he would roast the decisions by leaders or people around him, family members.

No, I didn't think that was true. But I didn't tell him I was going to go do it. I went to go do it. And then he found out after I've been doing stand-up comedy for about two years. And then he found out. And he was trying to...

He would make fun of family members. So it was a very, I would say, a very modern style of comedy that he was doing. But obviously he didn't know he was doing comedy. He was just being the life of the party. And he was usually the most educated guy in the room, usually. So he would be making fun of current affairs, current events, people, family members. He would just roast them.

Yeah, that's how he would do it.

uh i can't deny that having perspective helps a little bit because i have something to compare america to um so i know what's a extreme idea or what's not you know compared to other countries i also know what america does better than other countries um so i guess that lets me talk about it a I don't know.

I think a lot of what I learned about comedy, I'm very lucky that I moved to New York City when I was 30 years old, nine years ago, because I think being here in this environment made me a better comic. I don't think comedy is the greatest art form on the planet and whatever, but I think it's a good art form. And one of the good things about it is that we talk to live human beings every day.

So you get a sense of where the cultural zeitgeist is. I think a lot better than anyone else. So not just being able to live in different countries. I went to law school. I have a degree in finance as well. So I think I've gotten to see a lot of different worlds. I've seen the corporate world. I've seen the crazy world. comedian, live performing world. I've seen the left wing world.

You know, in Singapore, I see the conservative world, the Chinese world and Australian. So I've seen enough different kinds of subcultures to, I guess, be able to compare stuff.

Thank you so much for having me. This is a real honor to be on the show and to speak to you. Thank you so much.

protect me you know he was he was worried he was worried about what was going to happen you know what my future was going to be and then later on he got behind it nevertheless nevertheless when you were on the daily show and you started on the daily show you didn't tell your mother no i didn't tell them i got hired on the show what were you afraid of It wasn't so much afraid.

It was that I didn't want to brag about small achievements. I just wanted to do the work. I didn't want to tell them that I joined this institution, which, quite frankly, they didn't really know about anyway, and make it sound as though I made it, quote-unquote. You know what I mean? Well, you kind of had.

Sure, but I don't know. I think the work comes first, you know, getting the job is one thing, but then can you do the job? And so it honestly just came out of kind of humility of like, oh, yeah, I'm on The Daily Show, but doesn't mean I've done anything yet. So why tell them, you know, like my philosophy was like, like, just do the job and then maybe they'll hear good things about you.

And then that will be the, you know, I mean, like I didn't need the flowers from them.

Quite frankly, if you want to talk about bragging rights for them, once I started doing decent work and people started liking what I was doing, then they would go up to them and be like, hey, your son is on The Daily Show. Which I think is better than you coming out and trying to brag about something. At that point, I hadn't even been on screen yet.

I'm not sure how popular The Daily Show is in Singapore or Malaysia. So I'd rather just do the work and then hopefully people like it.

To be clear, that's a bit.

So the premise of the bit is that if I have a kid, what's going to happen if they want to do stand-up comedy? And I realize I'm just like my parents. Like, even me, who has done stand-up comedy professionally, if my kid wanted to do it, I'd be like my dad, too. I'd be like, why are you doing this? This is crazy. Especially me knowing what's involved in stand-up comedy.

All the more that I'm like, are you sure you want to do this? And one of the things I know about comedy that is, I think, quite a difficult thing to overcome is overcoming people's apathy and... And their lack of concern for your mental health. Which, by the way, is part of the reason why I never told anyone I was doing comedy. Not my friends or my parents or my family.

Because I wanted to test it in that environment. I wanted to test my comedy in an environment where nobody cared about you. Because I felt like if I could make these people who didn't care about me at all laugh, maybe this could be a job for me.

Yes. Yeah.

Sure. I'll let you guess which one's New York, which one's New Jersey in this analogy. But yes, it's just a bridge across that is called the causeway. People cross the bridge from Johor Bahru, Malaysia to Singapore every day. Every morning people wake up in Malaysia, go to work in Singapore and come back. braving the traffic and the fumes and the immigration.

No, was not. The stand-up I was exposed to was in New Hampshire when my parents would play Seinfeld, the sitcom. And so you would see Seinfeld do stand-up in his interstitials, right in between the narrative, he'd do stand-up. And I remember asking my mom, like, hey, and that was the first time I saw, I even knew that that could be an art form.

just standing there and telling jokes with no other props and, you know, it's just you and a microphone. And I told my mom like, hey, I want to try that someday. And my mom was like, oh, okay, cool. And I was like four years old.

Yes.

To be honest, when we watched it in... When we were watching in Malaysia and Singapore, we think that they're white people. At least for me anyway. I didn't realize like they were like a special type of ethnicity. I thought they were just a type of white person. And so when you're watching it, you're like... Like you get little samples of Jewishness in it, right? They'll drop a Yiddish word.

They'll have a Hanukkah. They'll have little things here and there where you slowly start to be like, oh, these, I think they're different to white American people. And we didn't have any stereotypes. So I just thought they were New Yorkers. You know what I mean? I didn't think like, oh, this is Jewish behavior or this is a Jewish joke. I just thought, oh, these are New Yorkers.

That's how New Yorkers talk. Until I came here, I realized, oh, it's its own thing.

Yes.

It was a reboot, yeah.

Yes.

That's a great question. I think, first of all, one, we might be in media silos. So the stuff I say on a daily show might not actually ever reach my mega friends because we're all so siloed in our media consumption. That's one. And then two, I think that decent people have a sense of humor.

about things you know so i wouldn't take uh the comment section as reality in terms of what what the reaction is to a clip in the comment section uh from mega people about political clip i don't necessarily think they would do react that way in real life face to face and um third of all hawaii is a very different vibe you know like hawaii people know how to get along for the most part

I think in Hawaii, they know how to put community before themselves, which is very un-American, by the way. That this idea that in Hawaii, you know, everyone's very generous and you get more than you give in Hawaii if you come with the right energy. And so I like to think that in Hawaii, I always try to come with the right energy. I won't be so presumptuous to say that I always manage to nail it.

But I think I come with the right energy and I think the locals and the Hawaiians there respond to that. So yeah. You know, they can be, you know, hardcore MAGA people, but they, you know, they're totally cool with me as far as I know.

Oh, you're quoting my special. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Um, those are all very concerning. Don't get me wrong. I think if he does any of that, it is upsetting and subverts the legal process in many ways, in some ways more blatant than others. My answer to that is we had four years of him. And The Daily Show was making fun of him every day during those four years. And essentially nothing happened.

So just going off of history and past evidence, which is all I kind of have to go by right now, is that kind of... You know, for me, that's kind of a sign of how it's going to be, you know, what his bluster versus his actual actions. I reserve the right to change my opinion if we all end up in jail. If we all end up in jail, then I will probably be wrong.

But maybe I'm just this is just wishful thinking on my part. But yeah. Yeah, he said a lot of concerning things about the law. But I think ultimately, I believe in American institutions. I believe in checks and balances.

You know, I believe that the entire founding of America was geared around having a weak federal executive who is unable to kind of use the government to go after citizens individually. I think that's the whole premise of America. And so because of that, I'm a bit more hopeful.

I hope I'm right, too. By the way, what do I know? I'm just a comic, just making dick jokes. But that's what I hope and that's what I believe. And that's why I'm still here.

So I guess American democracy still works as long as the guy who likes overthrowing the government wins the election because then he won't overthrow the government. So with the transfer happening, we're going to be talking about Trump again every day for another four years, I guess.

And I, for one, did not think that when I came out of the jungles of Malaysia to do comedy that I would be making jokes about Donald Trump every day for 13 years straight. 13 years. I don't talk about anybody as much. I don't talk about my mom as much as I talk about this guy. I don't talk about my wife as much as I talk about this guy. Yo, my wife thinks I'm having an emotional affair with him.

I'm going to be talking about this guy on my f***ing deathbed, okay? Which I assume will be in three years when he somehow brings back the bubonic plague. And you might be sitting at home saying, well, Ronnie, why don't you just shut the f*** up about Trump? Well, for the same reason CNN doesn't shut the up about him. Money.

Lots and lots of money. So let's get these dollars right now and get back to Donald Trump.

Partially. There's some truth to that.

Extremely surprised. Because we weren't necessarily friends. He was obviously much more successful than me in the festival circuit. So we rarely crossed paths. And I ended up performing with him for the first time in Canada, just for laughs, in Montreal. And that's when he... was very friendly to me at the show. He was very complimentary. He said, it's great. You know, what you're doing is great.

And, um, I said, oh, thanks so much. I didn't think too much about it. Right. And then, uh, maybe two years later, I get this email to audition for the daily show. And I was like, it was like a dream come true. I couldn't believe it, you know? And so, uh, I still remember doing the audition in my apartment in Melbourne. And, um,

sending it in and then getting the call back to come to New York City and audition for The Daily Show in New York City, which was obviously, you know, a huge deal if you're coming from Australia. And so, no, I did not expect to get it at all. It was very much him who put the spotlight on me, as in The Daily Show would never have found me if not for Trevor insisting that I get on.

Daddy, daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a stand-up comedian, just like you.

And again, I'm not his closest friend, you know. I don't even think I'm his funniest friend. He just really was adamant that... he wanted an Asian person on the show because he felt that Asian people are like half of the world's population, but there's no presence on The Daily Show. And I guess at that time, he was thinking of a more international show, right?

You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network.

Hold on a second, Ronny. So we're bringing in our speedboat here. We're going very fast again. Do you have a sports question of any kind, Ronny, that you would ask our speedboat correspondent, that you would want him to give you an answer to as fast as possible? Nein. Okay, ich habe dich in einen schlechten Spot gesetzt. Du hast vorhin verabschiedet. Ja, ich mache das immer noch.

Und jetzt geht Taylor wieder langsam.

Auf der Rückseite, aber ich meine... Nun, wir werden dich wieder aufnehmen und es richtig machen und es besser machen, ohne jemanden auf einem Fahrrad zu haben, okay? Also, wenn du uns die Gelegenheit nimmst, es wieder zu machen, weil ich die ersten sechs Minuten von diesem Thema verpasst habe.

It doesn't sound promising. It doesn't sound promising. It doesn't sound, yeah, I don't blame you if you don't, but thank you for this.

Which is normally something you expect to hear only at Red Sox games. or, honestly, any place in Boston that serves alcohol. But enough about baseball. Let's talk about something people actually watch, the Olympics. In 1948, Victoria Manalo-Drez became the first AAPI Olympic champion. But being Filipino, she also faced a lot of discrimination.

That's right, people. We've got our own month. And in honor of AAPI Month, I'm gonna teach you about the most underrepresented demographic of all time, Asian Americans in sports. And I don't just mean the heavy hitters, like Jeremy Lin, Michelle Kwan, Tiger Woods. Yeah, we're claiming him. You got a problem with that? Take it up with the UN.

In fact, when she was younger and she used a public pool, the town assholes would drain the water after she swam in it, which isn't just racist, it's idiotic. You're gonna double your water bill just because you're afraid of catching being Asian? You can't even get that from a pool. You have to share the same straw, dumbasses.

But against the odds, Manalo won her gold medal in the women's three-meter springboard, and she was cheered on by diver Sami Lee, the first Asian-American man to win an Olympic gold medal. That's right, the first two AAPI gold medals at the same games. It was like Asian Christmas, which is just Christmas. But not every Asian who broke the color barrier had a happy ending.

In 1948, Larry Kwong became the first non-white player in the NHL when he joined the New York Rangers. But they only put him on ice for a minute, and he never played in another game again, which sucks. But breaking the color barrier is like losing your virginity. Even if you only did it for a second, it still counts.

Another great first happened in 1927 when Walter R. Chu became the first person of East Asian descent to play in the NFL. Because his last name was R. Chu, he earned the nickname Sneeze. Sadly, this was before athlete sponsorships were a thing, so he couldn't even get that sweet, sweet Kleenex money. Eventually, he retired from the NFL to compete in a safer sport.

wrestling, proving that Asians can roll around without balls in someone's face just like everyone else. But let's move on to my personal favorite sport, basketball. The first non-white player of any race in NBA history was Japanese-American Wataru Misaka. In 1947, he was the first draft pick of the New York Knicks, and they even promoted his skills to sell tickets.

But shocker, he faced a lot of anti-Japanese sentiment and only ended up playing three games. It was so bad, he decided to go back to school to get his engineering degree, which I respect. He was basically like, oh, you don't like me being Asian? Well, I'm gonna be extra Asian now, bitches. But sports isn't just about the athletes.

There's so many other people who've made history without destroying their joints. People like Kim Ng, who became the general manager of the Miami Marlins, making her the first female GM in any major American men's league. She worked her way up the ladder, facing racism and sexism. It's the surf and turf of discrimination. So now you know. There's been so many unsung Asian sports heroes in history.

Don't bother thanking me. My meager teacher salary is thanks enough. And yes, this is all gonna be on the final. All right, all right, settle down, everyone, because today we're learning about something that's blowing up all over the world. No, not climate change, okay? I don't teach boring stuff in this classroom. I'm talking about K-pop.

It's why your cousin suddenly speaks Korean more fluently than English. And believe it or not, K-pop used to be something that only Koreans knew about. The rest of the world wasn't always into it. Like how there was a time when white people didn't know about yoga. The first group to really break through internationally was the Kim sisters.

Sukja, Eja, and Minja started singing as children during the Korean War for American GIs. They sang, they danced, and they played 20 instruments. I can't even name 20 instruments. Saxophone, In 1959, they got a contract to perform in Vegas. Ed Sullivan was taping a show there and they managed to book a performance on the show. There was such a hit, they got asked back 20 more times.

