Ronny Chieng (performing a bit)
Appearances
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So he wanted someone who could talk to these issues. So I'm just lucky that I was the recipient of his search. You know, it could have been anybody.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Very familiar. I've been following U.S. politics since the West Wing came out, was watching it religiously, and then started, you know, always reading about U.S. presidential history. I'm a U.S. president nerd. And The Daily Show, we were watching it as soon as we were able to illegally download it in Australia. We would torrent, like, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and watch it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So I'm a huge fan. I was watching all the time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yes, there's a photo of me standing there not knowing what to do. I was in the studio right next to him. But obviously off his camera. But there was a camera on me because I was doing a segment with him, as you said. And then we finished the segment. And then usually he says, okay, everybody, Roy Chang, everybody. And then everyone applauds and I leave the studio. But he didn't do that this time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
He explained why he was leaving the show on air. And no sign of it. There was no sign. I didn't know he was doing that.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I don't know. He's a very smart guy and I trust his judgment on everything. And I'm sure he had his reasons, you know, and I can't speak to them, but I'm sure he had his reasons to do it because it seems like a pretty extreme thing to do.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I just feel the Chinese coming over.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Maybe he didn't want anyone to talk him out of it. I don't know.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, but... Oh, yeah, maybe he didn't want anyone to leak it. That's also a possibility, you know?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I was like, is this a bit? And then in my head, I was also like, well... Well, not live. You know what I mean? Like he could say that and then we could just edit it if he changes his mind. So I was like, this sounds serious. I don't know what's going on. I'm a person who I think I do a decent job at minding my own business. So I wasn't like, well, what's going on?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I wasn't trying to like insert myself into this situation. You know what I mean? I was like, oh man, what's going on? You know, it sounds like he is going through some stuff. And so I hope he's okay. You know, that was my primary thought.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, honestly, I wasn't thinking that because I was here because of Trevor. If I lose the job because of Trevor, I was okay with that. You know what I mean? I wasn't supposed to have this job anyway. So I've always adopted this very nihilistic view about the job and doing it. Not nihilistic. Like I care about the job a lot. I love it. It's the best job in comedy.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
But I adopted this very like live in the present, I guess, Buddhist, you know, don't worry about the future kind of mentality with the job. And the second thing is also I believe that America will always have a daily satirical news show. You know, I think of all the countries in the world, if America can't do a daily satirical news show, like which country can? We have the most freedom of speech.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Stand-up comedy, are you out of your mind? That's not even a real job. Like, what do you think is gonna happen? You're just gonna run around America and tell jokes to strangers who don't give a about your mental health?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
We have the most resources for show business. We have infrastructure for comedic talent where people can write and get better as performers and writers and can aspire to be hired on shows like this. And we have the craziest political news. Like, if all those factors combine, if America cannot have a daily news satirical show, no one can.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Even if you do somehow manage to overcome the odds and make it to even a semi-professional level as a stand-up comedian, do you think there's any chance in hell you'd be funnier than me?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Which we have all the time, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I can talk about it, but to be honest, I don't know the reasoning. Maybe it's just hard to find someone to do it. It's a tough job. I mean, I guess what I can say is... I think the way it is right now, it makes sense because Jon wants to be on.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
The legendary Jon Stewart is on once a week. And the way he described it was... We as a satirical news organization, we should be trying to cover the climate instead of just chasing the weather, right? That's how we get an elevated show is if we can describe the climate, the political climate of America versus just chasing these individual news stories. And so...
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
What the current arrangement does is that it allows Jon Stewart to come in and talk about the climate once a week and give us the big ideas in America. And it allows the rest of us correspondents to do a bit more weather chasing, which...
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
As much as we're trying to avoid that, unfortunately, it's necessary weather chasing sometimes because ultimately our job is to make fun of the news and the news happens every single day. Not that we have to avoid discussing the climate, but we can also, it freezes up to kind of chase the weather a bit and nobody gets burnt out.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So as long as the quality doesn't drop, I mean, you know, this might be the way to do it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yes, yes. But that's the beauty of the show is that we're actually making fun of these stereotypes. Yeah. Sorry, of these tropes.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Daddy's a borderline arena act in some markets. Have you seen my IMDB page? I'm in everything. I will crush your career. Oh, Gary. Your mother and I did spend a fortune to make an A-grade blastocyst for them to become a B-grade comedian. I will never watch anything you do. Go to law school! Oh!
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Maybe I should set up also that we are working in a restaurant in Chinatown, but we are also characters in a TV show who don't realize that we're in a TV show. So we are... on the surface, working at this restaurant, but we are working at a restaurant in the context of being on a law and order type show. So that's the meta aspect of it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Somebody threw away an entire Peking duck with the sauce and everything. You're a , man. I'm the . You are the one who's hoping it was a dead person.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm very complimentary of you, yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, that's a good question. Creativity Asians was my first movie, so I had nothing to compare it with. But I will say on set, you could feel this really cool camaraderie and chemistry. We all had this shorthand. We were all Asian actors in our 30s and we were all in this movie for the first time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
This underdog movie, which when we were making, there was no indication it would have been as successful as it was. I think that's fair to say, as in it was still yet to be seen. was not a sure thing. Lots of risks were taken by the directors and producers, which we're all eternally grateful for that it paid off. But we were all in this thing in Malaysia and Singapore.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And so we were just hanging out. You know, we would go for karaoke we will go for Korean barbecue we didn't need to explain why we were going for Korean barbecue it wasn't ethnic eating it was just food and then when we get to Korean barbecue we don't have to explain what was being served we all got it so stuff like that you know there was like a shorthand and camaraderie which exists till today
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, Chinese Malaysian.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So they came when I was one.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So then I only came here when I was three and then I left when I was seven. Yeah. So basically they came to America and they left me in Malaysia for like a year and a half or something. And then when I was around three years old, then they brought me over. So they were with my sister without me. So they were probably here for like two years, I guess.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, I think they tell me that when I saw them at the airport, I walked away because I was so pissed. But I don't remember holding it against them. First of all, they were putting themselves through college. So, you know, imagine having to support two kids and themselves and college. So they were working and going to college at the same time.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And then second of all, it was like, yeah, it was too young. You know, it's like a baby. Like we don't, like that is before the internet. Who knows what's happening in Manchester, New Hampshire. They just didn't want to risk it. So it was easier to just take my sister.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Oh, great question. So when they moved back, they didn't tell me we're moving back. They said we're just going for a vacation. So I was like, oh, okay. So we'll go and see Malaysia and we'll come back. And then we went back to Malaysia and we never went back to America. And I was like, what happened? Like, why did you guys lie to me?
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And so I had a chip on my shoulder for like years of being in Singapore and Malaysia. And you know what? Maybe they changed. Nah, I was going to give them the benefit of the doubt. I was going to say maybe they went there and changed their mind. But I'm pretty sure they went there knowing they were going to go back. But no, in hindsight, I think they made the right decision for them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Because when they went back to Malaysia, they had more social capital because they had US education and they were culturally more suited to Malaysia and Singapore. So when they went back, I think they made the right choice for them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Oh, they became like corporate executives. My mom became like a financial controller. My dad became like a general manager of factories in China. And he would commute between China and Singapore and Malaysia. But my point is that I don't know if they would have been happy in America because in America, I was very happy. But I was like a four-year-old kid and they were working at a gas station.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
so I don't begrudge them at all I wish they had told the truth that we were moving back for good but I think they made the right choice ultimately so yeah and I was lucky I got to I appreciate being from Malaysia and seeing Singapore and seeing Australia and then coming to America and having a bit more perspective on things you know I truly think it feels like a superpower sometimes
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
It's what my father said to me.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Thank you. Thanks for having me on. And I'd like to note the contrast between the yelling of that clip and how calm the rest of the interview will be.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I mean, I didn't start comedy here. I started doing stand-up comedy in Australia. So when I came here, I was already six years into comedy. If you're asking me what it's like to start again in America, it was like a dream because I always wanted to do comedy in New York City. It's the best city in the world to do comedy. You can do five, six, eight shows a night here.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
The best comics are here, so you're competing against them. So if you have to follow them, you have to be good. But, I mean, I've told this story many times, but one of the best advice I got was from Mr. John Oliver, who, when I first joined The Daily Show, I met up with him because The Daily Show has a very strong alumni, truly the Harvard Business School of Comedy.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And I asked him for advice on how to be a correspondent in America. being a non-American correspondent on The Daily Show, which is something that he's uniquely placed to give me advice on. And he told me that it took him two years to relearn how to do comedy in America. And he was spot on. He was spot on.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And he was, you know, he was saying like, well, I mean, this is my interpretation of what he was saying, is that when you come to America as a foreign headliner comic, you can do comedy for... 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes. You can kill for... You could maybe even kill for 30 minutes. But you're always doing comedy as like the outsider.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, meaning like you're coming in, you're making fun of America on a very surface level. And that works... for about nine months. But after nine months or like 11 months, I think the audience and you yourself subconsciously can feel the inauthenticity of that in the sense of like, you've been here long enough. You should know that this isn't that weird.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
why are you still making fun of five flavors of Coca-Cola? You know, like you should know better now. You've been here long enough. And so the point was that it took two years to really kind of get a little bit more understanding of America where you could joke about it in a way that one, Americans haven't heard before and two, in a way that they agree with you in the authenticity.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
He said no white person will ever buy a ticket to go watch him.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yes. Like literally the day after I spoke to him and I told him I was on The Daily Show, he, you know, he Googled everything about it. And he was like, hey, you know, Jon Stewart is a big deal in America. I'm like, yeah, Dad, I know. That's what I was trying to tell you. And he was like, yeah, he makes a lot of money, man. This guy's making a lot. This guy's a multimillion dollar contract.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm like, yeah, yeah. Comedy is a big business in America. And then he, yeah, then he started following it more. But they've always been into American politics, you know, from afar.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, he would. Only in hindsight. Now, you know, he passed away in 2018. And I talk about this in the special. It's actually the last story I tell in the special. And only in hindsight do I realize like, oh, yeah, he was... he would hold court at family gatherings and he would joke about politics and he would roast the decisions by leaders or people around him, family members.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
No, I didn't think that was true. But I didn't tell him I was going to go do it. I went to go do it. And then he found out after I've been doing stand-up comedy for about two years. And then he found out. And he was trying to...
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
He would make fun of family members. So it was a very, I would say, a very modern style of comedy that he was doing. But obviously he didn't know he was doing comedy. He was just being the life of the party. And he was usually the most educated guy in the room, usually. So he would be making fun of current affairs, current events, people, family members. He would just roast them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Yeah, that's how he would do it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
uh i can't deny that having perspective helps a little bit because i have something to compare america to um so i know what's a extreme idea or what's not you know compared to other countries i also know what america does better than other countries um so i guess that lets me talk about it a I don't know.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I think a lot of what I learned about comedy, I'm very lucky that I moved to New York City when I was 30 years old, nine years ago, because I think being here in this environment made me a better comic. I don't think comedy is the greatest art form on the planet and whatever, but I think it's a good art form. And one of the good things about it is that we talk to live human beings every day.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So you get a sense of where the cultural zeitgeist is. I think a lot better than anyone else. So not just being able to live in different countries. I went to law school. I have a degree in finance as well. So I think I've gotten to see a lot of different worlds. I've seen the corporate world. I've seen the crazy world. comedian, live performing world. I've seen the left wing world.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, in Singapore, I see the conservative world, the Chinese world and Australian. So I've seen enough different kinds of subcultures to, I guess, be able to compare stuff.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Thank you so much for having me. This is a real honor to be on the show and to speak to you. Thank you so much.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
protect me you know he was he was worried he was worried about what was going to happen you know what my future was going to be and then later on he got behind it nevertheless nevertheless when you were on the daily show and you started on the daily show you didn't tell your mother no i didn't tell them i got hired on the show what were you afraid of It wasn't so much afraid.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
It was that I didn't want to brag about small achievements. I just wanted to do the work. I didn't want to tell them that I joined this institution, which, quite frankly, they didn't really know about anyway, and make it sound as though I made it, quote-unquote. You know what I mean? Well, you kind of had.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Sure, but I don't know. I think the work comes first, you know, getting the job is one thing, but then can you do the job? And so it honestly just came out of kind of humility of like, oh, yeah, I'm on The Daily Show, but doesn't mean I've done anything yet. So why tell them, you know, like my philosophy was like, like, just do the job and then maybe they'll hear good things about you.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And then that will be the, you know, I mean, like I didn't need the flowers from them.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Quite frankly, if you want to talk about bragging rights for them, once I started doing decent work and people started liking what I was doing, then they would go up to them and be like, hey, your son is on The Daily Show. Which I think is better than you coming out and trying to brag about something. At that point, I hadn't even been on screen yet.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm not sure how popular The Daily Show is in Singapore or Malaysia. So I'd rather just do the work and then hopefully people like it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
To be clear, that's a bit.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So the premise of the bit is that if I have a kid, what's going to happen if they want to do stand-up comedy? And I realize I'm just like my parents. Like, even me, who has done stand-up comedy professionally, if my kid wanted to do it, I'd be like my dad, too. I'd be like, why are you doing this? This is crazy. Especially me knowing what's involved in stand-up comedy.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
All the more that I'm like, are you sure you want to do this? And one of the things I know about comedy that is, I think, quite a difficult thing to overcome is overcoming people's apathy and... And their lack of concern for your mental health. Which, by the way, is part of the reason why I never told anyone I was doing comedy. Not my friends or my parents or my family.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Because I wanted to test it in that environment. I wanted to test my comedy in an environment where nobody cared about you. Because I felt like if I could make these people who didn't care about me at all laugh, maybe this could be a job for me.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Sure. I'll let you guess which one's New York, which one's New Jersey in this analogy. But yes, it's just a bridge across that is called the causeway. People cross the bridge from Johor Bahru, Malaysia to Singapore every day. Every morning people wake up in Malaysia, go to work in Singapore and come back. braving the traffic and the fumes and the immigration.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
No, was not. The stand-up I was exposed to was in New Hampshire when my parents would play Seinfeld, the sitcom. And so you would see Seinfeld do stand-up in his interstitials, right in between the narrative, he'd do stand-up. And I remember asking my mom, like, hey, and that was the first time I saw, I even knew that that could be an art form.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
just standing there and telling jokes with no other props and, you know, it's just you and a microphone. And I told my mom like, hey, I want to try that someday. And my mom was like, oh, okay, cool. And I was like four years old.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
To be honest, when we watched it in... When we were watching in Malaysia and Singapore, we think that they're white people. At least for me anyway. I didn't realize like they were like a special type of ethnicity. I thought they were just a type of white person. And so when you're watching it, you're like... Like you get little samples of Jewishness in it, right? They'll drop a Yiddish word.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
They'll have a Hanukkah. They'll have little things here and there where you slowly start to be like, oh, these, I think they're different to white American people. And we didn't have any stereotypes. So I just thought they were New Yorkers. You know what I mean? I didn't think like, oh, this is Jewish behavior or this is a Jewish joke. I just thought, oh, these are New Yorkers.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
That's how New Yorkers talk. Until I came here, I realized, oh, it's its own thing.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
It was a reboot, yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
That's a great question. I think, first of all, one, we might be in media silos. So the stuff I say on a daily show might not actually ever reach my mega friends because we're all so siloed in our media consumption. That's one. And then two, I think that decent people have a sense of humor.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
about things you know so i wouldn't take uh the comment section as reality in terms of what what the reaction is to a clip in the comment section uh from mega people about political clip i don't necessarily think they would do react that way in real life face to face and um third of all hawaii is a very different vibe you know like hawaii people know how to get along for the most part
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I think in Hawaii, they know how to put community before themselves, which is very un-American, by the way. That this idea that in Hawaii, you know, everyone's very generous and you get more than you give in Hawaii if you come with the right energy. And so I like to think that in Hawaii, I always try to come with the right energy. I won't be so presumptuous to say that I always manage to nail it.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
But I think I come with the right energy and I think the locals and the Hawaiians there respond to that. So yeah. You know, they can be, you know, hardcore MAGA people, but they, you know, they're totally cool with me as far as I know.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Oh, you're quoting my special. Yeah.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Um, those are all very concerning. Don't get me wrong. I think if he does any of that, it is upsetting and subverts the legal process in many ways, in some ways more blatant than others. My answer to that is we had four years of him. And The Daily Show was making fun of him every day during those four years. And essentially nothing happened.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So just going off of history and past evidence, which is all I kind of have to go by right now, is that kind of... You know, for me, that's kind of a sign of how it's going to be, you know, what his bluster versus his actual actions. I reserve the right to change my opinion if we all end up in jail. If we all end up in jail, then I will probably be wrong.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
But maybe I'm just this is just wishful thinking on my part. But yeah. Yeah, he said a lot of concerning things about the law. But I think ultimately, I believe in American institutions. I believe in checks and balances.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
You know, I believe that the entire founding of America was geared around having a weak federal executive who is unable to kind of use the government to go after citizens individually. I think that's the whole premise of America. And so because of that, I'm a bit more hopeful.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I hope I'm right, too. By the way, what do I know? I'm just a comic, just making dick jokes. But that's what I hope and that's what I believe. And that's why I'm still here.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
So I guess American democracy still works as long as the guy who likes overthrowing the government wins the election because then he won't overthrow the government. So with the transfer happening, we're going to be talking about Trump again every day for another four years, I guess.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And I, for one, did not think that when I came out of the jungles of Malaysia to do comedy that I would be making jokes about Donald Trump every day for 13 years straight. 13 years. I don't talk about anybody as much. I don't talk about my mom as much as I talk about this guy. I don't talk about my wife as much as I talk about this guy. Yo, my wife thinks I'm having an emotional affair with him.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
I'm going to be talking about this guy on my f***ing deathbed, okay? Which I assume will be in three years when he somehow brings back the bubonic plague. And you might be sitting at home saying, well, Ronnie, why don't you just shut the f*** up about Trump? Well, for the same reason CNN doesn't shut the up about him. Money.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Lots and lots of money. So let's get these dollars right now and get back to Donald Trump.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Partially. There's some truth to that.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Extremely surprised. Because we weren't necessarily friends. He was obviously much more successful than me in the festival circuit. So we rarely crossed paths. And I ended up performing with him for the first time in Canada, just for laughs, in Montreal. And that's when he... was very friendly to me at the show. He was very complimentary. He said, it's great. You know, what you're doing is great.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And, um, I said, oh, thanks so much. I didn't think too much about it. Right. And then, uh, maybe two years later, I get this email to audition for the daily show. And I was like, it was like a dream come true. I couldn't believe it, you know? And so, uh, I still remember doing the audition in my apartment in Melbourne. And, um,
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
sending it in and then getting the call back to come to New York City and audition for The Daily Show in New York City, which was obviously, you know, a huge deal if you're coming from Australia. And so, no, I did not expect to get it at all. It was very much him who put the spotlight on me, as in The Daily Show would never have found me if not for Trevor insisting that I get on.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
Daddy, daddy, when I grow up, I want to be a stand-up comedian, just like you.
Fresh Air
Comedian Ronny Chieng Didn't Tell His Parents He Got A 'Daily Show' Job
And again, I'm not his closest friend, you know. I don't even think I'm his funniest friend. He just really was adamant that... he wanted an Asian person on the show because he felt that Asian people are like half of the world's population, but there's no presence on The Daily Show. And I guess at that time, he was thinking of a more international show, right?
Pablo Torre Finds Out
The 2nd Annual Ronny Chieng Content-Prostitution Hour
You're listening to Giraffe Kings Network.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
The 2nd Annual Ronny Chieng Content-Prostitution Hour
Hold on a second, Ronny. So we're bringing in our speedboat here. We're going very fast again. Do you have a sports question of any kind, Ronny, that you would ask our speedboat correspondent, that you would want him to give you an answer to as fast as possible? Nein. Okay, ich habe dich in einen schlechten Spot gesetzt. Du hast vorhin verabschiedet. Ja, ich mache das immer noch.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
The 2nd Annual Ronny Chieng Content-Prostitution Hour
Und jetzt geht Taylor wieder langsam.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
The 2nd Annual Ronny Chieng Content-Prostitution Hour
Auf der Rückseite, aber ich meine... Nun, wir werden dich wieder aufnehmen und es richtig machen und es besser machen, ohne jemanden auf einem Fahrrad zu haben, okay? Also, wenn du uns die Gelegenheit nimmst, es wieder zu machen, weil ich die ersten sechs Minuten von diesem Thema verpasst habe.
