The Daily Show: Ears Edition
Trump Blasts South Africa for “White Genocide” & Trump Merch Needs a Spell Check | Simon Pegg
Thu, 22 May 2025
Ronny Chieng tackles the president of South Africa's uncomfortable White House visit and a MAGA couple shortchanged by a "RUMP" watch. Plus, Trump sets his heart on a $542 billion "golden dome" to protect America from hypothetical attacks, including those provoked by international roast comic Grace Kuhlenschmidt. Charlamagne Tha God looks at Republicans' obsession with Trump as a father figure and reminds them that not only is Trump a bad dad to his own kids, he's an abusive dad to Americans. Screenwriter, comedian, and actor Simon Pegg joins Ronny to discuss the final installment of the legendary franchise, “Mission: Impossible - The Final Reckoning.” They talk about Pegg’s humble beginnings doing standup with his goldfish, how “Mission: Impossible” Director Christopher McQuarrie weaved earlier films into the franchise’s ending, the power of movie theaters to unite people in experiences, and Tom Cruise’s comedic timing while performing epic live-action stunts.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What did Trump say during the South African president's visit?
I mean, you'll never run out of white South Africans when one of them is making 5,000 kids a week. But still, Trump thinks there is one, and you know he cares about it because he said white genocide. It's like someone told him, hey, it's not just a genocide. It's a white genocide, you know, the bad kind. And Trump's like, oh shit, get him in.
But don't worry, South African president, there's a way out of this. Cutter got Trump a plane. What sweet, sweet bribe did you bring him?
I brought you a really fantastic golf book. Weighs 14 kilograms. And it showcases the golf courses in our country.
Yeah, you that up. You lost Trump at book and you definitely lost him at kilograms. If you really want to impress Trump, you should have given him one of your golf courses. Then Trump would be like, hell yeah. Sorry, white South Africans, if that's even a real thing. Thoughts and prayers. Let's move on from a fake international crisis to a real domestic one.
If you bought any Trump merchandise, I don't want to surprise you, but it might be a piece of junk.
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Chapter 2: Is there really a white genocide happening in South Africa?
Trump time. A mistake on a Donald Trump keepsake might be funny to some.
But it wasn't a laughing matter for the couple who paid more than $600 for the Trump-branded watch.
Get your Trump watch right now. Go to GetTrumpWatches.com. It's Trump time.
Melanie Pettit likes the style, but it's what this watch does not have that makes it stand out.
I noticed it right away. The T is missing. It just says R-U-N-P.
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Chapter 3: What went wrong with Trump merchandise?
So it should say Trump.
Should say Trump.
Instead.
It says rump.
What a shocking story. I mean, truly, I did not expect them to be able to read. And you might be thinking, what kind of respectable horological craftsman of luxury timepieces would allow this to happen? Well, it turns out watches might just be their side business.
new eye-popping details about Donald Trump's watches. And there's a link to Viagra honey. This is a product that is born out of a licensing agreement with a company called the Best Watches on Earth LLC. There is another company at this business registered at the same address called the Best Honey on Earth. They sell male enhancement honey, which is exactly what it sounds like. Stop it, Steve.
A product that helps men perform in the bedroom.
Wait, everyone, shut up. Stop laughing. That's boner honey? This changes everything. I mean, I guess this does explain why that honey I bought looks so weird, but, um... You know, Trump's gonna be bathing that like the Baron in Dune, but I... I just hope that those watches have like a little warning label on them like you do for people with nut allergies, like warning.
This watch was manufactured in a plant that also processes honey. The point is, when Donald Trump sells you something, you gotta be skeptical. And I'm so glad we all learned our lesson. On an unrelated note, Donald Trump's got something new to sell us.
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Chapter 4: What is the Golden Dome defense system proposed by Trump?
You know, it takes a special leader to look at what's going on in Israel and be like, hey, we need to copy those guys, all right? Because it's going great. Second of all, I don't think missile defense shields work like frequent flyer programs, all right? Hey, check it out. Our dome just earned gold status. I hope China doesn't get a platinum dome. Then they get lounge access.
And by the way, the poster board he put up just raises even more questions. Like, why is every country launching missiles at us? Starting to look like a us problem. But you know what? I guess the money is worth it if it's capable of defending all of America.
A missile shield in the US will not be capable of defending all of America.
I'm a missile defense guy, but it's never going to be possible to defend against everything. And so we are going to have to be selective.
Gonna have to be selective. Like, what are we gonna do? Like, what, just save New York and LA and what, the states of good barbecue? Actually, yeah, yeah, that works, yeah. Let's go with that. The bottom line is, it's incredibly expensive and it doesn't work. But at least we'll have a Golden Dome that says Trump on it. Ah, .
For more on the Golden Dome and whether it's cost effective, we go live to Grace Kuhlensmith. Grace, Grace, let's be honest here. Is the Golden Dome really worth the price?