Instead, I want to focus on the underdogs who blazed the trail for all the other Asian American athletes to come. People like Wally Yonamine, the Japanese-American who played not one, but two professional sports. And unlike Michael Jordan, he didn't suck at one of them. Also, he never became a crying meme. Why are you sad? You're Michael Jordan.

Do you know how great you have to be to get asked back to anything 20 times? I don't even get invited to join LinkedIn that much. Unfortunately, the growth of K-pop hit a bump in the road soon after, when South Korea fell under the dictatorship of President Park Chung-hee, who started banning music. They even created blacklists of songs that radio stations couldn't play.

Everyone's end-of-year Spotify summary just said, your most played song was the national anthem. But Korean artists kept making music that challenged the status quo, like folk singer Han Dae-su, whose albums were banned for anti-government messaging. Or rock guitarist Shin Jong-hyun, who, the story goes, defied the dictator's request to write a song in his honor.

And let's face it, wanting a song to be written about you is classic dictator behavior. Right after military parades and having a weird haircut, everyone tells you looks great. By the 80s, the dictatorship had loosened. And by loosened, I mean the dictator was assassinated. But whatever, it made listening to the radio fun again.

Outside music was allowed back in the country, and two of the most influential genres became hip-hop and R&B. Black artists from Michael Jackson to run DNC reshaped the musical landscape of South Korea. It inspired performers like Deuce, DJ DOC, and Sir Taegi and Boyz, who are the earliest examples of K-pop as we know it today.

They even made it into the movie soundtrack for Three Ninjas Kick Back. You didn't think we'd be watching a movie in class today, did you? Yeah, well, I didn't think I'd still have a hangover. But sometimes life surprises you. This was a big moment for Korean pop music, even if the song was being played over a scene set in Japan. But give them a break, okay?

They're the three ninjas, not the three cultural sensitivity experts. The next big step towards today's K-pop was in the 1990s, when major music studios started putting performers together in boy and girl bands. That's right, Korea was doing that long before Simon Cowell's nips ever started poking through his T-shirts. That's a no from me, dawg.

It's no surprise this new wave of K-pop blew up around the world. It featured complex melodies unlike any other pop music and always had next level dance choreography. To this day, those remain the signature elements of K-pop. That and being Asian. Very important requirement.

This new generation of K-pop stars became so successful, the government started to take notice and soon launched a program to promote Korean music around the globe. They saw K-pop as a way to boost Korea's cultural strength and economy without having to do a squid game. But one of the biggest K-pop sensations was a surprise no government could predict.

I'm sorry, I know it took you 10 years to get this out of your head, but we gotta talk about it. Gangnam Style was the first video to break a billion views on YouTube. It was so popular, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon praised the song, saying the arts was the path to cultural understanding. He said that about Gangnam Style.

That's like if they played Baby Shark during a war and all the soldiers started laying down their weapons and hugging each other. Since then, the rest of the world is more into K-pop than ever before. From girl groups like Girls' Generation and Blackpink, to artists like CL. But let's get to the group you've been waiting for. The reason you all enrolled in this class in the first place.

BT mother ass. Three letters so important, the rest of the alphabet doesn't even exist anymore. They've dominated the charts. They've generated billions in revenue. They made it okay to eat butter again. They even increased tourism to South Korea. I mean, I'm glad my fans aren't that devoted, because then they'd have to travel to Australia, which, trust me, you don't wanna do that.

First, in 1947, Yonamine became a running back for the San Francisco 49ers. But in the wake of World War II, he faced a ton of discrimination, even while he was playing. When he would get tackled, the opposing team would punch and kick him. Do you realize how insane that is? I mean, it's football. Everyone's going home with brain damage already. You don't need to force it.

BTS is without a doubt the biggest group in the world. You can tell by their fans. The BTS Army is the second largest military after the US, and they've drawn zero weddings. BTS might be on hiatus, but there's so much new K-pop we can enjoy while they're gone. And now you know how I got to where it is today. Oppa Gangnam Style. Oh, now it's in my head. Get it out. Hello class, thanks for coming.

Although you really had no choice, since if you don't come to school in America, your parents get arrested. Today, we're gonna learn about some of the great Asian veterans in US history, because Asians have served in the US military for almost as long as America has fought in wars, which is basically the whole time.

America loves war so much it wants to have its babies and then send those babies to go fight in the next war. Anyway, first up is Augustine Feliciano, who fought in the War of 1812, which happened in... Let's see here. Let's see here. The teacher's guide doesn't actually say, so nice going, morons. Feliciano was the first Filipino to serve in the US Navy.

But before he sailed with the Navy, he sailed with pirates. That's right, American history has Asian veterans and Asian pirates. I'm blowing your freaking mind today. What's next, Asian werewolves? No, that's beneath us. Let's fast forward to America's Civil War. The first one, not the one currently happening every day in your Twitter feed.

The Civil War is where Chinese American soldiers began to make their mark. Of the roughly 200 Chinese Americans living in the Eastern US at the time, 58 of them served in the war. That's 58 out of 200. Can you calculate the percentage from that number? It's easy.

You just cross out the zeros, you move the decimal point over, you flip the whole thing, you multiply by 100, and you plug your phone and use a calculator. Math is easy, especially for me, a teacher. One of the most distinguished Chinese Civil War vets was Joseph Pierce.

He rose in the ranks to corporal, the highest rank of any Chinese American in the Union Army, which I can also relate to because I am the highest ranking Asian at The Daily Show. Though sadly, I do not have as many confirmed kills. And yeah, there were white soldiers in the 1800s who were taking orders from an Asian guy. Because those guys were hashtag allies.

and they didn't even need to brag about it on Instagram. All right, Julia? We get it. You taught your dog Cantonese. But not every veteran got what they deserve. Edward Day Cahota was a Chinese immigrant adopted by an American ship captain who fought in the Civil War and then served for another 26 years. But get this, America still refused to make him a citizen. Can you believe that?

I mean, this guy risked his life in the military for almost 30 years. Most citizens never do anything close to that. they automatically get citizenship just by getting pooped out of their mom's butt. That's right, I threw in some sex ed for free. You're welcome. Let's move on to World War I and one of its greatest Asian-American heroes, Lao-Sing Kee.

He was a runner, which means he ran messages to the front line, all while dodging gunfire and flamethrowers. That's right, this guy risked his life to send messages. I hope this makes you grateful for texting. In fact, I wish this was still how we had to send messages. You probably think twice if you had to run across a battlefield to give someone a picture of your dick.

After a wrist injury in 1951, Yonamine decided to switch to baseball. He moved to Japan to play for the Yomiuri Giants, where he was an 11-time All-Star and became the first American player ever to be inducted into the Japanese Baseball Hall of Fame. Crazy thing is, Yonamine faced racism in Japan too, but this time because he was American. At games, the fans would chant, Yankee, go home!

Now let's turn to World War II. We saw Asian American heroes like Daniel Inoue, who fought in the 442nd Regiment, a unit made up completely of soldiers of Japanese descent and one of the most decorated regiments in military history. During a combat mission in France, Inoue escaped death when a bullet to his chest was blocked by two silver dollars. Try doing that with Bitcoin, you crypto bitches.

Daniel Inoue is why I carry two silver dollars in my breast pocket at all times. Wait, where are they? Oh yeah, I got that vending machine coke. Okay, nobody shoot me until I can get to the bullion exchange. Even after his military service, Inoue went on to serve 50 years in Congress. So congrats to him on finding the only job worse than combat.

But maybe the biggest Asian badass to come out of World War II was Captain Nieves Fernandez, a Filipino schoolteacher who became a guerrilla warfare fighter and led a squadron that killed over 200 Japanese soldiers. You hear that, class? Schoolteachers can become guerrilla assassins. Do not mess with us! Ow! Goddamn, it's sharp.

The last veteran we're gonna learn about today is a living legend, and not how that term is usually used, like if your friend Jake wins a stupid flip cup tournament. I mean an actual legend, Tammy Duckworth. She served as a Blackheart helicopter pilot in Iraq until 2004, when her aircraft was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade. She lost her legs and partial use of her right arm.

For her sacrifice, she was honored with a purple heart. I don't know why it's purple. I guess whoever designed it was a huge Prince fan. But her service didn't end with the military. She went on to become the first Thai-American woman and disabled woman elected to Congress. She also became the first woman to bring a baby onto the Senate floor, although it definitely wasn't the first diaper.

Those dudes are old as shit. So class, in conclusion, from now on, when you think of Asians in American history, don't just think of railroads and that guy from Breakfast at Tiffany's who isn't actually Asian. Think of Tammy Duckworth, Lao Tsing-Ki, and Nieves Fernandez, who kill-built half an army. Speaking of which, I gotta go tend to this neck wound.

Knowing how cheap these school districts are, I probably have lead poisoning. Class dismissed.

Moving on, despite the lack of March Madness upsets, there was one Cinderella story that the entire world could get behind.

Jordan, did your brain tear its ACL? Okay, we shouldn't be giving an equipment manager endorsement deals. It's against the natural order of things. The jocks get the endorsement deals and the glory and the girls and the nerds get to get beat up by the jocks, then start social media companies that warp the brains of the jocks to eventually vote against their own interests.

Which brings us to my bracket buster, Better Than Knife. Which random nerd will get an endorsement deal next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. As Thomas Jefferson once said, it ain't gay if it's a parlay. Now it's time for our Sports War Halftime Report with Grace Kuhlensmith.

By now, we all know the story about how Trump's team included a reporter in their war planning group chat. And we don't need to hear it again. But it is super funny, so let's hear about it again.

Bravo, bravo. I love dudes. This is exactly what vasectomies are all about. Watching sports alone with a bag of frozen peas on your junk. I mean, me, I'm on my 11th vasectomy this year. Is that why you missed my wedding? No, I missed it because I don't like seeing you happy.

Before we go, let's throw it back to Grace for our post-game report.

I've seen it when he eats cereal.

My guest tonight is the first woman, first Asian, first Michelle to be elected mayor of Boston. Please welcome Mayor Michelle Wu. Standing ovation. Outstanding ovation in New York for the mayor of Boston. That's very hard to get. That's the first time. I love you. I don't usually make demographics such a big deal, but, like, how did you become mayor?

Of Boston.

Well, what's the answer? How did you...

Yeah, went to Harvard Law School.

OK, OK.

Okay, okay. That's great. That's the ball. First of all, New York forever. And second of all, so how did you become the mayor of Boston instead of Anson? Like, I don't know if you've been to Boston, but this is not the demographic for mayor of Boston. Like, you came to my show when I was there. I was doing stand-up there. You were very nice. You came. Sold out show.

Sold out shows at Wilbur, not to brag. And you came. And my DJ was there. My DJ is like a Chicago, Korean, American guy. And I was like, oh, that's the mayor of Boston. And he was like, what?

But how did you convince these guys?

They gave you a standing ovation. Why did you... No, no, this isn't about New York versus... This is not about New York versus Boston because New York is clearly better. I'm saying... I'm saying... No, no, no, it's not about that. It's not about who's a better city, which we clearly are. It's more that how did you get those guys to vote for you?

Because this is not the demographic that... How did you convince them to put you in charge?

Okay. But right now, it feels like everyone, you know, politicians, everyone hates politicians now more than ever. Like, why did you get, like, what made you want to put yourself out there to get into this? You know, it's a very thankless job.

We hate the mayor.

Yeah.

Sure. And so, again, like, you... I think you won your last election at 64% of the vote. Is that right? Is that right? So you're incredibly popular in Boston, and they trust you to run the city. How did you convince these Boston people?

What, and they just believed you? They just believed you? What...

Okay, you see, this optimism, I'm not, I can't. So you became mayor of Boston at like 36, which is pretty insane.

Yeah, well, I know, because we're born in the same year. So I'm like, damn, this woman became a mayor already. I'm still here telling dick jokes. But like this, no, but like something about Boston, you're like the youngest successful Boston person running Boston since like Theo Epstein, right? the best of the Epsteins. He was like the youngest GM of, I don't know why they trusted you.

I mean, obviously you're very good at your job. What's the toughest thing you face in Boston?

You think that's funny, don't you? That the stupid Secretary of Defense is so stupid and all drunk that he texted, well, clean on OPSEC when there's a reporter right in the group chat? Yeah? Well, laugh it up, people, because unlike you, I have human empathy for these people who are just trying their best to kill other humans, all right?

So you're mayor, you're running the day-to-day of the city, right? What's the hardest thing day-to-day, like mayoring in Boston?

OK. Um, so, like... I just, all right. So right now, you know, you ran as a Democrat as well. Democrats, I don't know if you've seen the news lately, incredibly unpopular in this country. I could not be less popular. Everyone hates everything they're doing. So how do you, everyone hates that. Like, I don't know what the, like 10% popular, whatever it is, it's horrible.

How do you, as a Democratic mayor, like do outreach to what I assume is a large percentage of your constituency that probably voted Republican and MAGA and Trump?

So you're saying you outreach by focusing on... Doing the work. Doing the work that everyone agrees that should be done. Is that your method for success, actually just doing the work?

little thing yeah so that's actually what you found i'm genuinely curious how i know you don't find this weird i'm telling you most people watching this are like how the hell let me tell okay let me tell you a little bit more about boston um you didn't tell me boston boston's my childhood chinatown okay i know boston yeah i used to live in manchester new hampshire you drive to boston uh for that was like our local chinatown we'll go there for supplies to bring it back to new hampshire

And I guarantee that if anyone in this audience had their group chats leaked, it would ruin every single one of your lives. I personally have chats that are actually more sensitive than a missile attack on the Houthis, okay? If you told me that my group chats leaked and then told me it was just my missile attack one, I'd be like, oh, my God, thank God. Thank God.