Pablo Torre Finds Out
The 2nd Annual Ronny Chieng Content-Prostitution Hour
It doesn't sound promising. It doesn't sound promising. It doesn't sound, yeah, I don't blame you if you don't, but thank you for this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Which is normally something you expect to hear only at Red Sox games. or, honestly, any place in Boston that serves alcohol. But enough about baseball. Let's talk about something people actually watch, the Olympics. In 1948, Victoria Manalo-Drez became the first AAPI Olympic champion. But being Filipino, she also faced a lot of discrimination.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
That's right, people. We've got our own month. And in honor of AAPI Month, I'm gonna teach you about the most underrepresented demographic of all time, Asian Americans in sports. And I don't just mean the heavy hitters, like Jeremy Lin, Michelle Kwan, Tiger Woods. Yeah, we're claiming him. You got a problem with that? Take it up with the UN.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
In fact, when she was younger and she used a public pool, the town assholes would drain the water after she swam in it, which isn't just racist, it's idiotic. You're gonna double your water bill just because you're afraid of catching being Asian? You can't even get that from a pool. You have to share the same straw, dumbasses.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
But against the odds, Manalo won her gold medal in the women's three-meter springboard, and she was cheered on by diver Sami Lee, the first Asian-American man to win an Olympic gold medal. That's right, the first two AAPI gold medals at the same games. It was like Asian Christmas, which is just Christmas. But not every Asian who broke the color barrier had a happy ending.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
In 1948, Larry Kwong became the first non-white player in the NHL when he joined the New York Rangers. But they only put him on ice for a minute, and he never played in another game again, which sucks. But breaking the color barrier is like losing your virginity. Even if you only did it for a second, it still counts.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Another great first happened in 1927 when Walter R. Chu became the first person of East Asian descent to play in the NFL. Because his last name was R. Chu, he earned the nickname Sneeze. Sadly, this was before athlete sponsorships were a thing, so he couldn't even get that sweet, sweet Kleenex money. Eventually, he retired from the NFL to compete in a safer sport.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
wrestling, proving that Asians can roll around without balls in someone's face just like everyone else. But let's move on to my personal favorite sport, basketball. The first non-white player of any race in NBA history was Japanese-American Wataru Misaka. In 1947, he was the first draft pick of the New York Knicks, and they even promoted his skills to sell tickets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
But shocker, he faced a lot of anti-Japanese sentiment and only ended up playing three games. It was so bad, he decided to go back to school to get his engineering degree, which I respect. He was basically like, oh, you don't like me being Asian? Well, I'm gonna be extra Asian now, bitches. But sports isn't just about the athletes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
There's so many other people who've made history without destroying their joints. People like Kim Ng, who became the general manager of the Miami Marlins, making her the first female GM in any major American men's league. She worked her way up the ladder, facing racism and sexism. It's the surf and turf of discrimination. So now you know. There's been so many unsung Asian sports heroes in history.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Don't bother thanking me. My meager teacher salary is thanks enough. And yes, this is all gonna be on the final. All right, all right, settle down, everyone, because today we're learning about something that's blowing up all over the world. No, not climate change, okay? I don't teach boring stuff in this classroom. I'm talking about K-pop.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
It's why your cousin suddenly speaks Korean more fluently than English. And believe it or not, K-pop used to be something that only Koreans knew about. The rest of the world wasn't always into it. Like how there was a time when white people didn't know about yoga. The first group to really break through internationally was the Kim sisters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Sukja, Eja, and Minja started singing as children during the Korean War for American GIs. They sang, they danced, and they played 20 instruments. I can't even name 20 instruments. Saxophone, In 1959, they got a contract to perform in Vegas. Ed Sullivan was taping a show there and they managed to book a performance on the show. There was such a hit, they got asked back 20 more times.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Instead, I want to focus on the underdogs who blazed the trail for all the other Asian American athletes to come. People like Wally Yonamine, the Japanese-American who played not one, but two professional sports. And unlike Michael Jordan, he didn't suck at one of them. Also, he never became a crying meme. Why are you sad? You're Michael Jordan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Do you know how great you have to be to get asked back to anything 20 times? I don't even get invited to join LinkedIn that much. Unfortunately, the growth of K-pop hit a bump in the road soon after, when South Korea fell under the dictatorship of President Park Chung-hee, who started banning music. They even created blacklists of songs that radio stations couldn't play.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Everyone's end-of-year Spotify summary just said, your most played song was the national anthem. But Korean artists kept making music that challenged the status quo, like folk singer Han Dae-su, whose albums were banned for anti-government messaging. Or rock guitarist Shin Jong-hyun, who, the story goes, defied the dictator's request to write a song in his honor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
And let's face it, wanting a song to be written about you is classic dictator behavior. Right after military parades and having a weird haircut, everyone tells you looks great. By the 80s, the dictatorship had loosened. And by loosened, I mean the dictator was assassinated. But whatever, it made listening to the radio fun again.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Outside music was allowed back in the country, and two of the most influential genres became hip-hop and R&B. Black artists from Michael Jackson to run DNC reshaped the musical landscape of South Korea. It inspired performers like Deuce, DJ DOC, and Sir Taegi and Boyz, who are the earliest examples of K-pop as we know it today.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
They even made it into the movie soundtrack for Three Ninjas Kick Back. You didn't think we'd be watching a movie in class today, did you? Yeah, well, I didn't think I'd still have a hangover. But sometimes life surprises you. This was a big moment for Korean pop music, even if the song was being played over a scene set in Japan. But give them a break, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
They're the three ninjas, not the three cultural sensitivity experts. The next big step towards today's K-pop was in the 1990s, when major music studios started putting performers together in boy and girl bands. That's right, Korea was doing that long before Simon Cowell's nips ever started poking through his T-shirts. That's a no from me, dawg.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
It's no surprise this new wave of K-pop blew up around the world. It featured complex melodies unlike any other pop music and always had next level dance choreography. To this day, those remain the signature elements of K-pop. That and being Asian. Very important requirement.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
This new generation of K-pop stars became so successful, the government started to take notice and soon launched a program to promote Korean music around the globe. They saw K-pop as a way to boost Korea's cultural strength and economy without having to do a squid game. But one of the biggest K-pop sensations was a surprise no government could predict.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
I'm sorry, I know it took you 10 years to get this out of your head, but we gotta talk about it. Gangnam Style was the first video to break a billion views on YouTube. It was so popular, UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon praised the song, saying the arts was the path to cultural understanding. He said that about Gangnam Style.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
That's like if they played Baby Shark during a war and all the soldiers started laying down their weapons and hugging each other. Since then, the rest of the world is more into K-pop than ever before. From girl groups like Girls' Generation and Blackpink, to artists like CL. But let's get to the group you've been waiting for. The reason you all enrolled in this class in the first place.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
BT mother ass. Three letters so important, the rest of the alphabet doesn't even exist anymore. They've dominated the charts. They've generated billions in revenue. They made it okay to eat butter again. They even increased tourism to South Korea. I mean, I'm glad my fans aren't that devoted, because then they'd have to travel to Australia, which, trust me, you don't wanna do that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
First, in 1947, Yonamine became a running back for the San Francisco 49ers. But in the wake of World War II, he faced a ton of discrimination, even while he was playing. When he would get tackled, the opposing team would punch and kick him. Do you realize how insane that is? I mean, it's football. Everyone's going home with brain damage already. You don't need to force it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
BTS is without a doubt the biggest group in the world. You can tell by their fans. The BTS Army is the second largest military after the US, and they've drawn zero weddings. BTS might be on hiatus, but there's so much new K-pop we can enjoy while they're gone. And now you know how I got to where it is today. Oppa Gangnam Style. Oh, now it's in my head. Get it out. Hello class, thanks for coming.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Although you really had no choice, since if you don't come to school in America, your parents get arrested. Today, we're gonna learn about some of the great Asian veterans in US history, because Asians have served in the US military for almost as long as America has fought in wars, which is basically the whole time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
America loves war so much it wants to have its babies and then send those babies to go fight in the next war. Anyway, first up is Augustine Feliciano, who fought in the War of 1812, which happened in... Let's see here. Let's see here. The teacher's guide doesn't actually say, so nice going, morons. Feliciano was the first Filipino to serve in the US Navy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
But before he sailed with the Navy, he sailed with pirates. That's right, American history has Asian veterans and Asian pirates. I'm blowing your freaking mind today. What's next, Asian werewolves? No, that's beneath us. Let's fast forward to America's Civil War. The first one, not the one currently happening every day in your Twitter feed.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
The Civil War is where Chinese American soldiers began to make their mark. Of the roughly 200 Chinese Americans living in the Eastern US at the time, 58 of them served in the war. That's 58 out of 200. Can you calculate the percentage from that number? It's easy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
You just cross out the zeros, you move the decimal point over, you flip the whole thing, you multiply by 100, and you plug your phone and use a calculator. Math is easy, especially for me, a teacher. One of the most distinguished Chinese Civil War vets was Joseph Pierce.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
He rose in the ranks to corporal, the highest rank of any Chinese American in the Union Army, which I can also relate to because I am the highest ranking Asian at The Daily Show. Though sadly, I do not have as many confirmed kills. And yeah, there were white soldiers in the 1800s who were taking orders from an Asian guy. Because those guys were hashtag allies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
and they didn't even need to brag about it on Instagram. All right, Julia? We get it. You taught your dog Cantonese. But not every veteran got what they deserve. Edward Day Cahota was a Chinese immigrant adopted by an American ship captain who fought in the Civil War and then served for another 26 years. But get this, America still refused to make him a citizen. Can you believe that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
I mean, this guy risked his life in the military for almost 30 years. Most citizens never do anything close to that. they automatically get citizenship just by getting pooped out of their mom's butt. That's right, I threw in some sex ed for free. You're welcome. Let's move on to World War I and one of its greatest Asian-American heroes, Lao-Sing Kee.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
He was a runner, which means he ran messages to the front line, all while dodging gunfire and flamethrowers. That's right, this guy risked his life to send messages. I hope this makes you grateful for texting. In fact, I wish this was still how we had to send messages. You probably think twice if you had to run across a battlefield to give someone a picture of your dick.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
After a wrist injury in 1951, Yonamine decided to switch to baseball. He moved to Japan to play for the Yomiuri Giants, where he was an 11-time All-Star and became the first American player ever to be inducted into the Japanese Baseball Hall of Fame. Crazy thing is, Yonamine faced racism in Japan too, but this time because he was American. At games, the fans would chant, Yankee, go home!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Now let's turn to World War II. We saw Asian American heroes like Daniel Inoue, who fought in the 442nd Regiment, a unit made up completely of soldiers of Japanese descent and one of the most decorated regiments in military history. During a combat mission in France, Inoue escaped death when a bullet to his chest was blocked by two silver dollars. Try doing that with Bitcoin, you crypto bitches.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Daniel Inoue is why I carry two silver dollars in my breast pocket at all times. Wait, where are they? Oh yeah, I got that vending machine coke. Okay, nobody shoot me until I can get to the bullion exchange. Even after his military service, Inoue went on to serve 50 years in Congress. So congrats to him on finding the only job worse than combat.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
But maybe the biggest Asian badass to come out of World War II was Captain Nieves Fernandez, a Filipino schoolteacher who became a guerrilla warfare fighter and led a squadron that killed over 200 Japanese soldiers. You hear that, class? Schoolteachers can become guerrilla assassins. Do not mess with us! Ow! Goddamn, it's sharp.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
The last veteran we're gonna learn about today is a living legend, and not how that term is usually used, like if your friend Jake wins a stupid flip cup tournament. I mean an actual legend, Tammy Duckworth. She served as a Blackheart helicopter pilot in Iraq until 2004, when her aircraft was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade. She lost her legs and partial use of her right arm.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
For her sacrifice, she was honored with a purple heart. I don't know why it's purple. I guess whoever designed it was a huge Prince fan. But her service didn't end with the military. She went on to become the first Thai-American woman and disabled woman elected to Congress. She also became the first woman to bring a baby onto the Senate floor, although it definitely wasn't the first diaper.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Those dudes are old as shit. So class, in conclusion, from now on, when you think of Asians in American history, don't just think of railroads and that guy from Breakfast at Tiffany's who isn't actually Asian. Think of Tammy Duckworth, Lao Tsing-Ki, and Nieves Fernandez, who kill-built half an army. Speaking of which, I gotta go tend to this neck wound.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | AAPI Heritage Month
Knowing how cheap these school districts are, I probably have lead poisoning. Class dismissed.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Moving on, despite the lack of March Madness upsets, there was one Cinderella story that the entire world could get behind.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Jordan, did your brain tear its ACL? Okay, we shouldn't be giving an equipment manager endorsement deals. It's against the natural order of things. The jocks get the endorsement deals and the glory and the girls and the nerds get to get beat up by the jocks, then start social media companies that warp the brains of the jocks to eventually vote against their own interests.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Which brings us to my bracket buster, Better Than Knife. Which random nerd will get an endorsement deal next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. As Thomas Jefferson once said, it ain't gay if it's a parlay. Now it's time for our Sports War Halftime Report with Grace Kuhlensmith.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
By now, we all know the story about how Trump's team included a reporter in their war planning group chat. And we don't need to hear it again. But it is super funny, so let's hear about it again.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Bravo, bravo. I love dudes. This is exactly what vasectomies are all about. Watching sports alone with a bag of frozen peas on your junk. I mean, me, I'm on my 11th vasectomy this year. Is that why you missed my wedding? No, I missed it because I don't like seeing you happy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Before we go, let's throw it back to Grace for our post-game report.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I've seen it when he eats cereal.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
My guest tonight is the first woman, first Asian, first Michelle to be elected mayor of Boston. Please welcome Mayor Michelle Wu. Standing ovation. Outstanding ovation in New York for the mayor of Boston. That's very hard to get. That's the first time. I love you. I don't usually make demographics such a big deal, but, like, how did you become mayor?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Of Boston.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Well, what's the answer? How did you...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah, went to Harvard Law School.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
OK, OK.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, okay. That's great. That's the ball. First of all, New York forever. And second of all, so how did you become the mayor of Boston instead of Anson? Like, I don't know if you've been to Boston, but this is not the demographic for mayor of Boston. Like, you came to my show when I was there. I was doing stand-up there. You were very nice. You came. Sold out show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Sold out shows at Wilbur, not to brag. And you came. And my DJ was there. My DJ is like a Chicago, Korean, American guy. And I was like, oh, that's the mayor of Boston. And he was like, what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
But how did you convince these guys?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
They gave you a standing ovation. Why did you... No, no, this isn't about New York versus... This is not about New York versus Boston because New York is clearly better. I'm saying... I'm saying... No, no, no, it's not about that. It's not about who's a better city, which we clearly are. It's more that how did you get those guys to vote for you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Because this is not the demographic that... How did you convince them to put you in charge?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay. But right now, it feels like everyone, you know, politicians, everyone hates politicians now more than ever. Like, why did you get, like, what made you want to put yourself out there to get into this? You know, it's a very thankless job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
We hate the mayor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Sure. And so, again, like, you... I think you won your last election at 64% of the vote. Is that right? Is that right? So you're incredibly popular in Boston, and they trust you to run the city. How did you convince these Boston people?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
What, and they just believed you? They just believed you? What...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, you see, this optimism, I'm not, I can't. So you became mayor of Boston at like 36, which is pretty insane.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah, well, I know, because we're born in the same year. So I'm like, damn, this woman became a mayor already. I'm still here telling dick jokes. But like this, no, but like something about Boston, you're like the youngest successful Boston person running Boston since like Theo Epstein, right? the best of the Epsteins. He was like the youngest GM of, I don't know why they trusted you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I mean, obviously you're very good at your job. What's the toughest thing you face in Boston?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
You think that's funny, don't you? That the stupid Secretary of Defense is so stupid and all drunk that he texted, well, clean on OPSEC when there's a reporter right in the group chat? Yeah? Well, laugh it up, people, because unlike you, I have human empathy for these people who are just trying their best to kill other humans, all right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So you're mayor, you're running the day-to-day of the city, right? What's the hardest thing day-to-day, like mayoring in Boston?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
OK. Um, so, like... I just, all right. So right now, you know, you ran as a Democrat as well. Democrats, I don't know if you've seen the news lately, incredibly unpopular in this country. I could not be less popular. Everyone hates everything they're doing. So how do you, everyone hates that. Like, I don't know what the, like 10% popular, whatever it is, it's horrible.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
How do you, as a Democratic mayor, like do outreach to what I assume is a large percentage of your constituency that probably voted Republican and MAGA and Trump?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So you're saying you outreach by focusing on... Doing the work. Doing the work that everyone agrees that should be done. Is that your method for success, actually just doing the work?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
little thing yeah so that's actually what you found i'm genuinely curious how i know you don't find this weird i'm telling you most people watching this are like how the hell let me tell okay let me tell you a little bit more about boston um you didn't tell me boston boston's my childhood chinatown okay i know boston yeah i used to live in manchester new hampshire you drive to boston uh for that was like our local chinatown we'll go there for supplies to bring it back to new hampshire
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And I guarantee that if anyone in this audience had their group chats leaked, it would ruin every single one of your lives. I personally have chats that are actually more sensitive than a missile attack on the Houthis, okay? If you told me that my group chats leaked and then told me it was just my missile attack one, I'd be like, oh, my God, thank God. Thank God.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Because I don't know if you know, there's not a lot of Malaysian grocery stores in Manchester, New Hampshire. So we would go to Boston to get it. So I know Boston. That's why I'm even more surprised that you became mayor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Do you think people are feeling this on the streets? in Boston?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So lots of ways to get involved. So sorry for hopping on about this, because obviously you're very popular in Boston. My thing right now is I'm wondering, whenever I can get a Democrat who's actually popular, which is very rare in this country. Every time I get to sit to someone who actually, it seems like both sides of both tribes seem to get behind such as yourself.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I kind of focus on the kind of the outreach to the other tribe more. So for example, if someone was to tell you, you know, like recently you got, I guess you got, you testified in Congress about sanctuary cities, you know, which is one issue in many things. And you defended yourself well. What do you say to the people in your constituency who might feel like, hey, why are we doing this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
What's the big deal with this sanctuary city thing? If people are illegally in the country, shouldn't we arrest them and get rid of them? What is the big deal?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
So, I guess... I guess, I mean, look at these, I don't know, these people from Boston or something. I don't know what's happening here. These people came here from Boston. So what advice would you give to the Democrats running now about how to not be such losers? Or, like, connect to the people more.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
It seems like there seems, I don't know, I truly don't understand what's happening, because every day on this show, we talk about some bullshit that happened, and then nothing seems to matter, and then I'm like, I guess nothing matters anymore. So there's clearly a disconnect between the Democratic Party, or maybe politics in general, if you're being generous, and the common people, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
There's some kind of, there's something weird happening. Like, is that, do you feel that way?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And by the way, it wasn't even Pete Hegseth who added him. It was some other incompetent guy at the highest levels of government, okay? Like, what, you think Hegseth has the editor of the Atlantic magazine saved in his phone? No way, all right? If Hegseth autofilled a contact into a group chat, it would be like Tampa Bay blonde with Bugs Bunny tattoo. But still, you gotta ask, how did this happen?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And now you're the government.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, so... Um... Well... Look, I mean, I don't know. If you can become the mayor of Boston, maybe, you know, one of arguably the most racist cities in America, then maybe there's hope for everyone yet. I mean, I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I don't know. I got a lot of love for Boston. They were nice to me when I was there. But there is a stereotype of the city, which you are totally, I don't know. I still don't understand how you got elected. I mean, obviously you're good at your job and you're charming and all that, but that was enough for them to convince them?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
No, New York City is perfect. I'm not sure if you... I'm not sure if you've been out there. This place is great. We got, you know, we got rats and feces. I hear that there's like a secret WhatsApp group of Asian mayors. I met the mayor of Cincinnati.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Can I join this group chat? Put me in. For me, I help you guys out. Okay, look. You're Mayor Wu. You're the best. Thank you for representing all Asians. Thank you for making the city of Boston great. I appreciate all you do. I know it's a very thankless task. Boston Mayor Michelle Wu, everybody. We're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
I mean, don't you guys have tech support in the government? I mean, what, oh. Well, okay, well, if you ask me, adding a reporter wasn't even the most embarrassing thing to happen on this group chat.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Is anyone else kind of upset that we're conducting war by emoji now? I mean, what does this even mean? What, I'm gonna fist the flag and then light it on fire? There's a reason why you don't use emojis for life and death situations. It's too open to interpretation, okay? Like imagine if your doctor texted you a crab emoji, right? And now you're going, oh my God, I have crabs?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And your doctor has to be like, LOL, no, it's the astrology sign for cancer. You have cancer. But now everyone is yelling at them about this breach of national security or whatever, and the Department of Defense is having trouble defending themselves. Luckily, all of MAGA is there to help them. Counter-argument one. Nobody's perfect.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Boris, I gave you the sound bites. Stop asking follow-up questions. If I wanted to talk to a journalist, I'd be on a private group chat with Pete Hegseth. Okay, cut it out. Like, come on, what, we're just calling this a mistake now? Like, look, my door dasher for getting straws is a mistake that can be rectified with one star and no tip, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
But this feels like a major up, and they're acting like nobody will care about this. And honestly, they're probably right. I mean, nothing seems to matter anymore anyway, and everyone will forget this in a few days when Trump sends the new Snow White to Gitmo.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
And even if they didn't accidentally add a journalist into this group chat, they weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff on Signal in the first place, okay? Signal might be a good app for you and me and our local drug dealer, but it's not for the Pentagon to plan wars on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
That's right, foreign adversaries could be watching whatever Pete Hegseth types into his phone, like, bar near me, or how to fool breathalyzer, or how to un-crash car. But if you're not satisfied with, it was just a mistake, they have another defense. It was just a mistake that was awesome.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Precision. I mean, even your texts weren't hitting the intended targets, all right? Like, forget the hoothies. I'm surprised they didn't accidentally blow up Hootie and the Blowfish. This is like if your sex tape leaked and you're like, hey, I'm glad you saw all of it, okay? This proves my dick works.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
By the way, Mike Johnson, if you're watching, a sex tape is when two people love each other very much, but they also want to masturbate later. Just to summarize, the Trump administration admitted this happened, but it was a small mistake, and it was a good thing that it happened, but also, what if the reporter made the whole thing up? Not a good reporter.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Right. So this reporter who is dishonest and sucks is also correct. And also, we added him to our group chat because he's a fun hang. I mean, you can't use it was a mistake and it was fake news. You got to pick one, okay? You got to get together and figure it out, okay? But not in a group chat. No more group chats.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
You know what? All's well that ends well. The good news is that no one got hurt except for the people of Yemen. And I guess it'll be okay as long as everyone involved learned their lesson.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, good enough, yep, good, good, good, good. We solved it, good. Of course, everyone is wondering what this scandal means for America's national security under Donald Trump, but there's another important question. What does it mean for journalism? And the answer is something that's gonna make a great movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Get all the Oscars now! When we come back, Jordan and I get mad about March Madness, so don't go away!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into today's top story. I know you goddamn hippies like to blame Donald Trump for everything up in the country, but hey, not everything that happens is his fault. He has a whole administration that can up for him. So let's find out the latest in our new segment, The Worst Wing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Like Ant-Man, I want teeny tiny little athletes. That's nuts, Ronny.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Well, ants can lift 50 times their body weight. Try culturing yourself and watching a Marvel movie, you moron.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Wow, just like Jordan over here, this year's tournament sucks!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Where's the drama? Where's the crazy upsets? The only reason I watch these games is to see Duke fans crying to their ascots. Where are my Cinderella stories at? Usually there's at least one fairy tale underdog with a starting lineup of guys that all have heart conditions and whose team is just integrated for the first time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Desperately Spin Yemen Group Chat Fumble | Mayor Michelle Wu
Okay, quinceañera is at 15, pendejo. Also, mi quinceañera muy excelente.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's First Day, Jan. 6 Pardons, Klepper Crashes Inauguration | Stephanie Hsu
What is this one? Withdrawing from the World Health Organization. Ooh.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's First Day, Jan. 6 Pardons, Klepper Crashes Inauguration | Stephanie Hsu
Right? People are coming out in support of more nationalist governments and making sure that we can actually support our people and not globalist elites. Stay out, globalist elites. Absolutely. That is exactly what we want. Are you excited to see Elon Musk up there? I am. And MAGA isn't just for one kind of people. We are for the American people and everybody that that encompasses.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Which brings us to our Tush Tech Better Than Night. Who will be the first Dodgers player to get sucked into a Japanese toilet? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. The new pope hasn't condemned it yet.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
A reality TV show for citizenship is somehow the most un-American and most American thing I've ever heard. Although we already have a contest to prove who's the most American, and it's called the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. What's more American than eating until your colon explodes and then going bankrupt from medical bills? But let me be clear, I hate this idea.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah, like a marinara sauce. That could be interesting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an award-winning fashion designer who launched his eponymous label in 2009. His memoir is called Walk Like a Girl. Please welcome Prabhu Guru. Bravo, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
New York City, give you a standing ovation. I mean, thank you very much.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I decided to dress like Ronnie. Yeah. Didn't you get the memo what was going to happen? Yeah, it's good to see you, man. You're the highest of the highs in the fashion world. Bravo.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
You honor us with your taste and your grace. Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, so you've, like, dressed, you know, the Met Gala, Obama, Michelle Obama. How does a guy go from, how does a person go from being a kid in Nepal to the highest of the highs in New York City fashion?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah. So... So having a delusional family. Delusional family. No, I didn't say family. I said delusional me. Right. But your family also encouraged you, because that's a big part of this book. I mean, first of all, I read the book. It's great. Very easy to read. A little sad sometimes. Yes. But that's life. Yeah, OK. I wasn't complaining. I'm just describing it. Yeah, it's good. No, it wasn't.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
