Leap into the squared circle with The Daily Show's fake news coverage of the world's realest sport. Jon Stewart unpacks the WWE hitting the stock market with help from Stephen Colbert, and reports on the 2008 presidential candidates dropping in to campaign on Monday Night Raw. Wyatt Cenac tags in wrestler Mick Foley to help explain political strategy. Ronny Chieng jumps in the ring to take on The Progressive Liberal. And Mick Foley joins John Oliver to tackle immigration. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What is the significance of WWE going public on the stock market?
Wall Street gets a kick in the NASDAQs. The World Wrestling Federation is going public on the New York Stock Exchange, hoping to body slam the market, pile drive its competitors, and put a sleeper hold on investors in a story that can only be described as full of dumb metaphors.
Chapter 2: How is the WWE IPO affecting Wall Street and investors?
To welcome the WWF to the big board, today's trading session ended with Stone Cold Steve Austin slamming Alan Greenspan's head into the closing bell. Now, Daily Show chief financial correspondent Stephen Colbert has been following this story very closely. We go now live to Wall Street for a report. Stephen. John. What's the advance word on the trading floor for the wrestling public offering?
Well, John, the WWF IPO is creating quite a buzz. Investors are looking for product branding and long-term growth.
You want more, geek? I will kick your short-term bonds so far up your withholdings, you're gonna be picking Fannie Mae's out of your ass for a week!
Steven, wait, I... Steven, what? Is everything okay down there? It's nothing, John. Some of the Morgan Stanley foreign debt guys are, uh, they're trash-talking.
Has this wrestling IPO really changed the mood down there on the floor?
Well, there's a sense of increased optimism, but that could be attributed to the Fed's restraint on interest rates. Stephen, I don't mean to interrupt. Who was that? Oh, he goes by the name of the underwriter. You don't want a piece of that, John.
I can't. This is shocking. It seems the floor has really gotten caught up in the spirit of this IPO.
You want to know why the yen is down, Yamamoto? Because you panty wastes can't handle a gold-backed currency. Never could. The Nikkei is for old ladies and bedwetters. Oh, oh, nunchucks, right? Steven, is that, did I just hear the closing bell? No, John. It's the opening sounds of whoop-ass season. Come on! You! You! You will taste the sweet dish of my wrath! Thank you very much.
Stephen Colbert on the floor of the Wall Street trading firm. Some of you may have watched the program last night. You know that Barack Obama was our guest on the program. He was not actually here in the studio. The good news, of course, hope can be transmitted via satellite. Now... just flies through the air.
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Chapter 3: Which 2008 presidential candidates appeared on WWE Raw and why?
No. Of course, Senator McCain, he's got the nomination sewn up. He's not going to have to pepper his message with embarrassing wrestling affectation.
What are you going to do when John McCain and all his McCainiacs run wild on you?
Generally, when McCainiacs run wild on me, I rub some Lotrimin on it. Why do the candidates humiliate themselves in cable backwaters like WWE Raw and The Daily Show? Because they're running for president. And the chance to humiliate themselves on a network. I'm thrilled to be on Deal or No Deal with you tonight.
Come to think of it, I'm thrilled to be anywhere with high ratings these days.
He's incredibly unpopular. For more, we turn to Daily Show senior political analyst Wyatt Cenac in Washington. Wyatt, you know, I'm about done. I got to tell you. As you scroll down through all these scandals, it's hard to imagine that any of these people believe in anything. Their ethics are purely situational, or perhaps they're brain damaged and have no short-term memories. I don't know.
John, here's your problem. You think politicians want to win their arguments when all they really want to do is keep having them. They know arguments are interesting. They energize voters. They keep the money flowing in.
You're telling me that their interest is in conflict, not in resolution.
Yes. John, do you watch professional wrestling? Yes. So then you know that right now, Shawn Michaels is angry at The Undertaker. Rightfully so. Yeah, but they're going to settle it in the squared circle. So it will be done. Well, unless something were to happen to keep the fight going.
I get it. They have to keep the conflict going. But at least in wrestling, we know the good guys and the bad guys. Shawn Michaels is a good guy. Undertaker is a bad guy.
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Chapter 4: How do politicians compare to professional wrestlers in their strategies?
It's a very persuasive argument. Very persuasive, patriotic argument for the filibuster.
I know, it's good. Now, right, now check this out. Watch the swerve.
Mick Foley, destroy the filibuster!