Because I don't know if you know, there's not a lot of Malaysian grocery stores in Manchester, New Hampshire. So we would go to Boston to get it. So I know Boston. That's why I'm even more surprised that you became mayor.

Do you think people are feeling this on the streets? in Boston?

So lots of ways to get involved. So sorry for hopping on about this, because obviously you're very popular in Boston. My thing right now is I'm wondering, whenever I can get a Democrat who's actually popular, which is very rare in this country. Every time I get to sit to someone who actually, it seems like both sides of both tribes seem to get behind such as yourself.

I kind of focus on the kind of the outreach to the other tribe more. So for example, if someone was to tell you, you know, like recently you got, I guess you got, you testified in Congress about sanctuary cities, you know, which is one issue in many things. And you defended yourself well. What do you say to the people in your constituency who might feel like, hey, why are we doing this?

What's the big deal with this sanctuary city thing? If people are illegally in the country, shouldn't we arrest them and get rid of them? What is the big deal?

So, I guess... I guess, I mean, look at these, I don't know, these people from Boston or something. I don't know what's happening here. These people came here from Boston. So what advice would you give to the Democrats running now about how to not be such losers? Or, like, connect to the people more.

It seems like there seems, I don't know, I truly don't understand what's happening, because every day on this show, we talk about some bullshit that happened, and then nothing seems to matter, and then I'm like, I guess nothing matters anymore. So there's clearly a disconnect between the Democratic Party, or maybe politics in general, if you're being generous, and the common people, right?

There's some kind of, there's something weird happening. Like, is that, do you feel that way?

And by the way, it wasn't even Pete Hegseth who added him. It was some other incompetent guy at the highest levels of government, okay? Like, what, you think Hegseth has the editor of the Atlantic magazine saved in his phone? No way, all right? If Hegseth autofilled a contact into a group chat, it would be like Tampa Bay blonde with Bugs Bunny tattoo. But still, you gotta ask, how did this happen?

And now you're the government.

Okay, so... Um... Well... Look, I mean, I don't know. If you can become the mayor of Boston, maybe, you know, one of arguably the most racist cities in America, then maybe there's hope for everyone yet. I mean, I don't know.

Yeah.

I don't know. I got a lot of love for Boston. They were nice to me when I was there. But there is a stereotype of the city, which you are totally, I don't know. I still don't understand how you got elected. I mean, obviously you're good at your job and you're charming and all that, but that was enough for them to convince them?

No, New York City is perfect. I'm not sure if you... I'm not sure if you've been out there. This place is great. We got, you know, we got rats and feces. I hear that there's like a secret WhatsApp group of Asian mayors. I met the mayor of Cincinnati.

Can I join this group chat? Put me in. For me, I help you guys out. Okay, look. You're Mayor Wu. You're the best. Thank you for representing all Asians. Thank you for making the city of Boston great. I appreciate all you do. I know it's a very thankless task. Boston Mayor Michelle Wu, everybody. We're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.

I mean, don't you guys have tech support in the government? I mean, what, oh. Well, okay, well, if you ask me, adding a reporter wasn't even the most embarrassing thing to happen on this group chat.

Is anyone else kind of upset that we're conducting war by emoji now? I mean, what does this even mean? What, I'm gonna fist the flag and then light it on fire? There's a reason why you don't use emojis for life and death situations. It's too open to interpretation, okay? Like imagine if your doctor texted you a crab emoji, right? And now you're going, oh my God, I have crabs?

And your doctor has to be like, LOL, no, it's the astrology sign for cancer. You have cancer. But now everyone is yelling at them about this breach of national security or whatever, and the Department of Defense is having trouble defending themselves. Luckily, all of MAGA is there to help them. Counter-argument one. Nobody's perfect.

Boris, I gave you the sound bites. Stop asking follow-up questions. If I wanted to talk to a journalist, I'd be on a private group chat with Pete Hegseth. Okay, cut it out. Like, come on, what, we're just calling this a mistake now? Like, look, my door dasher for getting straws is a mistake that can be rectified with one star and no tip, okay?

But this feels like a major up, and they're acting like nobody will care about this. And honestly, they're probably right. I mean, nothing seems to matter anymore anyway, and everyone will forget this in a few days when Trump sends the new Snow White to Gitmo.

And even if they didn't accidentally add a journalist into this group chat, they weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff on Signal in the first place, okay? Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it's not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.

That's right, foreign adversaries could be watching whatever Pete Hegseth types into his phone, like, bar near me, or how to fool breathalyzer, or how to un-crash car. But if you're not satisfied with, it was just a mistake, they have another defense. It was just a mistake that was awesome.

Precision. I mean, even your texts weren't hitting the intended targets, all right? Like, forget the hoothies. I'm surprised they didn't accidentally blow up Hootie and the Blowfish. This is like if your sex tape leaked and you're like, hey, I'm glad you saw all of it, okay? This proves my dick works.

By the way, Mike Johnson, if you're watching, a sex tape is when two people love each other very much, but they also want to masturbate later. Just to summarize, the Trump administration admitted this happened, but it was a small mistake, and it was a good thing that it happened, but also, what if the reporter made the whole thing up? Not a good reporter.

Right. So this reporter who is dishonest and sucks is also correct. And also, we added him to our group chat because he's a fun hang. I mean, you can't use it was a mistake and it was fake news. You got to pick one, okay? You got to get together and figure it out, okay? But not in a group chat. No more group chats.

You know what? All's well that ends well. The good news is that no one got hurt except for the people of Yemen. And I guess it'll be okay as long as everyone involved learned their lesson.

Okay, good enough, yep, good, good, good, good. We solved it, good. Of course, everyone is wondering what this scandal means for America's national security under Donald Trump, but there's another important question. What does it mean for journalism? And the answer is something that's gonna make a great movie.

Get all the Oscars now! When we come back, Jordan and I get mad about March Madness, so don't go away!

Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into today's top story. I know you goddamn hippies like to blame Donald Trump for everything up in the country, but hey, not everything that happens is his fault. He has a whole administration that can up for him. So let's find out the latest in our new segment, The Worst Wing.

For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.

Like Ant-Man, I want teeny tiny little athletes. That's nuts, Ronny.

Well, ants can lift 50 times their body weight. Try culturing yourself and watching a Marvel movie, you moron.

Wow, just like Jordan over here, this year's tournament sucks!

Where's the drama? Where's the crazy upsets? The only reason I watch these games is to see Duke fans crying to their ascots. Where are my Cinderella stories at? Usually there's at least one fairy tale underdog with a starting lineup of guys that all have heart conditions and whose team is just integrated for the first time.

Okay, quinceañera is at 15, pendejo. Also, mi quinceañera muy excelente.

What is this one? Withdrawing from the World Health Organization. Ooh.

Right? People are coming out in support of more nationalist governments and making sure that we can actually support our people and not globalist elites. Stay out, globalist elites. Absolutely. That is exactly what we want. Are you excited to see Elon Musk up there? I am. And MAGA isn't just for one kind of people. We are for the American people and everybody that that encompasses.

Which brings us to our Tush Tech Better Than Night. Who will be the first Dodgers player to get sucked into a Japanese toilet? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. The new pope hasn't condemned it yet.

A reality TV show for citizenship is somehow the most un-American and most American thing I've ever heard. Although we already have a contest to prove who's the most American, and it's called the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. What's more American than eating until your colon explodes and then going bankrupt from medical bills? But let me be clear, I hate this idea.

Yeah, like a marinara sauce. That could be interesting.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an award-winning fashion designer who launched his eponymous label in 2009. His memoir is called Walk Like a Girl. Please welcome Prabhu Guru. Bravo, everybody.

New York City, give you a standing ovation. I mean, thank you very much.

I decided to dress like Ronnie. Yeah. Didn't you get the memo what was going to happen? Yeah, it's good to see you, man. You're the highest of the highs in the fashion world. Bravo.

You honor us with your taste and your grace. Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, so you've, like, dressed, you know, the Met Gala, Obama, Michelle Obama. How does a guy go from, how does a person go from being a kid in Nepal to the highest of the highs in New York City fashion?

Yeah. So... So having a delusional family. Delusional family. No, I didn't say family. I said delusional me. Right. But your family also encouraged you, because that's a big part of this book. I mean, first of all, I read the book. It's great. Very easy to read. A little sad sometimes. Yes. But that's life. Yeah, OK. I wasn't complaining. I'm just describing it. Yeah, it's good. No, it wasn't.

No, it's bittersweet. It's like the sad moments, but there is hopefulness in it, even in the sad moments. When I'm reading the sad moments, I think it's because I know how you end up. I know how the book ends, so I'm like, oh. Yeah, this is nothing. But one theme of the book that keeps popping up is how much you love your mom. Yes. You keep talking about how much you love your mom.

Like, why do you love your mom so much?

Mom, you're incredible as well, and you are also the best as well. Well, that was an afterthought, just so that you know. No, I wasn't after. I was immediately on it. Mom, you are the best. I love you, Mom. My mom is the best. No, my mom is better. My mom is better than you. Well, really? Have you written a book? Have I written a book about my mom? Not yet. There you go.

Why do you love your mom?

Unless they're looking for a host, then I love this idea. And I'm available on Fridays. I... I will say, it might be a nicer way to get deported. Instead of ICE agents disappearing you up in unmarked vehicles, Ryan Seacrest walks into your living room with a TV crew and is like, Carlos, we're taking you out of the USA.

Just saying. I just woke up and I just saw this. I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll just try this on the show today. I didn't know. It's so embarrassing that you decided to. This is kind of embarrassing. Yeah, I mean, I just thought, listen. Next time, check with your stylist. Will do, will do. Because you can't just walk on the show dressing like the host.

I don't know how you pull this off. This is very, I'm very cold right now. You wear this all the time. I have no idea how you don't wear a shirt under your jackets. What makes you think this is not a shirt? No, I can see the cleavage. I don't know how you get with it.

There's some people who shouldn't be showing off their cleavage.

No, we don't need to. Across multiple genders, some of them don't need to show their cleavage. Your mom, tell me about your mom. Why do you love your mom?

Which, by the way, it wasn't that, you know, white people watch this and they're like, that's normal. But where... In Nepal, it's... Yeah, but I think that it was a big deal for her to be like that for you in Nepal. Because you want the typical kid.

I love you all for that. Every page of the book. That what you just felt, that's every page of this book. And yes, you know what? Guess what?

So is your mom good or not?

I love my mom, too. I love my mom. I just don't need to brag about it every five seconds. You have to meet my mother. Any of my friends who've met her, she's amazing. No, I'm sure she's great. You love her. Yeah.

I think that's the problem. There's multiple mothers there.

Did you wish your mom? I wish her for everyone. I cover all the bases. But I mean, it's because you bring her up in the book. I mean, I'm joking. It's not every single page, but she's definitely a recurring theme. At the start, she gives you strength. She keeps coming into the story. Even now talking to you, you can't shut up about her.

I know. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Otherwise, I wouldn't have. You know that. Here's the thing. I could talk to you forever because you've got such an amazing story. I'm trying to get out some gems for people. So I'll just speed round through these questions. So what would you say to young fashion designers now who are trying to enter the industry now?

No, don't applaud that. He said don't applaud that. He said don't. He doesn't need the validation. He doesn't need validation.

And I want to ask you quickly, because you were kind of in New York City at the kind of peak of high fashion in New York. It was the 90s. It was crazy. Vanity Fair. The parties meant something. Sound cars. Yeah, there was no internet, really. There was maybe a blog. Like, oh, no. No, not really. OK, well, AOL.

But meanwhile, Kristi Noem was testifying in Congress today about whether her administration is deporting people without habeas corpus, which is their right to due process. If you didn't know what habeas corpus was, don't worry, Kristi Noem didn't Google it either.

Yeah, so what was the fashion world like then compared to now? How has it changed? I know it's a broad question, but.

How did you know it was a porn star? Because...

So what is the advantage you would say that the fashion has now over in the 90s, the industry? I will say... I mean, many downsides, but what are some of the upsides? Yeah.

Well, I don't know if you heard the president, but that stuff is over now. We can't. I'm talking about fashion people who are smarter sometimes. So I guess for all the downsides of all these stupid influencers doing stuff for likes, there's still... No, that's a job.

So it's kind of taken away from the gatekeepers a little bit back in the day, right?

Well, that's a very cut down to a way to look at high fashion. And that's something I really like about you. You can go from the highest of all high fashion, the Met Gala, and you can come and have roadside coffee with me in Malaysia.

See how generous am I? I just want, dude, I'm so sorry. You know why that is?

Yeah, I'll talk about my mom. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. Look, I'm trying to compress so much. I'm sorry if it's a bit rushed. So I want people to see your genius sometimes. It's hard to see creativity in action. The best way I know how to represent it is if I give you some photos and you kind of illustrate for us kind of your ideas, your thoughts, on these, on this fashion concept.

Okay, all right. So what do you want me to talk about? So this is your, this is Tessa Thompson at the Met Gala. This is your dress. Yes. That you made. We would call it an ensemble.

Did your mom make this too? No, no, no.

Okay, look, if Kristi Noem was just a random person on the street, I'd get it if she was like, Hapius Corpus? That's a Harry Potter spell, right? Makes you invisible? But the Secretary of Homeland Security should know that Hapius Corpus prevents the president from deporting you without due process. Not that it lets the president deport you without due process. That's the opposite.

So can you just draw as though it makes people think like you're doing something cool on it? Okay. So what were the influences for this?

So this is super cheap, right? Yeah.