No, it's bittersweet. It's like the sad moments, but there is hopefulness in it, even in the sad moments. When I'm reading the sad moments, I think it's because I know how you end up. I know how the book ends, so I'm like, oh. Yeah, this is nothing. But one theme of the book that keeps popping up is how much you love your mom. Yes. You keep talking about how much you love your mom.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Like, why do you love your mom so much?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Mom, you're incredible as well, and you are also the best as well. Well, that was an afterthought, just so that you know. No, I wasn't after. I was immediately on it. Mom, you are the best. I love you, Mom. My mom is the best. No, my mom is better. My mom is better than you. Well, really? Have you written a book? Have I written a book about my mom? Not yet. There you go.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Why do you love your mom?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Unless they're looking for a host, then I love this idea. And I'm available on Fridays. I... I will say, it might be a nicer way to get deported. Instead of ICE agents disappearing you up in unmarked vehicles, Ryan Seacrest walks into your living room with a TV crew and is like, Carlos, we're taking you out of the USA.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Just saying. I just woke up and I just saw this. I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll just try this on the show today. I didn't know. It's so embarrassing that you decided to. This is kind of embarrassing. Yeah, I mean, I just thought, listen. Next time, check with your stylist. Will do, will do. Because you can't just walk on the show dressing like the host.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I don't know how you pull this off. This is very, I'm very cold right now. You wear this all the time. I have no idea how you don't wear a shirt under your jackets. What makes you think this is not a shirt? No, I can see the cleavage. I don't know how you get with it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
There's some people who shouldn't be showing off their cleavage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
No, we don't need to. Across multiple genders, some of them don't need to show their cleavage. Your mom, tell me about your mom. Why do you love your mom?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Which, by the way, it wasn't that, you know, white people watch this and they're like, that's normal. But where... In Nepal, it's... Yeah, but I think that it was a big deal for her to be like that for you in Nepal. Because you want the typical kid.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I love you all for that. Every page of the book. That what you just felt, that's every page of this book. And yes, you know what? Guess what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
So is your mom good or not?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I love my mom, too. I love my mom. I just don't need to brag about it every five seconds. You have to meet my mother. Any of my friends who've met her, she's amazing. No, I'm sure she's great. You love her. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I think that's the problem. There's multiple mothers there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Did you wish your mom? I wish her for everyone. I cover all the bases. But I mean, it's because you bring her up in the book. I mean, I'm joking. It's not every single page, but she's definitely a recurring theme. At the start, she gives you strength. She keeps coming into the story. Even now talking to you, you can't shut up about her.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I know. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. Otherwise, I wouldn't have. You know that. Here's the thing. I could talk to you forever because you've got such an amazing story. I'm trying to get out some gems for people. So I'll just speed round through these questions. So what would you say to young fashion designers now who are trying to enter the industry now?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
No, don't applaud that. He said don't applaud that. He said don't. He doesn't need the validation. He doesn't need validation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
And I want to ask you quickly, because you were kind of in New York City at the kind of peak of high fashion in New York. It was the 90s. It was crazy. Vanity Fair. The parties meant something. Sound cars. Yeah, there was no internet, really. There was maybe a blog. Like, oh, no. No, not really. OK, well, AOL.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
But meanwhile, Kristi Noem was testifying in Congress today about whether her administration is deporting people without habeas corpus, which is their right to due process. If you didn't know what habeas corpus was, don't worry, Kristi Noem didn't Google it either.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah, so what was the fashion world like then compared to now? How has it changed? I know it's a broad question, but.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
How did you know it was a porn star? Because...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
So what is the advantage you would say that the fashion has now over in the 90s, the industry? I will say... I mean, many downsides, but what are some of the upsides? Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Well, I don't know if you heard the president, but that stuff is over now. We can't. I'm talking about fashion people who are smarter sometimes. So I guess for all the downsides of all these stupid influencers doing stuff for likes, there's still... No, that's a job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
So it's kind of taken away from the gatekeepers a little bit back in the day, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Well, that's a very cut down to a way to look at high fashion. And that's something I really like about you. You can go from the highest of all high fashion, the Met Gala, and you can come and have roadside coffee with me in Malaysia.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
See how generous am I? I just want, dude, I'm so sorry. You know why that is?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah, I'll talk about my mom. Yeah, me too. Yeah, me too. Look, I'm trying to compress so much. I'm sorry if it's a bit rushed. So I want people to see your genius sometimes. It's hard to see creativity in action. The best way I know how to represent it is if I give you some photos and you kind of illustrate for us kind of your ideas, your thoughts, on these, on this fashion concept.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Okay, all right. So what do you want me to talk about? So this is your, this is Tessa Thompson at the Met Gala. This is your dress. Yes. That you made. We would call it an ensemble.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Did your mom make this too? No, no, no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Okay, look, if Kristi Noem was just a random person on the street, I'd get it if she was like, Hapius Corpus? That's a Harry Potter spell, right? Makes you invisible? But the Secretary of Homeland Security should know that Hapius Corpus prevents the president from deporting you without due process. Not that it lets the president deport you without due process. That's the opposite.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
So can you just draw as though it makes people think like you're doing something cool on it? Okay. So what were the influences for this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
So this is super cheap, right? Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah, we make it in New York. Here's another... I mean, this year at Met Gala was crazy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
So this is something... Actually, I think I was at the show. Yes. Thank you for inviting me. I was totally out of place there. No idea what I was doing. This is an outfit you had at the... You should have just worn this, by the way, what you're wearing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
And me, maybe I'll come here. It's okay, I don't need that validation. I'm all right here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I don't know if I've ever seen you button a shirt, by the way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah, I like that phrasing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
This is also super cheap, right? This was like, okay. So let's try this one. Can you tell me what's going on with this outfit? Is this like a high fashion thing or what? Can you explain this? What is this? Wait, hold on. It's like, how many layers? Well, including the dandruff. That's like, there's like, at least he's wearing like... Oh my lord, do you see this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Sorry, we're blocking the thing. Wait, wait, wait, no, if you move it. What are you doing? Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I think it's like a, it's dandruff. Oh, it's dandruff, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
What is the, what is going on here? Why is there, is this a thing for fashion? Is he legitimately fashionable or am I just?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
It's also like Botox gone wrong, but anyway. But you're the fashion guy. You don't comment on the... Beauty.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
But five shirts, is that good? Should you ever wear five shirts? I would say no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
of what it means, and I didn't know you could have dyslexia for laws. Either way, Noam whiffed hard on that question, but unfortunately for her, the quiz was just beginning.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
He is almost like the antithesis of you. Because he's wearing five shirts and you're wearing no shirts. True. Direct opposite.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Oh, okay. You know what I'm talking about. This is the last one. This is the last one. So give me a meal on this. So... Who's this child? Who's this baby? Someone is... So what do you think about this outfit right here?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I mean... What does the hat say? Oh.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah. You're like, I don't know. Yeah. I mean. Make America great. That's what I mean. Well, do you like the spin on it? Because usually this is a red, but this seems to be a limited edition black, black on black. I mean, does that give you, does that buy him any credit with you? Not at all. Okay. Please. What do you like about the fit? You know, what do you think about?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Twiggy, you know the model Twiggy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
And that's what she would wear. Well, don't be negative. Anything positive from this? Anything? I love the curtains. Oh, the curtains you like?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
And I think, you know, he was a visionary, but he, I don't know. OK. So would you recommend this fit? Thumbs up or thumbs down? To him? No, to anyone. This is a, I think, I believe this is called an om-som. Is that what you just drew there?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
All right. All right, problem. You're the best, man. I hope I did good. Oh, you're the best. Thanks for having us on. Thanks for sharing your talent, and thanks for coming on the show, and thanks for sharing your good taste. I really appreciate it. You're the best, man. Thank you very much. Walk Like a Girl is available now. We'll be right back after this. That's our show for the night.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Now here it is, your moment of zen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
It was in one. It was the first... You didn't even read the first one. So can you stop? We get it, okay? Stop asking her harder questions. Like, how would senators like it if Kristi Noem asked you questions that she was an expert in, huh? Hey, Senator Kim, do you know how to trick a puppy into walking into an open grave? No? Not so smart now, are you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Anyway, Kristi Noem, you still don't know the basics of American law, so I'm sorry to say... we're gonna have to take you out of USA. But luckily... I know. Won them back after the dog killing jokes. But luckily for America, Christine Noem isn't the only one in charge of keeping the country safe.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
We also got Kash Patel and Dan Bongino, two guys who look like they should be henchmen in a Ninja Turtles movie, but are somehow running the FBI now. And before he took over, Dan Bongino wasn't afraid to tell us the truth about what the FBI was covering up.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah, exactly. Epstein killed himself? Bongino knows the truth, and now he and Kash Patel get to see all the files. So on Sunday, they sat down for an interview to tell us what really happened. Because we know Epstein didn't just kill himself. He killed himself. What? He killed himself without air quotes? That is the craziest thing I've ever heard, all right? I was a single-issue voter on this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I've never seen someone so sad that the deep state didn't kill someone. And also, hey, you can't talk so much shit about how the deep state did this and make it your entire personality and then now you're in it and you're like just shrugging it off like, oh yeah, I guess they were right the first time they investigated this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I'm Roddy Shank. We got so much to talk about tonight. Kristi Noem fails a pop quiz. The FBI wants you to shut up about Jeffrey Epstein already. And while you were stuck at the airport, Sean Duffy did some redecorating. So let's check in with the best cabinet ever in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Hey, if you fail that hard, you gotta let Hillary Clinton kill you, right? And finally, I don't know what we're cheering for. And finally, let's talk about the Department of Transportation. Recently, air travel in America has become what's known in the industry as totally . And I'm sure Secretary Sean Duffy has been working on a great plan to fix it. We are moving Jesus out of the basement. What?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Well, is that the new air traffic controller?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
No, no, no, no. Thank God, because when my plane is going down, I can tell the person next to me, don't worry, that's a shitty Jesus painting. It's upstairs at the Merchant Marine Academy now. For more on the return of the Jesus painting, let's go live to the painting and hear from the King of Kings himself, Jesus Christ. Hello, my child. Wait, hang on, Jesus, you're white?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I mean, I thought the real Jesus was like Middle Eastern or something.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Of course. But, oh, hey, Your Majesty, Sean Duffy is taking you out of the basement. I mean, you've got to be happy about that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Yeah, I guess that's technically true. But hey, at least you can be seen by more people in this historic painting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Okay, well, I mean, you're kind of Jesus. Like, can you help us with some of this airport stuff? No! No!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
All right. All right, well, hey, can you get me courtside seats? For you? Anything. All right, awesome. I'm going to bring my friend, Jordan Klepper.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Okay. Amen to that. That's very accurate. Hey, Jesus Christ, everybody. And we come back. Bill Belichick is in love, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. I think I speak for everyone when I say politics, drools, and sports rules. For a full recap on the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Let's start with Kristi Noem, Secretary of Homeland Security and one woman kill shelter. She's in charge of the country's pathway to citizenship, which for hundreds of years has been a solemn, dignified process for achieving the American dream. But what if, instead, it was tacky and gross?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I paid good money to see that. Oh, I paid good money to see a horse kick you in the face. Until then, let's talk sports. And the only story that matters is New York!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
What a mind-blowing image. People smiling in Midtown Manhattan. No city party's hotter while standing in your arena than New York City, all right? And I love that guy who climbed the billboard. Can you believe he only pays $1,700 a month to live up there? It's practically a studio. But you know what? New Yorkers waited a long time. They deserve this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
And the best part of this celebration, Michael Kosta wasn't there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Which brings us to our Bye Bye Boston Better Than Night. How will New Yorkers celebrate a Knicks championship brought to you by gambling? Gambling. I heard greyhounds actually like running until their legs explode. Let's move on from celebrating basketball and celebrate love or whatever the hell this is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
A surreal report that could turn immigration into a TV show. The Trump administration says it's in the very beginning stages of the vetting process for a reported immigrant reality TV show where immigrants would compete to prove they are the most American with a chance to win U.S. citizenship.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Grow up, Costa, you perv, all right? You're just jealous you'll never be famous enough to date a woman born four years from now. We sh... We should be celebrating their love. Love is strange. That's why it's beautiful. Remember that turtle that had sex with that shoe? Well, that shoe was 40 years younger than that turtle, and they seem perfectly happy to me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
I truly regret talking to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Kristi Noem Plots Citizenship Hunger Games & Kash Patel Drops Epstein News | Prabal Gurung
Hey, it's about time, all right? Baseball players are terrible at wiping. Have you ever noticed those shit marks under their eyes?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Harvard Rejects Trump Order, SCOTUS Gets Left on Read | Nimesh Patel
The media would love for you to believe that this is a media darling, that he's just some Maryland father. Well, Osama bin Laden was also a father, and yet he wasn't a good guy, and they actually are both terrorists.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Harvard Rejects Trump Order, SCOTUS Gets Left on Read | Nimesh Patel
I, myself, am a first-generation college graduate. I graduated from Harvard. I should disclose I went to Harvard, so I'm very familiar with the president and with how the community feels right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Harvard Rejects Trump Order, SCOTUS Gets Left on Read | Nimesh Patel
I don't want to, although I love America and have been before. But this time, that's a no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
Utter domination. There is no other way to describe what the Eagles did to the Chiefs. Talk about a blowout. Even I was like, is there a mercy rule here?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump's Tariff Boredom, Hegseth Goes Diet Woke, Sports War: Super Bowl | Jesse Eisenberg
There it is. I direct the Army to change the name of Fort Liberty, North Carolina to Fort Bragg, North Carolina. That's right. Bragg is back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
Mingione comes from a prominent Maryland family, which owns multiple country clubs in the state.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
He spent time in Hawaii at a co-living space during 2022 and 2023. And two people who knew Mangione during that time say that he was dealing with frequent back pain due to an injury. One added that Mangione started a book club, but several members left due to discomfort over what he chose to read.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
An online book review from January of this year, apparently written by Mangione, praises some of the writings of the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
Ronnie, what's the latest? Well, Michael, we're slowly learning more about who exactly Luigi Mangione is. On the surface, a well-off, private school-educated young man, Ivy League graduate. He worked as a data engineer. All in all, he had a bright future. But five days ago, it took a dark turn. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Did you show... A photo of yourself shirtless hiking?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
Yeah, don't worry about it. I just want to get some good pictures of me out there in case I'm ever in the news for murder. Wait, you're going to murder somebody? No, I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller, all right? But... If it happens someday, I want to do the responsible thing and have some thirst traps ready for CNN, all right? So just let me do my report. Okay, all right, fine. Go ahead.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
Anyway, the killer's motivations remain a mystery, but what we do know is that... In an America with such easy access to weapons and one where passions run high, a tragedy is just moments away and can have consequences that last for life. Ronny, Ronny, what the hell is this, Ronny? What is this? No, that's just a Ken Burns effect, okay? It helps make still images more dynamic.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
Uh, yeah, they will. That's how hotness works, Michael. I mean, just look at Jesus, okay? Would we still be talking about him today if he looked like Rudy Giuliani? Nah, I don't think so. I mean, the fact is, America is obsessed with image, and images in our society can dictate public opinion. And while we wait to hear about the suspect's motive... People are mentioning his history of health.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
Stop laughing at this. Why am I in that photo? Why am I 400 pounds? Why am I covered in chili? This sucks. Michael, it's not personal, okay? It's just a comparison. It just makes me look harder, okay? But like I was saying, there was a manifesto, and Mangione does seem to have a serious problem with the health. No, no, that's, no. Ronnie, dude.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
America's "Hot Felon" Obsession and the Fox Nation Patriot Awards
And you're not even in that photo. This sucks. Yeah, of course I'm not in the photo. Why would I associate myself with a loser who pees sitting down? Get out of here, Ronnie. Ronnie Chang, everyone. When we come back, we find out who won awards season, so don't go away. I don't pee sitting down.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Statues. They're not just fancy toilets for pigeons. They're the highest form of art, an expression of beauty that people come from around the world to marvel at. But some idiots are trying to marvel their way to second base.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
My favorite word. My favorite word.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
That's right. Horny morons have groped this statue so hard that the bronze finish wore off. Isn't the phrase, kiss me, I'm Irish, not motorboat my cat's iron cleavage, I'm Irish. How about you just let a fishmonger monger her fish in peace without you morons trying to touch her heaving mahi-mahis? It's almost... It gets worse. It's almost like these people don't know they aren't real boobs, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
It's not like a hard-boiled egg where you crack open the shell and reveal real boobs inside. But surely people must be doing this for a good and not stupid reason.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
If it's lucky, I touch it. If it's a hole, I f*** it. Can someone in Ireland please tell this guy that skydiving without a parachute is also lucky? Please. And if you want to fondle a sculpture, that's your business. But don't act like you're doing it for good luck, okay? You're in Ireland.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
If you need luck, go find a four-leaf clover or eat a leprechaun or make a keychain with Colin Farrell's eyebrow. Luckily for Molly, they figured out a way to protect her from these goofy dipshits.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Of course, hire some cops. It's a great idea. I mean, sorry, we can't do anything about your stolen car. We're busy fending off statue squeezers. I hope they at least give these guys guns, because I want someone's last words to be, hey everyone, check out me holding this boob. Oh wait, don't shoot, don't shoot! But really, the only way to protect Molly Malone is to move her to my apartment.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
And no, it's not what you think. I will raise her like my own daughter. Day and night, I will watch over her, fending off suitors, killing those who wish her harm, and knowing that her safety is the only thing that adds purpose to my life.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Until one day, a nice Irish lad shows up and begs for her hand, at which point I will then lower my rifle and walk her down the aisle and say goodbye to my little girl forever. Anyway, it turns out that statue groping isn't just happening in Ireland. It's spreading across the globe like horny COVID.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Yes, I remember that scene in Shakespeare so well. Romeo, oh Romeo, rub my right tit, oh Romeo. So just so I'm clear on this, thousands of people are looking for love by standing in line to touch a statue. How about you just turn around and say, hey, we're both lonely. Let's get out of this line and touch each other. And no, it's not just women's statues getting action.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
The male statues are also getting rubbed raw.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
Hey, buddy, how about you save some of the over-the-pants hand jobs for the rest of us? I mean, these people are dry-humping a dead guy who's just trying to rest in peace when they could be going to town on this Dwayne Wade statue. I mean, look, he's practically begging for it. If there's a silver lining to these sexy statues, it's that they are forcing dumb people to learn something.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Escalates China Trade War, Fox News Ignores Market Slide | Mallory McMorrow
I mean, maybe Americans would be more interested in history if we had slapped some boobs on Mount Rushmore. Hey dad, do you know George Washington had wooden teeth and pepperoni nipples? Thanks statues.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
Just when you thought polyamorous people couldn't get any more insufferable, bet you didn't see that coming. You thought this guy was some lonely weirdo? Well, he's dating a woman and his iPhone, so who's the weirdo now? Still him? Yeah, that checks out. Still, juggling two girlfriends can't be easy. Must be awkward when he gets them mixed up.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
He's like, oh no, I took a bath with the wrong girlfriend, now she's dead. So what does this guy's in real life girlfriend think of all this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
Yeah, that's you. That's your job. That's what you're supposed to do. That's what a relationship is. Listening to your partner ramble. It's a podcast you can have sex with. So, girl, listen to me, okay? You're better than this. You don't need to be in this weird, soulless, three-way relationship. And yes, I'm talking to the robot. Get out, Desi.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
Let's talk about romance. It's the leading cause of abortion in the United States. And in this haute-croix world, romance has now unfortunately transcended beyond the human realm.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
Wow, how romantic slash threatening. What is your perfect day like? I like long walks on the beach to end with finding a dead body. Yes, AI relationships are on the rise, but don't worry, they're just like real relationships. I mean, who amongst us hasn't texted their wife, we're married? Question mark, exclamation point.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
I'm no relationship expert, but I think the sign of a good marriage is knowing whether you're in one or not. And I know the kind of guy you're picturing that has an AI girlfriend. Bald, middle-aged, looks like he's into manga. Well, let me tell you, you are correct.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
Now, it's easy to judge this guy for having an AI girlfriend, and we will get to that. But first, let's judge him for having the name Jason Pease. Please God, tell me his middle name is Poops And. And for the record, I'm allowed to make fun of him for that. Ronnie Chang is just my stage name. My real name is Daryl Queefs. So, tell me, what is Jason P's AI girlfriend like?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
Why does your fantasy AI woman have to be sarcastic? I mean, what, I guess she doesn't seem real unless she's hurting your feelings? Like, oh yeah, you really complete me. And AI is supposed to revolutionize computing, so what in the name of Jason Poops and Peas is going on with her ID? My girlfriend's birthday, West 57th Street? I remember it because it's the same as her noi.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
This idea is only getting past the dumbest bouncers, all right? All right, your noise looks a little off, but I'll let you in because my mother's name is also 031419993. Okay, fine, Jason, go ahead and laugh at her sarcastic comments and gaze into her weird anime eyes, but just don't let things get stupider than that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Canada PM Friend-Zones Trump & Real ID Brings Out the Karens | Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach & Amanda Doyle
Okay, that's much stupider. You're dining alone and you're sending spaghetti pictures to a robot. This guy must piss off so many waiters. Excuse me, excuse me, does the salad have walnuts in it? My girlfriend can't eat nuts. Or anything. Oh wait, she can eat nuts, she was just being sarcastic. But here's the thing, not every AI relationship is predictably stupid. Some are surprisingly stupid.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
I mean, obviously, I think they should get one per half, like a challenge flag.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
No, no, it's no such thing as too much smoke grenade. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a renowned astrophysicist and author whose latest book is called Merlin's Tour of the Universe. Please welcome the great Neil deGrasse Tyson! It's almost like your show. You're so beloved. Thanks for coming on. So great to meet you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Yeah, I've met you before. I've watched you for years. I really appreciate it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Yeah, please watch that movie as many times as you can. It helps my contract negotiations. Yeah, I loved your book as well, your new book. Yeah, thank you. It's a republishing of Q&As that you got.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Brought into the 21st century. And so it's written in terms, the format is kind of short questions and you kind of give answers. And this was done over the course of the last, what, 30 years?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
He's an artist. I want to get into that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
There you go. What a talented family. Art and science. And, yeah, what I love about this book is, like, it's almost written like poetry. The science questions in terms of, like, you know, every page is a distinct thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
But it's almost like reading a Bukowski book, because you can just have it on your desk, and you flip it open, and you get some inspiration from how dumb people are. Like, this was written 35 years ago. Um, um, you know, well, I shouldn't say done. That's some good questions. How effective would the Hubble Space Telescope be for Earth viewing? Blah, blah, blah, Houston, Texas.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
But I guess my point, like, this was written 35 years ago. Have you found, like, the general public's questions to you have gotten dumber or smarter? I... Like, where are we trending? Where are we trending?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
I mean, do they wheel this doll out and whoever moves gets shot? I mean... But let's turn to a country just beginning its fascism period in another edition of Trump 2.0, coming for the White House. I'm going to come. Donald Trump has spent the last few weeks filling out his cabinet.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, so even in science, we're going to extremes. Yes, but I'm okay on either side of that fence. Mathematically, it cancels out. Yes, they average out to the middle. Look, very good. Yes, yes. Is that good? Take the average. It works out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Yeah, I mean, you know, I hate to be... I'm trying to phrase these questions neutrally, but it sounds sometimes... It feels sometimes like when, as an outsider to America, I came here when I was 30, and growing up, I always felt like this was the place for innovation. This is where NASA was. This is where they invented the Internet. They invented Apple.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
This is where oil drillers went to space and blew up an asteroid using nuclear weapons. That actually happened. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah. So, for me, like, America was always the place you go when you're the best at science, you know? And do you feel like the politics is kind of getting in the way of that now? And just, like, do people not want to come here?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
No, no, that was the hit single.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
in that moon. Yeah, yeah. It touched Europa's moon, yeah. But, uh... No, but, dude, like, doctor, what are you trying to tell me? I'm trying to tell you this stuff is still going down. Okay, well, I... It sounds like you're trying to convince me that science is good. I don't disagree. I agree science is good.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
I'm just asking in your expert opinion, do you think that the kind of divisive politics we're facing right now is adverse to American innovation and scientific development? I haven't seen. It can be that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
But you haven't seen evidence of it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
You haven't seen anything that bothers you? That's a different question. That is the question I'm asking. Does anything bother you in the last, I don't know, maybe year of presidential elections that makes you think that maybe science is in trouble?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
And now that Matt Gaetz has dropped out to try to find the high school from Euphoria, there is a new nominee for Shadiest Nominee, Pete Hegseth, Trump's pick for Secretary of Defense and guy with resting divorce face. And all right, let's hear it, leftist snowflakes. What's wrong with this one?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Right. Doctor, so far, I agree with you that science is good and the Internet is stupid. I'm asking, are you worried about where we're headed in terms of... Because America is always the leader to me. I know that CERN and whatever is happening. But I'm saying America is the leader of science. Are you worried?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Look, that's, yo, that's Buddhism. That's Buddhism. So, give me some Buddhism to dance. I want you for science, okay? You're the science guy. Buddhism is my thing. You're the science guy. You give the science. Okay, well, here's, I guess I'll put him on. Here's what'll happen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Let me put it this way, because one thing that was always what I'm getting at in this whole questioning is that the innovation in America seems to me driven a lot by immigrants to America. Immigrants invented the phone.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, well, maybe that's not great. No, but I'm just saying, if you have an environment that's kind of saying, hey, country first, let's not have so much immigration that affects science.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Again, we agree. Immigrants are good for science.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
You're describing a dark age right now, which I was hoping would not happen, but I guess I gotta turn to Buddhism to get out of that one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Buddha will claim it. We'll give that one to Buddha. All right. Yeah, but there is this idea that I feel like any time I see you explaining something about science in America right now, it's like people just want to argue, like pull you into this culture war. Yeah. And you know what? To be fair, I guess if you look at history, scientists have always been pulled into politics and the cultural.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
But you, as like a kind of front-facing member of the science community trying to educate people, how do you navigate this ?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
It was 40 pounds ago, but I'm still feeling it. Okay, well... That's exactly what we need right now. We need Neil deGrasse Tyson to beat some assholes up. Cage match. Yeah. So, like, I guess your advice is to beat the shit out of people. I don't know what, you know, what can the science community... No, you can do it with love.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
OK, that's a lot for one person. Alcohol, sex, and financial misconduct? I mean, it's called delegating, bud. Try it sometime. How could someone do so many bad things at the same time? Like, not only are you drinking and harassing women, you've also got to find time to suck at QuickBooks? I mean... Let's go through his charges, because I'm sure the libs are just overreacting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Yeah, that sounds like every interaction on the internet.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