You bet your Asian ass it is, Ronnie. Thanks to our big, beautiful dome, Americans are finally safe from our enemies, which means I'm finally free to become an international roast comic. Buckle up, Barani and Ayatollahs, because Roastmaster Grace is Ayatollah and you're gonna go yourself! Okay, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What, we're spending half a trillion dollars just so we can roast our enemies?
Thanks to that metallic wonder bubble watching over us, I can finally say, hey, Chinese President Xi Jinping, make like your pandas do once a year and get . Boom, roasted!
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Chapter 5: How does Charlamagne Tha God view Trump's father figure status?
I'll supply the funds and take care of the kids. It's not like I'm going to be walking the kids down Central Park.
Donald Trump was never keen on bequeathing his name to anybody. It was Ivana who wanted to call their newborn son Donald Jr. You can't do that, Trump is quoted as saying in Ivana's memoir. What if he's a loser?
What if Don Jr. is a loser? I guess those hats are true. Trump really is right about everything, okay? And Daddy Trump does something even worse than insult his children. He plays favorites among them. For instance, here's a fun Christmas story from Donald Trump Jr. himself.
I got re-gifted all of the things that were monogrammed for him at times. So, you know, there was one Christmas where he may or may not have given me the gift that I had given him the year before because I monogrammed it, and it was like, oh, yeah, here.
Now see if you can spot the subtle difference between giving the child he hates a re-gifted tie and what he gives the child he actually likes.
A great gift that my dad gave me recently is an apartment because I'm graduating.
See? See? You see that? You thought he only denied housing to black people. Turns out he also denied it to his son. And maybe you're thinking, come on, Trump is proud of all his kids equally. He's not.
I'm very proud because Don and Eric and Ivanka and, you know, to a lesser extent because she just got out of school, out of college, but Tiffany.
That's kind of how he's treating the country, isn't it? Like the red states are Ivanka and the blue states, yeah, we're Tiffany. Yeah. You see, Trump isn't just any dad. He's a particular type of dad. The bully. Sometimes that's great for, you know, if you're having problems with another kid at school or immigrants or the president of Ukraine. He'll bully them for you.
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Chapter 6: What were Trump's parenting style and family dynamics?
President Trump has slammed Bolton as a wacko and incompetent, calling Rex Tillerson dumb as a rock and Jim Mattis overrated. Called Attorney General Jeff Sessions mentally retarded and a dumb southerner.
Called Omarosa a lowlife and a dog.
John Kelly, he's one of the dumbest people I've ever met. Stupid generals like Milley, he was a stupid person. A person known as Nicky Birdbrain Haley. Birdbrain.
Look, man, if you hate your kids that much, at least have the decency to go out for cigarettes and never come back. OK, it's OK. We won't miss you. And when you have an emotionally unavailable dad, you're constantly having to beg for his love. And then you get stuff like this.
Your entire life, you have stood for doing things that other people thought they couldn't do.
He is the most important, the smartest, the most capable leader in the world.
The greatest negotiator, the greatest dealmaker, the greatest diplomat, and the greatest peacemaker.
Every day is like waking up to Christmas. President, your first 100 days has far exceeded that of any other presidency in this country. Ever. Ever. Never seen anything like it. Thank you.
Yes, you're damn right. We've never seen dick riding like this. OK, right. This is unprecedented glazing. All right. Or at least it's weird to talk about a president this way. But an emotionally abusive father, then it's very normal. Some of you know the drill. You stay on daddy's good side because, you know, when he has a bad day, he's putting belt to ass. All right.
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Chapter 7: How does Trump's behavior reflect on his political stance?
Thanks for coming. My pleasure. Thank you so much. I want to talk about one thing. Maybe the only thing we might have in common is you used to do the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. I did. Back in the day, live performer, doing stand-up comedy in these bars. I used to do the Edinburgh Festival, too. Did you? Yeah. I was at the Underbelly.
Did you hand out flyers all day long? All day long.
You hand out flyers begging people to come in to your show. And then maybe three people will come. And you're in this makeshift cave with mold and asbestos. And you're doing comedy with three people. And then you go watch other people's shows. And you drink all night. And you wake up the next day. And you do it all over again.
And you do it again. For like a month. It's like a month long. It's an amazing, amazing festival.
What's harder, that festival or Mission Impossible?
Do you remember those days? I do. I did Edinburgh in 95. And I had a little show. I had my goldfish with me. And he was called Rover. And I would perform poetry on behalf of my goldfish, Rover. who was a Marxist. And I actually would take the real fish with me. It took me like a year to realize I could just put a carrot in there and no one would know, you know. But yeah, it was great.
And then as a result of that, I got a tour of Australia and, you know, it opens a lot of doors, Edinburgh. A lot of people are there. Right.
And then you go from that Edinburgh, which I was also. But my point is like you're with your goldfish in this small little room in this closet and then you're in Mission Impossible.
Yeah. I mean, it was a little, you know, I mean, along the way. Yeah, I did some I did stand up. I always wanted to be an actor. I did a stand up coming out of university because it was a way to perform. I loved comedy and I didn't have an agent. So I, you know, stand up was a great way to to to be the master of my own. Sure. Not waiting for the phone to ring.
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