Yeah, we make it in New York. Here's another... I mean, this year at Met Gala was crazy.

So this is something... Actually, I think I was at the show. Yes. Thank you for inviting me. I was totally out of place there. No idea what I was doing. This is an outfit you had at the... You should have just worn this, by the way, what you're wearing.

And me, maybe I'll come here. It's okay, I don't need that validation. I'm all right here.

I don't know if I've ever seen you button a shirt, by the way.

Yeah, I like that phrasing.

This is also super cheap, right? This was like, okay. So let's try this one. Can you tell me what's going on with this outfit? Is this like a high fashion thing or what? Can you explain this? What is this? Wait, hold on. It's like, how many layers? Well, including the dandruff. That's like, there's like, at least he's wearing like... Oh my lord, do you see this?

Sorry, we're blocking the thing. Wait, wait, wait, no, if you move it. What are you doing? Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot.

I think it's like a, it's dandruff. Oh, it's dandruff, yeah.

What is the, what is going on here? Why is there, is this a thing for fashion? Is he legitimately fashionable or am I just?

It's also like Botox gone wrong, but anyway. But you're the fashion guy. You don't comment on the... Beauty.

But five shirts, is that good? Should you ever wear five shirts? I would say no.

of what it means, and I didn't know you could have dyslexia for laws. Either way, Noam whiffed hard on that question, but unfortunately for her, the quiz was just beginning.

He is almost like the antithesis of you. Because he's wearing five shirts and you're wearing no shirts. True. Direct opposite.

Oh, okay. You know what I'm talking about. This is the last one. This is the last one. So give me a meal on this. So... Who's this child? Who's this baby? Someone is... So what do you think about this outfit right here?

I mean... What does the hat say? Oh.

Yeah. You're like, I don't know. Yeah. I mean. Make America great. That's what I mean. Well, do you like the spin on it? Because usually this is a red, but this seems to be a limited edition black, black on black. I mean, does that give you, does that buy him any credit with you? Not at all. Okay. Please. What do you like about the fit? You know, what do you think about?

Twiggy, you know the model Twiggy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's what she would wear. Well, don't be negative. Anything positive from this? Anything? I love the curtains. Oh, the curtains you like?

And I think, you know, he was a visionary, but he, I don't know. OK. So would you recommend this fit? Thumbs up or thumbs down? To him? No, to anyone. This is a, I think, I believe this is called an om-som. Is that what you just drew there?

All right. All right, problem. You're the best, man. I hope I did good. Oh, you're the best. Thanks for having us on. Thanks for sharing your talent, and thanks for coming on the show, and thanks for sharing your good taste. I really appreciate it. You're the best, man. Thank you very much. Walk Like a Girl is available now. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for the night.

Now here it is, your moment of zen.

It was in one. It was the first... You didn't even read the first one. So can you stop? We get it, okay? Stop asking her harder questions. Like, how would senators like it if Kristi Noem asked you questions that she was an expert in, huh? Hey, Senator Kim, do you know how to trick a puppy into walking into an open grave? No? Not so smart now, are you?

Anyway, Kristi Noem, you still don't know the basics of American law, so I'm sorry to say... we're gonna have to take you out of USA. But luckily... I know. Won them back after the dog killing jokes. But luckily for America, Christine Noem isn't the only one in charge of keeping the country safe.

We also got Kash Patel and Dan Bongino, two guys who look like they should be henchmen in a Ninja Turtles movie, but are somehow running the FBI now. And before he took over, Dan Bongino wasn't afraid to tell us the truth about what the FBI was covering up.

Yeah, exactly. Epstein killed himself? Bongino knows the truth, and now he and Kash Patel get to see all the files. So on Sunday, they sat down for an interview to tell us what really happened. Because we know Epstein didn't just kill himself. He killed himself. What? He killed himself without air quotes? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard, all right? I was a single-issue voter on this.

I've never seen someone so sad that the deep state didn't kill someone. And also, hey, you can't talk so much shit about how the deep state did this and make it your entire personality and then now you're in it and you're like just shrugging it off like, oh yeah, I guess they were right the first time they investigated this.

I'm Roddy Shank. We got so much to talk about tonight. Kristi Noem fails a pop quiz. The FBI wants you to shut up about Jeffrey Epstein already. And while you were stuck at the airport, Sean Duffy did some redecorating. So let's check in with the best cabinet ever in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers.

Hey, if you fail that hard, you gotta let Hillary Clinton kill you, right? And finally, I don't know what we're cheering for. And finally, let's talk about the Department of Transportation. Recently, air travel in America has become what's known in the industry as totally . And I'm sure Secretary Sean Duffy has been working on a great plan to fix it. We are moving Jesus out of the basement. What?

Well, is that the new air traffic controller?

No, no, no, no. Thank God, because when my plane is going down, I can tell the person next to me, don't worry, that's a shitty Jesus painting. It's upstairs at the Merchant Marine Academy now. For more on the return of the Jesus painting, let's go live to the painting and hear from the King of Kings himself, Jesus Christ. Hello, my child. Wait, hang on, Jesus, you're white?

I mean, I thought the real Jesus was like Middle Eastern or something.

Of course. But, oh, hey, Your Majesty, Sean Duffy is taking you out of the basement. I mean, you've got to be happy about that.

Yeah, I guess that's technically true. But hey, at least you can be seen by more people in this historic painting.

Okay, well, I mean, you're kind of Jesus. Like, can you help us with some of this airport stuff? No! No!

All right. All right, well, hey, can you get me courtside seats? For you? Anything. All right, awesome. I'm going to bring my friend, Jordan Klepper.

Okay. Amen to that. That's very accurate. Hey, Jesus Christ, everybody. And we come back. Bill Belichick is in love, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. I think I speak for everyone when I say politics, drools, and sports rules. For a full recap on the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.

Let's start with Kristi Noem, Secretary of Homeland Security and one woman kill shelter. She's in charge of the country's pathway to citizenship, which for hundreds of years has been a solemn, dignified process for achieving the American dream. But what if, instead, it was tacky and gross?

I paid good money to see that. Oh, I paid good money to see a horse kick you in the face. Until then, let's talk sports. And the only story that matters is New York!

What a mind-blowing image. People smiling in Midtown Manhattan. No city party's hotter while standing in your arena than New York City, all right? And I love that guy who climbed the billboard. Can you believe he only pays $1,700 a month to live up there? It's practically a studio. But you know what? New Yorkers waited a long time. They deserve this.

And the best part of this celebration, Michael Kosta wasn't there.

Which brings us to our Bye Bye Boston Better Than Night. How will New Yorkers celebrate a Knicks championship brought to you by gambling? Gambling. I heard greyhounds actually like running until their legs explode. Let's move on from celebrating basketball and celebrate love or whatever the hell this is.

A surreal report that could turn immigration into a TV show. The Trump administration says it's in the very beginning stages of the vetting process for a reported immigrant reality TV show where immigrants would compete to prove they are the most American with a chance to win U.S. citizenship.

Grow up, Costa, you perv, all right? You're just jealous you'll never be famous enough to date a woman born four years from now. We sh... We should be celebrating their love. Love is strange. That's why it's beautiful. Remember that turtle that had sex with that shoe? Well, that shoe was 40 years younger than that turtle, and they seem perfectly happy to me.

I truly regret talking to you.

Hey, it's about time, all right? Baseball players are terrible at wiping. Have you ever noticed those shit marks under their eyes?

The media would love for you to believe that this is a media darling, that he's just some Maryland father. Well, Osama bin Laden was also a father, and yet he wasn't a good guy, and they actually are both terrorists.

I, myself, am a first-generation college graduate. I graduated from Harvard. I should disclose I went to Harvard, so I'm very familiar with the president and with how the community feels right now.

I don't want to, although I love America and have been before. But this time, that's a no.

Utter domination. There is no other way to describe what the Eagles did to the Chiefs. Talk about a blowout. Even I was like, is there a mercy rule here?

There it is. I direct the Army to change the name of Fort Liberty, North Carolina to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. That's right. Bragg is back.

Mingione comes from a prominent Maryland family, which owns multiple country clubs in the state.

He spent time in Hawaii at a co-living space during 2022 and 2023. And two people who knew Mangione during that time say that he was dealing with frequent back pain due to an injury. One added that Mangione started a book club, but several members left due to discomfort over what he chose to read.

An online book review from January of this year, apparently written by Mangione, praises some of the writings of the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski.

Ronnie, what's the latest? Well, Michael, we're slowly learning more about who exactly Luigi Mangione is. On the surface, a well-off, private school-educated young man, Ivy League graduate. He worked as a data engineer. All in all, he had a bright future. But five days ago, it took a dark turn. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Did you show... A photo of yourself shirtless hiking?

Yeah, don't worry about it. I just want to get some good pictures of me out there in case I'm ever in the news for murder. Wait, you're going to murder somebody? No, I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller, all right? But... If it happens someday, I want to do the responsible thing and have some thirst traps ready for CNN, all right? So just let me do my report. Okay, all right, fine. Go ahead.

Anyway, the killer's motivations remain a mystery, but what we do know is that... In an America with such easy access to weapons and one where passions run high, a tragedy is just moments away and can have consequences that last for life. Ronny, Ronny, what the hell is this, Ronny? What is this? No, that's just a Ken Burns effect, okay? It helps make still images more dynamic.

Uh, yeah, they will. That's how hotness works, Michael. I mean, just look at Jesus, okay? Would we still be talking about him today if he looked like Rudy Giuliani? Nah, I don't think so. I mean, the fact is, America is obsessed with image, and images in our society can dictate public opinion. And while we wait to hear about the suspect's motive... People are mentioning his history of health.

Stop laughing at this. Why am I in that photo? Why am I 400 pounds? Why am I covered in chili? This sucks. Michael, it's not personal, okay? It's just a comparison. It just makes me look harder, okay? But like I was saying, there was a manifesto, and Mangione does seem to have a serious problem with the health. No, no, that's, no. Ronnie, dude.

And you're not even in that photo. This sucks. Yeah, of course I'm not in the photo. Why would I associate myself with a loser who pees sitting down? Get out of here, Ronnie. Ronnie Chang, everyone. When we come back, we find out who won awards season, so don't go away. I don't pee sitting down.

Statues. They're not just fancy toilets for pigeons. They're the highest form of art, an expression of beauty that people come from around the world to marvel at. But some idiots are trying to marvel their way to second base.

My favorite word. My favorite word.

That's right. Horny morons have groped this statue so hard that the bronze finish wore off. Isn't the phrase, kiss me, I'm Irish, not motorboat my cat's iron cleavage, I'm Irish. How about you just let a fishmonger monger her fish in peace without you morons trying to touch her heaving mahi-mahis? It's almost... It gets worse. It's almost like these people don't know they aren't real boobs, okay?

It's not like a hard-boiled egg where you crack open the shell and reveal real boobs inside. But surely people must be doing this for a good and not stupid reason.

If it's lucky, I touch it. If it's a hole, I f*** it. Can someone in Ireland please tell this guy that skydiving without a parachute is also lucky? Please. And if you want to fondle a sculpture, that's your business. But don't act like you're doing it for good luck, okay? You're in Ireland.

If you need luck, go find a four-leaf clover or eat a leprechaun or make a keychain with Colin Farrell's eyebrow. Luckily for Molly, they figured out a way to protect her from these goofy dipshits.

Of course, hire some cops. It's a great idea. I mean, sorry, we can't do anything about your stolen car. We're busy fending off statue squeezers. I hope they at least give these guys guns, because I want someone's last words to be, hey everyone, check out me holding this boob. Oh wait, don't shoot, don't shoot! But really, the only way to protect Molly Malone is to move her to my apartment.

And no, it's not what you think. I will raise her like my own daughter. Day and night, I will watch over her, fending off suitors, killing those who wish her harm, and knowing that her safety is the only thing that adds purpose to my life.

Until one day, a nice Irish lad shows up and begs for her hand, at which point I will then lower my rifle and walk her down the aisle and say goodbye to my little girl forever. Anyway, it turns out that statue groping isn't just happening in Ireland. It's spreading across the globe like horny COVID.

Yes, I remember that scene in Shakespeare so well. Romeo, oh Romeo, rub my right tit, oh Romeo. So just so I'm clear on this, thousands of people are looking for love by standing in line to touch a statue. How about you just turn around and say, hey, we're both lonely. Let's get out of this line and touch each other. And no, it's not just women's statues getting action.

The male statues are also getting rubbed raw.

Hey, buddy, how about you save some of the over-the-pants hand jobs for the rest of us? I mean, these people are dry-humping a dead guy who's just trying to rest in peace when they could be going to town on this Dwayne Wade statue. I mean, look, he's practically begging for it. If there's a silver lining to these sexy statues, it's that they are forcing dumb people to learn something.

I mean, maybe Americans would be more interested in history if we had slapped some boobs on Mount Rushmore. Hey dad, do you know George Washington had wooden teeth and pepperoni nipples? Thanks statues.

Just when you thought polyamorous people couldn't get any more insufferable, bet you didn't see that coming. You thought this guy was some lonely weirdo? Well, he's dating a woman and his iPhone, so who's the weirdo now? Still him? Yeah, that checks out. Still, juggling two girlfriends can't be easy. Must be awkward when he gets them mixed up.

He's like, oh no, I took a bath with the wrong girlfriend, now she's dead. So what does this guy's in real life girlfriend think of all this?

Yeah, that's you. That's your job. That's what you're supposed to do. That's what a relationship is. Listening to your partner ramble. It's a podcast you can have sex with. So, girl, listen to me, okay? You're better than this. You don't need to be in this weird, soulless, three-way relationship. And yes, I'm talking to the robot. Get out, Desi.