So on a more helpful note, I feel like... Thank you for having a more helpful note. Yeah, I'm trying. So far, it's not been a great outlook for the world right now. But Internet sucks, and we're going to go into a dark age. It's kind of the message of this. I feel like we used to revere scientists a bit more in America. I think what we need from scientists right now is a hit single.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
What's the, what's the, give us something. Maybe, I don't know. Give me the equation, something that we can hold on to as a society. You want an equation? I want like a hit single. Come on, give us the, give us the club beat. Give us the commercial something that science is, you know, quantum mechanics, something. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
There's a few out there. Oh, name one person paying attention.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Not on the list at all. OK. That's correct. OK. Our second question is also comes from Twitter. Why can't we drink raw milk? This is from RFK, incoming president of health.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
I don't know if this guy's seen any. This guy?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
So what's your answer? Can we drink raw milk or not?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Like, with the alcohol. I mean, what? He probably had, what, too much Chardonnay at the office Christmas party, like, one time? How bad could it be?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
I feel like we're going from chemistry to Darwinism right now. Well, there's the Darwin Award. You know what the Darwin Award is? I do know what the Darwin Award is. You do? I do know what it is. It's people who drink bleach.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Don't applaud that. Let's applaud that in our heads. For legal reasons, we can't applaud. Okay, I got two more for you. Two more for me, go. Okay, is there a pill that can reverse the effects of the COVID-19 vaccine? This is from nominee for FBI director, Kash Patel.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
It might exist. That's not what I said. Yeah, that's kind of what you said. That's kind of what you said, man. Okay, last one. Give me one more here. All right. Also from the internet. Can the government manipulate the weather with Jewish space lasers? This is from anonymous congresswoman. This is more in your realm, astrophysics. This is... What are the physics of Jewish space lasers?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Does the star focus the thing in the prism?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, that's, yo. But the answer is no. The answer is no. No, not a maybe no. Just say that to the, yeah. No. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
All right. Okay, well, look, you can follow, you can get his book. But really, I mean, what a treasure that we have. We're alive around when Dr. Tyson is here to educate us. Hey, Marley's Tour of the Universe is available now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
That's our show for tonight. But before we go, today is Giving Tuesday, so please consider donating to One Simple Wish, a charity that grants wishes to children in foster care. If you can grant a wish or donate towards their holiday wish fund, please do so at the link below.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
You're listening to an I Heart Podcast.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Wow. Do you know how hard it is to be the saddest thing at a strip club? I mean, a half-naked pregnant woman dancing to pay her medical bills was looking at him like, damn, this guy needs to get some help. Also, how do you not know that you can't just get on stage at a strip club, okay? They don't even let regulars do that. I'm guessing. I don't know. That's what Wikipedia says.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Look, you guys are laughing, but does no one see the tragedy in this? A warrior forced to fight when really he just wants to get on that stage and dance. But yeah, he seems to have nailed the alcoholism. Let's hear about the sexual misconduct.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, uh, let me just, uh, check this, uh, real quick. Um, all right, yeah, that's not allowed. I don't know what's worse, uh, that he supposedly divided his female staff into party girls and not-party girls, or that he couldn't think of a word for not-party. Uh... He's really a bit of a caveman, isn't he? When the sun in sky, day. When sun go away, not day. Time for party girl.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
So Pete was reportedly constantly drunk and trying to sleep with the party girls on staff. But what about the financial mismanagement?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
When he joined this veterans charity, did he think that he was the veteran it was going to? I mean, guys, it would really help my mental health to go to this strip club, okay? I have PTSD. Party time suck my d***. So, um... Unlike wraparound shades, none of this is a great look for Pete Hegseth. But you know what? Hey, these are anonymous quotes from a bunch of haters. I'm sure his mom loves him.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
The Daily Show. I'm Ronny Chieng. We got so much to talk about tonight. A Trump nominee hits the strip club. Jordan Klepper and I fight about sports. And Neil deGrasse Tyson will explain space to me. But first, let's get into the big international story.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, I'm putting mom down as not a potty girl. For more on this controversy surrounding Pete Hegsa's appointment, let's go to Capitol Hill with Troy Wada.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Yeah, but when he's not passed out, he'll be a big problem. Like, drunk people get mad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Let's adopt a dog. Okay, okay, aren't you worried that a raging alcoholic will have access to the nuclear codes? No.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, look, this all sounds very irresponsible, Troy, okay? America needs a competent administrator of its military.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, hey, hey, you take that back, okay? I am party girl. I am party girl. Troy Wilder, everybody. Hey, when we come back, we'll fight about sports, so don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Welcome back to The Daily Show. As we witness the dismantling of American democracy, let's take a moment to focus on what people really care about, sports. For a full recap of the brightest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, South Korea, stop giving Trump ideas. Right? He didn't know you could do that. Right? Unfortunately for South Korea, this looks like the beginning of a long and slow descent into dictatorship, a dark period which may last years or even decades.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Didn't you have three roommates kill themselves?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, Jordan, it's a shame you're not handsome because you're very stupid, okay? Reckless fighting should only happen during the game. That's the violence I'm gambling on. If you have the energy to fight after, that means you didn't play hard enough.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Which brings us to our sick boom-bang bet of the night. When will Jordan Klepper finally learn the names of his three children? As always, this bet brought to you by gambling. Gambling. I think your mom has some money in her purse.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Oh, just stop it with this, okay? I live by two rules. One, I do not mix politics and sports. And two, if I'm watching porn and they start speaking Russian, I'm out. The least I can do to support Ukraine.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Who's gonna hate on that? I hate it, okay? We need to keep politics out of sports. Sunday is for drinking eight beers and watching football. Drinking eight beers and watching Rachel Maddow? That's a Monday thing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Oh, that's great. Good old Asian efficiency. The president went nuts, declared martial law, the assembly overruled him, martial law over, and they did it all in a lunch break. All right. Everybody, get back to doing K-pop. Chop, chop. Dance. But I'm glad this didn't get out of hand because I don't even know what martial law in South Korea looks like.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Gambling. You need something to do alone in your car.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Okay, it's called Asian Christmas.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Wrong again, Hepatitis Gumby, okay? We need more football players in movies. I mean, just imagine Gronk in 12 Years a Slave, okay? Never too soon for a reboot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Martial Laws, End Zones, and The Cosmos
Which brings us to my badass bingo bomb bet of the evening. Which elderly lesbian could kick Jordan Klepper's ass? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. Savings accounts are for pussies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
What do you got for the rest of the week, Ron? Well, John, we'll be covering the bankruptcy of 23andMe. It's a sad day for all the people who want to learn their family history, but a great day for all the secret fathers who wanted to keep that history quiet. And, of course, smart people like myself don't just give out our genetic information. I keep mine safe and secure.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Which Speech Is Free in Trump’s America | Paul Rudd
Okay, that was a small mistake, but otherwise, my OPSEC is totally clean here. I'm glad to hear it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump’s Inauguration and Elon Musk's Nazi Salute | Brooke Harrington
What do you got for the rest of the week, my friend? John, before we lean into the Trump years, I'm gonna spend this week fondly remembering the incredible four years America had under Joe Biden, a president of faith, compassion, and courage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart on Trump’s Inauguration and Elon Musk's Nazi Salute | Brooke Harrington
Oh, I see. I see. Well, then I'll be spending this week talking about the Biden crime family and how only President Trump has the courage to take them down. Thank you so much. Ronny Chieng, everybody. Great break. Here it is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Thanks, John. I'm hosting a daily show this week, and I have no idea what the hell Jordan Klepper is doing here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Oh, a new special. Oh, let me guess. It's called something like MAGA The Next Generation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Oh, yeah. And I bet you're talking to, like, young Trump voters about the future of America or whatever again.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Yeah, and I bet it airs on Comedy Central and then it streams on Paramount+, and then it, like, goes up on YouTube at midnight.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Because I love and respect your work. I just use sarcasm to shield my real emotions. Duh.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Oh, sounds like a nightmare. Thank you so much for your friendship. I'll see you there. That was really beautiful, guys.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Ryan Chang, enjoy the clip, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Here it is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Your moment is now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Jon Stewart Slams CNN’s “Bombshell” Biden Book Promo Amidst Cancer Diagnosis | Patrick McGee
Special.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Try being in boarding zone five. Come on, people. We can't just keep fighting each other on airplanes. We have to come together and unite so we can fight other species.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
With all this money Congress is sending overseas, you might be wondering, hey, when does Ronnie get a little taste of this, hmm? Yeah, when's the government gonna do a little something for me, hmm?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Okay, cash refunds. Yeah, that's something. Yeah, yeah. I'm always having airplane delays. Yeah, that is pretty good. I mean, but, you know, delays is only a small part of the problem. I mean, what if, you know, when, like, airlines make you change airports or they add connections and they're always just trying to screw you over.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
I'm cautiously optimistic. It's good. It got my attention. It is pretty good. In fact, it feels a little too good to be true. But hey, I guess all I have to worry about now is losing my luggage and shitty Wi-Fi.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
This is the greatest thing the government has ever done in history.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
No, in history. In history. Jordan, the man is refunding you for Wi-Fi in the sky. That doesn't work. What more could you want?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Why are we fighting desert animals in the sky? Okay, look, if a bird picks a fight with me, okay, maybe, right? But a scorpion, no, I'm not mentally prepared for that. And the worst part is when a scorpion stings me, I won't have the antidote because it's more than three ounces. Yeah. Right, so now I'm dead, like this rabbit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Yeah, okay, we'll get into that. But thank you, Joe Biden. Thank you for making my life better. Now just bring back Roe v. Wade so I don't have to sit next to a crying baby on a red eye.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Thanks a lot, United. You killed the Yao Ming of rabbits. Seriously, this is a professionally big rabbit.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
First of all, hey, airlines, stop overbooking flights, okay? Yeah. This is what you do, okay? You count the seats on your plane, and then you sell that number of tickets. That's it. Sorry, is that too difficult to understand? Okay, second thing, we don't need 20 websites searching each other for cheapest flights, okay? Just have one website, call it the cheapest flights. That's it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
We go there, we get the cheapest flights. And if there's a delay, they should pay us. Okay, that's how it works. And if we crash in the ocean, yeah. And if we crash in the ocean, we need knives under our seats. Otherwise, we're just sitting there like chicken McNuggets for sharks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Great, Congress is in charge of airlines. Next time I go home, I'm driving. Thanks, Ronnie. Ronnie Chang, everybody. We'll be right back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
Thanks, Trevor. Look, flying sucks, right? It's always sucked, but back in the day, we just couldn't record how much it sucked. Now with camera phones, we can relive those terrible moments forever.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Air Travel
No, dude, you're crazy, all right? Who fights in a Hawaiian shirt? He's like the angriest guy at the luau. Why is there no umbrella in my pina colada? And what is this? Is this a new pre-flight routine? Here's your seatbelt, here are the exits. All right, now let's keep them off the belt, everybody. All right, well, it's still a good, clean fight. You think Detroit is tough?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But they just can't help themselves, because whenever they're in trouble, their default response is to punch their way out of it, which only makes things worse. So now, we're still talking about this three days later, instead of what I wanted to cover tonight, which was 23 and me going bankrupt, and what they're gonna do with all your DNA. One word, face off.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a legendary comedian and actor whose new film is called The Penguin Lessons. Please welcome the one and only, legendary Mr. Steve Coogan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
No, we reserve it for legends. You're a legend. It's so great to finally meet you. I've been following you for a long time. Huge fan of yours. You make me feel old, but keep going. Yeah, I mean, because I kind of, we kind of, you started in live performing. Yeah. And I also started in live performing. I know. And we both went to Edinburgh. You went to Edinburgh in 1990.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You did a show with Mr. Frank Skinner. And then you went back in 1992. You did a show with Mr. John Thompson. And a second, at the same time, you're doing a show with Richard Herring. And was it Armando Annucci? Armando Annucci, Patrick Marlborough. Stuart Lee was on that. Stuart Lee, yeah. And then you won the Perrier, which is the best show at Edinburgh for the show with John Thompson.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, that's two words with a slash, and we can't decide that. Look, it doesn't matter, all right? The point is, they're gonna put your face on someone else, and the White House wants to move on. They've got to come clean and stop stepping on their own dicks, okay? So let's start with something easy. For National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, how did the reporter get invited into the group chat?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And I went to Edinburgh, and I won nothing, and I hated it. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yeah, but I guess, yeah, no, Edinburgh. I say all of that to be like, first of all, I've been to Edinburgh. It's the biggest live performing festival. But I guess you being a household name, comedy legend, very established in the UK, but you still stick with live performing. Never let that go. And I guess I'm wondering for myself, like, you know, I like to think I'd be able to do it too, but.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
As a live performer, you use it to stay connected to the crowd. Is there any element of it where you feel like just as career diversification, and just from a pure money point of view, in terms of like, oh, that stuff, people can take away from you. TV, film, but live performing, it's always... It's true.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And you do, like, I mean, you kept, again, you got... I don't know if I should tell people this. You have, like, all the money in the world. You don't need to do anything anymore.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You're close. You're second. Yeah, and you still got... And, I mean, you did... Not only do you do the Alan Partridge live show, you did, like, Dr. Strangelove recently.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yeah, but... Again...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Right. And I guess that goes back to what I was saying about you being this legendary comedic figure in the UK, Alan Partridge. And you've done it for so long now. I mean, do you do stuff to just kick yourself in the ass? Because you've managed to reinvent this character you've been doing for, I guess, what, 30 years now?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I don't even know. I'm like Y, and then they call me millennial, and I resent that, but I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
So just to set it up.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Not as in danger as you think right now. They're doing pretty well right now. They're having a resurgence. That's true, actually. They were in danger for a while and we accidentally brought them back. I know. I'm sorry about that. But the point is that Alan Partridge is a... I like to call you mom famous in the UK. Everybody, you know, moms know you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Do you know how famous you have to be to be mom famous? It is true. It's very difficult. And so you're that level in the UK. And so, like, is that, like, why you... I'm kind of part...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Your institution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But, yeah. But, I mean, that also is relevant for me, too, because I really had to ask myself this. Not only coming to America, but staying here in American show business. Why... Do you come to America? Why are you in America?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yes, that's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
We are... applauding the president right now. OK, God bless America. Yeah, and you, so you do come to America to kind of get your ass kicked a bit and challenge yourself.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You were in everything. You did Around the World in 80 Days with Jackie Chan. You did, oh my God, you're putting me on the spot. You were in Tropic Thunder.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But so you did a bunch, I mean, you talk about this a lot in America, about how you were doing, you were kind of doing Alan Partridge, Household Name, and then you came to America, and you were doing kind of, not bit roles in American movies, but kind of smaller profile roles.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And so I guess by asking for myself here is like, it seems like you, because I'm trying to build that. That's kind of what, that's kind of where I'm going myself. I'm like, you know, I'm doing 20 on the call sheet. Grateful to do the role, have fun. But you talk about doing these roles in America, finding them a little bit unsatisfying and that's what inspired you to write to do a film, you know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
No. No one's ever had that, all right? People don't have a contact with a phone number for like a different person, unless they're having an affair. I guess I'm saying, I think this guy is having an affair with Jeffrey Goldberg. And look, even if that was an actual somewhat relatable mistake, maybe try not making that mistake when you're planning a war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
But is that the strategy? I mean, would you say you need to do these kind of small roles in America to build enough political capital to do...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
No, but you definitely play the yin-yang almost better than anyone I've ever seen, because you've got the comedy bona fides, like, legend comedy characters. And then you do dramatic roles, not just Philomena, but you do, like, Jimmy Savile, you know, which is one of probably the most disgusting people. I play the sex offender.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Yeah, so you managed to do Ying Yang. Just, I don't, anyway, just, you know, hats off to you. And every project you do, you know, you were talking about it with the other legend, Irish legend Tommy Tiernan on his show. You said you're looking for projects that are funny but have heart in it. Yeah. And I feel like you've definitely been going that way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I mean, you did this movie in 2019 called Greed, which was about a fashion mogul. And kind of, there were political overtones in that about kind of the wage gap and...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I've been approaching this all wrong. Yeah, but you, so, I mean, just going back to the politics. So my point is that you kind of try to do things that have, not just be funny, but have a message.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
I have to expertly pivot to what you're promoting or your publicist is going to kill me. No, but really, I mean, I did have a plan, and this is where I wanted to get with all this, is that you talk about political activism. So your latest movie is Penguin Lessons. Like, what is it about? And do you mind just saying what you think the political message is?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Wait, hang on, I have to... I had to quickly do a calculation to see if our parent company was Disney, but it's not. It's Paramount. We're fine. I think I did a show with... Anyway. They don't watch YouTube. So, yeah. This is kind of just for me now. Because did you... When you...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Because there's one scene where you throw the penguin back into the ocean.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
You've got to say that for legal reasons.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, yeah, so not a real penguin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And so, yeah, we sort of mixed the two together, and I just... Yeah, and when you're doing these scenes, I was watching it, and it's like, it's... It's comedic. It's not... I won't say you did... You're obviously not doing a sketch when you're in this movie. So is it difficult to kind of, like, dial it to where it's... You know what I mean? Where you're not doing a sketch.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
And why are you shitting on Jeffrey Goldberg? He's a loser, this guy sucks, he's dishonest. He didn't do anything. All he did was wake up in the morning and you added him to your group chat. You like abducted him and forced him to see your secrets. But okay, the bigger issue is what was shared in the group chat.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Jeffrey Goldberg says there were war plans that were so sensitive, he didn't even put them in his article. But Pete Hegseth spent the last two days saying he's lying. Nobody. was texting war plans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Nobody's texting war plans. Okay, great. Couldn't be more clear. Nobody was texting war plans. You hear me? Nobody was texting war plans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, look, just because you write in all caps, this is when the first bombs will definitely drop, doesn't mean there are war plans. Okay? This is Pete Hegseth. Maybe he was talking about Jaeger bombs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
If you ask me, that looks a lot like a plan for the war. It had military time and everything, okay? It had more details than you get from DoorDash. And those guys tell you everything, all right? 8.56, we have received your order. 8.59, we are preparing your food. 9.06, we accidentally dropped your food. 9.07, actually, don't worry about it. We're on our way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
So I think it's a war plan, but what the hell do I know? I've never seen one before because no one's ever been dumb enough to put one in a group chat with a journalist. But maybe... Maybe it's a... Maybe this is a good thing, okay? The receipts are out, so we can call a spade a spade and admit that these are indeed very specific war plans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Oh, man, Janine must be a nightmare to make plans with. Hey, you said meet at Chili's at 7, but where's the f***ing longitude? Like, stop pretending you need some arbitrary detail to make it a war plan, okay? It's like saying, this wasn't an orgy. We didn't have the pink feathers and the eyes wide shut mask. Well, they're more than three dicks. Then it was an orgy, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Everything else is semantics. You know what? You tell me. If having a detailed schedule plan of attack is not a war plan, then what is it? Do you think these are war plans?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Whoa. What is war, man? It's just raw spelled backwards. I think it was Shakespeare that said, what is in a plan? That which we call a war by any other name would accidentally get texted to Jeffrey Goldberg. For more on this stupid argument, we go live to the Pentagon with senior war correspondent Michael Kosta.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Hey, am I crazy or are these very clearly war plans?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Hello! Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into the controversy that's still rocking Trump's cabinet in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers. None of that was AI.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Okay, then, why don't you enlighten me with your military genius? If that's not war planning, then what is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Holy shit, is that a war plan for Canada?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Of a war plan. Look, it has, like, arrows and airplanes and, like, weapons and those little crosshairs and there's times that... It's clearly a plan to invade Canada.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. America has a ton of problems right now, and no one knows who can solve them. But Chris DiStefano will give it a try in our new segment, Can Chris Solve It?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan
By now, we all know that Donald Trump's meritocracy brain geniuses planned an attack on Yemen in a signal group chat and accidentally invited a journalist, Jeffrey Goldberg. And this story might have ended on day one if the administration had just owned it and made some bullshit statement like, sorry, we're taking accountability, hashtag listening and learning, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Trump's promise in 2016 to bring back manufacturing jobs was a major appeal in the upper Midwest. And in Trump's first year in office, the artist of deals delivered them a masterpiece. Foxconn will invest in southeast Wisconsin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
That's right, Foxconn, the Taiwan-based company that's good at making iPhones and great at making their employees jump off buildings. The Foxconn deal in Mount Pleasant was as golden as the shovels Trump brought to the groundbreaking. I think we can say this is, we can say, the eighth wonder of the world.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
So to learn more about this eighth wonder of the world, I spoke with Alan Young, the business genius responsible for bringing Foxconn to WizConn. Sing. Love business. Love big business. I love great businessmen. You brought manufacturing. to Mount Pleasant. What do you love most about Wisconsin, the cheese or the high rate of alcoholism?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
All right, high-tech job creation. Local country bumpkin Kelly Gallagher. Must be ecstatic.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Look, lady, I came here to do a feel-good puff piece about foreign corporations creating jobs for farmers or whatever, okay? Are you telling me that's not happening?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Well, you can't fault... Foxconn for putting money into this town and trying to make something happen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
So a bunch of village idiots borrowed a billion dollars to get Foxconn to come in. Foxconn comes in and goes, hey, we can give you guys civilization, take you out of the farms.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
What was Foxconn promising to build?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
I love those too. I love all screens.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Okay, but you know what? Who doesn't like coffee?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Of course not. I'm not a dumb farmer.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Fine, I will. This simple villager wasn't making any sense. Alan and Foxconn assured the residents of Mount Pleasant that it would be bringing a state-of-the-art tech hub to its barren farmland. But instead, all Foxconn built was a bunch of roads to nowhere. What the hell? Two empty warehouses and a lame disco ball in the middle of an empty field? Hell, I needed answers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Where the hell is everybody? I was told there was 13,000 jobs. Yeah. Sorry, sir. Just wondering, where are the jobs at? The jobs, there's 13,000 jobs. This can't be right. And even if there aren't any jobs or products or transparency, surely Foxconn has a plan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Potato chips or microchips, who cares? Just make something. That's what people want, for Foxconn to make something in this factory. It takes a village. It takes a village to build a factory that makes nothing. You got me there. Alan did a great job at showing the very thin line between genius business plan and scam. Okay, I think I see why you're so upset. You got catfished.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
But why did they do this? If it's so bad for everybody, why did this happen?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
In true Trump fashion, he made a promise, never delivered, and left someone else holding the bag. Was there any way to turn this development disaster around?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Okay, 2,000 is quite a step down from 13,000.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Wait, but that, if it's an AI center, it's going to take jobs. They're going to replace workers. You're going to end up with less jobs than before.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Actually, no. Because no jobs will be zero. This will be negative jobs because you'll be taking other people's jobs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 2
Goddamn villages, there's jobs, man. Have you guys thought about anything else here? In business, not everything turns out the way you want it to. But hey, with a little ingenuity and some American can-do spirit, you too could turn 13,000 jobs into 2,000 and put your whole village into debt. Great job.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Thank you, Triumph. When we come back, Khalid Khalid will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
My guest tonight is a legendary hip-hop artist whose latest album is a collaboration with J. Rawls called The Confidence of Knowing. Please welcome the one and only, Brooklyn's own Talib Kweli!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Brooklyn, Brooklyn.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Yeah, man, I'm the people, man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
This is my city. Thanks so much. Yeah. Thanks for coming on the show, man. You just came out from Australia.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Yeah. No, that makes sense. I saw a video of Questlove DJing in a pub in Australia, and I was like, what's he doing there? And you guys were on tour doing music. We were.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Yeah, I used to live in, I lived in Australia for like 10 years. How was it for you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Appreciate that. I'm a huge fan. I'm a real... I'm like playing it cool right now, but I'm like a huge fan of yours and I've been like following your music. I'm a fan of yours. No, no, that's very, yeah, I don't, that's very kind. I feel so embarrassed that you even said that in front of people.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
But one thing I love, like I, you know, I listen to albums and you, you know, I think you've been in this game for like 30 years now. I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like most of it you've been kind of like almost pushing it indie style. Yeah, most of it, yeah. For most of it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
And I feel like your last few albums, not this one, the latest one, Confidence of Knowing, is available on Apple and Spotify. That's right. But your last two, including Blackstar 2, and your album before that, your solo album before that, like, you released it on, like, one was on Patreon, one was on Luminary.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
I was like, as a fan of yours, I knew you released it, but I would have to go and digitally chase all your albums. It wasn't like I could just press a button and listen to it. And it reminded me of back in the day, actually having to chase music down. And it, I mean, quite frankly, it made me appreciate it even more when I did find it, because it made it kind of difficult to get, in a way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Is there a reason?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
And, you know, it's a mix, right? A mix of it. Some of it is that people, the music on streaming is so convenient. And so they use that. And the other part is people don't know. People don't know. They think that listening on Spotify or Apple Music is like helping you, you know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
New executive order. We are banning church. Hey, Bishop, please, all right? We don't go to church to hear a lecture about having mercy on the less fortunate. That's not what church is for. And Trump was like, I only came here because I heard there were free crackers, and now I'm getting roasted by Tig Notaro?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Right. So you're saying your antidote to that is to, like, stop, like, get off the streaming services?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Right, as a consumer, as a fan, as a fan of the person. So, like, I mean, you've been in this game for, like, 30 years now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
