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Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz Podcast.
Yes, we did it, everybody. It's Friday. We made it. Come on, a round of applause for making it to Friday. What a week, huh? We did it. The weekend starts in a few hours. Everybody knows when we get done here on a Friday, everybody's weekend starts. Let's say hello to Dave Damaschek, who we missed last week. Dave is back. Hello, Dave. Hello.
I am already drunk to start the weekend and I have already departed the planet Earth, much like the astronauts looking down at the big blue marble. I, too, am up on cloud nine beyond the astronauts. Thanks to number 87 and company in black and gold. The Pittsburgh Penguins are back in the playoffs.
I know our world is fraught, but it has been a great journey with these penguins into these playoffs. Alright, we'll let you have your fun. We're not starting with the Penguins, okay? We'll let you have your fun. I just did! Too late! We'll let you have your fun with the Penguins. But since Dave wasn't here last Friday, I was away on vacation last week. I came back on Friday.
I did the Friday show, which is kind of weird. Like, you would admit the people who go on vacation, then come back to work for Friday, and then you have the weekends. Like, what are you doing? That is kind of weird, you know? And I pulled that move last week. But the reason that I pulled that move last week, Dave... is very confused with my vacation ending early last week.
This is something that I guess has been bothering you for a week because we haven't spoken to you. Yes, by the way, that leads neatly to a promotion for Football America coming up as soon as this show is done, Football America Goes, and our guest, Jonathan Zaslow. We figure out the greatest and worst. first overall pick in NFL and in sports history. It's a fun conversation.
Looking forward to that. But in the meantime, yes, Zazz, very strange. That seemed to me, that hit me like, oh, yeah, Zazz came back early from vacation. I was like, oh, okay, wait a minute. People actually do that? Because it's something I feel like I hear about in TV shows and movies. I didn't know real human beings actually pulled the plug on a vacation.
It's kind of like leaving a movie early. People use that as a point of reference. I thought it was a figurative thing. But people actually leave vacations and the movies early. Well, the first thing that I would say is... Have you never been on a vacation where, like let's say it's a long vacation, okay? You know, seven days, like at least a week.
You've never been on vacation, Dave, where you're like, I'm ready to go home. I get like that with every vacation. I don't leave every vacation early, all right? But I get that with every vacation where I'm like, it'll get to like day five or six. And I'm like, I'm ready to go home. I like being at home. You know, that doesn't happen to you. I like being at home there.
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Chapter 2: Have you ever cut a vacation short?
Let's get out of here already. I've enough. I've probably been on a vacation of seven days where day five or six, I'm like, all right, I'm ready to go home. But I'm not going to leave. I'm still going to stick it out. Like I might have the thought of, okay, I am ready to go home, but I'm never going to punt early. It's a super boomer thing to do. Like, can we just, let's just leave.
We're going to leave to go home. What's at home? You live at home. But if I'm ready to go home, why don't I go home? Did you not pay for the last day? Well, on this trip, I didn't. I stayed in a friend's house. She gave us her townhouse in Colorado, so it's not like I lost the money there. But if you pay for something, I mean, I'm not going to not get it. Like, I'm coming home with something.
Well, I did this, you guys may recall, very famously, a year ago this time. I rented a cabin in North Carolina. The Florida Panthers lost game one of the Stanley Cup final. And I put the Zaslos in the car the next morning. I said, it's time to drive home because my team needs me. We got to get home for game number two. Your wife must hate you. And what do you know?
The Panthers, not only did they win game two, but they won the series. Matter of fact, Paul Maurice, you guys may remember a few months ago, he thanked me for my service. All right. I had to do my part, and I ended that vacation early, Dave Damoschak, as well. I think this is weirdo behavior, though.
And by the way, so you're so ready to leave that you're willing to take active measures like booking your changing your flight. That's a small thing. That's a pain in the ass. You actually devoted 20 minutes, 45 minutes. Like, let's wrap this up. And part of the time that's left in this vacation that I'm trying to truncate will be devoted to me changing on the laptop, right?
The phone changing our flight plans. That's weirdo behavior. Well, last year was easier because we drove to and from North Carolina. So it's like we pack the car the next morning. It's time to go home. The Panthers need us. But last week, I said to my wife the day before we ended up leaving, I was like, you want to see if we can get on the flight out tomorrow and just go home?
Like, we're ready, right? It seems like this is just your thing. Like, your wife probably knows, all right, we're going to plan for eight days. No, she was ready, too. Zazz is going to do that thing after six. Does your wife call you Zazz? No, she doesn't call me Zazz. Call you John? No, she doesn't call me John either because that's not my name. Schmuckham?
