Trump Goes “Captain Phillips” on Venezuelan Tanker & MAGA Purges "Woke" Fonts | Lonnie Thompson
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What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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From the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Kosta.
baby. We got a good one. Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Michael Kosta. We've got so much to talk about tonight. Everyone on Santa's naughty list throws their own Christmas party. Trump tells Venezuela, look at me. I'm the captain now. And which fonts are the gayest? We investigate. So let's get into the headlines. Let's start with an update on America's escalating conflict with Venezuela. While it may seem to have come out of nowhere, it dates all the way back to the Mesozoic era, when oil formed under the Earth's surface, which Venezuela then greedily parked on top of. And now this conflict's heating up. We turn to that major escalation off the coast of Venezuela.
American forces seizing an oil tanker seen in this dramatic video here.
The Department of Homeland Security shared the footage, said to the song, Mama Said Knock You Out.
Oh, my God, does everything have to be content these days? Can't we just take other countries' oil for the love of the game? I will say, I am so glad that we didn't have social media during World War II. Imagine if you saw a video of your grandpa storming the beaches of Normandy while Wet Ass by Cardi B plays. When Donald Trump delivered the news that America captained Phillips to this oil tanker, you can see the moment when he thought for a second about not being Donald Trump, but then he decided to be Donald Trump. As you probably know, we've just seized a tanker on the coast of Venezuela. Large tanker, very large. Largest one ever seized, actually. Largest tanker ever seized, actually. How big was the oil tanker you seized, Abraham Lincoln?
Tall, little-ass bitch. Trump really will find a way to brag about anything. I seized the largest oil tanker. I had the best MRI. I had the perfect phone call. I'm best friends with the world's greatest pedophile. You know... You know why you keep winning, Donald Trump? You're the only one in the competition. That's why that creepy-ass hand orgy trophy is all yours, dude. No one else wants it. No one is quite sure why Trump is going after Venezuela so hard. But the fact is, Venezuela is being threatened, which is why yesterday, their president, Nicolas Maduro, came out in what I assume is his most threatening war hat to deliver a response. And look, I know that looks unserious, but this is a president addressing his own country on the brink of war.
Let's see how he responds.
Don't worry. Be happy. You know how there's always that one guy at karaoke who thinks he nailed it?
This guy is about to be overthrown. How is he so chill? Maybe they do have the best drugs, huh? So it seems like war with Venezuela is inevitable, even though Venezuelans don't want it, Americans don't want it, and Donald Trump still isn't quite sure if Venezuela is a country or his cleaning lady. Not to mention nobody... Not to mention... Nobody has the energy to start calling Arepas liberty cornmeal cakes or something. And if you're wondering why the Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, isn't trying to find a diplomatic solution, it's because he has more important things on his plate right now. Secretary Rubio tells the State Department, get with the times. No more woke fonts. Yeah!
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
0:00–7:38
2
What recent event escalated the U.S.-Venezuela conflict?
7:38–11:30
3
How did Trump reference the 'Captain Phillips' moment?
11:30–20:11
4
What fonts are considered 'woke' by the State Department?
20:11–21:52
5
What is the significance of the Calibri font ban?
21:52–35:07
Speakers
4 identifiedMore from The Daily Show: Ears Edition
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