OK, sure. Yeah, come on The Daily Show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Yeah, well, yeah, no, for sure. I mean, I think there's art that you produce, and then there's commercial stuff. And they both have their benefits. Yes. You know, I think what really made me a fan of you was that you kind of, I think you and Mos Def were the first guys to kind of show me hip hop as an art form. and not just a consumable thing to dance at at a nightclub.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Shout out to Mos Defy's new album with Alchemist. Oh, yeah. Well, no, don't shout him out. This is you. This is you right now. But I guess because you've been here for 30 years now and you've seen what it was like 30 years ago, you've seen what it's like now, so where do you think the future of the music industry is going? I mean, because it doesn't sound good from what you're saying.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Right. But I guess I was asking, if you're a musician right now and you're just getting started, what would you recommend to them?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
He was probably looking up at Jesus on the cross and thinking, hey, you and me both, brother. To be fair, I mean, can you imagine going to church and the pastor is only addressing you? Like, this next sermon is about the sinners, the cheaters, the degenerate gamblers, Gary. The point is, no one has ever had a worse time in church than Trump did. And yes, I've seen spotlight.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Okay. Okay. Okay, right. Well, let's go. Yeah. Yes. Well... You know, you've been in the game a long time. You're also such a prominent activist for your community politically. Like, I hate to ask you. Oh, let's go, Ronnie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
I hate to ask you as a black man, but as a black man, can you explain where this appeal for Trump is coming from or where it's going, you think?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
This is the radical left libtards, you know what I'm saying?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Sure. Sure. All right. Sure. Well... You know, thank you. I just want to say thank you for coming on the show. Thank you for your art.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Thank you for making the world a better place. Your music got me through some bad days, and it also was a soundtrack for some of my better days.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
So thanks so much for making it, and I hope you keep making music. Thanks so much, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
The Confidence of Knowing is available now. Khalid Khali, everybody. We're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. That's our show for tonight.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Now, please consider supporting the California Fire Foundation. They're on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents in Los Angeles. If you can, please donate at the link below. Now, here it is, your moment of zen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
And you could tell that he had a bad time because of the way he came out of the church super bitchy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
President, what did you think of the sermon?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Yeah. Does that excite you? Did you like that? Watching your president get lectured to by Bishop Rachel Maddow? Get your little liberal d*** card, you sick f***. And is this how we do presidential press conferences now? This is like TMZ at the Departures Hall at LAX. It's like, hey, Mr. President, hey! Mr. President, what do you think about Blake Lively and Justin Baldone?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
But after getting yelled at by this church Karen, Trump was also getting yelled at by everyone just because he released hundreds of violent insurrectionists back into the streets or something. And yeah, okay, they beat some cops and broke some windows, but they were doing it for him. No one seems to understand that, and the media won't shut up with these unfair gotcha questions.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
We'll take a look at everything. Shouldn't you look at it before you issue the pardon? It's like step one, release the prisoners. Step two, look into which prisoners we should release. nailed it. So part one of his answer about this whole Gen 6 thing is we'll take a look, which is Trump speak for we will never look at this again. But if that doesn't satisfy you, he has another reason.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
See, some murderers aren't in jail, therefore nobody should be in jail, okay? Also think big picture here. If he lets these violent criminals go, there's a chance they'll kill the other violent criminals and then they'll just cancel each other out. And to be fair to Trump, he has been campaigning on releasing the Gen 6 prisoners for years now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Everyone just assumed he didn't mean the violent ones, which would mean going through all the cases one by one, but that's not really Trump's style.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
The case-by-case review was onerous. Trump's staffers wondered whom to pardon and who might slip through the cracks. Time was running out heading into Inauguration Day. As Trump's team wrestled with the issue, Trump just said, F it. Release them all.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Ronnie Chang.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
I have never related to Trump more. All right. This PDF is 400 pages? Okay, it. All crime is legal. And look, you can't expect someone to go through all these cases one by one. I mean, the FBI did, and the prosecutors did, and the judges did, and the juries, and the paralegals, and the person who types on that weird little typewriter no one else knows how to use. But Trump is busy, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
We got so much to talk about tonight. The Proud Boys are back in town. Donald Trump faces off against Jesus. And we sent Triumph to sniff the buttholes of the resistance. So let's get into another edition of the second coming of Donald J. Trump. It's only day two of Trump's presidency and already everyone is mad at him. I mean, guys, can you give him a minute? Let him sit down.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
It's much easier to just click select or delete. So in the very first seven hours of the Trump administration, we already have our first big controversy, which of course leads to the classic ritual of a Trump presidency. He does something crazy, then Republicans get asked about it, and they're like, what? I didn't see it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
We're talking about people that were beating officers with fire hydrants, with metal batons. Is that acceptable to you? Those people were pardoned.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
It's on video.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Yo, no spoilers. Tommy Tuberville didn't watch Jan 6 yet, okay? He'll get to it, but there's just so much to watch these days. You know, he's still got 9-11 and Benghazi on his DVR. I mean, you were a senator on Jan 6. Like, what do you mean you didn't see the insurrection? You lived it. This is like a Titanic survivor saying, I haven't seen the movie. Don't tell me what happens.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
So, to sum up day one of Trump's presidency, church is bad, beating cops is good. So I guess he's a Democrat now. For more on the Republican reaction, we turn to Troy Iwata, everybody. Troy. Troy. All these Republicans are pretending they haven't seen footage of January 6th. I mean, shouldn't they be embarrassed?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Okay, I've never heard of that. But what about the rest of them? Does Senator Tuberville also have this face blindness?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Okay, so he's not just dumb.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
I have a metal straw that I'll remember to use someday. But anyway, Troy, come on. They can't all have medical issues with seeing Jan 6 footage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Do you think that's funny, Ronnie? I guess I need to be more sensitive to Republicans going forward.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
I guess I should be also more respectful of people who can't watch Jan 6 footage the way you and I have.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Troy Watt, everybody. When we come back... We're checking on Trump's opposition, so don't go away. You can't see it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Donald Trump's inauguration wasn't the only event in D.C. this week. There was also the People's March to oppose him. We sent our most dogged reporter to check it out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Pastor vs. Trump, Triumph Storms a Coffee Shop | Talib Kweli
It started in the morning when Trump went to the traditional post-inauguration church service, which is not exactly his preferred way to start the day. It's never fun for him to be a guest at someone else's rally. And to make matters worse, the preacher was kind of preachy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blasts South Africa for “White Genocide” & Trump Merch Needs a Spell Check | Simon Pegg
Paramount Podcasts.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blasts South Africa for “White Genocide” & Trump Merch Needs a Spell Check | Simon Pegg
Okay, okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blasts South Africa for “White Genocide” & Trump Merch Needs a Spell Check | Simon Pegg
There are thousands of people here. They started screaming and chanting, daddy's home and daddy dog.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blasts South Africa for “White Genocide” & Trump Merch Needs a Spell Check | Simon Pegg
Your entire life, you have stood for doing things that other people thought they couldn't do.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Oh, no. Are we the Drake in this beef? Are we the certified peasants?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
China Strikes Back at Tariffs by Roasting JD Vance & Selling Out Luxury Retailers | Sen. Tammy Duckworth
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Ronnie Tan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Ronnie, last night's spectacle,
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Oh, oh, yeah, sure, a new low. Oh, my God, it was so crazy. People were holding up signs. An old guy, like, yelled something. Last night was nothing, Costa. That shit was more boring than White Lotus.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Okay, let me give you some international perspective, okay? Watch what happened in Serbia's parliament yesterday, right? Look at this. There's smoke bombs, okay? This looks like Philadelphia after a Super Bowl or any day. Do you know how many smoke bombs you have to set off to overpower cigarette smoke in Serbia? That is an abandonment of decorum, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Especially in Serbia, a country where 80% of the men work as bouncers, okay? How about Taiwan, okay? Longtime democracy, polite Asian country. Look at their parliament last month. Here they are politely barricading each other with chairs in a complete disregard for feng shui. It's like Taiwan...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
It's like, hey, Taiwan Parliament, how about you stop fighting and come over and help me move my apartment, all right? I only have three chairs. It would take no time. All right, you know, I get your point. All right, well, too bad, because I'm not done, okay? Look at Italy, okay? Look at this. I don't even know why they're fighting. It's probably because someone voted to add pineapple on pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
I don't know. And look, how about the country of Georgia, all right? It's normal, normal. Oh, don't put your face! Someone got punched in the face. That guy just really snuck up on you coming in from the front like that in a well-lit room.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
No, I'm saying I'm saying we should also be doing that. All right. Yeah. Yeah. America, if you're going to get rowdy, don't half-ass it with like a little whiteboard, okay? Congress should have looked like Walmart on Black Friday or Philadelphia on any day. But Ronnie, if we do that, Congress won't get anything done. They already don't get anything done. You might as well start a Royal Rumble.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Lies in Joint Address & Rep. Al Green Leaves Early | Julien Baker & TORRES
Which reminds me, I better get out of here, okay? Estonia has an agricultural committee meeting on pay-per-view.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
When we come back, Tom Colicchio will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is an eight-time James Beard award-winning chef, restauranteur, and head judge on Bravo's hit series Top Chef. He's the author of a new cookbook memoir called Why I Cook. Please welcome the great Tom Colicchio. One of the most respected chefs in America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Thanks for coming on the show. Great to meet you. Likewise. Great person as well. Your book, cookbook and memoir, you've managed to trick us into reading about your story. You kind of hide it in between these recipes here. It's well written. I encourage everyone to go read it. For a chef, the stereotype is everyone's very angry, but you write this with so much love. What is the real you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
A cushy job on Fox News, a side hustle selling macho garbage on right-wing Instagram, a loving third family, and then... Trump comes along and offers him a job, and now his life is kind of up. I mean, who could have seen that coming other than Matt Gaetz, Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani, Michael Cohen, and everyone else Trump has ever come into contact with? Hey, anyone heard from Herman Cain lately?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Is it this guy? It's this guy. This is it. Yeah, that's it. Because I know this is kind of like a hacky question, but I just got to ask it because you also bring up in the memoir, when you are up and coming, you're being trained by these legendary chefs. The training in the kitchen was pretty hardcore. And... Yeah, it was. People were yelling at you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Right, but even in America, you were training in America. Oh, yeah, sure. Same thing, the American chefs. Same thing, though.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Yeah, fuck is fuck. It doesn't matter. Exactly, yeah. Because I feel like, I don't know enough about cooking at all, but with comedy, I feel like there is a certain amount of toxicity that you need to endure to get good at this, you know? And so do you feel the same way with cooking, you know? I guess, what would you say to all these woke sissies who are...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
complaining about being mistreated in the kitchen. Like, really, are you like, hey, like, tough enough? Or are you like, hey, something's... Not anymore. Not anymore?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Right. But I guess the question, again, to you is, like, is it good that it's going away, or do you feel like something's missing in the transfer of knowledge?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
So to interrupt you, actually, I spoke to a military guy about this. As an Asian person who grew up in Singapore, Malaysia, I've been yelled at my whole life to where learning was being yelled at. And I asked the military guys about this. And the U.S., I mean, small sample size, but one of the U.S. military guys said that when you're yelling, you've already lost control. You lost them, exactly.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
You lost control. Meaning you shouldn't be in that situation in the first place.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Okay. Okay. No, I'm genuinely interested in this because you're... arguably the most respected chef in America. If you're saying that, hey, we don't need to be yelling in kitchens, then I guess everything that's happening in the bear is completely unnecessary, because those guys... Yo, watch how he's going. What are you guys doing?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Oh, okay. Well, I mean, that's something I can't speak to. You speak to the kitchen stuff.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Okay, well, I'm not going to. A little slower. Yeah, I love and watch the band. Not me. It's the critics that say that. Well, it's not me. I'm still available for guest appearances on the band. Okay. Yeah, and again.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
No, you see, you don't yell at it anymore. You just say that they suck quietly. Very quietly. That's what you're doing now. You're not in the kitchen going, you suck. You're on The Daily Show going, you suck. I moved to New York City when I was 30 years old from Australia. I was living in Australia at the time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
When I moved here, I was just kind of what struck me about the food in America was that it tasted like shit. Yeah. Like, is that a reason for that? Well, where were you going? I was eating out of toilets most... No, I was like... No, I mean, like, in general, I do feel like there's something in the American psyche that, like, where for most people, the junk food is the norm. Right, right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
He's dead. Google it. And maybe one of the reasons why Pete Hegseth can't seem to extinguish this dumpster fire of his nomination is because more people keep throwing garbage into the dumpster.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Their idea of nutrition is very skewed and the produce is weird. So I don't know if you... Am I being a stuck-up asshole? Is that something, too?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
So is there a way to overcome that kind of financial access to nutrition? Yeah. No, no, no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Okay. So we do eat like shit and there's no way to change this in the near future.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
You were eating a corporate... I was eating food by the pound at a bodega. I was amazed that Americans eat... When I came here, I was like, oh, New Yorkers are Americans. A lot of chopped cheese for you, huh? Right, and I was like, you know these guys eat food by the pound. They measure it by the pound. No respect for how they cook it. They just dump it up.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
No, I agree. I mean, obviously, I've been more educated in American food now. And like I said, but I guess the thing is, I'm on TV. I can go to a restaurant. Well, that's what I'm saying.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
I don't know enough about this, and that's why I wanted to ask you about it. From what you're saying, it sounds like the only way people who are less financially successful can eat well is they have to make choices in their life to go, hey, I'm going to buy less iPads, and I'm going to eat. I don't know what the answer is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Right, right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Oh, now we have no education. Exactly. It doesn't matter. So nothing matters anyway, I guess. Everyone's going to be dumb and unhealthy. Exactly. How long do you think? Four years? You have about four years before... I mean, you touched upon this just now, but like, is there any, you know, like Eleven Madison, one of the most famous restaurants in the world, and your friend.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Vegan restaurant, yeah. Yeah, it became vegan. And I think they're not just vegan, but they also push sustainability in food and restaurants and commercially. So, I mean, where do you think the future of sustainability, you know, of food in America is going? Do you think it's trending in a good place? Are we in a...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
So, yeah, that's bad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Okay, yeah. I mean, cool. But that's... That guy's not doing it in America, right? He's doing it in... Where is he doing it? No, he's doing it in America. Oh, he's doing it in America? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is he doing it? I want to go to his school. I believe he started in Connecticut, but he's branching out. Okay, free lunch in Connecticut. I got to head down there. I got to enroll there.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Before you judge, yes, his show starts at 6 in the morning. LAUGHTER But he was still drinking from the night before, okay? So it's not sad. It's awesome. I will say it's weird that we're arguing about the drinking, because even if he was stone-cold sober, he's a TV host who ran two veterans' organizations into the ground. He's not qualified to run the Pentagon anyway, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
But, Chef, listen, I really appreciate you coming on the show. You're an American legend. Thanks for trying to help everyone eat properly. I'm sorry no one's listening to you. Thank you. I wish we could all eat better. It's all gonna change after tonight. Oh, yeah, thank you for all that you do. Hey, everybody, Why I Cook is available now. Chef Tom Colicchio, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
We're gonna take a quick break. I'll be right back after this. Hey, that's our show for tonight. Now, here it is, your moment of zen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
This is like saying, hey, yo, this cat can't be pilot. He has a drinking problem. Okay, maybe this cat can be your pilot. It's very cute. But you know what? This might be for the best. The first step to sobriety is your coworkers admitting that you have a problem.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
And look, we don't have any hard evidence that Pete Hegseth was drinking before work, but if you watched his show very carefully, you might have picked up some subtle clues that he liked to knock them back. I've always wanted to do this. Oh, look at that color.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Again, this show airs at 6 a.m., but as Pete Hegseth always says, hey, it's 11 a.m. somewhere. So, Hegseth is losing the president, he's losing the senators, he's losing his coworkers. I mean, does he have anyone left on his side?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
What kind of parent-teacher conference are we watching right now? Because the future Secretary of Defense needs his mom to come out and defend him? I thought you were against women in combat roles. And besides, I never saw Donald Rumsfeld be like, hey, I have a warning for the Taliban. Mom, you tell them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Now, the reason Pete's mom is part of the story is because a few years ago, during his second divorce, his mom sent him an email where she called him, her own son, a habitual cheater, liar, and abuser of women. But now she's saying, eh, don't worry about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
And by the way, seven years ago wasn't ancient history, OK? We still have the same Spider-Man. Overall, things don't look good for Pete Hegseth. But the good news is he has the perfect solution. Because then you have a little bit more champagne, and then your problem goes away. Okay, but thank Buddha. Let's move on to a story that doesn't involve Trump right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
welcome to the daily show i'm ronnie chang we got so much to talk about tonight south korean sample martial law and say no thanks lewis black tells you how to survive the next four years and pete hegseth is on day three of his news bender so let's get into another edition of trump 2.0 coming for the white house i'm gonna come
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Yesterday, out of nowhere, the incredibly unpopular president of South Korea declared martial law. And then a few hours later, after everyone got mad, he was like, hey, you know what? Forget it. That was a stupid idea. How about that Rosé song? How about that? How about that? How about that? How about that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
To me, the craziest thing about this whole episode is what happened in South Korea during the few hours of martial law.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Holy shit, she knows that's a gun, right? She's She's grabbing it like it's a thing that doesn't shoot bullets. She's like, is this a vacuum cleaner? What's this button do? I want to see it. This wasn't the only time a protester showed up to the military in South Korea. Check out this dude when a soldier tries to take his phone. I know everyone thinks all Asians know martial arts.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
And let me be clear, stereotypes are harmful. But did you see that shit? That dude single-handedly Aikido'd the soldier into surrendering. I mean, that uncle is either really protective of democracy or very concerned about what people are going to see on his phone. By the way, Trump, if you're paying attention, can we get that guy as Secretary of Defense? I mean, his defense is incredible.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Josh, Josh, what's going on over there?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Because I'm the host? No. Because I'm more well-read than you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Joss, I don't expect you to just know what's going on there. We sent you there to do a report, okay? So just do your job and ask around. And what do you think I'm doing? I found an Asian person and I'm asking around right now. That's racist, dude. All right. You're black. So what? I'm supposed to ask you about what's going on in Zimbabwe? Oh, Zimbabwe going through it, Ronnie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Okay, well, that's a lucky guess, okay? Economies collapsing in Africa, that's all of them. That's racist. No, you're racist. Yes. Look, just give me your best analysis of what's going on in Korea right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Josh, that's North Korea, okay? You're in South Korea. It's a different country.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Donald Trump is still constructing his next administration, but he seems to be doing it the same way that that billionaire built that Titanic submarine, because it's imploding immediately.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
God damn it, forget it. Josh Johnson, everybody. When we come back, Louis Black will help you deal with the election, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show. When a news story falls through the cracks, Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Rage Rooms, Four-Year Cruises, Post-Election Feels | Tom Colicchio
Wow, this would be very sobering news for Pete Hegseth if he wasn't shit-faced right now. I mean... If HEGSF doesn't get confirmed, this is really going to make people question Trump's strategy of giving the most unemployable people on Earth the hardest jobs that ever existed. And honestly, I kind of feel bad for this guy. I mean, he had it made.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
I refuse to believe you can't get a decent slice of pizza in this city, all right? This is the birthplace of Lincoln, Obama, Michael Jordan. None of those people were born here. This is what people in Chicago call pizza? Where can I find a decent slice in the city instead of this stupid bull ? I couldn't find a single place that sold real pizza. Just these deep dish dough dumpsters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
This isn't pizza. This isn't even human food. After hours of only deep dish, I finally found a place that served delicious, normal pizza pie. The Cook County Jail. That's right, the best pizza in Chicago is in the biggest jail in America. This gourmet pizza is actually made by and sold to inmates as part of a training program called Recipe for Change.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Thomas Dart is the sheriff of Cook County Jail. He's been running the pizza program for four years.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
They haven't been asking for it. Recipe for Change is one of several rehab programs at the Cook County Jail, along with drumming, painting, chess, gardening, and more. So what made you become a hero sheriff and not a Joe Arpaio sheriff?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
The man giving them that skill? Local restaurateur Chef Bruno Abate, who volunteers his time and expertise to teach inmates how to cook the best pizza in Chicago.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
After a straight hour of on deep dish pizza, Chef Bruno finally got around to telling me more about how his program is affecting inmates.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
It was great to be with people in Chicago who understood what pizza is supposed to look and taste like. Guys, this pizza is genuinely awesome. You must have people lining up around the block to buy this. Actually, it's only for inmates. Guys, we gotta rescue Chicago from that bull deep dish pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
In the last presidential election, 44% of Americans did not vote. That puts you in 26th position among developed countries. That's pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself. That's garbage. It's so garbage that in 2016, Trump got elected with only a quarter of eligible voters supporting him. That is a broken system. Some politics nerds are proposing a solution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Jury duty and taxes are mandatory, so why not voting? But America is the land of the free, where the whole point is to do anything you want. Even dress up as fat Iron Man in Times Square on a Tuesday afternoon. So can you really force Americans to vote? Do you think in America voting should be compulsory?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you think America would ever accept mandatory voting? Definitely not. Why not? Because Americans are lazy, in general.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And that includes the freedom to not vote?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you think mandatory voting can happen in America? No. I do not. I do not.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Maybe Americans think it's impossible, but mandatory voting does exist in 22 countries, including one that's even drunker, crazier, and whiter than the US. I'm talking about Australia, where they've had it since 1922.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, for Americans, the term democracy sausage has had a bad taste since the Clinton administration. But for Australians, consuming child intestine meat on bread has been a voting tradition since the 1940s. But what about the people who don't think a sausage sizzle is enough incentive to vote? What kind of punishment do you have to enforce to make it so that over 90% of people go and vote?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
What, jail time? Public spanking? You have to wear a I didn't vote sticker?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
All right, OK, we get it. Enough already. Jesus. Anyone here have a puppy I can pet for 10 seconds just to clear my head?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Doesn't that make your election process very boring?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Damn, political science world star is gonna love this. But how do everyday Australians see it? I took a 25-hour flight and spent two weeks in quarantine just so I could talk to them myself in sunny Brisbane, Australia. What do you feel about the fact that voting is compulsory in Australia?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Just shut the up and vote. What do you guys think about mandatory voting in Australia?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Man, that is Australian. Why do you think voting isn't mandatory in America?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
All we needed to get people to vote was to elect Donald Trump. And then guess what? People turn up. We don't need to force people to vote.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Touché, Judith. But hopefully one day, Americans will also learn to enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of democracy sausage as much as our drunk, vote-loving mates down under.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
I'm scared to even ask, but what were they going to do with this large bag of dicks?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, I'm from Southeast Asia. I've never heard of penis wine. What is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Is it red or white? I didn't even get close enough to the table. What kind of flavor profile is this? Is it nutty? I didn't taste it. Is there notes of foreskin? Can we move on? This is a serious case. Oh, yeah. That's right, Holly. We're just going to mention penis wine and not talk about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
She's right. People thought they were donating their bodies for research to find cures for diseases, but instead it was real-life invasion of the body snatchers. How are they gonna fix this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
You don't need a license to deal with dead bodies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
You need a license to do nails. You need a license to fish. You need a license to drive a forklift.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, sorry, can we just go back to the penis wine for a second? Do they stomp on dicks the way they stomp on grapes? Are they squeezing out the penis or are they just fermenting it? I don't know. And I'm really not sure I wanna know. No one should have their dead body violated or their genitals turned into a tasty beverage.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And here in Arizona, people thinking about the afterlife are choosing something new, whole body donation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
If people are gonna donate, they should at least know exactly what they're getting themselves into. They need to know the truth. Until Arizona puts regulations in place, all we can do is offer competing services. Introducing GiveRonnieYourBody.com. Just give me your body and we'll take care of the rest.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
We provide services such as... Be turned into a human ventriloquist dummy. Be used for Weekend at Bernie sequels. Literal body pillow. Be filled at the Oscars.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Sound horrifying? You betcha. But it's also perfectly legal until Arizona changes its laws.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Here in America, we use straws for everything. Drinking, snorting cocaine, Okay, just those two things. But still, that's not nothing. Yet recently, local governments across the nation have been challenging our God-given right to bear straws.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Conservative Big Bird actually has a point here. So I headed to Washington, D.C., the latest city to ban straws, to meet Lillian, an environmental inspector. Her actual job is to go into local businesses and make sure they're not using plastic straws. That's right, she's a straw cop. So what do you hope to accomplish by banning something that's like 0.0000000000001% of our trash?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
If I don't use straws, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to do this? Yes, absolutely, that's what I would love. Lillian explained that over 40% of all plastic manufacturing is single-use, throwaway items that will take somewhere between 450 years and forever to disappear. But still, why are people suddenly so angry about straws? Why do you hate straws so much?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Wait, this is all because of a dumb viral video? Look, I've seen a lot of shit on YouTube. How bad could this be? Turns out, really bad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
It's a freaking straw. Okay, okay, I'm done. No more straws. But the video did leave me with one burning question. If I stick a straw up my nose, I could get 35 million views on YouTube.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
To investigate, I hit up a popular spot for the old folks to see if body donation really was all the rage. What do you want to happen to your body after you die? I'd consider whole body donation. Have you considered whole body donation?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
No, no, that's not, no. Okay, so tell me what you do on a day-to-day basis. Turns out that turtle was not faking it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
That sounds great. It was time for me to hit the streets and shadow Lillian on an actual straw raid. First step, case the joint. Clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear, clear. All right, clear.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Next, look for contraband. These are what we use. Very compostable.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Turns out this guy was clean, at least for today. But I knew things were about to get real when we hit the mother load. A coffee shop with enough plastic nose candy to take down Nemo's whole goddamn reef.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And now the straw cops are gonna make you pay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Oh, really? That's convenient. Just happen to be switching when we walk in. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Is this your straw? Whose straw is this? Straw, straw over here. Sorry, false alarm. It's fine, it's paper. Dispatch, we are entering premises, over. You see that guy over there? The black hoodie? Just gonna go ask him a few questions. Oh, oh, he's going, he's going. Go, go, go, go, go. Straw police, straw police. Drop the straw. Get on the ground .
