Republicans Play "War Plan" Semantics as Journalist Brings Receipts | Steve Coogan

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The Daily Show: Ears Edition 42 min 8 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What unexpected event is highlighted in Bone Valley Season 2?

Narrator 0:02
Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season 1.
Unknown Speaker 0:09
Every time I hear about my dad, it's, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil.
Narrator 0:13
I was becoming the bridge between Jeremy Scott and the son he'd never known.
Unknown Speaker 0:17
At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer.
Narrator 0:21
Listen to new episodes of Bone Valley Season 2 starting April 9th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You're listening to Comedy Central.
Announcer 0:38
From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Ronnie King!

What controversy is rocking Trump's cabinet?

Ronny Chieng (performing a bit) 0:58
Hello! Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Roy Chang. We got so much to talk about tonight, so let's get right into the controversy that's still rocking Trump's cabinet in another installment of The Worst Wing. What a bunch of losers. None of that was AI. By now, we all know that Donald Trump's meritocracy brain geniuses planned an attack on Yemen in a signal group chat and accidentally invited a journalist, Jeffrey Goldberg. And this story might have ended on day one if the administration had just owned it and made some bullshit statement like, sorry, we're taking accountability, hashtag listening and learning, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But they just can't help themselves, because whenever they're in trouble, their default response is to punch their way out of it, which only makes things worse. So now, we're still talking about this three days later, instead of what I wanted to cover tonight, which was 23 and me going bankrupt, and what they're gonna do with all your DNA. One word, face off.
Ronny Chieng (performing a bit) 2:20
Okay, that's two words with a slash, and we can't decide that. Look, it doesn't matter, all right? The point is, they're gonna put your face on someone else, and the White House wants to move on. They've got to come clean and stop stepping on their own dicks, okay? So let's start with something easy. For National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, how did the reporter get invited into the group chat?
Unknown Speaker 2:44
I don't mean to be pedantic here, but how did the number get in the chat? Have you ever had somebody's contact that shows their name and then you have somebody else's number there? Oh, I never make those mistakes. Right? You've got somebody else's number on someone else's contact, so of course I didn't see this loser in the group. It looked like someone else. I mean, I'm sure everybody out there has had a contact where it was said one person and then a different phone number.
Ronny Chieng (performing a bit) 3:13
No. No one's ever had that, all right? People don't have a contact with a phone number for like a different person, unless they're having an affair. I guess I'm saying, I think this guy is having an affair with Jeffrey Goldberg. And look, even if that was an actual somewhat relatable mistake, maybe try not making that mistake when you're planning a war. And why are you shitting on Jeffrey Goldberg? He's a loser, this guy sucks, he's dishonest. He didn't do anything. All he did was wake up in the morning and you added him to your group chat. You like abducted him and forced him to see your secrets. But okay, the bigger issue is what was shared in the group chat.

Are war plans being discussed in Signal-gate?

Ronny Chieng (performing a bit) 4:17
Jeffrey Goldberg says there were war plans that were so sensitive, he didn't even put them in his article. But Pete Hegseth spent the last two days saying he's lying. Nobody. was texting war plans.
Unknown Speaker 4:30
Nobody's texting war plans.
Ronny Chieng (performing a bit) 4:31
Nobody's texting war plans. Okay, great. Couldn't be more clear. Nobody was texting war plans. You hear me? Nobody was texting war plans.
News Reporter 4:41
Nobody was texting war plans. And we begin with the breaking news. The Atlantic Magazine's editor-in-chief, Jeffrey Goldberg, is releasing the messages from the Yemen strike plan's group chat. And the screenshots show discussions of weapons and specific timing of U.S. military strikes.
Narrator 5:00
11.44 a.m. Eastern, that time. Weather is favorable. Just confirmed with CENTCOM, we are a go for mission launch. 12.15 Eastern, F-18's launch, declaring this first strike package. 13.45, trigger-based F-18 first strike window starts. Target terrorist is at his known location, so should be on time. 14.15, strike drones on target. This is all caps. This is when the first bombs will definitely drop.

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