Let's talk about romance. It's the leading cause of abortion in the United States. And in this haute-croix world, romance has now unfortunately transcended beyond the human realm.

Wow, how romantic slash threatening. What is your perfect day like? I like long walks on the beach to end with finding a dead body. Yes, AI relationships are on the rise, but don't worry, they're just like real relationships. I mean, who amongst us hasn't texted their wife, we're married? Question mark, exclamation point.

I'm no relationship expert, but I think the sign of a good marriage is knowing whether you're in one or not. And I know the kind of guy you're picturing that has an AI girlfriend. Bald, middle-aged, looks like he's into manga. Well, let me tell you, you are correct.

Now, it's easy to judge this guy for having an AI girlfriend, and we will get to that. But first, let's judge him for having the name Jason Pease. Please God, tell me his middle name is Poops And. And for the record, I'm allowed to make fun of him for that. Ronnie Chang is just my stage name. My real name is Daryl Queefs. So, tell me, what is Jason P's AI girlfriend like?

Why does your fantasy AI woman have to be sarcastic? I mean, what, I guess she doesn't seem real unless she's hurting your feelings? Like, oh yeah, you really complete me. And AI is supposed to revolutionize computing, so what in the name of Jason Poops and Peas is going on with her ID? My girlfriend's birthday, West 57th Street? I remember it because it's the same as her noi.

This idea is only getting past the dumbest bouncers, all right? All right, your noise looks a little off, but I'll let you in because my mother's name is also 031419993. Okay, fine, Jason, go ahead and laugh at her sarcastic comments and gaze into her weird anime eyes, but just don't let things get stupider than that.

Okay, that's much stupider. You're dining alone and you're sending spaghetti pictures to a robot. This guy must piss off so many waiters. Excuse me, excuse me, does the salad have walnuts in it? My girlfriend can't eat nuts. Or anything. Oh wait, she can eat nuts, she was just being sarcastic. But here's the thing, not every AI relationship is predictably stupid. Some are surprisingly stupid.

You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.

I mean, obviously, I think they should get one per half, like a challenge flag.

No, no, it's no such thing as too much smoke grenade. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a renowned astrophysicist and author whose latest book is called Merlin's Tour of the Universe. Please welcome the great Neil deGrasse Tyson! It's almost like your show. You're so beloved. Thanks for coming on. So great to meet you.

Yeah, I've met you before. I've watched you for years. I really appreciate it.

Oh, thanks so much.

Yeah, please watch that movie as many times as you can. It helps my contract negotiations. Yeah, I loved your book as well, your new book. Yeah, thank you. It's a republishing of Q&As that you got.

Brought into the 21st century. And so it's written in terms, the format is kind of short questions and you kind of give answers. And this was done over the course of the last, what, 30 years?

He's an artist. I want to get into that.

There you go. What a talented family. Art and science. And, yeah, what I love about this book is, like, it's almost written like poetry. The science questions in terms of, like, you know, every page is a distinct thing.

But it's almost like reading a Bukowski book, because you can just have it on your desk, and you flip it open, and you get some inspiration from how dumb people are. Like, this was written 35 years ago. Um, um, you know, well, I shouldn't say done. That's some good questions. How effective would the Hubble Space Telescope be for Earth viewing? Blah, blah, blah, Houston, Texas.

But I guess my point, like, this was written 35 years ago. Have you found, like, the general public's questions to you have gotten dumber or smarter? I... Like, where are we trending? Where are we trending?

I mean, do they wheel this doll out and whoever moves gets shot? I mean... But let's turn to a country just beginning its fascism period in another edition of Trump 2.0, coming for the White House. I'm going to come. Donald Trump has spent the last few weeks filling out his cabinet.

Oh, no.

Okay, so even in science, we're going to extremes. Yes, but I'm okay on either side of that fence. Mathematically, it cancels out. Yes, they average out to the middle. Look, very good. Yes, yes. Is that good? Take the average. It works out.

Yeah, I mean, you know, I hate to be... I'm trying to phrase these questions neutrally, but it sounds sometimes... It feels sometimes like when, as an outsider to America, I came here when I was 30, and growing up, I always felt like this was the place for innovation. This is where NASA was. This is where they invented the Internet. They invented Apple.

This is where oil drillers went to space and blew up an asteroid using nuclear weapons. That actually happened. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. So, for me, like, America was always the place you go when you're the best at science, you know? And do you feel like the politics is kind of getting in the way of that now? And just, like, do people not want to come here?

No, no, that was the hit single.

in that moon. Yeah, yeah. It touched Europa's moon, yeah. But, uh... No, but, dude, like, doctor, what are you trying to tell me? I'm trying to tell you this stuff is still going down. Okay, well, I... It sounds like you're trying to convince me that science is good. I don't disagree. I agree science is good.

I'm just asking in your expert opinion, do you think that the kind of divisive politics we're facing right now is adverse to American innovation and scientific development? I haven't seen. It can be that.

But you haven't seen evidence of it.

You haven't seen anything that bothers you? That's a different question. That is the question I'm asking. Does anything bother you in the last, I don't know, maybe year of presidential elections that makes you think that maybe science is in trouble?

And now that Matt Gaetz has dropped out to try to find the high school from Euphoria, there is a new nominee for Shadiest Nominee, Pete Hegseth, Trump's pick for Secretary of Defense and guy with resting divorce face. And all right, let's hear it, leftist snowflakes. What's wrong with this one?

Right. Doctor, so far, I agree with you that science is good and the Internet is stupid. I'm asking, are you worried about where we're headed in terms of... Because America is always the leader to me. I know that CERN and whatever is happening. But I'm saying America is the leader of science. Are you worried?

Look, that's, yo, that's Buddhism. That's Buddhism. So, give me some Buddhism to dance. I want you for science, okay? You're the science guy. Buddhism is my thing. You're the science guy. You give the science. Okay, well, here's, I guess I'll put him on. Here's what'll happen.

Let me put it this way, because one thing that was always what I'm getting at in this whole questioning is that the innovation in America seems to me driven a lot by immigrants to America. Immigrants invented the phone.

Okay, well, maybe that's not great. No, but I'm just saying, if you have an environment that's kind of saying, hey, country first, let's not have so much immigration that affects science.

Again, we agree. Immigrants are good for science.

You're describing a dark age right now, which I was hoping would not happen, but I guess I gotta turn to Buddhism to get out of that one.

Buddha will claim it. We'll give that one to Buddha. All right. Yeah, but there is this idea that I feel like any time I see you explaining something about science in America right now, it's like people just want to argue, like pull you into this culture war. Yeah. And you know what? To be fair, I guess if you look at history, scientists have always been pulled into politics and the cultural.

But you, as like a kind of front-facing member of the science community trying to educate people, how do you navigate this ?

Yes, you got that.

It was 40 pounds ago, but I'm still feeling it. Okay, well... That's exactly what we need right now. We need Neil deGrasse Tyson to beat some assholes up. Cage match. Yeah. So, like, I guess your advice is to beat the shit out of people. I don't know what, you know, what can the science community... No, you can do it with love.

OK, that's a lot for one person. Alcohol, sex, and financial misconduct? I mean, it's called delegating, bud. Try it sometime. How could someone do so many bad things at the same time? Like, not only are you drinking and harassing women, you've also got to find time to suck at QuickBooks? I mean... Let's go through his charges, because I'm sure the libs are just overreacting.

Yeah, that sounds like every interaction on the internet.

So on a more helpful note, I feel like... Thank you for having a more helpful note. Yeah, I'm trying. So far, it's not been a great outlook for the world right now. But Internet sucks, and we're going to go into a dark age. It's kind of the message of this. I feel like we used to revere scientists a bit more in America. I think what we need from scientists right now is a hit single.

What's the, what's the, give us something. Maybe, I don't know. Give me the equation, something that we can hold on to as a society. You want an equation? I want like a hit single. Come on, give us the, give us the club beat. Give us the commercial something that science is, you know, quantum mechanics, something. Okay.

There's a few out there. Oh, name one person paying attention.

Not on the list at all. OK. That's correct. OK. Our second question is also comes from Twitter. Why can't we drink raw milk? This is from RFK, incoming president of health.

I don't know if this guy's seen any. This guy?

So what's your answer? Can we drink raw milk or not?

Like, with the alcohol. I mean, what? He probably had, what, too much Chardonnay at the office Christmas party, like, one time? How bad could it be?

I feel like we're going from chemistry to Darwinism right now. Well, there's the Darwin Award. You know what the Darwin Award is? I do know what the Darwin Award is. You do? I do know what it is. It's people who drink bleach.

Don't applaud that. Let's applaud that in our heads. For legal reasons, we can't applaud. Okay, I got two more for you. Two more for me, go. Okay, is there a pill that can reverse the effects of the COVID-19 vaccine? This is from nominee for FBI director, Kash Patel.

It might exist. That's not what I said. Yeah, that's kind of what you said. That's kind of what you said, man. Okay, last one. Give me one more here. All right. Also from the internet. Can the government manipulate the weather with Jewish space lasers? This is from anonymous congresswoman. This is more in your realm, astrophysics. This is... What are the physics of Jewish space lasers?

Does the star focus the thing in the prism?

Okay, that's, yo. But the answer is no. The answer is no. No, not a maybe no. Just say that to the, yeah. No. Okay.

All right. Okay, well, look, you can follow, you can get his book. But really, I mean, what a treasure that we have. We're alive around when Dr. Tyson is here to educate us. Hey, Marley's Tour of the Universe is available now.

Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

That's our show for tonight. But before we go, today is Giving Tuesday, so please consider donating to One Simple Wish, a charity that grants wishes to children in foster care. If you can grant a wish or donate towards their holiday wish fund, please do so at the link below.

You're listening to an I Heart Podcast.

Wow. Do you know how hard it is to be the saddest thing at a strip club? I mean, a half-naked pregnant woman dancing to pay her medical bills was looking at him like, damn, this guy needs to get some help. Also, how do you not know that you can't just get on stage at a strip club, okay? They don't even let regulars do that. I'm guessing. I don't know. That's what Wikipedia says.

Look, you guys are laughing, but does no one see the tragedy in this? A warrior forced to fight when really he just wants to get on that stage and dance. But yeah, he seems to have nailed the alcoholism. Let's hear about the sexual misconduct.

Okay, uh, let me just, uh, check this, uh, real quick. Um, all right, yeah, that's not allowed. I don't know what's worse, uh, that he supposedly divided his female staff into party girls and not-party girls, or that he couldn't think of a word for not-party. Uh... He's really a bit of a caveman, isn't he? When the sun in sky, day. When sun go away, not day. Time for party girl.

So Pete was reportedly constantly drunk and trying to sleep with the party girls on staff. But what about the financial mismanagement?

When he joined this veterans charity, did he think that he was the veteran it was going to? I mean, guys, it would really help my mental health to go to this strip club, okay? I have PTSD. Party time suck my d***. So, um... Unlike wraparound shades, none of this is a great look for Pete Hegseth. But you know what? Hey, these are anonymous quotes from a bunch of haters. I'm sure his mom loves him.

The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight. A Trump nominee hits the strip club. Jordan Klepper and I fight about sports. And Neil deGrasse Tyson will explain space to me. But first, let's get into the big international story.

Okay, I'm putting mom down as not a potty girl. For more on this controversy surrounding Pete Hegsa's appointment, let's go to Capitol Hill with Troy Wada.

Yeah, but when he's not passed out, he'll be a big problem. Like, drunk people get mad.

Let's adopt a dog. Okay, okay, aren't you worried that a raging alcoholic will have access to the nuclear codes? No.

Okay, look, this all sounds very irresponsible, Troy, okay? America needs a competent administrator of its military.

Okay, hey, hey, you take that back, okay? I am party girl. I am party girl. Troy Wilder, everybody. Hey, when we come back, we'll fight about sports, so don't go away.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. As we witness the dismantling of American democracy, let's take a moment to focus on what people really care about, sports. For a full recap of the brightest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.

Okay, South Korea, stop giving Trump ideas. Right? He didn't know you could do that. Right? Unfortunately for South Korea, this looks like the beginning of a long and slow descent into dictatorship, a dark period which may last years or even decades.

Didn't you have three roommates kill themselves?

Okay, Jordan, it's a shame you're not handsome because you're very stupid, okay? Reckless fighting should only happen during the game. That's the violence I'm gambling on. If you have the energy to fight after, that means you didn't play hard enough.

Which brings us to our sick boom-bang bet of the night. When will Jordan Klepper finally learn the names of his three children? As always, this bet brought to you by gambling. Gambling. I think your mom has some money in her purse.

Oh, just stop it with this, okay? I live by two rules. One, I do not mix politics and sports. And two, if I'm watching porn and they start speaking Russian, I'm out. The least I can do to support Ukraine.

Who's gonna hate on that? I hate it, okay? We need to keep politics out of sports. Sunday is for drinking eight beers and watching football. Drinking eight beers and watching Rachel Maddow? That's a Monday thing.

Oh, that's great. Good old Asian efficiency. The president went nuts, declared martial law, the assembly overruled him, martial law over, and they did it all in a lunch break. All right. Everybody, get back to doing K-pop. Chop, chop. Dance. But I'm glad this didn't get out of hand because I don't even know what martial law in South Korea looks like.

Gambling. You need something to do alone in your car.

Merry Christmas, Jordan.

Okay, it's called Asian Christmas.

Wrong again, Hepatitis Gumby, okay? We need more football players in movies. I mean, just imagine Gronk in 12 Years a Slave, okay? Never too soon for a reboot.