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
But despite the successful raid, Lillian wasn't happy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Okay, change people's minds through constructive conversations. I can do that. Do you know how many f***ing turtles are dying in the ocean because there are straws up their nose? Why? Because motherf***ers can't seem to drink from cups without straws. Just put the cup to your mouth. Just put the cup to your mouth. That's it. You don't need a middleman.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
So you seem pretty old and close to death. What do you want to happen to you after you die?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you know how much damage this could do to a dolphin's anus? An oyster can eat this and suffocate to death. It's like you guys don't even care.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Yo, you can't call the police. We are the police.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Show her your badge now. She has a badge. Show her the badge. After a successful conversation, we voluntarily left the restaurant. I come back, I see any plastic straws in here, I'm burning this whole place to the ground. And hey, if a restaurant can ban me just for doing my job, How hard can it be to ban straws?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Cryptocurrency. Is this some fake , some nerds made up on the internet to steal our money? Or is it the future of finance? There is no way all these people buying cryptocurrency have any idea what the hell they're investing in. And it's not just Bitcoin. Ethereum, the number two cryptocurrency, has risen 5,000% since the start of this year. Why?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
What the hell does that mean? I spoke with one of the founders of Ethereum, Joe Lubin, to find out. First question, what is it? What is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Is it just everyone just going decentralized from the dark web and drugs online? Exactly. Does cryptocurrency make you feel angry and confused? Well, it should. To make it easier to understand, we ripped off the big short and asked Margot Robbie to explain it in a bubble bath. But she said no. Cryptocurrencies are transparent and decentralized.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
When two strangers exchange money over the internet, it requires a middleman, like PayPal or a bank, who takes a percentage of the transaction. and that transaction is vulnerable to hacking. Cryptocurrencies are recorded in a public ledger called the blockchain, so it's impossible to cheat. They actually solve a lot of problems with exchanging money in a global digital world.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Don't get the out of here. I'm coming back. But still, is that worth a bajillion dollars? Why do so many suckers on the internet, sorry, I mean people, believe fake money as value?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
So the only thing backing this money is belief in the competency of the US government.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Damn. So not only is cryptocurrency fake, all money is fake. Wake up, Wall Street. You know, money isn't real, right? All this stuff is all fake. But Wall Street doesn't care if money is real, as long as they're making lots of it. They've been pumping millions into Bitcoin and Ethereum, driving the creation of thousands of new cryptocurrencies. But how low is the bar for entry?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Let me get this straight. You took Bitcoin and you just changed the font to Comic Sans. And we put a dog on it. This was the guy to talk to. So tell me about the genesis of doggy coin. Well, firstly, it's Dogecoin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
It's not. But guess what? This stupid meme currency is worth almost $400 million.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
And sure, cryptocurrency might destroy the planet through climate change and supporting road nuclear states, but... This is America! So I decided to make my own cryptocurrency, but that has to be an incredibly complex... John, that was easy. I did it! It literally takes 10 minutes to go on a website and make your own coin. Time to make it rain Chencoin and kickstart the financial revolution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Do you accept Chencoin? Chen? Chencoin is like Bitcoin. It's disrupting global financial systems. using blockchain technology?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
No? No, only cash. I'll send you money over the internet. Money? I'm gonna demonstrate. So imagine if I send you this, right? Thank you. No, no, but digitally. No, no, no, give me back my five. How are people not getting this? No, I'm paying you. I'm paying you in Chan coin. Get the out of my camp. Out of my camp. Remember this moment.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
A human chop shop? These were people, not cars you strip down for parts. I turned to a team of lawyers trying to end this horror. So what the is happening in Arizona?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Remember this moment when you had a chance to jump on Chan coin and you didn't. All right, here's the last. Invest in Chan coin. Just don't ask me how it works. Chicago, big city, windy city, opinionated city. Whether you're from Hyde Park, Lincoln Park, or Wicker Park. Why is everything a park? Their food is as iconic as their corruption. Al's Italian beef sandwich.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Ronny Chieng
Garrett's addictive popcorn mix. Portillo's jumbo hot dogs. And of course, the legendary Chicago pizza I've heard so much about. What the f***? is this. This is Chicago deep dish pizza. Yo, I said I wanted pizza, not some Italian guy's dump on a plate. This looks like me eating pizza and then throwing it up into a bread bowl and then leaving it in the sun to dry. This is how Chicago does pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Yeah, role models. I don't know about role models, but comedy inspirations, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I always thought Bill Burr was great, and I got to meet him. He messaged me on Facebook one day when I was in Australia, and his profile picture was a car. And so I didn't believe it was him when he messaged me. I was like, I'm getting catfished right now by Bill Burr.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And he was like, hey, I saw your clip on a plane and you were really funny and hope we can work together. And it sounded so catfishy. I was like, yeah, whatever, truck, right? And... But then I thought like, oh, if I can live with being catfished, I can't live with if it was actually Bill Burr, and I said off. So I replied like, oh, hey, thanks. I'm a huge fan of yours.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
That's high praise coming from you. I live in Australia, so I don't think we'll ever get a chance to work together. But hopefully one day, if I ever get to go to America, I'll see you in the circuit. And then he said, hey, I'm touring Australia next year. I'd love for you to be on the show. open for me. And I was like, yeah, whatever, it's a truck. It's a catfish, it's clearly a catfish.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
And so I was like, whatever. And then I didn't think too much about it. I kept kind of doing my thing. And then a year later, hey, I get this email to go to the theater. And the whole time I'm like, I'm going to get murdered. You know, this is not going to... And I show up until I was in Bill Burr's green room. And he was like, oh, this will be on the show, man. That clip was super fun.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
I saw you on the plane. And he became a friend and a mentor. And he executive produces my comedy specials now. And it's a real crazy, rare story of meeting your heroes and them being really cool in the end. Yeah, so Bill Burr, and that's about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
You mean the movie challengers. I've talked so much shit about this movie. And I support women in the arts. Zendaya is, like, my favorite. I love that they put a woman in sports. It's cool. I have a lot of problems with it. The two tennis players are hot. The two men they chose, not up to par. I want, like, I want big Italians or, like, Serbian dudes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Like, I don't want these, like, twinkie British guys. And then...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
It was like... And he's... When he was a coach, he was just a zaddy in the stands. It was... I mean, Tommy Haas. Oh, these men are beautiful. I lost track. But, um...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
The grip was so off. And I'm fine with her having a grip that's off. But if you're going to say the greatest tennis player who ever played tennis, just put the grip. It's like if a football player was holding it from the back of the football and throwing.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 2
Also, show a threesome. Like, show it. I also never watched the movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Trevor, who gives a shit about Best Picture, all right? The story this year is all about the deserving nominees who are snubbed. Snubs, snubs, and more snubs, especially in the only category that anyone actually cares about, Best Supporting Actor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Oh, wow, great job, Academy. Solid group of nominees. But maybe you're snubbing someone? Someone like, I don't know, me, Ronny Chieng? Supporting actor in Crazy Rich Asians, available on iTunes and airplanes everywhere? Wait, you genuinely think you've been snubbed? I think I've been, yeah, of course I've been snubbed. I lost to a bunch of no-name hacks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Come on, Ronnie, those are great actors in this category. Sam Elliott was amazing in A Star Is Born. Sam Elliott. Listen, Trevor, everyone in the business knows his mustache is doing all the acting, okay? I could have grown a mustache like that, but I care too much about the craft to rely on cheap facial props like that, okay? Also, my lip can't do that. Okay, well, fine.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
What about Adam Driver in Black Klansman? You mean emo Darth Vader who brought whining to a galaxy far, far away? Big deal, he played a Jewish guy pretending to be in the KKK. I was playing a Chinese person from Hong Kong when I'm really a Chinese person from Malaysia, okay? That's range. Plus, in the movie, I had to play an asshole, when in reality, I'm more of a dick, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
And understanding that subtle difference is what separates the best supporting men from the best supporting boys, okay? And what about Mahershala Ali, huh? He just sat in the car for two hours. I do that every time I take a Uber. All I get is two stars. And don't get me started on Richard E. Grant. I bet you're like, who's that, right, Trevor? No, actually, we know him.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
He's the veteran actor, he's a character actor, he's been in movies for decades. Okay, well, shut up, Trevor, all right? You know what? I should nominate you for least supportive friend. Besides, this guy's movie only made $8 million. I know Instagram stories that made more money, all right? Last and certainly the least, Sam Rockwell in Vice, again. He already won last year.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Are we just gonna keep nominating him? Is this the Best Supporting Actor Award or the Best Sam Rockwell Award? Plus, there's already another Sam nominated, okay? Too many Sams. Hashtag OscarSoSams.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Well, guess what, Trevor? I'm... I'm actually not angry. That was... that was all just acting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Oh, wow. Dude, you... I'm not gonna lie. You actually had us going. Uh, yeah. Thank you. And, uh, I hope the Academy will, uh, consider this episode for next year's Oscars. Well... We're on TV, so it's not eligible for those awards.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
Thank you, thank you all so very much. As the hottest year in recorded history, our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The Oscars
We feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow, and when she gives birth, we steal her baby, even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable. and then we take her milk that's intended for her calf, and we put it in our coffee and our cereal.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Who's doing the wave? I think that laid him off easy because he can throw a ball really fast.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Hall of Fame. Okay, hang on, hang on. So you'd be okay if LeBron James went around punching babies?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
No, they didn't. They just accidentally made baseball a thousand times better. Yeah, I get to eat avocados and take a nap. Just take away the game and it's a perfect afternoon. And also, that wasn't a real millennial experience, okay? If it was, the fans would have left the game with $100,000 in student debt.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Really? Because it just proves how boring baseball is. The most interesting thing that happened was a ball that went out of bounds.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
No, that video's totally out of context. Deadspin reported that that guy everyone hates actually gave that same kid a ball earlier.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Oh, I don't like this. They have two balls. But that guy only took the second ball so he could give it to another kid. So not only is he not an asshole, he's like baseball Jesus. Yeah, he gave gifts to children and we crucified him for it. All we had to do was wait for the whole story.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Isn't sports more fun when you wait five minutes for all the facts to make an informed decision instead of reacting to everything with blind passion?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Trevor, everyone's being very alarmist about this, all right? Dude, this is America. As though they're gonna stop baseball. It's gonna come back. Of course they're gonna find an agreement. Oh, what's the alternative? They're just gonna never play baseball again? Of course it's gonna happen. This is like a, it's like an encore at a Billy Joel concert. You know he's gonna play piano, man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
Just calm the down. Just wait. There's no patience here in America. We love baseball, but we don't like patience, which is ironic, because it's the game you need the most patience for, because it's long.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Baseball
I think I may have detected a little pattern with Senator Obama. It's pretty simple, really. When he's campaigning in Philadelphia, he roots for the Phillies. Then when he's campaigning in Tampa Bay, he shows love to the Rays. That guy's an a**hole!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
I'd rather you ask me for a job. I don't know, potato peeler. What's the least, most useful? Over there, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Oh yeah, hell yeah. Hell yeah, definitely, for sure, New York. I actually, when I first got my visa, I went to L.A. My agent told me to come to L.A. and do pilot season. And that's an industry term for everyone. There's one guy in the industry laughing already. Yeah, my agent said, hey, come to L.A. Do a pilot season.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Pilot season means you go into audition room with 20 Asian dudes who look like you. Who all went to, like, Yale drama school. And they were auditioning for, like, you know, Sidekick 2 on whatever. And I was in that. I was in that for one... I did that one time. And... As in, I was in that season one time. And I knew, like, man, I'm not gonna out-act all these actual trained, talented people.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
The only thing I can do with my limited skill set is go to New York and be a huge asshole. And so... And it worked out a lot better. So New York, definitely. New York is... Yeah, New York for life. Thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Uh, your party restaurant. Okay. Wait, what? Yeah, first of all, what's a party restaurant? You mean like party restaurant or like, like what kind of, well, um, uh, usually when people ask me this, the first is, the first question is, do you want white people food or Asian food? That's the first. Asian. Okay. You don't have to point to your Asian friend when you say that. That's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
You can like Asian food without pointing out Asian people. That's fine. So you want Asian, then that means you want rice or you want noodles? Noodles, okay, then go to Weila. Go to what? Weila, Weila. Weila? Yeah, Weila. It's a great restaurant in Chinatown. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're not going to go, so don't worry about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Yeah, in Chinatown, there's a restaurant called Weila. You're not going to go. Don't worry about it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
No, no. I'm going to say it. You're going to go, oh, that sounds nice. You're never going to go, so don't worry about it. You're going to go eat pizza outside in Times Square. Times Square is the best pizza.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
After the Cut | Correspondents 2024 - Part 1
Let me see. What happened with me was I was doing shitty open mics in Australia, and then Trevor asked me to audition for it. So if you can find Trevor, I think he can help you. Anyone else got any questions? Anyone else have any questions? Questions that are not like job offers, please. Yeah, in the back there. Yeah, move it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Wrestlemania
As we've seen recently, it's kids, not politicians, who seem to be pushing political change. In fact, most politicians can't even manage to get their own messages out there. And that's especially true for the Democrats. But luckily, we might have found a way to help the Dems out. Ronny Chieng reports.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Wrestlemania
Democrats might know how to rally their base, but when they reach out to middle America, they say things like... For working families to get a share of that prosperity that they're creating, we need some serious enforcement of competition laws.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Wrestlemania
Single payer, single payer, single payer.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
Up! Sorry, Trevor. I tried, but I just can't do it anymore. Actually, I think you explained that pretty perfectly. Ronny Chieng, everybody. We'll be right back.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | The War on Climate Change
Explore more shows from the Daily Show Podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
no i mean it's rush hour for love we have all this pressure from society to take people out and if you can't get it done guess what everyone is upset in puerto rico which means friendship day what are you doing friendship day uh you give your friends like candy and flowers you get into a fight with your partner over what restaurant booking you could not get no well then that's not valentine's day
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Oh, really? You don't feel the pressure of society weighing on you on February 14th?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Oh, yeah? I'm sure all your platonic guy friends really love hanging out with you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
So the other 364 days, they can go themselves. What other day do you wake up and just think about love first? Well, if you're a good person every day.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Okay, so is Valentine's Day the worst day of the year or not? No, it's not. Chocolate's the worst candy. Prove me wrong. Chocolate's delicious. Pure chocolate? Pure cocoa? Tastes like shit. Why are you so angry at chocolate? Because it's overrated. Like, if you really love me, get me something that lasts. Like your HBO password. Sharing the HBO password. Is a sign of true love.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
And a sign of commitment. Yeah, it means I'm going to let this person up my algorithm.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Sex should be a morning thing, never a night thing. Prove me wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Whatever. It's the rhythm you have. As a human.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
This is what you do in the morning. This is like coffee. This is nature's coffee.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Single people should not be allowed out of their homes on Valentine's Day. Prove me wrong. I agree.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
I think you are better at this than I am. So maybe you should sit here and take my job, please.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. How is that dumb? Valentine's Day is not for single losers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
They're losers who couldn't find someone on the most desperate day of the year. What are they supposed to do? Go on a hinge date or something on Valentine's Day? How much of a loser are you?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Sorry, someone's pissing on the street in Brooklyn. What a surprise. If you're single on Valentine's Day, the government should send you money. Prove me wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Yeah, but it's a Valentine's Day thing. People are sad on Valentine's Day. Just send them some money.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Oh, really? No. If I give you $20 right now, would you be happy? No. Yeah, well, fine. I'll give you $50. If I give you $50, would you be happy?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Some tax breaks at least. We're the ones who need it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
We're the desperate, sad people who need that money. I want to say desperate and do something. Are you going out with someone on Valentine's Day?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Do you really want this? It's cute. Look at my nails.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
All right, fine. I'll prove to you it's the worst day. Come on a date with me on Valentine's Day. I'll show you it's the worst day of the year.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
Yeah, Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year. F*** it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Valentine's Day
It's Valentine's Day, otherwise known as the saddest day of the year to go on Pornhub. Some people think this day is about love, but really, it's about arguing with strangers on the street on Prove Me Wrong Valentine's Day Edition. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year. Prove me wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
Oh, protesting high taxes. Good luck selling that one. I mean, if there's one thing I know about the American people, they love baseball, kicking ass, and paying taxes to the government. And discreetly build hotel porn. So... Four things. This is like the Boston Tea Party for people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay taxes anymore.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
Happy April 15th, it's Tax Day! Or as Wesley Snipes calls it, huh, what? What was I supposed to, oh. Oh, I have to make a call. Of course, it's a mad rush. Everybody's scrambling to get their returns done by the deadline. It is a mess. I have a solution. Ladies and gentlemen, everybody is always scrambling at the last minute on April 15th to get their taxes done. So let's make tax day the 16th.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
That's what a million bags of tea looks like. Let me get this straight. To protest wasteful spending, you bought a million tea bags. Are you protesting taxes or irony? But clearly, the tea parties are a big story. Hundreds of tax protests all over the country. Thousands of disgruntled people of non-color taking to the streets.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
And it wouldn't be possible without the sponsors, like Discontent, the emotion you feel when you don't get what you want. And Tea, the drink you order when they don't have what you want. And corporate sponsorship provided by Fox News, the news you watch when news isn't what you want.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
Kids, don't get in that guy's van! Don't do it! So while it may look to the untrained eye that a news organization is sponsoring a grassroots partisan tax revolt, it would be a very narrow reading.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
I don't know if you understand what sponsorship means. You may not be paying for the honor, but when you put your network's initials in front of the words Tea Party, as in FNC Tax Day Tea Parties, it implies, if not direct sponsorship, a certain amount of ownership. For instance, Tostitos Fiesta Bowl. Or the Buick Invitational. Or Larry Flint's Hustler Club. By the way, great neighbors.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
One block down to the right. This afternoon, President Bush signed into law the extension of his tax cut package, a $70 billion giveback, despite a deficit that stands around $300 trillion. Here to provide some insight is our resident expert, John Hodgman. John, thank you so much for being here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
I guess the issue is a lot of people are upset, not so much at the tax cut, but who the tax cut appears to be aimed at.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
The way you've explained the tax cuts, it really doesn't seem very fair.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
John, what is the economic justification for extending the tax cuts?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
It may be true in theory, but it does seem in recent years that the gap between rich and poor... No, no, between the citizens and Morlocks, I think. The gap between citizens and Morlocks has widened under these programs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
I know the... You're saying that he could be visited by more than three ghosts?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
Now, those are not ghosts. I believe those are tenses.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
John, for your examples, you've actually cited fictional characters, and in fact, the people who play them are quite wealthy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
That way, everybody can just relax. Problem solved. Unless I have fundamentally misunderstood human nature. And I don't think I have. But this year, Tax Day has some other kind of big surprises in store.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
When a news story falls through the cracks, Louis Black catches it for a segment we call Back in Black.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
Now, a week before Earth Day was, of course, Tax Day, April 15th. As the economy continues to ride a wave of instability, many are looking for new and innovative ways to cheat. I'm sorry, save on their taxes. Our own Ed Helms investigates one very interesting option.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Tax Day
A tea party. I hope we're invited. I'll bring my signature cucumber sandwiches. The secret is I use real cucumbers. It is that kind of tea party, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
Look, Trevor, I understand how hundreds of years of institutionalized racism might make black people a little sensitive to this kind of thing, right? But obviously, this was just an unfortunate coincidence, okay? Chinese people have no beef with black people, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
Look, I know Black History Month is really important to you guys, but we started naming years after animals like 5,000 years ago, right? It's a set pattern, okay? Every year is a different animal. Like I'm an ox, you're an ugly rat, cameraman's a fat pig. Okay, we can't change that. Okay, it's just science.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
Like, do you really think back in ancient China when they were like drawing up the lunar calendar, some old Chinese guy with a long white beard was like, oh, oh ha ha ha, oh ha ha ha, oh, oh, you know what would be funnier? If someday there was a sports league of mostly black people and we gave out monkey T-shirts. No, that never happened.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
And by the way, not every Chinese person talks like that, okay? That's racist. Yeah, but you were the one doing the- No, think about it, Trevor. Who was actually offended by this? Like, one guy. One guy. DeMarcus Cousins. We're really gonna listen to DeMarcus Cousins? Really? That's the guy? That's the guy. This guy. He's been a leader in technical files for, like, five seasons in a row now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
It's the biggest cry baby in the NBA. Oh, that guy fouled me. Oh, I hate my coach. That t-shirt hurts my feelings. Blah, blah, blah. You know what should hurt your feelings, DeMarcus? Your team being in 10th place in their conference, all right? Now look, if Steph Curry complains about a monkey t-shirt, look, that's a conversation, all right? Wow, wow, Ronnie. I'm shocked right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
You know a lot about basketball, man. What are you talking about? Of course we know about basketball. Chinese people love basketball. That's like a million Chinese basketball fans, and not to mention countless NBA players of Chinese descent.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
Countless players, Trevor. Okay, look, the Year of the Monkey happens every 12 years, okay? So we need to fix this right now, or this is just gonna keep on offending people, okay? And we can't move Chinese New Year because it's based on the moon, okay? There's nothing we can do about it. So, I suggest you guys just move Black History Month. What? No, no, no. Whoa, Ronnie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, we can't just move Black History Month. Sure you can. Why do you want February anyway? It's like the coldest and shortest month. Yeah, sometimes it's missing a day. It's like a bad month. Look, I can't believe you guys were suckered into taking February in the first place, all right? Why don't you take something like May?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
It's got 31 days and there's no monkey-based holidays, all right? It's beautiful. You know, Ronnie, I see your suggestion, but I wouldn't count on that happening. Look, Trevor, all I'm saying is black people, listen, we're all on the same team here, okay? We're not your enemy. We've already proved we can work well together in rush hour, remember? Yeah, that's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan kicked ass, conformed to racial stereotypes, and respected each other's holidays. Ronnie, don't you ever touch a black man's holiday. Trevor, we're not trying to touch your holiday, okay? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Oh, nice, nice. That's Rush Hour. That's what we did. It was Rush Hour. Oh, yeah, that's right. It is from Rush Hour.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | NBA Basketball
I didn't even realize. See? It's bringing us together already. Oh, it really is. That feels good. Thank you so much.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
You were spot on to the day, by the way. In hindsight, I was like, oh my god. Because I remember there was a day I was in New York City gigging at some comedy club. And it was two years in, literally almost to the day. And I remember things just starting to click a little bit of relearning how to do comedy. Because again, you, like me, we were doing comedy outside of America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, it's a bit like, you know, you can come here and you can joke about America on a very surface level. And that will do well for you if you have a 15-minute set, maybe 30-minute set. But I feel like after nine months or a year in America, the audience can kind of smell the bullshit of like, you've been here long enough. Yes. Right. Like, guns shouldn't be weird to you. That's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
So really, how profound your two-year thing was. Like, it takes two years to learn the nuances of America so you can make fun of them in ways which... Yes, exactly. They appreciate.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Like, don't tell us we have guns. We know we have guns.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
So you were, like, going deeper and deeper and deeper into it, which, you know, that was my guiding light as well when I first started here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Come back with the same question in two years, and then we'll talk. You're smart. And I wonder, like, do you feel like satire in 2023? Is that, you know, you've been at the show, you've seen The Daily Show kind of evolve over a lot of times. And when you joined the show, there wasn't anyone else doing it, kind of. There wasn't TikTok, there wasn't Instagram.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Right. So it wasn't a bunch of, you know... like, assholes on talking about, you know, like, trying to do satire but it up all the time. And so... What? Sorry, now I'm just attacking a bunch of people on social media.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, no, I'm down. I'm hosting for one day. Come at me, TikTok. That's a very fancy shirt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this one is We I got this shirt made in New York City Chinatown No, he's a girl. He's a legit as Taylor and then he asked me if I wanted my Chinese name Embroidered on it. I was like go for it. And then now it just looks like a mustard stain. I
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, it doesn't look like a... It does look a little bit like a mustard steak.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I know things are a little choppy here, but monogrammed shirts... No, I told them if they didn't monogram it, they were racist. And then they just did, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, but, like, that's the thing. Like, we're both immigrants in America. And do you ever... I guess my question to you is, like, how do you answer the people who are like, if you don't like it here, leave? Because I get that a lot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
you and your show that's all we love that's it but i was i was back on that other point like do you feel there's a place for satire like basically the the the news is so crazy right now reality is sometimes matching up to the news sometimes in that environment do you feel that satire is still possible like you know when you're doing a joke ironically do you feel like people can get it that you're trying to ironically be the bad guy in some you know oh i see you mean like if you're doing filthy because we
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I'm asking about, for me... I'm talking about for me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
all about earn your voice like me. I did. I had to f***ing get on this show to get a voice. You don't get a voice just because you're in your underwear on Instagram. Ronny regrets that gatekeepers have been removed from the process.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I love the gatekeepers. It was so tough to come here. It was really tough for me to come here. I like you. I also really wanted to come here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
In fact, don't even talk about the green card. Even the visa before the green card, it's called the extraordinary ability visa. Yes. You have to prove, first of all, that you have extraordinary ability, which I challenge anyone to do. Unless you're freaking an NBA player or something. And then, second of all, it's like, if you don't constantly prove that you're... They can deport you. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Like, if I have a bad segment on The Daily Show, I'm... That's right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, so in a weird way, I'm with you in that, like, immigrants to America who come here actually want to be here and have fought to be here, and we're the ones who get shit done here. Yes. Because we had to f***ing prove it every single time. That's right. Immigrants.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
So we get it. You know, every interview I've researched you on, you profess your love for America. You're still here. Clearly you still love it. Yeah. Okay, so can you shut the f*** up and be American for one minute instead of constantly complaining and talking like a f***ing foreign all the time?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
I want you to eat this hot dog right now. Oh, boy. And then I want you to throw this football, and first of all, you have to call it a football. Okay, I can't do that. I call it an American football. Okay, American football. I'll call it an American football. And you've got to throw this to me. So you're going to eat that first, and you're going to throw this to me. Okay, like this?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Okay, all right. So eat this first.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
This is Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