Yes, I didn't think you were going to guess it, but you did on the third try. You got it. Schmuckham. You were right. You got it. That's what she called me. Well, what does she call you? Does she call you Jonathan? She calls me Babe. Hell yeah, dude. That's right, dog. That's right. That's how we roll. And you go Babe back? Yeah. Yeah.
So, you know, if we both say at the same time... Not a big fan of that. Not a big fan of that out in the wild. Hey, check this out, babe. What are you looking at there, babe? That's... No, no, no. We don't do that. We don't do it like out in public. I say her name in public, you know, for shouting across the room. Hey, babe. Like, no, no, no.
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Chapter 3: How does Zaslow feel about leaving vacations early?
So we left him home. Yes, that is true. But apparently I'm the only one.
50-50.
50-50 chance the old man's going to want to come home early anyway. Why are you even bothered? That's right. Man, this Zaslow's a weird fella. I think if there's nothing else that we've learned, it's that I run the show. When I'm ready to go home, it's time to go home. You tell them, babe. So the Miami Heat last night got crushed in Toronto. Who didn't see that coming?
Brandon Ingram kills this team, huh?
Mike, the Heat lost both these last two games home and home with Toronto. Tuesday, Thursday, that's a home and home. Both games were in Toronto, their home. That's a home and home. Is that on a baseball series? They lost both games in Toronto, which means they were swept all four games this season by Toronto, which also means two teams who are right above them in the playoff race.
The Heat are 10th, and we'll get to that in a second, how they're most likely locked into 10th, and they're going to have to win two road games just against the playoffs, which they will not do because they're a terrible road team. But the Heat this year against Toronto and Orlando are 0-9. What the fuck?
That's not cream of the crop, exactly, in the East. That's not the teams that you thought, well, that Heat fans mostly thought they'd be competing with.
I mean, teams that are fifth and seventh in the East. Not the teams that are first and second. The teams that are fifth and seventh are 0-9.
Yeah, it's a disastrous season. It was a disastrous evaluation at the trade deadline to think that they had enough to not either capitulate or add to this team. To think that the way that the roster was constituted following their failed pursuit of Giannis was good enough to help their chances in the offseason to acquire a start. Like Giannis, I don't ā look, it's been misguided.
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Chapter 4: What does Zaslow's wife call him?
You know about that Green Tree? And also Lionel Messi plays in this town. Lionel Messi plays in this town.
All right, good for you, see? You were getting down in the dumps. All of you in there. We're all, oh, broken record. The heat, I'm getting tired. Oh, flexibility. They never do anything. Then an outsider, an interloper comes in and insults you. All of a sudden, you found your salt. I loved it. See, look, Damoshek served a purpose there. The Panthers lost. I reminded you who you were.
The Panthers lost last night, too, 5-1 in Ottawa. But, like, I don't... I'm going to miss watching the Panthers in the postseason this year because just I mean, the Panthers made the had made the postseason a franchise record five consecutive years. I don't count 2020 when they let 12 teams in because of COVID. That's bullshit because they wouldn't have made the playoffs if they didn't do that.
So five straight years franchise record. They made the playoffs three straight Stanley Cup finals. and they become the first team ever to win back-to-back championships and not make the postseason. Although, certainly in the NBA, that happened with the Bulls. So this is the first time that it's ever happened with hockey, I guess. Yes, Dave?
Will you or anyone in South Florida watch the Stanley Cup playoffs without your teammates? Oh, stop it. Don't say so. Legitimately, you know, Kachuk and Captain America and all that kind of stuff all sounds great, but do you check out now that the Panthers aren't relevant this spring in the chase for the Cup?
You're talking to the wrong crew.
I'm glad that you asked that, Dave, because... I don't know if you are. Tony didn't watch at all when they were winning. Exactly right, Dave. I haven't seen a second of ice hockey. Nothing changes. And the rest of us, we love puck, especially playoff puck. I'm glad that you brought that up, Dave, because yesterday... I don't know why Dan said this yesterday. Like, Dan made a point...
to look and point at me and make the point that with the Panthers not in the playoffs this year, I'm not going to be watching the Stanley Cup play. I didn't push back because he was in the middle of a point. It's like, whatever. But I don't know why he accused me of that yesterday. It's the best postseason in sports. Do you remember that, Roy?
Yes, he absolutely did.
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Chapter 5: Why is the Miami Heat's performance a concern?
We have this team now. The postseason is just a couple months away. Giannis is of a certain age. This is to seize on this moment. Who's to say that Milwaukee can fetch the same kind of offer? Would Miami even offer the same kind of thing? Or does the desperation finally get to them? There's self-awareness realizing we're presently a nowhere franchise right now. Same offer, maybe even improve it.