Which brings us to my badass bingo bomb bet of the evening. Which elderly lesbian could kick Jordan Klepper's ass? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. Savings accounts are for pussies.

What do you got for the rest of the week, Ron? Well, John, we'll be covering the bankruptcy of 23andMe. It's a sad day for all the people who want to learn their family history, but a great day for all the secret fathers who wanted to keep that history quiet. And, of course, smart people like myself don't just give out our genetic information. I keep mine safe and secure.

Okay, that was a small mistake, but otherwise, my OPSEC is totally clean here. I'm glad to hear it.

What do you got for the rest of the week, my friend? John, before we lean into the Trump years, I'm gonna spend this week fondly remembering the incredible four years America had under Joe Biden, a president of faith, compassion, and courage.

Oh, I see. I see. Well, then I'll be spending this week talking about the Biden crime family and how only President Trump has the courage to take them down. Thank you so much. Ronny Chieng, everybody. Great break. Here it is.

Thanks, John. I'm hosting a daily show this week, and I have no idea what the hell Jordan Klepper is doing here.

Oh, a new special. Oh, let me guess. It's called something like MAGA The Next Generation.

Oh, yeah. And I bet you're talking to, like, young Trump voters about the future of America or whatever again.

Yeah, and I bet it airs on Comedy Central and then it streams on Paramount+, and then it, like, goes up on YouTube at midnight.

Because I love and respect your work. I just use sarcasm to shield my real emotions. Duh.

Oh, sounds like a nightmare. Thank you so much for your friendship. I'll see you there. That was really beautiful, guys.

Ryan Chang, enjoy the clip, everybody.

Here it is.

Your moment is now.

Special.

Try being in boarding zone five. Come on, people. We can't just keep fighting each other on airplanes. We have to come together and unite so we can fight other species.

With all this money Congress is sending overseas, you might be wondering, hey, when does Ronnie get a little taste of this, hmm? Yeah, when's the government gonna do a little something for me, hmm?

Okay, cash refunds. Yeah, that's something. Yeah, yeah. I'm always having airplane delays. Yeah, that is pretty good. I mean, but, you know, delays is only a small part of the problem. I mean, what if, you know, when, like, airlines make you change airports or they add connections and they're always just trying to screw you over.

I'm cautiously optimistic. It's good. It got my attention. It is pretty good. In fact, it feels a little too good to be true. But hey, I guess all I have to worry about now is losing my luggage and shitty Wi-Fi.

This is the greatest thing the government has ever done in history.

No, in history. In history. Jordan, the man is refunding you for Wi-Fi in the sky. That doesn't work. What more could you want?

Why are we fighting desert animals in the sky? Okay, look, if a bird picks a fight with me, okay, maybe, right? But a scorpion, no, I'm not mentally prepared for that. And the worst part is when a scorpion stings me, I won't have the antidote because it's more than three ounces. Yeah. Right, so now I'm dead, like this rabbit.

Yeah, okay, we'll get into that. But thank you, Joe Biden. Thank you for making my life better. Now just bring back Roe v. Wade so I don't have to sit next to a crying baby on a red eye.

Thanks a lot, United. You killed the Yao Ming of rabbits. Seriously, this is a professionally big rabbit.

First of all, hey, airlines, stop overbooking flights, okay? Yeah. This is what you do, okay? You count the seats on your plane, and then you sell that number of tickets. That's it. Sorry, is that too difficult to understand? Okay, second thing, we don't need 20 websites searching each other for cheapest flights, okay? Just have one website, call it the cheapest flights. That's it.

We go there, we get the cheapest flights. And if there's a delay, they should pay us. Okay, that's how it works. And if we crash in the ocean, yeah. And if we crash in the ocean, we need knives under our seats. Otherwise, we're just sitting there like chicken McNuggets for sharks.

Great, Congress is in charge of airlines. Next time I go home, I'm driving. Thanks, Ronnie. Ronnie Chang, everybody. We'll be right back.

Thanks, Trevor. Look, flying sucks, right? It's always sucked, but back in the day, we just couldn't record how much it sucked. Now with camera phones, we can relive those terrible moments forever.

No, dude, you're crazy, all right? Who fights in a Hawaiian shirt? He's like the angriest guy at the luau. Why is there no umbrella in my pina colada? And what is this? Is this a new pre-flight routine? Here's your seatbelt, here are the exits. All right, now let's keep them off the belt, everybody. All right, well, it's still a good, clean fight. You think Detroit is tough?

But they just can't help themselves, because whenever they're in trouble, their default response is to punch their way out of it, which only makes things worse. So now, we're still talking about this three days later, instead of what I wanted to cover tonight, which was 23 and me going bankrupt, and what they're gonna do with all your DNA. One word, face off.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a legendary comedian and actor whose new film is called The Penguin Lessons. Please welcome the one and only, legendary Mr. Steve Coogan.

No, we reserve it for legends. You're a legend. It's so great to finally meet you. I've been following you for a long time. Huge fan of yours. You make me feel old, but keep going. Yeah, I mean, because I kind of, we kind of, you started in live performing. Yeah. And I also started in live performing. I know. And we both went to Edinburgh. You went to Edinburgh in 1990.

You did a show with Mr. Frank Skinner. And then you went back in 1992. You did a show with Mr. John Thompson. And a second, at the same time, you're doing a show with Richard Herring. And was it Armando Annucci? Armando Annucci, Patrick Marlborough. Stuart Lee was on that. Stuart Lee, yeah. And then you won the Perrier, which is the best show at Edinburgh for the show with John Thompson.

Okay, that's two words with a slash, and we can't decide that. Look, it doesn't matter, all right? The point is, they're gonna put your face on someone else, and the White House wants to move on. They've got to come clean and stop stepping on their own dicks, okay? So let's start with something easy. For National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, how did the reporter get invited into the group chat?

And I went to Edinburgh, and I won nothing, and I hated it. Yeah.

Yeah, but I guess, yeah, no, Edinburgh. I say all of that to be like, first of all, I've been to Edinburgh. It's the biggest live performing festival. But I guess you being a household name, comedy legend, very established in the UK, but you still stick with live performing. Never let that go. And I guess I'm wondering for myself, like, you know, I like to think I'd be able to do it too, but.

As a live performer, you use it to stay connected to the crowd. Is there any element of it where you feel like just as career diversification, and just from a pure money point of view, in terms of like, oh, that stuff, people can take away from you. TV, film, but live performing, it's always... It's true.

And you do, like, I mean, you kept, again, you got... I don't know if I should tell people this. You have, like, all the money in the world. You don't need to do anything anymore.

You're close. You're second. Yeah, and you still got... And, I mean, you did... Not only do you do the Alan Partridge live show, you did, like, Dr. Strangelove recently.

Yeah, but... Again...

Right. And I guess that goes back to what I was saying about you being this legendary comedic figure in the UK, Alan Partridge. And you've done it for so long now. I mean, do you do stuff to just kick yourself in the ass? Because you've managed to reinvent this character you've been doing for, I guess, what, 30 years now?

I don't even know. I'm like Y, and then they call me millennial, and I resent that, but I don't know.

So just to set it up.

Not as in danger as you think right now. They're doing pretty well right now. They're having a resurgence. That's true, actually. They were in danger for a while and we accidentally brought them back. I know. I'm sorry about that. But the point is that Alan Partridge is a... I like to call you mom famous in the UK. Everybody, you know, moms know you.

Do you know how famous you have to be to be mom famous? It is true. It's very difficult. And so you're that level in the UK. And so, like, is that, like, why you... I'm kind of part...

Your institution.

But, yeah. But, I mean, that also is relevant for me, too, because I really had to ask myself this. Not only coming to America, but staying here in American show business. Why... Do you come to America? Why are you in America?

Yes, that's right.

We are... applauding the president right now. OK, God bless America. Yeah, and you, so you do come to America to kind of get your ass kicked a bit and challenge yourself.

You were in everything. You did Around the World in 80 Days with Jackie Chan. You did, oh my God, you're putting me on the spot. You were in Tropic Thunder.

But so you did a bunch, I mean, you talk about this a lot in America, about how you were doing, you were kind of doing Alan Partridge, Household Name, and then you came to America, and you were doing kind of, not bit roles in American movies, but kind of smaller profile roles.

And so I guess by asking for myself here is like, it seems like you, because I'm trying to build that. That's kind of what, that's kind of where I'm going myself. I'm like, you know, I'm doing 20 on the call sheet. Grateful to do the role, have fun. But you talk about doing these roles in America, finding them a little bit unsatisfying and that's what inspired you to write to do a film, you know.

No. No one's ever had that, all right? People don't have a contact with a phone number for like a different person, unless they're having an affair. I guess I'm saying, I think this guy is having an affair with Jeffrey Goldberg. And look, even if that was an actual somewhat relatable mistake, maybe try not making that mistake when you're planning a war.

But is that the strategy? I mean, would you say you need to do these kind of small roles in America to build enough political capital to do...

No, but you definitely play the yin-yang almost better than anyone I've ever seen, because you've got the comedy bona fides, like, legend comedy characters. And then you do dramatic roles, not just Philomena, but you do, like, Jimmy Savile, you know, which is one of probably the most disgusting people. I play the sex offender.

Yeah, so you managed to do Ying Yang. Just, I don't, anyway, just, you know, hats off to you. And every project you do, you know, you were talking about it with the other legend, Irish legend Tommy Tiernan on his show. You said you're looking for projects that are funny but have heart in it. Yeah. And I feel like you've definitely been going that way.

I mean, you did this movie in 2019 called Greed, which was about a fashion mogul. And kind of, there were political overtones in that about kind of the wage gap and...

I've been approaching this all wrong. Yeah, but you, so, I mean, just going back to the politics. So my point is that you kind of try to do things that have, not just be funny, but have a message.

I have to expertly pivot to what you're promoting or your publicist is going to kill me. No, but really, I mean, I did have a plan, and this is where I wanted to get with all this, is that you talk about political activism. So your latest movie is Penguin Lessons. Like, what is it about? And do you mind just saying what you think the political message is?

Wait, hang on, I have to... I had to quickly do a calculation to see if our parent company was Disney, but it's not. It's Paramount. We're fine. I think I did a show with... Anyway. They don't watch YouTube. So, yeah. This is kind of just for me now. Because did you... When you...

Because there's one scene where you throw the penguin back into the ocean.

You've got to say that for legal reasons.

Okay, yeah, so not a real penguin.

And so, yeah, we sort of mixed the two together, and I just... Yeah, and when you're doing these scenes, I was watching it, and it's like, it's... It's comedic. It's not... I won't say you did... You're obviously not doing a sketch when you're in this movie. So is it difficult to kind of, like, dial it to where it's... You know what I mean? Where you're not doing a sketch.

And why are you shitting on Jeffrey Goldberg? He's a loser, this guy sucks, he's dishonest. He didn't do anything. All he did was wake up in the morning and you added him to your group chat. You like abducted him and forced him to see your secrets. But okay, the bigger issue is what was shared in the group chat.

Jeffrey Goldberg says there were war plans that were so sensitive, he didn't even put them in his article. But Pete Hegseth spent the last two days saying he's lying. Nobody. was texting war plans.

Nobody's texting war plans. Okay, great. Couldn't be more clear. Nobody was texting war plans. You hear me? Nobody was texting war plans.

Okay, look, just because you write in all caps, this is when the first bombs will definitely drop, doesn't mean there are war plans. Okay? This is Pete Hegseth. Maybe he was talking about Jaeger bombs.

If you ask me, that looks a lot like a plan for the war. It had military time and everything, okay? It had more details than you get from DoorDash. And those guys tell you everything, all right? 8.56, we have received your order. 8.59, we are preparing your food. 9.06, we accidentally dropped your food. 9.07, actually, don't worry about it. We're on our way.

So I think it's a war plan, but what the hell do I know? I've never seen one before because no one's ever been dumb enough to put one in a group chat with a journalist. But maybe... Maybe it's a... Maybe this is a good thing, okay? The receipts are out, so we can call a spade a spade and admit that these are indeed very specific war plans.

Oh, man, Janine must be a nightmare to make plans with. Hey, you said meet at Chili's at 7, but where's the f***ing longitude? Like, stop pretending you need some arbitrary detail to make it a war plan, okay? It's like saying, this wasn't an orgy. We didn't have the pink feathers and the eyes wide shut mask. Well, they're more than three dicks. Then it was an orgy, okay?

Everything else is semantics. You know what? You tell me. If having a detailed schedule plan of attack is not a war plan, then what is it? Do you think these are war plans?

Whoa. What is war, man? It's just raw spelled backwards. I think it was Shakespeare that said, what is in a plan? That which we call a war by any other name would accidentally get texted to Jeffrey Goldberg. For more on this stupid argument, we go live to the Pentagon with senior war correspondent Michael Kosta.

Hey, am I crazy or are these very clearly war plans?

Hello! Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into the controversy that's still rocking Trump's cabinet in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers. None of that was AI.

Okay, then, why don't you enlighten me with your military genius? If that's not war planning, then what is it?

Holy shit, is that a war plan for Canada?

Of a war plan. Look, it has, like, arrows and airplanes and, like, weapons and those little crosshairs and there's times that... It's clearly a plan to invade Canada.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. America has a ton of problems right now, and no one knows who can solve them. But Chris DiStefano will give it a try in our new segment, Can Chris Solve It?

By now, we all know that Donald Trump's meritocracy brain geniuses planned an attack on Yemen in a signal group chat and accidentally invited a journalist, Jeffrey Goldberg. And this story might have ended on day one if the administration had just owned it and made some bullshit statement like, sorry, we're taking accountability, hashtag listening and learning, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Trump's promise in 2016 to bring back manufacturing jobs was a major appeal in the upper Midwest. And in Trump's first year in office, the artist of deals delivered them a masterpiece. Foxconn will invest in southeast Wisconsin.