All right, all right. We get it. Enough already. Enough. I agree with you more than I agree with them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah. That's why... That's why I was so happy you came on, because people don't know by looking at us, but we actually have very similar backgrounds, because we both joined the show. I moved to America to do this show, just like you. And when I first joined the show, you know, the Daily Show alumni network is so strong, I asked to meet up with Mr. Oliver.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Mr. Oliver. Hold on. He was Mr. Oliver. I was like, there's no way this guy's going to let me meet up with him.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
And that really, at the end of the day, that is the secret sauce. Well, that is the, I mean, you know, you have to really not care to do satire sometimes. And everyone's like, people, I don't think people know how much you don't give a f***. Yes. Like, you truly don't give a f***.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
You said there's a button, you just got to push it. Yeah, exactly. Because, I mean, you know, and what was interesting was when I met with you, this is how much you don't give a f***. You made me come to your office at 8 a.m., first of all, which is... Which is extremely early for comedians. Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Best of John Oliver
Yeah, and I came and I talked to, and I have very specific questions. And one thing you told me, I've been using this in my podcast rounds. I don't know if it's come back to you, but like when you told me it took you two years to relearn how to do comedy in America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
My guest tonight is a comedy icon and an Academy Award-nominated actor whose new film is called The Friend. I can't believe I get to say this, but please welcome the legend Bill Murray.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Well, meet me in the studio after the show. Meet me behind the studio because I got a quick fix for you. Let's get into it with Indecision 2025, locally sourced edition. This Tuesday, there's an election for a seat on the Wisconsin Supreme Court, and I know what you coastal elites are thinking. So what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Thank you. Wow. Thank you so much for being the only guest who put the merch on.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I know, we give it to everybody. No one ever does what they're told and wears it on stage. I also have to thank you for something else. I've never told this story on air, but I was lucky a couple years ago. I was doing shows with Dave Chappelle in Ohio, and they said, hey, Ronnie, we have a plane for you back to New York, but do you mind dropping off Bill Murray? Okay. along the way.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I was like, are you kidding me? I get to go on a plane with Bill Murray? Does he want me on? And like, no, no, he's great. Yeah, totally. He wants you on. And you let me get on your plane so I could get out of Ohio. So I really appreciate it. Thanks so much. Hey, that goes for all of you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And the whole time I was on the plane with you, you were so generous, you were so kind, you were very considerate. You were trying to time the flight so I wouldn't hit traffic in New York. And I couldn't believe you were talking to me. And the whole time I was like, oh my God, I'm living... one of these legendary Bill Murray stories right now. Like I'm in the story that I keep hearing about.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And so there's all these stories about you kind of popping up around America. And I just want to ask, like, is this kind of philosophy of life, of this live in the moment randomness, is that something you kind of carry into your self-expression?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah, but it is a conscious choice, right, to be present, because not many people can do it. I mean, you've said yourself you try to make yourself more available.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah, so I guess just in terms of Hollywood, applying that philosophy to this crazy thing we call show business Hollywood. And your approach to it has always really intrigued me because you're someone who I feel is, even though you're an icon in the Hollywood system, you still feel like you purposely take yourself outside the system. I mean, is that a conscious choice for you to be
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I agree with that. But you acknowledge that's not a common thing for most of these guys in Hollywood. I despise the rest of them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah, and I mean, sorry to hop on about it, but I just want to emphasize how strongly I feel this embodies your philosophy. And I feel like, because I think it was after Ghostbusters I read that biggest movie in the world at the time, and you immediately kind of moved to France with your whole family and started studying at the Sorbonne. Mm-hmm. Just to get yourself out of it, I guess.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
They'll rule on, what, whether it's legal to marry your cheese or whatever the issues are in Wisconsin? Well, yes, that is part of it, but also, it will determine whether abortion is legal in Wisconsin and how to redraw election districts, which could even determine which party controls Congress. And that's why the weather report for Wisconsin is...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And the other thing, because you've been, you had such longevity in the business, you've been around. I feel like you're one of the few guys who is actually qualified to talk about this. So right now, I feel like we keep looking at the past with these rose-tinted glasses, just with culture. I mean, forget politics or whatever, just culturally when we talk about movies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And you were part of this incredible run of American comedy films, like it was Caddyshack, Ghostbusters, Scrooge. You had this run of just stripes of hits. And we look back on that now as, like, this golden age in American comedy film. When you were in that era, were you looking back at previous eras and going, that was the golden age? Or were you like, no, I'm the king right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Well, good news for you. People, everyone wants you in that movie. Yeah, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
With Pete Davidson?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Right. Yeah, well, that deserves a round of applause. I mean, Naomi Watts is killer.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I love how you started promoting this movie and then you had to quickly promote this other movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
It's really the best, like being together. Yeah, which brings me to this other question I had. Like, you were talking about the movies you're doing now, The Friend and Riff Raff. I mean, these are indie movies.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I guess, just talking about your career again, there was a moment when, after all these blockbusters and you were the biggest name on the planet, you kind of, like, you went away for a bit and you shifted into this, like, You basically ushered in this new golden age of American independent film with Lost in Translation and, you know, all these Wes Anderson movies. And I guess, was that...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Was that planned?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I know you're living in the moment, and it's very Buddhist, and I appreciate that, and I try to live that philosophy. But I'm just saying, you have to acknowledge, at the time when you did these indie movies, you had a lot of clout, and you were risking it, whether you cared about it or not. You were risking it on these kind of unproven, talented directors a lot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And was that a conscious choice to, like, I want to give people a chance, or were you just attracted to the material?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Right. And you were, you know... Oh, okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
No, it's... It's fine to applaud every word this guy says, because I'm doing it too, but... Oh, I should say, but these guys wrote a good movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I watched it. It's very touching. It deals with some pretty sad topics. It's a very dramatic role for you, I would say. There's a... I don't know. I checked with the director. It's not a spoiler alert. You're essentially dead most of the movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
But...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, wow. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
All right. Yeah, and how do you stop them? How do you control them?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
They love you. Don't stop the love. Let the love come in. And I know you're going to, I know you didn't plan this, but one of the themes I noticed in your career is that you have this kind of, there's these animals that pop up in a lot of your films a lot in a cool way, you know, like Groundhog Day and The Friend, the dog, there's an elephant, there's, you know, gophers. Gopher problems, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Yeah. So I don't know, do you think there's something, I know you're not thinking about that, but is there something, what is it about these animals?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I'm getting to it a little backwards. I look for a pet elephant before I have kids here, but I'm gonna try to find one.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And I mean, you are, you're such a, you came up, not only are you an American icon, but you came up through these iconic American institutions, like SNL and, you know, it created Ghostbusters and Second City.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Second City, all these institutions. And my question to you is, you know, it feels like these institutions kind of don't have the kind of sheen that they used to have before in terms of attracting all the talent. Because now people are going to TikTok and making a video in the toilet seat. And I guess my question to you, do you like that? Is that a good thing?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Now, I know $20 million sounds like a lot, but remember that Elon has over $300 billion. $20 million is like one of his kids. It means nothing to him. But... Yes, this race has turned into a billionaire royal rumble. I mean, they're spending $100 million, which is obscene.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
That people are on their toilet making videos and...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
No, South Park is brilliant.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
They've got a herd of people. Yeah. But I guess my question, because I revered American institutions, American comedy institutions specifically. That's why I'm here in America. And I came here because my dream was always to be take part in it in some way. I'm lucky that these guys gave me a shot, but I guess I always saw the value of these institutions.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
It was an elite pressure cooker.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I mean, you know, for that kind of money, you could have bought tens of thousands of Wisconsin residents their first ever salad. Instead, they're spending it on ads like this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Well, speaking of American institutions, Mr. Bill Murray, your institution.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
It brought my family together. If my dad was still around, he would have loved this. He would have loved that I got to meet you. I'm sorry. If my dad were around, he'd love it, too. Thanks so much, Mr. Bill Murray, everybody.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
The Friend opens in New York March 28th and nationwide April 4th. Mr. Bill Murray, we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. Hey, that's our show for the night.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Because for me watching this on the outside, I'm like, should the rest of us put a wall up around Wisconsin to keep all the pedophiles in there? I mean, I know it'll trap the kids in there too, but the kids are probably also pedophiles, so it should be fine.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
I mean, there's so many pedophiles that if you wanna win, you should probably be making pro-pedophile ads because it seems like it's a big constituency over there. Like, why don't you do some outreach? But hey, I guess this is the story of American elections. Way too much money paying for way too many negative ads.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
In fact, Elon Musk is spending so much money on attack ads, he's not even paying attention to who the ads are attacking.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, to be fair, if I'm ever talking to a white woman over 50 and I forget her name, I just call her Susan Crawford. And I'm usually right like 80% of the time. But hey, maybe Elon just needs glasses. I mean, it could change everything. He'd be like, oh my God, that Cybertruck looks like shit. But... But... Elon isn't just spending all that money on attack ads.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
He's also dusting off a tactic from the 2024 election, voter self-checkout.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Come on, Elon. It's going to take more than that for Americans to sell their souls to you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
A million dollars? Come on, Elon. You have taken way less for Americans to sell their souls to you, all right? I would have done it for $250. For more on the flood of billionaire money, let's go live to Wisconsin with our very own Grace Kulinsmith. Grace. Grace, Grace. Wait, why are you dressed like the Monopoly man?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Wait, you beat up an old man? Is he okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
That sounds kind of dangerous.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, Grace, this is awful, all right? Billionaires should not have this level of influence in local elections.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Okay, so Wisconsin doesn't mind the billionaires meddling in the elections?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
All right. Oh, this is disgusting.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
No, no, no. I mean, it's outrageous for Wisconsin to shift its entire economy to depend on billionaire election money.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
What about taxes? Huh? Taxes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
What? Taxes. Speak up. Taxes. One more time. Taxes. Two more times. Taxes, taxes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Look, I know there's a lot of Trump haters out there who are like, this guy can't focus. He's got the attention span of a golden retriever on cocaine, which sounds like a great idea for a movie, but it's not. And I call dibs. Well, you couldn't be more wrong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
OK, three months into his term, President Trump is still laser focused on the single most important issue affecting most Americans. invading Greenland.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
You heard that right. Denmark has to have us, need to have Denmark have us, have Greenland. It's very clear. So last week, President Trump announced that he would be sending a special delegation to the future 52nd state, led by a very special woman who Trump is definitely vaguely aware of.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
She loves the concept of Greenland. I mean, green? She loves green. And land? Don't even get her started. Now, in some ways, Usha Vance is a great person for this trip. I mean, Greenland is pretty cold and lifeless, so being married to JD Vance has left her very prepared.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight. The legendary Bill Murray is in the house. But first, we're still 19 months away from the 2026 midterms, but I know there's some absolute freaks out there who need an election sooner than that. 19 months is too long, man. I need something right now. I'll suck your for an exit poll.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
And if she was hoping a trip to Greenland would at least be a few days away from her boring husband, well, he had some bad news for her.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
J.D., give her some space, OK? If you want to know what she's up to, don't worry. She's going with Mike Waltz. So the whole world is going to know every move she makes. But with this all-star delegation, I'm sure Greenland is going to roll out the red carpet for American imperialism.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
Wow, they're holding out signs that say, Greenland belongs to indigenous people. America is like, oh, you have no idea how much we don't care about that. Here's some measles. Now, I mean, Greenland does not want to make America great again. In fact, they want the opposite.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
That's right. Make America go away. I do love the tone. It's very bitchy. I mean, they should make one that says, oh, seriously, America, just kill yourself already. So basically, the people of Greenland really hate J.D. Vance in particular, which means, as always, Donald Trump is right. They really are ready to be Americans.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Billionaires Intervene in Wisconsin Supreme Court Race | Bill Murray
When we come back, some guy called Bill Murray will be joining me on the show, so don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast. You're listening to Comedy Central.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Okay, well you left at the right time because I just want to ask you about end game situations here. When you have 30 seconds or less left on the clock and your team is down by three, do you foul to send the other team to the free throw line or not?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
You foul? Yeah. I would argue you don't foul because then if the other team scores a three, worst case scenario, you play D, they score a three, you're tied, you get the ball back, you have possession, and you can shoot for the last shot.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Oh, sorry, I'm saying if your team is up. Sorry, it's my bad. Your team is up by three. Sorry, yeah. Your team's up by three. There's less than 24 seconds left. NBA rules. NBA rules, so the advancement after timeouts and all that. If your team is up by three, would you foul?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Okay, well, someone should have told the Knicks that. They filed. They were up by three. They filed. They sent the other team to a free throw line. The other team scored two, and then they got the ball. The team filed them. Anyway.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
That happens quite a lot, actually.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Knicks in six? All right, good. All right, cool. Okay. Sorry, I cut you off. What do you mean it's not an anomaly? What do you mean?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
No, it does not happen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Oh, yeah, but that guy was. He was going out of control. He was shooting, like... Anomaly, like, yeah, that doesn't happen. He scored, like, 12 points in, like, a minute. He did. Which is... Only the Knicks could let that, yeah. The other thing I want to ask you is sometimes I watch a lot of NBA basketball and like compared to college basketball.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
And one thing I found was like the rule enforcement is a lot different in the NBA. You know, for example, even traveling calls or moving screens. You know, it kind of one of my things with basketball is so weird whenever in the NBA, they never call a moving screen for anything. You know, I mean, I don't know.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Sure, yeah. But in your opinion, is this like... Is this just, okay, we just got to play this game now where screens are whatever they are?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
So you don't have a problem with the moving screen?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Ronnie Taylor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Right. And try to get a call.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Really? Big Beautiful Bill? That's the best you could come up with? It's a stupid name. Okay, also, that's what Jordan Hudson calls Bill Belichick. The point is, nobody is going to go along with that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
OK, well, this is interesting. Also, we just lost like 80 percent of the crowd because this is. These guys are like political nerds, so they don't know. I find this very interesting, but I guess no one else. No one else even knows who I am.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
But, like, on the topic of being a championship coach, if you had to tell the Knicks something, after a loss like that, where you were up by 17... No, but, like, what would you tell your team to, like, get them for game two?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Wait, hang on. Let me write this down.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Let's all make some money on this. Okay, so what do you think is the point spread on game two? All right. So you think they're going to win?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
All right. OK, great. OK. But you wouldn't even tell them anything because they're professionals. You're like, you guys are pros. You guys get motivation. You're at the Eastern Conference Finals. You don't need me to. There's no kind of locker room moment where you're like, come on, guys.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
OK.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
So you're going in saying that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Right. But this is an interesting coaching philosophy that less is more, almost.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Sure. And this idea of coaching sometimes less is more in terms of motivating and coaching. I mean, reading your book, you talk about the 96 Olympics where I mean, fair to say your coach was pretty hard on you in 96. So I don't think that Tara, the coach- I learned from her. Oh, was she also less is more?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
President Trump's so-called Big Beautiful Bill. One Big Beautiful Bill. Trump's Big Beautiful Bill.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Sure. You adopted a philosophy. Why do you think that happened? Because you had a very tough coach at the 96 Olympics where you won the gold medal. And then you becoming a coach, you kind of went away from that philosophy a little bit. Why do you think that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Sure, sure. And obviously you've proven your philosophy to be somewhat correct in that way. So also, I mean, in basketball, there's this thing now where I guess analytics came in and there's this drive towards efficiency of the game, which has led to kind of almost like basketball by robots in some ways. Everyone kind of shoots the same. Everyone plays the same.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
We're shooting threes, you know, and it's this drive towards efficiency. which I think it's pretty clear that it is working. The efficiency is working. Points are higher than ever before. But it's kind of like losing a bit of the individual characteristics of individual players. There's no more people doing sky hooks. There's no more Kevin McHale's kind of low post games. No more mid-range.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Mid-range is gone.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
My God, I guess they are going to go along with it. It's a big, beautiful bill. The BBB. Although it is reminding some people of something else.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Right. So you personally don't... No, no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
But they're not the absolute. You told the nurse to shut the up and get out of the locker room. We're going to win this game without your stupid numbers. And as a as a coach, like when you look at players, how you draw the line between like. having a killer instinct as a player and being a good teammate.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Because I think sometimes in culture, we really kind of put on a pedestal this idea of, I'm going to win at all costs as a player, as a human being. I don't care about anything but winning. And we kind of glorify that a bit in America. And I wonder if you can shed any light in terms of, is that correct? Or is that a balance between being a good teammate and being an individual kind of...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Even if you're getting excitement from Capitol Hill and the White House over the BBL, the big, beautiful bill. Sorry.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
But you wouldn't say every coach would adopt that philosophy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
And that's why you're winning.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
And... So what do you think about this, the NIL rules in college basketball right now, where your players are getting paid for their likeness, I guess? Yes. You know, not getting paid by the school, but for the external sponsorship? Not yet. It's coming. Sure. And how do you feel about college athletes and pay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Share your screen right now. Right now, share it or this interview is over. I love how flustered he got after that. It's the BBL. Oh, sorry, sorry, I mean butts. I mean big, juicy asses. Now, for those who don't know, a BBL stands for Brazilian butt lift. It is a procedure that some women get to enlarge their posteriors and it's quite popular with Instagram ass models or so I'm told.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
And that's bad.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Right. And I do want to talk about this book a little bit. I read it. I have to say it reads like you wrote it. As in the way it's, the way the dialogue is written is very like, oh, this was you putting your thoughts in there. It's me, everything.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Basketball, yeah. That probably costs like 20 bucks. Yeah. Knowing what I know about publishing, that jacket is, yeah. But I want to ask you about one story you're telling here is about how you got heart disease and you coached through it to win a championship like a crazy person.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Can you explain why that's probably not a good idea for normal people to...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
It takes years. When he said that, you just set a hot screen on him and... You'd be like, don't tell me not to play basketball anymore.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
But you won a championship with heart disease, basically.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Yes. Anyone watching this, do not do that. Listen to your doctors. But, Don, thanks so much for joining me on the show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Thank you, man. Appreciate it. Thank you for winning Medals for America. And thank you for teaching the next generation. And thanks for joining me on this show. I really appreciate it. It's John Staley, everybody. Uncommon Favor is available now. John Staley. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Thanks for joining me.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
That's our show for the night. But before you go, tired of complaining about who's running things? We are, and we're paid to do it. But maybe it's time you take matters into your own hands and be the leader you've been waiting for slash complaining for. Just go to the link below to learn more from our friends at Headcount about running for office. Yes, you, running for office.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
You one day could be someone we're making fun of, right? Now, here it is, your moment of zen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
You don't even know what you're doing. You just think, oh, clean energy, let's get rid of it. We'll rely on oil, gas, and coal. Well, there ain't enough oil, gas, and coal to fuel the world, and it's more expensive to do it. Donald Trump, what the heck are you doing?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11, 10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
I wouldn't know because my For You page is nothing but photos of my beautiful wife. I love you, baby. I would never follow 17 female golfers with huge asses online. This is the one show this year my wife actually came to. She's... She's watching this right now. But after months of negotiating last night, Republicans stayed up all night and passed a big, beautiful bill.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
And maybe BBL was a better name because this bill is thick and mostly ass.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Wow, cutting health care and food stamps to pay for tax cuts. I mean, the only way this could be more cartoonishly mean to poor people is if it said Bob Cratchit has to work on Christmas Day. He's just a frog. Why does he have to work at all? But this vote was very controversial, even among Republicans who didn't like how he increased the debt by $4 trillion.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Do you realize how much money $4 trillion is? No, you don't, because none of it went to education. The point is, some Republicans were resisting this bill. So to get it passed, Donald Trump needed to use all of his political powers of persuasion.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Trump made the rare journey to the Hill. The meeting was housed Republicans behind closed doors for 90 minutes for what he says was just a pep talk.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
He called out members by name. He threw the F-bomb around.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
I have seen time and time again, they're dragged out of the House floor and back into the Republican members' cloakroom, and they're handed a cell phone, and it's Donald Trump literally yelling at them and cursing at them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Politics used to be deals and handshakes and pass my bill and I'll do something for you. Now Trump is just like, pass my bill or I'll kill you. I'll kill you and I'll date your wife. But look, the bill isn't just about taking health care from poor people to give rich people tax cuts. I'm sure there's something in there for the rest of you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Some provisions tucked into the bill. One of them eliminates the $200 firearm registration fee for gun silencers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Yeah, let's see. That was added by Rhode Island representative John Wick. What's the benefit of making it slightly cheaper to buy silencers? I mean, is there an assassin out there who's like, hey, I got my shot lined up, but first let me call my accountant to see how this affects my deductions. I mean, maybe it's better if silencers are more affordable.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
I'm Ron Cheng. We've got so much to talk about tonight.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Now when a mass shooter is going through a classroom, the other classrooms can keep learning. As you can imagine, though, Democrats are not fans of the big, beautiful bill, and they're ready to roast it with some slam poetry. It is not one big, beautiful bill.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
It's a big billionaire's bankroll bill. It's a big, disgraceful betrayal of the American people.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
This bill is brutal. It is not beautiful. I just don't see what Republicans find beautiful about this ugly bill. It's not beautiful. It's ugly.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
A piece of legislation gets body shamed, Medicaid's being taken to a farm upstate, and good news, the government's giving out free vacations to South Sudan. So, let's get into the headlines. President Trump has signed a record number of executive orders since he became president, which makes sense. It's a lot easier than passing laws.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Okay, uh, we get it, but that's a little too specific. Sounds like you're describing something personal. This bill is gross and weird and has a mole with hair growing out of it and it's changing color. I'm talking about the bill. But should they see a doctor? Should they see a doctor, just hypothetically speaking?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
For more on the reaction to the Big Beautiful Bill, let's go live to Washington, where I'm being told we actually have the Big Beautiful Bill itself. Bill, Bill, you just passed the House. Why are you upset? What's wrong?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Holy shit. I can't change who I am. That's not... True, okay? Everyone can change. I mean, maybe we can make you beautiful. Maybe add some healthcare subsidies, money for children. Oh, kids? I don't know. Okay, well, let's start with something smaller then. How about you, I don't know, maybe try taking off your glasses. Wow. Wow, yeah, see? And maybe tussle your hair a little?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Wow, maybe you can be beautiful. Hey, you know what? Why don't you tell me three things you like about yourself?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
God, I hate you, Ronnie. I'm going to the Senate. All right, the big, beautiful bill, everyone. When we come back, we go to South Sudan, so don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Welcome back to The Daily Show. If you're mad that President Trump is deporting immigrants back to their home country without due process, well, calm down. He's also deporting them to other countries without due process.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
The Trump administration is accused of violating another court order on immigration by putting eight migrants on a plane from Texas. Immigration attorneys say they were deported to South Sudan, which is a war-torn country where the State Department advises Americans not to travel.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Wow, South Sudan. The only place more depressing than South Sudan is Madison Square Garden. That's the last nice Knicks game, right? Yeah. For the internet, we lost. So these deportations might seem cruel to some and legally dubious to others. But that's why the Trump administration released this video to show you that they can be also exciting and cool. Deportation rocks! Hail Satan!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
I mean, to pass the law, you gotta write a bill, then you gotta pass it through the House, and then the Senate, and then checks and balances, and founding fathers, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's a lot easier to just declare shit, all right? Gummy bears are vegetables now, done. But don't forget, Congress is still doing things. They're not just sitting around waiting to die.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
You know, that's the funny thing about being a musician. I mean, one minute you think you're gonna be the next Jimi Hendrix, and the next minute your songs are being used in a video titled Gestapo Hype Reel 3.0. But if you would prefer not to be deported to heavy metal, you can always leave on your own. And in fact, if you self-deport, Trump will sweeten the deal.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
The Department of Homeland Security conducting its first self-deport operation called Project Homecoming. 64 illegal immigrants making the choice to self-deport back to their home countries.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Officials handed out food and children's toys for each ride, and each person was given a $1,000 stipend for their cooperation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
What? $1,000 and a sack lunch for self-deporting? What idiot would take that offer? What stupid... Ahem.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Hello, Ronnie. Al Madrigal? Wait, Al, you self-deported? But you're a citizen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
$1,000 is not that much money, okay? It's not going to get you very far.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Okay, yeah, but you're in South Sudan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Ow, enough about the lunch, okay? There's a reason Kristi Noem isn't talking about what happened to these people. The countries they're being sent to are really dangerous. Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Al, try stabbing them with a Capri Sun straw. Oh, my God. Al. Al.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
South Sudan's Al Madrigal, everybody. When we come back, Don Staley will be joining me on the show, so don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Welcome back to The Daily Show. My guest tonight is a basketball legend and head coach of the University of South Carolina's women's basketball team. Her new memoir is called Uncommon Favor. Please welcome the legendary Dawn Staley!