You little pissant pencil-neck geeks think a filibuster can stop the will of the people? Well, I got two words for you. Reconcile this! It's time for one man, one vote, one beatdown! You arrogant windbags think you can obstruct progress? Well, you might love the sound of your own little voice, but the only thing you're going to hear tonight is my fist down your throat! Whoa! Whoa! Yeah!
Yeah, John, did you hear that? Did you hear his fist?
I can leave my hair to this. So both sides can take a position, but isn't that what the news media is for? To provide context, break through the posturing, and create a little clarity?
Context, John? No, the news guys, they're more like the manager, the color guys. They got their own take on the filibuster, too. Bully!
So what you're saying is the whole thing is fake. The whole thing is fake, like professional wrestling. Is that what you're saying? What did you say, John? I said it's all fake.
You just used the F word on me.
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Chapter 5: What role does the filibuster play in political conflict?
I was going to say golf simulator.
Chapter 6: How does Mick Foley illustrate the political filibuster through wrestling?
I think office.
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As we've seen recently, it's kids, not politicians, who seem to be pushing political change. In fact, most politicians can't even manage to get their own messages out there. And that's especially true for the Democrats. But luckily, we might have found a way to help the Dems out. Ronny Chieng reports.
Democrats might know how to rally their base, but when they reach out to middle America, they say things like... For working families to get a share of that prosperity that they're creating, we need some serious enforcement of competition laws.
You're boring.
Single payer, single payer, single payer.
It's like you don't even care about what you're saying. Can you hear me now?
It's not working. It's not working?
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Chapter 7: Why do Democrats struggle to connect with middle America?
And then the issue would be resolved. without a doubt. The progressive liberal had some great ideas for updating Democrats' messaging, but could he take on the heavyweight champ in the White House? Unfortunately, he was busy golfing, so we cast someone else to approximate Trump's rhetorical style. Shut up! Yeah! Introducing the Commander in Graves! Is it just me or is it getting cold in here?
Because there's a snowflake in the ring! I am not a snowflake! I am not a snowflake! Snowflake! Quit pandering! I'm not pandering, I'm one of them! My pandering was working! Time to take this to the next level. Do you know what this man wants? Let me guess what you wanna do with the guns in this country. Just let me guess. You wanna take them away.
I don't wanna take away guns. I'm just for really strict background checks.
Okay, that wasn't too hard to understand. And the audience was into it. Okay, fine, whatever about guns. Let me guess what you wanna do about marijuana.
I think what people want to do behind closed doors should be their business.
That is my position as the progressive liberal. Looks like broad brush talking points work, especially that marijuana one, Democrats. So maybe let wrestlers craft slogans for your next campaign, like lock guns up, or make America great us, or just 420 for 2020. But let's face it, what really turns on swing state crowds isn't words, it's action. I don't care about your positions, because you suck.
Middle America wants a strong hero who won't back down from a fight. So, Democrats, if you want to beat a wrestler president, keep it simple and go on the offensive. Fake news! Oh, fake news! Oh, it's fake news! Welcome to the future of American politics.
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Chapter 8: How can Democrats counteract Trump's wrestling-style political tactics?
Immigration, clearly a dominant issue in the country right now, is being discussed everywhere. And I do mean everywhere.
I am speaking to you from within a country that is under siege every day. We have foreigners flooding our country, sneaking across our border. like rats in the street.
Hey! Hey! I'm one of those rats! And I'll have you know, I crossed the ocean on a very comfortable Virgin Atlantic flight. The time flew by, so get your facts straight. So even the WWE currently has a storyline around the immigration debate. And to give them credit, they actually had a good discussion about the ambivalence and hypocrisy at the heart of our policies.
Ziff Coulter comes out here, he preaches about how Jack Swagger's the real American, people from other countries shouldn't come in here, we shouldn't take our jobs. Antonio Cesaro's from another country, and he's no associate, so he doesn't have a problem with people from other countries, he has a problem with people from other countries who come here the wrong way.
He's changing his argument tonight to bring in this guy Antonio Cesaro. Give me a break.
What a beautiful dream of television is this? Not only was that technically more articulate a debate than anything we've heard in Congress, but it came with half-naked men fighting. It's like C-Span with elbow drops. Please, give me more. Zev was even mad that John Oliver took over for Jon Stewart.
What is happening? What? You're mad at me.
Yes.
Yes. And let me say, if Zeb wants to go after immigrant rats, he better be prepared to get gnawed on, because we got teeth. I may not quite have the muscle mass for this. I might need a little help. Mick, Mick, do you mind helping me? Mick? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yes. Huh? Yeah? I got this, John. Okay. Take it. Take it.
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