That's right, Foxconn, the Taiwan-based company that's good at making iPhones and great at making their employees jump off buildings. The Foxconn deal in Mount Pleasant was as golden as the shovels Trump brought to the groundbreaking. I think we can say this is, we can say, the eighth wonder of the world.

So to learn more about this eighth wonder of the world, I spoke with Alan Young, the business genius responsible for bringing Foxconn to WizConn. Sing. Love business. Love big business. I love great businessmen. You brought manufacturing. to Mount Pleasant. What do you love most about Wisconsin, the cheese or the high rate of alcoholism?

All right, high-tech job creation. Local country bumpkin Kelly Gallagher. Must be ecstatic.

Look, lady, I came here to do a feel-good puff piece about foreign corporations creating jobs for farmers or whatever, okay? Are you telling me that's not happening?

Well, you can't fault... Foxconn for putting money into this town and trying to make something happen.

So a bunch of village idiots borrowed a billion dollars to get Foxconn to come in. Foxconn comes in and goes, hey, we can give you guys civilization, take you out of the farms.

What was Foxconn promising to build?

Amazing. I love those.

I love those too. I love all screens.

Okay, but you know what? Who doesn't like coffee?

Okay.

Of course not. I'm not a dumb farmer.

Fine, I will. This simple villager wasn't making any sense. Alan and Foxconn assured the residents of Mount Pleasant that it would be bringing a state-of-the-art tech hub to its barren farmland. But instead, all Foxconn built was a bunch of roads to nowhere. What the hell? Two empty warehouses and a lame disco ball in the middle of an empty field? Hell, I needed answers.

Where the hell is everybody? I was told there was 13,000 jobs. Yeah. Sorry, sir. Just wondering, where are the jobs at? The jobs, there's 13,000 jobs. This can't be right. And even if there aren't any jobs or products or transparency, surely Foxconn has a plan.

Potato chips or microchips, who cares? Just make something. That's what people want, for Foxconn to make something in this factory. It takes a village. It takes a village to build a factory that makes nothing. You got me there. Alan did a great job at showing the very thin line between genius business plan and scam. Okay, I think I see why you're so upset. You got catfished.

You know what catfishing is.

But why did they do this? If it's so bad for everybody, why did this happen?

In true Trump fashion, he made a promise, never delivered, and left someone else holding the bag. Was there any way to turn this development disaster around?

Okay, 2,000 is quite a step down from 13,000.

What are you even making there?

Wait, but that, if it's an AI center, it's going to take jobs. They're going to replace workers. You're going to end up with less jobs than before.

Actually, no. Because no jobs will be zero. This will be negative jobs because you'll be taking other people's jobs.

Goddamn villages, there's jobs, man. Have you guys thought about anything else here? In business, not everything turns out the way you want it to. But hey, with a little ingenuity and some American can-do spirit, you too could turn 13,000 jobs into 2,000 and put your whole village into debt. Great job.

Thank you, Triumph. When we come back, Khalid Khalid will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show.

My guest tonight is a legendary hip-hop artist whose latest album is a collaboration with J. Rawls called The Confidence of Knowing. Please welcome the one and only, Brooklyn's own Talib Kweli!

Brooklyn, Brooklyn.

Yeah, man, I'm the people, man.

This is my city. Thanks so much. Yeah. Thanks for coming on the show, man. You just came out from Australia.

Yeah. No, that makes sense. I saw a video of Questlove DJing in a pub in Australia, and I was like, what's he doing there? And you guys were on tour doing music. We were.

Yeah, I used to live in, I lived in Australia for like 10 years. How was it for you?

How so?

Appreciate that. I'm a huge fan. I'm a real... I'm like playing it cool right now, but I'm like a huge fan of yours and I've been like following your music. I'm a fan of yours. No, no, that's very, yeah, I don't, that's very kind. I feel so embarrassed that you even said that in front of people.

But one thing I love, like I, you know, I listen to albums and you, you know, I think you've been in this game for like 30 years now. I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like most of it you've been kind of like almost pushing it indie style. Yeah, most of it, yeah. For most of it.

And I feel like your last few albums, not this one, the latest one, Confidence of Knowing, is available on Apple and Spotify. That's right. But your last two, including Blackstar 2, and your album before that, your solo album before that, like, you released it on, like, one was on Patreon, one was on Luminary.

I was like, as a fan of yours, I knew you released it, but I would have to go and digitally chase all your albums. It wasn't like I could just press a button and listen to it. And it reminded me of back in the day, actually having to chase music down. And it, I mean, quite frankly, it made me appreciate it even more when I did find it, because it made it kind of difficult to get, in a way.

Is there a reason?

And, you know, it's a mix, right? A mix of it. Some of it is that people, the music on streaming is so convenient. And so they use that. And the other part is people don't know. People don't know. They think that listening on Spotify or Apple Music is like helping you, you know?

New executive order. We are banning church. Hey, Bishop, please, all right? We don't go to church to hear a lecture about having mercy on the less fortunate. That's not what church is for. And Trump was like, I only came here because I heard there were free crackers, and now I'm getting roasted by Tig Notaro?

Right. So you're saying your antidote to that is to, like, stop, like, get off the streaming services?

Right, as a consumer, as a fan, as a fan of the person. So, like, I mean, you've been in this game for, like, 30 years now.

OK, sure. Yeah, come on The Daily Show.

Yeah, well, yeah, no, for sure. I mean, I think there's art that you produce, and then there's commercial stuff. And they both have their benefits. Yes. You know, I think what really made me a fan of you was that you kind of, I think you and Mos Def were the first guys to kind of show me hip hop as an art form. and not just a consumable thing to dance at at a nightclub.

Shout out to Mos Defy's new album with Alchemist. Oh, yeah. Well, no, don't shout him out. This is you. This is you right now. But I guess because you've been here for 30 years now and you've seen what it was like 30 years ago, you've seen what it's like now, so where do you think the future of the music industry is going? I mean, because it doesn't sound good from what you're saying.

Right. But I guess I was asking, if you're a musician right now and you're just getting started, what would you recommend to them?

He was probably looking up at Jesus on the cross and thinking, hey, you and me both, brother. To be fair, I mean, can you imagine going to church and the pastor is only addressing you? Like, this next sermon is about the sinners, the cheaters, the degenerate gamblers, Gary. The point is, no one has ever had a worse time in church than Trump did. And yes, I've seen spotlight.

Okay. Okay. Okay, right. Well, let's go. Yeah. Yes. Well... You know, you've been in the game a long time. You're also such a prominent activist for your community politically. Like, I hate to ask you. Oh, let's go, Ronnie.

I hate to ask you as a black man, but as a black man, can you explain where this appeal for Trump is coming from or where it's going, you think?

This is the radical left libtards, you know what I'm saying?

Sure. Sure. All right. Sure. Well... You know, thank you. I just want to say thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for your art.

Thank you for making the world a better place. Your music got me through some bad days, and it also was a soundtrack for some of my better days.

So thanks so much for making it, and I hope you keep making music. Thanks so much, everybody.

The Confidence of Knowing is available now. Khalid Khali, everybody. We're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight.

Now, please consider supporting the California Fire Foundation. They're on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents in Los Angeles. If you can, please donate at the link below. Now, here it is, your moment of zen.

And you could tell that he had a bad time because of the way he came out of the church super bitchy.

President, what did you think of the sermon?

Yeah. Does that excite you? Did you like that? Watching your president get lectured to by Bishop Rachel Maddow? Get your little liberal d*** card, you sick f***. And is this how we do presidential press conferences now? This is like TMZ at the Departures Hall at LAX. It's like, hey, Mr. President, hey! Mr. President, what do you think about Blake Lively and Justin Baldone?

But after getting yelled at by this church Karen, Trump was also getting yelled at by everyone just because he released hundreds of violent insurrectionists back into the streets or something. And yeah, okay, they beat some cops and broke some windows, but they were doing it for him. No one seems to understand that, and the media won't shut up with these unfair gotcha questions.

We'll take a look at everything. Shouldn't you look at it before you issue the pardon? It's like step one, release the prisoners. Step two, look into which prisoners we should release. nailed it. So part one of his answer about this whole Gen 6 thing is we'll take a look, which is Trump speak for we will never look at this again. But if that doesn't satisfy you, he has another reason.

See, some murderers aren't in jail, therefore nobody should be in jail, okay? Also think big picture here. If he lets these violent criminals go, there's a chance they'll kill the other violent criminals and then they'll just cancel each other out. And to be fair to Trump, he has been campaigning on releasing the Gen 6 prisoners for years now.

Everyone just assumed he didn't mean the violent ones, which would mean going through all the cases one by one, but that's not really Trump's style.

The case-by-case review was onerous. Trump's staffers wondered whom to pardon and who might slip through the cracks. Time was running out heading into Inauguration Day. As Trump's team wrestled with the issue, Trump just said, F it. Release them all.

Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Ronnie Chang.

I have never related to Trump more. All right. This PDF is 400 pages? Okay, it. All crime is legal. And look, you can't expect someone to go through all these cases one by one. I mean, the FBI did, and the prosecutors did, and the judges did, and the juries, and the paralegals, and the person who types on that weird little typewriter no one else knows how to use. But Trump is busy, okay?

We got so much to talk about tonight. The Proud Boys are back in town. Donald Trump faces off against Jesus. And we sent Triumph to sniff the buttholes of the resistance. So let's get into another edition of the second coming of Donald J. Trump. It's only day two of Trump's presidency and already everyone is mad at him. I mean, guys, can you give him a minute? Let him sit down.

It's much easier to just click select or delete. So in the very first seven hours of the Trump administration, we already have our first big controversy, which of course leads to the classic ritual of a Trump presidency. He does something crazy, then Republicans get asked about it, and they're like, what? I didn't see it.

We're talking about people that were beating officers with fire hydrants, with metal batons. Is that acceptable to you? Those people were pardoned.

It's on video.

Yo, no spoilers. Tommy Tuberville didn't watch Jan 6 yet, okay? He'll get to it, but there's just so much to watch these days. You know, he's still got 9-11 and Benghazi on his DVR. I mean, you were a senator on Jan 6. Like, what do you mean you didn't see the insurrection? You lived it. This is like a Titanic survivor saying, I haven't seen the movie. Don't tell me what happens.

So, to sum up day one of Trump's presidency, church is bad, beating cops is good. So I guess he's a Democrat now. For more on the Republican reaction, we turn to Troy Iwata, everybody. Troy. Troy. All these Republicans are pretending they haven't seen footage of January 6th. I mean, shouldn't they be embarrassed?

Okay, I've never heard of that. But what about the rest of them? Does Senator Tuberville also have this face blindness?

Okay, so he's not just dumb.

I have a metal straw that I'll remember to use someday. But anyway, Troy, come on. They can't all have medical issues with seeing Jan 6 footage.

Do you think that's funny, Ronnie? I guess I need to be more sensitive to Republicans going forward.

I guess I should be also more respectful of people who can't watch Jan 6 footage the way you and I have.

Troy Watt, everybody. When we come back... We're checking on Trump's opposition, so don't go away. You can't see it?

Welcome back to The Daily Show. Donald Trump's inauguration wasn't the only event in D.C. this week. There was also the People's March to oppose him. We sent our most dogged reporter to check it out.

It started in the morning when Trump went to the traditional post-inauguration church service, which is not exactly his preferred way to start the day. It's never fun for him to be a guest at someone else's rally. And to make matters worse, the preacher was kind of preachy.

Paramount Podcasts.

Okay, okay.

There are thousands of people here. They started screaming and chanting, daddy's home and daddy dog.

Your entire life, you have stood for doing things that other people thought they couldn't do.

Oh, no. Are we the Drake in this beef? Are we the certified peasants?

Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.

From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Ronnie Tan.

Ronnie, last night's spectacle,

Oh, oh, yeah, sure, a new low. Oh, my God, it was so crazy. People were holding up signs. An old guy, like, yelled something. Last night was nothing, Costa. That shit was more boring than White Lotus.

Okay, let me give you some international perspective, okay? Watch what happened in Serbia's parliament yesterday, right? Look at this. There's smoke bombs, okay? This looks like Philadelphia after a Super Bowl or any day. Do you know how many smoke bombs you have to set off to overpower cigarette smoke in Serbia? That is an abandonment of decorum, okay?

Especially in Serbia, a country where 80% of the men work as bouncers, okay? How about Taiwan, okay? Longtime democracy, polite Asian country. Look at their parliament last month. Here they are politely barricading each other with chairs in a complete disregard for feng shui. It's like Taiwan...

It's like, hey, Taiwan Parliament, how about you stop fighting and come over and help me move my apartment, all right? I only have three chairs. It would take no time. All right, you know, I get your point. All right, well, too bad, because I'm not done, okay? Look at Italy, okay? Look at this. I don't even know why they're fighting. It's probably because someone voted to add pineapple on pizza.

I don't know. And look, how about the country of Georgia, all right? It's normal, normal. Oh, don't put your face! Someone got punched in the face. That guy just really snuck up on you coming in from the front like that in a well-lit room.

No, I'm saying I'm saying we should also be doing that. All right. Yeah. Yeah. America, if you're going to get rowdy, don't half-ass it with like a little whiteboard, okay? Congress should have looked like Walmart on Black Friday or Philadelphia on any day. But Ronnie, if we do that, Congress won't get anything done. They already don't get anything done. You might as well start a Royal Rumble.