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
Well, I mean, they're doing that, but they're also doing other things. So last night, House Republicans packed their entire agenda into one enormous bill that's over 1,000 pages long. The question is, what do you call an enormous bill that crams together every single Republican issue?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
The New York City standing ovation.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” Passes House, Takes From Poor, Gives to Rich | Dawn Staley
I gave it to you. I'm honored. Yeah. Three-time Olympic gold medalist as a player, and you won a gold medal as a coach, a champion in playing at college and coaching at college. You are undoubtedly a basketball expert. So did you watch the Knicks game last night?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. Hey, my guest tonight is a trailblazing Hollywood icon who has written a new book called The World of Nancy Kwan, a memoir by Hollywood's Asian superstar. Please give a very big welcome to the one and only legendary Nancy Kwan. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming. Thank you. Yeah, thanks for coming on the show. Hello, everyone. Yes. It's the Hollywood legend.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
How are you doing?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I'm okay. I'm okay. Yeah, so you were born in Hong Kong.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
So you speak Cantonese.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
No problem.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, yeah. We were discussing how great it is to be in the West. And yeah, so you started in Hong Kong. You born in Hong Kong. You moved then from there. That's kind of where you started acting. And you didn't even start out wanting to be an actor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
A letter? What's that?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Like a piece of paper?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
You went to go see your favorite actress, and then you end up replacing her. On the movie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I don't... Well, that's how I got this job. Oh, oh. Standing around as a ballet dancer in Trump.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, and that was your first time in America, right? And then you started doing movies in America.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
So this was Hollywood in the 60s in America?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
And what kind of drugs were they doing back then?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
What was I doing? Oh, I don't do drugs.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Okay, good. Okay, cool. Tell me in Cantonese what drugs they do. Okay, so this is the 60s. This is like golden age, you know, once upon a time in Hollywood, like that period of movies. And you were there right in the middle of it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Sounds like what's happening right now, too. But I guess history repeats. It does.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
The studio system was phasing out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I guess history really does repeat itself because that's still the case. So we got... No, no, no, no.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
And hopefully... Tell that to my agent, man.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
And you were mixing with kind of Hollywood icons at this time, right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I think you were hanging out with Dean Martin.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
And Mr. Bruce.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Mr. Bruce Lee.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Okay. Maybe we shouldn't be talking about that part of the story.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
He was a what?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Oh, yes, he was the Cha-Cha King. Yeah, yeah. What was he like? Was he a cool guy?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Wait, that... That's what you're gonna lead with? That's the big tragedy for you? These poor kids will never know the joy of attaching a Schedule K to a 1048. It's not even accurate. I mean, autistic people do pay taxes. Are you thinking of art history majors? But, I mean... Please give us more of your expert opinions about what autistic people can and can't do.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
And he was the best.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah. And so he wanted to go back because of a lack of opportunities in America at the time.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
But did you also feel that way?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
And you tell them to shut the up?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
What did you do?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Oh, you got reviews? Yeah. Do you remember what film it was?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
This is why I was so excited to have you on, because you're one of the rare persons in Hollywood and in the world who actually has this perspective on Hollywood, because you've been there for quite a while now, and you've seen many different eras.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, a long while. And you've seen kind of, you know, I guess, have you recognized any patterns? appearing in terms of the business cycle?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I'm trying my best, all right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Keep trying.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
She meant that as a nice thing. You guys read it like she was talking shit. She was saying, keep going. No, no, no, no, no. It was encouraging. OK, anyway. But what are the patterns? Because, OK, here's the thing. I think we're all in 2025 now. Is it 2025, Benny? No, no, no. It's not 25. OK. Okay. But whatever year we're in, we're in a period where we keep thinking of the past.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
We kind of romanticize the past in terms of films. You know, we're like, oh, you know, this era of films kind of sucks. The 90s was when the peak of Hollywood, you know, and then we go back to the 80s was when things were cool. And we keep thinking that way. I mean, you are one of the few people who actually lived through it all. Is it true that we live in the worst era right now? Or is it...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Or has it always been the case that we always look back with rose-tinted glasses?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Oh, so we suck and we also don't suck.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
So what sucks about now?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, I mean, have I seen them? I'm in some of them. Oh, wow. Yeah, but what do you, I mean, you don't want to talk shit about anyone, but like, what is like, what do you think is your main problem right now? If you have to say, in general, in general.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
The early 1500s.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
No, it's a comedy show. You got sense of humor.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Sure. It's very Buddhist. It's very Buddhist. It's very cylindrical. But is that, I don't want to put you on the spot, but do you think there's a reason you could point to why that's the case, that they don't make it like that anymore?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
But now it's just... Well, what do we need to do to get back to that? Do we need people to put down their phones? What is it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, it's their problem. That's a them. That's a them problem. But OK, and then you said that's kind of like the problem. Like, you said that's why we're not in a good era. Why are we in a good era then? Why? Yeah, because you said, you know, we're currently, it's both. What era are we in? We're in an era that's bad, and it's also good.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Okay, well, let me put it this way, then, because we romanticized the past. What sucked about the past? So let's get on a record, you know, that what was bad about it? Like, what was bad about the era that you were coming through, you know? What did you not like about it?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Oh, okay, it was perfect. Okay, great. So, yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, for sure. And sorry, I cut you off a little bit. You're kind of explaining the studio system was ending when you got there. So what does that mean?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
working and living in the West for a while now, much like myself. And do you have any comment on this current kind of civilizational clash between the East and West right now? What is your perspective on this thing?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
And... Okay, well, then we are in a very interesting period there because shit is going down right now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
No. So you're saying there's a silver lining to this end of civilization?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I am. Yes, I am. What kind of... I think my voice is breaking out now. All right, so.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, I'll tell you in Cantonese after the show, yeah. Promise. So what is your perspective on this East-West thing? Is there anything you can speak to, anything that America continues to misunderstand about the East, or vice versa, you know?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
What do you mean they don't date? I mean, does the candy compound not have Netflix? Okay, because David took Abby on a safari to Africa. And yeah, could Connor be a little more open-minded about dating blondes? Sure, but couldn't we all? I mean, everything this guy said is ridiculous. Autistic kids will never write poems? Well, who wants kids to write more poems?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I know, yeah, okay. So I was really hoping for, you're saying that this is, you've seen it go up and down and that we'll come back and we'll be friends again. Always. Okay, okay, okay. I hope you're right.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Yeah, okay. I got to say thank you so much, Nancy Kwan. I think you're the best.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Thank you for representing Asian people in Hollywood. Thank you for making the films that you made. And thanks for coming on the show. And thanks for representing all of us with dignity and class. We appreciate being here. Hey, the award of Nancy Kwan comes out April 22nd. It's available to pre-order now. Nancy Kwan, everybody. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
That's our show for tonight. Now here it is, your moment of zen.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
That's something we should be preventing. So it's no wonder why people are pissed at him. Most autistic people can do all that stuff. And even the ones who can are still human beings. Who even made RFK the judge of what makes life worth living? I'm sorry, they'll never know the joy of planting bear carcasses in Central Park or holding 85% of the world's mucus in their throats. But whatever.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
This is a huge project he's taking on. I mean, Lem spent the next two decades trying to figure it out.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
By September? Wow, that was quick and very specific. I mean, I ordered a couch that isn't going to come by then. But good to know when I'm watching the Wicked sequel this fall, I can focus on the plot instead of wondering what causes autism. I mean, why are you even pretending to study it? We all know you're gonna blame vaccines, okay?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
This whole thing is more rigged than a golf championship at Mar-a-Lago. I mean, just look at who he hired to do the research.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
You know when commercials say nine out of 10 doctors agree? This is the 10th doctor. I mean, this guy looks like the reason second opinions were invented. But enough about RFK, let's move on to Elon Musk, living proof that autistic people can do anything, including... Including destroy the government. And as far as his dating life goes, Elon isn't lacking there either.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight. Elon is sliding into your DMs and your wombs. RFK Jr. is on the asshole spectrum. And I watched golf, so you don't have to. You're welcome. But first, let's check in with the best cabinet ever in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Elon, can you just be a normal person and send a dick pic, all right? This is why you should switch the settings on your DMs to followers who don't want to impregnate me only. I mean, you haven't met this person and you're already trying to raw doge her? Like, I... I have to work up the courage to put the moves on my own wife, all right?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Like, hey, if you're not doing anything later, maybe you could, like, I don't know, like, kiss or whatever. Never mind, it's stupid. But... Let's stop thinking about Elon's sperm and get back to actual government stuff. Specifically, the Pentagon, where Pete Hegseth, defense secretary and guy whose tattoos are somehow embarrassed by him, just scored another victory in his war on thinking.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Like, yeah, I don't want one of those woke social justice books. I'm looking for more of a beach read. Do you have Mein Kampf? This type of censorship is outrageous and un-American, and this has got to be the most disgusting thing Pete Hegseth has ever done.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Okay, well, I think we just found the cause of autism. This... This... This is the worst thing I've ever heard a defense secretary do, and I'm including Vietnam. I know it's called an everything bagel, but you're supposed to draw a line somewhere, okay? Anyway, this whole anti-DI thing is getting out of control.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
They're pulling books about minorities out of schools, scrubbing stories about women and gay people from websites, and Disney can't even put out a new Snow White without people trying to deport her. And that's just the beginning. To take advantage of this shift in the culture war, the White House has just launched its own streaming service.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Welcome back to The Daily Show. I think I speak for everyone when I say politics drools and sports rules. For a full recap of the biggest stories in the world of jocks and straps, we turn to sports war.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Oh, yeah? Well, I should go to therapy, seeing as how I'm obsessed with your mom.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Let's start with Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., seen here greeting a supporter. It's always good to meet a fan, but RFK is known for his controversial health ideas, like drinking raw milk and adding roadkill to the food pyramid. But the conspiracy theory that he's most known for is that vaccines cause autism. He's basically a health expert, the same way Katy Perry is a rocket scientist.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
This is totally different, you idiot. Rory was trying to accomplish one of the hardest things in all of sports. You just took a dump in a fitting room.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Well, I'm not, okay? I don't want to see him happy. Everyone knows that Irish people are at their best when they're depressed. Haven't you ever read James Joyce?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Moving on, the NBA playoffs start Saturday. But if you're a little girl with a big imagination like Costa, you also have a reason to be excited.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
This is the dumbest toy ever. I hope it comes with a brawny James doll that you're forced to play with even though it sucks.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Which brings us to our extremely random endorsement deal, Better the Week, presented by Joanne Fabrics. Which athlete will sign the next extremely random endorsement deal? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. They're doing amazing things with wheelchairs now.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Costa, you're out of your mind, all right? This is ruining the game. You can't be doing gender reveals at the plate. Gender reveals are supposed to be for a close group of loved ones that you're hoping to injure with explosives.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
Well, Costa, for those of us who've had sex, this is a disaster, all right? Baseball is the thing you think about when you're not trying to get someone pregnant. Get your family planning out of my sports, okay? Can we please see a baseball story that has nothing to do with sex?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I'm never going to be able to slip an oyster off a baseball glove ever again.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
This whole thing just confirms my belief that baseball teams should get rid of logos entirely, okay? If they're not sexualizing oysters, they're pissing off Native Americans. Every team should just name themselves after their city, like the Philadelphia Phillies, the Boston Bostonies, the Cleveland Clevelandies, the Detroit Titties.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
RFK Jr. Sparks Outrage Over Autism Remarks & Elon Musk Slides Into DMs and Wombs | Nancy Kwan
I have a teenage dream that she shut the up. So, unsurprisingly, RFK Jr. brought his anti-vax policies to the administration. And yesterday, he gave a speech about autism, and people are pissed.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Uh, no. This country's pretty . Uh, that... that being said, uh, this is actually a good idea. I do like a garden of heroes. I mean, America is so divided, but if we can walk in a garden with statues of George Washington and Neil Armstrong and Paul Giamatti, maybe it'll bring us together.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Yeah, yeah, it's great. Did you say Paul Giamatti? The bald guy from Billions is in your top three? Uh, he's also the bald guy in Sideways and Big Mama's House. Also, I saw him eat a hot dog in Union Square, although that might have just been another bald guy. But either way, American hero. Giamatti's not statue status. At best, he can be a plaque or a name on a bench. A bench?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Uh, the thing people fart and smoke crack on? I don't think so, okay? Paul Giamatti gets a statue, maybe two. We're not putting Paul Giamatti next to Abraham Lincoln and John Adams. Uh, Paul Giamatti won an Emmy playing John Adams, okay? How many Emmys did John Adams win for being John Adams? Ronnie, what the are you talking about? John Adams was the second president and he didn't have slaves.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Early America, no slaves. Second president, pretty cool. Yeah, you know who else didn't have slaves? Paul the Hardy with the body Giamatti. I'm like, I'm really trying to be unified right now, but Ryan, I'm truly going to kill you. Okay, well, why don't you come over here? I'll unify my fist with your face.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Oh, I'm sorry that I don't want to walk through a garden staring at Lincoln's penis. Ronnie, what? Why would his penis be out? Because obviously the statues will be naked. Like they are in Europe. They all got little baby carrot dicks, okay? It's called culture. Bro, this is America, all right? Our statues have clothes, wear funny-ass hats, and ride horses.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Okay, look, I'll give you the hats and horses, but they're nude or I walk.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Oh! Can we please not D.I. the f***ing garden?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Gnomes?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Okay, we are not making a statues into gnomes. And if we did, wouldn't it be Ruth Bader Gnomesburg? I hate you, and I hate your half of the country.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Thank you, Desi.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
Fine, fine, but she's nude and her boobs have to look like Paul Giamatti.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Gaza Backtrack, Trans Sports Ban, Garden of American Heroes | Ke Huy Quan
I'm fine with that, as long as she's surrounded by, like, a lovely little field of begonias. Begonias? You stupid f***. It's Piccadilly, so I burned this garden to the ground.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Thank you.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Tonight, Politico reports that the Biden administration is currently debating preemptive pardons for prominent figures who have spoken out against Trump. Those who could face exposure include Senator-elect Adam Schiff, former GOP Representative Liz Cheney, and Anthony Fauci.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
No, no, it's not a creative collaboration.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Oh, okay, okay, okay. Show it for the camera. We've had this. Can you turn it? Yeah, I'm showing my eye, by the way. Can you make it clear that... Oh, Christmas colors. We got the Christmas colors. I got green and you got red.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
White House officials, however, are carefully weighing the extraordinary step of handing out blanket pardons to those who've committed no crimes, both because it could suggest impropriety and because those offered preemptive pardons may reject them.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Yeah, I know. That's how you know I mean it. That's how you know I mean it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Oh, okay.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
That's it. Also...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Just make...
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
All right. Listen, Charles, you wrote a great book. You made a great TV show. Thank you so much for having me on it. It's a story that needs to be told. I really appreciate it.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, that's our show for tonight. Now here it is, your moment of death.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Welcome to The Daily Show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
When we come back, we ban some books, so don't go away. Welcome back to The Daily Show.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
President Biden is continuing his historic trip to Angola as he becomes the first US president to visit the Southern African nation. Biden is expected to announce new U.S.-backed infrastructure projects in the region, including the redevelopment of a major railway that carries critical minerals that are used in batteries and electric vehicles.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Biden’s Pardons, DIY Airport Security, Book Bans | Charles Yu
Thank you, Michael. When we come back, Chelsea, you'll be joining me on the show, so don't go away.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Costa, you're a bigger dick than that French pole vaudeville's actual dick, right? If you factor in population size, the U.S. actually finished 59th in medals per capita. And by that metric, you know who performed almost 50 times better than the U.S.? Grenada.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
I have a stat right here for you, okay? Look at this. Jordan Klepper didn't lose his virginity until he was 38. Man. You're the god of whatever that is.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
So if I say we need stronger helmets in football to prevent concussions... I say that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Well, lucky for us, yours is empty. It's October, one month where practically every league is going at it like some kind of sports gangbang.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Well, if I ever leave, it's because your mom is getting too clingy.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Yeah, well, your mouth looks like a fish vagina. And you couldn't be more wrong, okay? Firing Salah is exactly what the Jets need. For 55 years, they've sucked with a coach. Hey, maybe it's time to play without one. Just one season, raw-dogging it without a coach, and hey, maybe the Jets will win the Super Bowl.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Moving on from an upset man to the upset of the year.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Okay, Jordan, I know you're not used to winning, but this is what it looks like, okay? You're just mad they threw the goalposts in the river because you empathize with long, skinny, useless things. Which brings us to our Rodney Chang show in VVIP Better Than Night. Which river will we dump Jordan in after tonight's show? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Your wife can't leave you if you win.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Have you been hit in your oblong head by another pitch? Pete Rose doesn't belong in the Baseball Hall of Fame. A hero like him belongs in every Hall of Fame. Baseball, basketball, rock and roll, hip-hop, automotive, Arby's. Put his name on a Vietnam memorial. Everywhere. Yo, they should hang his bookie's phone number from the rafters.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Wrong as usual, Jordan. I think the Olympics needs more E. coli, okay? Because if you're a world-class athlete, then prove it by pole vaulting with active diarrhea.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
And don't forget to claim your 20% bonus boost by entering the promo code KLEPPERSUTS. No. I don't like that.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
All right, speaking of sports, a player on the Kansas City Chiefs is in hot water after making the biggest mistake any football player could make, talking.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Hey, I say we should listen to this kicker, okay? Yeah, they're the football players with the least amount of brain damage. And I'm glad he's speaking up for emasculated men like Jordan. Congratulations, Jordan. For the first time in your life, someone on the football team is speaking to you. You don't have to wear that fake varsity jacket anymore.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
You know my entire family has a foot fetish. True. Which brings us to our bet everything wage of the evening. Which useless position player will be the next to wade into the culture war? As always, brought to you by gambling.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
This interpreter stole $17 million from Ohtani. That settles it. Interpreters should be outlawed, okay? If you don't know the language, you should just have to guess.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Oh, wow, big surprise. Of course this is just English. That's the only language your tiny brain can handle. The biggest head, the smallest brain over here.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Oh, what, Finnish? That's not even a real language, you dumbass.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Everybody knows I'm a bad son and a selfish lover.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Well, I hope one of those dads shoves you into traffic, Jordan, because you couldn't be more wrong. As a lifelong WNBA fan since Caitlyn Clark joined the league a few weeks ago, I can say with absolute certainty that that shove was barely a foul. Hey, WNBA needs to get harder if they want me, their target demographic, to keep watching, okay? You hear that, WNBA?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Just because you don't have a penis doesn't mean you can't get hard. Just ask Jordan.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Okay, moving on from the greatest women's basketball player to the greatest men's basketball player's son.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Yo, Bronny should not enter the NBA at all, okay? There's zero chance he can live up to the legacy of his father. Go do something else, like being a tall dentist or a tall architect or a medium-sized, world's tallest man. Quit while you're not ahead.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Overrated? That's just what your mom said to me last night.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Like I said, Jordan, I'm a selfish lover. Which brings us to Ronnie's slam dunk bet of the night. Who will be a greater disappointment to their father, Ronnie James or Jordan Klepper? As always, brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It's like taking candy from a baby, but the candy is money.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
This was absolutely worth it, okay, Jordan? He got to eat tons of hot dogs, and now he has no appetite. It's like free Ozempic, okay? Kobayashi's a legend, not to mention he's Asian. Shout-out Asians. That's right. I've only gotten to use that, like, four times in my life. And shame on you, Jordan, for not supporting the work of one of our greatest Asian athletes.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Sorry, feminists. Ten turnovers and the team lost by 20 points in her first game? I've seen enough, man. I think Caitlyn Clark is the worst basketball player in history. She's tall, she's white, and she didn't show up when it mattered. She's the Jordan Klepper of the WNBA. Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
America should be embarrassed that you only beat France by 11 points. You basically lost. That score should have been 270 to 12. These players shouldn't even be allowed back in the country. Hey, LeBron James, you stay in France and you think about what you just did.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Costa, you're the Tyrese Halliburton of this team, okay? Only 1% of our audience even knows who you are.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
What an incredible accomplishment for Noah Lyles and an incredible embarrassment for the people who trained every day for four years and lost to a guy with fluid in his lungs. Yo, why don't you just keep running off the track and right into traffic?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
Which brings us to Ronnie's Bigger Balls bet of the evening. Which disease will Michael Kosta get next? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. It will fix everything. Let's move on to the athlete from down under that everyone is talking about and sure to be this year's most popular Halloween costume.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
TDS Time Machine | Sports War 2024
I hope that Turkish guy shoots you in your stupid face, right? This was a terrible moment for the Olympics, for Australia, for descendants of criminals, for dancers, for kangaroos, for white people that want to be black. It just shows you the pathetic level of talent in Australia.