The heater almost... almost assured the number 10 spot, which would mean you have to, after losing last night, which would mean you have to win two road games to make the postseason.
And I say that because the only way out of the 10 spot for Miami, the Heat would have to win their final two games, which includes tonight at Washington, okay, they should, and Sunday against Atlanta, and a game Atlanta's likely gonna need, that's gonna be a very tough game. The Heat would have to win both those games, and they would need the Sixers to lose their final two,
The Sixers have Indiana and Milwaukee, two teams that are not trying. But again, you got the Embiid situation. So I don't know. My guess is the Sixers probably win at least one of those games. And the Hornets, the Hornets would have to lose their final two games as well. They play Detroit and New York. Detroit, I would assume, is sitting guys tonight because they're locked into number one.
But New York likely has something to play for on Sunday. So that's why I say it's almost for sure that the Heat are going to finish number 10 and have to win two road games to make the postseason. Really, really disappointing. Don Libertard. Our Panther group chat, we're confident against the Lightning. This is a different team. You're a Panther group chat, though.
No, but dude, you're so wrong on that. We've been terrified of this team forever, and I think there's a different energy where the Panthers, they want the lightning.
Stugatz. I want t-shirts made for this Panther run, what could be this Panther run. Our Panther group chat, we're not afraid of the lightning.
That's a tagline for World R3. This is the Dan Levitar Show with the Stugatz.
So, this weekend, though, tomorrow night, Tony, UFC, Miami. Zazz, me and you will be in the building. Lewis will be there, too. We'll be doing a little bit of content from the fights. Very exciting. Your son's going to get you there early, I heard. So, Mike, I'm a super casual UFC fan. Like, really, really casual. My son loves it. He's 17. He's way into it, Dave. Loves UFC.
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Chapter 6: What happens if the Heat don't get Giannis this summer?
Then you get into the main card. You got Kevin Holland versus Randy Brown. Rude boy. But I wanted to see if you saw this, and this would draw you in, Zaz. Go on. Kevin Holland, the trailblazer, who's fought 30,000 times in the last three years. He's one of the UFC's most active fighters. He's a guy that's on social media 24-7. A very good talker, very good promoter. This is what I want you to see.
He fought a guy named Daniel Rodriguez, who has been in a Tijuana prison for the last eight months. And he bailed him out. Listen to this. What? I know there's one you want to get back. And I know there's a guy that's been missing recently. He recently posted on social media. So D-Rod is back. I don't know if he's fighting. I don't know what that scenario is. But he seems to be around.
I bailed him out, man. I bailed him out. I needed to get this dub right here. And then I needed to fight D-Rod. So I had to bail him out. That way he can get through all his probation period. And then when it's time for me to fight again. He'll be ready. So we get through Randy Brown. It's immediate D-Rod call-out in the octagon. Oh, 100%. 100%. I mean, I went back and watched that fight.
I don't know how the **** I lost that. But, yeah, run that back two or three more times. I don't care. It was a fun fight, too. The fans had a blast. We had blood in the octagon. We had knockdowns. We had all the good stuff. I don't believe him. So my question to you, do you believe him? He's been in a Tijuana prison for eight months. He's shown the videos of him working out in a Tijuana prison.
And this fight's tomorrow? No, no, no. So he's fighting Randy Rudeboy Brown, and then he bailed him out so that he can get ready for the fight that will be next. So if Kevin Holland beats Randy Brown, he's going to call out Daniel Rodriguez. So do I believe that he bailed him out? Out of a Tijuana prison that he's been in for the last eight months. Do we have any idea what bail is like in Tijuana?
I feel like you can do it pretty easily. Yeah, that's my point. So I'm going to go yes. A couple hundred bucks? Yes, I'm going to say yes. All right, maybe this is enough to turn me around. All right, Dave Damaschek. We're talking about De Niro and Cape Fear getting sprung to get into the octagon. Now I'm in. Right? So he's there and he's like, you know what?
I'm going to bail you out so you have enough time to get a fight camp in because he beat him earlier this year. So he's going to try to get that lick back on the back end here. But Zaz, have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd bail somebody out to go kick their ass later on? No, I've never faced a situation like that where someone I need something from... needs to be bailed out of jail.
I don't know what that says. Speaking of bail, I'm sorry to interrupt you. Tony, I don't know how you perform. Credit to you. Talk about bailing. Mike Ryan can't even be bothered to listen to you. He's texting while you're talking. That's fine, but he's locked in on UFC.
Masters week, Dano.
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