The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz
The Big Suey: Billy's Pink Sand Paper Pastelitos
Tue, 03 Jun 2025
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Chapter 1: What is the origin of tequila?
Now's a good time to remember where tequila's story truly began. In 1795, Cuervo invented tequila. Cuervo. What are you doing here? Cuervo. Anytime someone says Cuervo, I show up. Well, I do know that to be true, but even during ad reads, like... Cuervo. I think you could lay out, especially for one of our great partners. Sweet, delicious Cuervo. Since then, Cuervo has stayed true to its roots.
Cuervo.
Cuervo.
Chapter 2: How should Jägermeister be served?
Roy, you know that moment when you're out watching puck and the server comes over and asks the table, what can I get you guys? And everyone freezes up. You know what you should do? What should I do, Mike? You've got to have some confidence. Or as Jagermeister calls it, shotfidence. I love it. If everyone's struggling, take control. Just order for the whole table.
A round of ice cold Jagermeister shots. Damn, that's cold. Because apparently, we've all been drinking Jagermeister wrong. Well, how should we be drinking it? We should be drinking it ice cold. At zero degrees Fahrenheit. Roy, like Jagermeister, what else is infinitely better ice cold? The sport of hockey, Mike. It's in the name. It's ice hockey. Ice hockey. Yes. Regular hockey, not as great.
Not floor hockey. Ice hockey, real good. Damn right. Wherever you are, if you're hanging with friends or at the bar, call the shots. Cheers with ice cold shots of Jagermeister.
Damn, that's cold. And remember to check Jagermeister out at DraftKingsXJagermeister.com.
Drink responsibly. Jagermeister liqueur, 35% alcohol by volume. Imported by Mass Jagermeister, U.S., White Plains, New York.
Shepardance!
Welcome to the Big Sui, presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging.
I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys?
I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to nowhere, fat face, and the habitual liar.
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Chapter 3: Who is Carl Banks and why is he relevant?
So Stugatz, we'll let this go after this and we will get to Stugatz's weekend observations in a second. But Carl Banks, do any people in the shipping container know who Carl Banks is or why the name Carl Banks is an important one?
Of course. Cousin of Fresh Prince Will Smith.
Carl Banks is a former champion linebacker for the New York Giants. And he says, Dugat, Giannotti's take. Which one is Giannotti? Is it Gio or is it Sal?
Gio is ripping cat. Giannotti? Yeah. You think he calls himself Sal?
I don't know whether it's Sal Giannotti or Gio Giannotti.
It's a fair question, Dan. I'm with you.
Look, those New York gasbags who get manned, I've been listening to them for 30 years on that platform. They all run together.
They're all named Giannotti. Carton Giannotti. Stugatz Giannotti. They're all Giannotti.
Sid Giannotti. They're all felons. Pope Giannotti. They're all people whose opinions you cannot trust. And Carl Banks says of Giannotti, quote, this is genuinely pathetic. Calling a man you've never met a loser says more about you than it ever could about him. I've known Cat and his family since he was a kid. Bonafide. There's absolutely nothing about him that resembles a loser.
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Chapter 4: What happened to Billy's pastelitos?
Forgive me, I got it wrong. It was $500, not $50.
I'd say $50 is cheap.
2010.
Nice now. Carl Banks was paying pretty well, I would say. I don't know why he would be. Why would Banks be paying?
Did he run a radio station? I don't know.
I don't know why Gio is accusing Banks of owing him $500. Perhaps he thinks his last name is literal on Banks. Uncle Phil had a lot of money, man. He lived a nice life in Bel Air. Thank you, Amin. Please keep that joke going all show. I think it's a winner. The thing that's happening in the kitchen right now.
Not unusual.
The thing that's happening in the kitchen right now. is both upsetting to me and insulting to Billy. Billy, yesterday, as an act of kindness, brought in pastelitos. He was accused yesterday of just bringing over leftovers from a weekend party at his house.
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Chapter 5: How do cultural impressions influence food choices?
Looks like two have been eaten.
And he's eaten them both. They're still there from yesterday. Wait, that's yesterday's food?
Just the pastelitos. Some are saying it's actually from Sunday, but...
Somehow the sandwiches look like they're yesterday's.
The sandwiches were put there today, and they have been eaten by the Wolverines who live here. The pastelitos have been left alone.
The sandwiches look like they've been there three months.
They're dangerous, too, though, because those sandwiches often have hidden toothpicks in them where they can rip open your innards.
Having said that, I've just had one of the sandwiches. You know what? Finger food. Because I had it, and I went... And that's it. I'm clean. That can't be a finger food. It's a sandwich. It's a finger food. When they cut it up into quarters like that, it becomes a finger food.
If it was a full sandwich, no. Put it on the poll. Is a full sandwich a finger food? Because that was a full sandwich, and they've just been cut up in pieces. Again, we're getting off point. The sandwiches are one thing. They were put there today, and you have seen what happened. Bacon sandwiches, gone. First off the shelf, they fly out.
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Chapter 6: What is the significance of Monday diets?
Anything to last. You know what you want? You want me to be honest? You want my honest opinion? Go ahead. They're dry. A little on the dry side.
You got here a day after they arrived, though. You weren't here yesterday. Right now, they look dry. When Gino rejects it, you got to take a look in the mirror.
And they arrived the day after they were made.
I took a look in the mirror, and I'm proclaiming right now, I'm never doing anything nice for this office again.
The bakery you got them from, is that a usual place for you? Or is that something that you were like, oh, I'm kind of cold.
Don't worry about where I got it. They're never going to be in this office again. Neither will a kind gesture from me.
I haven't tasted them.
I'm telling you right now, look. I would not describe myself as overly nice. I would also not describe myself as overly mean. I would describe myself in this office setting as quiet and I somewhat keep to myself. I have my little groups. I go and I talk in my groups. I come in. I do my job. And I go home. But I will say this.
I could create a lot more problems in this office based on my stature here than I do. And if my kindness is going to be rewarded with not eating my kindness, then we may start experimenting with how far I can start pushing things here in this office.
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Chapter 7: What are the reactions to Billy's act of kindness?
Problems are coming.
I'm just saying. I tried. I tried, and I view this as an act of war by everyone. I was told by someone this morning with a straight face, with a straight face, while Dan was out there trying to stir things up, saying, look, no one's eating your pastelitos, he, he, he. And he was trying to rub it in my face and get me angry with my coworkers.
I was told by someone, while they were almost mid-bite eating something else, that the reason that they could not eat my pastelito is because they were on a diet. Yeah. Mid-bite, eating something else. Chris was there. He witnessed this conversation. I was told, I can't eat this. I'm on a diet.
She was eating deviled eggs. I saw her.
I didn't say who it was. What did we all agree who it was?
That's healthier than a pastelito. I'm just saying.
It's a healthier option.
I'm quiet. I keep on my best behavior. But if people are going to be agitating me and poking the bear... I can make messes. There are people here that make messes behind the scenes. They come on here and they do their thing and then behind the scenes they go and they throw their weight around. That's not me. Not me, friends. I come in and I keep to myself. I punch in and I punch out.
Then I walk across the street in the rain to the parking spot that I got across the street, which we don't have to talk about while I play human frogger every day trying not to get hit by a car. Sometimes wondering if I do. I mean, bird's going to have to pay for that one. But... If I bring you pastelitos... Wait, so I can't politely decline because of a diet? No.
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