Which reminds me, I better get out of here, okay? Estonia has an agricultural committee meeting on pay-per-view.

When we come back, Tom Colicchio will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an eight-time James Beard award-winning chef, restauranteur, and head judge on Bravo's hit series Top Chef. He's the author of a new cookbook memoir called Why I Cook. Please welcome the great Tom Colicchio. One of the most respected chefs in America.

Thanks for coming on the show. Great to meet you. Likewise. Great person as well. Your book, cookbook and memoir, you've managed to trick us into reading about your story. You kind of hide it in between these recipes here. It's well written. I encourage everyone to go read it. For a chef, the stereotype is everyone's very angry, but you write this with so much love. What is the real you?

A cushy job on Fox News, a side hustle selling macho garbage on right-wing Instagram, a loving third family, and then... Trump comes along and offers him a job, and now his life is kind of up. I mean, who could have seen that coming other than Matt Gaetz, Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani, Michael Cohen, and everyone else Trump has ever come into contact with? Hey, anyone heard from Herman Cain lately?

Is it this guy? It's this guy. This is it. Yeah, that's it. Because I know this is kind of like a hacky question, but I just got to ask it because you also bring up in the memoir, when you are up and coming, you're being trained by these legendary chefs. The training in the kitchen was pretty hardcore. And... Yeah, it was. People were yelling at you.

Right, but even in America, you were training in America. Oh, yeah, sure. Same thing, the American chefs. Same thing, though.

Yeah, fuck is fuck. It doesn't matter. Exactly, yeah. Because I feel like, I don't know enough about cooking at all, but with comedy, I feel like there is a certain amount of toxicity that you need to endure to get good at this, you know? And so do you feel the same way with cooking, you know? I guess, what would you say to all these woke sissies who are...

complaining about being mistreated in the kitchen. Like, really, are you like, hey, like, tough enough? Or are you like, hey, something's... Not anymore. Not anymore?

Right. But I guess the question, again, to you is, like, is it good that it's going away, or do you feel like something's missing in the transfer of knowledge?

So to interrupt you, actually, I spoke to a military guy about this. As an Asian person who grew up in Singapore, Malaysia, I've been yelled at my whole life to where learning was being yelled at. And I asked the military guys about this. And the U.S., I mean, small sample size, but one of the U.S. military guys said that when you're yelling, you've already lost control. You lost them, exactly.

You lost control. Meaning you shouldn't be in that situation in the first place.

Okay. Okay. No, I'm genuinely interested in this because you're... arguably the most respected chef in America. If you're saying that, hey, we don't need to be yelling in kitchens, then I guess everything that's happening in the bear is completely unnecessary, because those guys... Yo, watch how he's going. What are you guys doing?

Oh, okay. Well, I mean, that's something I can't speak to. You speak to the kitchen stuff.

Okay, well, I'm not going to. A little slower. Yeah, I love and watch the band. Not me. It's the critics that say that. Well, it's not me. I'm still available for guest appearances on the band. Okay. Yeah, and again.

No, you see, you don't yell at it anymore. You just say that they suck quietly. Very quietly. That's what you're doing now. You're not in the kitchen going, you suck. You're on The Daily Show going, you suck. I moved to New York City when I was 30 years old from Australia. I was living in Australia at the time.

When I moved here, I was just kind of what struck me about the food in America was that it tasted like shit. Yeah. Like, is that a reason for that? Well, where were you going? I was eating out of toilets most... No, I was like... No, I mean, like, in general, I do feel like there's something in the American psyche that, like, where for most people, the junk food is the norm. Right, right.

He's dead. Google it. And maybe one of the reasons why Pete Hegseth can't seem to extinguish this dumpster fire of his nomination is because more people keep throwing garbage into the dumpster.

Their idea of nutrition is very skewed and the produce is weird. So I don't know if you... Am I being a stuck-up asshole? Is that something, too?

So is there a way to overcome that kind of financial access to nutrition? Yeah. No, no, no.

Okay. So we do eat like shit and there's no way to change this in the near future.

You were eating a corporate... I was eating food by the pound at a bodega. I was amazed that Americans eat... When I came here, I was like, oh, New Yorkers are Americans. A lot of chopped cheese for you, huh? Right, and I was like, you know these guys eat food by the pound. They measure it by the pound. No respect for how they cook it. They just dump it up.

No, I agree. I mean, obviously, I've been more educated in American food now. And like I said, but I guess the thing is, I'm on TV. I can go to a restaurant. Well, that's what I'm saying.

I don't know enough about this, and that's why I wanted to ask you about it. From what you're saying, it sounds like the only way people who are less financially successful can eat well is they have to make choices in their life to go, hey, I'm going to buy less iPads, and I'm going to eat. I don't know what the answer is.

Right, right.

Oh, now we have no education. Exactly. It doesn't matter. So nothing matters anyway, I guess. Everyone's going to be dumb and unhealthy. Exactly. How long do you think? Four years? You have about four years before... I mean, you touched upon this just now, but like, is there any, you know, like Eleven Madison, one of the most famous restaurants in the world, and your friend.

Vegan restaurant, yeah. Yeah, it became vegan. And I think they're not just vegan, but they also push sustainability in food and restaurants and commercially. So, I mean, where do you think the future of sustainability, you know, of food in America is going? Do you think it's trending in a good place? Are we in a...

So, yeah, that's bad.

Okay, yeah. I mean, cool. But that's... That guy's not doing it in America, right? He's doing it in... Where is he doing it? No, he's doing it in America. Oh, he's doing it in America? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is he doing it? I want to go to his school. I believe he started in Connecticut, but he's branching out. Okay, free lunch in Connecticut. I got to head down there. I got to enroll there.

Before you judge, yes, his show starts at 6 in the morning. LAUGHTER But he was still drinking from the night before, okay? So it's not sad. It's awesome. I will say it's weird that we're arguing about the drinking, because even if he was stone-cold sober, he's a TV host who ran two veterans' organizations into the ground. He's not qualified to run the Pentagon anyway, okay?

But, Chef, listen, I really appreciate you coming on the show. You're an American legend. Thanks for trying to help everyone eat properly. I'm sorry no one's listening to you. Thank you. I wish we could all eat better. It's all gonna change after tonight. Oh, yeah, thank you for all that you do. Hey, everybody, Why I Cook is available now. Chef Tom Colicchio, everybody.

We're gonna take a quick break. I'll be right back after this. Hey, that's our show for tonight. Now, here it is, your moment of zen.

This is like saying, hey, yo, this cat can't be pilot. He has a drinking problem. Okay, maybe this cat can be your pilot. It's very cute. But you know what? This might be for the best. The first step to sobriety is your coworkers admitting that you have a problem.

And look, we don't have any hard evidence that Pete Hegseth was drinking before work, but if you watched his show very carefully, you might have picked up some subtle clues that he liked to knock them back. I've always wanted to do this. Oh, look at that color.

Again, this show airs at 6 a.m., but as Pete Hegseth always says, hey, it's 11 a.m. somewhere. So, Hegseth is losing the president, he's losing the senators, he's losing his coworkers. I mean, does he have anyone left on his side?

What kind of parent-teacher conference are we watching right now? Because the future Secretary of Defense needs his mom to come out and defend him? I thought you were against women in combat roles. And besides, I never saw Donald Rumsfeld be like, hey, I have a warning for the Taliban. Mom, you tell them.

Now, the reason Pete's mom is part of the story is because a few years ago, during his second divorce, his mom sent him an email where she called him, her own son, a habitual cheater, liar, and abuser of women. But now she's saying, eh, don't worry about it.

And by the way, seven years ago wasn't ancient history, OK? We still have the same Spider-Man. Overall, things don't look good for Pete Hegseth. But the good news is he has the perfect solution. Because then you have a little bit more champagne, and then your problem goes away. Okay, but thank Buddha. Let's move on to a story that doesn't involve Trump right now.

welcome to the daily show i'm ronnie chang we got so much to talk about tonight south korean sample martial law and say no thanks lewis black tells you how to survive the next four years and pete hegseth is on day three of his news bender so let's get into another edition of trump 2.0 coming for the white house i'm gonna come

Yesterday, out of nowhere, the incredibly unpopular president of South Korea declared martial law. And then a few hours later, after everyone got mad, he was like, hey, you know what? Forget it. That was a stupid idea. How about that Rosé song? How about that? How about that? How about that? How about that?

To me, the craziest thing about this whole episode is what happened in South Korea during the few hours of martial law.

Holy shit, she knows that's a gun, right? She's She's grabbing it like it's a thing that doesn't shoot bullets. She's like, is this a vacuum cleaner? What's this button do? I want to see it. This wasn't the only time a protester showed up to the military in South Korea. Check out this dude when a soldier tries to take his phone. I know everyone thinks all Asians know martial arts.

And let me be clear, stereotypes are harmful. But did you see that shit? That dude single-handedly Aikido'd the soldier into surrendering. I mean, that uncle is either really protective of democracy or very concerned about what people are going to see on his phone. By the way, Trump, if you're paying attention, can we get that guy as Secretary of Defense? I mean, his defense is incredible.

Josh, Josh, what's going on over there?

Because I'm the host? No. Because I'm more well-read than you?

Joss, I don't expect you to just know what's going on there. We sent you there to do a report, okay? So just do your job and ask around. And what do you think I'm doing? I found an Asian person and I'm asking around right now. That's racist, dude. All right. You're black. So what? I'm supposed to ask you about what's going on in Zimbabwe? Oh, Zimbabwe going through it, Ronnie.

Okay, well, that's a lucky guess, okay? Economies collapsing in Africa, that's all of them. That's racist. No, you're racist. Yes. Look, just give me your best analysis of what's going on in Korea right now.

Josh, that's North Korea, okay? You're in South Korea. It's a different country.

Donald Trump is still constructing his next administration, but he seems to be doing it the same way that that billionaire built that Titanic submarine, because it's imploding immediately.

God damn it, forget it. Josh Johnson, everybody. When we come back, Louis Black will help you deal with the election, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. When a news story falls through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black.

Wow, this would be very sobering news for Pete Hegseth if he wasn't shit-faced right now. I mean... If HEGSF doesn't get confirmed, this is really going to make people question Trump's strategy of giving the most unemployable people on Earth the hardest jobs that ever existed. And honestly, I kind of feel bad for this guy. I mean, he had it made.

I refuse to believe you can't get a decent slice of pizza in this city, all right? This is the birthplace of Lincoln, Obama, Michael Jordan. None of those people were born here. This is what people in Chicago call pizza? Where can I find a decent slice in the city instead of this stupid bull ? I couldn't find a single place that sold real pizza. Just these deep dish dough dumpsters.

This isn't pizza. This isn't even human food. After hours of only deep dish, I finally found a place that served delicious, normal pizza pie. The Cook County Jail. That's right, the best pizza in Chicago is in the biggest jail in America. This gourmet pizza is actually made by and sold to inmates as part of a training program called Recipe for Change.

Thomas Dart is the sheriff of Cook County Jail. He's been running the pizza program for four years.

They haven't been asking for it. Recipe for Change is one of several rehab programs at the Cook County Jail, along with drumming, painting, chess, gardening, and more. So what made you become a hero sheriff and not a Joe Arpaio sheriff?

The man giving them that skill? Local restaurateur Chef Bruno Abate, who volunteers his time and expertise to teach inmates how to cook the best pizza in Chicago.

After a straight hour of on deep dish pizza, Chef Bruno finally got around to telling me more about how his program is affecting inmates.

It was great to be with people in Chicago who understood what pizza is supposed to look and taste like. Guys, this pizza is genuinely awesome. You must have people lining up around the block to buy this. Actually, it's only for inmates. Guys, we gotta rescue Chicago from that bull deep dish pizza.

Look at this.

In the last presidential election, 44% of Americans did not vote. That puts you in 26th position among developed countries. That's pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself. That's garbage. It's so garbage that in 2016, Trump got elected with only a quarter of eligible voters supporting him. That is a broken system. Some politics nerds are proposing a solution.

Jury duty and taxes are mandatory, so why not voting? But America is the land of the free, where the whole point is to do anything you want. Even dress up as fat Iron Man in Times Square on a Tuesday afternoon. So can you really force Americans to vote? Do you think in America voting should be compulsory?

Do you think America would ever accept mandatory voting? Definitely not. Why not? Because Americans are lazy, in general.

And that includes the freedom to not vote?

Do you think mandatory voting can happen in America? No. I do not. I do not.

Maybe Americans think it's impossible, but mandatory voting does exist in 22 countries, including one that's even drunker, crazier, and whiter than the US. I'm talking about Australia, where they've had it since 1922.

Okay, for Americans, the term democracy sausage has had a bad taste since the Clinton administration. But for Australians, consuming child intestine meat on bread has been a voting tradition since the 1940s. But what about the people who don't think a sausage sizzle is enough incentive to vote? What kind of punishment do you have to enforce to make it so that over 90% of people go and vote?

What, jail time? Public spanking? You have to wear a I didn't vote sticker?

All right, OK, we get it. Enough already. Jesus. Anyone here have a puppy I can pet for 10 seconds just to clear my head?

That's it? That's a bargain, I think.

Doesn't that make your election process very boring?

Damn, political science world star is gonna love this. But how do everyday Australians see it? I took a 25-hour flight and spent two weeks in quarantine just so I could talk to them myself in sunny Brisbane, Australia. What do you feel about the fact that voting is compulsory in Australia?

Just shut the up and vote. What do you guys think about mandatory voting in Australia?

Man, that is Australian. Why do you think voting isn't mandatory in America?

All we needed to get people to vote was to elect Donald Trump. And then guess what? People turn up. We don't need to force people to vote.